revesmecaniques

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Breakfast

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Little foe inside me

Always screaming, when will you be enough?

Always laughing, shouting "change" " you're nothing now"

Shouldn't you be on my side?

Why do you keep whispering awful things to my ear?

Shouldn't you be the one who cheers me up?

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Note to self:

Don't ever speak poorly of others. Everybody's trying to be the best version of themselves - acknowledge that-

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How can something abstract, like love, be limited?

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For my future self

Remember these moments of bliss

The freedom of not having to go anywhere, at any time.

Here, where happiness lies, nobody truly needs you, you're free to simply exist, you're insignificant in the most liberating form

You can walk slow, enjoy the breeze, the music in you ears

There's nothing you should be more than yourself. No expectations to be met. This imperfect body suddenly feels like home.

Remember how happiness feels, hold onto this peace, never let yourself forget, use it for harder times, for those days when you feel your soul breaks.

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It's ok, keep going

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On behalf of hope

Sitting in the big auditorium, feeling like I don't deserve any of this, feeling like I'm just a spy, trying hard to taste the triumph. For a moment I just played my part so well, that I almost believed It. I felt part of these people who really try, who give it all for a conviction, who apparently work daily to fulfill these random dreams, of holding this cardboard and make a place for themselves in the world.

For a second, I abandoned myself to the idea of greatness, suddenly simple things seemed so unfulfilling, this hunger for more appeared, to do more, to earn more. Ideas revolved in my head as this old man gave those speeches about virtue. Maybe I want this, endless days of suffering and modern slavery so I can say that after all, I'm not a waste of space and time. Suddenly I imagined myself in the same spot, giving speeches of virtue as well. These little voices in my head saying "Maybe it is worth the try".

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Penda’s Fen (1974) | dir. Alan Clarke

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What's the limit of self-indulgence and self-compassion?

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It's just a spark, but it's enough to keep me going

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Do you believe in something beautiful? then get up and be it

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I'll endure the pain of a life time missing you for the privilege of loving you

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The unreachable notion of beauty

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Such a lovely golden giant

#love#dogs

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I WILL NOT ACCEPT A LIFE I DON'T DESERVE

-x

#maxine#x

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Forgive me little girl, I have failed you. Forgive me as I'm not yet the person you dreamed to be.

She was just looking for a spot in the world, to develope all this potential she had in her mind, this little and naive child who didn't know how visicious life could be. I hope she forgives all the broken promises she'd made in her mind. I can almost feel her pain, for I have not shined as bright as she promised. I hopes she forgives you for letting yourself get caught up in the routine, to allow her to be dragged into that mundanity she was trying hard to escape. I hope she forgives me for being everything she promised she'll never be, for becoming her biggest fears. She promised she will not let herself go, cause she was a fighter, but I've let her down so many times, many of those dreams are forgotten and undone now. Time has pass and others seem to be racing harder, better. I'm sorry she promised she'll never be comfortable in the numbness of simple things, she'd always dreamed of greatness and I'm just sitting here craving for simplicity. She was hungry for the world, convinced that she could do it all, and here I am, breaking her soul with this awful contentedness I've learn to love. I'm sorry little one, for not trying hard enough, for letting you down, for being this warm hearthed Jane doe.

Forgive me darling.

P.S at least I love you more than you'd ever loved yourself