queerchoicespb

[queerchoicespb]

masterlist.

hopefully this makes navigating my blog a little bit easier, particularly on mobile :)

Keep reading

[queerchoicespb]

Ok i got a request . Remember how Chris Kait and James got those special 1 chapter episodes where they go on special dates. It would be cool to see Beccas. So its set after Book 3. Instead of going to the festival with the gang Mc decides to visit Becca first at her lakehouse and then they go to the festival just her and Becca. They ll share lots of sweet moments at the pool more fun at the concert and later on at home things can get a bit heated.

Becca reaches for her phone with the intent to scroll through her social feeds. really, she does. opening her messaging app is a reflex. opening the short text thread she has with Alex is just an accident. and typing out a hey, what’re you up to? is… a mistake? some kind of predetermined notion written into the fabric of reality?

whatever. it doesn’t matter what it is. no, what matters is that she does, send a text to Alex that is, and that she tosses her phone to the other side of couch as soon as she hits send, almost like it burns her hands.

she stares at her phone, waits for it to react to what she just did—maybe it’ll implode. she’s almost surprised when her phone buzzes a few minutes later. and she’ll never admit to just how fast she jumps forward to snatch it up.

it’s Alex. Alex responded. okay. cool cool cool.

my friends and i are on a road trip. we’ve just passed into California. you?

the you? twists itself into Becca’s mind. slips into every nook and cranny until it’s she can think and feel, and her heart is going ba-dum ba-dum and she definitely can’t just say oh, not much. just by myself at my dad’s lake house because he’s trying to buy my love now that my parents are getting divorced. except she does say that. word for word. it tumbles from her mind onto her phone and then she hits send and holds her breath in her throat as she waits for Alex’s response.

want some company then?

and what really surprised Becca is that she answers with yes.

-

in the days leading up to Alex’s arrival she cleans. not that there’s much to clean—the house is big, and she’s kept to one small part of it. she also rifles through her closet and decides, an hour before Alex is due to arrive, that she doesn’t have anything to wear. the clothes laying forgotten on her bed disagree, but she ignores that and feels the anxiety twist itself around her.

and then her phone buzzes and there’s a knock at the door. Alex is here. Alex is early.

shit.

she tosses on the first thing she can grab and runs her hands through her hair before darting down to the front door.

when Becca opens the door, Alex greets her with a warm smile that simultaneously calms and frightens. frightens, because how does her smile have such an effect on me. they stand awkwardly in the doorway until Alex clears her throat and asks, “did you wanna invite me in?”

“right.” Becca steps aside and motions Alex in.

Alex whistles as she looks around, still holding her bag in front of her. “nice place.”

Becca shrugs, because it is nice, stunning really, but the house doesn’t feel quite right—it never really has. it’s big and empty and somehow always manages to be cold even during summer.

“come on, i’ll show you around.”

-

it’s as they walk through the house that Becca realises she’s not quite sure what they are. they aren’t enemies, and now she wonders if they ever actually were. and they definitely aren’t dating. dating implies some level of commitment that Becca doubts she could ever really give. and then there would be intimacy and comfort and little inside jokes that they’d share quiet smiles over.

but that doesn’t matter anyway because she would never want to date Alex—never ever. dating Alex would be complicated and messy and she has a reputation and expectations that Alex doesn’t fit and—

“you doin’ alright there?”

“huh?” Becca shakes the thoughts away.

Alex tilts her head to the side and offers a small curious smile that manages to worm its way into Becca’s heart and find a place for itself amidst all the dark twisty tendrils that have been growing with each passing day.

“why are you looking at me like that?” Becca asks, her tone both defensive and amused.

“like what?”

“like you’re trying to read my mind.”

“i’m not, i just—” Alex sighs and Becca suddenly wonders what she’d been about to say. “you mentioned swimming?”

“swimming, right.” Becca knows a digression when she hears one, but she points to a room Alex can get changed in and says she’ll meet her downstairs.

-

Becca doesn’t actually swim. she sits on the edge of the dock beneath the dying afternoon sun and traces the water with her toes. Alex swims though, splashes around for a short while and tries to gently prod Becca in too. but Becca holds firm and insists that she’s more than happy on the dock.

Alex climbs out later, dripping water onto the dock and creating a small puddle that manages to spread and reach Becca’s leg. she pretends Alex dripping water on her irritates her and pretends to hate it when she flicks water at her.

Alex sits down beside her, and Becca thinks she’s waiting for her to break the silence that’s comfortably settled between them.

“do you wanna talk about it?” Alex finally asks.

Becca wonders which it they’re talking about—her parents’ divorce or the fact that some fundamental piece of their relationship or friendship or whatever they are, is changing. maybe it’s both. maybe it’s neither.

“thank you for visiting me,” she says instead. “i’m sure it pales in comparison to a road trip with your friends.”

“hardly.” Alex smiles and nudges Becca’s shoulder with her own. “we were all cramped in a van that doesn’t have working a/c. besides, i like hanging out with you, it’s…”

Becca raises her eyebrows, curious and nudging Alex on.

“easy.”

Becca laughs, like, full body laughs. never in her life has she been described as easy to be around.

“what’s so funny?”

“nothing, nothing.” Becca tries to suppress her laughter, but it doesn’t work.

“i was trying to be nice.” Alex makes a show of being hurt, even makes to leave, but the smile on her face tells a very different story.

“no, sorry.” Becca places her hand gently on Alex’s arm; wants her to believe the sincerity behind her words. “it was nice and i didn’t mean to laugh. i’ve just never been described as easy before, and with everything going on, i guess it’s been a while since something’s made me laugh.”

“oh.” Alex settles on the dock again and Becca’s hand remains on her arm. “are you talking with your parents much?”

Becca shrugs. “mom’s trying. i think we’re both just having a hard time adjusting to speaking to each other. it’s been good but strange.”

“and your dad?”

Becca barks out a laugh. “i think he’s just as clueless. only difference is he’s not making much of an effort. my sister and i were supposed to spend some time with him here over the summer. look how that turned out.”

“i’m sorry.”

“i don’t need pity—”

“i wasn’t pitying you.”

“i know, but it’s just…”

“just…?”

and Alex’s arm is suddenly very warm beneath Becca’s hand. warm and solid and grounding and— they’ve done this before. played this game where they share their insecurities and offer something dangerously close to companionship.

it won’t end well, she thinks, but her heart thumps along and tells her to indulge just this once. what’s one more time anyway?

“we shouldn’t,” Becca breathes, because one of them needs to say it.

“probably,” Alex agrees, but neither of them move to put some space between them.

“but we could.”

“definitely.”

“it would be” —amazing is the word she thinks— “fun,” is the word she says with a playful lilt to her voice that she hopes distracts from the longing want she can feel in her bones.

they’re closer now, faces no more than a couple inches apart, and the air around them feels stiff somehow, like the world around them took one massive breath and is now waiting for them to do something about the balloon of tension that’s been slowly inflating for months.

and then the balloon bursts, and there’s kissing and moaning and wandering hands and— oh god, Becca suddenly remembers why she wanted to do this again. it feels like electricity zapping up and down her body. it hurts and it heals, and she wonders if they’ll ever do this again—silently hopes that they will.

she pulls Alex closer, decides that it’s still not enough—some tiny part of her heart hums and says that it never will be—and moves to straddle her lap and thread her fingers through her hair.

“here?” Alex asks between frantic and hurried kisses.

Becca hums and urges Alex’s hands further down her body.

it happens quickly after that. the coil inside Becca tightens each time Alex moves her fingers and moans her name and nips at her neck and— it snaps. the coil snaps and its wonderful and horrible and Becca is suddenly acutely aware of the place Alex holds in her heart.

and that— it terrifies her, because for the first time in her life she has no idea how it will go.

-

they head back up to the house not long later, stumbling through the first floor and upstairs as they share laughs and kisses. and when they reach the foot of the bed, Becca pushes Alex back and is quick to return the favour.

-

Becca wakes early in the morning on her side and facing Alex who’s fast asleep and completely dead to the world. she takes this moment, this brief interlude, to consider her next move.

the last time they did this, she left as soon as she woke up. though leaving isn’t exactly an option right now, and Becca finds that even if it were, leaving is the last thing she wants to do.

she brings her hand to Alex’s face and brushes a loose piece of hair behind her ear. the gesture, though small, is enough to cause Alex to stir.

“hi,” Alex says, her voice heavy with sleep and eyes barely open.

“hi.”

“you were right,” she says, sporting a tired grin, “it was fun.”

Becca hums and shifts closer to Alex, tracing lazy patterns on her shoulder. “how long can you stay?”

“how long do you want me to stay?”

“i asked you first.”

“so?”

“humour me.”

their back-and-forth is light, airy. it’s how they usually talk. but there’s insecurity that hides beneath it all. insecurity that itches to be breathed into the world and soothed away.

“well, my friends and i were going to the aurora music festival tomorrow.”

“oh.”

“but maybe, if you wanted to, you could come with?”

“are you asking me to go with you?”

“i asked you first.”

Becca smacks Alex’s shoulder but can’t stop the smile on her face. “yes, i want to go.”

“good” —Alex leans in then, stops only when their lips are just about to touch— “because i really want you to come with me.”

“is that so?”

Alex hums and brings their lips together in a slow and easy kiss that Becca’s all too happy to get lost in.

“wait, hang on.” Alex pulls away, a suddenly serious expression on her face. “you didn’t tell me how long you wanted me to stay.”

forever is the word she thinks, but she just smiles and brings their lips together again, and she thinks that Alex might just understand.

[queerchoicespb]

can i sleep in here?

feelings are scary and sometimes we tell fibs.

OR, the three times Becca makes up an excuse to sleep in MC’s bed and then the one time she doesn’t.

-

1.

it’s just after midnight when Becca finds herself standing out front Alex’s door. the house has been quiet for a few hours now and there’s no light coming from the crack beneath Alex’s door.

Keep reading

[queerchoicespb]

could you write a becca x mc fic where the gang is trying to set up mc with Sebastian while her relationship with becca is still a secret?👀 maybe include a truth or dare scene in a party where they dare mc to kiss him and becca is about to explode 🤣

Here you go, anon! I know I just posted recently but I wanted to write as much as I can before school gets crazy lol. Hopefully this was what you wanted cause  I really had fun writing it, so thank you for this ❤️

tag list: @whackawriting @samanthadalton​ @crazzyplays @uselesslesbianfr @baexpoppy (If you wanna be added or removed or just prefer a certain ship just let me know ❤️ )

Yours only

One morning, Emily and her housemates were eating breakfast when Kaitlyn was teasing Emily about Sebastian.

"I've seen the way he looks at you."

"And?"

"Come on Em, don't tell me you're not a little bit interested."

But before Emily could answer, they were interrupted by the sound of a fork loudly clashing with the plate. They turned to look at Becca who was stabbing her food with vigor, muttering curses under her breath.

"Woah, what did that carrot ever do to you?" Zack asked to which Becca ignored.

"Becca," Kaitlyn said carefully. "Is something wrong?"

Becca then whirled to face Kaitlyn with a killer gaze that Kaitlyn had to lean back in defense.

"Why? Does it look like something's wrong? Does it?"Becca hissed.

"Uhhh," Kaitlyn faltered.

"Whatever, I'm out of here." Becca stormed off to her room, slamming the door shut.

"What just happened?"

Emily shrugged. "I don't know, but I'll try to see what's up."

Emily trudged to Becca's door and knocked.

"Becca?"

When there was no answer, Emily opened the door and went inside. Becca was lying in bed, facing the wall.

"Are you okay?"

"Why don't you ask Sebastian?" Becca mumbled.

There it is.

Emily sighed. "Babe, you know they're just messing around right?"

"Whatever, I'm going to sleep."

"At two in the evening?"

When Becca didn't respond, Emily crawled on the bed beside her and hugged her from behind.

"You know you're the only one I like, right?" Emily whispered against the nape of Becca's neck tightening her hug on the blonde.

A moment later, Becca turned around and pressed her head against Emily's chest, hugging her back as their legs tangled together. Emily kissed the top of Becca's head, breathing in her scent, as their heartbeats fell in sync.

***

The next day, they were invited to Abbie and Tyler's apartment for a small dinner party. When they arrived, Emily and Becca sat at opposite sides of the table in order to avoid suspicion. Sebastian arrived a little later, and to Becca's annoyance, he sat next to Emily.

As the evening progressed, the friends were happily catching up with each other while they dug into their food. Emily was chatting with Zack about the open-mic that they were planning on going to when he suddenly grinned and pulled out three tickets.

"Actually, I scored another ticket, and I already asked Sebastian to join us."

Emily risked a glance at Becca and oh booy was she mad. Her veins were noticeably bulging, and she was holding a .... butter knife? so tightly that her knuckles turned white. Emily knew that she had to say something before it turned into a bloodbath.

"When is that again?" Emily grabbed the ticket from Zacks's hand and pretended to look at the date.

"Oh shoot I just remembered, there was this last–minute thing Gabriela wanted me to do on this day. I don't think I can go," Emily said with fake disappointment in her voice.

Zack frowned. "But you promised."

Trust me, Zack. If I said yes, both our dead asses won't be able to go, was what Emily wanted to say.

But all she said was, "I know, I know, and I'm sorry. You guys are gonna have to have fun without me."

Emily could see Becca visibly relax as she set the knife down. Crisis averted. At least for now.

Once they finished eating, Kaitlyn suggested a game of dare and dare. And it was all fun and games until it was Sebastian's turn.

"I dare you to kiss Emily."

Bad, bad idea, Kaitlyn.

Emily watched as Sebastian turned to her, and her entire body froze. But before Sebastian could lean in closer, they heard the sound of a chair loudly scraping the floor as they watched Becca get up from her seat and take long strides towards Emily. Becca then straddled Emily's lap, cupping the surprised brunette's face, and kissed her fervently.

When they pulled apart, Becca got up from Emily's lap and narrowed her eyes at the stunned faces.

"Do we have a problem here?"

Their friends shook their heads vigorously.

"Try that shit again, and I will skin you alive and feed your remains to the wolves, capeesh?" Becca warned, peering at all of them in turn.

They nodded.

Becca then turned to Sebastian, her arms crossed and feet tapping impatiently. "What, are you waiting for me to drag your sorry ass out of that chair?"

Sebastian stumbled out of the chair, almost tripping, and scurried to another one as Becca claimed her rightful place next to Emily.

Emily stared at Becca in horror whereas Becca just smiled at her sweetly as if she just didn't threaten the entire room. Becca then leaned in and pressed a soft kiss on Emily's cheek while interlacing her fingers with hers, placing their hands on the table as if to remind everyone that Emily was hers.

[queerchoicespb]

Becca and Mc cuddling after they have a small fight over something stupid. Super fluff. Time is during their Sophomore Book 1 phase where they arent dating yet. Please write if you can

they aren't real fights, Becca decides.

their passive-aggressive comments and days of not talking to each other, it doesn't actually mean anything since they aren't anything. they'll hook up and make out and fight and maybe, maybe have a conversation somewhere between it all. but that's it.

but their most recent not-fight stretches on. it's about pillows, Becca thinks, or blankets or something equally ridiculous. whatever. the point is that they're decidedly not talking to each other, except when they have to pretend and play nice in front of their friends.

that last for days, weeks really, and only ends—finally—when Alex knocks on Becca's door late one night, long after the others have all said their goodnights and slipped off to their rooms.

"what do you want?" Becca says, her voice clipped and neutral, and her arms folded across her chest.

"to talk," Alex says, her voice equally measured and no-nonsense, "about our fight. it's ridiculous that we're not talking all because of a blanket."

"i'm not the one who started it."

Alex goes to respond but stops herself. she breathes, calms herself, and Becca smirks silently that she was able to get a rise out of Alex. she's working on doing that less.

"that's not the point."

"then what is the point?"

"the point is that we haven't spoken in nearly two weeks over some stupid blanket and i miss you and i'm sorry."

the i miss you is almost too much for Becca, almost. three months ago it would have been. but now, after all the talking and bickering and time spent together, she feels Alex's i miss you settle comfortably in her heart and bloom out from there.

"oh."

"yeah, oh." Alex shifts her weight from one foot to the other.

Becca lets her arms fall to her side as she steps aside and nods for Alex to come in.

when they're laying in Becca's bed, staring up at the ceiling and arms stiff by their sides, Becca says, "i suppose, if we're being honest, i may have missed you too."

"does this mean we aren't fighting anymore?" Alex sounds almost amused as she talks, like she knew they'd wind up here in bed even as they were arguing about who the blanket hog was.

"don't get cocky," Becca says, all warning gone from her voice as she moves to snuggle up close to Alex.

Alex only hums, a sleepy and pleased smile on her face as she opens up her arms for Becca.

"i'll be pissed if i wake up in the middle of the night on the other side of the bed with no blanket," Becca says right as her eyelids begin to droop.

"is that your way of asking to cuddle?"

"shut up and go to sleep." she falls asleep with a soft smile on her face.

[queerchoicespb]

I wish we got to see more of their friendship because I KNOWW they get together and talk shit about everyone.

To be fair, I wish we got to see more of Becca's friendship with everyone and actually everyone's friendship with each other. Like I needed more friendship scenes with everyone.

[queerchoicespb]

reconnections.

being an adult is hard and so is reconnecting with old friends after nearly two decades.

OR, the one where they didn't get their happy ending but maybe they deserve a second chance.

-

she tells herself that it will be easy.

she tells herself that she won't even stay for long, so who cares if it is messy and awkward because she'll be at home, on her couch with a glass of wine and good book before nine. she'll be alone, but Becca's found over the years--decades, really--that it's easier to not dwell too much on details.

"just here's fine," Becca says to her uber driver.

the car stops along the side of the road, a busy intersection ahead of her and further up is the bar where everyone is, presumably already inside. Becca wonders if they even notice she's late.

she hopes they don't notice. hopes she doesn't fill them with the same disappointment she can still occasionally see in her father's eyes. but then, she also hopes they do notice. hopes that even after all this time, she can still count on these people to miss her presence.

she looks down at the invite that had found its way into her inbox two weeks ago. mostly it's a way to reassure herself that yes, they do want me here and no, i'm not intruding.

Abbie had sent the invites; she can't really imagine anyone else using email as their preferred method of communication. it was smart, really; her number's changed twice since they were all part of each other's lives. she knows Alex's did when she went and lived abroad, and always sort of assumed that she got a new one when she came back.

Becca assumed a lot of things.

the fresh February breeze cuts at her face, and Becca has to shake herself out of a memory. she crosses the busy street and steps into a mostly empty bar. not unusual, all things considered; Tuesday's aren't exactly popular for a night out.

she sheds her coat and drapes it over her arm. there's a group of three over by the pool tables and a few people hunched over the bar, occasionally looking up to watch the ice hokey on the crappy TV. she hasn't been to a place like this in years, but she misses it all the same.

she spots Chris first, up at the bar placing an order for food. Becca decides it might be easier to greet him first and then find where the rest of their group are sitting.

"hey, stranger," she says it casually, like it isn't taking everything in her to not turn on her heels and pretend that she was never here.

Chris turns and smiles warmly. he's aged a little since she last saw him--she tries to quickly remember when that was, his wedding, maybe--grey hair at his temples and crows feet at the corners of his eyes.

"Becca!" he greets her with a hug that doesn't feel at all awkward and actually might just be exactly what she needed. she really has missed him. "hey, everyone, look who's finally here." he looks over his shoulder and waves to all their friends huddled around a table that Becca had missed when she first stepped inside.

her heart beats a little faster in the second it takes them all to realise that Becca's here now. they all stand to greet her with hugs and cheers and playful chiding that makes her feel like she's twenty-one again.

"is Alex coming?" she doesn't mean to sound as hopeful as she does, but it's easy to slip into old habits with these people.

"she said she'd try," Abbie says.

"sometime about getting stuck on the other side of the city for a late meeting," Kaitlyn explains, and Becca feels something green ad ugly flare up in her heart. she wonders if Kaitlyn and Alex stayed in touch. she wonders if they all stayed in touch and she's the one who drifted away.

"oh, that's okay," Becca says, and then adds: "i'm sure we can all catch up some other time."

they all hum and make promises to do this again and Becca wonders if they will. wonders if this time they'll actually make the effort to stay connected. she silently hopes they will.

the night carries on, and one-by-one, they all slowly leave until it's just Becca, Abbie, and Tyler sitting in a booth.

"ready?" Tyler says, hiding a yawn behind his hand.

Abbie nods and hums. "i'll meet you outside."

Tyler smiles and says goodbye to Becca.

"thanks for tonight," Becca says, "it was nice seeing everyone again."

"almost everyone," Abbie says.

Becca smiles but it doesn't quite reach her eyes. "it's okay."

"she did want to be here. she said she was excited to see you again."

"all of us, you mean."

"well sure, i'd hope she would be, but you were the one she really wanted to see. the one she probably missed the most."

"it's not..."

"i know it's complicated, but just know that it wasn't easy for her either."

"are you two still close?"

Abbie shrugs. "we talk a little. maybe every couple of months. not so much to the others though. i think she always hoped that after the break up you would lean on us"

"but i didn't--"

"want us to pick sides, we know that." Abbie smiles sadly. "and we never would have. we would have still been friends with both of you and been here for both of you. but Alex knew it would be hard for you. she just wanted you to have people to fall back on."

"oh."

Abbie hums and studies Becca for a second. "don't stay out too late, yeah?"

Becca hums and the Abbie leaves and she's alone. she's alone for a while, maybe another half hour, before she decides it's time to call it a night. and just as Becca's gathering her things, a voice startles her out of her thoughts.

"hey you."

Becca's head snaps up to the familiar voice.

Alex is there. Alex is here and for just a second it feels like twenty years haven't fallen away and they're both finding each other in some crummy bar just off campus.

"you're here," Becca says.

"i am." Alex just grins. "buy you a drink?"

and all Becca can do is nod and feel a familiar calm settle in her heart.

[queerchoicespb]

girls !!!

[queerchoicespb]

Becca and Mc on their honeymoon watching the sun come up thinking about their future fic would be great if you could

it feels wrong to gently slip out of Alex’s arms so early in the morning. betrayal, almost. she’s not hiding anything, could never hide anything from her, but she’s also not quite ready to put into words how she feels.

so she slips out of bed without waking Alex and quietly searches the floor of their room for something quick to throw on. she settles for a soft pair of cotton shorts from Alex’s side of the bed and a loose fitting shirt that she’s had for years and maybe even started out as Alex’s too.

Alex is still asleep. it’s too early for her to be awake anyway—the sun won’t rise for at least another half hour. Becca presses a kiss to the top of Alex’s head, careful not to wake her sleeping wife.

she feels giddy using that word. wife. wife. Alex her wife. she wonders if it’s something she’ll ever get used to and hopes that she doesn’t. hopes that she always feels this much bubble to life in her heart whenever she thinks of Alex and their story and what it took to get here.

it’s cool outside. not cold enough to send shivers, but just cold enough that Becca holds her arms against her chest as she cuts across the empty street from the small house they’ve rented for the week to the beach.

there’s no one else out on the sand with her, and Becca guesses that’s an unexpected blessing of deciding to honeymoon in a quaint little town on the edge of the Atlantic.

she sits in the sand for the while, allows her toes and fingers to spread through it. the sand is soothing against her skin and she knows that layer, she’ll regret not bringing a towel to sit on, but for now she enjoys it.

“figured i’d find you out here,” Alex’s voice comes a short while later just as the sun is beginning to peak over the horizon—a thin strip of orange bleeds into the dark blue. “hey.”

Alex bends to press a kiss to the top of Becca’s head and then sits beside her.

“sorry, i didn’t mean to wake you,” Becca says.

“i don’t mind.”

Becca drops her head against Alex’s shoulder and breathes her in. she smells like the ocean they’ve been swimming in all week.

“how come you didn’t wake me?” Alex asks.

“you’re cute when you sleep.” and Becca thinks about how years ago, when they were first becoming something more, she would have left it at that. wouldn’t have given Alex the rest of the answer that they both know is there.

Alex says nothing, just patiently waits for the rest of the explanation that she knows is coming.

“i also just wanted to think.”

“about anything in particular?”

“us. how far we’ve come. where we started and where we’re going.”

“magical, huh?”

Becca smiles and nudges Alex’s shoulder. “shut up, i’m trying to be serious.”

“and i’m trying to make you smile.”

“goof.” Becca runs her fingers over the gold band on Alex’s finger. it still feels a little loose and she can’t wait for the years they’ll spend together where their rings will become a part of them.

“sorry. what did you want to be serious about?”

“just that…” she sighs, flips Alex’s hand over in hers. “i love you, which i know is like, super obvious—” she flashes her ring “—but i just want you to know that and never doubt it or forget. i love you and i promise that you will always know it.”

Alex’s kisses her gently and runs her fingers through Becca’s hair.

“i love you too,” Alex breathes against Becca’s lips.

[queerchoicespb]

Hi great to see you active again. If you are up for a prompt can i ask Mc and Becca's first kiss. The time is during The Freshmen Book 1 and they shares a dance away from everyone where they shared the kiss

it happens at a party. an afterparty, technically, although Becca doubts the distinction matters much. it's an afterparty for the formal hosted by some sorority that's technically supposed to be a sister sorority to the Kappas.

although Greek life and technicalities don't matter too much to her now. not when she's got a drink in hand, cheap tequila humming through her veins, and a dress that makes her look good. she gets lost in the beat of the music and swell of people around her. someone bumps her. some of her drink sloshes over the edge of her red solo cup. she doesn't care.

she spins around to face the girl that bumped her. she smiles and throws her arms over her shoulders and screams along to the lyrics of a song she hasn't listened to in years. it's a pretty perfect way to end the quarter. so perfect in fact that Becca doesn't even think about the hangover she'll probably be nursing tomorrow.

the girl she's dancing with leans in close to say something in Becca's ear, but she can't hear it over the music.

"i can't hear you," Becca shouts.

the girl smiles, something sort of shy but also confident in a way, like she knows exactly what she's trying to do. the girl's hand drops a little lower on her back and then it clicks in Becca's head. she leans closer too with a smirk on her face.

this could be a distraction. and the girl is vaguely familiar. someone she's seen in some of her econ classes. not a total stranger but also not someone she's likely to run into again.

so it's stupid, really, that her mind jumps to Alex of all people. Alex who she had seen at the formal, so unaware and unbothered by Becca's presence. Alex who is probably at this same afterparty somewhere—Becca thinks just about everyone at Hartfeld might be here.

"i'm just getting another drink," Becca says, although she doubts the girl can hear her over the music. "i'll be right back."

she slips away from the girl and weaves her way through the throng of people towards where the kitchen is near the back of the house. it's quieter in here. the music is a hum that vibrates the house, and the chatter around her fills the space more easily.

she's standing at the kitchen island, mixing a drink for herself that she'll probably regret tomorrow, and idly listening to the conversation around her, when a voice beside her cuts through it all.

"pass me a cup?"

Becca looks up to find Alex standing across from her. Alex with her stupid hair and stupid smile and stupid dress that brings out her eyes and— wait. Becca shakes it away. she glares at Alex.

"fine then." Alex comes around to stand next to Becca. she plucks a cup from the stack and begins to make a drink, and all Becca can think is that she's too close.

too close too close too close!

"fun night?" Becca tries to be nonchalant as she speaks. she mixes her drink and pretends not to notice Alex looking right at her. she finally looks up and Alex just shrugs. she shrugs!

"it was fine."

"that's all?"

"night's not over yet, right?" and there's something dangerously close to a smirk on Alex's face.

"right." Becca glares right at Alex who just shrugs again.

"i saw you dancing with that girl before," Alex says after a moment.

Becca takes a long sip of her drink. it's definitely too strong. "jealous?"

"just talking."

"well... stop."

"talking?"

"yes."

Alex just stares at her. doesn't talk. doesn't really do anything. and that's— Becca just—

"you don't need to talk to me. i'm not sure if it's guilt or pity or whatever, but i don't want it, okay? you won. you got him, so go, like, talk to him or whatever. just— stop pretending."

"stop, what are you—"

Becca doesn't stay to hear what else Alex has to say. she turns on her heels and marches away. she pushes her way through the crowd again, the girl from before tries to grab her arm but Becca brushes her off. her cup gets bumped, Becca lets it fall.

and then finally, finally, Becca makes it outside. she gathers the end of her dress and sits on the curb. people walk past her, give her strange looks.

she thinks again about how this was supposed to be the perfect end to the quarter. and then stupid Alex had to march in and ruin it all.

"mind if it sit?"

Becca looks up. of course it's Alex standing there. she doesn't answer, just looks back at the road. Alex must take that as invitation, because the next thing Becca knows, Alex is sitting beside her, way too close but not totally unwelcome given the chill that's begun to settle in.

"it's not guilt, by the way, or pity."

Becca looks at her and tilts her head in question.

"the reason that i was trying to talk to you," Alex explains. "i wasn't doing it because i felt like i had to. i wanted to."

"oh."

Alex clicks her tongue. "did you at least have a nice night?"

"i did."

"did you, uh, did you go to the formal with anyone?" and with the way that Alex asks her question, it almost sounds like she wants Becca to ask her something.

Becca hums. "this guy in one of the fraternities that Kappa works with a lot. he plays football with Chris."

"how come you were dancing with someone else then?"

Becca shrugs this time. "we got separated basically as soon as we got here—" she gestures back to the house "—and i just never bothered to find him. he was kind of boring, to be completely honest."

"and the girl? you didn't wanna go back to her?"

"not really." she breathes deeply and allows her arm to brush against Alex's for just a moment. and in that split-second, she feels something hum to life. "what happened to your date?"

"i didn't have one."

"i thought..." Becca looks properly at Alex now and thinks that she sees her for the very first time.

"Chris?"

Becca nods.

"he asked, so did James and Kaitlyn, but i said no."

"why?" and Becca thinks she knows what the answer is going to be, knows she should probably be terrified but can't help the excited jitters in her stomach and warm flush of her skin.

"there's this girl."

"isn't there always?"

"not like her."

Becca feels a smile stretch across her face as she looks at Alex. "you could have just asked me to be your date."

Alex shrugs again, and she's somehow closer than before. “i think this is kind of perfect, don't you?”

“almost perfect.”

“what—”

Becca pulls Alex in and kisses her firmly, and now, with Alex pressed against her, with a streetlight above them and a forgotten party behind them, now it's perfect.

[queerchoicespb]

the junior | ch 1

[queerchoicespb]

all the way back.

time has a wonderful way of showing Becca what really matters.

OR, a childhood friends-to-lovers AU.

-

-

Becca’s parents divorce when she’s eight.

she doesn’t really understand what it means—all the nuance that goes with it—doesn’t even realise that that’s the word for it until later. all she knows for sure is that one day she wakes up and her mother tells her that they’re moving and that her father won’t be coming with them.

“there’s a park close to our new house,” her mother says while they’re in the car.

Becca hums, her sister sits happily in the booster seat beside her, watching the world flash by in the window as she kicks her little legs. Becca thinks Alexis understands less than her, thinks that’s probably for the best, and doesn’t understand why that makes her angry.

their new house is a lot smaller. it’s not as nice as their old one, but Becca sort of likes that her new bedroom is smaller and that she gets to share a bathroom with her mother and sister.

“i know it’s not much,” Shannon says as she stands with Becca in their empty home. “but i promise that this will all be okay.”

she doesn’t have a bedframe yet, but they go to the store and Becca picks out some fairy lights and her mother helps her strig them up around her room.

“are you okay?” Becca asks after that first day as her mum tucks her in. she’s never tucked her in before and she looks unsure of herself.

“i will be.” it’s honest, probably too much honesty for an eight-year-old. “are you?”

Becca shrugs as best she can with the blanket tucked right up to her chin.

“whatever you’re feeling is okay. we can talk about it when you’re ready. but just know that i love you so much. nothing will change that.”

the new house is louder and quieter all at once. there’s no more shouting, and Becca likes that she doesn’t have to creep from room-to-room to hear or not hear what her parents are yelling about. she likes that the yelling has stopped, that she can hear her sister playing on the floor in the kitchen while her mum cooks and she reads in her bedroom.

her mum seems sad sometimes, but happy too in an odd kind of way that Becca doesn’t understand. she wants to understand, wants to ask, but doesn’t. she keeps everything to herself for a while.

and then halfway through August, with her first day at her new school looming ahead, Becca meets her neighbour.

she plays outside in their backyard now. it’s not big—barely big enough for the old swing-set and small sandpit that Alexis likes to play in—but it’s enough. sometimes her mum comes out and plays with them.

“hey!”

Becca startles. she stops on the swing and looks around the yard but can’t see who spoke.

“up here!”

she looks up and spots a girl perched carefully in the large tree that hangs over the fence separating their yard from their back neighbours.

“wanna play?” she blows a piece of hair out of her face and wiggles further out onto the branch hanging over the fence.

“up there?”

the girl shrugs and wiggles further out again and then drops down into the yard right in front of Becca. she smiles wide and now that she’s closer, Becca can see her two missing front teeth.

“what are you doing?” Becca says, and she can hear a little of the iciness her mum used to have in her voice.

she quirks her head to the side just a bit. “playing?”

“you’re a stranger, and i—”

“Alex. my name is Alex.” she offers another toothy grin made slightly odd by her two missing teeth.

“okay.”

“so we can play?”

Becca nods, hesitation in her movements and hope in her heart that she’s maybe making a new friend.

Becca sits at the table that night for dinner and doesn’t stop talking about Alex once. her mum hums and nods and smiles sweetly as she listens and cuts Alexis’s food into smaller pieces. Becca feels warm all over.

summer ends a week and a half later and Becca starts the third grade at a new school. she learns that Alex goes to the same school but that she’s starting the second grade.

the sky outside is gloomy but the classroom Becca walks into is bright and colourful.

her new teacher, Miss Jones, crouches down to her level and introduces herself with a warm smile and warmer handshake that makes Becca feel like a grown up in a good way.

Becca sits beside a girl, Madison. she doesn’t say much to Madison, but Madison says plenty to her and makes Becca feel like this isn’t her first day at a new school.

she sees Alex near the handball courts during recess and wants to go say hi, but she’s surrounded by a group of friends, and they look like they’re having fun. Becca doesn’t want to ruin that. and then Madison runs up to her and asks her to come play on the monkey bars.

by the end of the day, Madison declares them best friends.

Alex is perched carefully in the tree by the time Becca gets home that afternoon and runs outside to meet her.

“was your first day good?” Alex asks as she drops down onto the grass in front of Becca.

“i made a new friend in my class. her name’s Madison and she sits beside me. she asked me if i want to hang out after school too.”

“that’s good,” Alex says.

“she said we’re best friends now.”

“am i still your best friend too?”

“yes. you’re…” and Becca doesn’t really know how to put it into words at eight years old. Madison is her best friend, and Alex is something else entirely. something different but no less important.

Becca surges forward and hugs Alex tightly. she doesn’t understand why she hugs Alex or why it feels so nice when Alex hugs her back just as tight.

“are you okay?” Alex asks.

Becca nods and presses her nose into Alex’s neck. she thinks for the first time that she’s not okay but that she might be in time.

she doesn’t understand much when she’s eight, but then she turns ten and starts to understand a little bit more.

Becca wakes up just after midnight in Alex’s bed that can’t really fit both of them anymore.

“hey,” Alex breathes into the space between them.

Becca blinks, tries to adjust her eyes to the dark. “what time is it?”

“midnight,” Alex says and Becca can hear excitement in her voice now. “happy birthday.”

“oh.” Becca sinks into the pillow, and doesn’t understand why she gets so much comfort in the smell of Alex all around her. a small smile tugs at the corners of her lips. “thank you.”

“i got you something.” Alex leans off the side of the bed and grabs something from underneath it before she pops back up with a small present in her hand.

Becca sits up now too. “you didn’t have to get me anything.”

“i know but i saw it and wanted you to have it.”

Becca opens the present carefully and after a moment where she doesn’t breathe and Alex looks like she’s about to explode with giddy energy, there’s a thin bracelet in her hand. the kind that will stain your skin a little green if you wear it for too long.

“i know it’s not much,” Alex starts, “but i wanted to use my money to get you something and… well… do you like it?”

“will you put it on for me?”

Alex beams and Becca doesn’t need any light to see that.

it takes a while for her to fall back asleep after that. Alex passes out almost immediately after promising to try stay awake so they can talk and gossip and share stories into the early hours of the morning. Becca doesn’t mind.

Alex drools a little in her sleep and Becca thinks it’s gross but can’t find it in herself to wish for anything else to be different.

Becca doesn’t see her dad at all on her tenth birthday. but for the first time since moving into their new house, she doesn’t mind.

her mum seems happier too. but there are still days where she won’t talk much. where she looks just a little bit too tired to laugh it off as a bad night of sleep. they’re always the days after birthdays or holidays or family days where calls to her dad remain unanswered and unreturned.

she’s twelve when Alex whispers to her that her parents are getting divorced.

“my dad doesn’t live here anymore,” Alex says, the confession sudden and sitting in the space between them like something cold and unwanted.

and for the first time in years, Becca thinks she might have someone who understands. her mum gets what she’s feeling in an abstract kind of way, but she’s carrying her own extra baggage so it’s not quite the same. and Alexis was too young to ever know the difference, and Becca is trying not to resent her for it.

but Alex… they’ve talked about it before, mostly Becca rambling and raising her voice. never at Alex though, she would never, but it always just sort of happens when she talks about her dad.

“do you miss him?” Becca asks, silly, she knows. because when Alex had asked her that same question years ago now, she had felt shame when she whispered a yes in answer.

Alex nods, plays with Becca’s fingers, and avoids making eye contact. “does it ever go away?”

“i think…” Becca watches her fingers moving with Alex’s and gets distracted for a second. “i think it gets easier to live with. i hate my dad for leaving, but i love our new life without him.”

and that’s the first time Becca’s said it out loud. she’s always alluded to it, and she thinks Alex has always probably known, but it feels better actually giving life to the words.

“and i don’t think your dad is anything like mine,” Becca says after a beat. “i think he’ll still want to see you all the time.”

and then Becca wraps Alex in a hug, tight like the one when she was eight and terrified and hopeful and so uncertain.

the dying sunlight casts a pretty glow over Alex’s face when they separate, and Becca thinks she feels the flicker of deep understanding in her heart before it vanishes again.

but something stays, hums beneath her skin, thunders through her veins. a promise of something more waiting ahead.

she's fifteen when Alex drops nervously into her backyard from the tree. Becca still finds it odd that Alex does this—climbing the tree like they're eight and seven again—but loves it and can't find the words to express it to her.

Becca quirks her head to the side just a bit when Alex doesn't greet her with her usual energy and zest for life.

"okay, i'll bite," Becca shifts so they're facing each other, knees touching, "what's up?"

"nothing."

Becca nudges Alex's knee with her own.

"okay, it's not nothing, it's just... Chris asked me to hang out after school tomorrow and i thought it was, like, a friend thing, so i mentioned it to Kaitlyn and then she got weird about it and said it was a date. even James was being weird about it."

"oh, i didn't— do you like Chris?"

and it's strange that Becca doesn't know the answer to that question. they've been something parallel to best friends for years now, and never once in that time have they talked about crushes.

years from now, Becca will understand everything about that subconscious choice and line in the sand, and how she hadn't realised she'd buried hope for something else deep in her chest.

she understands absolutely nothing about that in this moment though. not the angry coil she feels tighten in her stomach or deafening echo she can hear in her ears.

what she does understand is that Chris likes Alex. Kaitlyn likes Alex. and James probably does too.

Alex shrugs. "as a friend, yes. as... i dunno, that, i have no idea. how am i supposed to know?"

Becca doesn't answer right away, because even though she does sort of know how you know—she's talked about it with Madison—putting it all into words for Alex just seems so impossible.

"i think sometimes not knowing is part of it," Becca finally says. "like you're supposed to just give it a go and figure out what liking someone is supposed to feel for you."

"oh, okay." Alex nods and meets Becca's gaze. "so do you think i should hang out with him after school tomorrow?"

"yes," Becca says with a shrug, and it will take her a while to figure out why she hates herself for saying that.

they don't say anything much for the rest of the afternoon. they exist together quietly and do their homework in Becca's room when it gets too cold to stay outside. and then just before Alex leaves so she can make her curfew, she hesitates and looks at Becca like there's something she's trying hard to understand as well.

they don't talk at all the next day, in fact, they don't really talk again for a while. Becca sees Alex and Chris holding hands out front the school a few days later. a week later she watches from beside Madison during lunch as Kaitlyn gets this pained look in her eyes every time she looks at Alex. it takes a month before she realises she hasn't seen James around Alex and Chris at the same time.

and then the school year ends and Becca's dad sweeps back into their lives with the promise of an exciting summer on the West Coast to make up for lost time.

she doesn’t tell Alex she’s leaving for three months. doesn’t say anything at all. Alexis makes one of those annoying comments that are surprisingly spot on about how she seems irritated.

Becca snaps at her sister, hates that she does, but just can’t help it. her dad says nothing though. Becca doesn’t even think he notices that something's growing inside of her. some mornings, Becca even thinks that her dad forgets he invited them to stay with him for the summer.

but it’s fine. Becca works on her tan on the beach while Alexis plays in the sand beside her. it works, and by the time she’s back, she hardly remembers being in such a sour mood to begin with.

Madison wraps Becca into a hug as soon as she arrives at school for the first day, and launches into a million questions about her trip. Becca smiles, answers them all, and hardly notices the thing humming beneath her skin when she catches Alex staring at her.

Chris is no where to be seen, and Kaitlyn and Alex are huddled close together by her locker. Becca says nothing to Alex, but she can't bring herself to look away just yet.

"did you hear me?" Madison says, amusement on her face.

"huh?" Becca shakes her head and finally tears her gaze away from Alex.

"i was asking if we're still on for the party on Saturday night."

"oh, yeah, of course."

Becca kisses Chris at the party on Saturday night and makes a point to make sure that Alex sees it. she doesn't understand why she does it, but she does understand that everything starts to slowly fall apart from that moment on.

Chris follows after her for weeks and months after that and Becca lets him. Becca talks to him and lets him put his arm over her shoulders when they eat lunch together.

she's not sure if she likes him yet. but she remembers what she said to Alex almost a year ago, about how they're learning how it feels to like someone.

all she really learns though, is that she doesn't like Chris, not like that anyway, because he is lovely to be around and talk to. but his arm doesn't feel right around her waist, and his hand feels too big in hers, and his lips against hers are just— she understands that it's not supposed to feel like this.

Becca tells Chris all of this—most of it, because all of it might hurt his feelings, and Becca does care about him—and he seems hurt for a while, but on the last day of January, Chris shows up at her front door.

"Chris?" Becca stares at him for a second, not quite believing, and then she steps outside with him and gently closes the door behind her. "what are you doing here?"

"i know we aren't, like” —he gestures his hands widely, searching for the right word— “together, anymore, and this isn't some ploy to try win you back."

"okay?" Becca folds her arms across her chest and she can hear some of the iciness returning to her voice.

"i just wanted to tell you that i get it," Chris says.

"get what, exactly?"

"why we didn't work. why we were never going to work."

"go home, Chris." Becca's already turning to head back inside, but then Chris reaches for her arm so gently and carefully that she stops and turns back to listen.

"sorry, no, i didn't mean— i just think there's something that you're missing."

Becca says nothing, but her silence is enough encouragement for Chris to continue.

"i know you and Alex are, like, best friends, or were anyway."

"i— we..."

"i'm not asking for an explanation. you don't owe me one. but i noticed that you guys don't talk anymore."

"so?"

"i spent months trying to figure out how to ask Alex out. it was always you two together, even when you weren't together, it's like you still were. like no matter how hard i tried, she would never see me."

"well, she did. she went out with you. she dated you."

"yeah, and then she broke up with me while you were gone."

"oh, i thought..."

nothing, really. she knew that they had broken up—Madison had filled her in on everything she'd missed when she got back—but Becca had never really thought about why or how. she thought they'd just fizzled out.

"i didn't know that," Becca says.

"i figured. i think that's part of why i wanted you in the first place. because she didn't want me, and you two are— were close. if i could have you then it would be like having her."

and that hits Becca in the heart. stabs a knife into her and twists and presses in again and again. but beneath all the gushing pain, Becca thinks she understands because—

"and i think that's why you wanted me too."

Becca says nothing for a long time. she goes to sit on the front steps and after a moment, Chris sits beside her.

"assuming you're right, then that's pretty fucked up."

"yeah." Chris shrugs. "but i think it's supposed to be."

"how come?"

"because you have to realise how fucked it is and reconcile with it and make a choice that really scares you."

"assuming it's true," Becca says, and it feels pointless to say now.

"right."

"and assuming it is true," Becca says, "what choice would i have to make?"

she sees a warm smile light up Chris's face, and it instantly puts Becca's mind at ease.

"talk to her," Chris says like the answer is obvious and simple.

a few minutes later, Chris leaves and Becca stays outside in the cold for a little while longer. when she does finally go back inside, she's met with her mother standing in the entrance way.

"was that Chris here?" her mum asks.

"were you listening?"

her mum shrugs. "i heard part of it."

"which part?"

"the part where he thinks you should talk to Alex."

Becca nods and looks at anything except her mum standing there with her apron and whisk and looking like the warm mother she's spent years growing into. Becca doesn't realise she's crying until she's in a hug and her mum is whispering quiet reassurances into her ear.

she goes out to her backyard that night, long after her mother and sister both went to bed. Becca shivers against the cold but digs herself in firmly and refuses to budge.

she looks up to the stars that she can't see hidden behind the dark clouds and begs them to help her understand. the stars are quiet and Becca is left to figure it out for herself.

she's seventeen when she goes to a party and runs into Alex. Becca glares at her from across the room, grips her red solo cup just a little too hard that the cheap tequila-sprite mix in it spills up over the rim. because she understands more now, and she's almost certain that Alex has understood this whole time too.

"hey," Alex says, flashing that openly, earnest smile that has always managed to calm Becca in a way she can't explain.

"what are you doing here?" Becca spits, and that thing inside her, that thing that has been gently humming beneath her skin, begs her to take it back.

"it was an open invite. and i actually wanted to—”

"i don't care what you want."

hurt flashes in Alex's eyes. "i didn't mean—”

Becca doesn't stay to hear the rest of it. she turns on her heels and moves deeper into the party.

later in the night, when the music is pumping through Becca's veins and she's given up on drinking because nothing tastes good and it all just hurts, she goes upstairs to find the bathroom. the house is massive—a lot like the one she used to live in before her parents got divorced—rooms for the sake of adding space that won't ever actually be used.

it takes a while to find the door to a bathroom, and when she does, she stumbles inside and presses her back against the door, allowing it to close softly behind her. she slides down the door, looks up, and finally realises someone else is in here with her.

Alex. sitting in the bathtub. her legs hanging over the edge.

"what are you doing?" Becca says as she stands and straightens her skirt.

"i was here first."

"right, but why are you in the bathtub?"

"what do you care?"

Becca scoffs and rolls her eyes but gets into the empty bathtub and sits right beside Alex.

“what are you doing?” Alex asks.

“something’s obviously wrong.”

Alex just stares at her, studying and trying to understand.

“what?” Becca shifts, uncomfortable under the intensity of Alex’s gaze.

“why did you leave me?”

“i didn’t—”

“right after Chris. is it because you liked him? because if you had just told me i wouldn’t have gone out with him.”

“it’s not because i wanted Chris,” Becca snaps, because it hurts her and digs deep into her heart that Alex thinks she would choose Chris over her. “i never wanted him.”

“then why did you kiss him?”

and it’s in that moment that Becca realises just how close they are now. her side is pressed flush with Alex’s, their hands are daring to be the first to touch, and their lips. Becca watches Alex’s eyes fall to her lips and it’s like time stops and starts again all at once.

“i think you know why,” Becca says, her tone soft and open and ready for whatever big, scary thing is coming next.

“yeah, but i want you to say it.”

“i wanted you.”

Alex surges forward and closes the already small space between them. she cradles Becca’s face in both her hands and gently rubs her cheek with her thumb.

“it was always you,” Becca says when they finally pull apart for much needed air.

“when i first saw you, i thought you were the prettiest girl i’d ever seen. i knew i wanted to know you.”

“you’re a sap.”

“the sappiest.” Alex punctuates this with a kiss. “your sappiest sap.”

Becca hums and allows her head to fall gently against Alex’s shoulder.

“wanna get out of here and get some food?” Alex asks after a few long moments of comfortable silence.

“like a date?”

“not like a date. a date.”

“always.”

when Becca is eighteen, she walks the stage at her graduation and looks out into the crowd of proud parents and friends to find her mum, sister, and Alex sitting and cheering with them. her dad isn’t there. she hasn’t spoken to him since that summer where he forgot she existed everyday. and Becca thinks it’s perfect.

a year later, she goes back to her old high school and watches as Alex grabs her diploma too, with Alex’s parents sitting to her left, and her mum and sister on her right.

she thinks in that moment at nineteen that she finally understands everything she hadn’t growing up. there’s a lot more new stuff that she doesn’t understand now, but her favourite person smiles and waves at her from the stage, and in that moment, Becca thinks that’s okay.

[queerchoicespb]

why does this keep happening?

in which accidents keep happening.

OR, aren't accidents just the most romantic thing to ramble about for a few thousand words?

-

the first accident, as it were--and years later, Becca will insist that it was an accident--happens at some stupid club.

the lights are low, the music loud--and Becca can feel it beating along with her heart--and the drinks are dirt cheap. she vaguely recalls some neon sign above the bar about all the spirits being five dollars.

she slams back another shot; can't quite remember what number it was but doubts she'll be capable of much tomorrow. there's a delightfully warm buzz that worms its way through her body, making her feel light and easy, and then she spots Alex through the throng of people. Alex with her stupid smile and stupid hair and-- gah!

she's with a group, Becca notes, a few people. Chris, she picks almost immediately and feels some green insult form in her mouth, the girl she saw with Alex at the welcome week fair--Kaitlyn, she thinks her name might be--and a few other people she doesn't recognise.

but then Alex looks over at her, looks confused for a moment, and then she winks and smirks. stupid, see?

the night crawls on, some of her sorority sisters leave, and Becca's squished in tight in the middle of the dance floor. she screams the words to a song she hasn't listened to in years, but still somehow doesn't miss a single word. it's dumb really, how much fun she's having.

she gets bumped--accidents happen in clubs--stumbles into some girl, and ends up with a drink all down the front of her dress.

"shit."

Becca's head snaps up to the voice. "Alex," she seethes.

"it was an accident, i swear." and to her credit, Alex does have the decency to look apologetic.

"right." Becca sneds her a glare that Alex answers with some stupidly apologetic grin.

she shuffles between the groups of drunk people and past couples making out on her way to the bathroom. there's a line, of course, and the bathroom is clouded in a smokey haze that almost makes it a bit hard to breathe. becca stumbles over to the bench of sinks and uses the cold water and paper towels to dab at her dress and arms.

"hey, i'm really sorry about your dress," Alex says, and Becca didn't realise Alex had followed her.

"can you just leave me alone?" Becca snaps back.

"i'll pay to have it cleaned, i promise i didn't mean to--"

"what part of leave me alone aren't you getting?" Becca turns to face her fully now and accidentally stands way too close, but she'll be damned if she backs away first.

"no yeah, i know, it's just--"

"just what?"

and there's definitely nuance and things to unpack, but she's a little drunk and Alex is standing so close, or maybe she's the one who's standing too close, and Alex's eyes are definitely flicking between her lips and eyes, and accidents happen all the time in club bathrooms.

she kisses Alex.

she kisses Alex or Alex kisses her or-- whatever. the point is that they're kissing in a club bathroom and there's nothing really to make of it. because accidents happen all the time and they're both a little drunk and Alex's hands feel both good and bad on her hips where they trace a gentle pattern that burns through her skirt straight to her core.

they spring apart a second later, realise what they just did, and before Alex has a chance to open her mouth and say something stupid, Becca leaves. she stumbles out of the club and out onto the busy street where she flags down a cab and heads home for the night.

-

there's a party, her party. it's a sorority thing, so Becca's antsy and she'll never admit that she's kind of nervous and on edge. she clings to Chris' arm for most of the night, feels too warm and too much, and it's just not right, but she pushes it all way because this needs to work.

and then she sees a familiar head of hair and her stomach flips. the only reason, she decides, that she leaves Chris' side and follows after Alex, is because she doesn't want Alex to mess something up.

she follows Alex through the house and walks right into her when she rounds a corner.

"watch it," Becca snaps with way too much aggression.

"you bumped into me."

"and you were..." she doesn't actually know.

Alex looks at her, waits for her to finish her sentence but nothing comes. and Becca can feel her eyes wanting to drift.

"how's Chris?" Alex asks instead.

"you sound jealous," Becca says, and maybe she wants Alex to be.

Alex shrugs and takes a step towards Becca. "i just wanted to check in. especially after... well..." she allows her fingers to ghost over Becca's hand.

and if that were it, if Becca scoffed and walked away, she could forget about it all and wouldn't need to write away this entire interaction as yet another accident.

"an accident," Becca hears herself say, and then another accident when she doesn't pull away from Alex's hand.

she kisses her quickly again. surges forward, sucks in a deep breath, and winds or arms around Alex's neck to pull her in just a little bit closer. another accident, she guesses.

hands wander--accident--and Becca nips at Alex's lip--accident accident accident.

and then someone comes walking down the hallway and they spring apart before their accident becomes something else. Becca backs away, puts more space between them, and doesn't say anything as she turns and leaves.

-

there are more accidents as the year drags on. there's the time when Becca finds Alex alone in the library late one night. that happens right after her break-up with Chris so it's... there are a few accidents that night.

she throws razor-edged words at Alex, wants them to cut deep and burn.

Alex fights back; begs Becca to understand that she didn't mean for this to happen. she doesn't say anything as harsh but she gets close to Becca so her words stick.

and it's when they're breathing the same air that Alex surges forward and kisses Becca hard. the accident comes when Becca kisses Alex back and twists her hands in Alex's hair and moans her name and wishes for it to never end.

there's the end-of-quarter dance when Becca watches Alex dance and laugh with her friends and definitely gets caught staring once or twice.

there's the whole fiasco with the play at the start of their winter quarter, and how Becca and Alex fight so aggressively about the casting that they don't realise how close together they are until they're breathing the same air. Becca had stood, speechless, and Alex had backed away, her eyes wide and not speaking a single word.

but there is no accident quite as big as stumbling into some hole-in-the-wall bar after a fight with her dad and finding Alex all alone in a back corner booth.

she's not sure if the accident is walking into the bar or sliding into the booth across from Alex or taking the time to talk and listen and understand. or maybe, really, the accident comes when she lets the tips of her fingers brush over Alex's.

"it's late," Alex says, not moving her hand away and watching the way Becca's fingers move against her own.

"yeah."

"i should go."

"you could come back to the sorority," Becca says, and maybe the real accident is saying that out loud. "it's closer than the dorms."

"sure."

the car ride to the sorority is awkward. the walk from the curb to Becca's room is awkward. it's all awkward even though they were just fine an hour ago in some crummy little bar. and it shouldn't even be awkward now because aren't they sort of making progress in an odd kind of way?

somewhere between closing her bedroom door and Alex opening and closing her mouth for the fifth time in an attempt to fill the silence, Becca thinks, screw it, and pulls Alex in for a messy kiss that's all teeth and tongue.

she pushes Alex back towards her bed and only allows their lips to separate once she's got Alex seated in front of her.

Alex opens her mouth to say something, probably something stupid Becca guesses, but before she has a chance, Becca takes her dress off in one quick motion and straddles Alex's lap. that seems to shut Alex up for the rest of the night.

they wake up together the next morning, and Becca decides that that is the real accident. but then Alex has the gall to ask Becca how she slept. has the audacity to be nice and funny and actually kind of sweet as she gets dressed and sits at the end of the bed to put her socks and shoes back on.

"we should-- i mean, we could, absolutely zero pressure-- but we could do this again if you wanted?"

they could, technically. technically. but accidents aren't planned. you can't plan an accident. to plan to do this again--as much as Becca loathes to admit she might just want to--would ruin absolutely everything.

no, this was an accident.

except the whole night can't possibly be an accident. an accident is small. fixable. forgettable. a whole night though, that's massive. it spans hours and has so many decisions and choices, and at a certain point, you have to take a little bit of personal responsibility for making the same choices over and over again, when you knew exactly where they'd lead you.

and there's also the small, slightly relevant detail that, unlike accidents, this is not forgettable.

oh no.

Becca's walls shoot back up immediately and she answers Alex's question with a hum as she picks at a loose bit of thread on her bed sheets.

"right, well, see ya' Becs."

Alex leans in to kiss Becca bye, but Becca turns her head and Alex plants a kiss on her cheek instead. and Becca knows that she can't even call that an accident. turning her head, just like the hurt that flashes in Alex's eyes, is unforgettable.

-

Becca doesn't see Alex for the rest of the quarter. and that could actually be an accident, probably the only legitimate accident if she's being honest with herself. because she's been busy with exams and sorority stuff and her parents are just kind of... bleh at the moment. so she hasn't really had a lot of time to spend thinking about Alex.

and then there's the spring fling.

she doesn't plan on going, but the sorority house is empty and cold and quiet. there's also only so much ice cream and trashy TV can do to ward off the icy loneliness she feels settle in her chest.

her phone buzzes from its place buried in her blanket. a message from Alex wishing her well for the summer break and god why does she have to be so sweet?

Becca's ready to leave in less than forty-five minutes--a personal best for her, but now's not really the time for that.

the dance is in full swing by the time she shows up, and it almost feels like walking through a fairytale with the fairy lights strung up and music and gentle laughter coming from nearby couples. it's actually kind of perfect.

she scans the crowd as she walks through it--not looking for Alex, but also not not looking for her. she spots a few of her sorority sisters, makes awkward small talk with Chris when they bump into each other while getting more drinks, and then finally, she finds somewhere quiet to pause for a moment.

"hey, stranger."

Becca feels herself smile and has to tamp it down before she turns around. "Alex."

Alex comes to lean against the gazebo railing beside Becca and maybe stands just a tad bit closer than strictly necessary.

"i didn't think i'd see you tonight," Alex says.

Becca answers with a shrug. "disappointed?"

"hardly. but what are you doing all the way over here by yourself? i figured there'd be a line of people competing for your attention."

"are you competing for my attention?"

"do you want me to?"

Alex doesn't answer right away, instead she looks at Becca, like she's considering how she wants to make her next move. "i did actually want to apologise, if i came on to strong or if i was reading everything wrong."

and god this is painful, standing here and listening to Alex apologise for something that she doesn't need to apologise for. it's like the universe is asking her to make a choice. telling her that she can't keep twisting things into accidents to avoid facing her feelings.

Becca places her hand on Alex's arm and waits until she feels Alex lean into the touch before saying, "you didn't read anything wrong."

then she leans in and kisses Alex, and the last thing she wants to do is pretend that that's an accident.

[queerchoicespb]

Olay loved the first kiss prompt very much. Can i ask a hot makeout session after they had their first date for Mc and Becs

it’s not technically their first date. Becca doesn’t know what the exact number is, but it is the first time they’ve acknowledged what it is out loud.

it feels significant, important, and Becca feels a cold coil of nerves twist in her stomach. they aren’t doing anything big.

“just a movie,” Alex had said.

“a movie date?” Becca had said, because she needed to make sure. needed them to be on the same page about what they were about to do. because it’s one thing to spend an entire quarter quietly hooking up and sometimes going out together—but not together together—it’s another thing to go see a movie together out in public where anyone from Hartfeld can see them.

“yeah. is that okay?”

Becca had smiled softly and nodded. “more than.”

“great!” Alex leaned across the kitchen island to place a quick kiss to Becca’s cheek. “meet you by the front door at seven.”

it’s almost seven now and Becca’s been dressed and ready for the last hour, but she can’t bring herself to go downstairs. can’t settle her mind because what if this is when it all goes wrong?

Becca shakes her arms and shoulders. she looks at herself in the mirror on the back of her bedroom door, and tells herself that this is Alex. Alex who is kind and selfless and actually likes her. that last bit is still taking some getting used to, but every time she thinks about it, it fills her with warmth.

she goes downstairs at seven on the dot and Alex is by the door. as soon as she sees Alex, Becca feels herself relax.

“hey.” Alex smiles at Becca from her place by the door.

Becca jumps the last step and stops right in front of Alex. “hey.” she hesitates for a second looking between Alex’s lips and over her shoulder to the kitchen.

“Zack’s in there making dinner so if you aren’t—”

Becca kisses her. she throws her arms over Alex’s shoulders and presses a firm kiss to her lips. it’s a little easy to get lost in. a little easy to forget they’re still standing by the front door of their shared house.

“what was that for?” Alex asks, and her eyes look a little hazy and there’s some of Becca’s lipstick smudged against her lips.

Becca shrugs and cleans the smudged lipstick away with her thumb. “felt like it.”

Alex grins and presses a quick kiss to Becca’s cheek. “we should go so we don’t miss the start of the movie.” she takes Becca’s hand, lacing their fingers together and calls back over her shoulder to Zack in the kitchen. “we’re heading off!”

Zack sticks his head out and waves them off. “have fun and make smart choices!” he doesn’t even bat an eye at their joined hands.

their movie date doesn’t feel like a date, but in that really good way where it’s just two people spending time together with no pressure or expectations. it’s easy. Becca reaches for Alex’s hand as soon as they find their seats near the back, and Alex offers her jacket when they’re walking back to the car when she sees Becca shiver.

Becca keeps her hand on the centre console as she drives them home, and Alex takes her fingers and gently plays with them. Becca hopes that everyday can be like this.

“i had fun tonight,” Alex admits as they walk up the path to their house. “thank you for coming.”

“thank you for asking.”

they’re at the front door now, standing just off to the side. Alex is leaning against the front porch railing, and Becca is looking at her not looking at her.

“is this the part where i try kiss you and we awkwardly say goodnight?” Alex asks.

“bit hard to do that when we live together.”

Alex hums, her gaze fixed firmly on Becca now. “does that mean you don’t want me to?”

“want you to what?” Becca knows, of course, but it’s kind of fun to play this game. pretend that it’s a first date and they’re both gittering balls of nerves. they never got the chance to indulge in firsts like this together. they sort of did everything all out of order—living together before a first official date.

“make a move. woo you.”

“woo me?” Becca quirks her brow up and steps into Alex’s space.

“you know, like…” she trails off, gesturing with her hands in the air. when Becca stops in between her legs, Alex’s hands fall from the air to settle on her hips.

“like…?”

Becca leans forward, still waiting for Alex to finish her sentence but also sort of hoping that she doesn’t because this is just so much fun.

“like… um…” Alex’s eyes go a little cross eyed in her attempt to keep them locked with Becca’s. their lips are so close now, they can feel each breath, each subtle and careful movement. “fuck it.”

Alex surges forward and captures Becca’s lips with her own. it catches Becca little off guard but she sinks into it and matches Alex’s enthusiasm.

Alex’s hands slide down from Becca’s hips and over her ass. she squeezes and Becca moans into Alex’s mouth.

“bit much for, um… for a first… first date,” Becca says when Alex’s mouth moves to her jaw and then neck.

“want me to stop?” Alex pulls away just enough to smirk.

“don’t you dare.” she pulls Alex back in, kisses her firm and hard, and slips her tongue into her mouth. Alex moans and Becca thinks she could spend forever chasing that sound.

“inside?” Alex asks.

Becca nods and leads Alex by the hand inside. they’re so giggly and lost in their own world that they don’t see Zack, Chris, and Kaitlyn all huddled around the TV watching a movie.

“and what sort of hour do you call this?” Zack says, voice firm like a father but smile bright like a best friend.

“you promised to have her back by eleven,” Chris, this time, says.

Becca isn’t sure who their playful teasing is directed at, but she doesn’t really care. it feels warm in the only way that family can.

“we’re very disappointed,” Kaitlyn says as she shakes her head but there’s a beaming smile on her face.

Alex flips them off in the way that best friends do and turns her full attention to Becca.

Becca suddenly doesn’t care that tonight was technically a first and that they’re standing in their living room with their best friends. she kisses Alex firmly and smiles against her lips when their friends cheer and wolf whistle.

she pulls Alex over to the second couch and settles herself comfortably against her side.

“what are we watching?” Becca asks.

Alex grabs the blanket from the back of the couch and tosses it over both their legs.

“some holiday horror flick Kaitlyn found,” Chris says as he offers them the bowl of popcorn.

“perfect.” Becca brings her legs up to rest across Alex’s laps.

they resume the movie and in the dark and gentle quiet around them, Alex leans in to whisper in Becca’s ear. “will you go on another date with me tomorrow?”

Becca nods and leans in to kiss her gently.

[queerchoicespb]

you know that part of the freshman book 3 when the LI is jealous if you tell them that zig is hard not to notice while he’s checking you out? can you do something similar but with becca as the LI?🙊 doesn’t matter if the barista is zig or someone else I just need some jealous becca😂

Ohhh, I had a good idea about that yesterday night, but I kinda passed out as soon as I touched the pillow...I sort of forgot what I was thinking, but I think it was something like this 😅

Eyes on me

Pairing: Becca x MC (Alex)

After a bad day of writer's block, Alex was frustrated and stressing over her thesis. It was coming along well, but writer's block is a bitch and now she was just staring at her laptop's screen with a frown on her face.

Becca found her like that, and took it upon herself to help her girlfriend.

The blonde took the laptop and put it aside, causing Alex to look at her in surprise -not having heard her in the room.

"Becca?"

Becca smiled and sat on Alex's lap, immediately Alex placed her hands on Becca's hips to give her support and keep her from falling off.

"What-?"

Her words were interrupted by Becca's soft lips upon her own, and Alex was quick to get lost in it.

A couple of kisses later and all thought about her thesis dissapeared.

A little out of breath, Alex stared at the rosy hue on Becca's cheeks, feeling a doppy smile forming on her lips.

"What was that for?"

Becca hummed with a playful smile on her lips, "can't I kiss my girlfriend when I want?"

Alex chuckled, "well, I'm not complaining."

With one last peck the blonde pulled away and stood up.

"Come on. We're going out." Becca said while typing something quickly on her phone.

Alex tilted her head in confusion, "where?"

"To get a coffee."

The brunette's eyes settled on her laptop and she sighed.

"I was working on my thesis."

"No, you weren't. You were locking at it as if you were about to destroy your laptop." Becca rolled her eyes playfully and then grabbed Alex's hands to help her stand up. "Come on, I texted everyone, we're taking a break."

Alex wanted to argue, but she knew Becca was onto something. She did need to take a break, and spending time with her friends and girlfriend did sound nice.

"Fine."

Becca smiled victoriously, and Alex couldn't help herself. She tugged Becca towards her and kissed her, feeling her girlfriend's smile on her lips.

"Alright, now we can go."

Becca rolled her eyes playfully, and taking hold of her hand they both walked out of their apartment.

.

All her friends seemed to be in need of a break, so Alex was happy they joined in the outing.

The coffee shop inside campus was full of people, so they decided to go somewhere outside Hartfeld. They settled on a coffee shop not far from there.

Alex was chatting with Kaitlyn about the new songs her band was releasing. While Becca was a little behind, talking with Madison, who they casually met on their way.

They were a big group, but fortunately for them, the place was almost empty, aside from a couple sitting on a corner.

There were two people working, and they didn't seem to mind their group joining some tables together.

They settled down while looking at the menu.

Suddenly Alex felt Kaitlyn nudging her from the side.

"What?"

"Have you seen the cute barista?"

"What?" Alex repeated and turned to see, she caught the redhead girl staring - who at being caught turned her gaze away with a blush on her cheeks. "Huh..."

"She is cute." Chris said from Kaitlyn's other side, all the while smoothing out his hair.

"I guess she is easy on the eyes." Alex replied, but as soon as she did, Becca scoffed by her other side.

"'Easy on the eyes', did you forget about your pretty hot girlfriend?" The blonde said with a frown on her features.

Kaitlyn and Chris turned their attention elsewhere, pretending to be distracted.

Alex turned to Becca, "how could I? My girlfriend is gorgeous." She said with a confident smile while taking hold of Becca's hand and placing a kiss atop her hand.

Becca blushed and turned away, making Alex chuckle.

.

Their orders were placed and one by one, their names were being called to go get their drinks. The group was already laughing along with each other, all college stress forgotten.

Alex heard her name being called, she was the last one receiving her order. She stood up from her sit and approached the counter.

The redhead girl, with a nametag that read 'Rose' smiled shyly and handed over Alex's coffee.

Being close, her eyes caught sight of a strawberry cake on display. She remembered how much Becca loved the dessert and instantly asked Rose for a piece of it.

"How much is it?" Alex pointed towards the cake.

"It's okay. On the house." Rose mumbled while tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, and looking at Alex through her lashes. "A pretty dessert for a pretty woman."

"Oh...that's nice of you but I-" Alex fidgeted knowing she had to let the girl know she already had a girlfriend.

"Is something going on here?"

Speaking of the devil.

"Becca..." Alex smiled at the sight of her girlfriend, but Becca was glaring at the barista. "I got you your favorite." She tried to distract her by offering the dessert.

"Oh, strawberry cake! Babe, you know how to spoil me!" Becca's eyes shined with both excitement and mischief.

Before Alex could react, Becca pulled her towards her and joined their lips together.

As with any other of their kisses, Alex got lost in the sensation and forgot where they were.

Becca pulled away with a smirk and taking the plate with the piece of cake, she sauntered back to their table - where all their friends acted as if they hadn't been staring at the interaction before.

Alex turned to the barista, who seemed a little embarrassed and sad.

In the end she couldn't not pay for the dessert that Becca took. And Rose didn't try to insist on giving it for free either.

Is it a bad place to end it? It feels a little odd, I don't know...but I can't think of anything else either.

I hoped you liked it anon 🤗

[queerchoicespb]

Becca being able to guess that Kaitlyn wasn't straight was one of the funniest things about the freshman. There should have been more jokes about how good her gaydar is.

[queerchoicespb]

I recently played through Becca's route again and was reminded why I love her so much. I don't know if you've ever done this, but have you ever done a relationship analysis for Becca x mc? I love the way you write them and am curious how you view them. :D

i’ve definitely touched on briefly here and here why i love them so much individually and together but i’m always happy to share more of my thoughts.

i think the big appeal for me is the transformation of their relationship. like growth and change are such fundamental parts of being loved and loving someone in return, so to sort of see that in their relationship… it just really hits deep in my heart.

we watch them change individually for, i would say, the first four books of the freshman series. and we are given small moments throughout where we get to see how they interact and navigate this change. and then at the end of book four we get to see this really sweet moment where the MC invites Becca to be part of something significant to her. like it’s obviously a turning point in their relationship, but i think the fact that it’s about trust and openness that only exists because of their individual change and transformation often gets lost when people talk about their relationship.

and then as the series continues to progress we get to see how they’ve both matured from when we first met them to how they then exist together. and you can just see that so much of their relationship and developing love is based on respect. and they started as enemies, so obviously they need to change and respect each other or else it just wouldn’t work! and i actually think the junior does a really great job of showing just how far their relationship has come. for all its faults, the junior is a story that focuses largely on the MC and her relationship with herself and her partner. it’s probably the first time we see them at their most adult. it’s been a while since i’ve played the book, but i just remember thinking about how authentic their relationship felt. looking back it’s definitely so similar to moments in my own relationships when i entered my 20s.

and then, after all of this, we get rewarded with the senior, which yes does have its own issues, but does actually feel like such an authentic end to their story. so much of what the MC goes through there i went through and am currently going through, so i know just how hard it is to not only make time for another person, but to also get lucky enough to find someone who has obviously spent a significant amount of time reflecting and learning and growing.

so to summarise:

they grow individually which allows them to grow together

their relationship is born from a place of understanding and respect

they approach issues in their relationship with the knowledge of what it took to get them there