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[rabbit-pieces]

Imma just be transparent. I think I'm giga depressed. I think you are or were giga depressed. I think overtime you just got used to being toxic and saying hurtful things. I think your genuine frustrations mixed in combinations to the times you were splitting. So you contradicted yourself a lot. So overtime I just didn't know what you want. When I eventually asked you for help. You just berated me. And so I tried to stay calm and patient for you to understand me or listen. And I am aware you did. But honestly. More than understanding me, you just invalidated my reasons rather than put effort in the areas I was struggling. Eventually I desperately needed you but you constantly said you didn't wanna talk to me. And even if you did, you constantly told me how I hurt you when you hurt me so fucking much I genuinely wanted to kill myself. No bs. No cope. No lie. Because I felt so incredibly hated. And just like you didn't care how I felt. I think if you truly understood me, you wouldn't have told me all of these reassurance methods that no longer played a role in our relationship anymore. But you would have tried to be like hey, Dev, I know you're trying, i shouldn't tell you your words are for malicious intent. I shouldn't just say I don't wanna talk about this anymore just because what you said was hurtful. I do want you to talk to me Dev and I will try to make it easier for you to understand and feel like you have a safe place to speak your concerns. Not even for just me, for you too. I mean for someone who gets belittled almost every argument, I get frustration in telling me how you feel is fine but constantly, taking what I say and telling me all these reasons you have to disprove my emotions. Or just outright ignoring that I needed you, as much as you needed me. To help me, instead of yelling at me for struggling to do the right thing. And ya Arianna, you needed time, and I asked for time before you did. Now I think we need time. I love you and will always be here for you

But how you treated me isn't working together, as a couple, to find our mutual goals. I think that's what you missed. I understood you. But you neglected how I felt to a point I could only emotionally fail. Fuck the pity but this has easily been the worse days of my fucking life. At least when you cheated on me you took responsibility and I could see your genuine effort and desire to make it right. When you never spent time with me you owned that. And how much time did I give you? So fucking long. So god damn long to a point I felt like you did. More words, that filled my soul with hope only to be let down again and again. But I gave you so many chances, I waited months, to a point years. I let that cycle continue for so long I didn't know what to do. Other than to keep my emotional distance but continue to love you.

And honestly, I think this is the worse ending. Because as much as you say I don't understand or perhaps not even care. At least I tried for you. Because if we both tried for each other. And we still couldn't become united within our dreams to manifest into our reality. At least we mutually loved each other. Because your love turned sour. It was no longer a failure between desire and practice. As much as you hated me leaving you. I really made it clear how much it hurt me. You promised me that you would never put me through anything remotely like that again. But I can't remember pain worse than this. When I needed you most, you shunned me. Then told me all the wrong things I did to you. When. You. Constantly. Contradicted. Your promises. Your standards. Your needs. Your desires. If you want me. If you hate me. Letting you play victim to every single thing and bashing me for every single mistake. When you tell me I'll fail and I try 'apparently'. So what? Me saying I love you randomly hurt you? Like it didn't fucking hurt me every single time you didn't say it back. But I threw my ego aside time and time again. Honestly, I would have preferred if you told me if you were a chronic cheater and cheated on me again. Because at least then I'd have reasons to believe you still love me. You can call me a dumbass, or someone who's never tried 'apparently'. Someone who will never understand you. Not long before, you said I did. What changed? Something in you. Because if you understood me. You'd know, I'd do anything for you, so long as I have your loyalty and love. And certainly one of those were missing. You can counter argue things you did the past but they never reached the end. But the part you don't understand. Is that if you communicated with me in a way, or provided in the areas where I needed it most. Because I never said your love was absent (before). But instead of saying 'oh but I talk about you, I do so much for you, I say I love you' if instead of trying to battle me, if you helped me where I struggled before it came to 'this shit to happen'. Maybe we could have worked together for something beautiful. Instead of battling to ruins

And fyi Ari, the pain you have put me through, emotionally, how many times you have ripped my heart out of my chest but I kept my calm for you. You really shouldn't play those games. Because for so long my entire persona was for you and even when we were in the frontlines of war against each other. I played my heart was your pawn so many times. And god forbid I tell you how much that hurts because you'll never hear the end of it and then that'll be the end I ever hear from you. Because as brutal as you were. I never thought of leaving. But its so hard, to not miss you, even when you are yelling at me how it doesn't feel like you have a boyfriend while we are dating. But I know I love you enough to not phase me. But ya, your love really turned that sour, to always play victim. And don't put any effort into things he is saying while you constantly berate him for trying, failing, trying, failing,.trying, failing until you are so angry, sorry, meant 'disappointed'. In how 'frustrating' he is. For being constantly broken by the one that says she loves him. How his efforts deserve no thanks and you might as well call me a moron for not understanding a single contradiction you made. Your love, my love, could have ended in so many ways. But there's no fucking way you can ever fucking tell me, if you were the one in my position we would have lasted half as long. I loved you beyond any frustration you had with me. Beyond any desolation you felt. Despite the one who is supposed to dance with me is screaming at me and then turns her head the other way. Bro. If I contradicted myself as much as you, told you the things you told me. Put zero effort into the things you 'understand'. And invalidated your feelings so fucking often. Blocked you. Removed you. No fucking denying you would have dropped me so much sooner that it never would have started. So I don't wanna hear your bs 'efforts' or how much this hurt or anything I've said that hurts when you can't even say 'I love you' back because I won't msg you first. When you literally, took 24 hours to respond, to the conversation we were already fucking having, until you left to walmart for 24 hours. When I endured that the ENTIRE BEGINNING OF OUR RELATIONSHIP OF YOU NOT SPENDING TIME WITH ME MANY MANY FUCKING TIMES OF ME SAYING IT AND YOU KNEW IT. guess I'll have to spend another birthday without you, was hoping it would be with you in person but ig you didn't want to meet me for whatever fucking reason until Yeti buying the ticket lmao. but you know I want to met you, I just want it to be the best it could be lmaooooooooo. I either don't understand right, or 'I don't care.' I don't care? bro I love when you say that stupid shit, because it genuinely shows how fucking delusional you are.

[rabbit-pieces]

Can we not be poplar opposites?

~ Speed? While being sped? Drifting? But I'm not dead? Odd. But. I play with odysseys, even if its odd from me. fuck your safety nets, race to vets but they raise the checks, going fast, but I can't out pace time. Pet(s) allowed past gates? How can I not relate? Ah, life is just a game. Money has its price, even if it can't be replaced.  Wishing, wish, wish you know your limits but still scared to resist. Ah but that's why you refuse to acknowledge yourself, placing faith in gods that pluck strings of life because you are born with a mother find yourself lonely like the coffins 6 feet under. Relating, but indifferent to the conscious that brings you around the surroundings you mutter with no hope. But no place is quiet enough to rid of the sounds. So they place another dollar sign on another life so precious, curse what they did to mine, travesty awaits a skewed perception, your reception is only one way, adrenaline rush, eyes with rushed clarity, bloodied clothes, with your withered rose, sentiment was struck but left in the dust. Distracted as it were, you fail to hear those same grim felt tears, that plucked the strings from your heart, as no god can accompany them with power or resources, time is of the essence and we all spent ours to save yours. Self-pity, is really a pity, when the you are always reminded, the rain has ceased and we are graced with another beautiful day, but you are not here to see it.

[rabbit-pieces]

you threw that key, burned that bridge, pointed your finger with shots fired, could never, throw away, something so precious to me, could never recognize myself, had I prevented you from getting to me if there wasn’t another way, And even though you are were just so agonizing to me I kept my shots close

[rabbit-pieces]

it’s disgusting, even in our first arguments, you would take any, leverage at all, and guilt me, *EVEN THOUGH THE CONVERSATION WASN’T EASY FOR ME ALREADY*, I mean, how exactly would you feel to question the legistics of someone you love, its not really easy yet I brought honesty because I valued you, and then I was guilted, understand i literally explained to you how I felt and you threw it in the shit immediately, and then get mad at *ME* for leaving?

You never valued my time, the only time you would ever argue with recently is when you fucking lie out your ass even over some petty shit and the moment the truth is out, you just dgaf anymore, which really resonates with your apologies, and time given, because it was always the complete fuckijng bare minimum, Casey has spent more time than you with me within the first week of meeting him over mine and your entire history, he’s also played games outside of League with me *cough cough* me playing Genshin for you *cough cough* 

[rabbit-pieces]

I didn’t necessarily lie, but things happen, things change, and so what seemed to be end of a relationship (not referring to romantic just all across the board of people I’ve came across) I’ve never exactly bated an eye of being gone for good.

But with you, there just was no redeemption arc, it was just a game with you. Its been nothing more of a pipe dream and even though I sounded like the moron and getting abused fucktard of the year, I still nurtured the idea of your growth. So much so, I genuinely believe that others felt that way towards you. But every single time. You lie to me. And over petty shit, you would deadass lie to me over League of u getting boosted, like are you fucking serious dude? Really? You realize I smurf and boost all the time right? Like do you really think of me as some idiot that would just believe you have the worse spacing I’ve seen in my life and you would just pick up Draven in whom has a learning curve.

Draven isn’t really that hard no but he’s not a pick up champ unless your fundamentals are at least somewhat decent especially not for getting to gold and u are just somehow a gold player after your first game.

You literally don’t even build dirk on your first back when u play with Skire and Casey, and you also don’t  buy blue trinket at 20 minutes.Blue trinket isn’t really a must, by any means, but the guy who uses ur account clearly uses that shit religiously and i use it most games when I’m adc because you shouldn’t need stealth wards with a half decent or awake support. It also amazes me that you would deadass say mutual friends is a thing, but this guy has mutual friends out the fucking ass and yet they never play with each other. Makes zero sense, yet you think I’m that gulliable.

The first thing I wrote to you, the first thing I said to you, I think you should go reread it, because I honestly should have just told your ass goodbye there, I loved you to death but love is just a game and you couldn’t do anything as basic as telling me the truth.

Its funny, neither Casey nor you could tell me the truth when I’ve only ever been deadass honest with both of you. It really demonstrates what trying to be a good person gets you. Nothing but two people who abuse your kindness for their own personal gain. And no matter how many chances and love you give them, its never any different.

[rabbit-pieces]

I think its funny

how u think everything is fine, even when u run away and hide, even when u switch up and lie, I think its funny u are fooled by your own disguise, how you try to tie it all together, just so it'll stick through the weather, even when ur whittled down a feather, even when as you listened to heather,

just to make yourself feel better

just to think what you feel is real, as if this slippery slope, is a different road, as if you are oblivious to where it will go, u know where this will end, as soon as it begins, from what you came before, the dawn is setting, you're running out of time. You know it. I know it, so you ask for help, just to return to your former self, it aint no mystery, you’re just power tripping history, until we get can rid of this tether

but it will never end until me or you are dead. Because these two characters, we decided to play, can no longer coexist, because you drained the life support you had, trying to become someone better, but that person never existed, because it was just a mask, you couldn't replace, with the one that lasts forever. deep inside. behind every door you shut, is the person you reside, you will never escape from, the hole you dig yourself under. I surrendered my heart, just to pull you up, and you played your part, in teaching me what its like, to let go of a dream that you had, with two different personalities. That manifested your reality, for what seemed that you both wanted. But my heart was just the key, for the treasure you wanted underneath. And finally that spark, in me and you. Has lit the room for me to see, it was never just me and you, its always just been about you and whoever you changed for. ur dog shit lies over the smallest things. Do whatever you please, because I’m not attached to you, any longer, not to be your friend, not to be your best friend, not to be your boyfriend, not to be your husband, not to be your significant other, not to be anything except the memory you left behind, just to continue your petty lies, just so you can drench yourself in the guilt, that you lost something that would have lasted forever. Even if we weren’t together, I would u have loved you with all my heart until the end.

I am not your sweet little retard, I had never dying love, but it seems that wasn’t enough for you to love me back.   Goodbye. Farewell, I wish you the best, because I clearly don’t change you enough to have that impact upon you. I hope the fire burns you, you’ll love that pain, and I’ll enjoy that warmth. Because your heart was more flammable than it was worth loving. And why would I care about making my own fires for warmth when ur dumbass would cause ur own suffering

[rabbit-pieces]

Talk yo shit nigga

[rabbit-pieces]

We could have been together, think about it.

you ruined it now, I hope you can’t sleep and dream about it

and when you dream, I hope you can’t sleep and scream about it

I hope your conscience eats at you and you can’t breathe without me.

[rabbit-pieces]

My Everything <3

it’s… so cold. so cold. because no one told you to bring a towel, because no one said, you’d be swimming. in regret, in the past, in the present, in the rain. they told you over and over. not to take strolls in the past. well.

you liked the flowers in that garden. and some people are there in lawn chairs that aren’t here now. that sing lullabies you can’t listen to anymore. that bake cookies you haven’t tasted in years. that when seen, make you smile from tear to tear.

don’t forget the ones, that offset your heart’s rhythm. that bought love a new meaning, that stole your breath away, when they kissed you. we can miss these things. we can cherish these memories.

so, please don’t judge this liquor choice, and please don’t judge our temper. because the flowers here are wilted. and the air here… is cold and oh so lonely.

so cold that the sweat on your skin crystalizes. as it tightens. while you panic, with your hand around your neck. squeezing it, like the tube of frosting you held, when you were ten. guided by, your grandma’s hand. all the while squeezing your eyes tight. like you did in the third grade, with your old friends that told you, if you squeezed them hard enough you’d see static. then you rock and rock in place. except it’s you holding yourself this time. not your mother. in the hand opposite of the one grasping your neck, you clutch a white blanket. that shines so bright under this moon’s light. repelling tears as they repel down themselves. you feel the wind letting up now. becoming less of a monsoon, drop by drop.

so you grab your head. because there is still some excavating to do. no one told you, there would be arsenic in the glasses you drank from, that there would be people. meant. to hurt you. or that your ship would grow holes in it. they told you. life isn’t easy. they said life is hard.

NO ONE TOLD ME, LIFE WAS A BREEZE, OR ONCE THAT THINKING LIKE THIS WASN’T A DISEASE. THEY PROMISED THERE WOULDN’T BE MUCH SUNSHINE, THAT PEAKS THROUGH THE CLOUDS AND OVER WHAT IS MINE. I’VE BEEN LEAD TO BELIEVE THIS LIFE IS NOT DIVINE. AND THAT THE VINES HURT AS THEY CLIMB. WHEN THEY DIG THEIR THORNS INTO YOUR SIDE. WHEN THEY USE YOUR BLOOD TO FEED THEIR BLOOMS. THAT YOU COULD FEEL SO CONSUMED. BY WHAT THEY EMIT, THEIR PERFUME. because it’s beautiful. if you would just open your mind. to the soft pastel petals that only look like thorns. you could be surrounded by daisy’s and lilies. instead you let others decide whats right and wrong for you.

instead you cover yourself with layers of pain. to keep yourself temporarily warm. a kind of sign for help, and an unhealthy procrastinated way to cope with your demons. while you selfishly desire and wait for someone. thinking they can thaw you. praying they can find you.

you should learn how to make your own fires. but wouldn’t it be so much. warmer. with her. wouldn’t there be so more. light. with her. yes, she can build the stakes. to fortify your home. yes, she can be the brick wall. to lean on. she can be. the one.

but where is she, you ask? not in your fucking room. where you sit in this gloom. in front of a screen. jacking it to a taste that could be seen, as very obscene. smashing your fingers into a damn keyboard, laughing, with friends, while at the same time you feel bored. then you pity yourself, when you are the fucking idiot responsible for this kind of health. and you are a love sick fool. missing someone you haven’t even met yet, maybe she just drowned in a pool. and look at you, you sat. in a chair. when you could have been there. to save her, to be her’s.

[rabbit-pieces]

I had a dream tonight where I went back to you but you stepped on me and told me to go away. And so I did confused on what both of us meant

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It’s all Chaos and I am in the middle waiting for my time to move from the fire. Nothing is important enough to save because it’ll end up causing more pain than good anyways

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My favorite part is that you would cut us both just to see me bleed. You really have stoop to a new level of low. The lack of maturity is beyond my belief, but highlights that my feelings were warranted. And creates a new perspective of uncertainty of your character as immature and unfaithful to your own choice of words.

And that gives me closure to move on. Knowing I didn’t abandon someone who was in love with me. But even so someone who loves me. Everything you said before is falling apart, just as flimsy as your last promises and words of progression

You have fallen yet again I will not be used again to kiss the cuts you inflicted on yourself in attempt to wound others and me. I told you if you betrayed my trust again it was over. And this is a promise I will see through. Not just for my protection. But for you to understand, love is broken from your faulty foundations. Not because of lack thereof. But you know this, otherwise you wouldn’t try so hard to run from it. And I’m proud to stand my ground from someone who tries to convince me and to themselves they are happy in their attempts to inflict misery.

[rabbit-pieces]

Goodbye Ariana

Truly, everything is of your connivence. You would accuse me of false commitment when I've never seen you committed to anything. And it's so painfully clear that I've done more than what you deserve. You always are there to tell me "I love you" whenever you are seen to be a bitch. Even more frequently you act like a bitch whenever any excuse justifies it. Just so you can unleash a character much more fitting to be you but excuses its behavior. You are a master mind of mixing fiction in with the truth, so much so that I think you are starting to fool yourself. You are just a shadow, I don't even think you know yourself, you wouldn’t even be able to recognize yourself if you starred yourself down in the mirror without all the things you do to imply someone you are not. enough to say who you are or what you want because you've never been consistent with it. Not with me, not with anyone. You hide the truth from everyone you love because you claim its not you. And you don't want to be labeled as such. But you are still a liar, a cheater, someone who is irrational, a very big hypocrite, you are vengeful, dare I say hateful but that may just be you. At this point idfk. You say that you are happy but like everything else you've always contradicted that with your behavior. You've never been consistent, you've never been reliable. Not even to yourself. You would fuck your own life up only to regret it later because that's what you do. You think you are okay, you think you are fine, until you suddenly you regret everything you lost, everything you've become. Your self image is always ruined when called a child and your behavior changes because of it. Only to prove otherwise for the time being or unleashing hell and marinating the point with blood caused by cuts in your crazy "imma black out in crazy bitch mode stages" But when you calm down :(.You are only there to improve your self-image, but not yourself.

You have the audacity to claim you are happy when you are here to cause me emotional harm. Surely this isn't the same person who told me I could take as much time away as I wanted? Surely this isn't the same person who told me that they weren't going to leave "home"? Surely this isn't the same person who told me I make them happy, I calm them down, I help them improve to be a better person. Ari, truth is, I never knew you. And I met you at a time you didn't even know yourself, other than someone who would chase highs just to convince themself they were 'happy'. Truth is, you were never happy. You've always been fearful of commitment. You just can't do it. For fear of failure, and fear of rejection, your fear of growing, and fear of being left with nothing. You can't live without replacements. And I've always been that for you. That's why you cling onto me when you have nothing left, and you break away when you feel I've lifted you up off your feet. Nothing last forever Ari because you never put the time into *one* thing for it to last that long. Nothing last forever when left unattended.

I'm glad you went of your way to say the things you did. It's a great demonstration how you can't control your feelings, and never reliably have an opinion on one thing. You are still a hypocrite. And it shows me at the end of all this you really never wanted me to be happy. You really never cared if I was sad. If you are truly idiotic enough to believe what I said wasn't genuine then you clearly never knew me to begin with. Or you spite me to piss me tf off.

Neither of which, will ever help me be happy, and cares about my well being. That's not the person I fell in love with, and its clear that just isn't you anymore. You don't love me. And if you did, you don't anymore. And if you do, well, that's a lie. I'm not going to feed it for you to believe in it anymore. If you think what you did is love then you either don’t understand it, or as always, you are just lying to yourself. Goodbye, if it means anything at all. I hope you do find happiness, and I hope you do find something ‘Ariana Cole’ loves. I’ve said this so many times and it’s always came down to the same conclusion through the same things. You don’t love me, and that I’m certain. You have great family, you have great friends. Attend to them instead of trying to break your ex over a Spotify playlist just for doing the exact same thing you did. I'm fine on my own, I clearly don't need you anymore. I'll find my light someday. And in time I will come to appreciate everything for how it really was. It was hard to break off but clearly things just aren’t the same so its hard to miss it. Please unfollow me on Spotify so I don’t look at your profile. And if you don’t then I’m just going to make a new one. Like I am with everything else.

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I still don’t understand. How you can be so mad at me, so obsessed with the idea that you don’t need me. When I only agreed with your decision of being apart. I think pointing out your happiness through spite is just an example of how you are there to make me feel remorseful for what I did, or you feel some grudge against me for doing it.

You may be mad at me for doing so. But what was I to feel in such a demtrimental moment where you were the only thing I had to hang onto.

I’m sorry, I couldn’t even handle our break up. How do you expect me to handle you potentially leaving forever for a reason that to me sounds like suicide. At least after every part I *always* tried my best to lesson the blow. If you have the right to be selfish enough to chase your own happiness. Why can’t I be selfish enough to protect my emotions know I can’t deal with our breaks apart. You’ve never understood that about me, you’ve never undsterstood the strength I had to mustard to pretend to not be hurt by you. And not just in the idea of relationships but just in general.

You were literally my everything. And never did I need you to reciprocate that back. But how do you find it justifiable to be mad at me for only enforcing your decision. How can you not understand that I restrict you away from me so I don’t go through these shattering emotions again and again. Regardless, nothing I said would have changed this fate. You would have still left, you would still be gone. It’s just painful because you are no longer can just reinvite yourself whenever you want. And that was a painful decision for me to make, but an important one to deal with my emotions.

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It’s so fucked because throughout our entire relationship or bond together, you’ve quite frankly never really fully considered how I felt.

You constantly poke around, but that doesn’t mean you are there to understand. How often has it been throughout our relationship have I tried to protect your feelings because of your inability to handle to hear how I feel. Quite frankly you’ve always trashed my opinion when you don’t even consider how it feels to even hold it in to begin with. Yet you simnatelyous want me to tell you.

I just don’t understand how you want to leave all of your online friends, yet you just try to tell me how what I feel is just basically a misinterpretation of certain things despite not even knowing how long I’ve been holding it in. You constantly tell me you want to seperate yourself from me yet you do the exact opposite. And this may prove benefical for my feelings for the time being. It’s still overall emotional confusing and makes it hard to adjust. You always say you want to grow with me, that you want to be this emotional support, that I am your home. Yet you do multiple things that either insinuate the opposite or it to be the truth. And these come at random time zones. You tell me you feel this certain way and all I can do is try to help you in ways that are indirect. But they just end up hurting me, and end up making things more complicated. So I don’t really understand why you find it nosey or a “shitty take” of me when I just want to know more about you because you do this shit all the time.

What am I supposed to do. This entire, nearly 2 year relationship, your answers don’t match your words. You’ve heard it multiple times from me and maybe consider that as truth. Even when I’m struggling in emotional pain it’s always been a truth I’ve protected you from and gave you the patience (which you even said btw) to just believe and trust you.

So why am I fault for trust falling in your arms when you give me no other option, but get mad at me when I fall and get hurt and just express that maybe next time tell me you aren’t going to be there becaus when *I need* something to break that fall you just aren’t there. You always get frustrated when I’m distant, maybe this is why. You always try to close it, but why even close it if you are just going to reliquinish it again with no real balance between me in the decision. It’s always been difficult to love you but that’s always just been a test of love and dedication for me. But you really don’t love me in the same way and while you may say otherwise. You’ve never, at any point, showed it over a prolonged period of time. You’ve never really considered how much I get hurt by you, in what way does me telling you how I feel about our break up upset you when you get mad and tell me I should have never said anything at all. It’s so fucking one sided.

I don’t fucking know, what to do. Ever. And I’m always the one who gets hurt in the ordeals because everytime I am upfront about it you just get upset. My bad, for trying my heart out, and literally making shit worse by trying to make them better and asking you to be more direct instead of contradicting what you say with what you do. It’s a pattern. And you are no better in doing the exact same things but you never seem to want to learn from it. At least I try to consider what you feel and how you feel. At least I tell you how I Feel anda why I do the way I do. At least I try even though it contradicts what feeling I may feel at the time. At least I’m willing to argue, to conversate.

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So Comfortable you need some trouble to cause.

You don’t know what you want.

So I let go of control, cuz I know just what you are.

You’re gonna break me in two. No. falling back. I can feel this dropping. And when the wheels don’t stop, run me over. No dialing down, only realizing. We’re too far forward now. 

[rabbit-pieces]

I’ve never really mattered to you as much as you matter to me. And I don’t just mean in relationship, but just as in our bond in general, be it a great friend, friend, girlfriend, doesn’t matter. Putting us down just never hurts you in the same way it does me. Your conditional, it really doesn’t bother you to just leave if that’s what you feel the need to do. But when it’s my decision and you always get mad because *you’re* the one with no control over the situation. Maybe it’s best for you to experience what it’s like when someone leaves without your input, but for some reason you are still mad at me for leaving when you already left me. It’s just never a decision for you, you just abandonded me. Even if you want to argue it wasn’t just me, you still desserrted me and I was faced with the same decision. And while yes, you went through something that was pretty terrible, I was also extremely miserable. I’m not saying one is greater than the other, but I’m saying I 100% didn’t want to be around any of the people I deemed as friends. But I only did because of you, because I knew abandonding you would hurt. But ofc in your view, what I said, how I felt, just didn’t matter. Everytime I did leave you, I gave you chances, or I gave you reasons, and above all, I tried my best to make the goodbye memoriable in a good way. Yours was just a “Goodbye” and all of a sudden you no longer respond. I’m not even saying you have to tell me why, which ofc, you would automatically assume because of my shitty take right. Well no, that’s not even what I think, so fuck off with your bs. but you could have at least gave me something more than a goodbye where you don’t respond with nothing to clench onto with a suicidal pfp when I know youv’e tried before. Even last time there was literally nothing. So what, you did slightly better than before, do you deserve a ribbon? Maybe that’s why we’ll never be together, because you just will never understand how much you mean to me. You will never understand how much you hurt me, you will consider the signifance of my feelings. Because every time you just don’t. I’m not even saying you need to make a decision based around my feelings. Again fuck off with your assumptions. I’m saying you should consider them and at least try to account for them. Because you never do. Just because you are concerned for how I feel, doesn’t mean you consider the gravitiy of it. Because you are telling me how I should feel about a situation when my friends brother, his closest most signifcant bond even agrees that what I was saying was weird behavior and for some reason you are telling me how I should feel. You are just telling me to tank the shit and that’s it’s not what it seems when it’s been months