rainsfalling-shitposts

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“average person eats 3 spiders a year” factoid actualy just statistical error. average person eats 0 spiders per year. Spiders Georg, who lives in cave & eats over 10,000 each day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted

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the girlies when they make their freaky rambling posts that get 0 notes

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I just found the earliest email I ever sent from my email address, and it’s the funniest goddamn thing I can possibly imagine a fourth grader sending her teacher:

(Context - my fourth grade teacher was on maternity leave, and the state of the classroom fish tank was dire under the substitute teacher’s tyrannical rule. The class convened at recess, and decided to inform our (24yo, new mother) former teacher of the situation. I was selected as the duly appointed representative for this solemn communication.)

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This is my favourite interview strategy

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why are you googling pregnancy tests and abortions. Are you doing research for a scrampire mpr

The most humbling thing that's ever happened to me is someone thinking it's more likely that I am writing Sesame Street MPreg than me having sex in real life.

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i need to eat a food. none of the food in the house is The Right Food. what is the right food? only god knows. and we're not on speaking terms right now.

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Somehow I went my whole life thinking that The Metamorphosis, by Kafka, was going to be an 800-page tome about a man slowly becoming a beetle. I was surprised to find it’s a short story, and comes on quite suddenly. Which means as a writer I’ve discovered a gap in the market for a soul-crushingly long beetle story

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can someone drown this post i wanna go for a swim

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they used to do all types of bullshit to flat stanley

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I need everyone to know that the ship Götheborg, the world's largest ocean-going wooden sailing ship, answered a distress call the other day.

Imagine waiting for the coast guard or whatever to show up and instead a replica of 18th century merchant ship pulls up and tows you to the coast.

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guys aren't comically getting their red heart covered boxers exposed after they get their pants pulled down anymore. Due to wokeness

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Put a / in the year you were born, so we will have an average age

Before 1990: //////

1990:////

1991://////

1992:////////////

1993://///////////////

1994:////////////////////

1995: //////////////////////////////////////

1996: /////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

1997: /////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

1998: ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

1999: ///////////////////

2000: //

After 2000: /

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this tweet and ratio are sending me lmaoo

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