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Stop normalizing the grind and start normalizing whatever this is

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Most of my friends are people who I’ve managed to get to know first over a text-based medium before ever meeting me in person. This is because in many ways I am utterly intolerable in a good mood and cannot stop myself from saying weird and alarming things, and having any kind of affection for me requires seeing evidence that I’m not a vacuous evil clown.

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Sword and sorcery tabletop RPG setting which includes absolutely no fictional monsters, but all of the animals work the way Pliny the Elder thinks they do.

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Hey, you can be as hypocritical as you want to if you refuse to acknowledge your hypocrisy and tirelessly compartmentalise. Taylor already taught us this

And to post about my other current web serial

Okay, Cat, please, you have to pick one. Being filled with blinding hate for the woman who killed your foster-aunt and took a trophy from her body, while being entirely unconcerned about the several different types of cannibals, mass-murderers and walking crimes-against-humanity in your company is fine. Denouncing the heroes as a bunch of self-righteous prigs who only care about morality when it benefits them is also fine. But doing both in the same breath is just a bit much. 

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I want an extra scene at the end of Life of Brian when the people who were away from Jerusalem that week return home and try to figure out what in the world everyone is jabbering about.

“the messiah! the messiah has come at last!”

“what, really?”

“yes! he has entered Jerusalem in triumph as the throngs cheered his arrival, waving palm leaves and blowing trumpets!”

“my goodness, that sounds like quite a sight! what’s he doing now?”

“uh, he’s dead.”

“what?”

“he’s dead, the Romans crucified him last Friday.”

“you’re telling me that the messiah, the one foretold in the prophecies, our future king, the one who will bring peace and unity to the world, the saviour of mankind, he whose arrival will end the scourge of sickness and death and destroy all evil, that messiah, entered this very city while I was away on business, and the bloody Romans crucified him last Friday.”

“yes, sad isn’t it.”

“sad??”

“yes, at least he said he’d be back though.”

“what?”

“he said just hang about and he’ll be back in a jiffy.”

“but you said he’s dead–”

“he got better.”

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I must say, I love this!

Deity: The Keeper of Masquerades

(Art by @celenewashere​!)

Lawful Evil Archfey of Clocks, Fear, and Surveillance

Domains: Darkness, Evil, Knowledge, Law Subdomains: Shadow, Fear, Espionage, Tyranny

A mire of mystery surrounds the entity known as the Keeper of Masquerades, a fog so thick that anyone attempting to learn about him can expect to be turned around and lost before they even finish following the first thread. Hundreds have sunk permanently into that mire, never to be seen again. Perhaps they found answers, but more likely than not they found nothing but their own ends. The Keeper seems very keen on keeping any and all information about himself hidden from everyone and everything. His name, if he has one, is unknown. His true form, if he has one, is unknown, the most anyone ever sees of him being the shadow-shrouded mannequin bodies he inhabits now and again. His past? He certainly has one, and it is the first verifiable fact of his existence; he was once member of Count Ranalc’s inner circle, a dutiful butler and notekeeper for the shadowy Eldest. Ever since the Count’s disappearance, the Keeper has apparently begun attending to the affairs of the land Ranalc left behind.

Despite his status as an Archfey, he has at times sat in on meetings among the Eldest–an honor that must normally be granted by one of the demigod Fey themselves, yet the Keeper does not seem to require permission–though he has no true say in their matters and holds very little sway over their actions. He is merely there to record and offer polite advice when asked, ostensibly assuring that the distant Count is kept up-to-date on all matters the Eldest still discuss and all goings-ons in the First World. He is subservient and obedient, and willingly offers his services to the Eldest, despite their role in removing Ranalc from power.

For those below the Eldest of the First World, however, the Keeper is an entity to be avoided at any cost. An enforcer of a terribly rigid and inflexible order; the second verifiable fact of his existence is that there is nothing he despises more than needless chaos.

Keep reading

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Spiritual Spotlight: Count Ranalc

Chaotic Neutral Eldest of Betrayal, Exiles, and Shadows

Domains: Chaos, Darkness, Nobility, Travel Subdomains: Exploration, Loss, Martyr, Night

The First World: Realm of the Fae, pg. 18~19

Obedience: Find or create an area of shadow. While sitting within it, whisper the name of someone you intend to betray or who has betrayed you, and what you wish to do to them. Benefit: You gain a +4 sacred bonus to AC against attacks whenever you are denied your Dexterity bonus (such as in a surprise round or when paralyzed).

Another Obedience that’s somewhat open-ended and simple to perform, though it’s relatively more difficult than the Lost Prince’s or the Lantern King because it has a very specific environmental requirement: shadows. Not especially difficult to find create, no, especially since it very generously specifies that it’s just an area of shadow rather than an area of darkness. You can technically just brood in the shade of a tree if you need to! This also makes it rather easy to hide who you worship, if you need to. The world of tabletop RPGs is packed to the gills with brooding loners, so very few people will bat an eye at a character sulking in a darkened tavern corner, muttering to themselves about crimes of the past and future.

Helpfully, Ranalc is god not only of the betrayed, but of betrayers as well. Whether you play an adventurer wronged by someone in your past, or a ne’er-do-well who will wrong someone in the future, the Count has your back so long as you can regale him with tales of everything you plan to do to your target. There is no “must be different every time” clause, either, so presumably you can complain about the same person over and over again. Brooding on whatever revenge fantasies you may be stewing isn’t a healthy way to cope with your emotions, but Count Ranalc isn’t here to help you find healthy ways to achieve peace, he’s here to hear the painful details of your plot. He’ll never get tired of hearing it so long as you never get tired of telling it.

The benefit is also amazing, granting you a generous +4 to your AC at the moment you need it the most–when caught by surprise or attacked by an unseen enemy, the shadows climbing to your defense to deflect incoming attacks you were barely aware of. Note that this ability functions for all characters equally, even if your character doesn’t have a Dex bonus to lose (either because they’re simply not dexterous or they’re wearing armor too heavy to allow the bonus), and still stacks with any other armor they already have.

Keep reading

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*Cue five minutes of intense staring*

Because writing this gets it out of my head

:clears throat:

:stereotypical tournament announcer voice:

Goood Evening Capes, Agents, and everyone in between! Welcome to the gold medal finale of the Fate Of Humanity Precog Cage Match! You’ll notice we’ve done some renovations to let both contestants fit inside, so lets go ahead and introduce them.

On my left, the hometown hero you all know and love! She’s got a soprano you won’t believe and wings for daaays! If she wins, humanity will live forever between worlds and among the stars, captive audience and playthings of an inter0dimensional, hyper-intelligent psychological warfare system! Coming in 15’4”, I give the Choir of Madness, the Queen of the Monsters, The Siiimmmmuuuuurgh!

And on my right, she’s stayed out of the spotlight until now but if you’ve met her she knows how to make an impression! She’s got three wolf-heads and more eyes than you can blink at! If she wins, humanity will be swiftly and cleanly exterminated, the consciousnesses of favoured hosts brought along as guidance and archived information to being the Cycle anew! Coming in at 20 stories, I give you the Hound of Revelation, The Last Eye of God, Foooorrrtuna!

If everyone’s ready? 3! 2! 1! FIGHT!

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I kind of aborted this project, but I did finish pact. It was a great read and I thoroughly enjoyed the world building. Kind of feel bad for johannes, but it all makes sense. Evan was great, and the epilogue was a great moment of warmth in an otherwise very grim journey. Sorry if I disappointed anyone but aborting the liveblog, but I felt it was just making it harder for me to rely enjoy the story.

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1.1 Session 5 Outro

Anyway, I’m tired so I’ll stop there for today

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1.1 Session 5 Part 11

Paige frowned.

Yeah, I’m as confused as you are

“Paige?”  the man in scrubs asked.  Peter was standing next to him.  Blond, like Paige, the same height and build, even the same general shape to his face.  But when Uncle Paul and Aunt Steph had split up, each one had taken one of the twins.  Peter was rougher-edged, at a glance, somehow older, and very much like Ellie, who had joined him in going to their mom, in how uncomfortable he looked in more formal clothes.

Bit sad that the twins were split up. Although I don’t what their relationship was like, so who knows?

But yeah, I feel he’ll be quite different from Paige.

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1.1 Session 5 Part 10

Paige forced a smile to her face.  “I’m a little terrified.  Here goes.  Wish me luck.”

Good luck, Paige!

“Paige,” Molly said.

Paige hesitated.

“Don’t.  I can’t explain it.  It would sound dumb if I did, but don’t take the offer.”

I don’t exactly understand that sentence. Does she not want to wish Paige luck? But then the transition into another topic seems a bit abrupt. Anyway,

O M I N O U S

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1.1 Session 5 Part 9

Paige’s eyebrows went up.

“Lumped in with the twin,” I noted.

I don’t know where I got the idea from, exactly, but I feel like Peter’s kind of a dick? I may be completely off base/ misremembering, but I have that impression.

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1.1 Session 5 Part 8

Ellie, making her exit.

“Paige and Peter,” the man in scrubs said.

o m i n o u s

Also, two people this time? Although I don’t know how it was before, but I think Ellie came out alone?

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1.1 Session 5 Part 7

The murmur of conversation further down the hallway dwindled.  Silence, and the sound of footsteps.

ominous

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1.1 Session 5 Part 6

“I love arguing semantics,” Paige said, smiling mischievously.  “Don’t get me started.”

Exactly! Semantics are fun. 

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1.1 Session 5 Part 5

“The duel where one of our ancestors murdered someone?”  Molly asked.

“Killed,” Paige said.  “I don’t think it counts as murder if it’s during a duel.”

“Semantics,” Molly said.

I agree with Paige on this one, it isn’t murder if it’s legal. Doesn’t mean it’s right, but it’s still not murder.