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Me Online:

Me in real life:

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Oh my GOD

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does john mulaney know that he is literally one of the only stand-up comedians to ever transcend traditional media and become a meme and social media icon or does he just live in his 1950s schoolboy bliss

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Dating Peter Maximoff Would Include...

Peter is a very loving boyfriend.

You met through Charles, having to work together on a mission. You clicked immediately.

Peter doesn’t care if you have powers or not. He thinks they’re awesome if you have them and he thinks you’re still awesome without them.

Ultimate piggyback rides. You can go anywhere within seconds.

Getting together was a very long and difficult process. You both liked each other, but were too awkward to do anything about it.

Peter always flirted with you, but he flirted with everyone, so you never knew if he was serious.

You were the only person he could get real with and be serious about.

You talked to Storm a lot about your feelings to the point where Peter thought you and Storm were dating. Peter talked to Jean a lot about his feelings, so you thought those two were dating. It was very complicated.

It wasn’t until you were all hanging out in the library and cracking jokes with Peter that Warren said “Why don’t you guys just bone already?”

That started to conversation. Peter got serious for a second and asked if you’d interested. Instead of asking you out, though. He wanted to do something really worthwhile to ask you out.

Peter bought flowers, he had cake and music and invited you to dance in the rec room when no one else was there. It was dim and some good music was playing.

You weren’t the best dancer in the world, but Peter wasn’t either. You fumbled and laughed and had fun. He brought out food that he cooked (stole) himself. He even got you a gift. He stole it for you, which you knew, but it was still cute.

“I want to date you. Like do stuff with and play around and go out.”

“We do all those things.” You laugh.

“But I want to kiss you while I’m doing it.”

“That can be arranged.”

Jean and Scott are suddenly out done as The Official Couple of the School. Most kids think they’re gross or don’t want to see all the gross cutesy stuff. Peter and you are adorable, though and still know how to have fun.

Peter loves kids. He wants an army one day, but he’s also fine just working with kids if you don’t want any. He likes playing with the younger kids at the school, carrying them around, running with them, or tossing them up in the air.

You basically become second parents to most of the kids. When they can’t come to Peter about something, they come to you. Whether it’s relationship advice, school work or questions about mutations. Weirdly enough, A LOT of kids have come out to you. Peter is fluid with sexuality and so when kids come out of the closets they tend to go to you two.

You even started a little GSA club at the school for these kids, since having mutations is hard enough.

Peter is a very physical person. As in, he likes holding hands or wrapping his arm around you. Hugs are one of his favorite things, especially when he can hear your heartbeat.

You’ve managed to make out in almost all the rooms in the manor. It’s a running game now to see how far you can go before getting caught.

Surprisingly, you’ve only been caught once and that was by Warren in the kitchen at three a.m. His only response was a thumbs up and a “Nice”. You hit Peter before he could fistbump with Warren while you were still there.

Peter is very fast-paced. He wants to do things now, now, now. So one of his favorite things about you is that you can keep up, but you also help him enjoy the little things. Peter enjoys napping with you, holding you in his arms.

More often than not, Peter likes being held. He likes your arms wrapped around his body or letting his head bury into you. He LOVES being little spoon.

When Peter goes on missions, he likes when you come with. The danger doesn’t bother him because you know how to handle weapons. He likes you around to keep him on task. Your presence helps with his ADHD habits.

Being distracted is common with speedsters, but Peter is diagnosed with ADHD. Most of his relationships have ended badly because they can’t put up with him or his moments. So the fact that you support him and actually like listening to his ideas is great. He loves you so much.

Peter is ride or die for you and he’d do anything, steal anything, and love anything just for you.

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Darcy And Loki

Tasertricks Au

For @dresupi

A Month Long Halloween 2018 👻

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[20/?] (insp.)

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Spider-Man Homecoming (2017)

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Honestly, my favorite thing at the moment is all the marvel headcanons where Hela wasn’t cray-cray homicidal, and she’s an overprotective bitchy sister.

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Do u ever wish someone like,,,,,had a crush on you or smth…..,,,,,????

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Best of Kai - 104 / ∞

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Bonnie Bennett + American Horror Story’s Seven Wonders (requested by anonymous)

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Is not this simpler? Is this not your natural state? It’s the unspoken truth of humanity, that you crave subjugation. The bright lure of freedom diminishes your life’s joy in a mad scramble for power, for identity. You were made to be ruled. In the end, you will always kneel.

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Grandma… It’s me, Anastasia!

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No Reciprocation

This was killing you - and it had to stop. 

During your first six months with the BAU as their new communications liaison (having taken over for JJ when she returned the team as a profiler), you couldn’t stop yourself from falling for the cute doctor with a heart of gold and an IQ through the roof. You weren’t with the team all the time, but you were with them enough to see him work under pressure, interact with kids, spend time with his friends and crack the toughest of cases. The only person that knew of your schoolgirl crush (that was the most you’d admit, you wouldn’t say you were in love with him, it was too embarrassing) was Emily; you didn’t want anyone to know and she seemed like she wouldn’t mind keeping your secret. 

Everything he did, said, wore…anything really - it all made you weak in the knees: the way his hair fell in front of his face, accentuating his boyish face and sleek jawline: the way his hair always looked completely perfect and yet totally slept in: the clothes he wore highlighting his gentlemanly personality. He tended to lick his lips when he was deep in thought and his face scrunched up like an adorable puppy when he was confused. It all drove you nuts. And that was only the physical.

He ranted when he was nervous - or when he was particularly interested in what he was talking about. However, it was his way with kids that cemented how much you liked him. He was Uncle Spencer to JJ’s son Henry and one particular night you watched in a mix of awe, surprise and joy as he entertained Henry with magic tricks. You knew he wanted kids of his own one day - and he would make an amazing father.

You were shy by nature, so the thought of telling Spencer how you felt about him straight out was out the question. Your anxiety and self-doubt wouldn’t allow it, no matter how much Emily said you should. The most you could do was drop subtle hints and hope he would pick up on them.

So, time after time, you’d brush up against him, pick up his coffee order, or make excuses to go to his desk and ask questions - hoping you could strike up a conversation that didn’t pertain to work, one that might lead to something else.

The day never came. And it probably wasn’t going to. But you couldn’t go on interacting with him the way you did and never getting the reaction you wanted. It was especially painful when you saw him all flustered and awkward with a woman on a case. It never got any easier for you to see him like that with someone that wasn’t you. You had to try and distance yourself from him, no matter how much it hurt. At least for the time being, you had to take care of yourself - and having your feelings not be reciprocated was hurting you deep down inside. Much more than you wanted to admit. So you decided to do the best you could to distance yourself from him until you could find a way to get over him.

                                          ————————-

Six weeks later.

“Hey, Morgan?” Spencer asked, sitting down at his desk with his morning coffee. For the past few weeks, he had to get used to getting his own coffee again, as Y/N had stopped doing it. She always brought him his morning coffee, but said she’d gotten too busy lately to keep it going. 

Derek looked up from his computer, having just finished a flirty email with Penelope. “What’s up, kid?”

Spencer tried to think of a way to best vocalize what he was feeling. “I think Y/N has been ignoring me lately. Do you know why? I invited her over to watch Doctor Who with Penelope and I the other day, I have quite a few times in fact, and she turns me down every time. But she’ll go out with the entire team. I think it’s me she doesn’t want to spend time with.” He shook his head, trying to make sense of Y/N’s behavior the past few weeks. But no matter what, he couldn’t make heads or tails of it.

“Really, kid?” Morgan asked baffled.

“What?” Spencer asked, more confused than ever. “What did I do?”

“It’s not what you did, Reid. It’s what you didn’t do,” Morgan hesitated, seeing if the boy wonder would pick up on the problem. When it was clear he still wasn’t getting it, he continued. “Reid, from what I can profile about Y/N, she has been hopelessly in love with you since the moment she started here - and you haven’t shown any interest.”

Spencer’s eyes widened in surprise, like the thought that Y/N was interested in him was out of the question. “She doesn’t like me, what are you talking about?”

Morgan just shook his head, exasperated. “You know, for a dude with an IQ of 187, you really are dumb sometimes? Have you never noticed the amount of times she’s brushed up against you? The times she’d come to your desk with paperwork that didn’t actually need to be filled out immediately - she just did it to try and talk to you?” He pointed to Spencer’s sugary coffee and continued, “That coffee you have every morning - you mean to tell me you didn’t notice that when she was bringing you coffee, she wasn’t getting anyone else’s order? Just yours?”

“No,” he whispered, “I had no idea.”

“Well,” Morgan shrugged, placing his chair back in front of his own desk, “I don’t know if you’re going to be able to do anything about it now. She hasn’t had her feelings reciprocated for seven months; I think she’s been distancing herself from you so she doesn’t hurt anymore. But, if you do really want to know, I’d ask Emily. Y/N seems to confide in her the most.”

As Morgan turned back to begin making a dent in his mountain of paperwork, Spencer sat slack-jawed and more confused than ever. It had never occurred to him that Y/N had romantic feelings for him, because no one ever did. 

He was pulled out of his daze by the ding of the elevator and he watched Y/N step out arm-in-arm with Emily, smiling from ear-to-ear, as if she’d just heard the funniest joke in the world. As she caught his eye, her smile faded, but she waved, as though she realized that niceties had to be observed in the workplace.

Y/N unlinked her arm from Emily’s, and made her way down the hallway to her office, leaving Spencer forlorn at the prospect of what might have been. Was it too late?

                                               ——————-

A/N: One of my last fic requests from this week! Hope you like and keep ’em coming!

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This year is truly the gayest™️

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Representation matters