rascalsoftheravine-blog

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Rascalsoftheravine Staff Return From A Radler-Fueled European Romp

January 9, 2018 by Shannon Michael Smith They don’t talk about baseball in Austria, Germany, or France. Which is precisely why the Rascalsoftheravine staff hopped aboard an Air France airbus (the airline meal consisted of cheese served intravenously) to escape the pain of a Game Seven hari kari by Doomsday Darvish (the decision to start him was just about on par with Decca Records passing on The…

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Darvish Dooms Dodgers in World Series Washout

Darvish Dooms Dodgers in World Series Washout

November 2, 2017 by Shannon Michael Smith What was the saddest thing about last night’s loss? The fact that everyone in the stadium knew that Darvish was a bad choice to start Game 7 (The Astros murdered him in his previous start…the terrified look on his face may have been another hint.) Forget about the “deer in the headlights” look, it was more like “kitten in front of a speeding semi”… We…

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Panico? No! Joc Jacks Giant Jolt To Even Series

Panico? No! Joc Jacks Giant Jolt To Even Series

October 29, 2017 by Shannon Michael Smith Pederson’s a nut. He chomps Almond Joy not Mounds. He listens to Spike Jones records. He does Groucho Marx imitations. His screwball rah-rah antics have been a gas to peep over the course of the season…in or out, Pederson is always a boss teammate…we nearly shed a tear when they sent him down…it appeared J.P.’s days with the Dodgers were done…until……

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Darvish Doomed in Game 3 Gloom-Tomb, Will Los Dogs Survive?

Darvish Doomed in Game 3 Gloom-Tomb, Will Los Dogs Survive?

October 27, 2017  by Shannon Michael Smith Game 2 spew FIRST Did Dave go nerd-turd? “Can’t Buy A Thrill” Hill ousted with a vaudeville cane after 4? Yes. It’s what’s done them right, by gawd, all season long… Is it over? Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? (oh, you knew that crap was coming…) Nein, my shottttzeeeee…the Dodgers only need to win one to bring it back to the land of the…

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Dodgers Dine On Astro Burgers, Chomp Game One

Dodgers Dine On Astro Burgers, Chomp Game One

October 24, 2017 by Shannon Michael Smith Larry King was front and center in his Brooklyn hat. Screw Brooklyn! Yeah, we’re sick of L.A. being painted in an unfavorable light when they compare the cities, fans, etc…screw em, indeed…people move from NY to here, not the other way around… Kringle’s two-run blast in the sixth! Taylor’s solo smash in the first! If he had any sense, his nickname would…

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Karma Kills Cubs As Dodgers Head To World Series

Karma Kills Cubs As Dodgers Head To World Series

October 19, 2017 by Shannon Michael Smith Pssst…hey, Cubs. Next time you want to raise a flag and pass out rings in front of the team you beat to get the World Series (read “Classless Cubs Rub It In At Wrigley” for more info Steamin’ Shan) , think on tonight’s whoopin… Are the Dodgers really headed to the World Series for the first time since 1888? Um, no…there was no World Series in 1888… You…

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Dodgers Deliver In City Of Broads With Boulders, Eyeball Sweep Tomorrow

Dodgers Deliver In City Of Broads With Boulders, Eyeball Sweep Tomorrow

October 17, 2017 by Shannon Michael Smith After winning the first two games in the NLCS, the Dodgers have done the unimaginable! They finally got around to trimming Kringle’s beard? Turner was starting to look like a dazed member of the Hell’s Angels in Gimmie Shelter. No, you dolt! They won a third NLCS game! A third! Final score: Dodgers 6, Cub-Schlubs 1 Darvish’s fake-bunt AB was hypno-gold!…

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Dodgers Club Cubs, Enrage PITA in Game One of NLCS

Dodgers Club Cubs, Enrage PITA in Game One of NLCS

October 15, 2017 by Shannon Michael Smith It feels like eons since Los Dogs took Game One of an NLCS! Can you dig it? “Yes I can, and I’ve been waiting such a long time…” Ah! Lyrics from Chicago’s “Saturday In The Park”, right? Well, it certainly wasn’t their Saturday in that Game One loss, heh heh… Puig’s jack was boss, he nearly had two! Yeah, Larry King went into an improvisational dance right…

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Darvish Deals Death To D-Backs, Dodgers Advance To NLCS

Darvish Deals Death To D-Backs, Dodgers Advance To NLCS

October 9, 2017 by Shannon Michael Smith Bellinger and Barnes bashed blue bombs! Yeah, Darvish dealt, the bullpen battened down the hatches. Joc Pedersen pogoed to the hits…final score: Shocked at the sweep! They stranded a bunch of runners tonight… Yeah, but they’re playing with confidence heading into the NLCS, could this be the year they finally get over the hump? No. What do you mean, no?…

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Puig’s Panache Pulverizes Desert Dwellers as Dodgers Take Game Two

Puig’s Panache Pulverizes Desert Dwellers as Dodgers Take Game Two

October 8, 2017 by Shannon Michael Smith Let’s Make Some Noise! The Tubes song? No, Rich Hill held up a sign that said “Make Some Noise” for all the crowd to see… Yeah, we’re just messing with ya, we saw it, he broke about 12 MLB codes and will face Doug Neidermeyer in a kangaroo court today… Well, It looks like the Dodgers should take this series after that 8-5 victory last night… Not so fast!…

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Dodgers Torpedo Taijuan’s Seasoning, Take Game One

Dodgers Torpedo Taijuan’s Seasoning, Take Game One

October 7, 2017 by Shannon Michael Smith What a scene at the Ravine! Larry King did the cha-cha-cha.  Mary Hart passed out skewered snake tapas. Dennis Gilbert danced with a midget. Hey, did you guys eat the double bacon cheeseburger with the donut bun last night? We didn’t stop there! Kringle’s three-run blast in the bottom of the first almost made us drop our fried chicken and ice cream…

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Big Five? Dodgers Clinch NL West Again (Yawn)

Big Five? Dodgers Clinch NL West Again (Yawn)

September 23, 2017 by Shannon Michael Smith Tommy Lasorda strode through the champers drenched locker room like an Italian Terminator as the Dodgers won their fifth NL West title in-a-row. Take that, hated ones! It was nice, but the fans don’t really care. There is only one goal, one dream… A young, blind ice skater twirls her way into America’s hearts with an Olympic gold medal performance for…

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Injury Bug Bites As Dodgers Chill Phills

Injury Bug Bites As Dodgers Chill Phills

September 21, 2017 by Shannon Michael Smith The stepped on Bellinger’s balls. They tried to break the tiny bones in Justin Turner’s hand. They booed Santa Claus… Yet, Los Dogs prevailed in The Athens of America, 5-4. Bring on the Hated Ones. Is Turner okay? Turner was hit by a pitch and ended up with a bone bruise. Those hurt. Some drunk jerk in a purple truck nearly ran over one of our staffers…

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Dodgers Downed Again As Phils Phoil Clinch-Cinch

Dodgers Downed Again As Phils Phoil Clinch-Cinch

September 21, 2017 by Shannon Michael Smith The natives are restless. Dodger fans all over the city are biting nails and gobbling Alka-Seltzer at an incredible rate. Los Dogs have regressed to mediocrity as the overachieving club that dominated the game after the All-Star break seems to have all but have disappeared…final score: Phillies 7, Dodgers 5. The Dodgers will try to avoid a four-game…

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Washington Whipped! Dodgers Say, “Gimmie Five!”

Washington Whipped! Dodgers Say, “Gimmie Five!”

September 17, 2017 by Shannon Michael Smith The ship is apparently back on course as the Dodgers have won their second series in-a-row and aim for the sweep today in Chocolate City. The magic number to win the west has been cut down to five. Kind of like our limit on KFC’s Georgia Gold Chicken (otherwise we would eat several buckets…like Dom Deluise or that chick from Precious…) Roberts says the…

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Bellinger Bombs McCovey Cove In Actual Series Win

Bellinger Bombs McCovey Cove In Actual Series Win

September 14, 2017 by Shannon Michael Smith The Dodgers have won a series! Hated ones be damned! Final score: Dodgers 4, Giants 1… The team that couldn’t lose a game became the team that couldn’t win a game became the team that actually won a series! Huh? It’s confusing, isn’t it? Let October begin, already! Easy now…the Dodgers should probably win another series or two before the big battle… If…

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Dodgers Clinch Postseason Berth, Prepare For First-Round Exit

Dodgers Clinch Postseason Berth, Prepare For First-Round Exit

September 13, 2017 by Shannon Michael Smith The losing streak has been struck! King Kersh put the kibosh on another long losing streak as the Dodgers clinched a postseason berth in Fran-Fran last night. Final score: Dodgers 5, Giants 3…Fans are still extremely skeptical of this team’s chances in the playoffs, though…even Little Orphan Annie has stopped believing. Los Dogs have proven that it’s…