reynoso101

[reynoso101]

So another friend gone today because of suicide. This time he hung himself at a park. By now I don't feel anything which isn't good but what can I do. I just want people to know that if it ever comes to the point where you think you have no one and that you're alone in this world you can always count on me even if I don't know you. I just want these suicides to stop.

[reynoso101]

[reynoso101]

I always set my expectations for people extremely low so when they do fuck up its less of a disappointment.

[reynoso101]

The fact that I don't see a point to living anymore fucking sucks.

[reynoso101]

It's been about 4 months since everything has happen and I think i've had a total of 10 sober days (not consecutively ofcourse). I should probably start getting my shit together...

[reynoso101]

I use to be able to work problems out in my head and come up with a pretty good solution. But, now no matter how big or small the problem may be my brain jumps straight to suicide. It's just a matter of time at this point.

[reynoso101]

What's the point of living in fear of death if death is inevitable. And in that case what's the point in living if we're just living to die.

[reynoso101]

Yesterday was the 1st time that we did combatives without you. It was hard and emotional but, we made it through it. I never thought that I'd roll the mats out in that gym again but, now that I did I wanna go back. Not only because I love it but because it gives me a place to freely remember you.

[reynoso101]

That moment when not living seems like the easiest answer.

[reynoso101]

I would have been happy not knowing the truth about what happen. Even tho everybody and there mothers wish they knew the truth, I wish I could wipe the truth out of my head. I live with the guilt of wishing I was there to help but, worst off I live with the truth that keeps replaying in my head.

[reynoso101]

So my counselor told me that everything that I'm experiencing is normal and that I'm not crazy! Well that's a plus! Not even exaggerating right moew

[reynoso101]

Today marked a month and I survived without any major freak outs. Thank god

[reynoso101]

Memorial Day

Today we had a beer in your memory & passed it around.

[reynoso101]

Wednesday well be a month since you’ve been gone and I’m still not over it. I still have moments in which I need to catch myself and hold together. I find myself getting lost in my thoughts to only realize that I’m lying on my couch and have been staring at the same stop on the floor for 3 hours. It wasn’t this hard when we lost K.P last February so why is it this hard now? Is this normal? Is it okay to feel the way I do? Will it get better? I just hope that things get better because, no one can live like this.

[reynoso101]

The words "You will never know how special you really were to Percy" are you hardest to hear. Not because I don't know But, because I will never have the chance to.