readyforarebellion-blog

[readyforarebellion-blog]

Dying is scary isn’t it?

Hi, there. I don’t really know how to start this off. Um, well I don’t really want to say my real name, but I guess you have to call me something right? Uh, let’s go with...Alec. Sure I’ve always liked that name. So, Alec here. This is going to sound odd and completely insane to some of you, but I’m an immortal that has been here for hundreds of thousands of years. I’ve been watching you humans as well with other immortals. We’re not all the same and don’t look human, like so much supernatural has presented us as. They are right in the sense that we can look human, but the thing they got wrong was even if we look human there is something, uh, unsettling about our presence. Anyways, we’ve seen how you all have progressed from throwing stones at one another to being able to go to space. I have to admit, you’ve come pretty far, but there is still a way for you to go before you can reach your full potential. I was just wanting to address one problem that’s a little personal for me if I’m being honest. It’s about… well I guess I should warn some people this might be triggering to you so if you don’t want to continue that’s fine. But anyways for those of you, if you stayed, it’s about death and...dying I guess. Now I am NOT saying killing yourself is a good thing, but as an immortal I’ve always thought about what it would be like to know you could die, even at your own hand. I mean that’s what gives life meaning, no? You only have so much time to be able to live and do what you want. To be able to make your mark on the world, but also to be able to in a way resign forever. If you believe in reincarnation, maybe even start over and make or do something even better than you did in your previous life. You have to live life to its fullest, so that when it is time to go, you know you didn’t waste your time. I know it can be scary because you don’t know what’s on the other side, but not knowing is part of the journey. You can make up all the theory’s you want, but I don’t think anyone will truly know what it's like to be dead and not be able to come back. To be gone. Forever. Although maybe not forever. If you lived your life right, then there will always be someone who holds the memory of you close to their heart. Even if it’s just one person. Maybe that’s all you need. Just one person to have been there. Sure maybe you could have made thousands of other friends, but you shouldn’t regret all the friendships you never had, be thankful that you have the ones you do. And if you don’t, well then (and this is just my opinion) you should go out there into the world and try to meet at least one person. I know it can be scary, make you uncomfortable, induce a panic attack maybe, I know that can happen for me. I’ve found that there are moments that only last for a couple minutes or less. While I have confidence in myself I do try to talk to other people. You might be afraid to be hurt, so you guard yourself from everyone. Or maybe you have been hurt again and again and think you don’t need anyone. Maybe you think needing people makes you weak. I don’t think it does. It means you’re brave enough to be able to trust or rely on people. You’re brave enough to know you might get hurt but you try to connect with people anyways. Now I don’t think you need to make yourself completely vulnerable to others. You just need to open up a little bit of yourself to just one person. One person to care about you. If you do have a lot of friends, ones that you can actually count on, that aren’t toxic or hurt you in any, well congratulations. You are already farther than most people can get in their life. You should probably treasure them because one day they won’t be here. You see, the thing about being immortal is that, yes I basically have an infinite amount of time to make friends, although most of the time I choose not to because I know they won’t be there forever. I make the most of the time I have with them. It’s never enough though. I can’t grow old with any of them. They either die too soon or they end up living a long happy life. I remember one of my old friends. I remember them playing games with the other kids, having parties, their sweet sixteen, getting their driver's license, prom, graduating, meeting someone they love, getting married, buying their own house, having kids, taking said kids to school, seeing them grow up. Then the kids eventually graduate and move out. And then it’s just them and their significant other. They  were able to retire and move to a place that they both grew old in. The years go on and then their lover dies. When it was just them sitting alone in the house and I knew their time was short, I decided to stop by and say goodbye to them. They were sitting on a rocking chair on a porch, looking out at the sunset. I walked up, looking the same I had when I first met them all those years ago. They smile and look at me, surprisingly unfazed. I sit down beside them on the porch and we watch as the sun disappears behind the horizon, not saying anything. Just enjoying the silence. Hearing the crickets come out and start their chirping. They turn to look at me one last time, their hair gray, skin wrinkled, body tired. They smile at me. “One more adventure to go on.” Then they turn back and lean their head back and close their eyes. And I see them stop breathing. I know their death will sadden the family. But...I know that they were happy with their life. That they were able to die in peace. And I know I could never experience that calm right before death. It hurts, sometimes. Knowing I won’t ever know the bliss of those fleeting moments when everything feels okay. Death can be painful for some. I’ve lost countless of my friends to horrible ends. I couldn’t save them. I know their memory lives on in me though. I keep their spirit alive and in return they help me feel whole. That I’ve actually accomplished something in all the time I’ve been here. Death can be scary. I’ve seen it in the eyes of those who knew they were too young to die. They had so much to offer the world. It was unfair. They couldn’t find peace and as their life left their eyes, laying in my arms. I knew the only thing I could do was to make sure they didn’t die in vain. Life can be cruel just as much as it can be beautiful. I’ve seen it happen a thousand times over and then some. I’ve lost plenty of people. I don’t want to lose anyone else. But I know that’s what must be done if I want to experience what it’s like to love. To be loved. You know, it’s scary. To even think to have to open myself up like that to someone else. To someone I know will grow old without me. To someone who I would do anything for. To someone who...I know I would die for. You humans, you get to die and you get to join them. Maybe you’ve been waiting to join them for some time. When everyone you know is dead, don’t you think it’s time to join them? To see them all again in another lifetime, maybe? I know nobody actually knows what will happen, but that’s what I like to think. To not live forever, but to be able to start over in a way. I’ve always liked to imagine that there’s something calming about feeling the endless void wash over you because once you’ve gone on every adventure and done everything there is to do, the only adventure left to take is seeing what lies on the other side of death. Even if you leave the world before you should have, I also like to imagine that there’s a place where those who died unhappy are able to fulfil their soul in some way. Or maybe they will be reborn and accomplish great things. I guess what I’m trying to say is you should just live your life and not worry about dying because it will happen, but if you let the fear of it consume your every thought you will never be able to truly live. And yeah, you will die unhappy. I’m about 90% sure nobody wants that though. So go live your life. I’m not going to tell you dying isn’t scary. It is. But that shouldn’t stop you from living. In my eyes dying is a privilege of being human. Uh, slight trigger warning. I have tried to purposefully die because I’m tired of living. I’m ready to die. I’m ready to explore what’s on the other side. I’m ready to (maybe) see all my friends again or just start over. I want to finally be at peace just like everyone else gets to be. I can’t because I’m immortal. Some of you are probably thinking, “Well even immortals can die. It’s just hard.” Well if you’ve found a way I would love to hear it.

-Alec