ren-wattanavekin
ren-wattanavekin
CARRY A YEARNING.
5 posts
& so what—if my feathers are burning. I never asked for flight. Only to feel this fully, this entire, the way snow touches bare skin—& is, suddenly, snow no longer.
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ren-wattanavekin · 12 days ago
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Søren ‘Ren’ Wattanavekin, 31, has called Coronado home for all their life. As a surgeon at Coronado General Hospital and kagehito assassin, their world is steeped in cleaning blood off their hands every single day, a search of meaning, and staring at the dark circles under their eyes every morning. Often found walking around Coronado at night, they move through life with Experience by Ludovico Einaudi playing in their ear.
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Trigger warning: child abandonment, assassination, quite detailed description of death, blood.
I.
The first memory you can recall is the experience of how the cold can lick your bones & gnaw at your skin. It’s how you gasp for air, only for it to freeze your lungs — you’re not older than a year, and the falling snow is becoming a little too heavy for you to lift your fingers. That’s when you close your eyes, exhausted and hopeless. 
Sometimes, it all comes back to you in your dreams. Sometimes, you’re unsure if it really happened, or if it’s always been just a nightmare to follow you everywhere you go. You must’ve been too little to be aware of this one fateful night in the street, but you’ve heard many stories. You do celebrate your birthday in January — that’s when they found you & brought you back to life after countless nights of fever and rivers of medicine — it surely was a battle. They said it was the first sign you’d be a fierce fighter, too. 
II.
“You’re not good enough,” they said, and you felt a tear roll down your cheek. Just like everyone else, you go through the training – no questions asked. That's why you're here. And you’d never even dare to ask – you like it. It keeps you occupied, it makes you feel valuable – even in setbacks, you’d be happy to spend hours at the training ground, going through a task over & over again. But these words sting and you indeed felt a failure: not as good as everyone else, you might as well go back to the streets you came here from. 
You soon learn they’re not thinking about letting you go – they see something completely different in you. You’re calculated. Methodical. Meticulous. And while combat fighting might not be the perfect path to choose, there’s another place for you – clinical precision and a detached emotional distance. The greatest weapons you can wield. 
And you're not as bad as you think either. You pass every trial.
IV.
One more memory to keep you at night and confuse you in your drowsy state – your first kill. It was the first and, simultaneously, the last one to leave some spots of blood on the wooden floor. It wasn’t as clean as you wanted it to be, and you were scolding yourself in your mind and as you watched life disappear from their eyes.
You leave little room for error: even after they take their last breath, you still take a moment to check their pulse, assess the severity of their injury; you check the clock and make sure when’s the right time to leave – you’ve already planned this, and it means you must close the door behind you in twenty seconds. And you do, as well as lose the jacket of the hotel concierge.
No one ever thinks to suspect you, to think of you as a murderer — you’re a reputable surgeon, why would they think that? All of you who work at this hospital — you’re all a bit strange, especially surgeons. Your talent and smile disguises everything.
V.
The other side of you requires meticulous planning as well — it’s as if you purposefully chose the life of never ending checklists & preparations. After your first surgery, you stare at your hands, painted in red – you feel your colleagues touching your shoulders, congratulating you, but you’re focused on the blood, slowly dripping between your fingers. 
One of them – takes lives, another – brings them back to Earth. Every day, they both go through the same routine with some exceptions, because you always wanted to save people. Are these, who die because of your touch, considered human if they’re the destroyers of peace? It’s a thought you bring with you to bed, and, every night, it sleeps on the pillow next to you. 
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Headcanons:
Left in the streets of Coronado in the middle of winter, he was found by a couple of passers-by. For the first eleven years of his life, he lived in an orphanage, until he was taken by the Kagehito. He would always consider Kagehito elders as his parental figures and he'd never remember his time in the orphanage ever again.
He decided he’d become a doctor when he was fourteen, and would spend hours studying after he was done with training. Since his mentor noticed his talents and interests, his studious nature was being encouraged and, in a way, became a part of his training. 
Highly trained, skilled, & deadly – especially compared to an average person. However, when it comes to his assassination techniques, it requires meticulous planning & surveillance and doesn't really involve traditional weaponry. He uses his medical knowledge to get his targets killed in a way it’d seem to be a natural death — a heart attack or a stroke. Never leaves blood behind him. If needed, he can use his other skills too, but he never had to.  Not yet, at least. 
Has his own code of ethics and tries to target individuals whom he believes deserve punishment for their own crimes & actions. A bit of moral ambiguity, of course. Especially knowing it’s not always ‘the bad guys’ the Kagehito are asked to take care of. Call it brainwashing, if you will.
A survivor since childhood, to this day he’s still all about survival. However, he's recently started to grapple with the ethical implications of his actions, especially when there’s someone he’s already saved that has to be his next target.
Approaches his work with a sense of professionalism – both in the hospital as well as when it comes to the Kagehito matters. 
Sleeps way too little :’) Catch him roaming the streets of Coronado at night. 
Wanted connections:
His mentor. Up until now, Ren was a model Kagehito. Obedient to a t. However, something's happening - he's began raising questions. Well, he's not raising them out loud, not yet, but he might look different, and his mentor is probably not happy about it.
Someone who’s coming after him. Many reasons for it, one of them being that perhaps Ren assassinated someone close to them. I’d love this to be an antagonistic dynamic. 
Colleagues at the hospital. Obviously, they don't know about his involvement with the Kagehito – but does he seem odd to them because of his reluctance to speak about his childhood & youth? Is his mysterious and secretive nature quite weird to them? Possibly. Or maybe they’re fascinated? Maybe they don’t care? Lots of possibilities, I think! 
Other Kagehito. Are they close? Are they rivals? Do they annoy each other? Did they grow up together? Once again, lots of ideas! 
Friends, enemies, ex lovers, etc — anything and everything! Let’s plot!
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ren-wattanavekin · 14 days ago
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ren-wattanavekin · 14 days ago
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“I imagine myself covered with blood, broken but transfigured and in agreement with the world, both as prey and as a jaw of time, which ceaselessly kills and is ceaselessly killed.”
— Georges Bataille  (via rabbitinthemoon)
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ren-wattanavekin · 14 days ago
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DEXTER | 1x05 "Love American Style"
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ren-wattanavekin · 14 days ago
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casual wear (splattered with blood) vs. evening wear (drenched in blood)
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