redirectionofamisconception

[redirectionofamisconception]

dear clothing manufacturers:

make sleeves go all the way to the wrist

stop putting shelf bras in everything

make jeans for short people with big butts

make shirts out of anything more substantial than gossamer

stop putting hanger straps on everything, they’re fn annoying and we’re disasters who don’t use them anyway

fake pockets???!!? FAKE POCKETS??!!?

put pockets on everything i am serious

charge less than half what you’re currently charging for shorts

end ‘one size fits all’ forever

size women’s clothing the way you size men’s clothing: with MEASUREMENTS

basically stop everything you’re doing and start over completely and don’t be rude dusty dongs this time

[redirectionofamisconception]

star wars characters as john mulaney quotes

anakin: when my wife walks down the street, she does not give a shit what anyone thinks of her in any situation. she’s my hero. when i walk down the street, i need everybody, all day long, to like me so much. it’s exhausting.

padme: you have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair.

obi wan: i’ll keep all my emotions right here. and then one day, i’ll die.

palpatine: and then i said “no.” you know, like a liar.

leia: some people give off a vibe of, right away, they’re like, “do not fuck with me.”

luke: my vibe is more like “hey, you could pour soup in my lap and i’d probably apologize to you.”

han: they’re like, “does that work?” i’m like, “it didn’t NOT work.”

lando: hi, i’m very gay and i’d like a few dollars.

rey: i have had a very long day. i am very small and i have no money. so you can imagine the kind of stress i’m under.

finn: you know those days where you’re like, “this might as well happen”?

poe: i don’t care for these new nazis and you may quote me on that.

kylo: when i’m walking down the street, no one’s ever like, “hey! look at that man!” i think they’re just like, “whoa, that tall child looks terrible! get some rest, tall child!”

rose: i try to stay optimistic, even though i must admit, things are getting pretty sticky.

[redirectionofamisconception]

New Girl - Best of Season 4 so far

Schmidt

[redirectionofamisconception]

[redirectionofamisconception]

People who are younger than you but taller

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The difference is clear

[redirectionofamisconception]

Synonyms are weird because if you invite someone to your cottage in the forest that just sounds nice and cozy, but if I invite you to my cabin in the woods you’re going to die.

[redirectionofamisconception]

god i fucking love people like right now someone is kissing their baby on the forehead for the first time and someone just went into a french bakery and is deeply inhaling and someone is dyeing their hair the color of the sky and someone just confessed their love to someone and you’re reading this post but you are alive and you will be okay and you will be happy

[redirectionofamisconception]

Oxford Dictionary in the streets. Urban Dictionary in the sheets.

[redirectionofamisconception]

How about love?

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[redirectionofamisconception]

As soon as you think “maybe I can get up early and just finish it tomorrow” you’ve already lost

[redirectionofamisconception]

The Mummy (1999) / The Mummy Returns (2001)

[redirectionofamisconception]

I just realized that it’ll be the 20’s again in less than six years. I propose we bring back swing music and jazz attire.

[redirectionofamisconception]

hey guys, hope your skin is clear and you get a text from someone you like real soon.

also that your lunch tastes good, you find twenty dollars on the ground, and that thing coming up that you were dreading turns out not so bad

[redirectionofamisconception]

did you know if you tell anyone from 15-20 years old that ketchup is a great moisturizer they will smile and think about corbin bleu

[redirectionofamisconception]

do you ever just ‘there’s probably something medically wrong with me but i’m just gonna ignore it and hope i don’t die’?