revivingizz

[revivingizz]

[revivingizz]

I mourn the life I have not lived, the memories I lost because I was trapped inside a hole I didn’t realize had a way out. I was robbed, as so many others are, of the simple experience of existing without being consumed by the thoughts looping in my head. My childhood was spent wondering why I couldn’t seem to make friends stay, my teenage years tainted with obsession. I mourn the people I could have met, the places I could have seen. My heart breaks for the person I could have been. If there is a universe where I lived with that freedom, I wonder if that me is happy. I’d like to think that she is. This me is not. I hope I can find peace with who I have become, forgive myself for not taking the route I had planned. There is no space for shame in my heart, there is no room for grief in my head. Healing–that I can do. Remember the days now behind me and be glad that I am no longer there; find peace, find solace, find forgiveness. Who I could have been was not meant to exist here. Who I am now is who I am now; ideal or not, I am me. I cannot change the past, but I can let it define me. I won’t. I will find my peace, I will forgive, I will build myself up from the ashes and bloom into something new. There is always hope for those who choose to find it. There is always love, and I am allowed to give myself some. 

[revivingizz]

Not doing well in recovery kids. Quarantine sucks. TW IF U READ ON.

Honestly the whole panic buying is stressful, my mum isn’t doing it so there’s not a lot let in shops and honesty idc if she doesn’t get me food I would rather her save her money and let me starve. My thoughts are getting too much and I just want to lose so much weight and be skinny again. I need to numb my stupid existence. I put on my old dress that I haven’t worse since my lw and cried at the sight of my disgusting fat body. I can’t wear anything nice bc I look so stubby and small and gross. This triggered me so much. And the girl I’m talking to is ignoring me, probs cus she’s bored of me. I’m a burden to everyone. I wish she’d just tell me that she’d lost interest instead of giving me false hope bc it’s making me paranoid and makes me feel even more worthless. No one is ever going to like me let alone in that way. I’m disgusting and just need to lose weight that’s the only thing that would help rn. Sorry guys:(

[revivingizz]

[revivingizz]

[revivingizz]

[revivingizz]

[revivingizz]

Maybe you have not been that productive today; maybe you have not been that kind to yourself and others; maybe you have been crying a lot; maybe your anxiety prevented you from leaving the house; maybe you spent the entire day trying to get out of bed; maybe you messed up and made a fool of yourself; maybe all you managed to do today was hoping for a better time. But you know what? That is absolutely okay, my love. You are still here. You are still breathing. You are still a wonderful human being. And you matter so so much. Days like these happen and they are nothing to be ashamed of. You are loveable even at your lowest points, darling. You are not your bad days. You are the fact that you overcome them. Every damn time. Give yourself credit. You are doing such an amazing job. Please be gentle with your heart. You are trying - and that is all you need to do.

[revivingizz]

self care is also being honest with yourself about your negative habits and mistakes. it’s also taking ownership of your faults and growing from them. self care is diverting from a negative space to a positive one. creating light and balance. blooming. watering your own flowers. being gentle but honest with yourself.

so take care.

[revivingizz]

[revivingizz]

“Start before you’re ready.”

—

[revivingizz]

Self care is the hardest thing when you’ve been destroying yourself for so long

[revivingizz]

I fucking hate it when you’re in such a fantastically giddy mood and then you see one simple little thing that makes you think, “oh” and then you just get this empty feeling in your chest and you get nauseous and the world just crumbles and you want to just lay under a blanket and close your eyes and fall asleep and never wake up. 

[revivingizz]

that ed feel when you revisit a food u loved when u were really struggling and u expect to still love it but nope diet food is actually gross and i only thought it was good bc i was starving

[revivingizz]

[revivingizz]

[revivingizz]