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dating someone who understands your mental health is so important. there's people who will make you feel terrible for things you can't or don't know how to control yet
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can’t drown my demons they have pool noodle thingies
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me: I should do laundry
my brain: you should die
me: touché
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how tempting it is to stop existing when you’re already barely here
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“are you okay” no bro i constantly feel like i am too much but simultaneously not enough
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I'm just so tired of being here
(These are my poems, my dms and ask are always open)
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Self harm doesn’t always happen when a blade touches skin.
It’s skipping meals because you don’t feel like you deserve to eat today. It’s having sex because you want to be used or abused or defiled. It’s drinking recklessly because you might have the ‘courage’ do something stupid. It’s smoking - not because you need the nicotine - because you know it’s bad for you. It’s banging your head against a wall when you’re angry. It’s crossing the road without looking because you lowkey hope a car might hit you. It’s thinking about all the ways you could break a bone and make it look like an accident. It’s not taking painkillers because you want to suffer. It’s taking painkillers in excess because you know it’s dangerous. It’s walking home the more dangerous way because you’re kind of half hoping you’ll get attacked or raped or stabbed. It’s going for long walks at night and getting chilled to the bone and hoping that you get lost so that you can’t find your way back. It’s seeking out triggering material. It’s all the stupid little ways you punish yourself for existing.
Sometimes self harm happens when you put effort into depriving yourself of things you like or need, and sometimes it happens when you don’t put any effort into doing the things you like or need.
It’s a pattern of self-destructive behaviour, and it doesn’t only happen in one way.
This sort of behavior is classified as “para-suicidal” It’s putting yourself in a situation of danger or destruction with the intention of risking your safety rather than a direct attempt on your life. Kind of, leaving it all to chance? Also doing things to harm yourself or your self worth because you feel you deserve to feel the outcome of those actions.
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I can feel it happening again. I'm slipping away. There's a hole in my chest. I'm spending money on things that I don't need. I can feel myself spiraling. I'm at the point where I need to decide whether I should just let it happen of exhaust myself by trying to fight it. It's such an endless cycle. When will this end? Why can't I just be normal for once?
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My brain sometimes does that thing where it convinces me that no one loves me and that my friends actually hate me. It takes all my strength to not cut ties with them.
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I thought I was getting better. I honestly did. But now I'm laying in bed at 4am, trying to figure out what the fuck is wrong with me and why I'm never enough.
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sometimes I just get so sick and tired of fighting just to survive.
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I never gave up on you even when you gave up on me.
— r.r.
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