ravenofspades

[ravenofspades]

she brew on my something til i malicious. send post

[ravenofspades]

i once again return with a HORUS Terminal COMP/CON theme chat message review; whoever came up with the "A Manticore, a Balor and a Lich walk into a bar. All order a beer, but the Lich orders two. The barkeeper asks "Why two?" The Lich says "I'm gonna walk through this door in a few seconds and I'll really need a drink by then."" joke, you are a fucking genius that shit is also hilarious

mad props to whoever added "LMAO" in brainfuck to the list of 2 billion random messages that can show up on the HORUS Terminal theme for COMP/CON, that shit's hilarious

[ravenofspades]

in the catacooms, straight 'bricked up", and by bricked up, well, haha lets just say,,. Montresor My Dear Friend Where Are You Help Me-

[ravenofspades]

Detroit: Become Michigan. is this anything?

[ravenofspades]

i feel like you should be able to en passant jinx someone (i.e. if you say the exact same thing just after someone else says it, you can still get 'em)

[ravenofspades]

just thought of another game that is wholly impractical to make rn: vr martial arts game, but the gimmick is that there's full body tracking. and it's also sci-fi or fantasy. or both, probably both if i were to make it. wanna deck someone in the face? well you gotta do the motion yourself, and hope an irl wall isn't in the way. wanna cast a legally distinct hadouken? again, do the motions, like rumble vr.

naturally the market for this would be kinda rich martial artists who are also into tech, aka mostly furries.

actually now that i think about it i might actually be onto something here. maybe in like 5-10 years from now this'll get made and i can start a long and doomed-to-fail court case about getting royalty checks.

[ravenofspades]

just gonna, add to this super quickly because not everyone reads the tags: your GM might not like this. my group (and the for some reason like 8 GMs i've had who missed the rule) choose to ignore the rule on page 106 for this exact build only, for the one and only reason of "it's funny"

said rule, btw, is "...it always means a direction in which an object or character could normally move, unless specified. An object or character couldn’t be moved straight up or down in the air with one of these effects, for example, unless that character or object can normally fly."

i believe the time has come to reveal my greatest secret: quite possibly the single stupidest lancer build i ever did come up with. it has known quite a few names, but i shall simply refer to it as The Orbital Suplex Build.

-- SSC Atlas @ LL8 -- [ LICENSES ] IPS-N Blackbeard 3, IPS-N Caliban 1, SSC Atlas 3, HA Sherman 1 [ CORE BONUSES ] Titanomachy Mesh, Full Subjectivity Sync [ TALENTS ] Duelist 3, Juggernaut 2, Brutal 2, Technophile 2, Iconoclast 1, Combined Arms 1 [ STATS ] HULL:0 AGI:4 SYS:6 ENGI:0 STRUCTURE:4 HP:10 ARMOR:0 STRESS:4 HEATCAP:4 REPAIR:2 TECH ATK:+4 LIMITED:+0 SPD:8 EVA:18 EDEF:12 SENSE:3 SAVE:14 [ WEAPONS ] FLEX MOUNT: Kraul Rifle MAIN MOUNT: Terashima Blade (Supermassive Mod) [ SYSTEMS ] Synthetic Muscle Netting, Jäger Kunst I, Jäger Kunst II x3, Reinforced Cabling

now this did require an above average amount of the demon known as math (i had to do some addition). moreover, it's not exactly, how should I say, good, useful, or, y'know, viable at this level. but. if you really, really, really just wanna send people into fucking orbit, then here you go, this is the single funniest way you can do that. technically the only talents you really need are Juggernaut 2 and Duelist 3, but the others are either because this is an actual character i played, or for fun. Brutal 2, for example, deals 1 extra knockback if you crit.

also Jäger Kunst I & II are there for the funny. you could theoretically use the Ramjet from Nelson 3 on this build but it's already stupid enough as is.

the point of this build, and why we needed to use the Atlas, is yeet the enemy into the air so high they take maximum fall damage, that being 9 AP kinetic for 9 hexes in the air. how do we achieve this lofty goal?

boost, run into the space of some enemy mech, and then, because knockback goes away from you, and because you're an Atlas pilot so you can just cockroach your way directly under a larger mech, you smack the enemy directly in their mechanized crotch so fucking hard that it sends them 60 feet straight up in the air (2 knockback from Wind Stance on the Terashima Blade, plus 2 knockback from the tuned Supermassive Mod, plus 1 knockback from Titanomachy Mesh, and if you crit that's 1 knockback from Brutal 2). you then use Blademaster 3 to immediately ram them as a free action (and Reinforced Cabling coupled with some typical Atlas bullshit to actually move upr to them). because we boosted earlier, Juggernaut 2 procs, so this ram knocks our opponent 40 additional feet into the air (1 knockback from the ram, 1 knockback from Titanomachy Mesh, and 2 from Juggernaut 2). additionally, you can then ram again as another free action due to Titanomachy Mesh for 20 more feet. but you could instead grapple.

because we took Synthetic Muscle Netting this is something we can just straight up do on any mech, no matter the size, ignore the fact that i have ZERO hull on this mech this is totally gonna work (just swap some agility for hull if you're struggling). now assuming you win the contested grapple check because no way in hell did you just throw something size 1/2, the enemy must now move with you. because you have Reinforced Cabling, you can just pull yourself back down to the ground, and you therefore take no damage. the enemy cannot do this but moves with you nonetheless, and impacts the ground at mach Fuck You, taking 9 AP kinetic damage, and because you rammed them earlier, hey, they're prone. so you overcharge and hit them again, and because they're prone, yippee, more damage.

all that work for two sword hits and 9 AP kinetic damage means you're dealing an average of, like, 19 kinetic damage a turn. not great. but, extremely fucking funny. you can also just chose to leave the enemy in the air for your friends to take potshots at from behind cover, or just hit someone really, really fucking hard away from you so that they have to boost to get back. again, in now way is this build viable, but it's got some tricks, and it is funny. sometimes funny can be pretty good too.

also you can probably do this with 2 sword hits (this being get someone 9 hexes in the air) but we don't gotta worry about that because then they're not prone at the end

[ravenofspades]

i believe the time has come to reveal my greatest secret: quite possibly the single stupidest lancer build i ever did come up with. it has known quite a few names, but i shall simply refer to it as The Orbital Suplex Build.

-- SSC Atlas @ LL8 -- [ LICENSES ] IPS-N Blackbeard 3, IPS-N Caliban 1, SSC Atlas 3, HA Sherman 1 [ CORE BONUSES ] Titanomachy Mesh, Full Subjectivity Sync [ TALENTS ] Duelist 3, Juggernaut 2, Brutal 2, Technophile 2, Iconoclast 1, Combined Arms 1 [ STATS ] HULL:0 AGI:4 SYS:6 ENGI:0 STRUCTURE:4 HP:10 ARMOR:0 STRESS:4 HEATCAP:4 REPAIR:2 TECH ATK:+4 LIMITED:+0 SPD:8 EVA:18 EDEF:12 SENSE:3 SAVE:14 [ WEAPONS ] FLEX MOUNT: Kraul Rifle MAIN MOUNT: Terashima Blade (Supermassive Mod) [ SYSTEMS ] Synthetic Muscle Netting, Jäger Kunst I, Jäger Kunst II x3, Reinforced Cabling

now this did require an above average amount of the demon known as math (i had to do some addition). moreover, it's not exactly, how should I say, good, useful, or, y'know, viable at this level. but. if you really, really, really just wanna send people into fucking orbit, then here you go, this is the single funniest way you can do that. technically the only talents you really need are Juggernaut 2 and Duelist 3, but the others are either because this is an actual character i played, or for fun. Brutal 2, for example, deals 1 extra knockback if you crit.

also Jäger Kunst I & II are there for the funny. you could theoretically use the Ramjet from Nelson 3 on this build but it's already stupid enough as is.

the point of this build, and why we needed to use the Atlas, is yeet the enemy into the air so high they take maximum fall damage, that being 9 AP kinetic for 9 hexes in the air. how do we achieve this lofty goal?

boost, run into the space of some enemy mech, and then, because knockback goes away from you, and because you're an Atlas pilot so you can just cockroach your way directly under a larger mech, you smack the enemy directly in their mechanized crotch so fucking hard that it sends them 60 feet straight up in the air (2 knockback from Wind Stance on the Terashima Blade, plus 2 knockback from the tuned Supermassive Mod, plus 1 knockback from Titanomachy Mesh, and if you crit that's 1 knockback from Brutal 2). you then use Blademaster 3 to immediately ram them as a free action (and Reinforced Cabling coupled with some typical Atlas bullshit to actually move upr to them). because we boosted earlier, Juggernaut 2 procs, so this ram knocks our opponent 40 additional feet into the air (1 knockback from the ram, 1 knockback from Titanomachy Mesh, and 2 from Juggernaut 2). additionally, you can then ram again as another free action due to Titanomachy Mesh for 20 more feet. but you could instead grapple.

because we took Synthetic Muscle Netting this is something we can just straight up do on any mech, no matter the size, ignore the fact that i have ZERO hull on this mech this is totally gonna work (just swap some agility for hull if you're struggling). now assuming you win the contested grapple check because no way in hell did you just throw something size 1/2, the enemy must now move with you. because you have Reinforced Cabling, you can just pull yourself back down to the ground, and you therefore take no damage. the enemy cannot do this but moves with you nonetheless, and impacts the ground at mach Fuck You, taking 9 AP kinetic damage, and because you rammed them earlier, hey, they're prone. so you overcharge and hit them again, and because they're prone, yippee, more damage.

all that work for two sword hits and 9 AP kinetic damage means you're dealing an average of, like, 19 kinetic damage a turn. not great. but, extremely fucking funny. you can also just chose to leave the enemy in the air for your friends to take potshots at from behind cover, or just hit someone really, really fucking hard away from you so that they have to boost to get back. again, in no way is this build viable, but it's got some tricks, and it is funny. sometimes funny can be pretty good too.

also you can probably do this with 2 sword hits (this being get someone 9 hexes in the air) but we don't gotta worry about that because then they're not prone at the end

[ravenofspades]

mad props to whoever added "LMAO" in brainfuck to the list of 2 billion random messages that can show up on the HORUS Terminal theme for COMP/CON, that shit's hilarious

[ravenofspades]

for the longest time i've struggled to quickly articulate what would be the perfect mech game, because that's a conversation i have so often, but with the release of the PVKK trailer (go watch it, for it fucks verily), i finally have what i need. take that, add this video

add vr (optional but crosshair puzzles can only be so fun) and you have the perfect mech game. i wanna feel the thunder of my cannons and feel my rig shake as armor plating and humming energy shields eat bullets. i want every single button to be nice and analogue and do something. i want to have power shunting, targeting systems, i wanna have to work, to become one with my machine as we fight the enemy gamers. i wanna have a DLC that adds the ability to fuck the 3 story death machine i've been sweating my ass off in the cockpit of for the last hour. y'know, normal person stuff.

[ravenofspades]

the dangers of GMing lancer for people i only kinda am friends with is that they might through the campaign discover my love of sci-fi butch lesbians, or worse, how much i wanna fuck the NHPs

[ravenofspades]

they need to give the guy who does the box art for Promega's kits a raise these all fuck

[ravenofspades]

then...i will do what i must. as an enjoyer of both lancer and titanfall 2, it is my obligation to bring you the information that follows (hopefully not to the chagrin of firbolgonmain who i definitely didn't steal this concept from) PS i had to actually play tone to remember how the damn thing works. do not worry, i am presently atoning for my sins by GMing for a party exclusively composed of Hydra mains

(Papa) Scorch

scorch has pecs so big they're legally considered humungous hungolomghnonoloughongous, and they're the type to work 25 hours in a welding shop before coming home drenched in sweat and fucking you on every single available surface. they work hard, they play just as hard, and most likely they can solve a practical problem or two. they're a union man, they're definitely forklift certified, and canonically, scorch can work a grill. what more could you possibly ask for in a man.

has the entire OSHA handbook memorized so it can properly fine itself for every violation it commits during combat. not war crimes tho/10

Legion

i am going to struggle not to make obvious dick jokes here. it does not matter how much stamina you think you have. legion has more. an all day fuck-session is considered light work to this absolute goddamn unit. don't worry, you do get to pick exactly how and in what way you're going to end up penetrated by 140 rounds of red hot depleted uranium i mean penis and/or cum, but it is going to last a long while and legion will be there for you the entire time. the most caring dom and most aggressive top you've ever met, would kill for you, and it even comes with built in protection.

it costs 0 dollars to fire this weapon for any amount of time, you cannot make me pay for anything while my boyfriend is here, especially taxes/10

Ion

the archetypal service bottom. she will do everything in her power to make you feel good and it will leave her exhausted, but isn't that kind of hot? sure, ion definitely works out. and they could easily melt anything they come across into a pile of slag with a 5 meter hole in it (hello Sherman Harrison-Armory), but they're yours and that means they'll do whatever you tell them to. even if it means completely draining their reactor

laser core is the most boner-inducing thing i've seen in my entire life/10

Tone

don't know how to find the g-spot? here, they'll help. tone knows every single button you have and exactly how to push it. they're leave you utterly exhausted and flustered beyond belief, then kiss you on the head and go back to their work-from-home job that somehow makes 6 figures. you are the trophy husband in this relationship, there are no other options. also that pineapple gif? that's you now but ever more and minus the werewolf.

i'm decently sure that a penis has no pressure points in the conventional sense but this thing is going to make science question that/10

Monarch

definitely 100% without a doubt into pred-prey dynamics, and you will not escape it. monarch is in a punk rock band, definitely as either the bassist or the drummer. if you know you know. just watching this fucking demon stalking a titan on the battlefield, waiting for it to get doomed, only to slam its fist straight through their cockpit, rip the battery out, and unceremoniously kick it to the ground is enough to make anyone hot and bothered. you know how they say love is a battlefield? yeah, yeah, this thing fucks. monarch has gotten laid more times that you can count and it picked you as it's favorite toy to put a ring (or collar, you pick) on. that makes you special.

pipebomb in your mailbox (unlike all the other mechs monarch was made by a bunch of guerilla freedom fighter rebels instead of basically-SSC)/10

Northstar

the obvious dick joke is back help me- despite being the most [generic sci-fi here] of the mechs the northstar is secretly the kinkiest bitch on this list, by a fucking mile. they're that one partner that somehow has encyclopedic knowledge and skill with even the most obscure fetish and they will use this to your detriment in the bedroom. also we see the return of tactical bondage a la Black Witch SSC. is your favorite character type the femme fatale in every noir movie or, i don't know, pick your favorite sci-fi butch lesbian? is the concept of something impractical, but so fucking cool that you don't care about the efficacy appealing to you? northstar is a sniper that can fly, and it is your terrifying, flirty dommy mommy during active combat.

i have a tendency to get the "go get 'em tiger" eject message when self destructing in this thing and if that ain't just the sweetest thing ever/10

Ronin

ronin is the only titan on this list that is fully 100% a bottom, partially because i have never seen this thing win a fight. it could probably be a dom if every single on of it's friends weren't so much better at it than them. for ronin to bottom for you, you must make like anyone romancing the average high-echelon LARPer and beat them in a swordfight. that is the most satisfying, romantic shit ever, don't even try and argue with me. i myself have personally driven multiple ronins insane and i will tell you there is no experience more satisfying than picking up the pieces of a shattered warrior and utterly fucking railing them (with a high-energy railgun (in minecraft of course)).

probably owns cat ears and a maid dress and they're ashamed to admit it/10

so we've been introduced to the fuckability of the lancer mechs, but, hear me out, what about the titanfall 2 mechs?

[ravenofspades]

there are like 3 people who will get this but i the map PRISON from cursed halo is just what house of leaves is like

[ravenofspades]

btw for any of y'all that never had the joy of working with the stuff, hydrogen peroxide is a miracle substance that is great for a number of things. most people just know it as that stuff that you put on cuts and that gets blood out of clothes, but did you know: - hydrogen peroxide is both an oxidizing and reducing agent, something that i can't explain accurately in a funny manner so just google it. thusly, if you mix it with another oxidant or reductant, it explodes - if you put enough hydrogen peroxide in water, it explodes - if you just have enough hydrogen peroxide, period, it explodes - if you electrify hydrogen peroxide, or the solution it's in, it'll usually explode - if you mix hydrogen peroxide with an acid, it explodes - if you mix hydrogen peroxide with a base, it explodes - also it should make sense at this point that if you heat hydrogen peroxide it'll also probably explode all this is because hydrogen peroxide is a hydrogen bonded to an oxygen bonded to another oxygen bonded to a hydrogen. and oxygens fucking hate being bonded together in that way so they look for any opportunity to break their bonds. in practice this looks like them taking any opportunity to either turn into H2 and O2 gas or become water (usually also releases gas). either way, this generates heat. if you have heat and gas appearing in a container, yeah that's a bomb. there's a reason you can only get this stuff at 3% concentration in the store.

gotta love the pure, incandescent joy i get from once again getting to familiarize myself with OSHA chemical safety protocols. i fuckin' love being able to look at a good 'ol NFPA 704 safety diamond and turn to my friends and say "that'd kill you, and here's how-". even better when i get payed to do that shit

[ravenofspades]

gotta love the pure, incandescent joy i get from once again getting to familiarize myself with OSHA chemical safety protocols. i fuckin' love being able to look at a good 'ol NFPA 704 safety diamond and turn to my friends and say "that'd kill you, and here's how-". even better when i get payed to do that shit

[ravenofspades]

where is that patience i used when i waited 3 years for the entire bioshock bundle to go on sale. i'm waiting for the gloomwood update to come out rn, i could use it