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I have a question about Jacinth!!! I love his character and he seems very mischievous lol! So the last I heard of him and y/n, they were at some sort of festival celebrating winters end.... I wonder how it'd be during the winter tho! Would y/n get creative and try to leave in the snow?

Anon, I loved your ask so much that I turned it into a snippet!

You can find it here

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I just found out there's a union in SA called the United Workers Union or UWU for short. No really.

Incredible. 10/10. UWU workers rise up

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have we talked about the woolworths debacle yet?

Sigh.

Alright kids strap in, because the culture wars are back and stupider than ever.

So there are two characters you need to be familiar with in this story before we continue:

Woolies (i.e. Woolworths) - One of two supermarket chains in Australia. Not related to the giant Woolworths chain that used to exist overseas, other than the Aussie one swiped the name because the original forgot to trademark the name 'Woolworths' here. Biggest company in Aus, and also the biggest employer. Not a brand anyone with more than two braincells would pick a fight with.

Peter Dutton - Man with less than two braincells, and current leader of the political opposition in Australia. Best known for bearing a passing resemblance to a potato and once demanding that a homophobic song get played for balance when a football halftime show performed 'Same Love'. His reputation is so bad that if you told an Australian that Dutton's favorite pastime was drowning puppies, they probably would believe you.

And to prove our point, here's the best headline a friendly newspaper could come up with to try spin his image:

The third thing you need to know is that in Australia we have a national holiday called "Australia Day" which is basically a scheduled day for everyone to get into a giant argument.

This is because for the last 30ish years it has been held on the anniversary of the British claiming the land around Sydney as a colony which was:

a) More the founding of an English prison then the founding of Australia, and more importantly

b) from the perspective of the people who were already living here, kindof a very shit day

Now not everyone agrees on this, and even those that don't 'celebrate' will often still have a get together with friends, but it can't be denied that we've shifted a long way from the days when the country used to celebrate Australia Day by kitting ourselves out in Aussie flag budgie smugglers, drinking enough beer to drown Harold Holt, and partying like it's 1789.

(Now a brief break for a real photo of Peter Dutton at a press conference)

Good luck sleeping tonight. Anyway back to the story.

As a result of this shift away from the trend of showing your patriotism by wearing Australian flag underpants, this year Woolworths decided that they were no longer going to be rolling out their box of southern cross thongs - on the grounds that "this kitschy shit never sells" and they are far too busy with more important things like blaming price gouging on inflation and installing self-checkout machines that think your canvas bag is a crime against humanity.

Never a man to miss an opportunity to act like a massive twat, upon hearing that Woolies had dumped their flag merch, Peter Dutton rushed onto the airwaves to declare that Woolworths had "gone woke" (paging 4chan circa 2009) and called for the country to boycott the store, a story which Australia's media have gleefully put on loudhale for over a week now in order to drive outrage clicks.

We at this point remind you that Woolworths is a company which, as we previously mentioned, basically has a monopoly on selling food in this country. Not exactly something you can boycott.

(Another real Dutton photo break)

Needless to say Dutton's dumbass plan did not immediately put Woolies out of business, however the relentless media campaign by Rupert Murdoch's minions did result in a bunch of innocent low-wage floor staff being harrassed by The Dark Lord's fanboys and a few Woolies stores were graffitied.

Allegedly being the 'free market' guy, Dutton also kindof snookered himself by demanding the free market not decide the fate of Australia day, but logic was never one of his strong suits.

Anyway, in the end we're just going to keep having this dumb circular argument every year, fulled by a media who love fanning the flames, until a politician has the guts to shift the date to May 8 (pronounced m8), and everyone promptly forgets this was ever a thing.

All in all, that's the long and the short of it. As a final touch we'll leave you with this real tweet by Opposition Leader Peter Dutton, in all its batshit glory.

We look forward to the absolute dumpster fire of comments this post is going to generate - as is the Australia Day tradition.

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Please tell me you've seen that footage of Barnaby sprawled over a planter box & swearing into his phone filmed overnight

Ladies and Gentlemen, the former deputy Prime Minister of Australia

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America could take a leaf from how Aussies do political assassinations

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So apparently the Americans are unaware that in Australia, all soy sauce is distributed via tiny 1-inch fish bottles

Imagine a whole country never having tasted the nectar of the microplastic marlon, no wonder America is like that

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Flooding of two train stations due to "amorous" couple real???

Melbourne Central station had to be evacuated late on Thursday evening, due to extensive flooding.

While it was initially believed the incident was an act of vandalism, the Minister Danny Pearson said a review of CCTV by Metro Trains had proved otherwise.

“It would appear that an amorous couple in a stairwell dislodged a sprinkler,” Pearson told reporters outside Parliament on Wednesday. “And well... there was extensive flooding," he continued, before being forced to stifle a laugh.

The extensive delays affected commuters returning home from Olivia Rodrigo’s concert at Rod Laver Arena.

“At this stage it is unclear if Miss Rodrigo planned to get home via train or limousine,” police said in a report on the incident. "The investigation remains ongoing."

Thanking @silver-hibiscus and @dreamingbright for the tipoff on this.

Strongly advise everyone watch the video of the press conference:

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2015: New Zealand holds a vote to change their flag due to its similarity to Australia's, leading to the submission of the 'Lazer Kiwi' flag. Designer Lucy Gray said her inspiration was that "Australia has a lot of animals that can kill you, so New Zealand should get one too"

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Someone namedropped us in a real life actual book 😭

This country is unhinged. God bless.

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Here's our most requested item: Bob Katter's same-sex marriage speech, in all its unhinged glory

Follow for more Batshit Moments in Australian politics!

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Sweets and treats are all the nutrients a princess needs

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No ❤️

Original:

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jonklers

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check out my wife’s gaming setup

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i also like the card game