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Hi!

I hope you’re doing better ❤️

I just wanted to say I love your writing and reading your fanfic every morning before I have to get up and face the world became sort of a ritual for me, I have notifications set up and everything. I’ve been rereading every single work of yours because they genuinely spark joy and I came back on tumblr after years and years just so I could tell you.

I hope life gets better and easier for you, you deserve only good things 💖

Hugs 💖 (if that’s okay ❤️)

omg hello!! thank you so so so much <3 <3 this is so sweet and i really truly appreciate it x10000.

p.s. i know i'll have a barisi fic out this month bc i signed up for the barisi summer fic exchange if that helps the people lol.

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Rafael Barba appreciation ➩ 255/∞ | ep: Institutional Fail

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HI JAY!!!! I was wondering about your writing process, would you mind sharing a little with us? like do you sketch fics or do you have some kind of process you always follow or do you work on a adderal and breakdowns recipe? miss you lots around here youre so cool!! <3

-> have idea

-> black out for 6 hours

-> oh wow theres 4k words here

-> post

okay but on a real level there are two things i learned in writing college (the crowd boos) that i tend to hold onto when i write:

1) write on the edge of discovery

2) write what takes your attention

these are both things i really love from the particular pedagogy of my chosen writing methodology -- the john schultz story workshop method, which is based almost entirely in development of seeing clearly and developing voice vs. critique and form relative to composition and rhetoric like traditional writing classes.

so i typically will write scenes or snippets that i know will fit Somewhere as a method of outlining, seeing the big picture in my head vs. having to write down a physical outline or making it up as i go along. and ill just flesh out what i see the most clearly before going back and linking things together and editing.

part of why im always gagging for prompts is that attention/discovery element. i need to have a Moment that i can See Clearly in order to really get the momentum going for writing. once i have that i can usually jump headfirst into a flow state and get a few thousand words out in a couple hours if i have the dedicated time and interest.

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*gives you a cup a coffee/tea and lots of hugs* ❤️🫂

gives you a kiss directly on the forehead

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you're 8 inches deep in rafael and dr. robby is 8 inches deep in you. which route are you taking⁉️ continue forwards OR backwards⁉️⁉️

now THIS is the kind of conversations i have the internet for. and to this i would simply say if im fucking barba and robby is fucking me, there’s no reason we can’t all just stay connected 😌

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hey!! I have sent you a few asks about prompts or ideas or asking your thoughts about a certain topic and saying i miss you and i wanted to apologize if that ever made you feel pressured!!! i deeply miss your fics and miss your silly thoughts on here but above it all ive just been hoping you're alright. ive been following you for a while now and it's so clear how deeply you love writing and how much you love being here giving us so much content, and I as an avid reader of yours and also a writer, appreciate that so much. seeing you're not as active here anymore got me a little worried and I'm sending you all the love and support in the world, I genuinely hope you can rest and have fun writing your fanfics again. I'm sorry there's mean people demanding things from you and im sorry you feel pressured. Just know that when or if you decide to come back your audience that really cares about you will be here waitinf for you. all the love in the world for you, jay, make sure to put yourself first and foremost and don't worry about the mean people in your computer, they're just meanies. <3

prompts and ideas never make me feel pressured!! i love reading and revisiting them when i want inspiration. truly if you’ve ever sent me an ask that’s was more than one sentence of “i need xyz from you”, you’re exempt from my latest mornings. i so appreciate all of you and i hope barisi fics make their way back to my mind again.

i say, 6k words deep into an animal kingdom fic

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Hey so I have definitely sent you prompts or things with “I NEED this” or other iterations before, so I just wanted to apologize for that. It definitely wasn’t trying to pressure you, I just wanted to show enthusiasm for the idea and for you as a writer, since it’s hard to show tone via text. Sometimes prompts come through really passive or really aggressively demanding, so I was hoping that would just be a way to indicate ‘this is an idea I think you would really enjoy and would execute well and I’m excited to see your take or opinion on the prompt’ but never want to make you feel like I’m pestering you or insisting on anything. I think it’s hard to read tone on messages and I was hoping that by showing enthusiasm for an idea it would make you feel like someone was cheerleading for you in a way? Like ‘I really love your work, and if you like this idea I would love to hear your thoughts!’ So please don’t feel like you have to respond or write the prompt or that it’s any kind of a rush, that was never how I intended it and never wanted you to perceive it that way! I love your work, and you deserve to take all the time you want between updates/posts, I never want to give you any undue pressure and I’m sorry if that has caused any issues for you in the past; I will refrain from using phrases like that in the future. :)

I so appreciate your care! But I do wanna say prompts are completely fine always!! An ask that’s “you should totally write xyz” has a pretty clear intention and kindness/enthusiasm vs “when are you going to update.” It’s really just the asks that ONLY say they want something from me

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sooooo when are you going to update anything?

babe this was literally my last post:

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ill mention i write svu fanfic and people will go oh is that your favorite show and it takes everything in me to not say 'that piece of hot garbage that shouldve been canceled ten years ago?'

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is there anything behind rafael and sonny's usernames on fetlife??

devastatingly sonny's is just "silly italian noodle boy" and rafael's is "loser whose entire personality is lawyer"

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tl;dr -- im allowed to rest. im allowed to drop works that don't make me happy. im allowed to not finish things. i LOVE LOVE LOVE talking to my readers, but please just be positive and kind and keep in mind that i'm a person, not a fanfic factory. fanfiction is a hobby.

okay guys please sit down and have a chat with me.

im going to start by saying that, as of right now, i have written 455,743 words of barisi fanfiction and about 50,000 words of x reader fanfiction. i've easily written 500k words of fanfic.

that's longer than the entire chronicles of narnia series. it's more than the longest game of thrones book. as long as stephen king's longest works. as long as infinite jest, gone with the wind, les mis, anna karenina, war and peace. that's a very, very ridiculous amount of work.

ive written all of this since novemeber of 2024. i have put out an average of 50,000 words of fanfiction per month this entire year. that's the length of an entire YA novel. every single month.

so sending me asks telling me that I have to write something, that you're gagging for me to write something, that you need me to write something, etc., when I'm taking the first period of rest from that absolute break-neck pace....honestly makes me feel really demoralized.

i know i set myself up for this position by writing so much, but, like, i was just doing it to make myself happy. i understand people are trying to be nice. you're trying to be encouraging and remind me that there are people who love my work. and i really appreciate the sentiment behind that.

but it feels incredibly intimidating and restricting on my creative freedom and like mental space in general. there's this feeling of like... im disappointing people just by letting myself rest and letting myself explore new things. and that feels really bad.

theres this sense that people feel entitled to my time and my attention when i have very very little of that to go around. in fact i just had to quit my job that i *loved* to be a full-time caretaker. like, if you're not my mom, my wife, my girlfriend, my pervert group chat, or my dog, i have so so little free time to offer up.

and this isn't about any *one* person but just about the fact that I currently have 200+ asks in my two blog inboxes and a good 10-25% of those on any particular day are telling me how much they miss me, how much they need me to finish xyz series, just "more of this when" type stuff. and i published my last fic three weeks ago. which is, like, a normal amount of time to wait for someone's fic.

i promise that i feel extremely guilty about not updating much already. i hadn't even responded to comments in a few weeks bc i literally just don't have time and that's my absolute favorite.

so if you want me to write more and support me, things that help: send positive comments & thoughts on my previous works! send good vibes! play my silly ask games when i reblog them! send prompts or ideas you're excited about! make me feel like a human being and not a fanfiction slot machine! venmo me $20,000!

but it really, really doesnt help to feel pressure on my writing. so please channel your desire to hear from me into *support* instead of *demands*

right now, im incredibly overloaded. i have very intense creative burnout specifically regarding barisi. the thing that's *fun* for me right now is my silly little the pitt x reader fics over on my other blog (@rr-after-dark).

and like...i just would like for that to be okay.

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I get my kicks above the waistline, sunshine~

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Jesus Christ Superstar Rehersal

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Thinking about putting certain characters in certain situations…will report back about it later

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Law & Order: SVU | Ep: Twenty-Five Acts

Rafael Barba appreciation ➩ 260/∞

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anyone else PAINFULLY obsessed with mustache sonny? no? just me? alright, good to know.

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I think raul jingles like a tiny bell when you shake him.

i think he clangs like a big metal garbage can