ren-cormander-site-107

[ren-cormander-site-107]

I am. I've...

I'm sorry. I had hoped we could- but it's fine.

...I'm not sorry for refusing.

but I shouldn't have said that.

@ren-cormander-site-107

Thank you for taking accountability for your words. They were hurtful but you know that.

It's okay that you refused, I'd much rather you work through these feelings safely instead of potentially dangerously and rushed.

[ren-cormander-site-107]

i'm sorry.

...I'm not sorry for refusing.

but I shouldn't have said that.

@ren-cormander-site-107

Thank you for taking accountability for your words. They were hurtful but you know that.

It's okay that you refused, I'd much rather you work through these feelings safely instead of potentially dangerously and rushed.

[ren-cormander-site-107]

...I'm grateful I didn't feel that way, about the drowning, back when I first met Cas.

I'm- I'm grateful he didn't either.

...I'm not sorry for refusing.

but I shouldn't have said that.

@ren-cormander-site-107

Thank you for taking accountability for your words. They were hurtful but you know that.

It's okay that you refused, I'd much rather you work through these feelings safely instead of potentially dangerously and rushed.

[ren-cormander-site-107]

I don't need your-- I can--

...

...I don't deserve it.

...I'm not sorry for refusing.

but I shouldn't have said that.

@ren-cormander-site-107

Thank you for taking accountability for your words. They were hurtful but you know that.

It's okay that you refused, I'd much rather you work through these feelings safely instead of potentially dangerously and rushed.

[ren-cormander-site-107]

is that why you won't let anyone help you?

...I'm not sorry for refusing.

but I shouldn't have said that.

@ren-cormander-site-107

Thank you for taking accountability for your words. They were hurtful but you know that.

It's okay that you refused, I'd much rather you work through these feelings safely instead of potentially dangerously and rushed.

[ren-cormander-site-107]

Fine. Don't bother, then.

...I'm not sorry for refusing.

but I shouldn't have said that.

@ren-cormander-site-107

Thank you for taking accountability for your words. They were hurtful but you know that.

It's okay that you refused, I'd much rather you work through these feelings safely instead of potentially dangerously and rushed.

[ren-cormander-site-107]

I'm just trying not to get you electrocuted. Let me actually-

fuck, ow. Yep. Careful.

...I'm not sorry for refusing.

but I shouldn't have said that.

@ren-cormander-site-107

Thank you for taking accountability for your words. They were hurtful but you know that.

It's okay that you refused, I'd much rather you work through these feelings safely instead of potentially dangerously and rushed.

[ren-cormander-site-107]

They don't answer, though she can hear them step closer, presumably peering through the peephole.

"Don't touch the doorknob," they say eventually. "I'm fine."

Passing by Ren's door, Laz can hear the unmistakeable sound of muffled sobs.

@ren-cormander-site-107

*Laz has her own tear stained face to worry about but she'd much rather focus on someone else. Looking around, she knocks on tens door out of suspension.*

"hey. Uh it's La- Sadler. From psychology? Are -are you okay?"

[ren-cormander-site-107]

We're not--

mm.

...fine. I'll- just don't touch the doorknob. Dunno how well it worked.

...I'm not sorry for refusing.

but I shouldn't have said that.

@ren-cormander-site-107

Thank you for taking accountability for your words. They were hurtful but you know that.

It's okay that you refused, I'd much rather you work through these feelings safely instead of potentially dangerously and rushed.

[ren-cormander-site-107]

I'm not unsafe. This is the safest I've been since we got here. And I smashed the camera in the dorms ages ago.

...I'm not sorry for refusing.

but I shouldn't have said that.

@ren-cormander-site-107

Thank you for taking accountability for your words. They were hurtful but you know that.

It's okay that you refused, I'd much rather you work through these feelings safely instead of potentially dangerously and rushed.

[ren-cormander-site-107]

Managed to jerry-rig an electrified doorknob. Might stop... anyone, really, from coming in. Not that they would.

I don't know who I'm even scared for.

...maybe he was right. Maybe it'd- maybe it would fix me.

It would be so easy.

[click]

[long pause]

...still stuck. Door's locked. Like I'm one of the D-class.

Funny how I have more sympathy for them than the- than whatever's gotten hold of his face. Probably because they're actually people.

To whoever's listening. I'm not going to blow anything else up. Learned my lesson with that one.

I just wanted him to be okay.

That's out the window now, I suppose.

[ren-cormander-site-107]

don't tell me what to do.

...i'm fine. I'm- It's fine. I-I--

Door handle's rigged anyway. You'll just hurt yourself.

...I'm not sorry for refusing.

but I shouldn't have said that.

@ren-cormander-site-107

Thank you for taking accountability for your words. They were hurtful but you know that.

It's okay that you refused, I'd much rather you work through these feelings safely instead of potentially dangerously and rushed.

[ren-cormander-site-107]

Ren doesn't answer that. It is their fault. He wouldn't even be here if not for them.

And they'd been planning to ask him to spend the rest of his life caught up in their bullshit.

Dully, they register their body kneeling, shutting the door with a quiet click. They don't go back to work that day.

The section at the bottom of Cas's door slides open again, and the same hands slip a tray through and carefully onto the floor. It doesn't close, this time.

@ren-cormander-site-107

“…Ren?” Cas whispered, staring at the space where the hand had been. He wanted a reply, he desperately wanted someone to talk to him, not just… stare at him. And, Christ, did he miss Ren. He hadn’t felt so lonely since before he knew them.

[ren-cormander-site-107]

I- I'm f-fine. I j-j-- it's-- I ccan't. H-he's not--

...

...i'm fine.

...I'm not sorry for refusing.

but I shouldn't have said that.

@ren-cormander-site-107

Thank you for taking accountability for your words. They were hurtful but you know that.

It's okay that you refused, I'd much rather you work through these feelings safely instead of potentially dangerously and rushed.

[ren-cormander-site-107]

O- ...doctor Lancaster. I am-- k-kindly requesting. That you dd- r-refrain from scheduling our next appointment in conjunction with 3C.

please i'm sorry i can't see him i can't

...I'm not sorry for refusing.

but I shouldn't have said that.

@ren-cormander-site-107

Thank you for taking accountability for your words. They were hurtful but you know that.

It's okay that you refused, I'd much rather you work through these feelings safely instead of potentially dangerously and rushed.

[ren-cormander-site-107]

I'm- I- please. I'm not- I, I'll--

...I'm not sorry for refusing.

but I shouldn't have said that.

@ren-cormander-site-107

Thank you for taking accountability for your words. They were hurtful but you know that.

It's okay that you refused, I'd much rather you work through these feelings safely instead of potentially dangerously and rushed.

[ren-cormander-site-107]

It is worse. It's so much worse.

"I didn't know." It's half plea and half resignment. Ren always sounds as though they're attending their own funeral. "I should have done something."

The section at the bottom of Cas's door slides open again, and the same hands slip a tray through and carefully onto the floor. It doesn't close, this time.

@ren-cormander-site-107

“…Ren?” Cas whispered, staring at the space where the hand had been. He wanted a reply, he desperately wanted someone to talk to him, not just… stare at him. And, Christ, did he miss Ren. He hadn’t felt so lonely since before he knew them.