relationship-matters

[relationship-matters]

Behind the Walls of the Guarded Heart!

PERSPECTIVE MATTERS... Relationship Matters!

"You have captivated my heart, my sister, my bride; you have captivated my heart with one glance of your eyes, with one jewel of your necklace." ~ Song of Solomon 4:9

Creating the experience of great love is the key to a great relationship: Relating to your partner, your husband, your wife, your girlfriend, your boyfriend emotionally, with trust that your feelings are valued. Bonding at a profound level, trusting that you are accepted. Exploring who you truly are and who your mate really is - uncovering your soul. Letting the rawness of love and intimacy grow without imposing boundaries or letting fear get in the way. Following a higher purpose together. I believe these are the key ingredients to creating a great life and great love.

We are instructed to "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it" (Proverbs 4:23 NIV). But once you have found that God-ordained assign-mate who's spirit has been tested to see if it was indeed divinely-dispatched to mate with yours, as God leads, relax your guard and let love happen. Behind the walls of the guarded heart lies a paradise of pleasure prescribed by God for His glory and your good. "Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good!" (Psalm 34:8). See for yourself... How sweet it is!

In the relationship matters of love and life, Perspective Matters...

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[relationship-matters]

Agreement Matters!

PERSPECTIVE MATTERS... Relationship Matters!

“Do two walk together, unless they have agreed to meet?” ~ Amos 3:3 ESV

In relationships, you simply cannot downplay the pure power of agreement. Nothing disintegrates peace like the specter of disagreement and nothing brings peace like the power of agreement. I’m sure you’ve heard people say, “Opposites attract!” Yes, they sure do! Opposites attract disagreement. And disagreement will bring its fair share of trouble. Unless opposites agree to meet in spite of their bipolar positions on certain issues, theirs will be a bumpy and hard to navigate road to relational bliss. They will likely never arrive to a place of relational peace, unless their coming to mutual terms to agree that peace will never be a paramount part of their relationship is their twisted idea of reaching a peaceful solution. And is that what you really want? To pepper your relationship with bouts of disagreement and the guarantee of dysfunction? Beware of falling for the allure of dysfunction just for the sake of keeping things “interesting.”

Personally, I’d rather be bored by peace than excited by conflict. But that’s just me. Or is it? God has a perspective on relationships on every human and divine level. And God’s perspective on relationships is that agreement comes with rewards and disagreement comes with punishing consequences. God demonstrated this in Old Testament tabernacle times when the Israelites gathered together in unity in the tabernacle. Part of the pay-off was the divine presence of the Lord God who personally filled the tabernacle with His powerful presence. God’s desire for peace among His people is punctuated by these words from the Psalmist: “How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity!” (Psalm 133:1).  In today’s New Testament church times, the power of agreement among the people of God comes with the promise of the demonstrative power of God to answer prayer petitions: “Again, truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by My Father in heaven” (Matthew 18:19). These are the very words from the lips of Jesus then to our ears today. What a powerful promise that comes with the power of agreement!

Isn’t it painfully, if not plainly obvious that God’s perspective where relationships are concerned is that peace should always be the goal? If you have any lingering doubts please take note of this admonishment from the pen of the Apostle Paul written to the New Testament church at Ephesus: “Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace” (Ephesians 4:3). You can only have unity when you have agreement and you can only have agreement when you have unity. Relationships are functional only when they are punctuated by agreement and unity. Anything less will only produce less than what God orders, ordains and approves of. You shouldn’t settle for anything less than what pleases God if He is indeed your Lord.

To keep your relationship as free from unreasonable dysfunction as possible, take note of the frequency and intensity of your disagreements early on in the formative stages in your relationships. If disagreement is your relationship’s default position, give serious thought and prayer to repositioning yourself out of the burgeoning dysfunctional disaster of a relationship you may be setting yourselves up for. Find your excitement in the peace you order and God ordains between you, rather than in the dysfunctional disagreements that characterize the mayhem of relationships that should have never been entered into in the first place. Let peace rule the day and your hearts. Perspective Matters...

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[relationship-matters]

Trust Matters!

PERSPECTIVE MATTERS... Relationship Matters!

“but Sihon did not trust Israel to pass through his territory, so Sihon gathered all his people together and encamped at Jahaz and fought with Israel.” ~ Judges 11:20

A lack of trust leads to conflict. As depicted in the battle saga referenced in the above-captioned Scripture, the absence of trust will lead to conflicts, fights, battles and wars. The absence of trust in a relationship leads to war among spouses and relational partners just as readily as it does between nations. Like nations at war, spouses and partners at war could benefit from the intervention of a mediator. Diplomacy is the the antidote to divorce and a prescription for peace.

Nothing mediates the lack of trust between two parties more effectively than the settling on of truth. When there is truth that can be agreed upon between two warring factions, then reconciliation is possible and can be worked toward to reconcile them. And there is no better mediator than the Truth and the Life Himself, Jesus Christ and the gospel of His Kingdom. His truth can breath life back into a dead, untrusting relationship to revive it. Once there is genuine submission to the truth of the King and His kingdom, you cannot at the same time submit to the tug of death found in your own kingdoms. The truth of the King and His kingdom once submitted to, invariably mediates and reconciles feuding kingdoms by folding them into His one kingdom creating unity out of hostility. This is the ministry of reconciliation in action!

Trust can be regained when two people both put their trust in their One Living and True God who, if submitted to, can reconcile their differences and the lack of trust between them. The purpose of a godly, God-ordained relationship can be resumed and its service to Him re-established when connection with the Source of the couple’s power is reconnected and they are recharged with the divine power available to them to mediate even mountains of differences and valleys of distrust between them. 

So get plugged in and stay plugged in to the Lord. When you give God permission to intervene in your breaking relationship, no game playing is necessary. Service to Him and to each other can ensue free from internal or external interference and a lack of connectivity caused by an absence of trust. Re-establish trust because more than any other thing in a personal relationship, trust matters most! Perspective Matters...

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[relationship-matters]

Your Marriage Broke: Fix It, Don’t Deep-Six It!

PERSPECTIVE MATTERS...

“18 Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.” ~ Colossians 3:18-19

COMMITMENT. It’s deserving of capitalization because it will enable you to capitalize on the promises of God written throughout the Word of God. Commitment is central to the idea and concept of COVENANT. Without commitment, a covenant is no more valuable than the paper a covenant contract is written on. Covenant is not remotely possible apart from commitment.

Loyalty is a dying virtue in our contemporary times. Loyalty is in such short supply and high demand as a direct result of our waning commitment to... COMMITMENT.  Loyalty and commitment are like faith in that loyalty, commitment and faith are not real until they are tested, tried and found to be true. That is precisely why successfully tested loyalty and commitment are said to be found FAITHFUL. Faithfulness is loyalty and commitment put to the test and passes the test. It withstood whatever has been thrown at it. Commitment prevails at all costs evidencing its unfailing foundation: A love that never fails.

Love is not circumstantial nor conditional. Commitment that is exercised will evidence both mutual submission and love. A love founded on the principle of commitment borne on the strong back of covenant does not flee when trouble presents itself. No. It rebukes the trouble at its root, at its source, and continues to press forward through the storm. Commitment will fix what’s broke before it breaks the covenant and kills the relationship. Commitment will submit to the covenant and love its covenant partner irregardless of the circumstances or conditions that surround them.  

Outside of the wedding, the gown and the tux, the last thing marriage is, is glamorous. Marriage involves blue collar work and blue collar values like commitment. Commitment understands that every new construction will have to undergo improvements as it ages. It does not get sheepish at the thought of the work involved not only to maintain the relationship, but expects to roll up its sleeves and have tools at the ready to assist in making needed adjustments when necessary. When a lightbulb goes out, it will change the bulb not the house. Just as things will eventually go wrong in every house, things will threaten to go wrong in every home. Fix it, don’t deep-six it! Commitment is always constructive, never destructive. Perspective Matters...

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[relationship-matters]

Don’t Play With Matches!

PERSPECTIVE MATTERS... Relationship Matters!

“Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm, for love is strong as death, jealousy is fierce as the grave. Its flashes are flashes of fire, the very flame of the LORD.” ~ Song of Solomon 8:6 

There is an old saying that can certainly be applicable to relationships: “If you play with fire, sooner or later you’ll get burned.” Eros, love emanating from the heart for a love-interest, is described biblically as “strong as death... Its flashes are flashes of fire, the very flame of the LORD.” Now, fire is not to be played with. As purposeful, helpful and useful as fire can be, its power must be contained and well-managed, lest what was purposed to heat your home and cook your food could easily burn down your house and cook your goose.

The best relationships are ones that contain and manage well the notorious power of the fiery love that burns between them. They learn quickly, even instinctively, how to fan the flames of their love without the risk of burning down their house. When building their house, they build it with fire-proofing it in mind. They construct a place for their fire to burn white-hot without risk to their house. They create a fireplace.

A fireplace, more often than not, is constructed for the express purpose of being a gathering place in most homes built today. Since the advent of central heating, electricity and natural gas, fireplaces no longer serve the multiple roles of heating, lighting and cooking in homes today. The emphasis of fireplaces is to provide an inviting central gathering place of social interaction, activity and pure unadulterated romance by the fire. I’ve had the benefit and blessing of having lived in houses with fireplaces not only in the family room, but also in the master bedroom, bathroom and even in the backyard, making a potentially romantic oasis out of multiple rooms as well as outdoors.

The best relationships make a point of building a centrally located fireplace to indulge their passions without burning down their house. They contain their passion from igniting an uncontrollable firestorm of jealousy that can so easily turn the safety of a fireplace into a love destroying inferno. Even the Bible addresses the underside of love between lovers as a potential hot-spot for jealousy that “is fierce as the grave” (Song 8:6). Make no mistake, jealousy kills. Jealousy will burn down your love nest without a thought, so think!

The best relationships know that the antidote to allowing jealousy to ignite a firestorm in your love nest is to talk like friends and play like children. Keep fun at the forefront of your relationship. Communicating lovingly, respectfully and clearly can avoid miscommunication and for the making of wrong-headed, and even worse, wrong-hearted assumptions from creating a firestorm out of your peaceful fireplace. An air of playfulness and light-heartedness gives oxygen to fan the flames of a healthy love while snuffing out the risk of igniting the fierce inferno of jealousy. If you become the source of my joy, I’m left with no reason for seeking joy elsewhere. And if I’m the source of your joy, why on earth would you venture elsewhere looking for what you already have at home. Only a complete fool would allow greed for joy to burn down their house only to leave them homeless and miserable.

If God had anything to do with presenting and joining the two of you, He had more than just your happiness in mind - He had the fulfillment of your complete joy in mind. If you came into your relationship looking for happiness, you came for the wrong reason. You should have been happy before the advent of your relationship. Your misery won’t change because of your being joined to the best partner or relationship. You will only ruin your relationship with the misery you bring into it. Before entering a new relationship, be sure to check your baggage at the front door. You are responsible for your own happiness and will have to answer for your own misery. Your weeping will endure just as long as you choose to remain in the dark of your own night. Your joy will come when you choose to wake up to the dawning of a whole new perspective - God’s perspective. Remember, His mercies are new and fresh each and every morning! Wake up with thanksgiving and joy at the bounty of blessing that lies in the potential of your relationship and live to love it and protect it.

Your current relationship has the potential to be your best relationship. It all depends on what you choose to do with it. Don’t play with matches, play with your match - your assign-mate. With all the mating of various kinds that the two of you may do, don’t leave out being playmates. Do not allow the cares of life and love to snuff out the fun that should come from just being together. The business of love becomes a dreadful exercise if all it becomes is a business. Be sure to inject some fun every day around the fireplace of love you build together. Protect your house. Love joyfully and playfully. Don’t give jealousy a spark of a chance to burn down the love you were meant to joyfully build and enjoy together. Don’t play with matches, play with your match! Perspective Matters...

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[relationship-matters]

Keep Your Winning Card Close!

PERSPECTIVE MATTERS... Relationship Matters!

“What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” ~ Mark 10:9

Among the most popular of all social games are playing card games, among them poker and blackjack. There has been such a resurgence in the popularity of card games that poker tournaments now appear regularly on cable television sports channels alongside college and professional sports games. Here in Las Vegas where I live, card games are all the rage thanks to legal gambling. Casinos, with a great deal of success, promote their card gaming business by appealing to people’s greed. They have cleverly promoted their card table games increasingly as games of skill rather than chance. But card games are games of chance as well as skill. In fact, your chance of winning at cards is more dependent upon the cards you are dealt by chance than by skill. To be sure, gambling has risks.

Some might say that love is also a game of chance and a gamble as risk is most definitely involved. But success in love and relationships is predominantly dependent on the skills you develop rather than on the cards you draw. Unlike card games, the card you draw in love and relationships is based entirely on the ones you choose. The only similarity is that just like in a card game, you really don’t know what card you really have until you turn it over and examine what you have. Then, upon examination, you hold your cards close for strategic reasons. In cards, the card you draw you must play wisely. In love and relationships, you must choose your card wisely, then after wisely choosing, wisely playing. Whether in cards or in love, play well the hand you have. In cards, you play the hand that you’re dealt. In love and relationships, you play the hand that you chose.

Just like with cards, with love and relationships, only you really know the card you really have. You can bluff those around you, but only you really know what you’re working with. Ladies, if you truly have a King, treat him like one... Play him well and keep him close. Gentlemen, if you truly have yourself a Queen, treat her like one... Play her well and keep her close. Value what you have. This is a winning strategy in love and relationships. And it complies with God’s Word concerning marriage, the pinnacle of all committed human relationships. 

By biblical definition, marriage is an insoluble, committed love relationship between a man and a woman who God presented and joined together. Marriage was purposed by God for one man to be inextricably joined to one woman for one lifetime. Who you choose for yourself apart from God doing the presenting and the joining of the two in becoming one flesh, is indeed a game of chance and gamble that you should avoid at all costs. To embark upon a committed relationship with someone who God didn’t present from His deck and joined to you is to risk being dealt a Joker by the devil that can do more damage than ruin an otherwise winning hand. That Joker could ruin your life! 

Don’t put what God intended to be your glorious destiny at risk playing a game of chance and gambling with a Joker. On the completely rare instance that you have been dealt a King, ladies or a Queen, gentlemen, keep your card close and value what you have. Let nothing and no one come between you. Put no distance between you and your winning hand. Recognize, value and play well the royal hand you were dealt by the Lord from out of the riches of His heavenly storehouse, His glorious bank from which He deals goodness and mercy to follow you all the days of your life (see Ps. 23:6). No one deals better cards than Jehovah Jireh, the Lord God your Provider. Treasure the one you have and forget the lesser cards still left in the deck. You have your Ace, now wisely play your hand like one! Keep your winning card close. Perspective Matters...

Be encouraged, enlightened and enriched daily. Visit our online blog at https://PerspectiveMatters.org/relationship-matters.html

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