rashmonkey-blog

[rashmonkey-blog]

Fuck Thigh Gap. Girl please! Put some meat on them bones! Thigh gap is for the birds! Drink the wine, eat the cake, buy the shoes and tell those skinny bitches to suck it! In case you are a skinny bitch, I apologize up front if I've offended you... you're probably just hangry.

[rashmonkey-blog]

Pretty motherfucker. ASAP Rocky isn't the only pretty motherfucker out there. I think you, my friend, are also one pretty motherfucker. Don't you think it's time you let people know. It's not being conceited if it's true. This one is made for the boys or perhaps claustrophobic women who want a little extra wiggle room in their jewelry. This cuff is 7 1/4" x 1" wide. I can't lie, I love this bracelet and so will everyone else.

[rashmonkey-blog]

Good morning sluts. Friendly, yet with a slight tone of tough love. Made popular by yours and my favorite...the one...the only...Chanel Oberlin. Probably best reserved for your closest squad members.

[rashmonkey-blog]

Pray for champagne. Life is all about priorities. And sure, we all care about the kids...and world peace...and the ozone...and all that other important stuff...but let's be honest...champagne has to be on the radar...top five!...top five! Brothers and sisters!...let's all join together and pray...let's all join together and pray for champagne.

[rashmonkey-blog]

Pretty motherfucker. ASAP Rocky isn't the only pretty motherfucker out there. I think you, my friend, are also one pretty motherfucker. Don't you think it's time you let people know. It's not being conceited if it's true.

[rashmonkey-blog]

GOOD MORNING SLUTS.  Yeah...let’s just leave it at that.  www.rashmonkey.com

[rashmonkey-blog]

Only 4 days until the season 2 premiere.  Don’t forget to tune in you idiot hookers!!!

[rashmonkey-blog]

Waterfalls is my jam. And after watching Scream Queens I found out I'm not alone. They left a dying girl in a bathtub so as not to miss a little TLC. "I am NOT missing "Waterfalls" for this..."Waterfalls" is my jam." Maybe it's your jam too. Don't be ashamed. Fly your freak flag.

[rashmonkey-blog]

Real women drink whiskey. Women are strong. Women are beautiful. Women are awesome. And REAL women don't jack around drinking cosmos...REAL women drink whiskey! So when the time comes to enjoy a cocktail, screw the Skinny Girl Margarita and get yourself a Manhattan...an Old Fashioned...or maybe just a nice Elijah Craig Small Batch...neat.

[rashmonkey-blog]

Family. One, big, happy...hey look...little Johnny is upside down...that's because little Johnny has always been a little different. Those who grasp the realities of life will understand that you usually have that one child who is a little different. If you are in denial or really have that storybook life, then just let us know and line up all those little brats just how you want them. Maybe you want to put your spouse on their head. Or maybe you want to leave them off completely...that's cool. We aim to please. Just let us know what you want and we'll get it hammered out.

[rashmonkey-blog]

Millennial AF. Born between 1980-2000...Millennial. Posing for a selfie with your friend while you Snapchat about your recent trip to Zimbabwe...Millennial AF!

[rashmonkey-blog]

Coffee...wine...repeat. Forget the Lion King. THIS is the real circle of life!! Now...how often you repeat is on you...but don't fret...this is a no judgement zone. Cheers!!

[rashmonkey-blog]

Illinois...corn dirt & stuff. Show some pride in your homeland. Tell folks what it's all about! You're from Illinois! Home of corn...dirt...& stuff. If you have some ideas about your stomping grounds, just let us know and we'll customize your message. Here are a few ideas to get things going... California...surf stars & traffic. New York...glam rats & pizza. Florida...citrus sand & old people. Wisconsin...cheese beer & more of that. You get the idea, right.