rahullikesthings

[rahullikesthings]

I guess I have to do one of these year-end reflections again. I’ve done them the past five years. They were initially just so I can post some music rankings, but later on I think I got a lot out of treating these like a journal. I don’t have anything obvious to say about 2018, which to be honest is a good thing. Overall, for me, it was a positive year. There’s nothing super obvious that stands about but nothing negative either. I think that’s because the foundation of my life mentally, socially, career-wise is finally being settled and that’s an incredible thing for me but also on the surface not too exciting. I did some traveling – Florence, Vienna, Mexico City. Is it worth doing? Absolutely. But, man, I really don’t like traveling alone. I got passed at my first comedy club. I found a new group of friends. I feel like I checked a bunch of accomplishments off my list. There’s still plenty more for next year and beyond, but I have no complaints. 

I was trying to put together these music lists and I realized how strange my relationship with music is today. Music means so much to me but it feels like I have so little time to spend with it. Partly in the attention span sense. Albums come out one week and then another batch drop the following week. It can feel hard to keep up. But really, I literally have so little time to actually listen. I strive to properly listen to everything I give a chance to. No screens, no other distractions. Unless I actually have free time at home at night, my only chances to do so are on my walk to the train station. And even then, it’s hard for my mind not to wander sometimes. So some albums maybe get one listen with 60% of my attention and that’s all they’re going to get. Singles are tricky too. I’ll like a song, throw it in a year-end playlist and maybe get back to it. I rarely ever listen to the radio and I work in fucking San Francisco, so I don’t always know what’s hot at the moment. 

As far as any art and media are concerned, I think I devote the most of my time and thought to TV and movies. I watch literally every tv show and I read all the criticism. I fucking love it. I will also see almost any movie. 

All my rankings are pretty arbitrary. For songs, albums and movies, I really had no obvious number one. Everything is kind of all there. For TV however, I absolutely loved Atlanta, Bojack and Big Mouth and think there’s so much to be said about how great they all are. Teddy Perkins, the Barbershop episode, the funeral episode, the Halloween party, all of Big Mouth. They made me feel all sorts of emotions but their existence alone brought me so much joy.    Best Songs:

Rae Sremmurd “Offshore (feat. Young Thug)” Drake “Nice For What” Don Tolliver “Diva” Migos “Stir Fry” Cardi B “I Like It (feat. Bad Bunny & J Balvin) Jay Rock & Kendrick Lamar “King’s Dead (feat. Future)” Lil Baby & Gunna “Drip Too Hard” Ella Mai “Boo’d Up” 03 Greedo “In My Feelings” Bas “Barack Obama Special” Jeremih & Ty Dolla Sign “The Light” Kodak Black “Calling My Spirit” Future “No Shame (feat. PARTYNEXTDOOR)” Calvin Harris “One Kiss (with Dua Lipa)” Sheck Wes “Mo Bamba” Gucci Mane “Wake Up in the Sky (feat. Bruno Mars & Kodak Black)” Tyga “Taste (feat. Offset)” Drake “Jaded” Pusha T “If You Know You Know” Khalid “Love Lies (with Normani)” Post Malone “Ball for Me (feat. Nicki Minaj)” Bad Bunny “MIA (feat. Drake)” A$AP Rocky “OG Beeper” Alison Wonderland “High (feat. Trippie Redd)” Shawn Mendes “Where Were You In the Morning?”

Best Albums:

Don Tolliver Donny Womack SiR November  Jacquees 4275 Meek Mill Championships Kodak Black Dying To Live Future Beast Mode 2 Tierra Whack Whack World Black Milk FEVER Scallops Hotel Sovereign Nose Of Your Arrogant Face BlocBoy JB Simi Mariah Carey Caution Cardi B Invasion of Privacy Playboi Carti Die Lit Mitski Be The Cowboy Jay Rock Redemption Pusha T DAYTONA Earl Sweatshirt Some Rap Songs Freddie Gibbs Freddie Kevin Gates Luca Brasi 3 Black Thought Streams of Thought Vol. 2 The Weeknd My Dear Melancholy, Lil Wayne Tha Carter V Ella Mai Ella Mai Saba CARE FOR ME Jeremih & Ty Dolla $ign Mih-Ty

Best Beats:

Pusha T “The Games We Play” (Kanye West, Andrew Dawson)  Black Milk “DiVE” (Black Milk) Tierra Whack “Hookers” (Nick Verruto) Earl Sweatshirt “Cold Summers” (Earl Sweatshirt) Cardi B “Money Bag” (J. White Did It) Playboi Carti feat. Nicki Minaj “Poke It Out” (Pi’erre Bourne) Future “Walk On Minks” (Zaytoven) Kendrick Lamar & Travis Scott “Big Shot” (Cardo, Cubeatz, Sounwave, Matt Schaeffer) Drake “Nonstop” (Tay Keith) SiR feat. ScHoolboy Q “Something Foreign” (Saxon) IDK feat. Domo Genesis “GOOD NEWS” (Sap) Ariana Grande “get well soon” (Pharrell) 03 Greedo “Basehead” (Kenny Beats, Judge Beats) Kodak Black “When Vultures Cry” (Helluva) Snoop Dogg feat. Goldie Loc “220″ (My Guy Mars) Phryme feat. Novel & Summer of 96 “Sunflower Seeds” (DJ Premier) Black Thought “The New Grit” (Salaam Remi) 2 Chainz “OK BITCH” (June James, The Hit Cartel)

Best TV Shows:

Bojack Horseman Big Mouth Atlanta Barry The Deuce Glow The Good Place Narcos: Mexico Ozark Better Call Saul Killing Eve Crashing (HBO) Shark Tank Succession Patriot Act with Hasan Minhaj Single Parents Sorry For Your Loss American Vandal The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel Homecoming Forever Maniac All of Nothing: Dallas Cowboys

Best Movies:

Roma Minding The Gap Black Panther Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse Widows mid90s A Star is Born Game Night A Simple Favor Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald Blindspotting Avengers: Infinity War Mission: Impossible – Fallout Eighth Grade BlackkKlansman A Quiet Place Searching Blockers To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before Incredibles 2 Best Comedy Specials:

Chris Rock: Tamborine Adam Sandler: 100% Fresh Sam Morrill: Positive Influence Tom Segura: Disgraceful Tig Notaro: Happy To Be Here The Degenerates: Big Jay Oakerson The Comedy Lineup / Comedy Central Stand-Up Presents: Tim Dillon Drew Michael John Mulaney: Kid Gorgeous at Radio City Musical Hall Bumping Mics with Jeff Ross and Dave Attell

Previously: 2017 | 2016 | 2015 | 2014 | 2013

[rahullikesthings]

I’ve done these year-end reflections for the last four years, and most of them have been how things went badly and how I hope they get better. I’m happy to say 2017 was a really solid year for me. There’s a whole list of accomplishments I’m proud of, some I had worked towards, some that happened by coincidence. I moved into my own apartment. I got a promotion and two different raises at work. I’ve been booked more than ever since I’ve been doing standup. I started my own show. I’ve made friends, at work and through comedy. And as someone that hasn’t had much of that in a few years, I think it’s helped me be less cynical and paranoid about new acquaintances and relationships whenever they do happen. I met Terrell Owens (kind of a weird dude) and Eric Dickerson (cool guy!) and got that close to Steve Kerr at the Warriors championship parade. 

There’s still plenty more I hope to accomplish, but it’s fair to say this year is the start of an upward trajectory. I’m in a good space mentally and physically. I see people around me progressing and moving forward and I’m super happy for them. I’m thinking of going vegan. There’s people I hope to meet, places I hope to travel to, more achievements to realize. 

As I started to put together these lists, I realized how strange my media intake felt this year. Stuff that happened earlier in the year feels like sooo long ago. There are songs I loved that I forgot were released this year at all. The albums list was tough because there was no clear number one for me but definitely a handful that I really liked. There were more beyond that I thoroughly enjoyed, put in a playlist, and then completely forgot about because I guess that’s what streaming is. “Crew” was easily my favorite song this year. I spend just enough time in car to actually listen to the radio and it was such a cool feeling to hear Shy Glizzy on there. I get psyched and sing along to his verse every. single time. 

I watched a ton of TV this year but, really, no show comes close to American Vandal. The humor, the characters, the depth of the parody, the bingeability. It’s maybe the best representation of high school I’ve ever seen on screen. Quality all around. I don’t know that would tell someone who has never seen Twin Peaks to watch it, but there were three of four moments in this season that were some of the most visceral experiences I’ve ever had watching any TV or movie. Godless was fire. Mindhunter was also great. I thought this final season of The Carmichael Show was nearly perfect. Curb might not have had its best season but I laughed uncontrollably at every scene between Larry and Richard Lewis. The Get Down deserved more. The Deuce was as good as people said, but I think I needed a little something more. Shout out to Shark Tank for always coming through. 

I may have watched more movies this year than in any other year in recent memory (shouts to my Movie Pass). I don’t know that I had an obvious number one, but Lady Bird, Florida Project and Get Out are in that discussion for me. But also Star Wars: The Last Jedi was maybe the greatest movie I’ve ever seen in my life. I’ve spent so much of my life with this franchise, I didn’t think I could be surprised anymore. The throne room scene is one of the coolest things I’ve ever seen, and the audience reaction to Laura Dern’s lightspeed was priceless (every single time). Highlight: Watching Get Out at the Jack London theater in Oakland on opening weekend / Lowlight: not being able to discuss it at work the next day because San Francisco is the whitest, most clueless, most tone-deaf city on Earth. American Made won’t get mentioned a lot but it was one of the more fun experiences I’ve had at the movies. Girls Trip was awesome and hilarious. The Game of Thrones prison scene in Logan Lucky and the Kumail/Ray Romano 9/11 joke in The Big Sick are literally two of the funniest moments in any movie ever. I thought I was over comic book movies, but three ended up on this list. I still can’t tell if I liked Dunkirk.

Here’s to 2018.

Best Songs:

Goldlink “Crew (feat. Brent Faiyaz & Shy Glizzy)” SZA “Supermodel” Tove Love “Disco Tits” Migos “T-Shirt” Playboi Carti “Magnolia” Future “Solo” Sevyn Streeter “Before I Do” Kendrick “Fear” Kelela “LMK” Bruno Mars “That’s What I Like” Ty Dolla $ign “Famous” Adrian Marcel “UKNOWUDO” Miguel “Told You So” 2 Chainz “It’s A Vibe (feat. Ty Dolla $ign, Trey Songz & Jhene Aiko)” A$AP Ferg “Plain Jane” Buddy “Type of Shit (feat. Wiz Khalifa)” Devin the Dude “Are You Goin' My Way?” Frank Ocean “Chanel” Che Ecru “2 Am” Majid Jordan “One I Want (feat. PARTYNEXTDOOR)” Rick Ross “Trap, Trap, Trap (feat. Young Thug & Wale)” Young Thug “Daddy’s Birthday” Vince Stapes “Big Fish” PRETTYMUCH “Open Arms” Wizkid “Come Closer (feat. Drake)”

Best Albums: 

Future HNDRXX Future FUTURE Kelela Take Me Apart Kendrick Lamar DAMN. IDK Iwasverybad Miguel War & Leisure SZA Ctrl Ty Dolla $ign Beach House 3 Jonwayne Rap Album Two Aminé Good For You Mary J. Blige Strength Of A Woman Drake More Life Meek Mill Wins & Losses Jay-Z 4:44 Playboi Carti Playboi Carti Che Ecru buries SiR Her Too Goldlink At What Cost Lou The Human Humaniac Roc Marciano Rosebudd’s Revenge Mozzy & Gunplay Dreadlocks & Headshots Wiki No Mountains In Manhattan milo who told you to think??!!?!?!?! Migos Culture Anna Wise The Feminine: Act II

Best Beats:

Oh No x Tristate “Wind Chime Wizardry” (Oh No) Juelz Santana & Dave East “Time Ticking” (Jahlil Beats) Offset & Metro Boomin “Ric Flair Drip” (Bijan Amir, Metro Boomin)  Future “Solo” (Dre Moon) Iamsu “Shake” (Iamsu) Aminé “Slide” (Jahaan Sweet, Aminé) Kap G “Motivation” (???) Mila J “Fuckboy” (Immanuel Jordan Rich) Jonwayne “Afraid Of Us” (Jonwayne) SZA “Go Gina” (Scum, Lang, Frank Dukes) Milo “Sorcerer” (Kenny Segal) Action Bronson “Bonzai” (Harry Fraud) RJMrLA & DJ Mustard “Hard Way” (DJ Mustard)

Best TV Shows:

American Vandal Mindhunter Godless Twin Peaks: The Return Bojack Horseman The Carmichael Show The Deuce Rick and Morty The Leftovers Master of None Veep Halt and Catch Fire Mr. Robot The Good Place The Get Down Shark Tank Glow Insecure Marvel’s Runaways Lady Dynamite The Defiant Ones All or Nothing  Every scene in Curb Your Enthusiasm between Larry and Richard Lewis

Best Movies:

Star Wars: The Last Jedi Lady Bird The Florida Project Get Out Logan Lucky American Made Logan Girls Trip Hidden Figures The Meyerowitz Stories Molly’s Game The Big Sick Thor: Ragnarok Coco Wonder Woman It The Disaster Artist Jim & Andy: The Great Beyond Spider-Man: Homecoming  Dunkirk The Lost City of Z

Best Comedy Specials:

Louis C.K.: 2017 (I know, I know...) Roy Wood Jr: Father Figure Norm Macdonald: Hitler's Dog, Gossip & Trickery Chris Gethard: Career Suicide Al Madrigal: Shrimpin' Ain't Easy Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King Brent Weinbach: Appealing to the Mainstream  Rory Scovel Tries Stand-Up For The First Time Maria Bamford: Old Baby Erik Griffin: The Ugly Truth Neal Brennan: Three Mics The Standups: Fortune Feimster The Standups: Beth Stelling Marc Maron: Too Real Comedy Central Stand Up Presents: Anthony Devito Comedy Central Stand Up Presents: Sam Jay Joe Mande's Award-Winning Comedy Special Todd Barry: Spicy Honey Ryan Hamilton: Happy Face The Standups: Nate Bargatze 

Previously: 2016 | 2015 | 2014 | 2013

[rahullikesthings]

[rahullikesthings]

When I started my first job out of college, there was this group of new grads that started around the same time. We didn’t directly work together, but we still all would see each other, grab lunch, drinks after work, whatever. Most of them I knew very casually, but a couple of them I was legitimate friends with. I really disliked that job. Literally on day one, I walked in, looked around and thought, “Oh no...” I mostly tried to be as positive, but after a few months it really sunk in that it was not a place I wanted to be, in every sense — that actual job, the career, my living situation. What I remember about those coworkers was that they never felt that way. Even if the job wasn’t perfect, it didn’t really bother them. We were all 21 or 22. They were essentially okay with that being what the rest of their lives would be. That was something I could never comprehend, and I spent the next three years denying that dissatisfaction and stalling any sort of major life change to go in a different direction.

I finally made a change this year. I got a job in San Francisco — after years of trying to do that — that I actually like. I don’t dread going there. I enjoy the work I do and the people around me. I moved out of my parents’ house, out of San Jose, to Oakland. I made excuses for so long about why I couldn’t get a job or couldn’t move that it feels good to have this tangible accomplishment. It’s a nice high to end the year on given I had maybe my darkest moment ever this year. I went to a really bad place when I spent a week alone in New York doing comedy. It’s not a feeling I wish on anyone. But going through an experience like that puts so much in perspective. I think it brought me closer to my parents. I’m probably a better person having gone through it.

It took so long for me to move to the next rung in this ladder that now that I took this step, I really want the momentum to continue. Comedy is still going strong and will only get bigger and better now that I’m officially in the San Francisco scene. I need to learn how to be social as an adult, so I can, you know, be around people more often. That’s a weird thing to navigate. But brighter days are ahead, and I’m proud of the year I had.

Every year I put together this music list and it’s always so random and arbitrary. I realize now my taste might be weird but I think I’m bad at making lists. Views was trash. “One Dance” is still fire. “30 Hours” is maybe one of my favorite Kanye songs ever. I skip most of the songs on Blonde, but the five songs I like I’ve listened to maybe more than any other songs this year. They really were perfect for all the walking alone at night that I did this year. It was a great year for movies: Rogue One, Hell or High Water, Don’t Think Twice, Keanu, Civil War, Arrival in that order. TV, too, obviously. Here’s all my favorite music from 2016.

Best Songs: Drake “One Dance” D.R.A.M. “Broccoli (feat. Lil Yachty)” Rae Sremmurd “Black Beatles (feat. Gucci Mane)” Tinashe “Company” Frank Ocean ”Self Control” Kanye West “30 Hours” YG “FDT (feat. Nipsey Hu$$le)” Kevin Gates “2 Phones” Kanye West “Father Stretch My Hands Pt. 1″ BJ The Chicago Kid “The Resume (feat. Big K.R.I.T.)” Ty Dolla $ign “Hello” Musiq Soulchild “I Do” Chance The Rapper “Juke Jam (feat. Towkio & Justin Bieber) Iamsu! “By My Side” DJ Esco “Married to the Game (feat. Future)” Future ”No Charge” Rihanna “Sex With Me” A Tribe Called Quest “We The People” Young Greatness “Moolah” Jidenna “Little Bit More” Sonny Digital “50 On My Wrist” Kid Ink “Nasty (feat. Jeremih & Spice)” SBTRKT “Bury You (feat. The-Dream)” Kap G “Girlfriend” A$AP Ferg “Psycho”

Best Albums: Frank Ocean Blonde Beyoncé Lemonade Kanye West The Life of Pablo Rihanna ANTI Rae Sremmurd SremmLife 2 Solange A Seat At The Table Future Purple Reign YG Still Brazy Archy Marshall A New Place 2 Drown James Blake The Colour in Anything Dawn Richard Redemption Shy Glizzy Young Jefe 2 Denzel Curry Imperial The Weeknd Starboy Tory Lanez I Told You Kevin Gates Islah Chance The Rapper Coloring Book Bon Iver 22, A Million Maxwell blackSUMMERS’night Schoolboy Q Blank Face LP Aesop Rock The Impossible Kid Kendrick Lamar untitled unmastered Mac Miller The Divine Feminine Noname Telefone Young Thug No, My Name is JEFFERY

Best Beats: Kendrick Lamar “untitled 07 | 2014 - 2016″ (Swizz Beatz’ son) Rihanna “Needed Me” (DJ Mustard, Twice As Nice, Frank Dukes, Kuk Harrell) Rae Sremmurd “Now That I Know” (Mike Will Made It, Scooly, Sparxxx) Iamsu! “Aura” (Zombie on the Track) NxWorries “Wngs” (Knxwledge) Young Jeezy “Bout That” (D. Rich) ScHoolboy Q “Black Thoughts” (Willie B.) Shy Glizzy “You Know What” (Austin Millz) Dave B. “Got It From” (???) Boosie Badazz “Wake Up” (???) D.I.T.C. “Make ‘Em Proud” (D.I.T.C.) Future “Xanny Family” (Metro Boomin, Southside) Kanye West “Fade” (Kanye West, Anthony Kilhoffer, Benji B., Mike Dean, Charlie Handsome, DJDS, Goldstein)

Guest Verses: Jadakiss on Schoolboy Q “Groovy Tony” Chance the Rapper on Kanye West “Ultralight Beam” YG on DJ Mustard “Been A Long Time” Kendrick Lamar on Isaiah Rashad “Wat’s Wrong” Lil Wayne on Solange “Mad” Previously: 2015 | 2014 | 2013

[rahullikesthings]

Top three Ty song don't @ me

[rahullikesthings]

“Black Beatles” is the one, but this one is the one.

[rahullikesthings]

I looked at my year end post from last year and it wasn’t a happy one. That’s because the year wasn’t necessarily a good one, and to be fair 2015 wasn’t any better. But I think I’ve learned to embrace a more positive outlook on things. I live a pretty lonely life. I don’t have friends that I hang out with regularly. To be completely honest, there are moments where you can’t help but dwell in that sadness. That’s not to mention all of the things happening in the world that feel entirely out of your control. And even when you think you’ve been a good person and that you’re due for something good to finally happen, that’s not how the world works no matter how much you really, really want it to be otherwise. But I think I’m able to take those experiences in stride now and understand the bigger picture. This is how things are now and it may not be ideal but there are reasons to feel good. 

My Warriors won (and then won again and again and again). I visited Chicago for the first time. And then to Seattle and Vancouver. For work I went to Pittsburgh, which is cool if you like Panera Bread and loneliness. I’m going to Hawaii for the first time next week. It’s Tuesday and no one has spoiled Stars Wars for me yet. I didn’t quite write as regularly as I promised myself I would. I don’t know that I made a beat at all this year. Comedy has been the point of focus though. I don’t broadcast the stand up stuff much. Maybe like three or four people actually know about it. A year in now, there’s clearly something there. I get that you’re not supposed to think that or say it out loud, but I see the reaction I get from people, from audiences, from established figures in the scene. And this is just year one. You can’t tell me nothing good will come of this.

I don’t know that I felt so close to Future’s music this year because of its themes of isolation or because it felt comforting during my moments of isolation. Those aren’t necessarily mutually exclusive, but I spent a lot of drives listening to 56 Nights. But yeah, for music it was basically Future, one, Earl’s album, two, and then everything else. I watched lots and lots great TV this year, some cool movies. I read 19 books this year and especially loved Scarface’s memoir, Andy Weir’s The Martian, Ta-Nehisis Coates’ Between The World And Me, Don Winslow’s Power of the Dog, Moshe Kasher’s books and David Benioff’s City of Thieves (though, not all of these were published this year). Here’s all my favorite music from 2015.

Best Songs:

Future “March Madness” Future “Now”/”Trap Niggas”/”Stick Talk”/”Never Gon Lose”/”Slave Master”/“News or Somethn” Earl Sweatshirt “Mantra” Fetty Wap “Again” The Weeknd “Can’t Feel My Face” Rich Homie Quan “Flex (Ooh, Ooh, Ooh)” Jeremih “Planes (Social Experiment Remix) [feat. Chance The Rapper]” Jack U “Where Are U Now (with Justin Bieber)” Nicki Minaj “Truffle Butter (feat. Drake & Lil Wayne)” Justin Bieber “Company” Vince Staples “Norf Norf” Kelela “A Message” Tink “I Like” Alessia Cara “Here” Freddie Gibbs “Pronto” Donnie Trumpet & The Social Experiment “Windows” Janet Jackson “No Sleeep” Warren G “Saturday (feat. E-40, Too $hort & Nate Dogg)” Mike WiLL Made It “Drinks On Us (feat. Swae Lee & Future)” Ty Dolla $ign “Horses In The Stable” Cousin Stizz “No Bells” Elijah Blake “Angel Dust” Tamia “Stuck with Me” Jamie xx “I know There’s Gonna Be (Good Times) [feat. Popcaan & Young Thug]” YG “Twist My Fingaz”

Best Albums:

Future/DJ Esco 56 Nights Earl Sweatshirt I Don’t Like Shit, I Don’t Go Outside Future DS2 Vince Staples Summertime ‘06 Future Beast Mode Rae Sremmurd SremmLife Jeremih Late Nights: The Album Rico Love Turn The Lights On Tuxedo Tuxedo Blended Babies The Anderson .Paak EP Miguel Wildheart Sevyn Streeter Shoulda Been There Pt. 1 Dawn Richard Blackheart Meek Mill Dreams Worth More Than Money Jamie xx In Colour The Game The Documentary 2 + 2.5 D’angelo & The Vanguard Black Messiah Heems Eat Pray Thug Bosco BOY Milo So the Flies Don’t Come

Best Beats:

Large Professor “Opulence” (Large Professor) Scarface “Anything” (N.O. Joe) Future “Mach Madness” (Tarentino) The Game feat. Asia Bryant “Just Another Day” (Trevor Lawrence Jr., Theron Feemster) Jeremih feat. Chance The Rapper “Planes (Social Experiment Remix)” (Donnie Trumpet) Kendrick Lamar “Momma” (Knxwledge, Taz Arnold) Meek Mill feat. Swizz Beatz & Jeremin “Classic” (Bangladesh) Miguel “NWA” (Benny Cassette, Miguel) Warren G feat. E-40, Too $hort & Nate Dogg “Saturday” (Warren G) Puff Dady “Finna Get Loose” (Pharrell) Last 20 seconds of Frank Ocean "You Are Luhh"

Best Guest Verses:

Chance The Rapper on Action Bronson “Baby Blue” A$AP Ferg on King Avriel “20′s 50′s 100′s” Twista on Jeremih “Woosah” Too $hort on Warren G  “Saturday” Lil Wayne on Nicki Minaj “Truffle Butter”

Previously: 2014 | 2013

[rahullikesthings]

I’m going to quit my job. This might be the dumbest decision I’ve ever made. If you’ve followed me on Twitter these past few weeks, you’ve probably seen me talk about how stressed I’ve been. I’ve never felt anxiety like this before. It has literally affected my health and well being. This morning I woke up with chest pains, and the first thing I thought was that if this was a serious condition and I had to go to the hospital, I probably wouldn’t be responsible for the project I was working on at work. This clearly isn’t healthy.

In college I studied electrical engineering and computer science. My parents suggested I majored in something technical and I picked this pretty arbitrarily. I actually thought I was going the EE route, but the way the curriculum works and the fact that software companies went through a huge boom and that all my friends did CS led me down the computer science path. I literally remember the exact day, sitting in the lecture hall for CS61B, when I decided I didn’t care for what I was learning. It was my sophomore year, and for whatever reason I didn’t think I could switch to something else. What would that something else have been? Berkeley has literally the top CS program in the world. Those classes take so much out of you. Homework that takes the entire week. Projects that take 25, 30 hours. Going into college, I had been making beats for a couple years, and I remember thinking I was going take music to the next level. But when you spend all day on a computer, it’s tough to look back at the same screen even for a hobby you enjoy. Even when I forced myself to take my keyboard and try something new, I was too drained to feel even slightly creative. In retrospect, I remember taking classes outside of my major and feeling a real interest for them, wanting to go to class, enjoying talking to the teachers. I don’t know why the lightbulb didn’t go off then. 

My job isn’t supposed to be stressful. Sprints are broken down so each member of the team is doing enough work for the time allotted. But estimates are sometimes wrong, and those tasks need to get done because those deliverables were promised. And bugs are usually introduced mid-sprint and they need to get fixed. As a startup, things get hectic. These things happen. Then there’s a feature that our newest customer may want. Can you see if this is feasible? This is on top of my hour and a half long commute. I get in at 8:30, leave at 6 or 7 and then get asked to check something when I get home. It’s taken a lot out of me. Again, it’s not supposed to be stressful. When I brought up to my boss feelings of anxiousness I had after trying and failing with a task, he was pretty shocked. I don’t think my co-workers feel this way. They’re busy too, but I don’t know if they feel stressed. Because, well, it’s not supposed to be like that. But the pressure I’ve felt this month has literally affected me physically. I was always a very motivated student until I started doing this. It’s not the feelings of stress or pressure I’m running away from. It’s the idea that I felt joy and excitement out of other things I did even during those periods.

I’ve known since that day in class that this wasn’t the career for me. In my head, I had figured I would do this for four or five more years but not after that. Something would happen. It would get figured out — whether it was music or comedy or whatever. I’ve come to the conclusion today that I might as well make that change now. Because even if the stress from this current stuff wears off, it will come back. That’s just how this job works. It’s a difficult decision because it is a job that pays me well, and who knows they may even successfully exit in a few years. I like to think things happen for a reason. I had been looking for a place in San Francisco for maybe six months now, and things just kept coming up, deals fell through. Maybe that was for the better?

I have no idea what I’m going to do. I have no plan. It’s still too early in my comedy career to put all the eggs in that basket. I really enjoyed writing for the Daily Cal. And the undergrad class I took at Berkeley’s J-School was maybe my favorite class in all my college career. So, yeah, writing would be a great opportunity. Those jobs don’t seem to be that easy to get (holla atcha boy if you know something). 

I’ve been freaking out the last half hour because I don’t know what I’m going to. I do think I need this. Hopefully, this pressure points me in the right direction and I’m able to find something. I honestly think this will be good for me. 

[rahullikesthings]

[rahullikesthings]

[rahullikesthings]

Snoop Dogg - Edibles (feat. T.I.)

The Neptunes back.

[rahullikesthings]

Janet Jackson - “Discipline”

[rahullikesthings]

Lyrica Anderson - “Feenin” (Prod. by Timbaland)

[rahullikesthings]

2014 seemed to happen really quickly. It probably wasn’t my greatest year. I guess the first full year out of college will do that to you. I quit the job that I really hated. I started a job that’s better but, you know, still one I don’t necessarily want to be doing. I didn’t write as much as I’d hoped. The music thing has kind of stalled. But I did start doing standup, and that I’m really proud of. It’s rewarding and terrifying and so difficult and just depressing sometimes, but I’m glad I’m doing it. I got to visit New Orleans (pictured above) too, which was awesome.

These last couple months could have gone better. It’s been kind of lonely to be totally honest. Friends have disappeared. Work is very stressful, and my day-to-day process feels like it’s becoming this lifeless stupor. I’ve wanted to make some major changes for a while now. Ideally, they go through at the start of the new year.

From a pop culture standpoint, I feel like my favorite moments all happened on television. There were a bunch of new shows, comedies mostly, that I so thoroughly enjoyed - Enlisted, Broad City, Black-ish, You’re The Worst, Transparent, Review, Silicon Valley, Fargo. Not that music had that much of a down year. You had Tinashe, Rich Gang, YG, Rae Sremmurd, Vince Staples. The biggest moments just don’t seem that significant anymore, and whether that’s because the music wasn’t really thatgood or because I’m getting older is something I’m trying to figure out. But because I force myself to every year, here are lists of all the music I enjoyed from 2014. (Yes, that’s a Danity Kane song.)

Best Songs:

T.I. feat. Young Thug “About The Money” Vince Staples “Nate” Beyonce “XO” Rae Sremmurd “No  Type” Tinashe feat. Schoolboy Q “2 On” Paramore “Ain’t It Fun” Migos “Fight Night” Future feat. Young Scooter “Special” Rico Love “They Don’t Know” Drake “0 to 100 / The Catch Up” YG feat. Drake “Who Do You Love?” Nicki Minaj feat. Jeremih “Favorite” Bobby Brackins feat. Mila J & G-Eazy “Hot Box” Vic Mensa “Down On My Luck” Charli XCX “Doing It” Usher “Good Kisser” Black Milk “Story and Her” PARTYNEXTDOOR “Options” Sage the Gemini feat. Iamsu! “Go Somewhere” Kehlani “F.W.U.” Jessie Ware “12 [Demo]” E-40 “Choices (Yup)” Coldplay “Midnight” Zendaya “Fireflies” Michael Christmas “Y’all Trippin” Danity Kane “Tell Me”

Best Albums:

YG My Krazy Life Tinashe Aquarius Rich Gang Rich Gang: The Tour, Part 1 Run The Jewels Run The Jewels 2 Black Milk If There’s A Hell Below Omarion Sex Playlist Vince Staples Hell Can Wait Nicki Minaj The Pinkprint DJ Quik The Midnight Life Charli XCX Sucker Adrian Marcel Weak After Next Migos No Label 2 FKA twigs LP1 Iamsu! Sincerely Yours BJ the Chicago Kid The M.A.F.E Project Future Honest 100s IVRY King Louie Tony Les Sins Michael Jessie Ware Tough Love

Best Beats:

Vince Staples “Nate” (Scoop Deville) Tinashe “2 On” (DJ Mustard, Redwine, DJ Marley Waters) Jhene Aiko “Spotless Mind” (No I.D.) Iamsu! “Stop Signs” (Tha Bizness) DJ Quik “Back That Shit Up” (DJ Quik) Beyonce “Partition” (Key Wane, Dean, Boots)

Best Guest Verses:

Too Short on Iamsu! “T.W.D.Y.” Chance the Rapper on SZA “Child’s Play” Dreezy on Common “Hustle Harder” Kreayshawn on The Grouch & Eligh “Hella Fresh” Young Thug on T.I. “About The Money”

I wish these songs were a thing:

Iamsu! feat. 50 Cent & Jay Ant “Show You” French Montana feat. Chinx Drugz & Cheeze “Millionaire Thoughts” YG feat. DJ Mustard “Left, Right” Clyde Carson “No Sleep”

Previously: 2013

[rahullikesthings]

All right, so I did it. It didn't totally go as I had planned. But I got it out of the way. The open mic took place at a bar, which, of course, isn't an ideal place for comedy. Yes, people are drinking, but it was a Monday and they were all there to watch the game so no one was actually drunk. And it was a Monday, so there wasn't really anyone there. By the time I went on, there were maybe 25 people — 15 of them comics all bunched up in the back of the room, the rest at the bar not even facing the stage. 

It was tough to watch some of the people that went up before me. Some knew they were bad. Some were just up there because someone gave them a time slot, which I didn't really get. Some were just awful, and that was tough to sit through. Some had great stage presence and even then some of the jokes didn't connect. Still, those ones were fun to watch. The guy that went before me sang this totally ridiculous song, and while it could have worked in an alt room somewhere, it was just bad. The host was really great, clearly a seasoned enough comic. I'm grateful that someone is actually organizing an event like this. 

I felt better as the night went along. It was really easy to think that my shit was better than what some of these guys had. But literally as soon as I got on stage, I got sooo nervous. I was shaking, and for whatever reason I'm still feeling some of that anxiousness. I bumbled through and fucked up my first joke. There were a few jokes that got absolutely no reaction from the crowd. I ended up finishing way before my time was up, and I feel like I messed up there. Got a couple laughs, though, and a "that's so true," so maybe it wasn't so bad. 

I did NOT expect to be so nervous. They say the first couple years of doing comedy is just getting comfortable on stage. I do get nervous on certain occasions, but I always felt okay getting in front of classmates or larger assemblies. I'm glad I did it though, and now I know I have shit to work on.

[rahullikesthings]

Tonight was supposed to be the night. I was prepared. I played how it would turn out over and over again in my head. I even stepped out of the office every couple hours today to rehearse. It was going to be okay, but more importantly it was finally going to happen. Tonight, I was supposed perform my first stand up set and begin my 10,000 hours of comedy. It didn't happen. 

Technically, I had an excuse. I work in Palo Alto. I picked a place in Mountain View, sort of close to the office. Online, people had nothing but good things to say about the place. It's a coffee shop but apparently is well conducive to the open mic experience. And then I got there, and it was literally just a coffee shop. I checked upstairs to see if there was a special set up. Nope, just more tables. I came down to find the line for the sign up sheet having formed. That's when I realized this wasn't going to be my grand entrance into the comedy world. There were mics set up on a makeshift stage for whoever wanted to sing a song to a bunch of people having conversations and writing term papers, but I stuck around. Then I talked to the employee with the sign up sheet, and he admitted that this wasn't the greatest environment for comedy, specifically describing the crowd as "lukewarm." (There was also a slightly annoying request to keep it clean.)

I made up some excuse about how I wanted to be able to get on before 8pm but since there were no slots left, I just took off. I even gave it lots of thought. I wrote jokes. Obviously I think they're funny, but the point of doing this for the first time is to see if they're actually funny. It takes a lot to get on stage and perform original material. Ideally it takes place in an environment made for that material. I want to tell jokes to people that expect jokes — which is not so easy to do in the South Bay. 

Should I have stayed? Maybe. The larger issue here is how my constant second-guessing leads to self sabotage. But I'm also publishing this to keep myself accountable. Fuck the excuses. Fuck being scared. 

[rahullikesthings]

Chief Keef Laughs (for 5 minutes)