renaissancesystem

[renaissancesystem]

i think were gonna remake since its been 3+ years since weve been active and this blog is tied to a pretty bad period in our lives that we dont wanna be reminded of. now things are awful in an entirely new way! youll never guess how :/

we had started to slightly integrate and that was fine, healthy even, but now things are so hard and were so lonely and afraid often. we did start therapy in 2019, and our first therapist quit for (hopefully) unrelated reasons shortly after starting.

now were seeing another therapist but its impossible to see her and she keeps cancelling appointments... emdr is great when we can actually do it :(

plus. this past year has been very obviously bad and paranoia inducing and were so, so tired. so tired. so small. so done with the breakdowns.

catch you later.

-zack, maybe. who knows.

[renaissancesystem]

have u changed ur url recently,?

Hey, sorry for getting to this late, I don’t know how long this has been sitting here. 

But, on this blog we’ve always been renaissancesystem, I think we had a hyphen at one point too. We went by the Blackthorn System for a bit also so that’s where you might recognize us!

[renaissancesystem]

Riley always checks to see if you are as happy to go on a walk as she is 💖

[renaissancesystem]

DOG SPOTTED

[renaissancesystem]

im not sure if i posted about it here before, but i know ive talked about how my mom used to take away my pets as a kid as a way to punish and abuse me. that might not make a lot of sense without all the context, but i dont want to get into it. anyway, i have a cat asleep and purring on my lap, another one asleep at my side, and four other cats who love me in this apartment. any time im feeling sad or upset i can just go and hug and pet a cat until i feel better! and these cats are here to stay, and im here to stay as well! i can settle down! i just looked up and theres a cat asleep on a box of pizza... i and we have always connected to animals much much much more than we ever did with people and im crying thinking about how perfect my life can be now ^_^

[renaissancesystem]

we're going to see our psych again soon and i want to bring up a potential DID diagnosis but what if we're wrong? what if there is no we? what if i'm faking it? and there's already so much wrong with us; i feel bad if i'm wrong and worse if i'm right.

[renaissancesystem]

we’re re-listening to taz and i really feel for lucretia, like a whole lot. maybe in a kin way? i’m not entirely sure but you know that same hat meme? yeah...

[renaissancesystem]

*power point transition* Welcome to my twisted mind

[renaissancesystem]

❣ kitty cat stimboard ❣

♡ ♡ ♡ / ♡ ♡ ♡ / ♡ ♡ ♡ 

[renaissancesystem]

forgive the bad quality but im updating my fursona! im using an app on my phone instead of my laptop this time

[renaissancesystem]

When the edgy teenage alter fronts

[renaissancesystem]

We might be going to a casino this weekend and to be frank, our instinct to find and then fight Greg Gri/maldis is pretty high.

[renaissancesystem]

it hurt like a knife inside because there was no alternative except to hide as long as possible—

Charles Bukowski, from You Get So Alone at Times That it Just Makes Sense; “Friends within the Darkness,” (via lazhvardi)

[renaissancesystem]

HEY

SUCK MY WIGGLY DICK

[renaissancesystem]

hopefully we're gonna move into a 3 bedroom apartment this summer bc right now we're sleeping on a couch in the living room and we haven't slept on an actual mattress bed in over 3 and a half years and just the thought of being on an actual bed was enough to make me start tearing up lmao......

[renaissancesystem]

we live, binch✌

[renaissancesystem]

i wasn’t strong enough to survive.