rebelrunnergirl

[rebelrunnergirl]

Had somewhat of a training breakthrough yesterday when we swam in super rough Atlantic Ocean action for my first open water swim in almost a year, despite massive anxiety. I got out there with my best training buddy, and one of my biggest cheerleaders, and a big group of other triathletes. We all just sort of had to hang in because it was rough surf with lots of breakers way offshore—even lost my goggles on the swim exit. As I was swimming, to calm myself, I kept repeating what my coach has told me over and over: “Badass motherfucker.” And it worked. We didn’t go as far as normally do on these swims, but that’s okay. It was a great confidence boost for me, which I sorely needed. I included a few other training selfies from the week too. We are all works in progress. It’s okay to begin again. Stay with it, y’all 💪🏻

[rebelrunnergirl]

Pain cave face on the bike trainer today—total sweat fest, and I loved every minute of it. I still have a long way to go for training, but I can do this.

[rebelrunnergirl]

Scenes from a pretty good week—got some solid training done and took the time to enjoy the world around me. I had some encouraging runs this past week, so I’m hopeful that I’ve turned a corner. Trying to find the beauty when things get hard and stressful helps a lot.

[rebelrunnergirl]

A bit warm yesterday, but I had a solid interval workout for my run. Baby steps, and I’m sore from it today, but, damn, it felt good.

[rebelrunnergirl]

March was a rough month here. Older kid got sick while my parents were visiting (for a week—ugh), and then I got sick and was down for nearly 2 weeks, so there was pretty much no training happening until a few easy days last week. This week I’m managing to get some training in, despite some insomnia, though that seems to be a little better too. Hoping April is more productive and active for me. I need to pick some races, but I need to be healthy and fit to race.

I did enjoy some staycation spring break time with my kids, helping my younger son find sea glass (which is ridiculously hard to do). Not a complete loss for a month 👍🏻

[rebelrunnergirl]

Scenes from training and then my kid got sick and now I’m sidelined with a sinus infection and possible bronchitis, so I’m sipping hot tea and lots of water and resting.

[rebelrunnergirl]

Rough patches don’t last

I’ve been working on more consistency lately. I’m getting there, but it’s slow-going. And things have been super stressful lately. But here are a few recent scenes of my efforts.

[rebelrunnergirl]

Struggling, but slowly adding workouts back

I’m still struggling with consistency in workouts. Last week was the first week back to school for my kids after winter break, and, well, the first few days of the week, I didn’t get quality sleep. I’m already exhausted most days anyway, so I chose to skip a few workouts, especially after an “easy” run of 30 minutes felt ridiculously difficult. In a way, I suppose I should give myself credit for not pushing through and potentially hurting myself more or further depleting my body’s energy stores.

I’ve been knocking out health care things this week too, so that I can hopefully get better answers to what’s happening on the inside and solutions for helping ease my symptoms. I also hope to start PT for this weird hip/glute/TFL thing I’ve been dealing with since late June of 2017—I really miss my consistent running. And I miss not being all tightened up and uncomfortable after a run (not the normal—“hey I worked hard” soreness—this is different). I also miss being able to sit comfortably for road trips or longer plane flights🤷🏻‍♀️

I’ve been doing better about consistency with yoga practice and daily meditation, though there is always room for more. I went to a restorative yoga and meditation practice on Saturday, and it was SUBLIME—left feeling very relaxed and, interestingly enough after some added reiki, my hip/glute/TFL thing improved noticeably.🙌🏻🙏🏻

I’m attaching a few training scenes from the week and sending a shout out to NBS Hydration, courtesy of Breakthrough Nutrition, for helping me hydrate and recover from the workouts👊🏼💪🏻

[rebelrunnergirl]

Slow is better than not at all

After a really nice (and long overdue) break from my usual life responsibilities, thanks to @lagirlontherun and her hubs, I’m home and back at it, though easing in just a little. We have had unseasonably cool weather here in south Florida, which makes running more fun for me because I hate the heat and humidity, though swimming is problematic.

I was a little jet-lagged, so I took Thursday off after a super-Long travel day on Wednesday (read flight from Hell), and I think it was a smart move. Yesterday’s run was the longest I’ve been on my feet since May/June of 2017 since this whole weird hip/glute/SI joint pain thing started. And I had to pause about 20 minutes into the run to go home and change into shorts and short sleeves 😂 I did feel a bit sluggish on the run (it was Walk/run intervals), but it’s better than sitting on the couch and not running 👍🏻

Finally got to go back to my usual Friday evening candlelight yoga class, and wow, have I missed that! Nice to get my routine back, though I am determined to take more time off for myself from now on. I WILL do this. And I WILL get my fitness back 🙌🏻

[rebelrunnergirl]

Scenes from the end of 2017, and I’m so happy to be spending it with my bestie @lagirlontherun and starting the new year in a more relaxed state. My hope for all of you is something new and great for this new year and grace and understanding for all of us.

[rebelrunnergirl]

Back to it after a week off because of flu in our house—ALL of us🤷🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ Going a little easy this week because I don’t want to relapse. Also, gratuitous pup photo because he’s cute and has to be next to me at all times 😂

[rebelrunnergirl]

Flu stinks, y’all—whole family hit with it, though I got luckier than they all did. Still wiped and will have to ease back into workouts (I hope) next week. Lots of fluid and lots of rest. I DID get some unexpected good news yesterday—I’ve been selected for the #wattieinkhitsquad for 2018🙌🏻

[rebelrunnergirl]

Another short run today, and it’s stupid hot and humid again (thanks, south Florida), but I got out there. My piriformis and glute are back nagging me again, but I’m hoping with some steady doses of yoga and therapy that it’ll be loosened up soon so that I’m not dealing with that after I run or bike. Nice to have the sutures out so I can do things that involved the lower abs. Had some @recoverybits chlorella algae after to help with detoxing all the crap from my system 🙌🏻🙏🏻

[rebelrunnergirl]

Easing back into training after a much longer hiatus than I would have liked, but putting health first, so I will take it. Baby steps are still better than no steps at all.

[rebelrunnergirl]

Finishing happy and strong

[rebelrunnergirl]

Santa Rosa 70.3 Part 2--the actual race (yeah, I did it)

1. My pre-race routine is to wake up thinking, "Seriously?! What the hell was I thinking signing up for this?" (Soooo not a morning person) This was the first race I've had to wake a teammate on race morning. That conversation went like this--me to Mel Schiff: "Hey, Mel, it's 3." Mel: "No." That cracked me up because I felt the same way:) Then I got up and had my shake of rice milk and protein (half a scoop w/6 ozs of milk) and sunflower butter on about half a plain bagel. I can't stomach more than that so early, so I usually carry a salty ball to nibble on while I set up T1. We got dressed, woke Shannon McGarry, and she took us and our gear bags to the shuttle for T1. It was pretty chilly outside, so I was glad I'd at least packed sweatpants and a hoodie.

 2. This was my third 70.3 and second branded 70.3. I've never raced in wine country before, or anywhere in California, for that matter.

 3. The swim was actually better than I expected, especially considering water doesn't tend to be that cold in south Florida, where I live and train. The water was warmer than the air, so I didn't feel the usual shock of colder water, which helped a lot, I think. I wasn't sure what to expect from the cold, to be honest. I'd done a short practice swim the afternoon before with Shannon, but racing is always different. Honestly, this was my first race that I didn't once feel panicky in the water, so I call this mad progress. I didn't know how the cold would affect my swimming, and I had been reading about swimming in colder water, so I just tried my best to relax and do a steady pace, though, in hindsight, maybe it was too relaxed. I never felt like I was out of breath; my heart rate felt pretty even; I felt GOOD. So, I went with it. I sighted like a boss on this one, cutting as close to the buoys as I could. It was neat to swim under that bridge--I'd never experienced a swim like that before. There was the usual jostling in the water--I need to work on getting around people better. We had a few bottlenecks that frustrated me a bit.

4. I got out of the water feeling relaxed, another first for me in any distance race. There were supposed to be mats for us up the ramp into T1, but the mats we had didn't go very far. When my bare feet hit the asphalt, it felt like walking on broken glass (probably a combo of my very cold feet and the fact that I'm not a hobbit). I just couldn't move any faster, partially because the grade was pretty steep, which we don't have where I live, and partially because my feet hurt SO MUCH. (Note to self or anyone else--bring extra old shoes to throw off to the side to wear coming out of the water too.) My T1 time was crap, but I didn't rush myself--I didn't see the point by the time I got to my bike. It is what it is, and I'm still learning.

 5. The bike--HA! Well, it was terrifying at first because of the downhills with turns (remember--it's pancake flat in south Florida), so I was pretty tense for that part, but I was also exhilarated. I tapped the brakes a lot and probably had a death grip on my bars (my hands were achy later). The course was BEAUTIFUL--it looked like a promotional poster for wine country, with vineyards and gorgeous buildings all along the way. I must say, though, that the roads are rather rough, which I understand in an agricultural area with heavy trucks and farming equipment--that wasn't fun. And then there was the climbing--sweet baby Jesus, I thought it would NEVER end. Lots of rolling hills, though steeper than I've experienced before. I kept telling myself I was strong enough to keep it up and that I was NOT getting off to walk, nor did I, so I'm pretty effing proud of that. I did ask a few people as they passed me if we were close to the end of climbing periodically; once I even thought I might just stop at a winery and call it a day, but... I made peace with the bike portion by telling myself, I needed my legs to run, and that helped me a lot. I hydrated well, and I ate when I was supposed to eat, so I did that right. It was a tough course for a flatlander.

6. What I felt in T2 was relief to be off the bike finally;) Also, I really had to pee, but I did that after racking my bike and getting my run gear on. I got annoyed when I got to my run bag because some morons had, of course, racked their bikes completely wrong. A lady on the other side who was changing was kind enough to help me move handlebars so that I could rack my bike, and I'm officially calling her my T2 angel:)

 7. I was pleasantly surprised to find that my legs didn't feel all wobbly and painful when I started the run. I did start too fast because I was excited that it wasn't 80 degrees by this point in the day and excited I still felt like running after all that bike climbing;) I managed to get my pacing under control and settled in for the 13.1. I spotted Shannon on the way out of T1 and heard my coach (not entirely sure because I didn't actually see them all), so that was a big boost. I liked the run course, for the most part, though, some of the laps were a little confusing--I kept asking people running around or near me what mile they were on, just to be sure I had not missed a turn. When I hit the 5k mark, I hit my groove and sort of knew that I had a run PR in the bag if I could manage to keep my pacing pretty even with my heart rate, but I didn't focus too much on the PR part because, I mean, stuff happens, so I enjoyed the trail and the scenery and just did my thing--sipped when I needed to, ate my chews every so often, grabbed a few orange slices here and there, and chatted up a few people along the way. It's always cool to experience the encouragement on these courses. Nothing like it. I was hoping to have more of a kick toward the end of the run, and I did manage to pick it up a bit for the last mile, though I didn't realize how much of a PR I was going to have at the time. (I'm an English/history major--math isn't my thing.) When I rounded the last corner before the chute, I picked it up even more and high-fived people along the chute, and, well, I ENJOYED it.

8. Honestly, I enjoyed it all. Truly. I'd probably do it again.

 9. The bike climbing was tough for me, and I didn't love the asphalt on my bare feet on the way up to T1.

10. In comparison, we really lucked out with the weather, because my two prior 70.3s have been HOT. I can't complain about race support at all on this one, and, honestly, I felt like crowd support was the best I've experienced, even compared to Boulder. (My Miami race was in the boonies, so it doesn't compare.) I had my doubts driving the bike course the day before that I could do it (had a mild freakout about it), but my training paid off in spades.

11. So many people to thank--gotta start with Audra Adair, my coach, first, because she's been pushing me, and I'm getting stronger because of the tri training and the strength training she's had me doing. I cannot forget Mikki Osterloo, who's always on my Training Peaks too and is a great cheerleader wherever she is on the planet at the time:) Shannon McGarry has been a fantastic friend/teammate/cheerleader/Sherpa for me as well--sometimes she has to talk me off a ledge about stuff. And I need to thank Mel Schiff for being an awesome teammate and waiting for me at the finisher's chute, even though I knew she'd been done for a while.

[rebelrunnergirl]

Ironman 70.3 Santa Rosa (Part I)

This race almost didn’t happen for me. I almost didn’t get on the plane for California the Wednesday before the race, even though I had already shipped my bike. The weeks leading up to it were mentally and emotionally draining for me, personally, having little to do with my training, so my heart, my determination, and my energy were definitely not on racing.

A little background--my older son has high-functioning autism. He was officially diagnosed at 7 years old. Fast-forward to now--he’ll be 14 soon. He’s been in therapy this entire time. He’s made progress, LOTS of it, but, to the untrained eye, it may not seem that way. And, more often than I like to admit, even I forget in the moments when he’s having a hard time with a social concept or refuses to participate in school or some change has thrown him off and agitated him. He’s still sensitive to certain sounds, textures, temperatures, and tastes, all things that I have to be constantly aware of in order to potentially intervene before a meltdown may ensue. We have a pretty rigid routine in place because sudden changes are very bad, and he cannot deal with them. His motor skills are still pretty awkward. When his blood sugar gets low, he becomes virtually inconsolable. And, he is wicked smart--his IQ is higher than 99% of the population of the planet. (He doesn’t know that part.) Add to all of this, puberty, and, well, you have the makings of almost daily emotional tornadoes. Things have been really tense at home for a while now.

I do my best to maintain a routine for him and make sure he eats often enough (if he doesn’t, he becomes frantic). We regularly attend therapy, sometimes weekly, but usually every other week. He’s had a meltdown in the past several weeks, which we haven’t experienced in a long while, but, thankfully, it wasn’t a physical one, because, honestly, I don’t know that I’m physically strong enough to manage him anymore. He’s bored with school and doesn’t see the point. He’s depressed and anxious. And then, exactly one week before the race, shit hit the fan at his very small private school (10 students in grades 6-12). He and another student have been butting heads all year, and she also has special needs, though hers are physically evident. The school finally rearranged the class setups about 8 weeks ago to help them avoid one another, and that aspect of school at least became a bit easier for both, or so we thought.

One week before I was supposed to board my flight to California, I picked him up from school, asked him how his day was (“Um, okay”—usual response), and I drove to the bike shop to drop my bike for transport to the race. We had been home for an hour when I received an “incident report” about him and his school nemesis snarking at one another on the way to the restroom, mainly just kid stuff, but, since he has zero filter, I have to constantly remind him how to interact socially, so I asked him about it, and he responded that only part of the report was accurate (turned out to be the truth on his part—plus, he’s a terrible liar, so I knew right away), and then he added, “Plus, I don’t understand why her mom came into the school and yelled at me when I got there this morning.” I was stunned—surely I misunderstood what he said. So I asked him to repeat what he said about the other student’s mom to make sure I had heard correctly. He did, and before the blind rage completely took me, I managed to ask, “What exactly did she say?” I knew that he wouldn’t be able to tell me, because as a defense mechanism, he shuts down during confrontation and has no memory of it whatsoever—it happens when during meltdowns too, and this is perfectly normal for him. But I had to ask before I made my next move.

So many emotions and thoughts overtook me, and then I glanced at my 10 year old (who is not on the spectrum) and saw his face—he absorbs so much of this intensity around him too—stopped myself and said, as calmly as I could manage, “Okay. Let me take your brother to art, and I will contact the director, and we will handle this. Don’t worry about it right now, okay?” My teen said, “Okay,” and my 10 year old visibly relaxed a bit. When we got in the car, my 10 year old simply and quietly said, “I’m sorry, Mama.” He does this all the time when I get upset too—he tries to comfort ME.  That killed me, so I said, “Buddy, please don’t apologize. None of this is what you need to deal with, and I am sorry that you have to witness it all. It’s going to be okay. I will handle this, and I will always protect you and your brother. Okay?” He perked a bit at this, and I changed the subject to his day while I drove him to art. He’s mainly a very happy kid, so that helped.

All of my endurance training helped prevent me from doing or saying anything colossally stupid—this is no exaggeration. Otherwise, I might be writing this from jail. On a paper napkin with a dull pencil. When I called the director, it took every last ounce of self-control I had to suppress a stream of profanity worthy of mortifying hardened sailors. Verbally, and in writing, I requested a written report of everything that was said and done by the mother during this incident, which I received later on and insisted that school policies needed some drastic changes regarding parental interaction with students.

This is what transpired that morning, partially from me and partially from the school investigation: I dropped him at school that morning, and I saw the mom and her child waiting outside the school, which never happens, and my gut told me to walk into school with him, but when I mentioned it to him, he said, “No, Mama. That’s embarrassing.” So, against my instincts and better judgment, I told him not to talk to them and to just go to his desk and start his work. She followed him inside, apparently, and, in the presence of at least one staff member and another student, threatened him with bodily harm if he ever talked to her daughter again. (Yes, really.)

When I received this report, I was LIVID and worried. I struggled with wanting to hunt her down myself, with calling the police to file charges, with wanting to hug and comfort a child who hates to be touched,  with taking legal action, and with soul-crushing guilt for not having walked him inside school that morning. I reached out to my college tribe for support because I knew that I needed talking down. (My husband was traveling and was unreachable for most of this, and my family is not supportive—they think his diagnosis is an excuse for us to avoid parenting “properly.”)

It didn’t take long before the school requested a meeting with my husband and me. It turns out that whatever he was accused of saying to her daughter had never occurred, and, when confronted with this fact, the mother was unrepentant and refused to apologize for her behavior. The school immediately banned her, and, consequently, her daughter, which is unfortunate for the child. The school staff have been instructed to immediately call police if she appears again. They’ve changed their parent/student interaction policies. They were very apologetic for not contacting us immediately. So, at least that part was encouraging.

But now, before bed, my teenager frequently asks what would have happened if the child’s dad had showed up or if the mom returns. I reassure him that we won’t let it happen, and that he’s safe. My 10 year old asks about it all the time. He worries for his brother and always has. So, no, I REALLY didn’t want to leave them, even with their dad (who can’t stick to a routine to save his life, except his own), though my husband does okay when I leave explicit written instructions.

This all left me mentally and emotionally drained. I wasn’t sure I had a race in me anymore. Physically, I was ready, but I just didn’t know about my mental and emotional state. I didn’t feel like my heart or head was in it this time. I wasn’t even excited about the prospect of a girls’ trip and race for which I had been training my ass off. A friend finally convinced me to go, reassuring me that she’d help out here if needed. I reluctantly packed, though at the last minute. And I cried most of the way to Fort Lauderdale, but I got on the plane.