redctedthoughts

[redctedthoughts]

Hopeless

I just saw my two only friends, and I’m more sad than ever. Not only are their lifes are going great but they have great jobs that they love and enjoy.

Both of them are getting promotions whereas I’m working at a fucking cinema. I’m feeling hopeless. I know crying my eyes out won’t help, neither will writting but at least I can speak up to the void that s my life.

Nobody knows how I’m feeling because why shoud they care. Both of them didn’t when they started talking how great ther jobs where, the money that they make, the trips that they go on, the promotions that they are going tohave or already have. I looked down, I didn’t comment as much, I knew I looked uoset, but they didn;t care. Nobody does. What am I meant to do. 

I feel like I’m failing in life. I am failing. I’m failing im failing im failing im failing im failing im failing im failing im failing im failing im failing im failing why why am i failing

I’m a disappoinment to me, to my family, to everyone. And I don’t know what to do. I can’t seem to pull myself together. why m i such a failure this was supposed to be easy i was doing so well but then i fucked it all up why am i so stupid this is all your fault you did this to yourself you killed all the chances that you had you made it this way you made your bed lie in it now and dont cry stop crying you made this you created this why are you crying stop sop stop stop stop 

your tears are not seen by anybody because they dont care why should they do something sitting in your parents house wont do shit you are shit maybe better off not existing but 

but what, nothing would be good. cry

[redctedthoughts]

I feel like a failure

Because I am one. Plain and simple. I don’t feel right. Life does not feel right. Numbing everything just makes my life easier, there is no need to talk or say anything about how I feel or think, nobody listens anyway. 

I am a failure.

I am a nobody.

I am useless. 

I am sad.

Sad at everything. But why. Why does it feel like I am asking for attention. Be happy, people need to think that you are happy. You have to make it believable. Why do anything when you will fail. Why try, when you won’t achieve anything. 

You are useless.

Nothing.

just nothing. 

Smile, they need you to smile. Nothing is wrong with you, you’re just lazy. Do something with your life. I’m scared. No, you are just being stupid, you have to do something. Why, when I can get rejected, why even try. 

All you do is make excuses. Nothing is wrong with you, your emotions are not valid. You have everything.

And yet I have nothing. At least in my heart. Pretend. Smile. You are fine. Fine. Fine, fine fine fine fine fine fine fine fine fine fine fine fine fine fine fine fine fine 

Happy. You are happy.

make them happy. 

[redctedthoughts]

I just got fired. First job. I don't know how to feel about it. Maybe it's a good thing, maybe a bad thing I can't decide. Lack of motivation. Sure I didn't have motivation but you surely didn't give me any to begin with.

Maybe it is for the best but I still feel awful, like I let evrybody around me down.

I didn't try to live and breath my job. Maybe I'm not built for it. I love some aspects of the job but not all. Maybe that's the problem. It is the problem. I should love my job fully, even if I hate it sometimes.

Need to work on that. Fall in love again.

[redctedthoughts]

I can't explain what it feels like when you see a strong person helpless.

[redctedthoughts]

I never thought I could achieve anything good in life. I still haven't. But the thing is that I don't know what I want from my life. Am I on the right path? Or not? Asking for a friend.

[redctedthoughts]

The reasons why I don't talk much is to listen to the world around me. It holds so many secrets. Talking just silences what is there.

[redctedthoughts]

I'm afraid to write my thoughts for a blog that I created for my thoughts.