releaseurinhibitions

[releaseurinhibitions]

Never speak to me or my 452 unread books again

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Browsing through my old posts I found this old self and thought nice to update. For future self, for this past me that was so forlorn.

Three surgeries and normal post-ops later, our cat is in remission. It's been three years now of a clean bill, super healthy girl, currently laying by my head in bed.

Missing dad and everyone lost is still the ultimate shit. Always will be. We'll still working on that. Always will be.

And sadness happens, but thankfully isn't this ever-present mantle covering us days on end. It's a semi-manageable mood instead, one that passes, blinks into existence then gets dulled over time.

Oh by the way that future that became a hologram of itself is very real and tangible now, through actual years of hard work, saving everything I could, and self-growth. Finally moving abroad, finally chasing a different life, adventures and the unknown. Terrifying still, but moving forward.

Being vulnerable isn't the worst. Managing to live and grow and move, even if wandering or staggering a bit, is everything

So, for a change, my mental health hasn't been the best lately

I've lost my father, my grandmother and a dear uncle in less than two months. Adopted my granma's cat and she got diagnosed with cancer and has her first surgery in less than two weeks

It's like the hope of 'everything will be fine', 'things will get better' that's kept my mind from plummeting through my dad's intense battle with cancer these past three years, and everything in between, has lost all meaning and I'm just crumbling down

I see people around me get up and carry on with their lives, working so hard through the same pain as I, and I can barely carry my weight off the bed, and always for someone other than my own

I saw a future for myself for the first time in a decade and through all this my will and sense of being is vanishing like sand between my fingers. I can't think positive for the life of me to the point of physically feeling dizzy, crying on and off all day, regardless of where or with whom I am. I don't know how to be human yet have never felt more vulnerable and raw

[releaseurinhibitions]

ask me about a film

never seen | want to see | the worst | bad | whatever | not my thing | good | great | favorite | masterpiece

[releaseurinhibitions]

I've always been the kind of person that enjoys the idea of a book, but doesn't take the time to actually read it. (proven by the evergrowing to read pile next to my bed)

but i'm finally (almost) off my anti-depressants and the insomnia has creeped in like an old friend. Changed, thankfully, from spiriling anxiety into simple restlessness.

and so I've heeded my therapist's advice and picked up the insomniac essentials: calming tea, breathing excersises, nightly showers, and, most importantly, straying from electronics after dinner.

thus me finally facing the dusty books I've picked up this decade.

and I gotta say, I'm hooked. First I finished the novel I've been slowly picking at since the summer holidays (that's january here). Then, I've devoured the collection of feminist essays that'd been but a treat once and again for the past two years. And now I'm three quarters of the way through a coming of age memoir that's a welcomed companion.

All the while, my co-worker has gone on holiday, leaving little ol over-thinking me with the gaping silence of the kitchen by myself. For 8 hours, four days straight.

And what do I do with my free mindspace nowadays, but read.

But busy hands means turning to audiobooks (something I hadn't tried since communing for ages back in university.) And, as unusual as it is to listen to irish dialog and lenghty descriptions of landscapes over the rattle of a stand mixer, I've grown to really enjoy it.

And so I've plowed through another novel, and coming to half of a second one.

Don't know how long this burst of bookishness will last for me, but am happily running with it as long as my legs will let me

[releaseurinhibitions]

Margaret Atwood, The Blind Assassin

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No, don't get up. The O.C. | 1.15 The Third Wheel

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OTP CHALLENGE → [2/7] Scenes

2.07 - State v. Queen

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@pscentral event 32: magic

THE GOOD WITCH as a netflix miniseries insp: x x x

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welcome to the eras tour!

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(almost) every penelope featherington scenes (222/???)

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why is it not enough to just sip coffee and read poetry outside why must i be employed

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Your integrity makes me seem small / If I can't relate to you anymore then who am I related to? / Dreams of your hair and your stare and sense of belief in the good in the world, you once believed in me / You say, “I don’t understand,” and I say, “I know you don’t” / Another summer taking cover, rolling thunder, he don't understand me / How much sad did you think I had in me? How much tragedy? / You won’t remember all my champagne problems…

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Andrew Garfield on consent and privacy

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The Social Network (2010) dir. David Fincher

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Walked in and dream-came-trued it for ya ♡

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loml - taylor swift

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ULTIMATE SHIPS CHALLENGE - Forehead-Touching Scenes [2/5]