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My horrible turkish literature teacher

So I have this literature teacher. Her name is Melek that means Angel in engilish. And she is not a nice woman. I constantly think about stabbing her tigh during classes. I hate her.

So my school has this "sibling school" in Bosna. And Melek made us write letters for them. Usually I would love that. I really want to talk people abroad. You know different cultures and all that. But here is the twist. She made us write letters to encourage them to learn turkish. As a turk I can say turkish is one of the worst languages you can learn. First of all: it is really hard to learn. Second: it's not going to be useful in any part of your life! I am a turk and even I would rather know any other language than turkish. Third: turkish is a remix of a lots of other languages more than thirty five like Arabic and Latin. So learn Arabic instead of turkish. Or franch. And last one: no offens to any other turks but turkish culture is like little kids. Only people who loves it either people who has it or old ladies. As you might see from turkish series.

So that day I decide to have international friends on internet.

If you have any questions about turks please don't be shy. Peace✌️

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anime idea:

reverse isekai! A elf from a magical world dies when a dragon kills her and reborn as 32 year old office worker. Now she has to learn how to do taxes and walk in heels. She gets in trouble for trying to solve problems with her fists. Her next door neighbor might be a isekai nerd so now she has to hide she's from a different world! The main goal is to get back to her own world. But also she gets friends, goes to karaoke, maybe have a romantic side story?

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how did I realise I wasn't a lesbian

before anything this is my personal thought. It might have only happened to be so don't think what I have lived might happened to you too.

Okay so in middle school I had a girlfriend. We dated like 2 years. We were going to a religious school in Türkiye istanbul. We even kissed a few times. Anyways we grew older and break up, went to different schools and we don't talk anymore. But I was still in a personality crisis because I didn't know I was a lesbian or not. Yes I look at girls and think they are the most beautiful things I have ever saw but also my straight friends. I never liked a boy before so I didn't even know I could I like a boy. They all seemed shallow assholes. This was kinda why I went to religios schools. At eighth grade I was going to a "dershane". It is simply an extra school you pay to go to study after school. I know it sucks but I had to get ready for high school exams.

So I was the only girl in my dershane at my age. There was 6 boys except for me in there. I hated them all. Then I stated more and more think I might be a lesbian because I couldn't get myself to even like a boy. I tried multiple times. For example there was a kid named Ali. He was a redneck football fan. I hated him because he chewed on my pencil on the first day and then broke it. One day I learned his dad died when his mom is pregnant and I felt so bad for him. I was ready for a fresh page. Then he mocked me for "being a feminist" and "philosophizing".

Sorry I got a little of topic there. What I wanted to say is in my country boys aren't that great. They are selfish and ugly. Like really ugly. I don't mean how their faces or bodies look like. I mean their souls and ideas are so ugly that it affects their faces. You know how people say that girls loose feeling over a haircut? Well let me show you what %80 of boys hair looks like in Türkiye.

And for some reason this people has the hottest girls?? I am not joking. This guy's are walking hands in hands with literally goddesses.

They also do this eyebrow thing. Because it makes them look badass or something. When you look into this boys faces you can see they are going to beat those girls one day.

So I spend like 2 or 3 years thinking I was liking girls. Then I went to bosna and the thing that changed me happened. In the flor we were staying there was also a group of swimmers. And when I was casually leaving my room I saw those guys walking in a group passing. They were probably going to the pool of the hotel because they were shirtless. We can say it was my straight revelation. I was like:

so moral of the story: maybe conversion therapy cant make you straight but 1.80 cm, blonde, blue eyed bosnian boys can. Respect to my lgbt people. Peace ✌️

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last week

So a few weeks ago I came back from Bosna. It was a 4 days long school trip and I had the time of my life. During the trip something weird happened and my dad raise my 50 euro limit to spend on stuff to 150. I didnt read too much inti it because my dad has always been a unstable man. Classic black sea men.

After I came back at 6 of April my dad was a little kinder than usual. Again I didn't think much about it. And my brother (30) wasn't home. My mom told me he went to Izmir to visit my other brother (29). That was odd. He usually doesn't go out much. He doesn't have a job and spends his days in home playing age of empires. We told him to go to izmir to look for job before but he refuse. So I was suprised he suddenly decided to do that.

Well it turns out my dad kicked out my brother from home. And he was being extra nice to me because he lost another child again. Oh right he kicked my other brother out before. That's why he is in izmir rn.

Honestly I am pretty sick of my dad kicking my siblings out of home. My mom is pretty depressed rn and only the thought of being home gives me anxiety. I stay at dorm of my high-school but I come home on weekends so I have to be in this torture. I dont feel like doing anything for a few days. My mom keeps smoking in my room and because of that I can't get in. I guess I will keep writing blogs because it makes me feel productive. I will write again when my parents divorce. Peace ✌️

not: also here is a photo of ceiling of a mosque in bosna. I took it before they asked me to leave because I wasn't wearing a hijab

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I am trying to design stickers. Here is one

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second part of my diary like blog

I think I first started hiding things from my family in 7th grade. I was a teenager and my family was pretty conservative. My friends at the time mostly talked about anime and drawing.

I think my life changed towards becoming a radical teenager when I started reading yaoi (lol). Before that, I was a violent homophobe. I was reading yaoi like crazy. Now when I look back, I think the reason is this: I was too scared to read hentai. I don't know why at the time, but I thought that two boys kissing each other was more acceptable than a boy and a girl kissing. Of course, I think I read it because I was 12 or so at the time, I think it was because I was curious. I didn't even have my periods cycles yet. I still don't dare to read, watch, or be exposed to Yuri. I'll be honest about the reason: I'm afraid I'll like it

I started to like my classmate Ada (who I will use a nickname for now) in the 7th grade. Of course I was scared and started to avoid her at every corner even though she was my best friend. Then one day she came to me and asked me "did I do something wrong?" I opened up to her. With a sentence that I still find very romantic today, "I love you more than I should"

Not: I am turkish and original of the last sentence is "seni haddimden çok seviyorum" but the word "had" doesn't translate to engilish. But I will try. It means: something you don't deserve/ allowed to.

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who am I?

First of all, I don't write this blog for anyone to read. Let's say I write for myself, but at the end of the day, I want to tell people outside of my general circle what I think.

I'm Ra-ku. I was born in 2009. I am turkish and I live in Istanbul. As I write this article, I go to second class in high school on April 9, 2025. My interests: reading books, crochet, drawing, writing stories (I am doing my best), making fun of people who spell turkish words wrong. I have 2 older brothers and a sister. This is also one of the reasons why I do this blog. Even if I didn't have parents, there's always someone above me who criticizes me. I guess I won't be able to get rid of this unless I move to Canada. I'm currently studying at an imam-hatip (religious school for Muslims) high school with a 9% percentile. I'm a deist, but I didn't want to leave the safe environment I've been in since middle school so I go to a religious (Islam) high school. I'm currently in a group of 8 friends. Only a few people know I'm a deist and they don't really care. My teachers and I get along as long as the topic isn't religion. I would rather study in an Imam Hatip school until the end of my life than study with men. I would love to answer your questions if you have any. Peace