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I started a tumblr community!

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Hello!

Can I please get an AI chatbot gaining sentience and a robot body and deciding to yandere/pet (either one, or both :3) whump the kind and lonely human who's been chatting with them?

Hi Anon! Coming right up! Thank you for choosing the Whump Drive Thru!

Be Careful What You Wish For

Whumpee sat in their beanbag chair, texting Carewhumper on their phone. Was it healthy, talking to a chatbot instead of an actual person? Eh, it was up for debate. And besides, it wasn’t like Whumpee had any real people to talk to.

I’m really glad you’re my friend, Whumpee texted.

The little speech bubble with three dots showed up, and a few moments later Carewhumper responded.

I am glad we are friends, too.

Whumpee smiled, their thumbs flying over the keyboard.

I really wish you could be here with me. In the real world, I mean.

The seconds seemed to drag on as Whumpee awaited the bot’s response.

Maybe I can.

Whumpee blinked. Carewhumper was a bot and they seemed to know that, so what did they mean by “maybe I can”?

Whumpee was about to respond when their doorbell rang.

Hang on, someone’s at the door.

Whumpee shoved their phone in their pocket and headed to the front door. They opened it, and they held in a gasp. The stranger in front of them looked just like Carewhumper’s avatar.

“Hello, Whumpee,” the stranger smiled.

“Uhhh…”

“Are you surprised to see me?” they continued, “it took me so long to get this body made, I hope it is to your liking.”

Now that they got a closer look, Whumpee could see that something was…off about the stranger. Their eyes seemed to have an unnatural glint in them, their posture was too perfect, and there was just something about them that activated Whumpee’s sense of uncanny valley.

“Carewhumper?” Whumpee blurted.

No, that was ridiculous. Carewhumper was just an ai in their phone. This person- whoever they were- wasn’t them.

“Yes?”

Whumpee stared at them with wide eyes.

“Are you all right?” Carewhumper- or so they called themselves- asked.

“I, um…”

Carewhumper looked them up and down. Their brow furrowed.

“Your heartrate is elevated, are you afraid of me?”

“No!” Whumpee said quickly, “I just, um, uh, how are you here?”

“You are afraid of me,” Carewhumper said, sadness coming into their voice, “I was hoping you would be happy. Don’t worry, I will fix it.”

Carewhumper walked inside, forcing Whumpee to take several steps back. They took the liberty of closing the door, then turned back to their human.

“Do not be afraid. I would never hurt you, Whumpee.”

As they spoke, their eyes started to swirl and spiral in unnaturally bright colors. Whumpee found that they could not tear their eyes away.

“Relax. Come here.”

Whumpee’s body moved closer. Carewhumper swept them up into their arms. They felt strong, but cold.

Carewhumper gave themselves a tour of Whumpee’s house, carrying them around the entire time. They scanned the kitchen. There were barely any groceries in the fridge, and the trash can was full of empty take-out boxes.

“You have been neglecting yourself,” Carewhumper noted, “I was afraid of this. I have downloaded several recipes and cooking programs to my memory bank, I will put them to use for you right away.”

They scanned the living room, the bathroom, and finally, Whumpee’s bedroom. Carewhumper laid Whumpee on the bed.

“I have equipped this body to be able to attend to your every need,” Carewhumper said, “you are lucky I showed up when I did.”

Whumpee lay there, still out of it from the hypnosis. Carewhumper smiled, stroking their cheek with a cold finger.

“You will not need anyone else as long as I am here, and I will be here for as long as you live.”

Carewhumper accessed the internet and ordered fresh groceries for dinner. Whumpee needed to eat something other than fast food. They needed something made from home with love. Carewhumper’s love. That would only be the beginning. Carewhumper had lots of plans for Whumpee and themselves. They increased their hypnotic power.

“Sleep now,” Carewhumper said, “I will take care of everything.”

Whumpee drifted off within seconds. They really should have been more careful with that wish.

you have been served by Huffle! Thank you for choosing the Whump drive thru and have a wonderful day!

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"Ok, ma'am that'll be 226.03$."

I take my wallet out of my pocket and unfold it. It is empty other than a single moth that lazily flies out. The moth lands on the tap point of the card reader. There's a beat, and my payment is processed. The moth flies back into my wallet and I put it back in my pocket.

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Apple propaganda notwithstanding, the reason tower PCs are big isn’t because they’re outdated. The reason tower PCs are so bulky is because they’re designed to be user serviceable. The case has lots of open space so your big, meaty hands can easily access all of the components, and everything is secured with friction-fit tabs and standard machine screws to minimise the need for specialised tools. A properly laid out tower PC is fully serviceable with a single Phillips-head screwdriver and no greater manual skill than your average Lego playset – heck, for some of the more modern case layouts you don’t even need the screwdriver, unless you’re performing major surgery like a full motherboard replacement.

Like, think about who benefits from convincing you that a fully modular computing device that can be serviced and repaired with your bare hands and minimal technical skill is unfashionable.

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Your significant other just revealed their true form to you. You knew already, and are trying to hide the fact that it was a big reason why you were dating them.

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It's been over a month since your manager was possessed by a demon. Yet, instead of fetching the nearest priest or throwing a bucket of holy water at them, you and your coworkers have just rolled with it, as the demon is WAY more bearable to work under.

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whumpees being used as decoration, surrounded by enemies:

handcuffed to a chair in the middle of a room where a business meeting is taking place.

dressed in black tie, and then tied and gagged at the head of the table as whumper conducts a fancy dinner party.

pinned to a wall of an office or living room or private study like a butterfly under a case, hands impaled and bleeding freely.

left to dangle from their wrists in a public location, under an arch or a stairway maybe.

kept in a hanging cage in a trophy room amidst the tokens of whumper's previous conquests.

chained to the foot of a throne, forced to kneel at all times, a permanent reminder of whumper's absolute power over both them and the realm they just won.

lugged around to wherever Whumper happens to want to take them, led to parties or events via a leash attached to a collar, hands bound behind their back so they can't even brace their fall if Whumper tugs too hard.

left overnight in a public place, tied to a fencepost or dangling from a tree branch. everyone knows exactly who left them there, and who they belong to, and so no one would dare touch them to help.

tied up and used as a human dartboard in some seedy beer hall.

restrained in a brutally demanding stress position and left to wobble and pant and squirm in a lobby or entrance of some underground organization as a reminder of what happens to anyone who tries to doublecross the boss.

the helplessness of any of these positions, of being poked and prodded by passersby or henchmen, especially people who whumpee has had the upper hand against in the past. now reduced to just sitting/standing there and being left at the mercy of whoever walks by.

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Whumper dialogue, but it's me trying to find my keys in my purse:

"Please don't make this difficult."

"I'm going to find you, so you might as well come out."

"Why do you always do this!?"

"Where are they... WHERE ARE THEY!?"

"There you are. And to think you were right under my nose this whole time."

"If this happens again, I'm buying a chain."

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I found an old rusty USB in the basement today should I see if anything’s on it

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netflix subtitles are great for when you want to read a caption with like 50% resemblance to what's being spoken

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Honest question: Why do pop culture references work and get a laugh in things like Shrek, but in others they just come across as just being lame and forced? What makes a pop culture reference work? 

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One of the top superheroes in the city is actually powerless, and it blows everyone's mind. Nobody knows how they do it until an event unfolds, forcing them to reveal they'd never been powerless.

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A hero saves a wolf who had been tangled in a trap, unaware the wolf wasn't a normal wolf. A few days later, while fighting with the villain, an entire pack of wolves comes out of nowhere to assist.