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realisticallystan · 4 years

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I Can’t Leave Them -- JATP x Reader

Warnings: contains death(s), angst, major depression ++ JUST SAD OK, slightly unedited but can probably do a rewrite a week or two after I posted this.

Song I listened to while writing:

- Beginning of the End Movement V (The Newton Brothers) + used for death scene

- Somewhere Only We Know (slowed)

(A/N: Idk why I wrote this but it felt really cathartic and it’s how I imagine it would be if someone was friends with them or anything and had to be there when they died... apologies cause this sh*t is sad)

She woke up in a start, heart racing as she fought to catch her breath. Her eyes closed as she held a hand to her chest, feeling the quick beat under the soft skin there, moist with sweat.

“Not that night…” She whispered softly, shaking her head gently. She couldn’t help the frustration she felt with herself, for letting herself think she could sleep a single night without going back to that day.

As her eyes opened, she felt the tear gently weld up in the corners, moments away from dropping. The cause being the harsh remembrance that he was gone. Her person who made her feel so peaceful, so present and undeniably content in her day to day. She often wished she could have him be here, to hold her through the grief, the grief of losing him, but that was impossible.

She knew it was.

Yet she hoped she could see him, feel him, even smell his woodsy scent; riddled with hints of pine and oak. She never really could figure out how he had always used to smell so enticing, but he always was surprising her.

Even till the last couple of minutes before… he was gone.

She sucked in a breath, curling her legs up to her chest and letting her hands rest on her knees. She could still see it so vividly.

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Y/N stopped outside of the studio, feeling the gentle, warm breeze kiss her skin as she listened to the boys all chattering loudly over each other from inside. They were laughing heartily and she could make out a small thud before the double doors swung open just enough for one boy to walk out. Her eyes quickly met his blue ones as he stopped outside and let the doors close behind him. She produced a small wave as he moved slowly to lean back against the now closed doors, taking in her appearance of some comfortable mom jeans, sneakers, and a black Sunset Curve t-shirt. She by all means looked ordinary, but the way he looked at her made her feel like she was everything and more.

“Hey gorgeous, how you doin?”

He had nodded at her in greeting, and it made Y/N try to fight back her smile, her lips itching to form a goofy smile that only he could give her. She never could fight her smile with him. He had this effect on everyone, and never failed to charm the people around him.

“Just dandy Lucas.” She teased with a small smirk, looking at the boy who practically bounced his way over to her as he walked. He was radiating so much energy, since today was their biggest day in their whole lives. It was their time to shine.

He neared her quickly and stopped about an arm’s length away, frowning at her with crinkled eyebrows.

“Hey, hey!” Luke pouted, shaking his arms in rejection. “I refuse to be called that and you know that, you she-devil.”

This had made Y/N scoff, jokingly of course, never once had the guitarist ever truly upset her .

“If you weren’t performing a major, life-changing gig tonight,” She raised her eyebrows and pointed at him. “I would not hesitate to punch you.”

“Aw,” He grinned cheekily, swooping down to press a soft kiss to her cheek.

“You do care.”

Now, that did draw an eye roll from Y/N, and she found herself heading towards the house to get a water bottle before going to watch them rehearse. She had heard his jogging steps as he came up beside her and walked with his arm wrapped securely around her shoulders as he followed her lead to the house. As they did this, she felt glad to be in this moment, it felt so human, and right.

It felt like she could live in this feeling forever.

He was as loyal and true as he could be, he owned it even. Y/N wished she could just live as freely as he did but how could she, she was not as confident as him, but oh how he brought out the very best in her. So she was told by all her friends, the boys, and her parents.

“What is on that busy mind of yours?” He questioned, hitching himself onto the counter as he took in the oddly empty house. It never was quiet around here, but nobody minded. It was always something that felt natural to them.

She could go on for days how grateful she was for them being supportive and even letting them store water in their fridge for days like this. Rehearsals before the big moment.

The Orpheum.

“Tonight is going to change our lives!” She explained with amazement, in almost disbelief that this was really happening to them. She loved every boy as her own family, but with Luke… that was something everyone knew was different. Everyone knew that they were meant for each other.

“You are all so amazing Luke,” She finally placed all of the water bottles on the counter, deciding to grab one for all of them. “You deserve this, and… I love you.” She hesitated, but let it flow. It felt right, natural even, so who was she to stop it.

“You love me?” He smiled, sliding off the counter and slowly coming up to her. Y/N thanked the stars that the homeowners were away for the week, heart thudding against her chest. She felt his calloused hands grab hers, letting his forehead come down to rest against her own.

“So much,” She laughed breathily, causing him to chuckle too.

“I love you too,” Luke whispered. “All I want to do is see that gorgeous smile each day and make you laugh, at least once. That is my mission.” He spoke with admiration, making her feel like she was completely his.

And she was.

Luke brushed his lips against hers before capturing them in a kiss. She wrapped her arms around his neck as she kissed him back gently, projecting all the love she could into it. He grinned and deepened the kiss, not hesitating to make her feel all the love he felt for her.

“As nice as this is,” Y/N pulled away softly, causing Luke to try and chase her lips with his, but she giggled and moved back. “We need to prepare for the Orpheum, it’s in a couple hours so we should really--”

“-Get going,” He raised an eyebrow at her knowingly. “It’s all good, I hear you.” He poked at her, moving to grab most of the waters she left out on the counter. She was thankful he did that, because Y/N knew she would drop them if she even attempted to do that on her own.

“Yes, exactly, rockstar. You catch on quick.” She praised with an amused tone, grabbing the last bottles as they walked out of the kitchen side by side, continuing to chat about their setlist.

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They had just finished their soundcheck, and it was one of the best times they had played, by far. She noticed how they all were just full of energy and it had to be the excitement of the show. Y/N was watching from near the bar and while singing, Luke managed to catch her eye and wink gently at her.

Yet now, Y/N suddenly felt fear as the guys finished chatting on stage and came down, heading directly towards her. She managed to catch the mischievous glint in their eyes before they nodded all in agreement, suddenly running towards her with determination. Y/N shrieked and slid off her barstool, stumbling a bit, which would cause them to catch her almost instantly.

“Ew.. ew, you guys are all completely sweaty!” Y/N squealed, hoping to hurry by the four rowdy boys and away from their outstretched arms, but she found no such luck.

She groaned in mild disgust at feeling their sticky skin press against hers, but ultimately she gave in, letting them smush her in the middle of their group hug. While it was not her favorite hug from the boys, she couldn’t help but happily sigh internally at how nice it felt.

“You guys killed that!” Y/N clapped as they pulled back and gave her some room.

“Right?” Reggie grinned, running a hand through his hair for adjustment. “I was worried I would trip over the wires and fall into Luke but it worked out in the end.” He spoke with animation and relief, causing Y/N to pat his arm, smiling at him.

“Good job hun.”

Reggie pouted at the nickname, feeling as if he was a child she assumed. She tended to mother him sometimes but he never complained and she knew the raven-haired boy enjoyed her presence just as much as the guys’ at gigs. Y/N had known him since around kindergarten and they grew up as best friends, they were quite an odd pair she was told. He had so much confidence and was always running around, eyes full of wonder as he always found something to enjoy. While Y/N was definitely a little bit sensitive; she loved endlessly, was sarcastic and was very funny too, always making the boys smile somehow. When they first met, Reggie had seen the girl get shoved by another kid, she had fallen and had let a small tear run down her cheek in embarrassment. It wasn’t until a hand came into her view that she looked up and saw him, there with a smile and she felt safe. He was basically her brother and she had felt it since that day. If he made her feel safe, she vowed she would do the same for him.

“You know what I mean.” Y/N nudged her shoulder against his, a knowing smile drawn on his pale face. Their inside jokes just coming straight to both minds, no doubt.

“Yeah yeah” He teased, when the guys suddenly turned in Y/N’s direction, multiple sets of eyes falling onto her form

“Y/N,” Luke spoke first. “Odds you want to come get street dogs with us?

“Yeah, please do.” Alex chimed in.

“Bobby is chickening out.” He finished with a pointed stare at the mentioned boy.

You know he was kidding but his expression did seem to hold some truth behind the annoyance. It is important for bands to bond and really get along with each other, so you could see his side.

“Shut up..” Bobby grumbled in denial, causing them all to laugh as he walked up to one of the workers, clearly trying to flirt with the pretty girl with beautiful dark skin and an enchanting smile.

Y/N could see his reasoning for being enamored, she was a truly gorgeous girl, but boy did he not have a chance. He was not good with the flirting, and she had seen him try many different times, all of which had not succeeded.

Goodluck dude, she thought and shook her head as he continued his escapade.

“Well,” Y/N clapped her hands together. “I kind of ate dinner on the way here but I do not want to watch that fall apart, so I’ll just tag along.” She shrugged, watching Luke slip his warm layers on in preparation for the damp alleyway.

“Can’t say no to that.” Alex shrugged and led the way, the rest of the group following after him. Y/N had easily slipped her fingers in between Luke’s and they walked hand in hand with the boys. She could feel his hand squeeze hers ever so gently, causing her heart to skip in her chest.

This boy… I swear. She thought, fighting back her smile and shaking her head.

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“Do you think I should tell him I spilt pickle juice on his cables?” Alex questioned quietly, looking Y/N in the eyes with silent guilt. She raised a hand to cover her mouth as she shook with laughter, the sound muffled by her hand thankfully.

She took a deep breath and glanced back at the man grilling.

“It’s kind of his fault for serving them out of the back of his car.” Y/N pointed out, shrugging at the small mess Alex made. It did not seem like a big deal really, it would dry.

He sighed and shook his head at you. This was not the first time Y/N had claimed someone got what they deserve and he usually was at the end of it, dealing with the little pranks the rest of the group pulled. Sure, they were also targeted against others, but Alex was always the favorite. This was simply because he tended to have the best reactions and it would make the prank all the better by the end.

That being said, even though she teased Alex, Y/N knew she could count on him for anything. She was nervous earlier in the kitchen, and hours later she still found herself feeling like something was off, something felt wrong. She was not one to say that she felt like something bad was going to happen, but she was anxious for sure. Y/N had just hoped this night would go smoothly, and follow the general plan she had created in her mind.

Perform.

Be Signed.

Party.

And lastly, become legends.

That’s what she had hoped for her boys.

“Uhm, Alex, ” She addressed him, walking beside him as they walked to the seating area. Luke and Reggie ahead of them and both laughing loudly about something the other said.

Alex stopped and looked down at her, being the one with the most height advantage in comparison to you. He could see this look in her eyes, one he knew he felt quite often. She was feeling anxious.

“Hey, tell me what’s going on.” He asked quietly, glancing back at the boys and seeing that they were still occupied. He knows how they sometimes miss signals, so he was glad to see that they were busy and are not likely to insert themselves into the conversation. It was clearly private from the way they had their backs to the boys.

“I’m not even performing... and I feel so nervous.” She confided, she was peering up at him, trying to keep her composure.

“Just a weird feeling in my stomach about something, I suppose.”

Alex used his free hand to reach out and rest on her shoulder, the weight of it being oddly comforting to her. She felt some tension leave her body as Alex, the boy who always seemed a bit anxious, reassured her with ease.

“It’s okay to be nervous you know,” He chuckled, catching her eyes and she noticed that they showed no signs of lying, and that is how it’s always been. He can trust Y/N, and Y/N trusts him, so he would tell her just about anything.

“We are so close to performing. You just want us to succeed. That can be nerve-wracking, especially since you support us more than anyone.” He smiled, pulling his hand off of her shoulder, but making sure to give a comforting squeeze before that.

Y/N always appreciated Alex’s listening, he always paid attention. He always made sure everyone was okay, and never misses a sign of distress.

“Now, come sit with us on this dirty couch while we eat these hot dogs, okay?” He nodded his head in the direction where the other two sat, the pair looking over at the two and waving them over. She knew he was right, because Alex was never generally wrong, but also because the instant she saw the other two boys she felt her chest ease up. It was like it felt easier to breathe.

Y/N smiled in agreement, nodding before walking with Alex to the seats. Y/N had sat between Luke and Alex, all four of them managing to fit onto the beaten down couch with some ease. Reggie leaned forward, looked around Luke and at Y/N happily, his hands cradling the hot tub in his hands.

“What were you guys chatting about?”

“Eh girl stuff, and since Alex is the only one with a sister, he is my only viable option.” Y/N shrugged, lying seamlessly. Alex smiled widely and nodded in agreement, managing to make it seem natural. He was never the best liar, even more so around the band since they all spend so much time together… they really get to know little things, like who is a bad liar.

At this moment, Alex didn’t see the point in lying but he also figured that there was no reason to expose the real conversation between him and Y/N so he just followed her lead.

“Okay, well now that that’s sorted.” Luke rolled his eyes playfully, Y/N bumping his side with her own at his remark. “We can really soak in the moments before we make it big.”

Y/N had sat on the musty old couch, watching Luke talk with this passion in his eyes. His hoodie was drawn over most of his soft, brown hair. She could not recall just how many times she had run her fingers through the dark locks, and would mostly do it to see Luke slowly fall asleep in a matter of minutes.

“This is awesome you guys.” Luke gnawed at his bottom lip, shaking his head in disbelief, but anyone could see the happiness he felt as he really absorbed the atmosphere and situation. The boys were also following along, hotdogs forgotten as they listened to the boy who never failed to shine, spoke with so much pride about them finally making it.

“We’re playing the Orpheum!” He beamed, Y/N’s breath had caught in her throat at just how purely happy and carefree he was, how they all were in that moment. “I can’t even count how many bands have played here, and ended up being huge.”

Luke took a second to really glance at all his friends that were present. With Y/N smushed into his side, he could feel her pressed against him and she was almost sure he could feel heartbeat skip when she just watched him look around. He then made eye contact with the two boys on either of his sides and Y/N did not miss the look he shared, the one of true brotherhood and love. He was glad that if he was going to be doing this, that it would be with them.

“We’re gonna be legends.” He breathed out, suddenly catching Y/N’s eyes as he smiled brightly down at her. He pressed a quick kiss to her lips, causing her to giggle quietly. She could feel the gentle pressure of his lips against hers still and she loved it.

“Ew.” Alex winced, looking at them, but was clearly only saying this to tease the two lovebirds.

“Shut up.” Y/N rolled her eyes and elbowed him in the ribs, she didn’t use very much force behind it so he could just lean away and Alex had then poked her in the rib for payback. She hated being tickled so she was glad it was only a single poke to the side.

“Hotdogs up boys.” Luke intercepted, all of the group remembering that they had been in the middle of something. “After tonight… everything changes.”

The three boys all held their hotdogs up, and Y/N had to lean back a little to not be in Alex’s arm path. They tapped their hot dogs together in toast before each one took a huge bite. Y/N had not missed the confusion in each of their eyes, the chews slowing down for each of them as they glanced at the hotdogs in their hands.

“Uhm,” Alex spoke through a full mouth, causing Y/N to grimace a little from the sight of it. “That’s a new flavor?”

“Oh chill man, street dog’s haven't killed us yet.” Reggie had countered, taking another small bite. She knew he could be a little clueless sometimes so she glanced over at Luke to gauge his reaction, and he seemed to have an uncomfortable look on his face. Y/N frowned a little when she noticed and grabbed his wrist that held the hotdog.

“Hey babe,” She spoke up softly. “You don’t have to keep eating that if it tastes weird. We can always grab a slice of pizza instead?”

Luke had sat there for a second, letting her hold his wrist for probably thirty seconds, before brushing it off as just a new type of meat being grilled. He smiled down at her and pulled her hand off, pressing a kiss to the back of it before letting go.

“Already got this guy right here,” He pointed out before taking another generous bite of it. Y/N snorted and shook her head before leaning her head on his shoulder. The boys all chatted between bites, and she would laugh at the jokes being made.

She distantly recalled her thoughts from earlier, and she was right, indeed.

It felt like she could live in this feeling forever.

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Only...

It didn't last forever.

She didn’t know what happened, or why it was so fast, but it happened. It didn’t wait for her to be ready, didn’t even let her realize the situation. It was so sudden when Luke leaned forward in pain, groaning as he let the last bit of hot dog drop from his hand. Y/N watched in confusion before he slid off the couch and onto the floor, hunched over on his knees. The other boys were just as confused as Y/N and quickly went to move to his side before they too felt an ache. Something they were not used to at all. It felt so different than anything they had experienced in their lives. She would have asked what was wrong with them, but Luke crying out in pain stole her attention, voice breaking.

“Y/N, it hurts.”

“Oh my god.” Y/N gasped before beginning to panic, thus catching the attention of the patrons around her. Multiple people had turned their attention to the group, some even moving closer to see what was going on. There were concerned looks when people noticed a young boy on the floor and two others slowly hunching over.

“Luke!?’ She exclaimed with worry, falling to her knees beside the boy as he panted deeply, arms clutching his gut. He was sweating like crazy and his skin had gone pale, his hair was sticking to his forehead as he squeezed his eyes shut in pain. She sucked in a shaky breath at his appearance, never seeing him without his tanned glow and warm skin. Yet, as she cupped his face and tried to get him to look at her, he felt somewhat cold, his body shivering a little underneath her touch.

“Hey baby, what’s wrong? Hey…” She pushed, begging him to speak to her. She could fix this, she could figure out something if he could just answer her.

He let his eyes flutter open to look at her, but he couldn’t speak as he took shallow breaths.

“Someone call 911!” Y/N shouted desperately, pulling her gaze away from him and looking at the people around them.

There were two people around Alex, who had collapsed when he tried to stand. They were helping him sit up and offered some water, but he was slowly starting to look just as bad as Luke was. He was able to talk but he had sounded nothing like he had moments ago.

“The…. food..” He breathed out heavily, pointing shakily at the discarded hotdogs along the floor.

“S-Something in them.” He whispered weakly, head lolling to the side onto someone’s side. It was frantic after that, people running to try and get rags, water, and some even had gone to flag down the two ambulances when they came. She distinctly remembered singling out the one person yelling that there were two coming. Since all three boys would not fit in one.

Y/N was crying, hyperventilating, as she tried to stay on top of this and stay strong for them. She glanced back at Reggie and he was crying, eyes closed as his lips moved but she couldn’t make out what he was saying. There were people just everywhere, and she wished she could be everywhere.

With each of her friends.

There wasn’t enough of her to be able to hold all three as they worsened with each moment.

“I-I… wan-..” Luke coughed, Y/N then leaned down and touched her head to his, feeling his hand weakly rest on her thigh.

“What is it baby?” She whispered, tears cascading down her rosy cheeks as she ran her thumbs across his cheeks. She did it so softly, as if she would hurt him more if she touched him the wrong way.

“I… wanna go.. h-home.” He managed, sniffling as his breathing slowed, and Y/N would be lying if she said she couldn’t begin to feel it. To see it.

The way his life was slowly going away, the breaths becoming shallower as he fought to stay with her. With his friends and family. She sobbed as he said that, nodding her head as she pressed a kiss to his forehead. Mind wandering to Emily, his mother, who she wanted more than anything for her to be here right now with her son. He was scared. He just wanted to go home, pretend this was a dream. So did she.

“We can do that, let’s do that.” Y/N choked out. “Let’s go home ok?”

“Okay.” He had barely nodded before collapsing, head thankfully being held up by her hands.

Her eyes widened in disbelief at this sudden movement. She then started to lower his head onto her lap, and quickly brushed some of the strands of wet hair out of his face before gently tapping his cheek.

No response.

“Luke?” Another tap.

There was no movement from Luke. He laid eerily still in her lap.

She had felt herself holding her breath. She waited for what felt like minutes before letting her hand slowly rest on his chest, directly above where his heart was.

She waited.

She waited for the familiar heart beat beneath her palm, but it never came.

His heart had stopped.

“No no no….NO!” She screamed, sobbing with quick breaths, wrapping her arms around his body and resting her head in his neck. Y/N would be damned if she let him go. She rocked him in her arms, not caring how heavy he was on her legs, she would take the pain if it meant he would just breathe.

“L-Luke, I love you so much, okay?” She whimpered out, before she had begun to sob again. “I-it’s... okay.”

This time, the sobs came out so harshly, that after two minutes a couple sets of gentle hands were pulling her arms off of him, and she would try to fight, but she couldn’t anymore. She had no strength left. She felt every part of her body screaming and crying along with her, her chest aching with a pain she would come to be familiar with. The kind women who helped Y/N up began to back her away from Luke, both gently consoling her to the best of their ability and asking her questions about their parents. She unlocked her phone, wordlessly handing it to one of them, not bothering to stop the stream of hot tears running down her cheeks. They stung her cheeks as they touched the irritated skin on her face.

But, she didn’t care how she looked... she could only feel.

And it was consuming her whole.

“Alex? Reggie?” She cried, eyes wandering over the three boys’ bodies as paramedics checked them. She was suffocating as she watched and her nose was dripping. Her eyes would be puffy for days after this but it didn't matter in the moment as she watched them finish checking the vitals and eyes.

“This one has a heartbeat,” One of them announced, calling more helpers over to load Reggie into the ambulance. She felt some relief, but there was no real way to tell how this would turn out.

Y/N glanced at the other who was with Alex, and saw that he was doing chest compressions, hoping to bring some life back into the boy she had known for years. The boy who was just telling her that it would be okay.

She watched as another paramedic immediately called for Luke’s death. Y/N let out a loud cry when the man had waved over a gurney for Luke’s body. She fought against the people holding her, attempting to run over and bring him back into her arms. She couldn’t leave him.

She wouldn’t.

“No stop, where are you taking him!” She protested with concern, breaking free and falling to her knees beside her boyfriend. She held his hand in hers, lips quivering when she noticed he couldn’t squeeze her hand anymore.

“We’re taking him to the hospital.” The paramedic spoke with sympathy, eyes taking in her appearance. She knew she looked like a complete mess but that meant nothing right now.

“You can ride in the ambulance, do you wanna come with him?” He gestured with a nod of his head towards Luke, who she couldn’t bear to fully look at right now. Not if she needed to think clearly.

“Or with the other two?” Y/N glanced over at Alex still hanging on in between but now placed on a gurney being moved towards the ambulance, with which Reggie was already loaded up inside.

They had a chance. Y/N knew she had to go, she couldn't leave her best friend alone. She had to be there for him. “We can come get you the minute you get there, if you want, and show you where he is.” The medic suggested quietly, seeing the wheels turning in Y/N’s mind. They were hoping to be some kind of voice in the midst of the fog of her mind right now, and she found herself hearing it.

“Okay.”

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Y/N glanced at the clock on her bedside table. She had a blurred recollection of the event, but it was still the worst night of her life. She knows no other event could top it. This was her trauma. Luke’s death had broken her, brought her down to her weakest and most grieved parts, but the ride in that ambulance was almost worse. If not tied.

They were six blocks away from the hospital when they stopped trying to resuscitate Alex.

If it weren’t for Reggie’s hand in hers, his pulse thudding weakly, she would have completely shut off. Y/N remembered how it felt like a complete joke, for one second, she thought this was some huge joke.

Then she remembered.

Luke.

His body, his… heart not beating.

No breaths.

No charming smile.

Just nothing left.

He was gone and she would never feel him, see him, or hear him again. Oh, how she wished she could hear him singing softly to her in bed, holding her close and brushing his fingertips across her arms. He would tell her these wild adventures that the boys went on together. All of them deserving the best and loving each other so much.

They were approximately one block away from the hospital when Reggie flatlined.

Y/N sat in the ambulance at the hospital, frozen in the seat with tears in her eyes. She stayed until it was empty, the medic bringing her mom and dad inside the vehicle to help her out. They were carefully helping her up and out and guiding her, both having an arm, to the car. The boys had been taken inside, stripped of belongings, and waiting for their parents to be collected at their homes and brought in to see them or identify them. She doesn’t really know what happened after she left, and she was glad she didn’t.

Y/N doesn’t remember much from that night.

Just the main portions that took place, but never the specific details. She has tried to shut that night out, maybe only focus on the last good memories spent with each one of them. It was hard, she just couldn’t forget that night.

She had tried.

She went to therapy, homeschooled for a little, and tried to date but she couldn’t. She tried to live and move on, but you can never truly move on, is what she found.

They were her family. She loved them ... so much.

Luke was scared, and was gone so fast.

Alex had tried his best for as long as he could.

Reggie was so close to being saved.

And Y/N ... she considered herself a ghost, just like them, because that's how she felt everyday after.

#jatp #julie and the phantoms #luke patterson #julliemolina #reggie jatp #alex jatp #hotdog #jatp x reader #luke x reader #death scene #im sorry about this #lemmecryrealquick #why did i write this #thishurtsmyheart

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realisticallystan · 4 years

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Anime Recommendations!

Hi everyone, I hope y’all are safe and happy! With quarantine still in place (at least in my country), I’m gonna keep the random rec lists coming! I’ve been watching a lotttt of animes and rewatching favourites, so I thought I’d share some of my favourites of all time! A lot of them are pretty mainstream, but for my friends who aren’t really into anime, these will get you hooked! In no particular order, let’s get started!

1. Snow White with the Red Hair, 24 episodes

This is hands down my favourite anime of all time. This shoujo anime make me feel so happy and it’s so wholesome, honestly such a feel good anime. Without spoiling too much, it’s about a herbalist named Shirayuki who ends up having to flee her home country and ends up meeting Prince Zen and goes to live in his country. The cast of characters in the anime is so good, there’s not a character to dislike. The genuine build up of friendship and eventual romance is just so sweet please watch.

2. Demon slayer (26 episodes)

One of the best anime I’ve watched this past year. This anime has amazing plot, awesome animation and a great cast of characters. This anime follows Tanjiro as he becomes a demon slayer after a demon killed his family. Tanjiro and his sister, Nezuko were the only survivors but Nezuko was turned in a demon and now Tanjiro is on a journey to change he back into a human. If you are into anime with amazing fight scenes, I highly recommend.

3. Hunter x Hunter (148 episodes)

I am currently watching this anime and it honestly made it onto my lists of favourite anime super quickly. The series starts with Gon and his quest to become a pro hunter and find his dad and goes on from there. With so many episodes and arcs, you can’t stop watching. The characters immediately hooked me on this show, Killua and Gon’s friendship is one of the sweetest things I’ve ever seen in anime, I literally want to adopt both of them. This anime is so heartwarming but also kinda dark and action packed.

4. Haikyuu!! (73 episodes, on-going)

My favourite sports anime my god. Haikyuu follows a high school volleyball team as they try to make it to nationals. This series made me so much more emotional than I thought it would, but you get so involved with the team and characters and want them to succeed. All of the characters from all of the teams are also fantastic and hilarious. If you need a fun but exciting anime, please please please watch Haikyuu!!

5. Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood (64 episodes)

Where to even begin. I would say this is one of the most popular anime and for good freaking reason. Without giving too much away, this anime follows brothers Edward and Alphonse Elric as they go on a quest to get their bodies back. Honestly this is one of my fav animes, if you like awesome fight scenes and really intriguing plot, you will love this anime.

6. Yona of the Dawn (24 episodes)

Another amazing anime but sadly, unfinished. I think this anime is best to watch w/o knowing very much. Just know that there is really good characters and character development and a very attractive love interest :))))

7. Soul eater (51 episodes)

One of the first animes I ever watched and as I remember it’s hella awesome, if you like halloween then the whole atmosphere of this anime will intrigue you. The fight scenes in this are really fun and so are the characters. If you need a fun medium length anime, I would recommend this one!

8. Inuyasha (193 episodes)

This anime is worth all the hype in my opinion. The plot was great, the characters are fantastic and romance is so freaking cute I can’t. I’m also a sucker for asshole characters who are secretly really sweet.

9. Fruits Basket (2019) (25 episodes (S1), S2 on-going)

This is the cutest anime. The whole cast characters is amazing and you get so attached so fast. The protagonist is so sweet and optimistic and I really just wanna protect her. I went into this knowing next nothing and I think that’s the best way to do it. The 2001 version is good too but 2019 has better animation and is closer to managa (and has more episodes!).

10. My Hero Academia (88 episodes, on-going)

I love this anime with my whole heart. There is an adorable cast of characters and amazing fight scenes, I love this sm. It’s set in a world where like 95% of the population has ‘quirks’ which are basically super powers but not all of them are super powerful. Super heroes protect cities and the anime follows a high school where the students are training to become heroes. The main character is born without a quirk but through some crazy circumstances he ends up acquiring one. In my opinion this anime is worth the hype.

11. Ouran Highschool Host Club (26 episodes)

This one is wild. Ouran Highschool Host club is so iconic and it’s hilarious, I laughed out loud watching this one so much. Honestly I went into this knowing nothing and I think its funnier that way.

12. Yuri!!! On Ice (13 episodes)

THIS ANIME. The first sports anime w/ canon LGBTQ+ romance and its beautiful. I love the style, the skating, the music, the characters, just everything about it. This follows Yuri Katsuki, a professional figure skater from Japan and his skating career. After messing up a major championship, Yuri is lost and doesn’t know what to do w/ his career. After seeing a video of Yuri skate, his idol Victor, a skating legend, shows up to be his coach. Please watch this anime.

13. Attack on Titan (62 episodes, on-going)

If you are looking for a badass action anime this is the one for you. Humanity has fallen to the mercy of giant man-eating titans, and the people that survived live within a walled city to keep the titans out. This anime is a little disturbing and violent but it is so badass. Also Levi, the most badass character ever, makes this entire anime worth watching.

14. Ao Haru Ride (12 episodes)

Hands down my favourite romance anime. This anime is so freaking cute and it gave me so many fuzzy feelings. The animation is also super nice so that is always a plus. It follows Futaba and Kou who liked each other in middle school but were separated. They meet again in high school but they have both changed so much. If you want a romance anime I really recommend this one.

15. Naruto (720 episodes)

This is a freaking classic and really long. Almost everyone and their mother has heard of this anime or watched some of it before. Basically it’s about ninjas and follows mainly Naruto Uzumaki who want to eventually be the leader of his village but his ninja skills need a lot of work. I honestly didn’t think I would love this anime as much as I did but its just so good. It is a very big commitment to finish though so be prepared.

16. Your Lie in April (22 episodes)

Well this anime is literally beautiful. It is centered around 2 teens w/ major musical talent. It gets deep very fast but its also light hearted and wholesome. This anime made me cry like a baby so get your tissues ready.

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