random-side-account

[random-side-account]

the reason I talk before thinking is because she would get mad at me for taking time to think because I'm "slow". now she gets mad at me for that. also I say "what?" as soon as someone asks me something more than 7 words. it's to stall for time for me to think of answer so they don't get mad at me for being slow.

[random-side-account]

I think if I was a shapeshifter with metallic enhancements that changed with me so I could constantly have claws on me at all times and also be a girl would be pretty sick

[random-side-account]

Yesterday when I woke up I was fuckin jorkin my shit like real full force flicking around the pepis like freal just twisting that clip like a fukung joystick at the arcade full on fucming jorking and horking genuinely

[random-side-account]

Its nice to feel limp.

Yknow, letting everything down when your guards off. Yknow, fucking never, unless something stupid happens and your bubble breaks and you sit there, not bothering to reform it. Hoping someone might find you. Hoping someone cares. Moping around the hosue, limbs slumped, knees lowered. It's nice. It's kinda hot, ngl. Not on other people though, again, that implies I like other people crying. I only like it when I cry, and I deserve it so it helps me. I think that whenever I think of taking an action or saying something I'm not brave enough to do, I think that It happens in another timeline. It helps and hinders my daily functions a lot. Like, i think of murdering someone, but then I think of making up with a person I don't like so that ruins it, like, cmon mannnn I don't wanna do that in this timeline! Also, there's so many timeliness where I fucking killed her, honestly. Also where i said my mind, but no follow through, probably being disowned honestly. Anyway, I like being limp. Wish a hot wizard paralyzed me for a bit. Also I want to cry.

[random-side-account]

See, it's funny, because I'm not bawling my eyes out like usual, or keeping it all in. I'm just tearing up, making no actual movements, just laying on this couch, leaking tears. Real funny, eh? I don't even get the good feeling of sobbing. It feels nice. Is that normal? I like the feeling of jolting forward each time you make that motion. It's kinda hot ngl. Yeah I like it. Not on other people, no, im not a fucking freak that gets off to people crying. Just me crying. Anyways yeah I'm just laying on the couch leaking tears hbu

[random-side-account]

She's so impulsive

So childish. God you just canceled an appointment because of my little game? God, fuck. I said i don't even want to play. I'm not talking to her about it, ittl make things worse. I'm assuming either a. She's stupid, 2. Poor, and realized we cant afford it. Fuck

[random-side-account]

fictional kiss things that end me

being unable to open their eyes for a few moments afterward

one small kiss, pulling away for an instant, then devouring each other

pressing their foreheads together while kissing

speaking normally, then after the kiss their voice is hoarse

guys furrowing their brow when kissing passionately

staring at the other’s lips, trying not to kiss them, before giving in

running their thumb over the other’s lips

when they lean forward a fraction as if to kiss the other person, then realize they shouldn’t and pull back to stop themselves

ripping the other away - “no we shouldn’t” - but when they kiss them again they moan and hold them close

one sliding their hand into the other’s hair slowly

their entire body freezing for a second when their love kisses them

accidentally being forced inches apart from each other, staring at each other’s lips, and just before they kiss someone pulls them back apart

when one stops the kiss to whisper “I’m sorry, are you sure you-” and they answer by kissing them more

a hoarse whisper “kiss me”

then licks their lips and says “please”

[random-side-account]

I'm overreacting, I know. I'm just too normal, i can't help it

[random-side-account]

There's no explanation. I'm just like that

Im just unfocused, need to get my brain back on track. Here's 10 easy routines to follow to get more focused. Im just awkward. I can't talk to people because they have weird rules on talking. Because they're weird and normal about things. Random fun fact like I think most of my friends are queer in some way like minority cishet. Pretty cool. I'm only friends with FREAKS! I'm good friends with people with problems like mine, and thoughts like mine, and they have diagnoseseses' . But i don't because I'm normal, she knows it. Im just stupid, because i can't do anything without following several unrelated trains of thought. I'm normal, Im just a little weird. Just a little weird

[random-side-account]

I'm not weird in anyway, my head just does that

[random-side-account]

She hates me

I'm not like her, I'm like my father. She hates my father. I see myself like my father. I relate to my father. I want to be like my father. She hates my father. She hates him. He's the worst person in the world. She tells me she hates him. I hate him. I hate how similar he is to me. Everyone says I'm just like him, but I hate him. I hate him because he's like me. I hate him because of her.

[random-side-account]

Are you sure?

"Are you like your brother that barely understands the world? Are you like your sister who doesn't have a mostly developed brain yet? Are you like your father that would've been beaten for asking this question and would be ridiculed for admitting this at all? Are you like me, the most fucked up person you know and i acknowledge? Are you like your cousin that is also this but i dont personally see any comnection to? Again, are you like your dad that you believe to be very similar to yourself and I rant about everytime he's not around and you can't say anything against me because you're scared and i can't be argued with and you're just going to believe forever that i hate you because you're like the person I hate most In this world? Are you sure you're like us, your parents? Are you sure we aren't like you at all? Are you sure we aren't even though we seem to be? Why do you hate me"

[random-side-account]

She knows everything, right? Of course. That's why there's *Nothing Wrong With Us™* of course

[random-side-account]

I wish there was a reason aside from ptsd that fucked me up

Actually no ptsd would make them feel bad

[random-side-account]

It'd just be nice. Yknow, to know I'm not just naurally fucked up.

[random-side-account]

Yknow, maybe feeling immense psychological pain and sadness and shaking of limbs and almost crying at me saying "I'll always be what I was assigned at birth" isn't normal

[random-side-account]

Since I've been like, 7 or something I've had this recurring thought through the years of like, what if I'm like 70 and im having all my memories scrubbed through for some important info or something but as a side effect I'm also witnessing my entire life again and I forgot it before and I'm gonna wake up eventually and skip several decades or something and in a lab or some shit and sometimes im like "damn, you think they'd just take off the headset and put me in a ward by now?" And I don't know if i believe it or not