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How to art with Adhd

This is something i've realized is difficult. Any job is difficult with Adhd. Staying on task is hard enough, task switching, and prioritizing is also difficult. There is so much to do, and so much that can be done. There is always something to do and Adhd brains put it in the all important or none...or wrong priority order entirely. Doing things daily is something that I found I can do for a few months at a time for a certain duration before it slips...and usually stays gone.

Im trying to get back into doing art and potentially making my own business out of it, which requires much self discipline...something that is tricky. What im going to try to do is create a backlog. Make lists of things that I want to get done, but give really general or long timespans to achieve these things. E.g monthly or even yearly. Not sure if this will work, but trying something is better than trying nothing. At least for me.

Remember ADHD has weaknesses for sure, but...it also has strengths, remember that time when you had to cram for school, a test, an exam...you got distracted an left it until the last minute, then by some miracle you passed or even did well? That time when you blitz cleaned your house because you were guilty and your parents were coming to visit the next day? Yeah, those moments. Some people, neurotypicals even...might spend months of daily self-disciplined study and still not achieve those things. They might cram and forget to do the one thing that was most important to get done. Believe and trust in your own intelligence. We have lived our lives falling, and learning to catch ourself, to keep up with the rest of the neurotypicals around us. We've learned how to catch up usually very quickly and in as little time as possible if we fall behind. Out of necessity. We had very good deductive reasoning and learn very quickly. E.g you got called on by the teacher/boss to answer a question at work/school. You have literally a few seconds to figure out what is going on because you weren't paying attention, you see what page other people are on in their books, or you look at the board to get context clues, you remember the last topic you were all talking about and go from there. If you still can't find the right answer or question, you might probe a little more, reach out for the extra context clues you're missing give a thoughtful "Hmmmm" even an "im not sure" or "I was just wondering/thinking about that" and depending on the reaction you might be able to then deduce where everyone is at. You can then catch yourself up to speed. You not only just learned the information you missed out on while you were distracted or zoning out, but also ways, tools and tricks on how to catch yourself, and catch up in future...the more tools you learn, the faster you become at using them. Even the "weaknesses" can become strengths depending on how you look at it. I might hyperfocus on research about one particular aspect of art, or get distracted and watch videos on art which then turns into videos on gaming or cooking...again though...is that really a loss? One day I might want to draw food, and i'll use that information as reference, or maybe I might want to do pixel art and 3D graphics and watching youtubers playing a game will show me what they most enjoy, and how they navigate a space, what they're drawn to explore, where there eyes are attracted to, what evokes emotions from them about what they're seeing. For me, I treat everything as a learning experience, and no knowledge is useless knowledge. Just because I am not using it right now, doesn't mean that I will never need it. There's absolutely no way I could possibly ever know that its useless and i'll never need or want to use it :)

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Moving and Adjusting with Adhd

So, moving is difficult, it requires a lot of organization. Which is a weakness of those with adhd. Many lists were made, with visual deadlines. Loose with monthly goals, and some things with weekly goals. Weekly goals were simple, pack a box, mail a package. going room by room, putting things into categories helped. E.g "trash", "donate", "pack"(stuff that I wouldn't use or miss) Think about how you're moving, and what you'll need! Clothing into vacuum sealed bags. Soft things like stuffed toys also put in vacuum sealed bags. Small things, into small containers. Make sure to pack things via fragility. E.g Fragile stuff, either wrapped in paper, bubble wrap, or blankets. or even multiple of these altogether. Labels! I found that putting labels on boxes helped not just the packing process (as I knew where to pack something if I found something in a random place) but also unpacking too. Container labelled bathroom went into the bathroom etc. Also group things with what they'll need. Computer was packed with its accessories, screws and it's cables nearby. Your bed frame, put its screws somewhere you can easily access and find them! Put things that need to go to the tip, things that need to be mailed and things that are going to be donated, into the car, or in its own area! This will stop you from getting confused as to what it was for an where it was going. I had donation clothes in different coloured bags (green cloth bags) or pink garbage bags, whereas trash was in black trash bags. (you can also label your trash bags, so you know whats in them and where they need to go e.g plastics, electronics, scrap metal. Having an off day and want to still be productive because you're worried about not having enough time? Make a box, either tape up a carboard box or several, or label a plastic box, maybe just wash, and organize clothing, small things like this aren't as stressful and don't require as much energy and effort but they still will help the future you out! Clothing once washed and sorted can easily then be able to be put straight away once you've moved! Make sure to have tools! Remember you'll need to disassemble, reassemble, cut tape, and build things. Get yourself a couple of tools! I picked up a multitool, and a very small toolkit that has a screwdriver with different attachments and tips ( you never know whether you might need a Philips head or a chisel head and what exact sizes, so get a kit that comes with multiple kids and sizes) Get different kinds of tape, masking, electrical, and normal sticky tape. That way depending on what you're taping you can feel safe in knowing that no matter what it is you've got a tape that will work for it. Have a suitcase or bag like you would for an overnight stay at a friends house, this will serve you temporarily. Pack enough clothes for a week, toiletries (toothbrush and toothpaste, hairbrush, deodorant) things you'll need, and books and puzzle books. Basically this will help you panic less when you get to your new home because you'll have the basic necessities and wont have to hurriedly unpack trying to find the things you need. Like your toothbrush or hairbrush or a jacket. Will update this more if I think of other things. Hope this helps.

[redfoxdiary]

First day on 12hr 60mg

So far can tell the dosage is higher.

Silence is somehow louder. I can focus on one sound, and its not annoying, dropping taps etc. I want to plan alot, I know I can get the things that I plan actually done. 

I feel more distant from the things that bother me, and feel like I can cope. Slight feeling of heavy headedness as they started to kick in, mild tingling in hands.

I have to get use to to the fact that I don’t have to worry i’ve only got a 4hrs window in which to plan, evaluate and execute tasks now. I don’t need to rush.

edit- it’s been over 4hrs now, I feel anxiety creeping in. Im not sure why, I feel like i should be doing things or maybe i’m forgetting something. I’ll see how I do at work.

[redfoxdiary]

Things to learn when neurodivergent

Things that I realize that I always had trouble with, and now are having to learn. Things that others can do, and have always been able to do and learnt when young. -Saying “no” healthy boundaries, establishing boundaries is important for self-respect, avoid being used and taken advantage off, and avoid burnout. Reflexively people pleasing, and saying yes to everything causes serious issues in health, mental and physical. Cause issues with romantic relationships, friendships, and work relationships. Saying no if too difficult, allowing some delay, hesitation, or different phrasing can make it easier. E.g “i’ll have to check my calendar/schedule” or “i’m not sure, let me get back to you” being put on the spot makes saying no harder, and the pressure and anxiety of it can lead to a “yes”reaction, even if straight afterwards you know you can’t do it, have no idea what you agreed to. Getting stuck saying yes can lead to resentment or lead to coming across as flakey, unreliable or untrustworthy as when you do feel comfortable enough to eventually say no, or it comes to the plans and you have to bail or you can’t show up/ or do the thing because of anxiety. This is why it’s important not just for yourself to learn to say no, but also a good thing for relationships and others as well. If you can’t do it for yourself, and you feel selfish, think about it and the way that it’s helpful for/to others to take care of yourself. -Asking for help. This can be difficult, but is important for mental and physical health to avoid burnout, I found that I would often complain about the things that I found hard/difficult and all the tasks that I felt like I had to do and how overwhelmed I did. This was my way of prompting others to help, without actually asking them, those that knew me realized that it was what I was doing. To others it just came across as probing for sympathy or pity, manipulation or just depressive negativity. When I start to vent, and complain about all the difficulties, I will then after evaluate whether or not I am trying to get/ask for help or just venting. Can someone do something to help? Is it something you think is a large task when to them, it is something smaller and easier? If unsure, ask people. “What do you think?”or “what would you do?” if you manage to get up the courage to directly ask for help but feel embarrassed add “is that ok?” to the end of the sentence this way it can avoid guilt as well. “I have a bit on my plate at the moment, would you be able to help, is that okay?”or “can you help with some of it, is that okay?”or “can I get your help with it, is that okay?” it also is asking them for permission and reassurance to ask for help, their reaction will help reinforce the connection between...ask for help, get thing done. Another way of thinking about it is that, your friends and family might want to help you, and by insisting on doing everything yourself, they may feel like the relationship/friendship isn’t equal, if they ask for help they may even feel guilty. Others also like to help, they like to feel needing and wanting in the lives of those they care about. They would rather, help you and work with you, so you both can achieve things together, you can split things equally if it makes things easier for you, help them with xyz then they help you with xyz...or if you ask for help you can offer to help them out with a task afterwards, that way both parties progress and achieve things without guilt.

[redfoxdiary]

Things that help with adhd

Just going to compile a list of things so far that help with managing my adhd.

Keep things within arms reach where they’re needed most. 

-to make coffee, mugs,coffee,sugar etc all close to kettle

-laundry keep dirty clothes that need to be washes soonest (most important) in the laundry room.

- need hats, gloves, shoes socks, keys, wallet, bag to go out? Put them all together next to the door.

-keep medications, vitamins with daily stuff near kitchen to have with breakfast/coffee.

-keep deodorants, toothbrushes in each bathroom, and extra of everything around house and in bag.

-wallet, keys, travel cars and medication always go back in bag (commit it to muscle memory as to not have to worry about forgetting them)

-separate laundry baskets, keep in bathroom, bedroom and laundry so clothes don’t go on floor.

-Have as much visual as possibly, post it notes, big calender, color code to help identify important more vs less.

-Daily checklist.

-split up tasks into rooms, kitchen clean, bathroom clean, bedroom clean and tidy, laundry...by room instead of by task e.g vacuum. 

[redfoxdiary]

medication journey p3

I ended up calculating finances, this was something I hated...I avoided..I never wanted to worry about money, I saw this one thing turn good people into horrible people...the worry of money, expenditures, budgets and expenses. I started slowly, I knew that that each dose of my medication, lasted 4 hrs.  I also knew I had two doses.  I had two 4 hr windows, every day where I could do this. Those two 4hr windows I could unwavering, efficiently dedicate to important things I needed to do to make my life run smoothly.  I used these windows to do chores, laundry and cleaning, I also used it to update my schedule, and work out and calculate expenditures, and finances. 

[redfoxdiary]

medication journey p2

So from there,

I went from 10mgs, to 20, two doses per day...I picked up a job, instead of feeling like there was no way I could keep it, and that eventually i’d burn out, i’d let myself an everyone else down...all over again...I started to see things differently...I started to see things more as challenges that I can actually overcome...rather than something that I was pulling myself through until eventually my stamina gave out and I gave up. I started to find I was paying attention to things I didn’t before. I could multitask better, I could remember more, I could retain things for longer, my stamina was improved. I didn’t need 10000 different lists for things, and 50 different timers so that I wouldn’t forget even the most basic things. I started to feel confident, my work improved, my routines started to be able to be more stable, and consistent. I started to make a schedule with some help from others ( I had tried schedules and budgets and organizers all my life without any success) I have binged hrs of self-help, and organisation videos, tutorials, blogs you name it I tried it. I decided to use what information had somewhat worked for me in the past...I put all those bits and pieces together, including things like colour coding visually, contrasting things, and splitting my days up either AM/PM or more specific like morning, afternoon and night. I allowed others to be able to change and input things into it as well, things that I might need to do/get done, times that I spent quality time with them as well. Their schedules. This meant that my work/freetime schedule then grew into two, work schedule, and also a social schedule...this meant that I could visually see where all my time was being spent, how much time was wasted, and also how much time I could spend on social things without it burning me out. Conflicting/ double booking things (which use to happen frequently) were now obvious and I noticed they started to happen less, I even began to add appointments as well...things I’d never done like routine checkups, teeth cleans, psych appointments, everything I knew that was important.

[redfoxdiary]

medication journey

So far, intially I started on 10mg of Dexamphetamine. At first, I didn’t notice much, it was a gradual realization that things were changing/have changed...I noticed sensations more, birds, the wind on my face, the warmth of the sun on my skin, I took a deep breathe and felt the air enter my lungs. I then noticed that while those gentle things seemed as though they were almost heightened...it wasn’t the case...what I actually realized was that my world was quieter, I noticed those things because all the other thoughts and sensations were either quietened, calmed or completely silenced. I no longer had multiple thoughts smashing into each other and cutting each other off, I no longer found sensations like car noises, train noises, smells were overwhelming my senses. The longer time went on and I felt this calm and quiet the more my mind and body relaxed...then something unusual started to happen.

I began to cry, I recognized the type of sadness the sadness immediately, I was mourning, what was a mourning? Loss. I realized what I was feeling, was the way that most people felt...this peace, the calm, It was something that I hadn’t experienced, to be truly relaxed and at peace without worry, and anxiety...I had been diagnosed with depression and anxiety, and had been medication on anti-anxiety meds and anti-depressants intermittently throughout my life, I had spent many years on and off in therapy exasperatedly trying to explain that I just seemingly couldn’t cope with life, couldn’t do simple things that everyone else could...I watched everyone else, get degrees, get jobs, get married, have children, go to the gym and get fit, learn to cook and eat healthy well balanced meals. Balance, I had none of that...I felt left behind. I couldn’t keep up with others no matter how hard I tried, how hard I fought. This medication had given me a glimpse into what it was like for those people, what my life could have been like.  I mourned the suffering, pain, anguish I went through,the loss of time YEARS, and success and achievements that I could have had, a peaceful and calm life that I never got to experience. All I knew, is that with this one glimpse, I wanted more. I had a lot to make up for that I had missed out on in life, I had a lot to catch up on, and for the first time, I had finally found a way to do it. I finally felt, like with this medication, I could finally be the person that I felt like I could be, that I was suppose to be all my life. The person that I was fighting to be with every fiber of my being every single day.

[redfoxdiary]

First Post

I’ve decided to start a diary. I have started many before, but this time I want to document the latest developments in my life.

First of all, in the last year I have not only found out I have ADHD, but have also been medicated for it. This diary will mostly be used to document information about this.