regrets-and-eternal-mistakes

[regrets-and-eternal-mistakes]

🤙

[regrets-and-eternal-mistakes]

m o n d a y m o o d

[regrets-and-eternal-mistakes]

[regrets-and-eternal-mistakes]

I'm fed of being scared of other people's opinions and my own insecurities of already preconceived ideas.

A wise man once said “Life is too short to be little. Man is never so manly as when he feels deeply, acts boldly, and expresses himself with frankness and with fervor.”

I often wonder how many times you've thought of me, if at all. It keeps me awake sometimes. You were once my safe place, sometimes I feel like you still are. It's strange as you're not here. It doesn't really make any sense.

It took me a long time to understand my feelings and its only very recently that I've think I've got it. Took me long enough. I needed an outside view and time to mature and experience life a bit more to understand what and why things happened as they did. It's surprising no one else came to the same conclusion as me at the time because it would have been a big old help.

I don't think you quite understand how much of an impact everything had on me though to be quite honest. I never had the chance to say what I really wanted to. You had a hugely positive impact on me, the circumstances not so much but that couldn't be helped I see that now.

I'm probably right in saying that you thought I would have moved on by now and gotten over everything, trust me so did I. But here I am still thinking about everything that could have been and everything that wasn't and what my life would be like if the world wasn't so messed up.

Everything's changed and it keeps on changing and here I am again hitting another hurdle, when I thought I had reached the end of the stormy days, but one thing stays constant and that's you. You're just sat there in the back of my mind all the time like a permanent itch I can't seem to get rid off.

Surely that means something. After all these years and all these changes I've experienced and I still spare a thought for you every single day. I often wonder how you are, and though I have no idea, I believe you must be well. It’s what I hope for, because it’s what you deserve.

I have a bad habit of whenever I'm having an awful day or a crisis I'll talk to you. I've done that since day one. It's what gets me through really. Is that wierd?

I have moments where everything reminds me of you and I just feel a connection. It's so strong and I feel like it's something I'll never be able to shake. I feel like everyone meets someone that changes their life forever, but why did it have to be you? Is that how it's meant to be? You come into my life, leave an imprint on my heart and then just leave, never to be seen again? I'm grieving for someone who's still alive and fuck it hurts. It drives me completely insane because there were so many things left unsaid and so many questions that were left unanswered and I just need to know if anything that went on in my head was real? Adult to Adult

When I first fell in love it was glorious, I had never felt that way before. It was fun. It was exciting. It was pure and innocent and free of any expectation. I had my head in the clouds and my feet still on the ground. I loved being in love. Unfortunately it didn't last and I discovered 'the first love curse'. I've now been single for 18 months, scarred with all the lack of trust and burdened with my own high expectations of what a relationship should feel like.

It was during this time I realised I loved you. I know I shouldn't say that. Actually fuck it why can't I say it. I wish I had someone turn around and confess their love for me. Instead they all just leave lol

I LOVE YOU.

I can't explain it and I can't justify it but should I have to really? I love you the way a child loves their mother, the way a puppy loves its owner, the way a lost child loves a completely random stranger who walks into their life just when they need someone the most.

I really do believe you came into my life for a reason and I want you to stay in it. Life's too short to not spend it with the people you love.

[regrets-and-eternal-mistakes]

““I want you to tell me about every person you’ve ever been in love with. Tell me why you loved them, then tell me why they loved you. Tell me about a day in your life you didn’t think you’d live through. Tell me what the word home means to you and tell me in a way that I’ll know your mother’s name just by the way you describe your bedroom when you were eight. See, I want to know the first time you felt the weight of hate, and if that day still trembles beneath your bones. Do you prefer to play in puddles of rain or bounce in the bellies of snow? And if you were to build a snowman, would you rip two branches from a tree to build your snowman arms or would leave your snowman armless for the sake of being harmless to the tree? And if you would, would you notice how that tree weeps for you because your snowman has no arms to hug you every time you kiss him on the cheek? Do you kiss your friends on the cheek? Do you sleep beside them when they’re sad even if it makes your lover mad? Do you think that anger is a sincere emotion or just the timid motion of a fragile heart trying to beat away its pain? See, I wanna know what you think of your first name, and if you often lie awake at night and imagine your mother’s joy when she spoke it for the very first time. I want you to tell me all the ways you’ve been unkind. Tell me all the ways you’ve been cruel. Tell me, knowing I often picture Gandhi at ten years old beating up little boys at school. If you were walking by a chemical plant where smokestacks were filling the sky with dark black clouds would you holler “Poison! Poison! Poison!” really loud or would you whisper “That cloud looks like a fish, and that cloud looks like a fairy!” Do you believe that Mary was really a virgin? Do you believe that Moses really parted the sea? And if you don’t believe in miracles, tell me — how would you explain the miracle of my life to me? See, I wanna know if you believe in any god or if you believe in many gods or better yet what gods believe in you. And for all the times that you’ve knelt before the temple of yourself, have the prayers you asked come true? And if they didn’t, did you feel denied? And if you felt denied, denied by who? I wanna know what you see when you look in the mirror on a day you’re feeling good. I wanna know what you see when you look in the mirror on a day you’re feeling bad. I wanna know the first person who taught you your beauty could ever be reflected on a lousy piece of glass. If you ever reach enlightenment will you remember how to laugh? Have you ever been a song? Would you think less of me if I told you I’ve lived my entire life a little off-key? And I’m not nearly as smart as my poetry I just plagiarize the thoughts of the people around me who have learned the wisdom of silence. Do you believe that concrete perpetuates violence? And if you do — I want you to tell me of a meadow where my skateboard will soar. See, I wanna know more than what you do for a living. I wanna know how much of your life you spend just giving, and if you love yourself enough to also receive sometimes. I wanna know if you bleed sometimes from other people’s wounds, and if you dream sometimes that this life is just a balloon — that if you wanted to, you could pop, but you never would ‘cause you’d never want it to stop. If a tree fell in the forest and you were the only one there to hear — if its fall to the ground didn’t make a sound, would you panic in fear that you didn’t exist, or would you bask in the bliss of your nothingness? And lastly, let me ask you this: If you and I went for a walk and the entire walk, we didn’t talk — do you think eventually, we’d… kiss? No, wait. That’s asking too much — after all, this is only our first date.””

— Andrea Gibson

[regrets-and-eternal-mistakes]

It’s a slippery slope

when you have the urge

to take a sharp metal implement

to your imperfect skin

and create scarlet rivers

The coldness of the blade

brings you to a distorted sense of reality

for just a second

before the thoughts overwhelm you

and u carry on

until the crevices in your arms are big enough

to swallow you whole

- BL

[regrets-and-eternal-mistakes]

Sometimes I catch a glimpse

Of times gone by

And I wonder how your life is

Was it all lie?

Did I imagine the feelings that floated through the air

Like electricity

Or was it just a power surge

that was met with a dull silence on your end

Sometimes I catch myself imagining

What life could have been like

If a story like that ever came true

And i start to feel blue

All over again

And again

Because I don't think you ever spare a thought for an insignificant girl like me

Miss Honey - BL

[regrets-and-eternal-mistakes]

I miss you.

I’ve been dreaming about you a lot.

I wish I could see your face,

hear your voice again.

I’ve started to forget

what you sound like

and

I don’t want that to happen.

I thought about

sending you a birthday card

and a Christmas card

actually

but your exact address is

on my broken, dead phone

and

I couldn’t remember

if you lived at 1a or 1b.

I couldn’t think of what to write either,

it felt empty.

anonymous,

I couldn’t sign it off from me

because then you’d know

I knew where you live

and I don’t want that believed

- do you still think of me

[regrets-and-eternal-mistakes]

Happy Birthday My Love

[regrets-and-eternal-mistakes]

How so untrue

[regrets-and-eternal-mistakes]

via soup.io

[regrets-and-eternal-mistakes]

#me

[regrets-and-eternal-mistakes]

E P I P H A N Y

[regrets-and-eternal-mistakes]

[regrets-and-eternal-mistakes]

Communicate. That’s the biggest and best first thing you can ever do. Whether it be with a teacher, sibling, friend, parent or even a counselor. Being able to communicate is the first step to your life getting better. It doesn’t have to be even talking; it can be a letter or email or text…let people know what’s going on in your life, your thoughts and emotions. People can and will help you, you just need to search them out. Oh and one last thing, never EVER let someone bring you down. You’re you, and you is always good enough. Never stray from who you are because you never know who will come along and want and love “you”.

- Marc M. (Brampton, ON, Canada)

[regrets-and-eternal-mistakes]

I can't do anything but stare into space....I can't live without human interaction

[regrets-and-eternal-mistakes]

I don't think she's coming😭