quantumhyeop - Tumblr blog

quantumhyeop · 1 year ago

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i love apocalypse fics, it's so interesting to see what people do in such a desperate situation and the original trio definitely went through a lot. i also loved reading your descriptions.

the songs in your playlist were peak (burn it is such a good song). also damn, that ending hurt so much.

in the fire | sung hanbin

⇢ pairing: hanbin x reader

⇢ warnings: dystopia au, zombie apolocalypse au, angst, some fluff, slow burn, major character death, vomiting, blood, gore, violence, explicit language, mentions of/implied assisted suicide (this is the best way to describe it)

⇢ synopsis: a deadly virus has broken out and left the world in shambles as everything you once knew gets flipped upside down and you're fighting for your life alongside your best friends. the three of you decide to follow a pair of strangers to a city that supposedly has an entire community of people, but you didn't realize the amount of horrors you would have to endure along the way.

⇢ word count: 19.08k

⇢ note: i am SO proud of how this turned out, it's one of my favorite fics i have written to date. the plot moves kind of fast but i feel like that happens with most zombie apocalypse media, so i hope you guys don't mind. if you want to listen to the playlist i listened to during the making of this while you read, here it is. i hope you enjoy :]

“y/n, wake up!” the deep slumber you were in felt as if it didn’t last very long due to the familiar voice of one of your best friends, taerae, shaking you awake.

you groaned, stirring around beneath your covers, swatting his hands away from you, “what, taerae? i was sleeping so good.”

“that’s not really important right now,” his voice was hushed, a hint of anxiety laced within his words. it was extremely unlike him, and within mere seconds you were opening your eyes and staring at him, sitting up from your cocoon, brows furrowed in concern, “what's wrong?” you asked, observing him as he began rummaging through your bags hanging on the back of your bedroom door.

he tossed your largest backpack at you, “we need to go, within the next few minutes, actually. pack only the essentials.”

“why?” you inquired, swinging your legs over the edge of the bed and touching your feet to the chilly hardwood floors. you were greeted with silence, trying to get your tired brain to catch up with taerae’s actions of grabbing some of your personal hygiene products and tossing them on the bed next to you.

you become frustrated with the boy, snapping, “taerae, what is going on? you can't just barge in here and tell me to pack some of my shit and then not tell me why.”

he stopped dead in his tracks, shoulders tense and a sigh slipping past his lips. he turned to face you, the fear he was feeling clear on his expression now. you searched his face for anything that might be an indicator of what it was, but the words he uttered were something you never expected, “there was just a nationwide announcement broadcasted on the tv that said the most recent round of flu shots contained a nasty string of some virus in it and it's mutating in people’s genes,” he explained, “the people who got it are going crazy and freaking out on everyone around them. biting them, clawing at their skin, swallowing whatever bits of flesh they can get their hands on. it's complete madness. they want everyone to travel to some hospital a few hours north of here.”

you couldn't help the way your jaw fell slack at his gruesome words. people eating other people? there was no way this was happening. you were surely dreaming, or taerae was pulling your leg and taking it a little too far; it wouldn't be the first time he's done something like this during your time being friends with him. you shook your head, balling up one of your shirts and chucking it at him, “stop fucking with me, dude. i can't believe you woke me up for this.”

“i’m being dead serious, y/n,” the bewilderment in his eyes and the nervous bobbing of his adam’s apple was hard to miss, “ask hanbin if you're really that skeptical. you know he would never seriously joke about something like this.” he took your backpack from your hand and began shoving things inside of it, motioning for you to seek out hanbin and find out for yourself.

you pushed past him and out into the hallway, feet padding gently against the floor into the living room where the television was quietly humming in the background. you focused your attention on that, snagging the remote from the coffee table and turning the volume up. on the screen was your local news channel, an anchor braving what seemed to be utter chaos behind them.

/reporting to you live from the streets of atlanta. since the news of the virus outbreak, madness has struck the city. people are in a frenzy, desperate to get out and find some sort of safety. it is highly advised you form a group with whoever you are near now and leave as soon as you can. i will provide you with more updates as they com-/

before the reporter could finish her sentence, someone came barreling up behind them, snapping their neck cleanly. you watched in horror as the reporter’s body crumpled to the ground and the culprit followed suit, crawling on his hands and knees to get to the exposed flesh of their neck. the culprit sniffed deeply before he began ripping their throat out, blood pooling near their head and their face quickly becoming unrecognizable. the look in the culprit’s eyes was nothing short of evil and you felt as if you were going to vomit just watching.

“y/n, there you are!” the sound of hanbin's panicked voice caused a wave of fear to course through your veins. you yelped in surprise, quickly whipping around to face him, taking in his expression, a backpack of his own secured on his back not going unnoticed by you.

this was real. and it was serious.

you felt tears well up in your eyes at the sight of him, still digesting what you had just witnessed on the television. he glanced over at the screen, catching a look for himself, and was quick to shut it off so you didn't have to see anymore. he approached you gently, but you were quick to cling to him, desperate to be grounded, to have a sense of security after being woken up to such intense news. you felt his arms envelope you in an embrace, his hands cupping the back of your head as you whispered, “i’m terrified, hanbin.”

“i know,” he consoled, trying his best to keep his voice steady, “i am too, but we can't let that control us right now. we have to be logical and level headed. let’s go find taerae and get out of here.”

you nodded, pulling away from him, feeling your heartbeat speed up in your chest at the way he wiped your tears away, the softest of smiles on his face. he tilted his head in the direction of your bedroom, and you followed behind him, shaking your head at yourself. now was /not/ the time for you to be dwelling on the crush you developed on him. at this point, you weren't sure if there would ever be a time, but you were hardly worried about it.

you entered back into your bedroom, having seen taerae was almost finished with packing your backpack full of things. you thanked him quietly and apologized for freaking out on him a few minutes prior, earning a small smile from him in return, “i understand why you didn't believe me at first, so it's really okay.”

“so what’s the plan?” you asked, now taking the bag from taerae’s grasp and slinging it over your shoulders.

“i suppose we attempt to get wherever they're saying to go,” hanbin answered. you looked outside of your window, catching a glimpse of the chaos a few streets over, a cynical laugh erupting from your lungs, “looks like that’ll be easier said than done.”

the three of you made a collective decision to at least try, because maybe you'd be guaranteed safety that way. you stayed clustered together tightly upon exiting the house through the front door, every sense on high alert as you kept your eyes peeled out for anyone you suspected might be infected by the virus. you felt as if your heart was in your throat, adrenaline coursing through your veins in a way it never had before.

you slunk to taerae's suv, opening the doors to get in as quietly as you could muster, though you knew it would be harder to keep its old doors from squeaking too loudly. you hopped in quickly, desperate to get out of there and to a place where you wouldn't have to fear so much, and hopefully live in peace until this entire thing blew over.

out of habit, taerae shut the door loudly, and the panic that sank to the pits of your stomachs was enough for taerae to kick it into high gear and speed out of your neighborhood as fast as he could. loud, gutteral shrieks from infected chasing after the car could be heard – the sound was unmistakable. you tried your hardest to keep your head down, to not look, because you genuinely felt like you'd throw up at any given moment.

but your efforts were cut short from the sounds of the tires screeching and taerae yelling, your gaze flicking up to see a body toppling over the hood of the car, blood splattering on the windshield and oozing from their mouth from where they'd likely just gotten done devouring someone. silence hung thickly in the air, the three of you processing everything that just happened.

“i just ki-”

taerae’s words were drowned out by the sound of you wretching in the back seat.

ii.

you never made it to the hospital. there was far too much chaos, and by the time you’d made it to a gas station, everyone had used up every last drop trying to top off before they drove up there. the three of you ended up having to completely abandon taerae’s suv, and despite the sheer amount of infected surrounding you, somehow, you survived.

your new routine had been set in place for quite some time now. find a shelter, scavenge for supplies, and repeat for a couple weeks. then afterward, you would relocate. it was really the most you could do, considering every place you deemed worthy to make a hideout ended up being overtaken by more infected than you could usually handle. you were getting pretty sick of constantly having to move around, having no stability.

you missed life before the outbreak.

it took weeks for you to adjust to seeing so much blood, or having to kill infected who hadn't completely rotted away, some eerily intact despite the virus taking hold. it took an even longer time to adjust to /killing/. it was never something you imagined you would ever have to do in your life, but by now, about a year and a half later since the outbreak, you were immune to it and it didn't bother you anymore. regardless, you still longed for the days where all you did was complain about work and bills.

having taerae and hanbin around made things a lot easier; especially hanbin. he naturally assumed the role of leader within your small group, and even more so if you had others tagging along with you. but just barely a week ago the last person of a group of about 5 you came across got bit and succumbed to the infection, leading to a huge scare of taerae potentially getting infected himself. thankfully, he wasn't, but the prospect of losing either of them to the virus made you feel nauseous.

your tasks for each day were split up so none of you experienced extreme amounts of burnout. some days were dedicated solely to rest, though all three of you felt incredibly guilty when you did that. at any given moment, you could be attacked. or not have enough to eat. or even die. one thing you all had learned the hard way was that you were never guaranteed to live through an entire day.

which led you to your current situation of trying to sneak around a nearby general store in hopes of finding some sort of supplies with taerae while hanbin protected the house you were currently inhabiting. since losing the last of your new group, you often found yourself wishing you could have at least a few more people so nobody was left alone. knowing that hanbin was currently by himself made you uneasy, especially since he couldn’t defend himself against more than two or three infected, or even other people, at once. you shook the thoughts plaguing your mind away; there was no time to think about things like that.

besides, you knew hanbin would be fine. he always was.

you gripped your knife tightly in your hand, allowing your eyes to constantly scan the aisles while you were searching through boxes in hopes of finding anything you could use. you had come to this place a couple of times since settling down a couple weeks ago, but it was nearly empty now. your food supply was running out at an alarming rate and there was only so much you could ration between the three of you before you would inevitably starve.

the moment you came across anything that was edible, you could have cried. it was the millionth can of beans you had come across since you’d been traveling and you were tired of them being the main component of your diet. it was no wonder it was some of the only food left no matter where you went. people still hated beans, even in the midst of an apocalypse.

you carefully stepped over large chunks of broken glass to avoid making too much noise so you could stand next to taerae, who was dejectedly kicking around some garbage that was of no use to any of you. smiling sadly, you asked, “have you found anything?”

“not really, no,” he answered, “i think another group of people came through here and took a bunch of supplies we had seen when we were fighting that mob last week. bastards.”

you knew how frustrated taerae was getting with unsuccessful supply runs. admittedly, you were feeling the same way. it was hard not to have a temper. but, you were actively trying to make sure you didn’t let it crush your spirits too much. if you did, you knew that it would not only bring your motivation to keep searching down, but it would take a toll on everyone else around you as well. that was the last thing you needed, especially since things were looking more and more grim each day.

“have you found anything?” he asked.

you sighed, “other than a couple cans of beans and a box of cold medicine, i haven’t come across anything worthwhile.”

taerae softly whined, and for a minute, you thought he might throw a tantrum, “why does everyone leave only beans? that’s been our diet for what feels like an eternity.”

“i know, but be glad we find anything at all. it’s better than nothing,” taerae huffed in annoyance, but ultimately agreed with your sentiment.

you followed taerae out of the store, careful not to let the door slam shut behind you. making one loud, uneccessary noise would more than likely lead to your deaths, and that wasn’t particularly something you were looking for by any means. you both refused to leave hanbin on his own. you were doubtful he could survive alone, especially if he were to encounter a lot of infected at one time.

there was nobody who was capable of that.

you set off down the road toward your current hideout. night time was creeping up on the two of you, and while you were sure the you could take on a small group of infected together, you knew you couldn’t handle any more than that. you peered over to your partner, taking note of the sour expression adorning his features, and nudged him playfully, “a little success is better than nothing at all, you know.”

“i do,” he attempted to fight the smile creeping at the corners of his mouth, “maybe you’re just bad luck. every time i go on a run with hanbin, we always find so much.”

“hey!” you exclaimed with a light laugh.

taerae shrugged, a small chuckle emitting from his lungs, “you didn’t deny it.”

you fell into a comfortable silence, the only audible sound being your boots thudding against the pavement. you felt a shiver course down your spine; this would be your second time going through this apocalypse in the winter months. it was hard to ignore the fact that it was starting to get icy out and the wind was cutting right through your thin jacket and down to your bones. you leaned a little closer into taerae, who was practically grinning from ear to ear as you did so.

“i take it you’re cold?” though he was teasing you, his arm instinctively wrapped around your shoulders. you nuzzled closer into the boy’s side, soaking up any bit of warmth he radiated from underneath his hoodie.

“no, i’m sweating buckets,” you sarcastically remarked, completely unable to mask your playful smile, “i’m actually freezing. and i think it’s starting to rain.”

taerae tilted his head up toward the sky, his dark eyes scanning the darkening gray clouds overhead. he audibly sighed, and you took note of the cold droplets of water starting to fall on top of your head and seep into your clothes. he turned to you, “we’re only a couple blocks away from the house, let’s just pick up the pace. we don’t want our asses to get mauled by infected when we’re almost back.”

you nearly stopped dead in your tracks at the sound. it was almost as if taerae was psychic sometimes, and you were hoping like hell you were just hearing things. a deep, throaty growl sounded off behind you once more, and when you turned your head to look, your eyes widened at the sight of a mob forming behind you. you supposed that this was to be expected, especially considering it had grown darker a lot sooner than it normally did, but it still put fear in your heart.

taerae gently urged you forward, “we need to go, now!”

even if the size of the mob was manageable, it certainly did not mean the two of you should take it on. the moment you were to do that, more were likely to start showing up and you would be doomed. taerae grabbed your hand as the two of you began to sprint, his grip on you preventing you from falling any further behind from your slight lack of speed. the rain had become heavier the closer you got to your hideout, skewing any good amount of vision you were hoping to have between your hair plastering to your skin and the weather limiting how far ahead you could see in front of you.

you cursed the month of december; it had always been one of your least favorite months, even before the outbreak, but now it was definitely taking the top spot for your most hated. ice had already begun to form on the road and sidewalks of the neighborhood and your boots were no longer gripping to anything. an intense jolt of pain shot through your knee the moment you lost your balance and smashed it into the pavement. you inhaled a sharp breath, struggling to regain your footing as taerae stopped to help pull you up.

“they’re getting closer! come on, y/n, we’re only a few houses away!”

you pushed your legs to keep going, no matter how much your knee was throbbing or your muscles felt like they were on fire. you desperately searched your surroundings in hopes of finding some sort of familiarity, and the moment you saw hanbin standing in the living room window of your hideout, you felt a wave relief wash over you.

taerae pulled you up the front steps of the porch, making sure you got inside before he did, and kicking an infected back into the crowd and following you so it couldn’t force its way inside. hanbin slammed the door and locked the deadbolt the moment he was able to. your legs felt like jello and there was no mistaking the heavy breathing of taerae as he was hunched over, tossing his bag onto the ground.

“did it get you?” hanbin sounded frantic as he shoved taerae’s right pant leg up, eyes scanning every inch of his skin for a mark of any kind left by the infected he had kicked back.

taerae scowled, shoving the older boy away from him with a smirk, “of course not. i would have felt it,” his gaze softened at hanbin’s solemn gaze, “i’m okay, don’t worry.”

hanbin nodded, his eyes flickering over to your hobbling frame as you attempted to make your way to the old couch you had been sleeping on since being in the house. you winced the moment you put any pressure on that knee, though, and within mere seconds hanbin had his arm snaked around your waist to help you get to your destination easier.

you sat down, exhaling a shaky breath as you rolled up your own pant leg. your entire knee was already beginning to form a deep purple bruise and blood seeped from the small scrape that you figured you would have. you gingerly poked around the wound, mentally cursing yourself for losing your footing in the first place.

“y/n took a pretty hard fall out there, i’m surprised they didn’t shatter their kneecap,” taerae spoke up.

a look of concern contorted hanbin’s face, “are you going to be able to function okay?”

“i don’t know,” you truthfully replied, “i think i can as long as i nurse it or have some sort of support. i also think it would be best if we leave and try to find another shelter somewhere, we’ve definitely overstayed our welcome here.”

taerae scoffed, “are you out of your mind? there’s absolutely no way you can travel with your knee like that, let alone fight off any infected.”

“as much as i hate to admit it, i think y/n is right,” hanbin said, “besides, we’ve wiped out everything nearby that could possibly have usable supplies. there’s no way we can survive on what little we have until y/n is fully healed up.”

“not to mention, it seems like more and more infected are showing up around you here,” you added.

your gaze locked with taerae, who looked as if he could explode at any given moment. you knew he had the best of intentions, but it was crucial you left at dawn. sighing, you reached out and grabbed his hand, squeezing it in reassurance and muttering, “i’ll be okay, i promise. i can hold my own and as long as we wrap my knee up well, i’ll be able to walk normally. you know i wouldn’t say any of this if i didn’t think i could do it.”

taerae finally nodded in agreement, though his expression remained menacing as his eyes flickered between both you and hanbin.

“we better get some rest, we leave the moment the sun rises.”

iii.

it had been a couple of days since the three of you had set out from your hideout. to say you were exhausted was an understatement; you hadn’t found a shelter worthwhile to stay in, so you had to make camp in the most closed off spaces you could, usually in the woods. you hardly slept; it was far too cold to stay asleep for very long at all and if you did manage to get a couple hours in, you felt worse when you woke up.

you had to eat your supply of beans straight from the can because you had no way to cook them. scarfing them down wasn’t exactly ideal, and you dealt with taerae whining about it the most out of all of you. but, food was food, and you were lucky enough to have what you did.

“if this map is correct,” hanbin interrupted the silence as the three of you continued walking down the same road you had set foot on, “this road should take us to the next town a couple miles out from where we are now.”

you felt a pang of excitement hit you, “maybe we’ll find better food there.”

“and somewhere a little more warm to sleep,” taerae added, the eagerness in his voice hard to ignore.

hanbin nodded, “we could probably make it there today if we keep up the pace we are,” he turned to look at you, “can you do that with your knee?”

truthfully, your knee felt like it was going to give out on you at any given moment. hanbin did the best he could with the little supplies you had to stabilize it enough so it didn’t hurt when you walked. it worked for the first day and half, but ever since your last stop to try and sleep, it’s been in an excruciating amount of pain.

you still assured the two with a smile anyway, “i’ll be fine, i promise.”

as the three of you continued your journey, you couldn’t help but feel like every inch of your body was going numb. being out in the cold for the amount of time you had been was definitely not good for any of you, especially since the jackets you had were suitable only for autumn-like weather. snow had begun piling up on the first day of traveling, making things even more slick beneath your boots and the chill in the air to cut through every measly layer of clothing you adorned.

you just hoped that hanbin was right about the town. for everyone’s sake.

— — —

“there’s a stream not too far from here, i’ll go and get some water while you change y/n’s bandages.”

hanbin was currently kneeling on the ground in front of you, teeth gritted together as he tried to keep from shivering too much while he focused on the task at hand, “just hurry back.”

with that, taerae set off into the woods where the stream could be seen from where your spot on a tree stump, his boots crunching the snow beneath them. one of the only perks about winter was being able to see through the usually dense areas a lot easier.

you sighed, frustrated with yourself, “i’m sorry for setting us back.”

hanbin shook his head, “you don’t have to apologize, i know you wouldn’t ask to stop for the day if you were feeling okay.”

“maybe you should just leave me for the infected, i’m more of a burden right now than anything,” you half-joked, one corner of your mouth raising in a smile.

however, the boy in front of you didn’t find it to be very funny. his frown deepened and he locked his dark eyes with yours and grabbed your hand, his fingers chilled to the bone, and a seriousness radiating from his body, “i will never, ever leave you behind, even if it costs me my life. okay?”

“the same will always go for you,” you squeezed his hand reassuringly. you would be an idiot if you didn’t admit the small smile he gave in return made your belly do backflips or the feeling of his hand in yours made you warm up just a little bit.

hanbin taped the remaining bandage together the best he could before rolling your pant leg down, careful not to roll his hard work down with the fabric of your jeans. you mumbled a thank you, standing up to make sure it was still secure and once you gave him a thumbs up, hanbin rose to his feet as well.

by now, taerae made his way back to the two of you, extending the canteen of cool water out to you. taking it graciously, you took a few good sips before passing the object to hanbin.

“what’s the plan now?” taerae inquired, scanning the brush around you in an attempt to find somewhere to set up camp for the night.

hanbin shrugged, “maybe we should wait until morning to finish the hike to the convenience store. it’s almost dark now and i would hate to travel and have that be what kills us,” both you and taerae nodded in agreement.

you parted your lips to speak, “let’s find somewhere to rest then, we have a long night ahead of us.”

— — —

you desperately clung to hanbin and taerae, craving warmth more than ever. you were to the point now that moving hurt from how cold your entire body was. the small fire you had going earlier in the evening had to be put out before you slept so it didn't attract more infected that you wanted, so it was exponentially more difficult than any of your previous nights on the road or inside an abandoned home.

morning began to break through the clouds in the sky, your surroundings illuminated by the dim light it provided to you. the snow glimmered all around you, and bad you not been freezing your ass off, you would have found it beautiful. hanbin began to stir next to you, uttering a quiet, “did you get any sleep?”

“barely,” you mumbled back, taking note of the way taerae was snoring on your other side, sleeping soundly as if he wasn't on the frigid, hard ground in the middle of winter. you envied him, because no matter where you were, he was somehow able to sleep at least a few hours.

hanbin lowly chuckled, “me either, but i’m glad to see it's going well for him.”

you peered up at hanbin through your lashes, taking in the gash just to the side of his right eye that was still healing from an encounter with a hostile group of survivors a few weeks ago. you reached up to touch it, gently tilting his head sideways to get a better look at it. you informed him, “it’s healing really well, i don't think the scar will be all that noticeable.”

“good, i’m glad,” he replied, and you missed the way his eyes followed you as you flipped around on your other side to begin rustling taerae awake. truthfully, you turned away because you were scared hanbin would catch on to the feelings you still somehow possessed for him, but waking taerae was also just as important.

taerae grunted as he woke up, surprise evident in his face; almost as if he were worried something bad was happening, but when he realized it was just you, he relaxed almost immediately. “what time is it?” he asked, and you glanced down at the watch you adorned on your wrist, replying, “just barely after six.”

your morning was pretty relaxed after that. you took your time waking up and even managed to get another fire going so you could defrost yourselves before trekking back out into the snow toward your destination. your knee was feeling a lot better since taking a break and you were able to comfortably walk on it without needing some kind of support from either hanbin or taerae.

your relaxation and bliss of the fire were quickly replaced with dread and hatred toward the cold as you trudged toward the town you were looking for. you still felt better, and your knee was much easier to walk on than previously, so you knew you'd at least be able to make it there while there was still daylight.

a soft gasp erupted from the boy on your right “what’s that up there?” the glee laced in taerae’s voice was hard to ignore upon him catching sight of gas pumps and the building next to them.

you squinted to catch a better glimpse and couldn’t help the grin tugging at either corner of your mouth, “i think we’re here!”

hanbin chuckled, “you two sound like you’re arriving somewhere for a field trip.”

you nudged him slightly, the three of you unknowingly picking up your paces in pure excitement. you pulled out your weapons upon getting closer to the gas station, eyes and ears fully alert for any potential threats surrounding the area – infected or not.

taerae extended his arm, quietly pulling the door open and holding his gun up in front of him as he walked inside. you were the next one inside with hanbin following up the rear, and once you were able to see that there was no imminent danger inside any of the rooms, you put your weapons away.

the sight you were greeted with was enough to almost bring the three of you to tears. there was at least four shelves of food and supplies that hadn’t been touched yet, which was extremely rare to come by at the point you were in with the apocalypse.

“this has been well worth the wait,” taerae piped up, tossing a box of crackers, a package of hot dogs, and a few bottles of water into his backpack, “we finally don’t have to eat stupid fucking beans anymore.”

“and we don’t have to hear you complain about it,” the eldest boy teased, mimicking the younger’s actions as he got a feel for everything there was to offer.

you headed toward the back room, flicking the light on only to be greeted with a few makeshift mattresses the people here previously had left. you searched the drawers of the desk off to your right, greeted with a pad of paper and a pen as well as a few other items you found to be useful to the group.

you tossed everything into your backpack and put it to the side, opting to tidy up the beds so everything was neatly arranged and each of the three of you had a spot to sleep. The padding on the floor was much softer than you expected it to be and you almost screeched in excitement when you stumbled upon a closet filled with thick coats.

as you finished pulling them out of the closet, the other two were entering the room with grins adorning their faces. taerae saw you struggling to hold all the coats at once and came forward to help you, laughing at your misfortune when you dropped pretty much all of them on the floor.

without a word, you began going through them and found ones in your sizes or at least close to them, sighing in content at the feeling of warmth they gave you once you slipped them on. you closed the door to the office, settling down onto the mattresses with the other two.

“do we want to stay here for a little bit before we head out again? or do we want to try and find a house?” hanbin asked, finally breaking the silence between the three of you and the analytical part of his brain speaking for him.

you leaned back against the wall, your eyes trained on the ceiling, “i would be okay with either one. right now we’re at least guaranteed shelter, even if it’s only for a couple of days.”

“maybe we can stay for three or four days and see if we can find a house nearby,” taerae suggested. you all nodded, deciding that was the best plan you could come up with.

you were just glad to have something go your way for once.

iv.

you stirred around on your spot on the floor, groggily coming out of one of the best sleeps you’ve had in months. you felt deliciously warm, sandwiched in between both taerae and hanbin, who were also just beginning to wake up.

you smiled to yourself, propping your body up onto your elbow as your eyes scanned the area around you. it almost felt too good to be true, striking the jackpot with so much in one day. it was very rare the group of you ever had more than enough food to survive for a week, especially if there was more people with you, and here you were with everything you could have ever hoped for. you felt extremely grateful.

“why the hell are you up so early?” taerae groaned, flipping his arm over to look at the time on his watch before he covered his head with a pillow.

you chuckled at him, voice a hushed whisper so you didn't wake hanbin, who was still sleeping peacefully, “i don't know, i just couldn't sleep anymore.”

taerae huffed loudly before eventually sitting up, his hair tangled and messy and eyes still shut as he gained his bearings back. finally, he looked at you, playfully annoyed, and said, “i suppose you and i can rummage around for some more stuff while hanbin rests for a little longer. he never gets enough and he seems to actually be into a deep sleep.”

you peered over at the boy fondly, taking note of his soft snores and slightly agape mouth. taerae was right, and you did everything you could to be quiet before you left. you wrote a quick note on the pad of paper you found the previous day and left it where you slept so hanbin could easily find it if he woke up and you were still gone.

you followed taerae out of the office, careful to not close the door too loudly just in case any infected had wandered in overnight. you seemed to be in the clear, and almost welcomed the crisp morning air as it hit your face and filled your lungs. there were a few other buildings nearby, abandoned cars as well, so you decided to scope them out and see what they had to offer.

as you rummaged through a bag on the ground near one of the vehicles, taerae’s straightforward question caught you off guard, “are you ever going to tell hanbin that you like him?”

you were baffled, to say the least. you glanced up at him, mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water, before you finally managed to spit out, “that is not what i was expecting to talk about while we did this.”

“that's not an answer to my question,” taerae teased.

“no shit, sherlock,” you sarcastically remarked, deciding to keep a box of matches you'd found in that bag. you pondered his question before you answered him as you rose to your feet, avoiding eye contact and feeling yourself begin to blush, “i don't know, i mean, we’re in the middle of an apocalypse, i don't think it's the right time.”

“is there ever going to be a right time?”

his question made your mind start reeling. of course you'd /thought/ about telling hanbin, but you didn't want to ruin your friendship and most certainly didn't want to make things awkward considering you had to be around him until you either died and split off in your own ways. you thought he was way out of your league, anyway. there was no way he would ever like you back. you finally looked at taerae, a smug grin plastered on his face, and you stuck your tongue out, “quit being an ass.”

“y/n has a crush~” he sing-songed, skipping in annoying little circles around you and poking your sides annoyingly. you crossed your arms over your chest, giving taerae a blank stare until he stopped in front of you, his smile even wider now “you're blushing.”

you smacked his arm, earning a yelp from him, and hastily said, “no i’m not, it's just freezing out here.”

the two of you kept rummaging around, and after several minutes, taerae had done eerily quiet. you knew he was probably scheming something, because even amidst hell on earth, he always found a way to pull fast ones on you and hanbin. you shook your head, mentally preparing yourself for whatever it was he decided to do.

but nothing came, and you were beginning to get worried. you had your upper body inside of another car, legs still dangling outside, after seeing one of the windows rolls down, and you were trying your best to grab onto a bottle of rubbing alcohol in the passenger seat. you desperately lunged for it, but to no avail. you decided to see if you could find taerae and make sure he was still alive and breathing.

you attempted to shimmy your way backward out of the car, and felt panic set deep in your stomach at the feeling of something grabbing at your ankles. you tried like crazy not scream, but frantically began kicking in an attempt to get the infected off of you. a growl was able to be heard as it pulled you the rest of the way out the car, but you were able to get leverage and fully kick it off of you. turning around, you reached for your knife on your holster, fully prepared to kill it, but stopped with your hand gripping the handle upon seeing taerae standing behind you, mocking an infected far too well.

“damn it, taerae!” you exclaimed, whacking him on the chest with your hand, “i could have killed you!”

he pointed menacingly, “but you didn't.”

“having fun out there?” the sound of hanbin’s voice broke the two of you out of your bickering, heads turning to see him leaning against the door frame of the gas station convenience store, a small smile curling up the corners of his lips, “looks like he got you good, y/n.”

you groaned in annoyance, “i can't believe you saw that,” you pushed taerae for good measure, “and you thought it was funny.”

hanbin shrugged, laughing along with you, “what can i say, i love a good prank when i see it.”

you continued this little escapade at the gas station for a few days, more because the office was much warmer than outside and less because there was a plethora of supplies. all of the surrounding buildings ended up being a bust, completely ransacked before you even got there. thankfully you had the gas station, but it was only a matter of time before you would have to relocate. again.

the three of you were sat in the office on the foam pieces you'd been using to sleep on, looking at the map smoothed out in front of you to determine your next route. you pointed to a small town north of where you were, but before you could say anything about it, you were pulled from your thoughts at the sound of voices and rummaging out in the main area of the building. you turned to the other two, eyes wide in panic, “do you hear that?”

“yeah,” taerae was already moving to get up, his hand reaching for his gun placed on the desk beside him, “it sounds like people are trying to take our shit.”

“taerae, don’t” hanbin attempted to stop the younger boy from leaving the room, but his words went through one ear and out the other. his impulsivity never failed to amaze you.

you sighed, shaking your head as he opened up the door, completely giving away your location to whatever was out in the main lobby. you rose to your feet as well, quick to follow him out and grab his hand in a futile attempt to pull him back and keep him from going on an unintentional murder spree.

you were greeted by the bewildered gazes of a couple of boys, both very obviously malnourished and freezing, hands up in the air upon seeing taerae’s gun pointed at them. the boy in front of you two spoke up, subconsciously moving in front of the other one in a means to protect him from any harm.

“we aren't infected, i swear, we’re no threat to you,” his voice held both confidence and fear at the same time. you felt your gaze soften at their petrified expressions.

you heard a harsh slap. “ow!” taerae exclaimed, turning around to face the eldest in your group, who had a grin on his face. taerae's hand gingerly rubbing the back of his head.

he looked at the others, “you’ll have to excuse him, he can be a bit of a dickhead at times.”

you shoved taerae’s arm down, preventing him from holding the two at gunpoint any longer. he defeatedly sighed, tucking the weapon away into his pocket. he gave hanbin a scowl before muttering, “sorry.”

“that’s okay,” the taller boy spoke up, “we apologize for intruding, but we haven’t been able to eat for three days now and we were just happy to find supplies.”

“take whatever you want,” hanbin motioned to the shelves in front of them, a kind, gentle smile causing his eyes to take the shape of tiny crescents.

“thank you,” the boy opened up his bag, “i’m gunwook, by the way,” he motioned to the boy standing next to him, ”and this my brother, gyuvin.”

he smiled, giving a small wave, “nice to meet you.”

“nice to meet you too. i’m hanbin, and these are my friends taerae and y/n,” hanbin replied. he seemed almost giddy that you’d come across more people to speak and potentially form a group with.

you cleared your throat, pointing your thumb at the office, “you guys look like you’re freezing, we found some coats if you want some.”

a wave of relief washed over gyuvin, “yes please, this is all we’ve had since winter started creeping up. i’m surprised we haven’t gotten frostbite yet.”

you led him back into the room you slept in, opening up the closet door to reveal the remaining coats. you helped him find his size, and when he couldn't zip it up from how stiff his fingers were, you did it for him, smiling at him afterward. gyuvin smiled back, but it held a hint of sadness. you didn't want to inquire why, especially since you’d just met them.

he sifted through them and picked out one for gunwook. “thank you so much, really,” he sounded more grateful than you had felt when you first found them, “i’ve been really worried about what would happen the deeper we get into winter.”

“it’s not a problem. we weren’t going to use them anyway,” you looked at him as you began walking back to the rest of the group, “are you just passing through or finding somewhere to stay?”

gyuvin made eye contact with his brother, as if he were scared to say anything, but gunwook gave him a nod of approval. he parted his lips to speak, facing the entire group, “we’re actually headed to seattle.”

“for what?” taerae inquired, brows furrowed in thought, “from what i’ve heard, it’s a dead city.”

gunwook chimed in, “a few people we met not too long ago told us they were going out to try and find others to bring back to this community they’ve built and sent us on our way. apparently they have a farm, horses, and a lot more supplies than people like us could ever hope to have,” he seemed so hopeful at the prospect of so many resources.

“if you want, you guys can come with us. it would probably be a lot more beneficial to travel in a larger group anyway,” gyuvin offered, mainly making eye contact with hanbin since he was the one who appeared to have the most authority in your group.

he looked a bit hesitant, scanning the faces of both you and taerae, “do you guys want to talk about it?”

“yeah,” taerae was quick to answer, pointedly looking at the other two, feigning a fake smile, “we’ll be right back.”

the three of you locked yourselves away into the other room. taerae turned around, the expression on his face unreadable, but his words shocking both you and hanbin, “i think it’s a horrible fucking idea.”

hanbin scoffed, “and why is that?”

“these people literally just showed up not even ten minutes ago and you’re giving up our supplies and considering going with them to some community that we aren’t even sure exists,” taerae exclaimed, “plus, we /just/ lost the last of the other survivors we picked up. i’m sick of losing the people we grow close to.”

“i don’t know, taerae, i think we can trust them,” you told him, “besides, it’s better to have a larger group. you have to admit, traveling and finding supplies has been a lot harder with only three of us,” his shocked gaze met with yours and you did your best to reason with him, “they are extremely malnourished and only came to try and find food and you’re mad about that. what if it was us instead of them?”

he opened his mouth to retort something, but quickly closed it and shook his head, staring down at the floor. you gave hanbin a knowing look, a small smile on your face.

he nodded, “it’s settled then. we’re going to seattle.”

vi.

as you walked with your newly formed group, you couldn’t help but feel a little giddy. taerae was right; you were still navigating the feelings of your other group mates dying, but you were still less anxious when there was more of you together. you had almost given up hope that there even was anyone else.

taerae had remained silent almost the entire time you had been traveling. he was still nervous about grouping together with the strangers you had met the previous day, which you understood, but you were confused as to why it was suddenly a problem when you'd done it countless times before. another thing that bothered you was the fact that he was giving both you and hanbin the silent treatment. you scanned the other three in front of you, who were conversing about when they should set up camp for the night, and sighed, grabbing taerae's arm and making him wait until you were a few paces behind. hesitantly, you met your gaze with his, your voice as stern as you could make it when you spoke.

“what’s your problem?”

taerae looked taken aback by how blunt and straightforward you were with your question. his bewildered gaze almost immediately went back to the scowl he had previously been adorning. he shook his head, his response short as he said, “it’s nothing, y/n.”

“well, you sure aren’t acting like it’s nothing,” you retorted, rolling your eyes at how stubborn the boy was being. however, your gaze softened upon seeing his frown deepen, “talk to me. this isn’t like you.”

taerae pondered your words for a moment before finally admitting his worries to you, “i guess i’m just scared.” “scared about what?”

“getting close to them and losing them like we did the others. they could be selfish, too. we don’t know a single thing about them and if we get in a situation where someone’s life is on the line, i fear they’re going to leave us without much thought,” his voice grew quiet upon his confession. you swore you could feel your heart break in your chest at his next words, “i can’t lose you and hanbin.”

you reached out and laced your fingers with his, squeezing gently in reassurance and forcing him to look at you, “as long as you, hanbin, and i are loyal to each other, that’s all that matters, right? all we have to do is back each other up if the other two happen flake on us.”

taerae’s eyes were glossed over in clear appreciation for your words, his grip tightening on your hand, “thank you.”

“you don’t have to thank me. it’s what i’m here for,” you teased, nudging the boy playfully with your shoulder. the smile on his face was refreshing to see after having him upset the entire day since leaving the gas station.

the two of you caught back up with the rest of the group, who had come to a halt to scope out the area surrounding you all. the woods appeared to be significantly thicker, which provided more protection from any of the infected that lurked in the shadows at night. it would also be easier to make a shelter to sleep in overnight.

gunwook turned, asking the two of you, “what do you think?”

taerae was the first to speak, “i think it’s definitely a decent spot for now. it looks like we might be able to have an area for a fire as well.”

to say you were shocked was an understatement. hanbin shared a look with you, a grin threatening to tug at the corners of his mouth. you knew the eldest was worried that taerae was going to stay in his funk for days on end, but the look of relief was enough to cause you to feel it too. the boy winked at you, asking the group, “should we split into shifts to keep watch over everything?”

“i’m not opposed to the idea,” gyuvin piped up, pulling his coat closer to his body. it was clear he was still freezing despite having a lot more warmth than when you first met him, “i can take the first one if you want.”

it was your turn to pitch in, “i’ll join you, it’s best to work in teams of two.”

he gave you a grateful smile. you honestly thought that he’s someone you could wind up being really good friends with. you just wished it didn’t have to be because the apocalypse brought you together.

— — —

the evening came quickly once camp was set up for the night. hanbin and gunwook had managed to get a pretty decent fire going considering the fact that most of the wood you all found was damp or frozen from the snow. you all had welcomed the warmth with open arms.

since everyone was able to take most of the supplies from the gas station, the thin foam that you had used for mattresses the night before were now neatly laid out on the ground in a dense thicket of trees that had already formed somewhat of a shelter. It was certainly a lot better than what you, hanbin, or taerae had made in the past.

one thing taerae was particularly happy about was being able to warm up some of the food you guys had. he even accepted the beans with a smile instead of turning up his nose to them, which caused both you and hanbin to giggle at him.

the five of you sat around the fire, recounting your stories of what happened when the outbreak was first announced. taerae was laughing his head off, stating, “y/n really thought i was joking when i went into their room and told them what was happening.”

you threw a wadded up wrapper at him, “in my defense, he is constantly messing with me,” you looked at gyuvin and gunwook, who were laughing along with you, and joked, “watch out for him, because soon he'll be pranking you guys too.”

“what were you guys doing?” hanbin asked the two of them, and they sat deep in thought for a moment, gyuvin finally telling them, “i’m pretty sure we were staying the night at our brother’s house. if i’m remembering correctly, it was a friday, and we usually did stuff together after school.”

“yeah, it was, i think we were getting ready to go out to dinner,” gunwook added, “and instead of getting in the car normally, it felt like we were the main characters of an action movie or something. ricky drove like a maniac.”

you laughed at the image you had in your head of not only their experience, yours as well, “taerae ran one of our neighbors over when we were trying to get off of our street.”

gunwook’s eyes widened, his smile stretched from ear to ear as he said, “becoming a murderer early on, i see.”

your laughter began to die down as the sun started to set, and your playful conversation turned into solemn ones. hanbin stared at the dancing flames, quietly asking, “i hope this isn't prying too much, but how did it end up just being the two of you?”

gyuvin sighed. you could tell this was a touchy subject, but he was willing to answer hanbin's question, “he got turned not too long ago. we got ambushed by the biggest mob of infected we’ve ever encountered since the outbreak,” his voice cracked as he said the next part, “he shielded us the entire time we were fighting them.”

“he ended up getting bit and made us tie him to a tree so we would have time to run,” gunwook’s solemn gaze made your heart twinge in sadness for them. you couldn't imagine losing hanbin or taerae like that, if at all, and wondered how your new friends were even managing to push through.

taerae gave the pair a close-lipped smile, “it sounds like he was an amazing brother to have.”

“yeah,” gyuvin seemed deep in thought, a stray tear racing down his cheek, “he was.”

— — —

as soon as darkness engulfed the woods, gunwook, hanbin, and taerae settled down and drifted off to sleep, which left you and gyuvin sat by the fire to keep watch over the camp. the boy was sat across from you, his knees drawn up to his chest and his gaze fixed on the flickering flames that illuminated his face. he was practically glued to gunwook’s side.

softly, he questioned, “hey, can i ask you something?”

you glanced at him, confusion painted across your features, “of course, what’s up?”

he sighed. it looked like he was contemplating even saying something to begin with, but finally, after you assumed he won his internal battle, he asked, “does taerae hate gunwook and i or something? he seemed angry when we first met and i don’t want us to intrude on whatever the three of you were hoping to do.”

“no, he doesn’t hate you at all,” you reassured, which caused his shoulders to visibly relax. you fell silent for a moment, gazing over at the boy who was curled up as close to hanbin as the eldest would allow. he looked so at peace, which you rarely ever saw from him. you turned back to the boy across from you, “he’s just incredibly protective of the two of us. it’s really been only us together since the start of all of this and he doesn’t want to lose either of us, is all.”

“i completely understand that,” gyuvin replied, shifting to now lean back against the tree stump behind him, “i hope you never have to go through what we did, that's for sure.”

“could i ask you a question now?”

gyuvin nodded, “sure.”

“i noticed this the other day, but you just seem to get sad whenever i’m around, and i wanted to make sure it was nothing i was doing,” you were hoping that you didn't seem like you were accusing him of anything, and he most definitely didn't take it that way.

he offered a sad smile with his answer, “you just remind me a lot of ricky, is all. you guys are very similar in terms of personality.”

“well, i know i can't ever fill his spot, but i can still be there to support you throughout this entire journey we’re on.”

a small cry escaped gyuvin’s lips as he angrily wiped his tears away from his cheeks, “thank you, it really means a lot to hear that.”

once he collected himself, the two of you fell into a comfortable conversation, telling stories from your childhood and even some crazy ones of times where you thought you were going to die in the midst of the apocalypse. for the first time in a while, you felt content. at peace, even.

you hoped it would happen more often.

— — —

the woods were serene at night when you didn't have to fear for your life. the soft chirps of the crickets, the occasional hoot of an owl, and even the crackle of the fire brought you a sense of comfort and security you hadn't felt for a very long time; since the start of the apocalypse, really. but for whatever reason, you just couldn't sleep.

maybe it was because you were thinking back on your conversation with taerae and the concerns he expressed about losing you or hanbin. or maybe it was the added stress of gyuvin and gunwook’s story. it could have been something entirely different, but you just couldn't doze off for the life of you.

you huffed out a frustrated sigh, eventually sitting up from your cocoon on the ground and scanning the areas surrounding the fire. the only one awake was hanbin, taerae having dozed off again shortly after being woken up for his shift. hanbin insisted he didn't mind, especially since everything seemed to be relaxed, but you still felt bad he had to stay awake entirely on his own.

he glanced over at you, gentle smile quirking up the corners of his mouth as he whispered, “can’t sleep?”

you shook your head as a response, eventually making your way over to his post and plopping down next to him, the fire emitting a slightly warmer flow of air in your direction. hanbin peered down at you, a fond smile ever so slightly on his lips, and you swore the butterflies in your stomach might give your feelings away. instead, you scooted closer to him, resting your head on his shoulder and fixing your gaze on the fire.

you could feel the pressure of hanbin’s head resting on top of yours, his voice almost inaudible as he asked, “do you think anything will ever return to normal? like sometime in the future, do you think there's a chance things will go back to the way they used to be?”

a heavy silence hung in the air as you pondered his question, absentmindedly beginning to pick at a string hanging down from inside of hanbin’s coat sleeve. you could feel your eyes begin to gloss over as you thought about the nights you'd spend pestering hanbin while he attempted to do his coursework for college, or how you'd always give taerae advice on songs he'd written on his guitar. everything was so much simpler, so much /better./

“i don't think so,” you gave your honest response to him, “i mean, everything is destroyed and gone. it'll take years and years to even get rid of the infected, let alone rebuild the entire country to what it used to be,” a shaky sigh from you followed suit to your words, leaving hanbin to think on them.

he clicked his tongue, “then i guess we’ll have to make a new normal, right?”

“i suppose so,” you hummed, “but how would we go about that?”

“i don't know, but hopefully we’ll figure it out.”

conversations with hanbin were always something you treasured. he gave you new perspectives on things that you wouldn't have even considered before and logically thought through everything. you admired him for that, and it was one of the many reasons you developed feelings for him in the first place. but you knew, deep down, that you wouldn't be able to live the life you wanted with him. you doubted he even returned your feelings.

besides, there would always be infected in the way.

vii.

having new friends that you actually got along with made a huge difference in your travels. there was a lot more team work, laughs, and supplies that you were able to get your hands on. it was arguably the most productive you'd ever been and the quickest you had gotten to know strangers. it felt like you were friends for your entire life.

it didn't take gyuvin very long to catch on to your feelings for hanbin, and soon he was teasing you alongside taerae when you weren't in earshot of him. gyuvin’s antics were far less intense, and he asked you lots of questions about why you'd grown so fond of the eldest boy. he listened with open ears and was able to see the mannerisms that hanbin displayed easily after your conversations with him.

it felt nice to just gush to someone who would listen to you.

you were currently attempting to break into a shed to see if there was any useful weapons inside considering gyuvin’s was starting to give out on him. you lunged forward, hitting your hip into the rotted out door, and it gave way easier than you thought. you coughed as dust and wood chips rained down toward the dilapidated floors.

there was a lone infected inside, which was fighting for its life to even hobble over toward you, and you swiftly put it out of its misery, watching in disgust as it crumpled to the floor. you stepped over its now limp body, gyuvin's following closely behind, exploring the shed further than just standing in the doorway. you kept your knife out just in case you were to come across anymore, eyes scanning your surroundings in an attempt to fine something that would hold up.

“i don't think this is a question i asked you yet,” gyuvin broke the silence, “but have you ever considered telling hanbin how you feel?”

you had to hold back from bursting into a fit of laughter, taking a deep breath, before you chuckled, “you and taerae are so similar it's crazy.”

you ducked under a cobweb in front of you, careful not to disrupt it in fear of a spider crawling on you. gyuvin mimicked your actions, inquiring, “why do you say that?”

“he asked me the same exact thing.”

you were now standing in front of a wall of rusted weapons. gyuvin looked slightly defeated, but instead of dwelling on that, he turned his attention back to you, “well, it's not a horrible question. i mean, it's better late than never, right?”

you just giggled at him, crouching down to open up a door on a workbench, “i guess so. maybe i will someday, when we’re in seattle or something. that way if he rejects me, i’ll have a home to go into and sulk.”

gyuvin’s cackle echoed inside the barn. you flared up at him, pulling the machete you found out from the self, pointing it at him jokingly, before you threatened, “keep it up and i’ll cut your head off with this and feed it to an infected.”

“hey!”

you handed your find to gyuvin, who admired it in awe, mouth slightly agape and a plethora of thank you's slipping past his lips. the two of you made your way back outside, meeting up with the other three who were attempting to get a car started, but to no avail. gunwook was turning the key in the ignition but had no success of getting the engine to turn over.

“i take it this whole car thing is a lost cause?” you inquired, looking at the three of them inquisitively. taerae and hanbin had their heads underneath the hood of the car, inspecting the engine in order to, what you assumed, find out what was wrong with it.

gunwook attempted to turn the key again, and while the vehicle made sound, it was more along the lines of grinding than anything else. he finally looked at you and gyuvin, “i think so, we’ve been working on it for an hour now and nothing has worked.”

“i mean, we’ve walked this much already. we really can't miss what we never had, right?” gyuvin reasoned as he attached his new machete to is pants.

gunwook shrugged, “i suppose so,” he looked almost bummed out, “it just would have been nice to take a break from walking.”

hanbin shut the hood of the car, now gaining your attention. his hands were smeared with grease and a fine layer of sweat had broken out across his forehead. you blinked a few times, finally finding it in you to tear your eyes away from him.

you parted your lips to speak, motioning to the road ahead, “guess we better get moving while it's still light out.”

— — —

you’d volunteered to take the last shift of watch for the night. you knew you wouldn't really be able to sleep anyway, so you didn't mind, and would rather everyone else get some well deserved rest instead. this was a common thing for you now, not being able to sleep. you just couldn't get your mind to ever shut up. usually, it was creating the most morbid scenarios, which would either cause nightmares or for you to be so paranoid you felt you had to stay awake.

you supposed that's what came with life during an apocalypse, but it didn't make it any easier. you wished so badly that you could just go back to normal, or that this was just some cruel, twisted dream you could wake up from. but it wasn't, and you were stuck here fantasizing about a life you would never have again.

the fire crackled softly, illuminating the surrounding area in a peaceful orange glow. you could hear the soft breaths of everyone, a slight snore emitting from taerae, and you smiled to yourself. seeing the people you'd grown to care about so still and calm brought a sense of comfort to you, and almost made it feel like you were at a sleepover of some sort.

you heaved a sigh, drawing your knees up to your chest and resting your chin on your arms. you sat like that for a while, mind reeling with all the opportunities you were missing out on, and a stray tear raced down your face. there was gentle rustling next to you, and soon after, hanbin rose up from his place on the ground, a sleepy smile stretching across the expanse of his face.

“i feel bad you're not getting any rest,” his voice was raspy with sleep as he spoke. he shifted his body so he could be sitting up next to you. he extended his legs in front of him, a yawn catching him by surprise, “if you want to try and get some before we leave, i can take over watch.”

you pondered it for a moment, finally nodding in defeat, and began to stretch out on the ground yourself. however, he caught you off guard, putting his lap, and murmuring, “you can use me as a pillow if you want, i know not having one isn't the most ideal.”

you could feel your heartbeat in your throat at his offer, silently nodding as you shifted your weight around, finally settling onto the ground and lowering your head onto his thighs, a content sigh slipping past your lips. you had to admit, he was right, and you didn't think you would be doing this when you first woke up that morning. hanbin pulled the blanket over you, enveloping you in a warmth you hadn't felt in a very long time.

delicately, he threaded his fingers through your hair, and your eyes fluttered shut at the contact. you sighed contentedly, mumbling a soft, “thank you,” to which hanbin chuckled quietly.

the feeling of his hand massaging your scalp caused your body to relax much quicker than you thought it would, and you were soon fighting to stay awake and relish in the feeling of it. before you finally succumbed to sleep, you swore you could could hear him barely whisper, “i’ll be here when you wake up, my love.”

viii.

“y/n, hanbin, wake up!” a voice pulled you from the surprisingly deep slumber you had fallen into despite the frigidly cold temperatures. an extremely panicked voice, though, the person’s hands gripping your shoulder and shaking you lightly in an attempt to get you to hurry.

you shot up from your nest of blankets and hanbin’s legs, body close to taerae the moment you did so. your gaze locked with his, and instantly, you knew something was horribly wrong. he was quick to answer your suspicions, “infected, there’s a lot and we need to get moving,” hanbin cursed quietly under his breath next to you, angry at himself for even dozing back off in the first place.

quick to get on your feet, you began shoving the blankets into your bag - rather haphazardly, might you add - your hands shaking from the anxiety you felt from the situation. hanbin remained close to you throughout the process, packing away the food you guys had left sitting out through the night. you glanced around, taking note that the other three were still within your line of vision, and you felt slightly relieved knowing everyone was still in a general vicinity of one another.

a deep, rumbling growl resonated to the left of you. you turned, being greeted by an infected with outstretched arms haphazardly swinging at you, and his jaw hanging slack as he approached you. his flesh was missing in chunks around his cheekbones and his eyes were beginning to sink in from the disease. his hair was in matted, pale blonde tufts on his head. you’d never gotten the chance to actually see an infected’s features in tact like this before, and to say you were shocked was an understatement. he must have been freshly turned.

you scrambled backwards the closer he approached, pulling your knife out from its holster on your pant leg. however, the pained cry of gyuvin stopped you from killing it right then and there.

“ricky?”

the walker turned his head quickly at the sound of his name and you felt your heart lurch in your chest. the boy was attempting to run forward, but gunwook was able to wrap his arms around him before he could make it any further, “gyu, you can’t, there’s no saving him. you know that.”

you made eye contact with his brother, desperately searching for what to do, but his solemn and knowing expression told you everything. he turned gyuvin around, pulling him close to his chest, one of his hands holding the back of his head as he sobbed, “don’t look, okay?”

to ensure you didn’t overthink what you were about to do, you swung your knife forward, sinking it deep into the side of ricky’s neck. he sputtered loudly, dark crimson blood spraying out from the wound and onto your hand and sleeve of your jacket, some of it speckling on your face in the process. you twisted the knife and pressed your boot to his chest to shove him away as he fell, throwing your bag onto your back in a haste.

“come on, there’s more following in behind him,” hanbin grabbed onto your arm the moment you hesitated, realizing just exactly what you had done.

it wasn’t supposed to be difficult killing infected, yet here you were.

you followed behind him, meeting up with the rest of the group before everyone began to run on the same road you had been following to seattle. none of you really had time to take in everything that had happened in the past five minutes due to the large mob following hot on your trail, their wicked screams echoing through the empty fields that surrounded you.

your breathing was erratic, legs and lungs both burning from the amount of energy you were putting into getting away from them. the road was slick with thick ice and it made it difficult to get any sort of traction. over the yelling, you were able to make out taerae’s voice, “keep an eye out for any kind of shelter!”

you squinted, scanning for anything up ahead that could prove useful to the group of you. however, gunwook was the first to notice something, “right over there! it looks like an old farmhouse!”

you took a sharp turn onto the gravel driveway that led up to quite a tucked away house, pushing your legs to go faster. the sooner you got there, the better it was for the group overall. the mob behind you was starting to lessen the more you ran, thankfully, and by time you got to the front door the five of you only had to kill a few before you could stop and catch your breath.

nobody hesitated to go inside, careful to clear each room and make sure infected hadn’t wandered in. taerae rounded the corner of the kitchen, announcing, “i think we’re safe for now. we should probably rest for a minute before we leave again.”

“would it hurt to explore? see what this place has to offer?” gyuvin asked, the tremble in his voice hard to miss as he spoke. tears stained his face, streaked through the layers of dirt caked on his cheeks and revealing the pale skin beneath it. he was suffering, and rightfully upset, so you knew there was no consoling him until he was able to calm down and have some time to just himself.

hanbin gauged everyone’s reactions, eyes resting on your blood splattered face, gaze softening. he parted his chapped lips, stating, “honestly, depending on what’s here, we could always stay for a few days and actually think of a better plan instead of just winging it and something like this happening again.”

“i’d have to agree on this one,” gunwook replied, “i don't want something like that to ever happen again, really.”

everyone wordlessly began to rummage around in the house, searching for anything that could be useful. you took note of how clean the place was despite the apocalypse occurring in the outside world. you turned into the bathroom, twisting the knob of the faucet on as a joke, only to be pleasantly surprised at the sound of running water. “guys! the water here works!” you called, dipping your finger under the stream, excitement bubbling into the pit of your belly, “and it’s warm!”

“the pantries and fridge are stocked full of food as well,” hanbin piped up, the excitement evident in his voice, “and there’s power? this place is loaded!”

“the people who were here previously must either be out or newly turned,” taerae remarked.

it only brought you to the harsh reality of what had just happened.

your gaze snapped up to your reflection in the mirror. ricky’s blood managed to get smeared across your cheek and mixed into the dirt and grime that had made a home on your skin quite some time ago now. your hand was stained red and your sleeve still heavily damp with blood, which you swore you could smell, and it made you feel sick.

you hurriedly shut the door and fell to your knees in front of the toilet, wretching at the stench and realization that you killed someone’s brother, gyuvin and gunwook’s brother, and you had to live with that for the remainder of time you were with them. a soft cry pushed out of your lungs as you vomited again, completely emptying the contents of your stomach, and you felt you couldn't do it another time. you flushed the toilet and sighed, staring at yourself in the mirror once more.

a quiet knock was able to be heard on the bathroom door and you opened it, greeted by hanbin, who’s eyes were concerned and his lips were contorted into a deep frown. “y/n?” hanbin’s voice was soft, “are you okay?”

and you burst into tears.

hanbin pulled you close, his embrace strong around your body. you were sure you’d collapse onto the ground if he wasn’t holding onto you at that moment. he rocked your bodies slightly, humming into your ear as a means to calm you down in some sort of way, “you did what you had to do. gunwook wouldn’t have told you to do it if he didn’t think it was necessary.”

you tried like hell to get the butterflies in your stomach to go away as he pressed a quick, comforting kiss to the crown of your head. not when you had just killed gyuvin’s brother and you were reaping the consequences of that.

you shook your head, getting ready to respond to him, but were stopped by the sound of gyuvin choking on his sobs as he sat on the couch. gunwook’s voice attempted to comfort him, “i know it hurts, but you and i both know ricky would rather be put out of his misery than stay infected.”

“i could have prevented this all, wook, that’s the problem.”

“don’t do that to yourself. he wouldn’t have let you stay with him no matter the circumstances,” gunwook reassured him, “let’s go see about a bath for you and clean up, yeah? maybe that’ll make you feel better.”

their voices faded away as they headed upstairs. you gripped onto hanbin tighter, fists balled into the fabric of his jacket, letting out your own cry. you wouldn't blame gyuvin if he hated you for the rest of your time together. you would be angry if the roles were reversed, so you couldn't even fault him for that.

“y/n, i think maybe we need to do what gyuvin and gunwook are doing and get you cleaned up,” hanbin was gentle with you, pulling away from the hug slightly to get a better look at your face. his thumb came up to wipe the fresh tears away from your eyes, and you found solace in how nicely he was treating you.

you sat there for a moment, relishing in the feeling, before you pulled out of the hug to avoid getting overwhelmed with any more emotions, shrugging your jacket off to rid yourself of the reminder of what you’d done not even an hour ago. you sat down on the toilet after putting the lid down and allowed hanbin to get a shower started, your entire body going numb in the process.

at this point, you hoped an infected would take you.

viiii.

you felt unusually warm, though you weren’t complaining in the slightest. sighing softly, you shifted around on the mattress beneath you, tired eyes attempting to open but failing miserably. an arm was slung lazily around you, soft breaths of the sleeping boy in front of you the only thing able to be heard other than the rustling of the blankets.

you finally gained the energy to open your eyes, at least halfway, and you were greeted by the sight of a peaceful looking hanbin, his hair sitting beautifully across his forehead and his lips curled up slightly in the corners.

your heart felt like it was found to beat out of your chest. You had cuddled with both him and taerae a number of times throughout your attempts to survive, but never like this. you were the only one in the room with the dark haired boy, eyes trained on his serene face and your stomach doing backflips.

hanbin took a deep breath, his eyelids fluttering open, and he gazed at you with a quiet chuckle. he parted his lips to speak, voice deep and raspy from having just awoken from his slumber, “good morning, sleepyhead.”

“i don’t think i’m the sleepyhead here,” you giggled, poking your index finger into his chest, “i was awake way before you were.” you paused before asking, “how did i end up in your bed, anyway?”

though he woke up with a slightly playful demeanor, it quickly faded with a frown that tugged harshly at his lips, his brows creased and his eyes searching yours, “i figured you were too out of it to remember. you had a really rough night trying to grasp the fact that you killed ricky. taerae had fallen asleep relatively early and i just offered for you to sleep in here so you didn’t have to be alone.”

you were so caught up in the bliss of feeling safe and warm you almost forgot about ricky.

hanbin caught on quickly to your mood change and to the fact that tears instantly glossed your eyes over. he reached his hand out, calloused thumb collecting the liquid as it dropped down onto your cheeks.

“you did what you had to,” he reassured.

all you had to offer him was a sad smile, “it definitely doesn’t feel like it. i wouldn’t be surprised if gyuvin doesn’t talk to me at all, i know if the roles were reversed i wouldn’t say a thing to him.”

he opened up his arms for you, inviting you to snuggle deeper into his chest. you obliged, allowing the boy to hold you while soft sobs erupted from your lips. quietly, he said, “once he realizes you did it out of good intentions he’ll come around. i know he will.”

you nodded, trying your best to convince yourself that what he was telling you had some sort of truth to it. you closed your eyes and relished in the boy's embrace, fearing that he would be able to hear how loud your heart was beating while you laid with him like this. you felt his lips graze your forehead, his warm breath fanning across your skin as he said, “i have something i wanted to tell you.”

you opened your eyes back up at his words, looking at him inquisitively, “what's that?”

“i know now might not be a good time, but i just wanted to tell you that i have a c-”

he was interrupted by the sound of knuckles rapping against the door to your shared room, “hanbin?” taerae’s voice called from the other side.

the door knob twisted and he swung it open, beginning to step into the room before stopping dead in his tracks at the sight of the two of you cuddled up together. his posture was still and something unreadable flashed in his eyes, his tone monotonous as he spoke, “apparently i’m interrupting something, but i just wanted to let you know that gunwook is almost done cooking breakfast for whenever you decide to join us.”

with that, he shut the door rather harshly in his wake, the sound of his heavy footsteps receding down the stairs the only thing filling the silence he left behind. sighing, hanbin was the first to speak, “i assume he’s in one of his moods.”

“probably so,” you agreed with a nod, “i’m going to head down and attempt some sort of damage control. maybe we can finish this conversation later?”

hanbin nodded, “okay, i’m going to change my clothes and i’ll be down after that,” he replied offering you a soft, reassuring smile as you slipped your boots on and opened the door.

once you reached the dining room, you took note of taerae’s hostile attitude as he shoved scrambled eggs down his throat, his facial features set in a deep scowl. he looked up when you entered, shoving his chair back, the legs scraping harshly against the floor. the boy rose to his feet and stalked past you, spitting, “i’m going on a walk.”

“you can’t go alone, it’s too dangerous,” gunwook called out in an attempt to get taerae to stay within the confines of the farmhouse.

taerae scoffed, “i don’t think i fucking asked.”

he stepped out onto the front porch and began walking down the gravel driveway, his hands shoved into his pockets as he did so. you heaved a sigh, “i’ll go with him. i think it’s me he’s upset with anyway.”

“just be safe, we can’t afford to lose anyone,” gyuvin’s voice was quiet, but you still gave him an appreciative smile before following taerae out the door.

you broke into a jog to catch up with his long stride, finally managing to walk beside him. you grabbed his arm, stopping him in his tracks. searching his eyes, you asked, “what’s wrong? did i do something?”

a look of annoyance adorned his face as he shook your hand away, “when i said i was going on a walk, i meant /without you/.” he started walking again, this time his pace much quicker than before in an attempt to get you to go back to the house. however, you were just as stubborn as he was. you stood your ground and continued following him.

“i don’t think it’s very fair for you to be in a pissy mood with everyone and not give a reason as to why,” you snapped, now gaining his full attention as he whipped around to face you, anger evident in his eyes.

“you’re joking, right? /i’m/ the one being unfair?” he scoffed, “that’s rich coming from you, y/n.”

you gave him a dry laugh, rolling your eyes in the process, “i don’t even know what i did.”

“go ask your new boyfriend, i’m sure he could know.”

“so that’s what you’re upset about? we literally just shared a bed,” your futile attempt to reason with him went in one ear and out the other as he turned his back to you again and trudged onto a path in the woods, his fists balled up beside him.

he suddenly stopped in a clearing, his shoulders tensing and his head bowed as if he were contemplating something. he sucked in a breath, though you didn’t expect him to raise his voice at you, “i don’t think you’re capable of understanding signs that are put directly in front of you and it’s so fucking frustrating!”

“i genuinely don't know what you're talking about taerae, please just tell me so we can fix it,” you shouted back, “it's not okay to just yell at me and not give a reason why.”

taerae closed his eyes and took a deep breath, almost as if to calm himself down, and in a completely different tone he said, “i just feel like you and hanbin are excluding me. it's obvious you two like each other and i just feel like an outcast now.”

“first of all, i doubt hanbin likes me back,” you started, holding your hand up to hush him when he tried to interrupt you, “and second, i’m sorry if we have made you feel that way. i never want you to feel sad because of something i have done, so i will do better and fix it.”

taerae nodded, “i’m sorry for yelling at you.”

“it's okay, if you have any other issues just come to me like this instead of getting mad and storming out,” you playfully scolded, beginning to walk back toward the house. hanbin was stood in the doorway watching the two of you, a fond smile on his face.

taerae leaned over, whispering in your ear, “he's crazy about you, trust me.”

you blushed a deep red, smacking him on the arm, “stop it!”

“just speaking the truth,” he shrugged matter-of-factly, unable to suppress the grin on his face as he bounded up the stairs and greeted hanbin, returning to the dining table to finish up his breakfast.

you stopped outside, locking your gaze with hanbin's, trying like crazy not to blush or make it obvious that you were flustered. he was quick to ask, “is everything okay now?”

“yeah, he just needed calmed down,” you told him, laughing as you said, “i’m shocked we didn't get attacked by infected with how loud he was yelling.”

“maybe he scared them away,” hanbin mused.

hanbin allowed you to enter the house first, muttering something about how you should have grabbed a jacket because it's freezing out, and you playfully bantered as you sat at the table with the rest of the group. you were across from taerae, who gave you a knowing look, and you had to look away from him.

it was comical to watch him try not to yell because you kicked him under the table.

your group had made the decision to stay at the farmhouse until you ran out of resources. its owners never returned, never fended you away from their property or supplies, and you sure as hell didn't want anyone else to take it from you. besides, if you could be stable there for a bit, it would give ample time to rest and complete your journey to seattle when it was warmer outside.

spring came quicker than you'd hoped, but while the weather was still unpredictable, you didn't plan on going anywhere. instead, you build a functioning garden to at least try and sustain yourselves as much as possible, opting to grow some vegetables. you mainly took care of them, which is where you were currently, your hands deep in the potting soil in an attempt to move a few of your crops around to some bigger pots you'd found in the shed a couple days ago.

your heart jolted in your chest when a figure crouched down next to you, but soon relaxed upon seeing it was hanbin, offering you a helping hand, “i always feel bad you're out here doing this on your own most days.”

“i don't mind it, really,” you shrugged, scooping up some dirt in your hand and patting it around the plant to stabilize it in its new home, “it brings a little bit of comfort, reminds me of the days before the outbreak.”

he nodded in understanding, helping you finish up what you were doing before he quietly asked, “wanna go for a walk?”

you weren't sure why he was suddenly asking this, but you could use a break to stretch out your legs. you you wiped your hands off on your jeans to shake the excess dirt off, and then ran them under the water spigot to clean them as much as you could. hanbin opened up the gate after you signaled you were ready, allowing you to go first and step down onto the path you used to walk down to the creek in the woods.

a comfortable silence fell between the two of you, the quiet chirps of the birds filling your ears and the cool breeze ruffling through your hair. it was peaceful, and you had to admit, it was bringing you a sense of happiness you hadn't felt in such a long time.

hanbin stopped once he got to a clearing, settling down on a patch of grass by the water and patting the spot next to him for you. plopping down almost instantly, you quirked an eyebrow up at him, questioning, “is there any particular reason we’re here?”

while you expected him to say he just wanted to make sure you were giving yourself a break, he surprised you by answering, “yeah, actually, there is.”

you cocked your head to the side, silently urging him to go on. he nervously swallowed, finally turning to face you, a sudden confidence dancing in his dark irises, “you know that conversation we were having a couple weeks ago before taerae threw his tantrum?”

“yes?” you answered hesitantly, not entirely sure where he was wanting to go with this. you felt the butterflies in your belly begin to dance when you took note of the way his eyes briefly flickered down to your lips, but it was over as soon as it happened.

“well, um, i just wanted to finish that conversation, because it's been bothering me for a while and i just need to get this out.”

his burning gaze met yours, a fond smile curling up the corners of his mouth. you could feel your heart begin to beat in your chest, praying to god he couldn't tell how visibly flustered you were. he reached his hand up to brush a strand of your hair out of your face, parting his lips to speak, “i have a crush on you, y/n, i have for a while.”

while it was a simple confession, it was something you would treasure for the rest of your life. it was a breath of fresh air amidst chaos and fear, something that made you feel like you were floating for the first time since the outbreak. you felt stupid smiling so big, but to mask your hint of embarrassment, you told him, “i have a crush on you too, bin. i feel like it's been obvious.”

“not really,” he said, “i could kind of pick up little hints, but it was nothing too major. you honestly held it in well, i was worried you wouldn't return the feelings.”

“well, i promise i do.”

hanbin took your relaxed stance as a sign cup your cheek with his hand, inching closer and closer, finally muttering, “can i?”

you timidly smiled, feeling a blush creep onto your cheeks, “of course.”

without any hesitation, he closed the distance between the two of you, melding your lips together perfectly. you weren't sure if it was because he was hanbin, and he was perfect already, or if it was because this moment had been anticipated for so long by the both of you, but it was everything you could have ever asked for. he filled you with warmth and made you melt into his touch. your eyes fluttered shut, relishing in the moment before he broke away, his forehead pressed against yours, “i can't wait to do that more often.”

“me either,” you smiled, leaning forward again to steal another kiss from him, “i think i could get used to it.”

the two of you decided to scrounge around and look for any useful supplies before you went back to the farmhouse. you found a canteen and a gas lantern by the water, assuming someone had left it there - whether it was on purpose or not, you'll never know - and attempted to find anything else before you began your trek back up the trail to the farmhouse.

you began laughing the moment you caught sight of taerae on the front porch a “thank fucking god” erupting from

his lips the moment he saw your fingers intertwined with one another. he said something along the lines of it being painful to watch the mutual pining and no one making a move. you nudged him playfully, admitting to him that he was right.

your group would be leaving out within the next few weeks, and you anticipated everything seattle had to offer you, and you could only hope it would be as good as this.

it was close.

xi.

saying goodbye to the farmhouse was a lot harder than you hoped it would be. while you knew it was for the best, it killed you to leave running water, a thriving garden, and cozy bed to sleep in every single night. you knew you would have those things in seattle, but the remainder of the traveling there was going to be difficult, mainly because you'd all gotten spoiled on the luxury of not worrying about where you'll be staying.

you set out on the rest of your journey early that morning, backpacks filled to the brim with supplies and plenty of food and water to get you through what you hoped would only be a week. you didn't run into many issues along the way, and had made an agreement to meet on the outskirts of the city if everything went wrong; and you hoped it wouldn't.

the air was thick with humidity, and the feeling of grime caked on your skin wasn't something you missed by any means. you were filled with hope upon seeing a metal sign on the side of the road, and while it was rusting and filled with holes, you saw the words outlines clearly in white, highly contrasting with the green background.

seattle, 1 mile.

you gave hanbin’s hand a firm squeeze, peering up at him

through your lashes, and feeling tears sting at your eyes. you were finally almost to the place you would call home, where you could get as normal of a life as possible, and you'd be able to do it with your friends and boyfriend. maybe, just maybe, it was finally your time to have something really good happen for you.

“what kind of food do you think they make there?” gyuvin asked, earning laughs from most of the group, and you all began to make small talk of what was to come, unknowingly picking up your pace.

the sun was beginning to set, casting a beautiful glow across the horizon, and illuminating the sight in front of you. it was breathtaking, and making you all the more excited to finally get inside the safety of the gates that lie ahead.

but the harsh reality was, in this lifetime, nothing good lasted forever.

something felt off as you approached the edge of the city. there were no signs of life to be found; you were greeted with empty streets and eerie silence. taerae stopped in his tracks, eyes frantically searching the map, a mantra of “no, no, no” falling from his lips at a million miles a minute.

“what's wrong?” gyuvin inquired, peeking over taerae's shoulder to see if he could figure it out himself, but to no avail. taerae folded up the map in frustration, shoving it in his back locked, and turning to the group to say, “there is no settlement.”

gunwook’s voice held a hint of worry, “why do you say that?”

taerae chuckled frustratedly, spinning around with his arms wide open, motioning to the deserted, crumbling city around you, “we went exactly to the place you said those people told you to, and here we are, with no other person in sight,” he quickly met gazes with you and hanbin, “we're completely doomed.”

“maybe we can try going back to the farmhouse, we were doing so well there,” hanbin suggested, attempting to bring some sort of level headedness to your current situation, but taerae was far from receptive to it.

he began walking around, his behavior growing a little more irrational. he turned around, pointing at gyuvin and gunwook, who both adorned bewildered looks, and stated through gritted teeth, “this is all your fault, i knew we shouldn't have listened to you.”

“kim taerae!” you intervened, catching the attention of the dark haired boy, a glint of anger evident in his expression, “you are being a little ridiculous, we can figure something out.”

“no, we can't,” he scoffed, “we traveled miles and miles and miles to be greeted with nothing, i feel like my frustration is completely justified,” taerae allowed a yell to rip through his lungs, the sole of his boot loudly stomping on a bent “welcome to seattle” sign that had made its home on the crumbling concrete beneath you.

before anyone could hush him, or ask if he was stupid, the resonating sound of infected filled your ears, but it was unlike anything you'd ever heard before. it sent panic shooting straight to the pit of your stomach, and it wasn't long before the filled your line of vision completely.

hundreds of them.

the five of you began to run, desperately trying to stick together, but it was proving to be a lot more difficult than you thought. you heard hanbin holler a “split up” before you headed off into different directions, gyuvin and gunwook together one way, and your original trio the other. you clung to hanbin's hand for dear life, keeping careful watch of taerae to make sure he was keeping up.

you were all too soon met with a fork in your path, and hanbin was quick to think on his feet, letting go of your hand and pushing you toward taerae with an apologetic smile, quickly telling him, “make sure to keep them safe.”

you let out a cry, “hanbin, no!” but it was too late, because he was taking a pipe and banging it on a dumpster nearby, gaining the attention of the infected that had been hot on your trail, and pushing his legs to move him faster down the alley and out of your line of vision.

you attempted to run after him, but taerae grabbed your arm and pulled you back. you shook yourself from his grasp, screaming through your tears, “we can't leave him, taerae,” a sob raking over your body, “please!”

“hanbin will be fine, y/n, he always is,” taerae reasoned with you, “he'll make it back to us and you know it.”

before you could argue with him anymore, taerae was grabbing your arm again and dragging you along with him, attempting to find the edge of the city again. your legs were burning with each push you made to keep running, and by time you finally made it to a clearing, your lungs felt like they could collapse at any given moment.

you desperately looked around, trying to find hanbin, or gyuvin and gunwook, and your eyes finally settled on the trembling figures of the two brothers on the ground up ahead, panting hard and trembling from the realization of the events that just occurred.

you caught up to them, but before you could say anything, you turned around to face taerae, finally allowing the rage you'd managed to keep at bay during that mess to unleash itself on him, “i cannot believe you would put our whole group on jeopardy like that,” you stepped toward him, palms of your hands meeting his chest and shoving him backwards, “you made hanbin feel like he had no choice but to sacrifice himself so we could live, you know that right?”

taerae’s mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water, not knowing what at all to say to you. scoffing, you said, “you are so fuckinh selfish.”

with that, you stormed off, ignore everyone’s futile attempts of getting you to calm down. the three ended up following behind you, making sure to keep your remaining group together as night approached, and you eventually stopped and set up camp for the night, but refused to utter a single word to taerae.

you could only hope hanbin would survive the night.

— — —

you and the other three waited on the outskirts of the city like you planned, anxiously awaiting hanbin’s arrival to your small camp, if it ever came. it had been hours now, and you were still not speaking to taerae, now having graduated to refusing to look at him. his attempts at apologizing to you were futile, because he knew sorry would never be enough to heal the ache in your heart and the constant worrying on your mind.

as the morning sun broke through the sky, you sat in front of the smoldering fire, knees drawn up to your chest and eyes stinging with fresh tears. gyuvin was sat down next to you, his hand rubbing your back in a comforting way, his presence greatly appreciated, but you had a hard time croaking anything out.

a flash of brilliant red came into your vision, causing you to finally tear your gaze away from the ashes before you, seeing a rain of fiery glitter shimmering down from the sky in waves. you blinked a few times, wondering if your mind was playing tricks on you, but gyuvin had stopped rubbing your back in return for staring at the sight before you, mouth agape.

it had to be hanbin.

you began silently packing your things into your backpack, gyuvin closely following suit, but you were interrupted by taerae’s voice piercing the silence, “what are you doing?”

“what's it matter to you?” you snapped, managing to look at him, nostrils flaring in annoyance. he held his hands up in defense. muttering, “i’m just trying to watch out for you, y/n.”

you stepped toward him, teeth gritted and your patience with him wearing dangerously thin. you pointed to the color illuminating the sky, your words assertive, “that could be hanbin, and i’ll be damned if you stop me from going to look when you're the reason this happened in the first place. whether you come or not isn't my problem, but if you want to prove you're worthy of forgiveness, you’ll come with.”

you turned on your heels, back now facing him, and met the determined gazes of gyuvin and gunwook, who signaled they were ready to follow you back into the heart of the city.

you trudged onward, careful not to let the thudding of your boots draw attention to you, and glanced behind your back, taking note of taerae following suit. good.

it wasn't long before you made it through the entrance to the forgotten city, and you slunk against walls to keep a low profile in case a hoard of infected were still nearby. you felt your heart beating in your throat, a layer of sweat now coating your forehead in anticipation for what was to come.

another flare was lit, this time much closer to where you previously were. you dashed across the street from one alley to the next, taking note of the same dumpster that hanbin had hit before he ran on his own path. you figured following it wouldn'td hurt, and led your group onward through the maze of rubble, the stench of the flare smoke now filling your nostrils.

before you could take another step forward, gunwook grabbed your hand and pulled you back down into a crouch, his finger pressed over his lips before he pointed ahead, a bus in the distance, but a crowd of about 15 infected surrounding it. they seemed desperate to get something, and as your eyes trailed up, you realized it was someone.

hanbin.

he looked up, a wave of relief washing over his face upon seeing the four of you few yards away from him, and you fought back your tears as you made a cutthroat motion to the other theee, quietly creeping along the edge of the road, planning to sneak attack the infected.

taerae was the first to leap forward, twisting an infected’s neck with a sickening crack. its body crumpled to the ground, falling entirely lifeless within an instant, and it didn't take long for the rest of you to follow in his footsteps. you swung forward, your motions eerily similar to when you killed ricky months back, blood sputtering out from the infected and soaking through your clothes.

but this time, you didn't care. you continued your actions, the putrid smell of iron and rotting flesh violating your nose, but within a few minutes the crowd was gone, and you were surrounded by bodies on the road. you quickly entered the inside of the bus, noticing there was only a few seats left inside, and a previously made shelter from someone else having been made in the back.

taerae pulled the doors shut to prevent any other infected getting inside, visibly relaxing once he realized your group was safe for now. hanbin slipped down from the top of the bus, his hair disheveled, and exhaustion evident in his expression and body language. you moved forward to give him a hug, but he stepped back, shaking his head at you.

you felt your stomach twist in a knot, “hanbin?”

his next words were ones that would have made you fall to your knees if he wasn't standing directly in front of you, “i got bit.”

it felt as if all the air had been sucked out of the small space, the entire group falling into a dreadful silence.

you blinked back tears for millionth time in the last few hours, swallowing harshly as you met your eyes with his, desperately trying to see if he was pulling some cruel joke. you laughed, “no, no that's not possible! you're fine hanbin, you don't have to pull my leg like that.”

his frown only deepened, and he took a step forward, pulling the sleeve of his jacket up to reveal a gnarly wound on the inside of his forearm, the resemblance of teeth marks deeply penetrating his skin. blood oozed from the gashes, and the flesh surrounding it appeared as though had already begun to rot away.

“what are we going to to do?” taerae asked, and you almost turned around to slap him, but somehow managed to contain yourself.

hanbin’s expression said everything you needed to know. his next sentence was quiet, and had the nobody there been completely still, you wouldn't have been able to hear it, “i’m going to have to take care of it myself, i won’t let the virus take over. i don't want to be one of them.”

“hanbin, no,” taerae said, “we can't just let you kill yourself, there has to be another way.”

“but there's not, taerae,” hanbin’s tone was gentle but firm, “there's no cure, and i won't be able to handle being one of those disgusting creatures,” a tear raced down his cheek, “i have no other choice, unless one of you do it for me, and i would never ask that of you.”

you didn't feel like yourself as the gears turned in your head, before you finally asked, “can we at least say goodbye?”

his eyes softened, and he nodded in return. you let the others go before you, gunwook and gyuvin going first, thanking him for allowing them to tag along, and always making sacrifices to make sure everyone else was taken care of.

you didn't miss the sobs shaking taerae’s body when he went, their hug the tightest one you had ever seen. “i’m so sorry” moving past his lips repeatedly, and hanbin kept reassuring him quietly. the two had a quiet conversation, hanbin’s gaze intensely staring into taerae in what you assumed was advice on how to move forward.

and then it was your turn.

your legs felt like jelly as you collapsed into his embrace, his arms sturdy and the scent of his cologne having barely lingered on his clothes as you burning your face into his chest. you could feel him breaking down, and the two of you cried more than you ever have before. he pulled back a little bit, pressing a deep, loving kiss onto your lips, and you could taste the salt of your tears mixing in between.

he looked at you, adoration in his eyes, as he whispered, “i love you, y/n.”

your bottom lip quivered, and you were barely able to get out an “i love you” in return, relishing in your final moment with him. you shifted a bit, slipping your dagger out from the inside of your sleeve. you pushed it between his ribs, hearing him softly grunt in pain, and a quiet “thank you” coming from him.

he grew weaker by the minute, and you helped him lower to the ground. laying him down on his back and settling down next to him, your hand coated with the warm bloom spilling from his body. your free hand reached up and pushed his hair out of his eyes. thumb moving down to collect his tears as his eyes fluttered shut and the breath left his body.

your pained weeping echoed throughout the barren wasteland around you, and you wanted so badly to turn back time, to do something differently, because if you did, he would still be alive. you'd still be searching for seattle.

but seattle wasn't real, and the boy you loved was taken from you by the very thing you hated the most.

#group: zb1 #member: hanbin #au: apocalypse #genre: angst #genre: fluff #tranquil fic rec

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quantumhyeop · 1 year ago

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this was so, so cute, yohan's totally giving co-parenting yeji vibes lol and it was great to see him and yn supporting her together during her competition. (already getting along with the family, i see.)

yn and yohan's misunderstanding was quite funny, but at least it's all cleared up now. and yeji is so honest throughout the whole fic, haha. kids can never hide their audacious inner thoughts.

of taekwondo & confessions [k.y.h]

Annoying or not, your mom asks you to take your little sister to her taekwondo classes, but you don’t expect to see your once middle school crush being the practice teacher there.

➳ Characters: taekwondo practice teacher!Yohan x female!reader/you

➳ Genre: childhood sweethearts to lovers, fluff, comedy

➳ Words: 3.7k

➳ Warning: -

➳ WEi taglist: @dat-town, @effulgentfireflies, @hyu-won, @littlestartonightsposts, @ishuayou

Keep reading

#tranquil fic rec #group: wei #member: yohan #genre: fluff #genre: comedy #genre: childhood sweethearts to lovers

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quantumhyeop · 1 year ago

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FINDING MEANING — l.dh, s.hb (PREVIEW)

PAIRING: (mainly) haechan x fem!reader, best friend! sung hanbin x reader

GENRE: major angst, eventual fluff, classmates to lovers, super slowburn.

PUBLISH DATE: to be determined.

WORD COUNT: to be determined.

WARNINGS: contains heavy and triggering topics. self-reflection, grief and unhealthy representations of mourning, character death (hanbin), reader goes through grieving process, self-harming behavior and drug abuse. A few sentences in the beginning about weight insecurity, fat-shaming, and weight loss. If any of these topics are triggering for you, please proceed with caution, or skip the fic. You are responsible for what you choose to read. Because this fic has pretty dark and serious topics, MINORS DO NOT INTERACT. Due to the nature of the fic, it will take a while to get into the Haechan x reader part, so if you’re looking for something lighter, this might not be the fic for you hehehe

SYNOPSIS: you had never been good at dealing with loss. with the passing of your best friend still a fresh wound in your heart, you find yourself alone in the dark, left to pick up the pieces of your grief.

then one day, against all odds, you find something that might just be your compass, in the shape of a boy named lee haechan, who swears he will stand by your side to navigate the storm.

And though the pain in your chest makes you struggle to breathe, he chooses to stand with you under the rubble of your broken world, and he shoulders some of the weight.

NOTES: a good friend of mine passed away very recently and I needed to write something to get it off my chest. Maybe this will help me process my grief, or maybe it won’t. But i found the process of this very therapeutic. I sobbed a lot while writing this, just because the main character is a reflection of how I’m feeling currently. It’s mainly a self-indulgent piece. I’ve experienced so much loss in the past few years, and this is a cathartic piece for me.

(Side note) I’m actually kinda nervous to post this since it’s literally my first fic on tumblr but I hope it goes well!

THEY SAY HOME IS WHERE THE HEART IS, and you suppose they are right.

For your home had been left a heaping swelter of smoke and ash, doors torn from hinges and paint scraped from walls. There were no remnants of the solace you once held in your sacred home, now reduced to gunpowder and gasoline, and all that is left is a house that isn’t quite a home, leaving you feeling a stranger in your own house—an alien in your own body—and you can’t help but curse the very person who created that quote because how dare they make you feel so powerless, knowing that you had lost the very one who held your heart, and now you will never get it back.

The irony of the quote is not lost on you. The positive implications; that a home has no bounds, that four plaster walls and a shingled roof don’t fit the criteria. That instead, a home is made of flesh and blood and sweat and tears.

You found your home when you were six. You found him in Mrs. Park’s kindergarten class in the shape of a round boy named Sung Hanbin, with grubby glue stained fingers and paper cuts from the broken origami butterfly he had made you. Your home had a gummy smile and eyes that reminded you of summer days in Busan, and a heart so big, it made your home feel like a castle of gold and ivory. He invited you in and you made it your own, and the origami butterfly was the first decoration you placed on the shelves of your newfound house.

You protected your home when you were ten, earning a month of detention when you used a pair of your mother’s favorite kitchen scissors to cut off Sophie Jung’s long ponytail on the playground after she made him cry by calling him a ‘chubby potato,’ (and at the smile he gave you as you wiped away his tears, you realized you’d gratefully take a year of detention if it meant he’d smile at you like that again).

You’re fourteen when Park Jeongmin spreads rumors about you to your whole grade because you rejected him, and when the whispers start to crawl up your back and dig holes in your mind, Sung Hanbin is there to walk with you and defend your name. He pulled you into his warm, enveloping arms and told you not to listen to the whispers, and yet he was the one who seemed to be stewing in anger. It was the first time you had seen Hanbin angry, and it was the only time he had ever gotten in trouble at school (and after punching Park Jeongmin straight in the nose and getting cleaning duty for the whole spring semester, he told you that he’d do it again if you asked him to).

You both were eighteen when he grew into his body and his beauty finally became noticed by more than just you. You protected him when he overworked himself over and over and over again, when he would run until his knees buckled and his chest collapsed, chasing an unattainable goal built on a road of the insecurities you tried to convince him were his own perfection. You held him when he refused to eat and sat with him when he cried, and you tried to hug his demons away even when they told him he wasn’t trying hard enough. You whispered in his ear that he was worth every bit of love you held and more, that every inch of your home was worthy of being lived in and loved, that it doesn’t matter what shade the walls are or how expensive it was, he was your home and you would never change a thing about it. And that no matter how many people looked at him now that he was conventionally attractive, you had always seen him as beautiful.

It’s New Year’s Eve of last year, and you both are twenty-two and more than a little drunk when you share a kiss. Had you both been more sober, it probably wouldn’t have happened. After all, at a Christmas party a few days earlier you’re sure you saw him ogling the boy from your poli-sci class, Zhang Hao—who had been taking up more and more of Hanbin’s time these days—but yet here he was, the boy who was nothing less than perfect in your eyes, pulling you by your flushed cheeks as the timer ticked down to one, and when the world erupted in cheers as the new year emerged, your ears fell into a calm hush, because Sung Hanbin’s gleaming eyes had fluttered shut and his lips finally met yours.

It was the one and only kiss you guys shared, and yet, despite the alcohol in your system, it was committed to your eternal memory, a vivid painting you had framed and hung in your home.

As the night came and went and the morning took its place, he woke you up how he usually did after a night of drinking; with a cup of coffee, a few ibuprofen, and a plate full of food, and no matter how much you wanted to say something about what happened the night before, you didn’t. And he didn’t either.

Maybe you both were pretending it didn’t happen. Or maybe he didn’t think it was important enough to bring up. Hell, maybe he didn’t even remember it. All you knew was that you were too chicken shit to open a can of worms that shouldn’t even be opened, because you thought it was better to keep your mouth shut if it meant keeping him.

Minutes turned to hours and hours turned to nights. Your calls going unanswered and rain checks from him created a monster inside you named jealousy. He was slipping through your fingers, opening the doors of your house to someone new. You hated the person it made you; hated the person you became. You locked the doors and chained him up. You protected his gold-filled heart because it was worth more than money, worth more than jewels, worth more than anything because he was your home and you couldn’t bear to open the doors to someone he might just like living there more.

Maybe it’s the vile, bitter taste of regret that runs through your veins right now, thinking that maybe if you had told him earlier about how you felt, it wouldn’t have come out sideways. Maybe if you had been less pathetic and scared to let him know, he wouldn’t have walked out the door last night. He wouldn’t have gotten in his car and left. Maybe he’d be in your arms right now, and you’d be joking about how silly Ricky’s hair looked or bickering over what to make for dinner tonight. Maybe if you had said something earlier, an unresolved argument wouldn’t be the last conversation you’d ever have.

They say home is where the heart is, and you suppose they are right. For your heart is ripped out of your chest, artery from artery and vein from vein, laying in the cold, unmoving hands of the boy who you would have died for, and now you’re left with the words you wish you had said, because you could have protected him and you didn’t.

This is your fault. You made him leave.

There’s no recovering from this. There’s no feeling better, because your home currently lies in a coffin, cold and breathtakingly beautiful as ever, and you see yourself lying right beside him because he had taken the part of you that was worth living for. The truth was impossible to reckon with, a pill that you would never, ever be able to swallow down.

Sung Hanbin had died, and he took the world and everything good in it with him.

#tbr #i'm legit excited to read this the metaphors are already so beautiful #expressing grief through art is cathartic #ty for sharing this teaser

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quantumhyeop · 2 years ago

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love how true-to-life this fic’s message is. i think i had to quickly accept the fact that everyone has a unique trajectory and that a lot of my friendships came to an end not through arguments or any sort of major fuck-ups (oh god, the ones that did can certainly inspire fics of their own), but because of distance and time.

keeho’s and yn’s communication skills are pretty high because i can imagine people who drift apart just not acknowledging the rift between them and ghosting the other person until the bond fades to nothing. which to be fair, people have their own lives to live. at least these two have their closure. or maybe it’s closure for now.

i’ve accepted the fact that rifts happen but it still genuinely leaves a tiny hole in my heart, that i once gave someone a piece of me and shared my secrets with them, and now we’re back practically to strangers.

this fic hits (also keeho struggling to pronounce trajectory in that clip… what a mood)

trajectory [keeho]

Sometimes, people just fall apart to fall apart.

➳ Characters: Keeho x female!reader/you

➳ Genre: slice of life, real-life bittersweet, friends drifting away

➳ Words: 1.9k

➳ Warning: mention of losing a pet, stress, insecurities

➳ A/N: The story was inspired by this part in one of Keeho's lives. Also, thank you so much for you all you for supporting my works this year! Wishing each and every one of you a very happy, balanced and healthy New Year! 🥰

➳ P1Harmony taglist: @dat-town, @tranquilpetrichor, @laaylaazyy, @americanokisses, @kuleo26, @hyu-won, @wccycc, @sunooslover, @littlestartonightsposts, @koishua, @seungincore, @s00buwu

➳ Check out: my P1Harmony masterlist

“It’s me.”

The way Keeho shouted this exact sentence into the intercom had never changed. Year after year, time after time, that had always been his signature way of introducing himself. Let it be you or your parents who had picked up your apartment’s door phone, he had always announced his arrival casually and proudly - his tone indicating that he had been glad to enter your home.

You didn’t think that such a familiar sentence - a habit of his by that time - could prick at your skin like a needle pushing through the layers. At first, it didn’t seem to hurt, but then the pain hit out of the blue and all at once - like the waves crashing down on a shore at the beginning of an abrupt summer downpour.

“I’ll go downstairs. Stay there,” you forced the words out, your voice coming out raspy and feeble. You could hear the hesitation in the line - for you had usually let him in instead of going outside to meet him downstairs -, but you had to do it this way. You could feel it coming, and you didn’t want to attach such a conversation to the image of Keeho and you in your bedroom. It would be better if it was played out somewhere else. You had never contacted each other by saying that ‘you needed to talk’ before you would meet up, but now it was time, and you both knew the weight of the upcoming conversation.

“Okay. I’ll be here,” came the answer nevertheless, and you yanked your hand away from the intercom. You took in a deep breath, then told your parents that you would step outside for a bit before opening and closing the front door behind you.

You walked down the stairs instead of taking the elevator, prolonging the conversation as long as you could. As you took one step after another, flashbacks of your teenage years spent with Keeho swang round and round on the carousel of your memories: talking under the watching eyes of the moon, looking for shooting stars on humid summer nights during summer camps that resulted in more mosquito bites than actual shooting stars; having Disney movie marathons on the couch in your flat that was so worn-out by now that a new one was already on its way; checking out so-called Instagram-worthy places with Keeho, roaming around Seoul only to get scared by a passing black cat in the dark, have the worst latte of your life or end up with a sprained ankle on Keeho’s part when he had slipped on a cobblestone; attempting to make viral TikTok recipes only to end up with inedible masses of questionably-looking food and turning Keeho’s family’s kitchen into a warzone; recording TikTok challenges to post onto his account, the one that he said would go viral one day and you wouldn’t need to have a 9-5, you could work for him.

As you turned a corner and passed another floor, brief flashes of tears raining down on notebook pages, talking through sleepless nights worrying about your senior exams, sobs over the passing of your beloved pet and pep talks following outbursts of teenage awkwardness regarding your teenage body and insecurities came to mind; ones that you would have liked to forget, but still cherished so much because they proved you why you were best friends.

Best friends. The word felt like a flicker of light in the darkness now when it had been a huge torch lighting up your life for so long. Your friendship with Keeho had gone through many ups and downs, but the care and empathy you had towards each other had never changed, and that’s why you wanted to talk; because you didn’t want to leave him hanging, you wanted to talk about how you were doing now, and whether you had a future together anymore.

The truth is, when one becomes friends with someone, they don’t think about the end. They might even find it impossible that it could ever end. You had been the same. When you had been going to school together, seeing each other almost everyday, and planning your future in senior year, probably closer than you had ever been before, the thought that it might fade into bittersweet memories one day had never crossed your mind. Yet, here you were, barely speaking, barely catching up, barely seeing each other.

Even though you had gone to different cities to study after high school, you had made it work in the beginning. You had gone back to your hometown at the same time, you had planned trips to visit the other in their uni’s city, and you had talked as if nothing had happened. Yet, semesters went by, and the conversations died down slowly like a candle burning down, the visits back home seemed to never work out at the same time, and even if you talked, it seemed like you had nothing to say to each other, as if you had become strangers in each other’s life. The worst was that there had been nothing grande about it, there had been no big fight, no big misunderstanding, no big secrets, it just all… faded.

Just like the colours of the sky faded into a messy deep-blue when you stepped outside of the apartment complex, and came face-to-face with Keeho. He tried with a smile, but you could tell that it wasn’t genuine.

“Hi!”

Awkward. Unfamiliar. Tense. Everything you had been feeling for some time now came crashing down on you now that you were face-to-face with him. As if the physical body of his made his existence and his footprint in your life more prominent. More painful. More unbearable.

With a heavy sigh, you suggested going to the nearby playground where you had frequently sat on the swings, talking about everything that came to your mind. Now, nothing seemed right, nothing seemed fitting for this occasion.

“I… I don’t know how to start,” you blurted out feebly, playing with your fingers mindlessly just so you could take your mind off the weight on your chest.

“Then, don’t,” came the answer immediately, but Keeho cleared his throat and made an addition before you could question his words. “I mean, we can absolutely just sit here and wait until you feel ready.”

You weren’t sure that you could ever be ready for such a conversation. You knew that Keeho always appreciated your honesty, and wanted you to tell him if you thought he took his jokes too far or he made a hurtful comment or anything of the sort, but you still felt like you were the bad guy now for wanting to bring it up, for wanting to talk about it. On the other hand, the facts spoke for themselves, the lack of messages, the lack of conversations, the lack of hang-outs…

“I just… I don’t know how to describe it, but I think you feel it, too,” you started, truly hoping that it was true, that he felt the same way. He had to, you told yourself. “We’re different and our friendship is different, and everything is different… and I’m not sure I feel as comfortable around you as before. Or that we have things to talk about.”

Your voice was resigned instead of accusing for you didn’t want to start a fight, you didn’t want to start a war. You had too much of a history to accuse him of something that he probably did unintentionally, and he wasn’t at fault. It wasn’t him who made you feel uncomfortable, it was the situation itself. It was that pang in your chest, that twist inside your stomach when you looked at the pictures of you and Keeho on your bedroom shelf, it was that deep, deep feeling inside that it wasn’t the same anymore, and you missed what you had, but you weren’t sure that you could ever get it back.

“You know what I mean, right?”

You looked at him for the first time since the start of your conversation, and saw something flash across his eyes at your question. Something familiar, something close, something deeply connected to a part of you. Keeho looked at you like that when he was about to say something that would put your mind at ease, and when there was a twitch in the corner of his lips, you knew that he was about to speak his mind.

“Yeah, I get you. I think we’re having such different experiences and we live away from each other, we have different friend groups, and it’s just, as you’ve mentioned, different,” he mentioned just as calmly as you had. Neither of you wanted to hurt the other or accuse the other. You were having a conversation, not an argument. “Like Taylor Swift said, everything has changed,” he added as his lips began to curl upwards, and that… that was just so Keeho-like, you found yourself cracking a smile.

“That’s better,” he smiled back at you, fondly and affectionately, and the years of your friendship was squashed into this smile, one that you would never question was genuine. “I don’t want you to feel bad about it. I feel the same way, and I think friendships have their own trajectory. They begin, they soar and they eventually come down. Sometimes… there’s no reason for that, it just happens.”

Seen. Heard. Understood. Despite the jokester he was, Keeho was also very wise, and he handled problems and concerns maturely. For that reason, you should have known that he would understand you, but somehow, you didn’t want to dare that he would, or maybe you wanted him to disagree, to see it differently… so that you could save the friendship, but as he had said, maybe your friendship was coming down to the ground like an air-balloon, and it would never take off again. Or maybe it would, but right now, it just didn’t seem right.

“I had a feeling you wanted to talk about this, and truthfully, I was thinking of bringing it up too, but it just never came to it. So thank you for speaking up about it,” Keeho broke the momentary silence that fell upon the two of you as you were pondering and pondering. You smiled at him, reminiscing about him, about the past, present and the future, and your voice was confident and genuine when you said:

“Me too. Thank you for everything.”

As you sat there beside each other on the swings just like you used to, you saw the old Keeho in him and felt like the old you in that moment. When he stood up to give you a hug while calling you by the nickname he had given you, you reciprocated it, bittersweet yet grateful. Grateful for the you that you had become because of him, grateful for the way he understood still, and grateful for the lesson he taught you that day.

Sometimes friends just fell apart to fall apart - as a part of their friendship’s trajectory, but that was just one of the many trajectories that lined their lives in the past, present and the future.

A/N: Hope you enjoyed this story of mine! Let me know what you think!

If you want to read more stories of mine, let it be for P1Harmony or for other artists, consider signing up for my taglist here.

Hope you have a lovely day/night! Take care! ❤️

#tranquil fic rec #member: keeho #group: p1harmony #genre: slice of life

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quantumhyeop · 2 years ago

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heyy, this is that mutual of duckie's who said she really loved this fic! i am sorta a sucker for survival show stuff and i found yn's background so fascinating! it was so satisfying to watch the dynamic between yn and sunwoo develop, yn's definitely got a lot of baggage they've gotta deal with and i'm glad to see their complex character.

(and i dieeed at the peck scene omg that was so cute.)

when i first read this, the ending of pt. 1 broke me when yn stormed off from sunwoo. they must have felt so hurt, but pt. 2 fixed me again. can't wait to check out your other stories!

[part one] of boundaries and secret glances (i'm lucky to be loved by you) ➵ kim sunwoo

idol!kim sunwoo x ex-idol!reader

as a well-respected independent producer in the industry, you get requests from different companies for collaborations. when you accept to work on chanhee and sunwoo's unit track for their upcoming album, you are left to your own devices as you work closely with sunwoo. who is to say what can happen over the days?

genre/warnings ➵ strangers to friends to lovers (though sunwoo has always had a crush on you since your debut), music and lyrics au, fluff, angst with happy ending, afab reader (they/them pronouns), drinking, kpop mistreatment, mental and physical abuse done by companies, close proximity, sunwoo is a FLIRT!!! and also obsessed with you, LOONA IS FREE HERE!!!, iz*one sadly does not exist </3, boundaries are definitely crossed in the sense that you should not be flirting this much with a co-worker turned friend...

word count ➵ 15.7k words (30.3k words in total)

parts ➵ [1] [2]

taglist ➵ @deoboyznet @kflixnet

a/n ➵ this work has been in the making for a year or two. oftentimes, i find it hard to finish works or put them out since i find myself getting scared of how my works will be received. after reading this for how many times and adding final revisions, i am happy that i get to share this baby to the world! this fic is because of how much i love the movie "music and lyrics" and how i kind of fantasized myself and sunwoo in a similar context. thank you again for taking the time to read this. please note that idols shown or talked about in this fic are not meant to reflect my real thoughts on them. i love all the idols here in this fic (especially jiyoon) i would really appreciate it if you could take the time to like and reblog this.

want to be part of my taglist? send me an ask! masterlist

1CON: Where Are They Now? By Lee Hyejin of Soompi

It has been two years since South Korea's beloved group disbanded. Formed back in 2017 through Produce 101, 1CON has swept the hearts of many from pre-debut until disbandment. Yesterday, the members posted pictures on their SNS accounts that show their little reunion. This then sparked “1CON REUNION” to trend on Twitter.

To this day, many fans hope to see a reunion concert take place to see the members come together once again. As the public waits, we wonder where the members have gone off to.

The beloved center Shin Ryujin (Rank 1) and well-known dancer Lee Chaeryeong (Rank 9) of JYP Entertainment are part of the newest girl group ITZY whose unique sound has found its way to capture the hearts of many. As the group continues to conquer the K-Pop scene with their talents, they have become the pride and joy of JYP Entertainment.

Power vocalist Jo Yuri (Rank 2) parted ways with Off The Record Entertainment and worked on her solo debut under WAKEONE with the track “GLASSY.” With the number of music show wins gained, Jo will be one of the 4th Gen's well-known vocalists.

Captivating dancer Jeon Heejin (Rank 3) and charismatic vocalist Kim “Chuu” Jiwoo (Rank 5) made their debut back in 2020 with LOONA under Blockberry Creative. However, the members of the group have ended their contracts with the company because of the mistreatment they received.

Now, Jeon is a member of ARTMS with some of the former members of LOONA—Kim “Kim Lip” Jungeun, Jeong “Jinsoul” Jinsol, and Choi “Choerry” Yerim—under Modhaus. Chuu chose to pursue her solo endeavors under ATRP.

One of K-Pop's best 4th Gen vocalists, Kim Minjeong (Rank 4) of SM Entertainment, is rumored to make her debut in a girl group later in the year. While we can say not much at the moment, SM Entertainment has got everyone excited for their upcoming debut.

Jack of all trades, Shin Jiyoon (Rank 6) of Play M Entertainment, debuted back in 2020 with the group Weeekly. The group's upbeat and catchy music is produced by Shin herself. As Weeekly brings back cute concepts to the K-Pop scene, many people expect that “girl crush” will not be the norm.

Formerly under JYP Entertainment, well-known producer Y/N (Rank 7) is not signed with any company. As they work on their own terms and team, they have been releasing music on different platforms with full artistic freedom. Despite having no company, countless entertainment companies continuously contact them. They have worked with IU, Red Velvet, BIBI, Jamie Park, Pentagon, and more.

Lovable and powerful rapper Choi Yena (Rank 8) of Yuehua Entertainment recently made her debut with “SMILEY (Feat. BIBI)” whose catchy tune has trended all over Twitter. Many fans have commented that the concept is fitting for her debut. As she continues with her promotions, many fans wait to see her thrive in her solo career.

Along with that, opera-trained singer Huh Yunjin (Rank 10) of HYBE Entertainment is rumored to debut in the upcoming girl group with Produce 101 participants Kim Chaewon and Miyawaki Sakura. However, Huh has been actively posting original music and covers on different streaming platforms. As she continues to keep fans impressed with her talents, many people anticipate the debut of HYBE’s newest girl group.

Memorable vocalist Song Yuqi (Rank 11) of Cube Entertainment is part of (G)I-DLE who continues to release comebacks that showcase the uniqueness of the members. With tracks that will have you dancing and singing along, (G)I-DLE continues to showcase a different side to 4th Gen girl groups.

There have only been speculations and rumors surrounding a reunion concert for 1CON. All that can be said for now is that the members are in close contact with each other and working hard to continue dominating the K-Pop industry in their own ways.

“Y/N, you’ve got emails from H1ghr Music, AOMG, and THE L1VE. What would you like me to do with the other emails you’ve received from other companies?” Park Soeun, your manager, asks as she barges into your home office with her eyes trained on her iPad.

As she looks up, she takes in the sight; messy papers laid out on the table; knickknacks and souvenirs from 1CON members scattered all over the floor; you in your most devilish state whose hair is all over the place with clothes from yesterday.

“God, Y/N. What in the world happened here?” Soeun asks as she picks up all the gifts from your ex-peers.

“It’s been so long since the girls and I got together, so we got kinda crazy last night.”

“Yeah, but it doesn’t explain the mess in your office. Jesus… Y/N, I never knew your office could get even messier and more… disorganized,” She continues as she settles on placing all the gifts from 1CON on an empty shelf. “I didn’t even know you would end up going to that reunion.”

You sigh as you continue to click away on your computer, ignoring her last comment.

“Drunk me decided they wanted to work despite being intoxicated,” You mention as you continue to loop a specific segment in the instrumental you’ve been working on all night.

“You haven’t slept?!” She exclaims, attempting to gather and pile up the papers scattered all over your desk. When you let out a hum, she sighs as you continue to immerse yourself in your work.

“Y/N, I think we need to talk.”

“About?”

“This.” As you finally look away from your monitor, you see Soeun with her arms crossed as she hugs her iPad.

“Oh god, don’t tell me what I think it is.”

“I’m serious. We need to talk about what’s going to happen to us,” Soeun demands as she finally takes a seat in front of you. Before you could protest, she continued.

“Y/N, you’ve been doing this for a year, and I’ve stuck with you the whole time. From pre-debut, disbandment, and even until deciding to leave JYP, I stayed with you because I wanted to support you.”

Ultimately, you knew it was hard for Soeun to leave her job at JYP Entertainment to support you. Giving up her stable job to follow you has become one of your biggest burdens to carry to this day.

As she sees the frown on your face, she continues. “I didn’t leave because of an impulse decision. In fact, I left because I knew that working at JYP isn’t what I want at the end of everything. Y/N, I don’t know if you know this but you don’t give yourself enough credit for all the things you’ve gone through and accomplished.”

“I think that’s an overstatement. I don’t think I’ve–”

“You have accomplished a lot of things. You debuted with 1CON, made the difficult decision of leaving a well-known company to pursue your dreams with full creative freedom, and produced music for artists that continue to dominate the charts.”

Silence settles between you two as you try to take in her words. You love the compliments and praise you receive, but sometimes you feel it is never enough. This leads you to overexert yourself; the need to constantly achieve as if it is your only purpose in life.

“You need to give yourself more credit, which also means recognizing that you deserve more.” You knew where this conversation was going, and you didn’t want to hear her continue.

“Soeun, please don’t–”

“I’m sorry Y/N, but you need to at least hear me out. I really think you need to sign with a company.”

With that, you close your eyes as you take in her words. It hurts enough to see people on the Internet constantly discuss the success you could have gained if you were signed with a company, but it pains you physically to hear the same words from someone who knew you inside and out.

“I know your experiences with JYP and Stone Music Entertainment are some that you wish to forget, and I will never forget nor can I ever excuse the amount of mistreatment you faced under those two. However, I do think you can find yourself signed with another company, possibly a better one that knows how to treat you right,” Soeun says.

You finally open your eyes and nod, giving her the signal that she could continue. “It’s hard for both you and me to keep up with the demand. Although we have Taeyeon to help with styling and Sungyoon for photos and music videos, we only have such little manpower to keep up. You could be earning more, maybe relaxing more if you get signed with a company.”

With that, you let out a sigh. “Where is this coming from? Is it because of the number of emails I’ve left unanswered?”

Soeun shakes her head and says, “It’s not really that. Of course, I’ve had to deal with this when I still worked in JYP, but it isn’t the main reason I’m having this talk with you.”

“I’m going to be putting in my two-week notice.” You knew this day would come; she is resigning.

“I applied for jobs at different companies and I got an email back.”

“Congrats Soeun, you deserve it,” You say with a half-hearted smile.

You mean it, but it hurt to know that Soeun would not be with you as you continue your journey. She became a permanent presence in your life, and you could never imagine life without her in it.

Before you could allow yourself to be vulnerable, you decided to ask, “So, which company? I’m excited to hear who’s lucky to have Kim Soeun.” She lets out a laugh.

“I got signed with Cre.ker Entertainment. They had an opening for another managerial position,” She says as you nod.

“That’s the company of The Boyz, right?” She lets out an ‘mhm’ as you continue to nod once again.

“Y/N, you do have an email from that company, if you haven’t realized,” Soeun points out.

As you decide to finally open your email, several unread and unanswered emails greet you. Typing the word “Cre.ker,” you find the email Soeun mentioned. Two weeks ago, you received an email from them to which you have not gotten around to replying or reading.

— — —

FROM: Cre.ker Entertainment <[email protected]>

TO: Y/N <y/[email protected]>

SUBJECT: THE BOYZ’s SUB-UNIT “NEWSUN” TRACK

Good day, Y/N!

Cre.ker Entertainment is reaching out to you in hopes you will accept our request to produce a track for The Boyz’s upcoming album.

The sub-unit “NEWSUN” (which comprises New and Sunwoo) has requested that you produce their track on the upcoming album. If you wish to accept the offer, please let us know no later than two weeks.

We look forward to hearing from you and working with you.

— — —

“Huh, this is funny. I only have until today to reply,” You mention which Soeun chuckles at.

“I mentioned that you got an email from them about a week ago. You said you would get back to them, but clearly, you haven’t.”

“Yeah well, I shouldn’t be trusted with emails,” You reply to which she rolls her eyes. “Figures.”

“Anyway, going back to what we were discussing. You deserve more—a lot more, actually.” She grabs your hand. “I am not saying that I invalidate your experiences nor can I say that this type of mistreatment is not a general thing found with K-Pop companies, but I believe you can sign with a company that will understand what you want.” You think over what she says but never give a reply.

“I just want you to know that I appreciate working and supporting you for… god knows how long. I’ll be sending my formal resignation to your email. Please read it,” She begs which has you laughing.

“Yeah yeah, I will.” She smiles and stands up from her seat.

“Y/N, think over what I said.” She sucks in a breath. “You deserve more, and I want you to be secured in your career as you continue your journey in the industry. I’m not saying you should audition for Cre.ker Entertainment, but I’m saying to look into companies you’re interested to be under. I’ll just be in the room beside you.”

As she leaves your office, you are left with your thoughts and nothing more. In these moments, you miss being with 1CON the most.

It is 4:07 AM, and you are still seated in your home office. In fact, it’s your only office as you cannot afford to rent a separate place for work. You have finally finished the track for Jung Wheein’s album and sent it over to THE L1VE through email.

As you think back to Soeun’s words, you decide to open up the email from Cre.ker Entertainment. Reading it once more, you decide to search for The Boyz on YouTube. You know of them and some of their tracks, but you decided that was not enough.

Searching up the words “NEW & SUNWOO” on YouTube, you find a video of theirs that covers “Nerdy Love,” a song you adore from an artist you highly respect. You decide to click the video and watch what the two boys had to offer.

Despite thinking you did not know enough, you knew who was who thanks to Jiwoo, your ex-peer. She is friends with New (or Chanhee) as they would be special MCs for music shows. After all the time they spent joking around behind the scenes, Jiwoo adores him and thinks of him as one of her closest friends now.

You remember how she described him to you two days ago. “Chanhee is the nicest guy I’ve ever met, and I trust him with almost everything. I hope you get to meet him one day! He’s a huge fan of your work,” She told you at the 1CON reunion two days ago.

However, you have no idea who Sunwoo is. All you know is that Heejin is sort of friends with him but they do not spend a lot of time with each other due to schedule conflicts. The most they ever interact with each other is whenever they play video games with other people their age. If you could recall, all Heejin had to say was that he was nice, and that is as much as you can remember.

Yet, you could not deny that you found him pleasing to look at. Maybe it is his hair, smile, or even the aura he gives off, but your eyes found themselves focusing on him. In the way he performs, you can see how much he enjoys performing.

Throughout your time in the industry, you have seen many artists work in their craft. Many idols share the unfortunate fate of working with peers they despise while others are not given the liberty to work on the tracks they put out. However, only some can say they enjoy what they do—only some can confidently say they love what they do. Sunwoo and Chanhee look like they fit in the latter.

Seeing the two boys vibe and perform one of your favorite songs was such a delight. In fact, you ended up looping the video as you continued to enjoy their cover. You also did not want to admit to having it just play in the background as you continued to finally go through your emails. Knowing Soeun, she would be happy to hear that you finally replied to the many companies reaching out to you.

Despite knowing what to say to which company, there is one company you did not know how to respond to. As you see the same email you read a while ago from Cre.ker Entertainment, you let out a sigh. The more you thought about it, the more you realized it could possibly help out Soeun get used to Cre.ker Entertainment.

As someone who does not want to let her go, you should have denied the company stealing her away from you. If anything, you felt as if you needed to resent Cre.ker Entertainment. Yet, you knew that Soeun resigning did not mean she would be gone forever. After everything, she is your best friend who stuck with you through thick and thin. You only want what is best for her—that is what makes her happy.

With that, you knew your answer.

“God if I knew Play M Entertainment and Cre.ker Entertainment were going to merge to form IST, I would have said no,” You say as you look up at the building in front of you.

“Sorry Y/N, I thought you knew! I think you should at least hear them out and if you can’t do it, you can just–”

“No, it’s fine. I can do this. I mean, it’s not like I will see her, you know?” You say as you take a deep breath.

With that, you enter the building with Soeun. As she walks to the front desk to talk to the woman about your appointment, you decide to take in your surroundings. The building is just like any other company; it reminds you of your trainee days. Despite being inside different company buildings to produce for artists, you can never stop being reminded of what happened to you then.

Before you could think about it anymore, Soeun loops her arm with yours. “C’mon, let’s go,” She says with a smile.

She always knew how to take care of you. With that, you two walk together to the elevator and try to make your way to the meeting room.

“I know you’re nervous about bumping into–”

“Please don’t say her name! What if someone catches on?” You exclaim which she nods at.

“Yeah, you’re right. Please don’t think about it too much because I don’t want you to be stressed about that and this meeting.”

“I’ll try. God, why did they have to merge?” You practically ask the universe as you and Soeun stand right in front of a door.

“No time to complain, you’ve got this. I hope you know I’m proud of you for still pushing through with this.”

“Soeun, you only told me that they merged when we were in the car. I almost grabbed that steering wheel.”

“Either way, just hear them out. I heard from my friends that Chanhee and Sunwoo are big fans of your work.”

With that, you sigh. “Fine. Just know I took this job because I wanted to see where you work.”

“I also know you did it because you wanted me to adjust already. I hope you know that I love you,” She says with a smile.

She then opens the door to see The Boyz’s manager, Sunwoo, and Chanhee seated. The three stand up from their seats to greet and bow at the two of you.

“Hello, it’s nice to meet you all! I’m Soeun, Y/N’s manager, and I’ll be here to assist,” Soeun says as you two enter, bowing at the three. Once you and Soeun take a seat, you notice that you are seated right in front of Sunwoo.

Seeing him in the video was hard but seeing him right in front of you was even harder. As soon as he flashed a smile, you immediately looked away and hoped you were not red. If Soeun found out you were reacting this way about someone, she would never let you live it down (which is why you hope she would never notice).

“Hello, I’m Jihoon. Before anything, I think I should let them introduce themselves. They’ve been waiting for this moment to finally meet you,” Their manager says, which has both Chanhee and Sunwoo flustered.

“Ah, you didn’t have to mention that! But hello, I’m Chanhee! It’s nice to finally meet you. Jiwoo mentioned that she talked to you about me,” Chanhee greets you with a bow to which you smile.

“And I’m Sunwoo. Both Chanhee and I really enjoy your work, and we look forward to working with you,” Sunwoo follows right after with a bow.

“Ah, thank you so much. I look forward to working with you as well,” You manage to say without your voice cracking. You were flustered, and you were pretty sure it was showing with how red your cheeks were. God, you knew Soeun was going to make fun of you later.

“Alright, I guess we can start.”

The meeting was a success. Soeun handled most of it but you managed to chime in every now and then and understand what they needed from you.

“What was it with you a while ago?” Soeun asked when you two finally reached your place.

“What do you mean?”

“Y/N, I know how you act when you find someone attractive. Is it Sunwoo? I won’t judge you.” You choose not to answer her as you go to the kitchen. “So it is!”

“I didn’t even answer!” You exclaim as you look through the fridge.

“I get it though, he is very attractive.”

“Soeun, you’re so annoying. Please stop,” You whine as you decide to grab some water.

“Well, good luck to you! You have to meet with them two days from now. You have only a week from your first meeting with him to submit the final track. Yes, final track, okay? Please remember that,” Soeun says as she notes it on her iPad.

“God, I don’t know why I agreed. That’s barely enough time to produce something satisfactory, let alone a good final track.” Soeun pats your shoulder as she continues to look down at her iPad.

“Don’t forget, you were the one who said yes when I tried to negotiate.” You let out a groan and take a seat.

“I mean if you said yes because you wanted to spend more time with Sunwoo–”

“Please stop. I don’t want to cross any boundaries of our strictly work relationship” You practically beg, to which she laughs.

“You’ve got this! Let me know if you need me to negotiate with Jihoon again. Just keep me updated on whatever ends up happening between you two,” She says with a smile as she walks away.

“Soeun, nothing is going to happen!” You exclaim which only makes her let out another laugh.

“You never know!”

It has been two days since that meeting, and you regret agreeing to the set deadline. It feels as if you have not gotten any wink of sleep in the last 48 hours as the stress and anxiety got to you. As you entered the building with a cup of coffee in your hand, you informed the woman at the front desk that you were expected to attend another meeting with Sunwoo and Chanhee.

“Please make yourself comfortable and wait here. I’ll just ring up their manager–”

“They’re with me!” You hear someone shout from behind you. As you turn to look, you see Sunwoo walking towards you and greeting you with a bow which you return.

“It’s nice to see you again,” He says, making you smile.

“I’ll bring them up, just inform hyung.” Sunwoo signals you to follow him as he makes his way to the elevator.

“So, how are you? I’m guessing you managed to think of something within the two days?” He asks as you two wait for the elevator to arrive.

You laugh as you shake your head. “I wish.”

“Did you get any sleep?” You shake your head in response which he laughs at.

“Well, if you pass out, I’ll be there to cover for you,” He says only for you to get shy.

“Oh god, you don’t–”

“I was just kidding Y/N, sorry if it wasn’t obvious.” The elevator doors finally open and you both get in.

“Oh, that’s my bad,” You say as you let out a nervous laugh.

“Hey, it’s no problem.”

The elevator doors finally close and you two go up. As silence engulfs you two, you somehow think it is your fault.

“I, uhm, tend to be very shy around new people. I’m not usually like this,” You say to break the silence.

He looks at you with a smile and nods. “No worries, Chanhee and Heejin said the same.”

You were surprised to find out that he’s talked about you to others. As you continued to look straightforward, you would only hope that Heejin or Jiwoo did not mention anything embarrassing to the two.

“I never got to ask, but how are you?” You decided to finally ask him.

“Oh, well it’s been alright?” He says in an unsure manner which has you raising an eyebrow at him.

“Well, the guys and I have been practicing the choreography for our comeback, and I’ve been kind of nervous about how Chanhee and I’s track is going to turn out. Not that I’m trying to say I don’t trust you, but I am nervous about how well I’m going to execute your vision,” He admits.

“If it helps, I think whatever you do will perfectly execute what I see.” You smile at him to which he smiles back.

“Oh, so you trust me that much? How much have you seen my performances to say that?” He asks as he faces you and leans against the wall, a smug look on his face. Something about how he keeps the conversation going makes you less shy than before.

“Well, I had to do my research,” You admit with a smirk.

“Oh, the famous Y/N has done their research on me? What do you know about me?” He asks to which you decide to face him as well. “That’s for me to know and you to find out.”

He chuckles as soon as the elevator doors open. “Well don’t think I didn’t research you,” He says and walks out with you following.

You two eventually arrive at one of the recording studios with no Chanhee to be found.

“Oh, where’s Chanhee?” You ask as you look around the recording studio.

“Oh, I forgot to mention that Chanhee wouldn’t be sitting in for a lot of the production process because he has a bunch of other schedules to attend to. I hope you don’t mind spending this time with me,” Sunwoo says with a smile as he takes a seat on the couch.

“Oh, I see,” You say as you stay rooted in place.

“If you’re uncomfor–”

“No no, it’s okay. As I said, I’m just shy,” You cut him off and muster the biggest and most awkward smile.

Before you could apologize for your behavior, Sunwoo lets out a giggle. “Y/N, I get it, but you don’t have to be awkward around me.”

His words of reassurance allow you to breathe just for a little. There is something about Sunwoo that makes you both nervous yet comfortable. You did not know how, but that only made you want to know more about him.

You decide to take a seat on the office chair in front of the mixing console and spin it to face Sunwoo. “Alright, I think we should go through what you and Chanhee want from the track. I know Jihoon discussed it in the meeting but I would like to hear it from you,” You say as you set down your cup of coffee on the coffee table.

“Well, Chanhee and I really want an R&B track for this album. Think of, I don’t know, “Nerdy Love” if you know that track,” Sunwoo explains which makes you smile.

“Yeah, I do know that. It’s one of my favorites.” And with that, Sunwoo smirks.

“I’m guessing you’ve listened to our cover if you did research on us.”

You choose to not answer and grab your notebook and pen as you try to suppress a smile. “Ah, not answering means ‘yes’, by the way.”

“No, it doesn’t!” You scoff.

“It’s just a simple question, Y/N. Why won’t you answer it?” The stupid smile on his face has your heart doing little flips.

“There would be no fun in just answering. You’ll find out soon enough,” You say as you open your notebook to a clean page only for him to chuckle.

“Can you expound a bit more on what the main message of the song is?” You inquire as you write down some points.

“It’s a love song.” That has you scrunching your nose which Sunwoo notices.

“Hey, what’s the problem with that?!” He exclaims which makes you laugh.

“There’s no problem.”

“That expression you made a while ago didn’t say that.”

“Just don’t pay attention to my facial expressions! I won’t react, just continue,” You say as you look up from the notebook.

“It’s hard to not look at you,” He says as he tilts his head to the side with that stupid smile you have grown to both love and hate within that small period of time. You were flustered, and you did not know how to respond.

“Yeah, it’s a love song with a twist,” Sunwoo says as he tries to get back on topic (to which you are thankful for). “Picture this, Y/N.”

“I’m listening.”

“No no, close your eyes.” He urges you to do so in which you furrow your eyebrows. “What the fuck, I am not doing that.”

“Oh come on! It’ll immerse you in what Chanhee and I envisioned.”

“Sunwoo, I think you can explain it and I’ll follow through with what you’re saying.”

Sunwoo pouts at your answer as he crosses his arms. “I wouldn’t want to inform Heejin but…”

“Is that a threat?” You gasp when he simply looks around the room.

With that, you sigh and close your eyes. “Go on, I won’t keep my eyes closed forever,” You say and you hear him clap.

“Alright! Imagine this; you’ve known someone for a while, okay? And let’s say this person is someone you’ve been flirting with. You know, the push and pull, playful flirting, all the things you would do for something that started off as casual. Are you imagining it?”

“Yes Sunwoo, I am,” You sigh, which he laughs at.

“Okay. With time, you start to realize that you might actually like this person.”

“Woah, shocker.”

“C’mon Y/N, let me finish!” You laugh and decide to shut up. “Go on.”

“So, you’re on the brink of falling for them but you don’t want to admit anything. But plot twist: they seem to also be falling for you! And there comes a night where the two of you are chilling, but you two don’t want to drink for the reason that you two might confess under the influence.” As you listened to him, you got to envision what he was saying.

“You know, being with someone you like surrounded by alcohol is a dangerous combination,” You say as you finally open your eyes.

“Exactly! It’s the risk that makes it all scary because you don’t want to come off as ingenuine,” He continues to explain which has you nodding along and taking notes.

“Hm, I get it now. I dig it.” That has Sunwoo standing up from the couch with his arms spread out.

“I told you so! Chanhee and I know what are good love songs, not saying I hate love songs but clearly someone in this room does,” He says as he continues to look around, avoiding your gaze.

“I don’t hate love songs! I never said that, so stop putting words into my mouth,” You try to defend yourself as you roll your eyes. Sunwoo takes a seat again as he furrows his eyebrows at you.

“Y/N, I researched you too. There’s no need to lie.”

You let out a sigh. “Fine, I do.”

“And why so?” Sunwoo decides to ask which has you grabbing your cup of coffee to take a sip.

“Ask me later after we make some progress and I’ll answer,” You say which has Sunwoo rolling his eyes, a little smile playing on his lips.

It’s been three hours since you and Sunwoo decided to work, and there has been little to no success.

“God, why did I agree to that deadline?” You mutter to yourself as you shut your eyes with your hands over them in frustration. Sunwoo heard you as he was writing and crossing out lyrics for the track.

“Hey Y/N, why don’t we grab some lunch first?” You open your eyes and look behind you to see Sunwoo up from his seat.

“We haven’t made any progress.”

“Yeah, but you of all people should know that creativity and productivity don’t come with an empty stomach,” He tries to reason out as he walks to you and sets his hands on your chair.

As you look back at the computer in front of you, you see nothing on GarageBand. During times like these, you knew you had to get out of the studio. Whenever you hit a wall, the only solution was to find inspiration outside.

“Alright, let’s get some lunch,” You give in as you close the program and get up from your seat. “Where to?”

“I know a place for us to eat.”

Once the two of you exit the building, you follow Sunwoo as he leads you to where you two will be eating.

“So, why hate love songs?” He decides to ask which has you chuckling.

“I thought we agreed on asking once we’ve made progress, and clearly we haven’t.”

“Oh come on, we need to talk and get to know each other so that we can eventually get over the hurdle,” Sunwoo says which has you sighing.

“Fine. It’s just, I don’t know, cliché? It gets so repetitive that it gets so boring and typical.”

“Ah, you’re one of those people.” That has you letting out a gasp and looking right at him.

“What do you mean by that?!”

He only giggles as he continues to look straight forward. “C’mon Y/N, don’t look at me and look at where you’re going. You might trip.”

“As if–” Before you could finish, you trip and almost fall. It seemed like the universe was out to get you because Sunwoo was right. You were about to brace yourself for the impact, but a pair of arms grabbed your waist before you could fall.

“Oh my god, Y/N! I told you so!” Sunwoo exclaims as he lets go of you.

You wish you could say something but you were too embarrassed about Sunwoo wrapping his arms around you to save you from falling. As the two of you stood there, facing each other, you were about to apologize.

“Uh, sorry, I–”

“Just be careful next time, okay?” Sunwoo says as he rubs your head, messing up your hair. Before you could say anything, he grabs your hand and starts to walk with you following.

Usually, you would get mad if someone messed up your hair but there was something about Sunwoo that made you crave his touch. You hated how you were reacting this way over this guy. As the two of you held hands while you walked to the restaurant, you swear your heart almost burst out of your chest.

The two of you quickly arrived at the restaurant that Sunwoo wanted to bring you to; it was a small Japanese restaurant. As the two of you entered, the bells by the door seemed to chime which grabbed the servers’ attention. “Irasshaimase!”

A lady dressed in a red kimono walked to the two of you with a big smile. “Ah, Sunwoo! How are you?”

“I’m okay! I’ve been working really hard for our upcoming comeback,” Sunwoo replies with a grin that seems to warm both the lady’s and your hearts.

“Oh, you come with a guest! Hello! You are–oh my god, you’re a member of 1CON, right?” The lady asks you, showing the same smile she gave to Sunwoo.

“Ah yes, I’m Y/N. It’s nice to meet you,” You say as you bow.

“Just a table for two, please.” With that, the lady nods and brings you two to a table located in a small room for privacy. As the two of you get seated, the lady hands you two menus to browse.

“By the way, I’m Hikaru, your server for today. Y/N, Sunwoo frequents here with the other members, so you can always ask him for recommendations,” She tells you which makes you smile. “I will.”

“Sunwoo, I didn’t know you were going out with an ex-member of 1CON! They’re one of Korea’s sweethearts,” Hikaru says, which has you freezing from reading the items on the menu. You knew your cheeks were red, so it surprised you when you decided to look up and see Sunwoo’s cheeks painted red as well.

“Ah, it’s not like that. We’re just colleagues,” He tries to explain which Hikaru understands.

“Oh, I see! I didn’t know. You two would make a good pair though,” She says as she leaves the room which has you both frozen in your seats.

Sunwoo lets out an awkward chuckle and decides to avoid your gaze. “So, what do you like to eat? This place is known for their sushi but they do have really good katsudon.”

“Yeah, sushi works for me.” Once Sunwoo ordered a bunch of sushi platters, the two of you were left in awkward silence.

“So, what do you mean I am one of those people?” You decide to ask to lighten up the mood which was successful as he seemed to laugh.

“I’m just saying, you are part of the people who hate on love songs to be “unique” for some odd reason,” He explains while doing air quotations.

“I don’t hate them just to be unique. I am not that shallow!”

“Alright, so why then?” You sigh as you look at your glass of water.

“I just think they set an unrealistic standard for what love really is.” Sunwoo tilts his head in confusion and asks, “Care to expound?”

“I’m not dramatic or anything, by the way. I think love just isn’t what lyricists make it out to be,” You say as you finally look straight at him.

“Okay, so what are your experiences with it then?”

“Woah Sunwoo, jumping right into it? Give me some time.” You chuckle.

“Oh, I didn’t mean to–”

“I was just kidding, Sunwoo. You’re good.” Sunwoo only smiles and drinks some water.

“What about you? Why do you seem to love love songs?”

“I don’t know what else to say other than I’m a hopeless romantic,” He admits with a small smile.

“Good experiences with love then I’m guessing?”

“Sure, but I just continue to love as if it’s my first time doing so.”

With that, Sunwoo has you smiling. Something about his answer makes your heart throb; you knew it would be a privilege to be loved by him. “Wow, you really are a hopeless romantic.”

Sunwoo rolls his eyes at your comment. “Alright, sue me! There’s nothing wrong with being one.”

You hum as you prop your arm on the table and rest your chin on your hand. “Yeah, it just adds more to my research.”

“Sunwoo, you sure know the best places to eat,” You admit as you try to keep yourself awake from entering a food coma.

Sunwoo smiles both at what you say and how your eyes slightly droop. “Thank you. My friend, Haknyeon, suggested this place back when we were in our trainee days. Now, we eat here so much that everyone seems to know the usual.”

You giggle and let out a small sigh as you look down at the table. “It must be nice to hang out with your friends almost every single second of the day.”

Sunwoo notices the small frown that is about to appear on your face. Before he could say anything, you shake your head as you chuckle and say, “Anyway, shall we head out?”

All Sunwoo did was nod and stand up with you as you exited the small function room. You took this opportunity to look around the restaurant and notice a bar with a small stage beside it. On that stage, people were playing different instruments as they performed a jazzy tune you were unfamiliar with.

Before Sunwoo could leave the restaurant, he noticed you staring in awe at the performers. There was something with how you admired a trio of musicians; the glint in your eyes as you observed how they pluck the strings of their instruments or played the keys of the piano; the slight bobbing of your head as you tried to go along with the tempo they played. The absolute adoration that seemed to show on your face made Sunwoo want—no, need to have you around to experience more moments like these.

Suddenly, your face of admiration morphed into realization. As you meet Sunwoo’s gaze, you say, “I figured it out.”

It is 8:37 PM. You and Sunwoo have spent the last four or five hours working on your own to create the best track suited for their unit song. In those hours, you managed to create the base track on GarageBand and think of a melody in your head. Yet, within those hours, you never noticed how much Sunwoo spent his time looking at you.

“I think I have it,” You finally say as you remove your headphones and look back to see Sunwoo who was on his fifth page full of messy words and scribbles. “Sure, you can play it out loud.”

You change the output settings to speakers and play the track for the two of you to listen. The sound of the electric guitar, the bass, and the drums came all together. You carefully watched Sunwoo as you await his response to the 45-second recording you produced.

As the track finally came to an end, you could not tell what Sunwoo thought of it. “I know it’s not a lot, but that was something I imagined for the track to turn out,” You admit as you continued to stare at him.

“Could you play it again?” You listened to his request and followed. One loop of the short recording turned into three more loops, and you were scared. No matter how many artists you have produced tracks for, you always find yourself anxious about everyone’s feedback.

Sunwoo bopped his head along with the track as he went through the lyrics he wrote. As it reached the end, he looked up to give you a big smile. “It sounds amazing. You never fail to amaze me.”

Despite only getting to know him today, something about those words seemed to warm your heart. With that, you smile as you get off your seat and say, “I kind of thought of the melody too. Care to give me a hand with recording it?”

Sunwoo nodded with the same smile plastered on his face as he got off his seat. Once you entered the recording booth, you saw him seated right in front of the mixing console and desktop. You wear the headphones and test the microphone.

“Am I at a good volume?” You speak into the microphone and earn a nod from him.

“You can play the track, just make sure I’m being recorded.” With that, Sunwoo gives you a thumbs-up and presses a few buttons.

Once you heard the track play out in your headphones, you decided to hum a short tune. Sometimes, you even sang a few lines that came to you on the spot. Some of the things you said did not make sense but Sunwoo seemed to enjoy every single line you sang.

When the track ended abruptly, you look at Sunwoo only to see those doe eyes full of adoration.

“Y/N, please tell me you slept because–oh? You actually slept,” Soeun says in shock as she enters your bedroom and sees you still in bed.

“Soeun, what time is it?” You ask groggily as you rub your eyes.

“11 AM. I am quite surprised you slept.”

“Yeah well, Sunwoo and I squeezed out too much creative juices yesterday and basically ran dry,” You explained as you sat up and stretched your limbs.

“Mhm, how was it? Any progress?” You roll your eyes and get out of bed to walk to your closet

“Soeun, I know I fall quick and hard for almost any person but I am not going to indulge in this one.”

“We’ll see about that,” Soeun mutters loud enough for you to hear.

Before you could interject, she says, “Jihoon told me that Chanhee wouldn’t be participating in the production process due to the schedules he has to attend. Although Jihoon did say Chanhee was incredibly upset.” You nod and hum as you decide what to wear for the day.

“Which means more time with Sunwoo!”

“Soeun!”

“So, Y/N.”

“Yes?”

“Mind if I could ask you something personal?”

“Depends how you define ‘personal’.”

“How was it in 1CON? How was it to be the nation’s sweetheart?” The way Sunwoo phrased it had you laughing.

“God, I am not the nation’s sweetheart,” You deny as you decide to take a short break and look back at him.

“That’s not what the publications say! Almost every news outlet calls 1CON that.”

“I was ranked seventh, and it was a miracle! I even questioned how I managed to make it to the final lineup,” You argue as you take a sip of matcha that Sunwoo had surprised you with when you entered the building. You did not know how he knew but you could only guess that he researched on you even more.

Sunwoo frowns at your reply and says, “You went against a hundred contestants, you shouldn’t downplay your efforts.”

You only sigh and decide to cut the argument short. “Well, 1CON was just like any group; there’s not much to say.”

“Wasn’t the training difficult?”

You chose to keep your answer short and say, “It was, but my time with 1CON is something I still cherish to this day. I made some friends that I still talk to and hang out with until this day.”

“You’re close friends with Jiwoo and Heejin, right?” You nod as you look up to the ceiling, remembering the fun you had with 1CON. Despite everything you have been through, you would sometimes justify the mistreatment you faced with your debut with 1CON.

“I’m close with Yuri also, but I’m casual with everyone,” You tell a white lie to Sunwoo, knowing he would never find out.

“You came from JYP, right?”

“Wow, Sunwoo, you really have been doing research on me. You know you could always just ask! You can’t trust all the things you see on the Internet!”

Sunwoo giggles at your response, his smile showing up once more. “I’m just curious since Ryujin and Chaeryeong are from the same company as you.”

“Brilliant observation from Mr. Kim Sunwoo.” You point out which has Sunwoo laughing once more.

“I’m serious! Wouldn’t you have debuted with them?”

You sigh as you take another sip of matcha. “I would’ve but I am here producing tracks for others.”

Silence engulfs you two as both of you continue to bask in your answer. “Don’t get me wrong, I do love producing. Sometimes, I look at the artists who perform the tracks I produce and think, “Wow, I could never do that.””

Sunwoo was about to interject but you continued to speak. “But I can’t deny that I miss being on stage. The stadiums, the fansigns, the fans… and performing with friends. 1CON has changed my life, and sometimes I wish I could go back to when we were still together.”

It has been a while since you have gotten to vocalize your thoughts, and it felt nice to let this out to Sunwoo. Soeun knew all of your struggles and inner thoughts, but you always felt bad for repeating the same words and thoughts. Now that you got to vocalize this to Sunwoo, you felt at ease around him.

“I wish you would realize that you are talented to perform the tracks you produced,” Sunwoo speaks up which has you ripping your gaze from the ceiling to look right at him.

“Y/N, I do think you are capable enough—no, even more than capable to perform the tracks you have produced. I’ve listened to your own tracks, the ones you published yourself, and I believe they are the most beautiful sounds I’ve ever heard.” Your eyes are in awe over his words. “You are a very talented person, Y/N, and you might have to be my favorite producer and artist out there.”

What Sunwoo says has you starstruck. The way he thought and viewed you should have put this huge amount of pressure on you, but you were pleasantly surprised when you were met with a breath of fresh air.

“Wow, you are very passionate about this,” You finally speak up, trying to shrug off the fact that he complimented you.

Sunwoo frowns at your response and says, “Y/N, you really should give yourself more credit.”

With that, you sigh and give in for once. “Thank you, Sunwoo.”

It was weird to think how someone thought all of that about you. Having someone think of you as their favorite artist and producer? In an industry full of capable and even more talented individuals compared to little you? It felt even weirder to know that someone had to be Sunwoo.

“So, what about you? What’s it like to be in The Boyz?”

It is 2:32 AM, and you and Sunwoo are seated inside the convenience store having some late-night snacks. You could officially say you were done with 75% done with the track. You needed to work on the bridge and outro for you to finally do the final arrangements and call it finished. Sunwoo was going at a pretty good pace; he finished writing the lyrics for almost all of Chanhee’s parts and had to do some final edits on his rap.

“Hmm, I don’t know. I guess you could say it was just like any trainee experience: difficult.” You hum as you take a sip of banana milk and stare out the window.

“There were the unhealthy diets, the long hours of practice, and the scolding. God, the scolding from the company was too much that I contemplated leaving.”

“But you didn’t leave.”

Sunwoo sighs and says, “Yeah, I didn’t. Yet, there were numerous times when I wondered if all the shit I was going through would be worth it, you know? Is all the pain and suffering I’m going through right now that worth it for a debut with a group I wasn’t sure would be a success?”

You understood every word that Sunwoo was saying at that moment. The way he phrased his thoughts was exactly your thoughts back then. Despite you sharing the same sentiments with Sunwoo, you chose to not speak of the past you kept hidden.

“I see. But you’re happy now, right? Happy with The Boyz?” You decide to ask as you finally look at him.

“I couldn’t imagine my life without them. My beginning was with them and they will be my ending as well,” Sunwoo admits with a small smile on his face as he looks back at you.

During that moment, you lay your hand on his shoulder and say, “Sunwoo, I am happy that despite everything, you persevered through it all. I am so glad that you made your debut with a group that loves and cares for you. They are so lucky to have someone like you.”

Sunwoo’s eyes widen at your words, clearly not expecting to hear that. Before you could take your hand off his shoulder, he grabs it and holds your hand in his.

“Yeah… I’m so glad to have met you.” He looks out the window. “You know, you really are the nation’s sweetheart in every aspect I’ve gotten to know. The world is so lucky to have you.”

His hushed words have you flustered; it seems harder to not like him when he continues to say shit like that. As his smile followed after those words, you knew you were screwed when you felt your heart beat out of your chest. So when he said the words “C’mon, I’ll take the bus with you going home. It’s too late for you to go home all by yourself,” you knew that it was impossible to not like a guy like Sunwoo.

“He OFFERED?!”

“Soeun! Quiet down!” You exclaim as you pat your face dry with a towel.

“Sorry, I was just surprised. Sunwoo is an actual decent guy,” Soeun says as she leans on your doorframe.

“Well, he is a really good guy. He has a heart of gold.”

As you say those words while you do your morning skincare routine, you notice Soeun’s expression through the mirror morph into that all-knowing smile you have learned to hate.

“God, I can say that and not pursue him. Let me be,” You say as you roll your eyes.

“I’m just saying that with all the stories you’ve told me, it seems that he likes you too.”

You laugh at her statement and continue on with your skincare routine.

“If you’re worried about dating bans, you don’t have one. Neither does Sunwoo, I’ve asked Jihoon.”

“SOEUN!”

“What?! I just thought to bring it up in case you didn’t know,” Soeun says with a small smile as she scrolls through some documents on her iPad.

You sigh as you continue with your skincare routine, a mind full of last night's events. Nothing much happened if you were to be honest. You are not sure why Soeun was making it a big deal because it seemed like a basic act of decency that anyone could perform. And yet, you were unsure why your heart would flutter when you remembered it.

“I don’t know, it’s just… weird for me. I mean, I did meet him recently.”

“Yeah, but you’ve spent a good chunk of time with Sunwoo. I never held it against you when you developed this crush on him, and I think it’s healthy! I mean, we’ve spent so many years together, and I like seeing you happy.”

Soeun’s words should have brought comfort to you, but doubt took over. You bite the inside of your cheek as you stare at yourself in the mirror.

“Yeah, but work comes first.”

“But–”

“Nope, I don’t want to hear anything from you,” You silence Soeun, making her frown. The work you did was more important than anything, even more than a stupid little crush you developed for a colleague. I mean, it would remain a crush, right?

Once you finished getting ready for the morning, your phone buzzed. As you grabbed onto it, you were surprised to see a text from Sunwoo.

zzoguri 🦝: hey Y/N! i was wondering if you were up to join me for this little party

y/n: sunwoo what happened to only meeting up for work? WHAHASGDH

zzoguri 🦝: okay but we need to have some breaks you know! we deserve it after all the progress we’ve made

y/n: do you not remember that we have a deadline to meet which is only 3 days from now

y/n: plus the times we aren’t together are breaks!

zzoguri 🦝: oh cmon y/n :( if you don’t want to hang that’s fine.

You furrow your eyes as you were unsure to respond.

“Why the frown?” Soeun asks, which makes you sigh and show your conversation to her. As she reads the chat, you notice how her expression morphs into disappointment.

“Y/N, you are on a different level of being dense.”

“What?! Why?”

“He’s asking you on a date!” She says which makes you frown even more.

“Asking me out to a party is not a date. What are you on?”

“Well, maybe not on a date date, but he’s finding opportunities to spend more time with you outside of the typical meetings or work hours.” She says as she shakes her head and goes back to her iPad.

You pout as you look back at your conversation. If Sunwoo thought this was a date (which you highly doubt), he needs to step up in his game.

“I’m not saying you should take his offer, but he just wants to spend more time with you, as a friend or maybe even more,” Soeun points out, which has you pondering even harder on how to respond. Once you reached a decision, you let out a sigh and type away

y/n: kim sunwoo, i enjoy spending time with you if you’re worried about that

y/n: send me the details and i’ll make sure to attend

zzoguri 🦝: wow THE y/n enjoys spending time with me. i am honored.

y/n: don’t get ahead of yourself

zzoguri 🦝: trust me, i’m only acting like this because i’m lucky to have you 😋

It sucks that you felt yourself smile and your cheeks warm at the message.

Sunwoo did not tell you much about the party, so you wore a smart casual outfit as a safety option. When you asked about the address, he only answered with an “I’ll be picking you up.” You were seated by the kitchen island as you continued to scroll through Twitter.

The praise your recent work got for Wheein’s album was a sight you loved, and you hoped for more collaborations with the soloist. On the charts, your work was doing well alongside the title track. After all the countless nights spent working on tracks, you always find yourself at ease after seeing how the public received them.

The doorbell rings, and you are reminded that you were waiting for Sunwoo. You stood up from your seat and swung the door open, surprised to be greeted by the man you were waiting for who was dressed up from his usual hoodie. As he saw you, not a single sound left him; he was stuck looking at you up and down.

“Uh, Sunwoo?” You ask to break the weird silence that seemed to engulf you two.

“Oh, sorry. I was just—you look wonderful.”

You smile to cover up the fact you were blushing, and joke, “You don’t think I look good the other times we’ve met?”

“Ah, that’s not what I mean. You look great every day, but today… you just look, even more beautiful right now.”

You did not expect Sunwoo to say that which has you more flustered than ever. It was impossible that Sunwoo did not know what he was doing to you; he should definitely know now.

“C’mon, we’ve got a party to attend,” He says with a smile as he grabs your hand.

As he got into the car with you, you noticed that it was Jihoon in the driver’s seat. To be honest, you were not sure why you were nervous about this whole thing. Maybe it felt weird to hold hands with Jihoon around; it also did not help to know Sunwoo had no dating ban.

With that, your hands started to get clammy, and you were about to let go of his hand. Yet, he never seemed to be bothered by your sweaty hands. Despite what you thought of the Pacific Ocean forming in your hands, he continued to hold it with the same grip. As he looked out the window to admire the city lights, you were left to admire the boy beside you.

The ride to the party did not take long. In fact, the location of it felt quite near IST Entertainment. The party took place in a building right beside the Japanese restaurant you and Sunwoo started to frequent after that one lunch. You could not help it; the sushi is to die for.

When the two of you entered the building, it was full of function rooms that could hold around a hundred to two hundred individuals. You expected Sunwoo to let go of your hand the moment you two exited the car, but he never did.

Eventually, you two arrived in front of a door. Before he could open it, you hold him back. He looks back at you with wide eyes that were laced with worry.

“Hey, are you okay?” You bite your lip as you felt your limbs fill with anxiety.

“I… I don’t know. Who are the people in there? I’m not the greatest in social gatherings so I might end up clinging onto you. Is that okay? I mean–”

Before you could continue on a tangent, Sunwoo lets go of your hand and grabs onto your face to gain your attention (which he successfully did). The warmth of his hands on your cheeks; the eye contact he held; everything about him had the ability to make you shut up and admire him like he is the only person on this earth. And that god-forsaken smile started to creep onto his lips—you were screwed.

“It’ll be alright. Cling onto me for as long as you want, I’ll make sure to keep you company. Don’t forget, I did invite you which makes me obligated to take care of you.” Before you could protest, he cuts you off.

“Sorry, don’t think I’m keeping you company as a task. I enjoy spending time with you too, and I want to spend whatever second I have left with you,” He says, which has your knees weak.

If Sunwoo did not know the power of his words, you would have smacked him then and there. There is no way the guy right in front of you is saying all this without knowing the impact these words would have on anyone. Maybe he was just as dense as Soeun thinks you are, and you were betting on it.

He eventually lets go of your face and grabs onto your hand once more. With that, he looks back to the door and swings it open. The two of you were greeted by strobe lights and BIBI’s “The Weekend” as you entered the function room.

If you had to guess, the party seemed to have at least fifty individuals (possibly a mix of idols and staff) who looked like they were having the time of their lives. As you were taking in your surroundings, you noticed idols such as Kim Yerim of Red Velvet and Mark Lee of NCT chatting with other idols you recognized.

The party was full of big shots, and that terrified you. Your nerves were starting to get to you that Sunwoo could notice. With that, you found yourself being brought in front of him so that he could hold onto your shoulders as you two walked.

“If you want to leave already, just let me know, okay?” He whispers into your ear as you continue to walk to wherever he is leading you to.

If people did not notice you were here, people definitely noticed now considering how close you and Sunwoo were. Before you could tell Sunwoo that others were staring, you two eventually arrived at a table occupied by ten other guys you knew from research—you can only assume it is the rest of his group.

“Guess who finally showed up!” Juyeon pointed out which has the rest of the group looking at you two.

“I know, I know. I had to pick up Y/N from their place.” Sunwoo says as he high-fives some of them.

“Oh my god, Y/N, please do take a seat,” Changmin says as he grabs onto the chair beside him. You give him a small smile and take a seat with Sunwoo doing the same beside you.

“I think I should introduce you to–”

“Oh, you don’t have to! I know who everyone is,” You cut Sunwoo off which has the rest of the group in shock.

“The Y/N knows us?! Korea’s sweetheart?!” Eric exclaims which has you giggling.

“Of course! Why would I agree to produce a track for Chanhee and Sunwoo if I didn’t know your group? What you guys put out is amazing!” The group expresses their gratitude after your compliment.

“I mean, the same goes for you! I would be embarrassed to admit this, but you were my bias when 1CON was still together,” Changmin says which has you laughing.

“Oh please, I don’t take compliments well,” You say as you try to shrug it off.

“I mean, Sunwoo was probably worse! He would–”

“Aish, shut up Haknyeon! Y/N doesn’t have to know,” Sunwoo attempts to cut Haknyeon off before he could spill anything.

“What? Now I wanna know!”

“Ah, Y/N! Don’t listen to him!” Sunwoo exclaims which makes you laugh at him.

“Sunwoo, I think Haknyeon has something very important to share with me. You wouldn’t want to stop us from being friends, would you?” When he gives you a pout, all you could do is giggle and pat his knee.

As the others seemed invested in their own conversations, Haknyeon says, “Well, Sunwoo had you as his bias even before you debuted in 1CON.” You gasp as you look at the guy moping beside you and back to Haknyeon.

“It was funny because he so badly wanted to meet you before but your group and The Boyz never had their schedules line up when it came to promotions. I remember when Changmin said he had you as his bias; the reaction on Sunwoo’s face is so memorable.” With that, you smile at Sunwoo who was busy sulking.

“Sunwoo, why didn’t you tell me this?” You ask which has him looking back at you.

“I didn’t think it was relevant to mention,” He mutters.

“You were just shy about it!” You exclaim as you could not stop yourself from smiling at the shy boy in front of you.

“Ah, whatever! New topic, please! Where’s Soobin and Yeonjun?”

“Uh, they were just here. However, Y/N! I forgot to mention that–” Before Haknyeon could finish his sentence, you were interrupted by your phone buzzing in your bag. As you grab it, you see a text message from Soeun.

ssongie 🐧: hey, let me know when you get back home! i’ll seriously scold jihoon if sunwoo doesn’t bring you back home.

ssongie 🐧: and i know you hate huge social gatherings so don’t hesitate to call me

ssongie 🐧: actually just call me when you're there so that i know you’re safe please <3

You giggle at Soeun’s messages and decide to get up from your seat.

“I just have to call Soeun,” You explain to Sunwoo and Haknyeon and excuse yourself from the table to go to the washroom. As you were busy typing out a response, you accidentally bump into someone.

“Oh my god, I’m so–”

“Y/N? I did not expect you to be here!” The voice belonged to someone you last wished to bump into, especially at a gathering full of idols. As you look up, you see the face of your ex-peer who constantly overshadowed you from pre-debut until disbandment.

Jiyoon—the one person you hoped to avoid encountering at any given moment, especially at IST Entertainment—just had to bump into you here. You were shocked by how the universe works. How could they make you meet her here, out of all the places too?

Before you could say anything, Jiyoon wrapped her arms around your figure. The sudden action did not help how surprised you were by the whole situation.

“Y/N, it’s been a while!” She exclaims once she lets go, clearly not noticing how you did not hug her back.

“I–we saw each other recently,” You say, which makes her laugh.

“Oh yeah! But I couldn’t stay for long, remember? I had to leave the moment you got there!” Jiyoon smiled at you which made you feel awkward.

The thing is Jiyoon never intentionally did anything bad to you. In fact, your old company was to blame for cultivating this competitive environment between you two. Yet, you were sure Jiyoon saw you as a competitor as well despite the façade she put on.

“Uh, yeah. What a bummer!” If she did not notice how awkward you feel about this encounter, she should definitely notice now.

You just wanted to get out of this horrible situation. The need to just crawl under your covers to isolate yourself from your memories and reality is so strong. It did not help that people were observing the interaction between you two. I mean, who would not want to see two of Korea’s sweethearts interact once more? Yet, you knew people were curious about what would go down between you two.

“How’s producing going for you? I was shocked to hear you didn’t debut with Ryujin and Chaeryeong in ITZY! Was it because you didn’t make it to the final line-up?” You frowned at her.

“Producing is amazing because I enjoy what I do now. And no, I just decided to leave JYP.” Your response was laced with a touch of passive aggressiveness as you were uncomfortable with her question.

“Oh, what a shame. I just thought that you would have fit ITZY, but I guess JYP wouldn’t accept any of your tracks for their albums, would they?”

See, that is the problem with Jiyoon; a fake ass bitch who knew how to press your buttons. If everyone else knew how much of a bitch she was, maybe you would not have to struggle being under fire for choosing to be a producer rather than an idol.

Before you could say anything, you felt someone’s arm wrap around your shoulders.

“Hi, Jiyoon! Sorry to interrupt but Y/N and I have somewhere to be,” Sunwoo intervenes as he gives a small smile to Jiyoon.

“Oh, I’m so sorry! I didn’t know you two came together.” Jiyoon gives a smile—the same one you grew to hate over the years. “Well, I hope to see you again, Y/N.”

Once Jiyoon finally leaves, you do not take another second to shrug Sunwoo’s arm off and make your way out of the function room. As Sunwoo follows you out, the two of you continue to walk back to the car in silence. Jihoon notices you two and starts up the car.

The moment you two get in, not a single word is exchanged throughout the whole ride. You were sure Sunwoo was confused about your reaction but maybe he did not want to ask you about it until you were ready.

What you do not expect is to feel his hand rest on top of yours. There is something that his touch does to bring you comfort. If you could unravel the reason for this, you would take it in a heartbeat. But for now, all you can do is let yourself feel at ease.

Once you were brought back to your home, Sunwoo walked you back to the door. Before you decided to enter your home, you take a look at Sunwoo who looked worried. With that, you gave him an apologetic smile and say, “I’m sorry about tonight.”

“Hey, don’t even worry about it,” Sunwoo starts off. “It’s none of my business, but just know I’m here for you.”

You cannot help but smile at him. For a moment, you do not know what to say. Yet, something possess you. Without thinking, you felt your face closer to his. As his eyes widen at the distance between you two, you cannot help but smile.

With your head leaning to the side, you felt your lips get closer to his cheek until there was no distance left. It was a short kiss to begin with, and not much thought was put into the action. The moment you pulled away, you are still met with Sunwoo’s shocked expression.

You chose to not say anything. All you did was smile and walk away. Once you entered your home, you could not help but focus on the memories you had with Jiyoon in them (and the peck you gave Sunwoo).

Having to face Sunwoo the next day was a task you were not ready to take on. As you look back at the events that transpired last night, you were unsure of how to go back to normal without acknowledging your encounter with Jiyoon (and the k*ss on the cheek you gave out of impulse).

You wish you knew what was going through your mind that made you k*ss him. Everything felt like a blur yet crystal clear. Being driven by impulse and having no second thoughts had you placed in bad situations.

Thankfully, Sunwoo did not make any comment about last night the moment you entered the studio. In fact, the only thing you two talked about was about the track. He probably did not want to put you in an awkward position, or maybe he felt awkward himself. Either way, the two of you continued to work by yourselves.

“Why aren’t you signed with a company?” Sunwoo asks the golden question that stops you from working.

You were not sure why the sudden question but all signs have to point to what Jiyoon said last night (or what she probably told The Boyz considering they are under the same company).

“You don’t have to answer–”

“Thank you, I won’t,” You say to end the conversation.

“I’m sorry if–”

“Sunwoo,” You interrupt before he could continue.

As you look away from the computer to look at him, you say, “Just continue working.” Your tone was laced with malice as you throw a glare at him. With that, Sunwoo chose to shut up and continue writing out his rap while you tried to finish the song.

The more you two continued on with work, the more you felt guilt piling in your stomach. Sunwoo was only asking a question and you treated him with such hostility. As you felt your heart get eaten away, you wondered how you could apologize to him.

Around 1 AM, it was safe to say that you were done with the base track. Thankfully, it also seemed that Sunwoo was done with the lyrics of his raps and Chanhee’s verses.

“Thank god! All we have to do is record the demo tomorrow and we’re good to go,” You say as you save the files into your USB.

Once you shut the computer down and stood up, you look back to see Sunwoo still seated on the couch. You let out a sigh as you look down at the USB in your hands.

“I’m sorry about earlier, and last night.” When you look back up at him, he had his eyes trained on you. You took a moment to think about how to approach the situation considering you fucked up.

“Do you… do you wanna grab something with me at the convenience store? Consider it an apology or an opportunity for me to explain,” You offer with a small smile.

With that, Sunwoo nods and stands up from his seat. Thank god Sunwoo is willing to hear you out.

Sunwoo took this opportunity to buy out the whole convenience store. As you two exit to take a seat in the outdoor area, his arms seemed to carry an abundance of snacks while you held onto strawberry milk and potato chips. Once the two of you got settled, you both dug into your snacks in comfortable silence.

“I’ll, uhm, explain,” You start off as you look down at your drink.

“You don’t have to if you aren’t ready to share that part with me,” Sunwoo reassures you before you could continue.

“I know, but… I trust you.” Both you and him were shocked at your words. “I–I was just thrown off a while ago because only a few people know that part of my life.”

The moment you look back up to Sunwoo, his doe eyes were full of concern. He knows that it is a sensitive topic if you snapped a while ago—and it is. Usually, you were not the type to snap at people, but this topic was a touchy issue.

“Well, you know that I used to be under JYP even before I debuted in 1CON.” Sunwoo nods. “I obviously had plans to be part of a girl group, which was ITZY if you didn’t overhear my conversation with Jiyoon. To be honest, the line-up for ITZY was tight considering that ten trainees were competing for it, including me,” You speak as you reveal the secrets of your past.

“The thing is that I was technically going to make it in the final line-up even before 1CON. So, when Soeun—who was also a staff member of JYP Entertainment—revealed that Ryujin, Chaeryeong, and I were going to audition for Produce 101, it shocked all of us. I mean, the three of us seemed like we were going to debut in ITZY, so why did we have to go through that shitty survival show?”

“Well, when Ryujin, Chaeryeong, and I made it into the final line-up, ITZY’s debut was pushed back as well. The time I spent with 1CON is something I would carry with me throughout this lifetime, but I can’t deny that the company that oversaw us was terrible.” You look down at your banana milk.

“Even after being in the final line-up for 1CON, there was this competitive nature that made it impossible for me to feel at ease. Of course, I can’t speak for everyone because most of us got along. However, I guess the most evident rivalry was between Jiyoon and I.” As you look at Sunwoo once more, he was only listening to what you had to say. There were no interruptions on his end, and that made you grateful.

“I mean, you’ve watched Produce 101, and I’m guessing you followed the news on my group. I’m sure most media outlets would focus on the rivalry between me and Jiyoon as fans would try to defend our relationship. As much as people wanted to believe that we were best friends, we really weren’t.”

“It also didn’t help that our company, Stone Entertainment, seemed to favor her over me. I swear, I respect her as a producer since we were the only people in the group who dabbled into that. Yet, it was always hard to be a producer for 1CON when your company denied your works or would completely rearrange it without giving you credit.”

“They did WHAT?!” Sunwoo exclaims for the first time since you opened up about this topic which has you giggling.

“Yeah, it was terrible. Stone Entertainment never touched Jiyoon’s works. If they did though, they always made sure to give her credit. The rivalry I had with Jiyoon was something I knew I lost the moment they took my name out of the credits for one of the tracks I produced for the group.” You sigh. “Of course, I couldn’t protest because I would be risking my position in 1CON. Along with that, JYP would have been pissed if I spoke up.”

“So yeah, I had to live under the shadow of Jiyoon. I thought that things would go better for me once I came back under the care of JYP, but I was mistaken. There was no creative freedom with the tracks I planned to produce for the group. In fact, it felt like I was being used by the company. And despite all the countless producers JYP had contact with, they made sure to use me somehow.”

“So, imagine this: I was being starved, overworked, and overwhelmed by JYP. The fact that I couldn’t do what I love without being constantly criticized took an absolute toll on me. What I went through with Stone Entertainment was traumatic in some way, to be honest. While I was trying to get over that, I had to deal with JYP.”

“In the end, I made the decision to leave, having to pay off any expenses that they covered. Soeun followed me, and it’s a burden I carry with me. I can’t pay her much despite all the work she’s done for me. Yet, she stuck with me, and I’m happy she’s taking the decision to work with IST.”

The silence that engulfs you two should be deafening, but it was calming for you. Vocalizing what you went through felt like a weight off your chest. Somehow, saying all of it made you realize just how much you had to go through to be where you are now.

Once you looked up, you were greeted by Sunwoo’s eyes which were full of sorrow.

“I’m so sorry to hear that,” He whispers which has you shaking your head.

“There’s nothing for you to be sorry for. In fact, the people who owe me an apology are JYP and Stone Entertainment,” You say with a laugh, looking at the starry sky.

“That’s why when netizens talk about how I’m a wasted opportunity or question what my future plans are, I don’t pay attention to them. What I went through at those two companies was enough to know how I’d be treated in the industry.” You sigh. “But I love music at the end of it all—I love the music I worked hard on.”

As you admired the sea of stars that seemed to surround you two, Sunwoo grabbed your hand from across the table. The moment you look back at him, he does not say anything. Instead, he continues to rub his thumb on your hand, drawing patterns as you two sit in what you shared.

You were over what happened then; you did not cry like you used to. Yet, there is something so comforting about Sunwoo’s hand caressing yours that says, “You can cry if you want to.” And cry you did.

The tears slowly streamed down your face, and you realized just how vulnerable you were around the man you supposedly just met a few days ago. Before you could say anything, you see Sunwoo give you a smile of sympathy as he continues to hold your hand that starts to shake.

Once the sobs started to pour out, you could not look at him anymore. Your body started to bend forward as you felt your heart start to ache at the memory. Somehow, you felt your body be brought towards the warm figure who was once seated across you. As Sunwoo let you cry into his chest, his arms stayed wrapped around your figure as he rubbed circles on your back.

You were never the person who could easily be vulnerable around others. Yet, it was so easy to be that way with Sunwoo. Despite the small period of time getting to know him, he did not seem to judge you as tears and snot continued to drip. That was the moment you realized that Sunwoo is everything good in this world.

Having to meet Sunwoo the next day to record the final track was probably the most nerve-wracking experience yet. In the past two days, you managed to k*ss him on the cheek (god, you hate thinking about it that you cannot even say it) and also sob your eyes out to the point his hoodie was soaked. You are not sure how you can embarrass yourself even more.

When you entered the recording studio, the universe seemed to save your ass since you saw Chanhee and Sunwoo together. Thankfully, there would be no opportunity to spend some time alone with him (at least for now).

“Ah, Y/N! It’s so nice to see you again,” Chanhee exclaims as he grabs your hand to shake it.

“It’s nice to see you too, Chanhee! Has Sunwoo shown you the lyrics and melody?”

“Yes, he did. I was practicing all night, so I’m hoping you’ll be satisfied later.” You shake your head with a smile on your face. The moment your eyes land on Sunwoo, you see his eyes on you. Still nervous from yesterday, you look back at Chanhee to get rid of the fact that Sunwoo was staring at you.

“No, this is your track. Whatever you do should live up to your standards. I’m sure whatever you do will blow my mind anyway,” You say letting go of his hand.

Once you take a seat in front of the mixing console, you say, “Chanhee, you can step into the recording booth first so we can record your parts. Sunwoo seems to have his rap under control, so let’s work hard to do the bigger tasks.”

The whole process of having Chanhee and Sunwoo record their parts seemed to pass by quickly. In fact, you managed to only spend two and a half hours just recording their parts since they wanted to experiment and figure out which went best.

What followed after was for you to combine their vocals with the track. It did not take much, which surprised you. Usually, you would struggle with this segment of the process. Yet, it helped to have Sunwoo and Chanhee in the room as they talked about whatever.

As you were immersed in cleaning up the final track, you never noticed how Sunwoo was preoccupied with admiring you. Although Chanhee caught sight of it, he continued to talk to the wall to not blow his best friend’s cover.

What you do not catch is one boy whispering to the other about admitting his feelings for you after everything.

On the next day, you were not as nervous as you expected to be (maybe it is because Chanhee and Sunwoo enjoyed the final product). You were seated with the two across from Jihoon, Soeun, and the CEO of IST Entertainment, Mr. Yoon, to present the final track.

“Thank you again for meeting with us today and accepting the offer to produce the track for Chanhee and Sunwoo,” Mr. Yoon says with a smile.

“Of course, it is a pleasure to be given this opportunity,” You say as you bow your head.

“Can you give us a brief explanation of what you have prepared for us?”

With that, you nod and give Chanhee and Sunwoo to explain the meaning behind the song.

“Mr. Yoon, the track we have prepared with Y/N is entitled “Don’t,” which is a love story with a twist. It’s a story between two people who started off casually flirting but slowly realize that they have feelings for each other,” Chanhee starts off.

“The story of this song is that the two possible lovers don’t want to admit anything and would like to stay away from alcohol in fear that they might confess under the influence,” Sunwoo continues, allowing you to say the last segment of the explanation.

“The track is R&B with a Soul feel. Sunwoo is responsible for creating the meaning behind this track, and I just worked with his idea. We hope you enjoy what we have to offer,” You finish off the explanation and signal Soeun to play the track for Mr. Yoon.

As the track played, you noticed Soeun, Jihoon, and Mr. Yoon going along with the music. In fact, it looked like they were enjoying it. As you were waiting for the track to end, you felt someone’s hand grab onto yours from under the table. When you look down, you notice that it was Sunwoo’s hand that grabbed yours. The moment you look at Sunwoo who is seated beside you, he does not spare you a glance but continues to hold your hand that rests on your lap.

You two have not talked about the k*ss on the cheek or the sob moment you had back at the convenience store. In fact, you have not talked about how he held your hand in the car or how he held your face to calm you down. Never once did you two mention the flirtatious comments you two would throw at each other.

So, what happens once the track gets approved? Will these all stop once you and Sunwoo do not have to work together anymore? What will happen to the relationship between you two?

The moment the track reaches its end, you are snapped back to reality. Once you look back at Mr. Yoon, you see him nodding with a small smile. He seemed to look satisfied with the final output.

“Y/N, I really enjoy what you put for us today. Your specialty is really with R&B tracks considering the artists you’ve produced for.” You were not sure whether that was a compliment or not since you produced tracks of different genres.

“Here at IST, we really appreciate what you put in for us. We’ll make sure to make good use of this demo.” You started to frown.

“I’m sorry, demo?” You ask, clarifying what you just heard.

“Yes, demo,” Mr. Yoon answers, leaving you taken back.

“Demo? Mr. Yoon, we agreed on Y/N producing the final track. This is not a demo,” Soeun says as she shared the same confusion you had. Mr. Yoon snaps his fingers, signaling for Jihoon to respond.

“Uhm, we sent an email a few days ago to Y/N’s email to inform them of the changes in the contract. We assumed that you two got the memo despite getting no response.” With that, you immediately stand up from your seat, Sunwoo’s hand not holding yours anymore.

“Even if, you should have clarified with me regarding this matter. I mean, we saw each other recently. Why did you not bother to ask me if I received your email?” You ask in disbelief as you set your hands on the table.

“If you were signed with a company, then you wouldn’t have to bother with fixing your habit of reading emails,” Mr. Yoon comments, which makes you scoff.

“Ah, so it’s like that then. The nerve of this company to comment on how I am an independent producer is disrespectful. Mr. Yoon, I’ll have you know that I signed that contract under the impression it would be the final track. I cannot accept giving you this as a demo knowing my work would be taken advantage of.”

“Well, I’m sorry, but we are only willing to accept it as a demo.” You cross your arms as you shake your head in disbelief.

“Mr. Yoon, don’t think this is the first time people have attempted to screw me over. I’ll have you know that I’ve been in this industry longer than your groups. Chanhee and Sunwoo can keep their lyrics while I keep my track. This agreement is over,” You say as you step away from the table, storming off the room to leave Soeun to deal with the rest.

As you made your way out of the building, you began to walk on the sidewalk to think about what just happened. Yet, you heard someone calling your name from behind. As you let out a sigh, you stood still in place and feel Sunwoo’s hand grab onto your shoulder.

“What now, Sunwoo?”

“I’m sorry about–”

“Sunwoo, you don’t need to apologize for anything. It’s your CEO and manager that need to apologize for the fact that they modified the contract without my knowledge, attempted to take advantage of my work to call it their own, and insulted me as an independent artist and producer,” You say as you were shocked with how things turned out.

Clearly, you were not in the right headspace to continue talking about what just happened. In fact, you were pissed with the events that transpired a while ago. You signed up to produce the final track with possible minimal changes, not a fucking demo.

“Y/N, will you hear me out?” Sunwoo asks which makes you let out a sigh.

“Yes, sorry. Please, say what you need to say,” You say, hoping he would understand what you felt considering how you opened up to him two days ago.

“I think you should still agree to it.”

Upon hearing those words, your mouth opens in shock. The one person you trusted to understand what you felt about this issue seemed to be turning their back on you. Considering that Sunwoo knew what you went through, you could not believe what he was asking you to do.

“I’m sorry?”

“It’ll still be a good opportunity! I’ll make sure they credit you for it, and I’ll even express my gratitude to ensure that people know you worked on this.” You let out a chuckle of disbelief as you shake off his hand that was once resting on your shoulder (and held your hand countless times).

“Kim Sunwoo, I expected better from you.” Before he could say anything, you cut him off.

“No, you don’t get to speak just yet. Sunwoo, you are an artist in this industry. You know how companies treat demos, and how there are opportunities for artists like me to get fucked over. Your company is not that different from others; they only care for profit as artists continue to struggle in this fucked up industry.”

“Sunwoo, I can’t believe that after everything I told you a few days ago, you dare to ask me something so difficult. I would have thought that out of all the people you would be the one who would understand, but clearly, you are no different from the companies who took advantage of me.”

You stand there for a few seconds in hopes to hear Sunwoo argue that he is not like the people who took advantage of you. In fact, you were waiting for him to say he understood and that he would like to apologize. But when no words came out of his mouth, that is when you knew that you were played with.

“Yeah, fuck you, Sunwoo. Don’t bother contacting me again.” With that, you stormed off and left him to sit in with what you said. You did not like to admit it but you were sure you felt tears fall as you continued to make your way back home on foot.

if you liked this, please take some time to like and reblog this!

#tranquil fic rec #group: the boyz #member: sunwoo #genre: s2f2l #au: music and lyrics #type: long fic

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quantumhyeop · 2 years ago

Text

𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐰𝐞 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 — act I, scene iv

nonidol!hwang intak x f!reader

when summit poster boy hwang intak's car breaks down in the school parking lot, it sets off a chain of events that leads to you, someone he was perhaps always meant to find. the only problem is that the two of you are far from the ideal couple, and your peers are apt to keep that status quo.

▷ genre, chapter warnings. s2f2l, classism and discrimination, forbidden romance au, minimal swearing, angst, humor, honestly a very uncomfortable situation bc of rich people privileges (jerk alert)

▷ word count. 2.5k

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SUMMER (RISING JUNIORS).

INTAK'S eyelids stuck together like glue, but the sharp morning light beaming into his face pried them open. The heavy embroidered curtains on either side of his bed were violently ripped open and a large weight launched onto the bed beside him, practically sending his body flying into the air.

"What the fu—?" Intak cursed, sitting up in bed and trying to get a grasp of reality. His room erupted into delighted cackles—hyenas, if you would—and he dug the soles of his palms into his eyes with a groan. "I hate you guys."

A hand clapped down on his shoulder with a warm squeeze. "If it weren't for us, you'd be sleeping the day away," came Taeyang's voice. Of course, he had been the one to invade Intak's bed space.

"That was the idea," Intak whined, lips forming a pout as he rested up against the headboard.

Keeho chuckled from the foot of the bed. "Yeah, yeah. Well get up! We're gonna get dim sum."

Intak rolled his head to rest on Taeyang's shoulder. "The dim sum place doesn't start serving until 11, assholes."

Jiung appeared from the other side of the room where he had been tying the curtain back with the cord into a neat bow. His face was twisted into a distasteful frown as he surveyed the clothes hanging off of almost every piece of furniture in the room. "Okay and? It's 10:30, sleeping beauty."

"I was gonna put those away," Intak said through a yawn, blindly gesturing toward the three different jackets hanging on the bedpost. Jiung's frown deepened, nose wrinkled, as he plucked the jackets up and dutifully headed for the closet.

"Why are you so tired anyway, dude?" Keeho asked. He had pulled his phone out from his pocket, most likely replying to his parents to tell them he wouldn't be headed to the company building today. "We literally ended our movie marathon early yesterday because you said you wanted to sleep or something."

That triggered something in the back of Intak's mind, and he removed his head from Taeyang's shoulder to feel around the blankets, sheets, pillows, for his—bingo. He snatched his phone up, molten hot from overuse, and powered it on. Luckily, it hung onto life at just 6% battery; goddamn, he must have fallen asleep while on call with Yn last night.

…while on call with Yn last night. The thought brought a smile to his face, one that Taeyang definitely noticed.

The older Choi cousin poked the small divot in Intak's cheek from his smile. "Aye, what're you smiling about?"

Intak cleared his throat and busied himself with finding his charging cable and letting his phone charge on the nightstand. "The thought of eating all your har gow!" he giggled, abruptly leaping out of bed and heading for the closet that Jiung was busy organizing.

Taeyang squawked after him. "Hey, punk! You better not—"

Intak shooed Jiung out of the closet space before closing the door behind him. He exhaled sharply, fingers massaging his crusty eyes. The smile had yet to disappear from his face.

jae's phone: maaaaan did i fall asleep on u last night ?? 😩🤕

yer a wizard yn!: yup

yer a wizard yn!: did u know that u snore 😗

jae's phone: that's a lil embarrassing

yer a wizard yn!: it's okay it was cute

"I'm hungry."

Yn rolled her eyes, the back of her hand dabbing the sweat from her forehead. "Then get food."

Jongseob groaned melodramatically with his head craned backward at an uncomfortable angle, sweat dripping from his damp orange bangs onto the cement floor of the garage. "But I want ramen."

"I don't understand the problem," she sighed, "there's hot water and packets in—"

"I could use some ramen." Soul perked up from his station. He had his blond hair held by a gray bandana tied cutely at the front.

Now both kids were gazing at her with big, brown puppy eyes and pouts, all practically begging the same thing: they wanted real ramen. Not something out of a plastic bag that could be made in two minutes. They wanted something sit-down, steam-rising, creamy, authentic, expensive. Well, it didn't necessarily have to be expensive. It just had to not be 'instant.'

Yn reached for her phone to check for the time, noting the new notification on the lock screen, as well.

tak!: ln's auto repair has a cute little kid on their facebook page

Suppressing the smile on her face into a smirk, she decided that the three of them had been working far too long to be considering this as summer break. And as much as they needed the money and time, they also desperately needed down time. Her mom would be able to reopen the shop later in the afternoon; business had been slow anyway.

"Okay, fine!" She said, which was immediately followed by cheers and the clinking of tools falling to concrete. "But you both stink, so go home and freshen up while I close up here, okay?"

They didn't need to be told twice. Soul was already wrestling his bicycle out from the corner of the garage, and Jongseob passed by her with a large grin on his face to get to the inner office. "Thanks, Yn!"

Yn let her smile come out completely as she hummed her acknowledgement.

yn's phone: r u stalking our fb page lmao we haven't posted anything there since i was a fetus

tak!: bet ur even cuter now than u were then

Yn could only sit there and grin down at her phone screen for a moment. In the background, Soul and Jongseob were arguing about who got to use the shower at Yn's place first, since it was the closest house to the shop. Their sounds faded the further they rode away from the shop, and Yn typed her reply.

yn's phone: avoiding my accusation w flattery i see 🤔

tak!: is my curiosity a crime snookums :l

tak!: y haven't u guys updated pics anyway :0

yn's phone: hm idk ? ig just w lots of things happening these past few years, we forgot to maintain that form of community presence

tak!: ahh i see

tak!: u were a really cute kid tho yn fr

yn's phone: lol thanks >< i think everyone looks cute when they're young tho

tak!: that's tru

yn's phone: hey if u send me a pic for ur contact pfp, i'll send u one back

Then she powered her phone off and tucked it into the back pocket of her cargo pants, skipping around the garage to close the shop down. If Jongseob and Soul were here, she would most definitely get an earful. But good thing they weren't here, right?

When she finally got back home, she found Jongseob nose-deep in his phone game on the couch, his orange hair dampened over his forehead and a towel wrapped around his shoulders. Shota was just strolling out of the bathroom, steam trailing after him, while running a towel through his own hair. She quickly found a fresh set of clothes in her room before hopping into the shower herself.

As she clipped her wet hair up and out of the way, she saw the flicker of something across her phone screen on the bathroom counter. Again, and again, and—

Knock knock knock knock knock— "I'M HUNGRYYYY," Jongseob whined from outside the bathroom door.

Yn rolled her eyes and tucked her phone into her back pocket before ripping the bathroom door open. She sent a firm look at him that said 'Really?'

Jongseob beamed sheepishly. "Haha?"

She deadpanned. "Not haha. C'mon now; is Shota ready to go?"

"Mhm," he piped up, skipping toward the front door. He thumped the back of the couch where Soul had replaced him. "Let's go, let's go!"

Yn could only wonder why the kid was so pumped to finally get lunch, but at the same time, she understood that he probably hadn't had something "restaurant"-level in awhile. This was a luxury that could only be afforded to them during moments where time was infinite. And during summer, time seemed to flow like the milky way.

The three of them began the brief trek to the bus stop, since Yn's mom had taken the family car out to run some errands. It wasn't too bad of a walk anyway, and there seemed to always be a bus coming by every ten minutes down in the Hollows.

They would hop off at the stop in the Crossroads shopping center, aiming for the small, yet upscale ramen shop in the corner. Passing through the open doorway, the three friends chorused their greetings to the chef behind the counter before perching on the stools at the bar.

"Man, oxtail sounds so good right now," Soul pouted to himself, hand against his cheek.

Yn glanced at him before turning her own gaze back to the menu in front of her. The oxtail did sound good, but it was a lot more expensive than everything else. Today wasn't even a special occasion either… she'd probably wait until another day. She passed Soul another look, and at his slight frown, she understood that he was under the same mental crisis as she was.

"Shota-yah," she said to him over Jongseob's head. "If you want the oxtail, you should get it. I can help cover for you."

Soul's eyes widened at this. "Oh, no, no, noona! I couldn't do that; no way! I can get it some other time."

"I insist," she said. If she paid for her bowl and the extra for Soul's… it wouldn't be too bad. No, it definitely wouldn't be bad. This was doable.

Guilt flashed across Shota's face, but she could see the yearning there as well. "I dunno…"

Yn nudged Jongseob as an attempt to switch the subject. "What're you thinking of, Seob?"

He cocked a brow at her. "Don't think you're gonna pay for my lunch, too."

"Who said I would pay for your lunch?"

"Hey!"

She laughed, her lips pursing into an amused smile at Jongseob's pinched brows and annoyed expression. "Only kidding… kind of."

Jongseob opened his mouth to say something, but his eyes flickered to something behind Yn, towards the entrance. Yn heard the chatter and laughter pouring in as a large group of teenagers filed into the shop. There were maybe twelve of them in total, all of whom decked out in designer brands and handbags and shoes and fresh manicures. Their hair was silky and styled, bodies adorned in shiny pieces of jewelry.

Summit kids. Well fuck.

They were loud, boisterous. Yn could feel the shift in her friends' demeanors as Jongseob sent the group nasty looks over his shoulder and Soul kept his back firmly toward them. She prayed to whoever was watching her that they wouldn't do anything to ruin their lunch.

The ramen shop was suddenly ten times smaller now.

Yn heard the group's chatter dull down when they realized just who exactly they were to share the shop with. The chatter became louder, laughter became sharper. She didn't need to strain her ears to hear what they were saying, rather, she was putting more energy in trying to tune them out than anything.

"Do you think we can pay the uncle there to kick them out?"

"I don't even think they could afford to tip. Buying this place out shouldn't be difficult."

Buying out a ramen shop? Just because they were in the midst of a couple of Hollows kids… dramatic much?

Yn stilled as she heard the crisp click, click, click of a pair of new shoes approach the bar where she and her friends sat. From her peripheral vision, she caught a slim, smooth hand adorned in tasteful silver rings and a jade bracelet, motioning to the chef behind the counter.

"Excuse me, uncle! I was wondering if my friends and I could… have the room."

A flash of bills. Actually—Yn couldn't even estimate how much was in that girl's hand, but at the sight of it, the uncle immediately began to wave Yn, Jongseob, and Soul off their stools.

Yn gaped at him, and took her first full glimpse of the girl. She looked familiar, no doubt someone from the academy. The girl looked upon the three of them with a blank stare, pretty, manicured hand waving goodbye to them and nodding toward the door.

"We're paying customers, too!" Yn protested to the chef, who only shrugged. She huffed. "You've got to be shitting me."

A loud laugh from behind them—it was from the larger group. She whirled around, nostrils flared. A boy from the group sneered, "You literally have grease stains on your neck. Don't you think you should be cleaner before thinking you could come and dirty a respectable establishment?"

Respectable establishment, my ass, Yn thought. She suppressed the urge to reach up to feel the back of her neck for any lingering stains from earlier while Jongseob ushered both her and Soul out of the door.

They were halfway back down the hill before Yn could even think to say anything. The anger boiling in her blood had simmered down to something akin to disappointment rather than anger. Part of it, she reasoned, that the uncle was only looking out for his best interests. The Summit kids could fund his shop for life if they really wanted to, but her and her friends? Not a chance.

But… she glanced over at Jongseob and Soul who remained quiet as well. It was odd to see Jongseob so quiet, but perhaps he was fuming as she was and trying not to throw a fit.

The sun beat down above them as they walked down the hill, sweat already beginning to drip down the back of her neck. She finally reached behind her neck, on the shirt collar, then caught a glimpse of the car grease staining her fingertips. She felt her neck and cheeks grow hotter in embarrassment.

"I'm sorry guys," she finally said softly, the words too difficult to put power behind. She didn't know how she managed to choke them out. Guilt pooled in her gut, guilt for not being able to stand up for them better and to be able to get her two best friends fed and treated well.

Both Jongseob and Soul hummed their replies incoherently.

She swallowed, holding a hand up over her eyes as she looked up from the ground. "It's okay. I'll just make some ramen at home. It's not oxtail, but…" But what?

Jongseob glared straight ahead. "I hate those fucking entitled little pricks."

Ah, there it was.

Yn pursed her lips together with a nod. "Yeah."

"And don't apologize, Yn," Soul said. "You have nothing to be sorry about."

She swallowed again, but it was a little more difficult this time. "I just wanted you guys to have a good time and to eat well."

Her friends both looked over at her with something glistening in their eyes. "We know," said Jongseob. "Thanks though."

The disappointment fell from them like waves, and Yn couldn't seem to brace for impact quite as well as she hoped she could.

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permanent taglist: @flwoie @vatterie @seomisaho @hqrana @ja4hyvn @kaaimins @shakalakaboomboo @sodafy @leaz-kpop-life @pxppxrminty @fluorescentloves @mosviqu @haechansbbg @kflixnet @http-gyu @mvvnsseul @outrologist

#oopsie wrong account but yk it's whatever #tranquil fic rec

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quantumhyeop · 2 years ago

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"...if i wanted to save animals, i'd become a veterinarian. if i wanted to save the devil, i'd become a preacher. but i am a doctor, and my oath doesn't apply to those as inhuman as you."

jesus fucking christ. that's cold.

#the glory #this gave me the chills when he said it

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quantumhyeop · 2 years ago

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ah, hanahaki aus. it makes me think about how much love hurts. but he's certainly right. emotions can be out of our control, and it's not up to us how other people feel.

"... You will know when the time comes,"

that hurts, especially with how oblivious she is to the situation.

and i found it interesting how you had jeonghan say love was a "faustian deal". i had to look up the term, and found this definition: a pact whereby a person trades something of supreme moral or spiritual importance, such as personal values or the soul, for some worldly or material benefit, such as knowledge, power, or riches.

so i interpreted it in the context of the hanahaki disease to mean that if jeonghan had went with the option of surgery, he would trade his ability to feel and love for the benefit of simply being alive. and of course, he didn't want that.

time to recover from sadness now lmao

Cemetery of flowers

Characters: Jeonghan & OC

Setting: hanahaki au

Genre: angst

Summary: He claimed it was a poetic way to die

Words: 1k

Inspiration: “You made flowers grow in my lungs and although they are beautiful, I can’t fucking breathe.”

Love is a Faustian deal: it gives and takes.

Keep reading

#tranquil fic rec #group: seventeen #member: jeonghan #genre: angst #au: hanahaki

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quantumhyeop · 2 years ago

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ah, this was so cute! but it also had a great amount of angst, and fuck y/n's "friends". i'm glad she could find comfort in a reliable companion.

ooh and the polaroids reminded me that i also have a polaroid camera, maybe i should put it to use more, lol.

coincidentally, i had a similar idea for a fic in my head, because i honestly don't enjoy cleaning but then i run into some cherished item and remember all the memories associated with it. overall, this fic felt nostalgic, now that y/n and gunwook are in a better place.

heyy :p can you write something for gunwook? ^^ i'm so in love w him like bffr 💔

POLAROID LOVE ! park gunwook

fluff, angst ♡

📸 a/n ; IM SO SORRY FOR RESPONDING TO THIS SO LATE... IM IN LOVE WITH HIM AS WELL ME TOO BESTIE ME TOO (tysm for your request, i had a lot of fun writing this!)

📸 synopsis ; spring cleaning with gunwook allows for you to come to the realisation that some things simply cannot be let go.

📸 contains ; boyfriend ! gunwook x fem ! reader, kissing, pet names ; babe/baby, mentions of slut-shaming and bullying, lmk if i missed anything !

📸 wc ; 2.7k (woah)

spring cleaning was one of your least favourite times of year.

sure, it was nice to go back and look at the memories you had collected with your boyfriend, gunwook over the years.

but it was difficult to sort things into the 'keep' and the 'throw away' piles. there were just too many perfect things. photo albums filled with all of your favourite pictures you had taken together. the on-the-verge-of-broken polaroid camera you had bought after graduating high school and used all through college. souvenirs and gifts you had bought for each other and cherished since.

gunwook opened the storeroom door and peeked his head in, finding you sprawled across the floor with all of the photos and albums, looking through each one. you looked back up at him, meeting his eyes with his restless frown.

he walked over, sitting down beside you.

"how are you going?" he asked, tilting his head to the side to get a proper view at your fixated face.

you groaned in response.

"can't find anything to throw out."

"we don't have to throw things out, you know."

"then what's the point in spring cleaning?" you grumbled, scooting closer to him and leaning your head against his knee. he smiled and put a hand on your head, playing with the loose strands.

"the point is to look at the things we have and cherish our memories. and maybe throw some of the junk out. you're not supposed to try to find the junk, though. you're supposed to have fun."

"cleaning isn't fun." you rebutted, completely disregarding what he'd just said.

"god, you're so negative." he sighed.

"well i'm sorry, mister optimist." you responded gloomily. gunwook reached over to grab one of the photo albums you hadn't opened yet.

"is this the one with our college photos?" he asked, opening the hardcover, grinning at the photos that met his eyes.

you looked up, intrigued by his reaction. he patted the spot between his legs, gesturing for you to sit with him. you took the offer keenly, crawling into the spot and cradling your knees to your chest as you laid back against his shoulder.

"we took these on our first day of college." he smiled, pointing at the polaroid photos on the first page.

you giggled at the old memory, "that hairstyle was not for me."

you flipped the page over, gasping at the photos you'd completely forgotten about. the pictures were both you and gunwook's favourite college memory, polaroid photos you had taken under a cherry blossom tree in spring, the petals on your heads and entangled in your hair.

"i miss this time!"

gunwook hummed in agreement, "you were so cute and stupid in college."

you elbowed his side, making him laugh as he closed the album.

"oh, did you find the charm necklace last week?" he asked, remembering how you had been looking around for the anniversary gift he'd gotten for you in high school.

"no. i haven't been able to find it since we moved here."

"it should be in here somewhere." he responded, rummaging through the different things in the box until his fingers found the chain of the necklace. he pulled it out, showing you the piece of jewelry you'd been looking for.

you gasped, taking it and looking down at it excitedly. there were three charms on the necklace, which gunwook had gotten specially made just for you. a love letter, a star and a raindrop, all things that had taken part in the journey of getting to know each other the two of you had taken.

the love letter. that was probably your favourite of the bunch.

being labelled the 'quiet, pretty, rich, smart, popular girl' all of high school wasn't really as glorious as they made it seem in the hollywood movies. nobody really recognised you for what you were. they all had just pretended to like you because of who you were. your status. all of your friends had used you. they boys who confessed to you never really liked you for anything but your looks. and you constantly heard people talking behind your back because of how 'spoiled and rotten' you were.

and then one day you arrived to school extra early to study for your exam later that week, seeing the tall outline of a boy slipping a letter into the gap in your locker door.

normally when you got letters in your locker it was from random people calling you names or threatening you. it was probably the same thing.

you waited for him to scurry away from your locker and down the hallway, disappearing around the corner before nearing your locker. as you opened it, the letter slipping out and lightly dancing through the air until it landed on the floor.

this letter wasn't like the others. it had a pink heart sticker keeping the paper envelope shut, it wasn't scrunched up or covered in strange stains. it didn't look malicious at all.

you picked up the paper, peeling off the sticker, opening the flap and pulling out the paper.

the letter was sweet. it made you feel appreciated for once. every kind sentence made your heart flutter and your face warm up.

if only you had gotten a better look of the person before they ran away. the letter had no signature.

the next few months carried on. life had changed since that fateful day. a new letter arrived in your locker every friday. it was like a nice gift to conclude your stressful week.

it was almost scary how well this person knew you.

but it was nice having someone value you. even if you weren't close with that someone. even if you didn't really know them.

you wished you knew them. it would be nice to be with someone who understood you.

but oh well.

now you were in chemistry class, your table completely to yourself if you disregarded the quiet boy who sat beside you, clearly not by choice as every other seat in the back had been taken by someone.

his name was park gunwook. you knew absolutely nothing about him except for the fact that he was crazy smart. which made sense. the only time you'd seen him outside of chemistry was at lunchtime. he sat by himself in the back of the cafeteria, headphones plugged in as he studied in his own little corner of the world.

and then the teacher said the words of doom and demise, 'your partner for the project will be whoever you're sitting beside.'

you'd dealt with horrible project partners like it was the back of your hand. people who sat back and did absolutely nothing while you had to work your ass off to complete the entire thing. people who were your 'friends' until it was time to start working. people who somehow did everything but help.

but this would be different.

at least you were on familiar terms with those other people.

how the hell were you supposed to work on a project with park gunwook?

the teacher continued to explain the expectations of the project whilst you sunk into your chair out of despair.

however, much to your surprise, gunwook wasn't all that bad. he did the work, he was actually quite fun to talk with and he had a lot in common with you.

even after the project had ended and the two of you had received your perfect scores, you continued to enjoy each other's company. at lunch you stopped sitting with your horrible friends in preference for sitting with gunwook and studying together. you stopped doing work with them in favour for doing it with gunwook. you began to completely steer away from them.

and you were enjoying every single second of it.

the letters in your locker never stopped throughout all of this. they began to double, now you were receiving them twice a week rather than once.

some of them were short, sentence long letters and others were long, poetic masterpieces that you were sure deserved to be published.

you kept and cherished each envelope.

maybe it was inhumane to be in such a relationship with a person who's name you didn't even know.

but that didn't matter. only you and your anonymous admirer knew about this.

weeks passed and gunwook was now your best friend in the entire world. you told him everything (of course, excluding the letters) and he told you everything. he felt like the only reason you were coming to school everyday.

tonight you were attending a party that all of the seniors had been invited to. you had tried to get gunwook to join you, but parties really weren't his thing.

they were never yours either. but your old friends had asked for you to come. and so you did.

when you arrived they pulled you outside to speak with you.

there they called you all sorts of names.

a slut.

a wannabe.

a bitch.

a loser.

they took photos and videos of you crying as they pushed you around and poured glasses of punch over your head, whilst you sat there completely powerless.

the videos got posted online and were shared around everywhere.

now you were the laughing stock of the school. all in one hour.

you sat there at the curb, the flashing lights and the music from the party inside blaring. you stared into the empty road, the rain pattering down onto your back as tears welled up in your reddening eyes.

your brand new dress was now ruined, covered in bright red stains. your favourite necklace was broken, unfixable after they ripped the piece of jewelry off of your neck and stomped it into the pavement. your image was ruined. now you couldn't even imagine going back to school to face them.

"y/n." a voice from behind you spoke up. you turned around, eyes widened at the sight of gunwook. his hair dripping, the puffer jacket he had on over his clothes soaked, his chest heaving as he was clearly out of breath.

he extended his arm out to you, waiting for you to grab it to use as support to bring yourself to your feet before he threw his arms around you in a hug. "i've been messaging you all night. are you okay?"

"no." you croaked in response.

"fuck them." he said, looking down at you, "they don't deserve you," his hand cupped the side of your face as he wiped away a tear with his thumb.

"i hate it here." you shuddered below your breath.

"come on, then. let's get away from here."

and so gunwook brought you away, his arm around your waist as he brought you to the local park. the both of you soaked in rainwater and drenched in complete silence. not a word was exchanged as the two of you stared up into the stars.

you stayed like that for the next few hours. and although you didn't speak, you could feel the warmth of gunwook's presence right beside you. and you appreciated it more than anything else.

when midnight struck, he walked you home.

and at your door, he said the words of magic.

"i love you."

the videos eventually circled back to your parents. they couldn't believe their eyes.

they refused to let you go back to school.

when you finally did, it wasn't to attend classes. you arrived hours before school opened. and whilst your parents stayed at the front office, filling out your school exit forms, you emptied out your locker for all of your belongings.

it wasn't much to your surprise that there was about a dozen letters from your admirer. but you weren't in the mood to open them.

a week or so passed. you would be starting at your new school tomorrow. you laid in your bed and stared glumly a the ceiling.

you missed gunwook.

but you were way to afraid to open your phone and text him. you were terrified of the thought of going over and visiting his house. you couldn't even think about talking to him.

you had just abandoned him. after he had told you that he loved you.

you didn't even get to tell him back.

you rolled over in your satin sheets and sniffled, tears coming to your eyes.

you didn't want to go to a new school. you wanted to be wherever gunwook was. you never wanted to be apart from him.

because in reality, you loved him too.

you loved him so horrendously much.

you'd been in love with this all of this time. but where on earth would you find the words to depict it? he was your best friend. he was your happiness. he was everything you could ever want. and you were just some silly little girl.

you groaned beneath your breath.

you couldn't sleep. just as you couldn't the night before. and the night before that.

you sat up and looked around the floors of your dim room, until your eyes found something that peaked your interest.

the box that had all of your things from your locker. you'd been much to busy to unpack everything. but that wasn't important right now.

the letters. you pulled yourself out of bed and walked over, sitting down on the carpet space beside the box. you opened the lid and took the pile of letter that had remained unread.

your eyes found one that had a flower taped onto the paper envelope. you tore in open and pulled out the paper. the words that laid before you made your soul escape your body.

my dearest y/n, it's me. park gunwook :)

tears raced uncontrollably down your cheeks as you struggled to find yourself. it was him. he'd been there all along. he'd been yours all along. you were just too naive to see to it.

you stood to your feet and put on your slippers. you opened your bedroom door and went downstairs.

you were going to see him. you had to see him.

you unlocked the front door, your eyes widening as you eyes met park gunwook on the other side, his hand raised as he was clearly about to knock. in his other hand was another letter.

a small smile came to his face.

he was crying, just as you were.

"y/n." the way he whispered your name so delicately, as if you were all he knew.

because you were.

you struggled to speak, the feeling of knives inside your throat beckoning as your bottom lip quivered.

it was raining. pouring down as it was that fateful night.

you threw your arms around him in a hug and closed your eyes without a word. he carefully hugged you back.

"i love you." he said softly.

and this time, you got to say it back.

the memories flooded through your head as you looked down at the necklace.

"come on, i'll put it on for you." gunwook smiled, taking it out of your hands. he pushed you hair to the side as he did up the necklace. he grinned as you looked into the reflection of yourself in the mirror across from the two of you, "beautiful." he whispered.

you leaned back against his body as he wrapped him arms around you. you turned to the pile of things until your eyes widened at something you recognised.

the polaroid camera.

you quickly picked it up.

"does this thing still work?" you turned your head to gunwook, who looked at it unsurely.

"well, we can test it out." he suggested. you nodded your head and held it up, making sure the two of you were within frame.

"smile, loser." you said.

flash! went the camera and out came your image. you frowned at the empty polaroid film.

"it didn't work."

gunwook grinned and shook his head, "you have to wait for it. it takes a second." he said, "in the meantime," he cupped the side of your face as he connected his lips to yours in a gentle kiss, "i love you."

you felt a warm sensation rush to your cheeks as he kissed you again. and again. and again.

you were short of breath when he finally kissed your cheek and looked to your eyes lovingly, before down at the polaroid. he chuckled and picked it up.

"we both blinked." he said.

you took the photo from his hands and picked up the camera.

"we can try again." you suggested with a grin.

maybe after today you would stop hating spring cleaning so much.

#tranquil fic rec #group: zb1 #member: gunwook #genre: fluff #genre: angst

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quantumhyeop · 2 years ago

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Family photo

#honkai star rail #astral express #i love them

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quantumhyeop · 2 years ago

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AHH this is eris cleaning up all the reviews that are in her drafts, i wanna say thank you for this piece! it's always nice to read a little fluff. i wonder where things would go from here, now that he works at the convenience store the reader frequents.

˗ˏˋ꒰ 🎧 ꒱ FOR LOVERS WHO HESITATE — j. wy.

・🎵・ SUMMARY > Just like in movies, you encounter your ex boyfriend. But why are you drawn to him again?

❥ PAIRING > ex bf! wooyoung x gn! reader

❥ GENRE > fluff, a little bit of angst (i promise you, u won’t cry), implied right person wrong time, exes to lovers

❥ WARNINGS > mentions of a break up, thats pretty much it

❥ NOTE > THIS WORK IS PURE FICTION, ALL THE IDOLS MENTIONED IN THIS DO NOT REFLECT WITH THEIR ACTUAL LIFE AND CAREER. THIS IS A NON-IDOL ALTERNATIVE UNIVERSE

❥ SONATA SPEAKING > I ACTUALLY STARTED CRINGING WHEN I WROTE THIS. anyways this is my submission for the @kflixnet exchange event !! hii eris (@tranquilpetrichor) i’m your “secret santa” for the event, i’m glad i tried writing for ateez and i hope you’ll enjoy this work (cause i didn’t 💀)

❥ WORD COUNT > 0.7k

You watch your friends figure out what movie to watch. It was midnight, and you decided to invite your friends over for a sleepover. You watched the TV as your friend scrolled through the list of movies.

“I’m gonna get us some food,” you said as you stood up to go to the kitchen.

You opened the cabinet to find nothing. Checking the fridge, you find an almost empty carton of juice and your sibling’s leftover soup from a week ago. There was nothing to eat.

You reasoned, "Might as well buy something." You grabbed your jacket and left the house. You went to the local convenience store and thought about what to buy. You went to the snack aisle to find whatever you could find. Just chips and sweets are fine. You grabbed a few bags of chips and candy and went to the checkout. You set the items on the counter and open your wallet to look for some money.

“12.59,” the cashier said. You look up to give them a twenty-dollar bill and recognise them. You were perplexed, and they were mirroring your expression.

You questioned the man in front of you, "Wooyoung?" Wooyoung was your boyfriend in high school. You've been dating him since your first year of high school, but after you graduated, he told you he was moving away because his parents got a better job in another city. It’s been three years, and now he finally appears in front of you, in a convenience store.

“Y/N.” Wooyoung spoke up, and you two were silent. You tried looking away. He remarked, "It's been a while.” You nodded, "Yeah, it has. I didn’t know you were working here. I go here all the time."

He said, grinning, "I just started working here last week. You looked behind you and saw no one in the store, then looked back at him. "How have you been?" he asked. "I'm doing great, how about you?"

"I’m fine as well," he said. "So what are you doing in pyjamas at midnight? It’s not something you’d do." He’s right; you would never go in the middle of the night in pyjamas buying food. You're surprised he still has a vague memory of you.

You replied, "I have a few friends over, and I didn't have food at my house, so I just walked here.

"You live around here?"

"Yeah, I moved here last year." Wooyoung smiled at your response. He always found himself grinning foolishly when he was talking to you.

"I’m sorry," he said. His smile turned into a frown.

"Sorry for what?" Your tone grew softer. Why would he apologise when he hasn't done anything wrong to you since your breakup?

"For suddenly seeing you here," What he really meant was he should’ve seen you at a proper place and proper time, "and for leaving you."

He felt guilty for breaking up with you because he had to move. There was no reason to be mad at him; it was reasonable for him to break up with you.

"You don’t need to be sorry; I forgave you the day you left."

"I’m still sorry. I should’ve never left you in the first place." With each passing word, you could feel your heart dropping.

"Stop crying; you’re making me cry." You noticed tears starting to fall down your cheeks. Your words made him laugh.

"Why are you crying?" he asked while chuckling.

You said, wiping away your tears, "’Cause you're crying." You weren’t wrong when you said you did everything with him.

"You’re pretty when you cry," he said. You tried hiding your flustered face. You uttered, "I miss this." You miss being around Wooyoung; his presence was already comforting enough.

"If you still haven't moved on, we can try again." He smiled at you while holding your hand. “I'd love that,” you responded with a smile. Your phone started ringing, and you picked it up.

"Where did you go?" Your friend on the phone asked, "I went to the kitchen, but you weren’t even there."

"I’m at a convenience store; there wasn’t any food, so I went to go buy some."

They yelled, "Well, you better come back; we'll start the movie without you if you don't come back sooner."

"I’ll be there." After hanging up, you turned to face Wooyoung. You assured him you had each other’s number, and you took your food. He called your name as you approached the door.

"Your change!" he yelled as he opened the cash register.

"Keep it."

PERMANENT TAGLIST ❥ @hanniluvi @giantkeroppi @son4taa @soobin-chois @4soobinonly @w3bqrl @xiaoderrrr

#group: ateez #member: wooyoung #genre: fluff #genre: angst #au: exes to lovers #tropes: right person wrong time

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quantumhyeop · 2 years ago

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wait i'm so excited for this. the piwon tag is so dry and i feel like i've been lacking inspiration for them as of recently, pls. the established class divide, the past friendship between yn and jaehyuk conflicting with the current situation she's in? honestly i don't think i read that many forbidden love aus but like i said, i'm excited to see where this one goes!

also, why do i have a feeling that intak and yn are not gonna have a happy ending... help maybe that's just the cynic in me when it comes to romance LOLLL

𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐰𝐞 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 — act I, scene i

nonidol!hwang intak x f!reader

▷ genre, chapter warnings. s2f2l, grief and mentions of death, classism and discrimination, forbidden romance au, minimal swearing, i know nothing about cars

▷ word count. 3.0k

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THE END OF SOPHOMORE YEAR.

IT was doomed from the beginning.

"Well, I can't just let it die," Hwang Intak squawked, hands buried in his neat nest of effortless brunet curls. He stood before the cherry red Ford Mustang convertible, steam rising from its front hood. He and Choi Jiung gawked at the old piece of junk uselessly and miserably. "This was Jaehyuk hyung's. I can't just…" Let it die with him.

Jiung scratched the back of his head with a wince. "Well, shit, dude. Sorry, but you'll have to call a really good mechanic to come fix it up."

"In the school parking lot?" Intak gestured widely to the grand landscape around them bustling with kids and cars, chatter and laughter. School had just been dismissed and everyone was hustling their way out of the godforsaken grounds of the Crossroads, the middle ground region between the Summit and the Hollows. Dirty glares were shot out from behind shiny pairs of Gucci glasses, ignored by others in hand me down jeans and sneakers falling apart at the canvas seams. Those of the Summit would fall into the Italian leather seats of their Porsches, racing out of the academy parking lot and leaving streak marks and exhaust fumes in their wake; while those of the Hollows would begin their trek down the hill into the valley region. If they were lucky, maybe they'd be able to finesse their old model cars into chugging their way down.

Intak had a different kind of old car. Really, the hunk of metal was more vintage than old. It was something his late older brother Jaehyuk was into, and only Jaehyuk had had the patience to learn how to fix it.

"Where'd he even learn how to fix it?" Jiung asked, turning over his shoulder to send some questionable loiterers a glance that said 'hey bitch, yeah, scat.' (Outright telling them wasn't his style; no one could fault him if they got scared by the look in his eyes. Then again, with the hold his family had over people, no one would ever fault him.)

Intak had resorted to pulling Jaehyuk's old phone out and scouring through his contacts for someone most likely labeled with something related to car mechanics. "I dunno. He said something about a friend of his." He wasn't exactly surprised; some of the people around here liked to focus their time on things that weren't school, and what better to entertain the affluent than shiny, luxury cars?

All hope seemed to be lost until—ping!

Intak startled as his older brother's phone chirped with an incoming message. Jiung had wandered off to go find his friend and cousin Choi Taeyang, so Intak was alone on this. The sun would have made everything much more difficult to see, but luckily, he had managed to score one of the spots under the solar panel roofs.

The message was from someone named "yer a wizard yn!" in Jaehyuk's contacts. How's the convertible doing?

His eyebrows furrowed together as he pondered who Yn could be. It sounded like a… feminine name, but he couldn't be sure. And if his brother knew this person, did they not know that he was dead?

Intak began typing out a message: Hey, this is Jaehyuk's younger brother, Intak. Who is this?

The person had read the message, but the typing dots kept on appearing and disappearing, before reappearing again. Did they think they would even get a response?

When he was just about to give up, the message appeared. Just wanted to check on the car. Jae always asked me to help.

Ah, so this was his brother's mechanic—wait. But they called him Jae, so they had to have been a friend of Jaehyuk's, or at least a close acquaintance. Only his friends called him Jae or Hyuk. Either way, relief soared through Intak's body and he was swift to send his next messages.

jae's phone: the car's not doing great like it won't start

jae's phone: i'm in my school's parking lot and my house is kinda far, so i could hitch a ride back w a friend, but i don't wanna leave it here

jae's phone: did u teach my brother how to maintain this thing?

Intak tapped his foot against the ground. Was that too much? He felt like this Yn person replied in a much more matter-of-fact way and less personable than he would have liked.

yer a wizard yn!: yeah, i did

yer a wizard yn!: i'm sorry

yer a wizard yn!: for ur loss, i mean … he was a really good guy

jae's phone: it's okay, no need for all that

jae's phone: i mean, it was like a year ago so

Intak leaned up against the side of the car to keep from collapsing. Yeah, a year ago. But he was still reminded of that every day, in the people he saw, the places he went, and this damned car. He didn't know why he still held on.

yer a wizard yn!: he talked about u a lot

jae's phone: were u and him close?

He blinked in surprise at the messages being sent at the same time.

jae's phone: all good things i hope lol

yer a wizard yn!: yep a lot of good things, he thought the world of u

yer a wizard yn!: but we should probably get that old thing up and running right? don't want u stuck in the academy parking lot for too long

They totally just ignored his question… huh. That was interesting.

jae's phone: yeah def haha

yer a wizard yn!: can u describe for me what's going on? or pop open the hood and take a picture?

jae's phone: yeah ofc! gimme a sec

Intak scrambled into the driver's side door to pop open the hood of the car. Steam flew out, and he frowned as he waved the heat out of his face to snap a decent picture.

It was a miracle, really, the way they were able to walk him through maintaining the car all through pictures and text messages. He thought they must be one of the expensive car repair shops in the upper east side of the Summit, but he couldn't be too sure. All those assholes wouldn't talk to him like this, especially when they knew he didn't know anything about taking care of a vintage car and still drove it around. This Yn person texted or spoke like his age, but still in a reserved fashion, and they had been close with Jaehyuk.

He wondered if this could be one of his friends who had moved away for university, and that was why they couldn't be here in person to fix it.

About fifteen minutes later, he sat in the driver's side of the car with the engine roaring to life. Intak gasped, his eyes widening and a smile gracing his face. "Holy shit."

He scrambled to send a text. IT WORKED!!! OH MY GOD IT ACTUALLY WORKED.

yer a wizard yn!: yay !! congrats intak :) nice job

jae's phone: all thanks to u! tysm u really r a wizard

yer a wizard yn!: oh haha he kept that contact name?

jae's phone: yeah ig so, but it def fits

yer a wizard yn!: yeah

yer a wizard yn!: listen, if u need any help w the car in the future, just send a text and i'll try my best to help u out from here

jae's phone: if u don't mind me asking…

yer a wizard yn!: i do, actually

yer a wizard yn!: mind — i do mind u asking. i'm sorry, but u can't meet me in person or know who i am. it's just better this way, trust me

Intak's heart sank as he slumped in his seat. He coincidentally glanced up through the front windshield just as Jiung and Taeyang were making their way over to him. Almost half the parking lot was gone by now, the rest waiting in the massive line to get out. The two Choi cousins gestured to the car with grins on their faces and they appeared in Intak's open driver's side window.

"Hey! You got it working!" Jiung exclaimed. "How'd you manage that?"

Intak shrugged. "Just like magic, I guess."

Taeyang snorted with a knowing look in his eyes, a mischievous twinkle Intak knew all too well. "Nuh-uh. I saw you smiling down at your phone on our way over. Bro, who's got you smiling like that?"

As carefully as he could, Intak hid his brother's phone under his leg. "I asked someone and they helped me out, so I was just on Tiktok waiting for you guys."

They seemed to buy it from their shared expressions. "Well," Taeyang said, "we've gotta head back inside for this meeting thing, so we'll just find our own way home. Catch you later though?"

Intak nodded. "Yeah, for sure."

"See ya!" Jiung waved his goodbye as the two of them began walking away from Intak and the car, and back toward the academy.

Once he was sure that they were far enough away, he whipped out the phone from under his leg.

jae's phone: people literally only say that in the movies

jae's phone: i'm sorry that i'm being nosy, i'm just curious and i have a feeling u knew jae really well… idk

jae's phone: ykw sorry, guess i was just excited abt meeting someone that my brother knew

yer a wizard yn!: no, don't apologize, i get it. i really do, intak. if u wanna talk about *him*, i'm all for it, but for just… safety reasons, it's better if u and i remain strangers

jae's phone: what r u in a gang or something

yer a wizard yn!: LOL THAT'S THE FIRST THING U COME UP W??

Intak grinned. What? What else should I be thinking?

yer a wizard yn!: pfft lots of things

jae's phone: okaaay cryptic 🤨

jae's phone: wait what're ur pronouns? can i ask that?

yer a wizard yn!: she/her

jae's phone: ur not his secret ex gf right??

yer a wizard yn!: 🤦‍♀️

jae's phone: HEEEY WHAT?? 😔😔😔 ITS A VALID QUESTION OKAY

yer a wizard yn!: no, i was not his secret gf lmao just a friend and his on-call mechanic

jae's phone: is that a euphemism

yer a wizard yn!: i am going to SMACK U THRU THIS PHONE HWANG INTAK !!!

Intak bursted out laughing, eyes flickering up to ensure no one was watching him, but the parking lot was pretty much barren now and he had some privacy to enjoy himself. This Yn girl was a lot more fun to speak to now that she opened up a little. Maybe she was just reserved because she was nervous he would find out who she was. And that… was a mystery that would remain until she felt comfortable with telling him.

jae's phone: SOERY SORRY 🤣🤣 i couldnt help myself!!

yer a wizard yn!: u can go find a new mechanic 🚶‍♀️

jae's phone: NO NONO WAIIIIUT ur so sensitive 😔

yer a wizard yn!: and ur lame ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

jae's phone: i take personal offense to that

yer a wizard yn!: sounds like a u problem

jae's phone: man how tf was jae friends w u, he was even more sensitive than i am T-T

yer a wizard yn!: he was like a golden retriever i suppose, he liked to make friends

jae's phone: i like to make friends too :( can we be friends, yn 😔

yer a wizard yn!: sorry i'm being called away. lmk if the car starts acting up again

Intak didn't have to pretend he was upset that she just left the conversation. He wondered if this was the universe telling him to finally get over Jaehyuk's death and move on. But then again, if that were the case, then Yn's entrance into his life wouldn't have been necessary. Maybe there was an ultimate purpose to this, he thought, as he buckled himself in and put the two phones in the cupholder. Maybe this was the beginning of the end to his grieving.

"Who was that?"

Ln Yn jumped out of her skin, the screen of her phone pressed to her chest, as she whirled around to find Kim Jongseob peering over her shoulder with a less than amused look on his face. "No one."

He cocked a sharp eyebrow up. "Uh-huh. You don't have any other friends outside of me and Soul, so—"

"I do too have friends besides you guys."

"No one you text like that though," he called over his shoulder as he disappeared into his room, face buried into the screen of his own phone. The kid's eyes were glued to that thing, she swore to god. Sometimes, she would walk into his room and find him passed out in bed with his phone still actively playing whatever TV show he was binging.

Yn walked into the living room from the main corridor to find Haku Shota, or more commonly referred to as Soul, lounging on the couch. He too was on his phone. "Is this a thing now? We all hang out together but separately," she mused, plopping down on the other end of the couch so she could prop her legs and feet in his lap.

Shota moved his arms up so she could settle in comfortably before resting his hands and phone on her feet. "Nothing to do outside."

She deadpanned at him. "You're kidding. What's the new penny board you got then? Chopped liver?"

"It's raining."

"The sky is as clear as a diamond, Shota." It was almost summer break, after all. It was one of hers, and her friends', favorite times of the year, because no school, and all of the rich assholes on the hill would go off their separate ways to Cancun or something. Anywhere but here, at least. Far away from her.

As for Yn herself? She planned on clocking in some more time at the shop and hanging out with these losers—if they ever got off their phones.

She unconsciously checked her own phone screen for notifications. From who? Well, Jongseob hadn't exactly been wrong when he said the two people she texted most were him and Soul. A year ago, she had even texted her parents more, and a certain Hwang Jaehyuk. She hadn't been expecting a response from Jaehyuk's phone when she texted the number. She'd just seen his younger brother and the smoke billowing from the car—she hadn't been thinking.

It probably wasn't very cool of her to dismiss herself from the conversation so swiftly, but speaking to Intak… she closed her eyes, draped her arm over her eyes. If she closed her eyes and imagined, maybe Jaehyuk would give her a clue as to what he thought she should do. He really had spoken the world of Intak, but even he had managed to hide their friendship from him. Perhaps not out of not trusting Intak, but simply not trusting anyone. She'd been clinging to a cliff face when she'd finally told Jongseob and Soul. It wasn't like she could avoid it, anyway, since Jaehyuk came by the repair shop so often and the two kids worked there, too.

"Hey—" a poke in her arm. She lifted her arm from her face and saw Jongseob leaning over the back of the couch with a frown on his face. "—you okay, noona?"

She blinked, then craned her neck to see what Soul was doing. He was looking at her, too, awaiting her answer. Jongseob only called her noona when he was serious. She cleared her throat. "Yeah, just tired."

It was quiet for a beat. Jongseob poked her arm again.

She caved. "I texted Jae's number."

Jongseob and Soul exchanged glances. "Hwang Jaehyuk hyung? Yn, but he's—why?"

She couldn't meet either of their eyes, and she sat up, tucking her feet under her butt. "Mmh. I dunno. I was just leaving the parking lot to meet up with you guys when I saw the convertible out of the corner of my eye." She gestured vaguely with her hand, "There was steam coming out the hood again, and I just—I just pulled up his contact like normal. And his brother answered."

"His brother answered?" Jongseob leapt over the back of the couch to crash onto the cushion between Yn and Soul. His eyes were wide, a strange picture with his copper-bleached hair. "Does he know who you are?"

"He knows my name and that I knew Jae and helped him with the car, but that's it." She continued, "I just walked him through starting up the engine again; that's it. I promise."

Even Soul let out an exhale of relief. It wasn't that Jongseob and Soul hated Jaehyuk—it was more so their fear of what Jaehyuk had been: a resident of the Summit. And in this damned town… no one down in the hollows would be caught dead as a Summit Lover, and no one on the hill would be caught dead as a Hollows Sympathizer. That was just how it worked. One did not care about the other; the feeling was mutual. Jaehyuk had never cared that Yn was a poor gutter girl. All he'd cared about was that she was a good person who could fix his car. That, she was.

"I kind of miss the rich bastard," Jongseob murmured, gaze far off. Calling Jaehyuk a "rich bastard" was affectionate in Jongseob's book. Yn's closest friends were Jongseob and Soul, and she was happy they had warmed up to Jaehyuk—turned out, none of them were so different. But discrimination ran rampant in this town, and thus, their friendship and connection had to remain a secret.

Soul made a vague motion like he was nodding his head.

Yn swallowed. She glanced down at her phone and toyed with the case peeling away from itself. "Yeah... Yeah, I kind of miss him, too."

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#tranquil fic rec #group: p1harmony #member: intak #au: forbidden romance #genre: romance #genre: s2f2l

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quantumhyeop · 2 years ago

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ahh i missed your work a lot, so i’m glad i got the chance to read this one! as always, your vivid descriptions remain unmatched and even though it's bright as fuck outside, your words immerse me in the setting. you've definitely captured that eerie and otherworldly feeling of being awake past midnight.

this was inspired by a murakami novel? you've definitely piqued my interest, i have such mixed feelings about the two books i've finished from him (1Q84 and kafka on the shore) but uh i'd still like to check out at least one more of his works.

(also, reading the title of this fic alone unlocked a memory in me, i was at a bookstore browsing and saw the book convenience store woman by sayaka murata. my mom told me not to buy anything so i didn't get it unfortunately but hehe maybe now's the time to get a copy.)

anyways this review was long overdue—it's always a pleasure to read your writing!

SPENDING ETERNITY IN A JAPANESE CONVENIENCE STORE | p.js

STARRING: Jay x fem!reader

RUNTIME: 17.9k

SYNOPSIS: The world after midnight was a neon-lit fantasy for anyone who stayed up long enough to witness it. Taking the midnight shift at a convenience store widened your once mundane perspective of the metropolis, but it certainly didn’t prepare you for a cute boy that seemingly knew your name. Oh, and it definitely didn’t prepare you for a twist of fate in the form of an austere whodunnit.

GENRE: Mystery, magical realism, romance, comedy

WARNINGS: R15+ | Profanity | Mentions of the sex industry | Depictions of violence

DIRECTOR’S CUT: This is also a reupload and a completely refurbished version of the same fic back in @/dhoya. Read at your own discretion. Also, heavily inspired by Murakami's After Dark.

SOUNDTRACK: HERE.

There was a time between midnight and dawn that you decided to call “after dark.” To the naked eye, not a lot seemed to happen—midnight taxis carried drunken fools who couldn’t restrain themselves; an eerie, yet soothing ambiance managed to fill the air with the lingering lights of street lamps strewn across the pavement; the distant glow of convenience store signs that illuminated under the deep abyss of the night sky added to a picturesque vision of a starlit evening.

The times for “after dark” usually began at 2 A.M., when the headlights that zoomed past each intersection lessened. It was during these times where the eye would perform tricks and illustrate shadows that weren’t supposed to exist. Dust that danced with the soothing winds would often form figures under dim lights—perhaps mimicking remnants of bodies that passed by during the day. Ears would pick up clandestinely produced sounds that reverberated in the empty streets. Sometimes the cause of this strange occurrence was predictable—either a cat that tripped over a haphazardly full trash can, or maybe a group of rats that covertly scattered around the city’s large sewage system. Often more than not, footsteps that appeared out of nowhere and everywhere all at once would playfully fool one’s hearing when walking alone during the periods of “after dark.”

What signaled this inchoate part of the night was the burst of laughter that emerged from the izakaya down the street, somewhat adjacent to the branch of the convenience store you worked at. It was great for business, since the occasional purchase of cigarettes and condoms from the same customers who wasted away their money on overpriced cocktails raised your paycheck. Some of them would ask you to join them on their travels to lands of pleasure, but you politely declined each time. Money was tight as a college student, and time was also a currency in your agenda. Hours of debauchery were just too expensive for someone like you, although the idea itself piqued your interest.

In contrast to what most people would often infer, convenience stores were much more active in these hours than they are in the day. Travelers who stopped by to grab a cup of coffee were replaced with lovers of the night who wanted to practice safe sex. The same can be said for office workers that came and went during midday; your version of these people was in the form of shut-ins whose stock of potato chips disappeared with their will to contribute to modern capitalist society. Schoolgirls who occupied the seats behind the counter to gossip about whatever happened in some classroom turned into women of the night who took much-needed breaks from their line of work.

One of them would often engage in conversation with you—a woman by the name of “Angel Eyes.” She was a sweet girl that entered the districts of red lights too young and too soon. You didn’t really know how she got the name, since her eyes sparked the temptation of the devil more so than a holy, divine angel that fell from the sky. You would know she’d enter the convenience store by the timid clicks of her high heels and the feathery, off-white, and often blood-stained attire of a short mini dress and a decrepit puffer jacket—most likely the only one she could afford. Watching Angel Eyes enter the store would often be a hallmark of your day, just because there was so much weak-kneed apprehension in a woman that supposedly embodied what a femme fatale should be. Angel Eyes carried the demeanor of an abandoned mutt in the streets—startled, lost, and disillusioned by everything around her. You likened her to the tale of Laika the Space Dog, a being of innocence marred by desperation and survival. Lonely, wandering, wavering and irresolute. It was no wonder she would frequent the convenience store at this hour. Other than the fact that her line of work was nocturnal, she probably just needed companionship that didn’t rely on transactional value.

Nonetheless, she showed you kindness in the smallest ways. She was also great at making sure you didn’t feel too lonely behind the cash register, even if you didn’t mind the solitude that the job requires from you. She would often talk about her talent in hairdressing, a skill she picked up before she left her homeland. In her tiny little palms, she would give out crumpled coupons to a local, home-owned salon whenever she’d drop by. She even gave you discount codes, even if you were the one who could afford a haircut and a dye job at full price. Most of the time, you would think that she needed them more than you did, but she told you she was keeping every cent she made to send it all back to her family back home.

“You could change up your do once in a while,” She’d say in broken fractions of your native language while attempting to French braid your hair. Even though she wasn’t particularly good at the type of hair you had, it didn’t matter when she was trying her best.

Angel Eyes usually came in at 3 A.M. with a smile on her face. She used to just buy the cheapest brand of cigarettes and sit outside the automatic doors, but ever since she asked for your name, she began occupying the empty space next to the coffee machine. The first time she talked to you was when she got a massive black eye, with tears streaming down her face as she waved you off for your concern. You did the best you can at the time, though, and offered her cream-filled bread that you saved for yourself after your shift. Sometimes, you would even resort to petty theft, scavenging through the expired bin to find neatly-wrapped rice balls in all flavors. There was a certain angle at the store that wasn’t captured by the cameras strewn around by your store manager after countless shoplifting performed by either young hooligans who considered a crime as a rite of passage or homeless regulars in destitution that needed sustenance. Using your know-how around the store as an advantage, you would often traverse these angles with the skillfulness of a renowned spy, retrieving cups filled with crushed ice to give Angel Eyes coffee for free. In return, she would treat you with some of the drinks she’d stock in the small hidden pockets of her puffer jacket. This could range between lukewarm hot chocolate, corn soup, or an ice-cold can of pop that she managed to steal from the bar.

What followed was an extremely odd friendship that gave you an opening into a seemingly new world. Even though Angel Eyes lived in the same city as you, she gave you an image of a different reality from your usual patterns of midnight mundanity at the convenience store. It was quite strange to you, really, that such worlds could co-exist in one metropolitan area.

So when you checked the time on the cash register’s screen, you expected the automatic doors to reveal Angel Eyes in her dolled-up state. Instead, you got a lean, young man clad in a hoodie and some sweatpants. Within the distance at hand, you found his figure quite attractive. You couldn’t tell if you knew him, but there was a sense of familiarity in the way he looked. Something akin to deja vu plagued your memory as you quickly glanced at him, but you ignored the feeling. Sure, there was something special in the way he moved, but it wasn’t anything too mesmerizing. You’ve probably seen a few faces or two that somewhat resembled his back on campus.

It wasn’t like Angel Eyes had a specific routine. Her line of work was always unpredictable, and the only thing in her life that resembled a stable routine was her little meetings with you. The same could be said to some extent for you. There were the regulars from the izakaya, and then there were the rare events of mysterious men in suits who bought a pack of Camel Turkish Gold and left without a single word.

Assuming he was either a college student like you, or one of those shut-ins that frequented the store, you decided to continue on with your shift. Since he was the only customer around, you took your phone out and began to scroll through a book chapter you left off from one of your classes.

“Hey,” He said, confidently leaning his forearm into the counter. The English language reverberated in your ears, causing you to snap out of the cash register to pay a slight bit of attention to your newfound interlocutor. Looking up from your phone, you saw the young man up close. He had sharp eyes that were permanently furrowed with his thick brows, and an angular face that closely resembled a triangle.

“I think I’ve seen you somewhere before,” He continued in English, fiddling with the zippers of his leather jacket as he flashed you a smirk. One of those guys, I suppose.

At this hour, it was a common occurrence for you to get customers like him. Bored college students who have nothing else to do save for a trip to the convenience store. Some of them were from the same university as you, but the thing about working a late-night shift was the quasi-anonymity of it all. By the next day, when you would bump into one of them, there was a mutual sense of respect and secrecy surrounding the whole event—almost like a forbidden rendezvous that ceased to exist once the sun rose. There was no interest on your part; you just wanted a little bit of disposable income. Persistence was a battle that required some restraint, but you were used to it by the third or fourth night.

“Sir, if you’re not gonna buy anything, then I suggest you leave. You’re causing trouble.”

This was the common line you would utter, but if things were to escalate even further—say, a drunken young adult who lost all their balance and composure threatened to strangle you from your counter—you had a safety net. The police station was adjacent to the store, and it only took you about five or six minutes to arrive and file a report. Furthermore, you secretly had your phone with you at all times, allowing you to speed dial 119 whenever you saw fit.

You kept your grip tight on your phone, eyeing the man with squinted lids. He didn’t seem drunk, nor did he reek of alcohol. The scent of his cologne exploded once you tried to lean forward to capture more details about his current situation. You couldn’t tell what it was from the notes that your nose captured, but your nose was never even that good, to begin with. All you knew was that it was strong, causing you to step back and cover your nose in the work handkerchief you’d keep below the cash register. The man looked offended at your reaction, prompting him to sniff the hides of his leather jacket and the white shirt he wore underneath.

“Are you a foreigner?” You asked, using the same tongue that he did. The man didn’t look like someone from abroad. Maybe he was an exchange student or an expat’s son. They were always the type to flaunt their linguistic skills even when nobody asked them to. By the looks of his branded attire, he pretty much exuded the image you had of someone who grew up elsewhere. One who had enough money to study in America or Europe, spending day and night under the flashing strobe lights of raves and party drugs.

“No, but I’ve been studying here for three years,” He replied. “I’m from Korea, but I wanted to go to university in Japan because I like anime.”

“One of those, I see.”

“What does that mean?” He asked, furrowing his brows even further. You kept your eyes on your phone and contemplated dialing 119 to kick him out of the store. The last thing you wanted was to engage in a conversation with a weeaboo.

“What’s your name?” He asked, returning to the initial reason he came to the store. Before you could ask him to buy something or leave, he rushed to the large glass coolers and came back through the snack isle, a couple of items in his hands ready to be scanned.

“It’s in the name tag, so yeah.” You said, taking his impulse purchases. Two cans of Red Bull with a side of a large bag of salted potato chips—the typical diet of a college student.

“Your brother tutored me for calculus, by the way,” He said, tilting his head to examine your features. You returned the sentiment with confusion. Your brother taught many people on the side, and you weren’t interested in him enough to ask about his students. Sometimes, you would get odd stories here and there of the oddballs he’d encounter, but names were never uttered. Becoming a tutor didn’t necessarily require client confidentiality, but your brother was too kind for his own good. Instead of referring to his students by name in his conversations with you, he would just call them this student or that kid the other day, making it rather difficult for you to track who he was talking about. He could’ve been talking about Jay, but you digress. Jay looked too mundane to be the type of person that would gulp down an entire bottle of honey in his bag if he couldn’t solve a problem correctly.

Jay rested his elbow on the counter, taking an airpod out of his ear. It surprised you that his hearing was still pristine, since the music he listened to bled out of his earphones in a way that competed with the ambient, corporate tunes that your store would play. You absent-mindedly nodded as you continued to let the beeps from your scanner reverberate throughout the empty store, often timing it to the rhythm of the song he was listening to.

“I go by Jay, but the legal papers say Park Jongseong.”

Replying with another silent nod, you bagged his purchase in plastic.

“Your brother told me you major in history,”

This time, you raised your head, giving him what he bought. You knitted your brows in annoyance—not to him, but towards your brother. What happened to the self-inflicted client confidentiality that protected his students? Why were you subject to ridicule and a breach of personal information while his students didn’t have to suffer through the second-hand embarrassment that went alongside brotherly conflict? Sure, you weren’t the type to stalk his students on the internet, but it would’ve been easier to have a name and a face associated with, say, Mr. Honey Addict or Ms. Tiara.

Your brother cares a lot about you, and you know that, but there were just instances of disappointment when he’d get an essential part of your life wrong. He often forgot your birthday, leading to his work colleagues and classmates greeting you on social media on the wrong date. One time, he proudly bragged about your achievements in high school as a young photographer, only to have several of his friends show up at an empty exhibit. Firstly, you didn’t say you were contributing. You were just assisting the photography club by acting as a fixer, obtaining legal permits for locations that required it and securing a small gallery that was within their budget. Second, his friends were fed the wrong address and ended up causing a scene with the security guards stationed outside the gate of your school, demanding to be let in because they knew you. While it was all resolved in a hitch, you gave your brother the silent treatment for two weeks.

Now, he was giving out wrong information to the students he tutors. Even if history had been your strong suit since middle school, it was difficult to pinpoint the geography and time period. If Jay had suddenly asked you to give him assistance on something as old as the Neolithic period, you were sure to call your brother on the spot and blast him for his forgetfulness. At that point, it didn’t matter to you that the cameras would reflect you using your phone. Telling your brother off was worth getting scolded by your manager.

His fingers grazed over yours as he took his purchase, sliding the plastic bag into his backpack with ease. You tiptoed from the counter and tried to get a glimpse of what was inside his bag—and sure enough, you found three empty bottles of honey, each with a different brand. A huge, beaming grin was etched on your face, and you covertly took your phone out to snap a picture of your new encounter. After sending the photo to your brother, you quickly tucked your phone in your pocket, clearing your throat as he finished adjusting the items in his backpack.

“Not really, but it’s a prereq to my course. What about it?” You asked. Jay slowly nodded his head to absorb the information you gave him, trying his best to hide the dejection and sense of betrayal on his face.

“Are you any good at it?” He replied, a sense of desperation in his tone.

Before you could respond, your phone buzzed, alerting you in the process. A scowl formed on your face as you ignored the useless update notification.

Where is Angel Eyes?

“Hello? Are you there?” He asked, waving his hands across your face. “You alright? Did I piss you off? That’s sort of reserved for when I’d get an equation wrong on purpose, but anyways, you good?”

You blinked in quick succession, muttering a small apology for your sudden fugue state.

“Y-yeah, I’m alright. I got an A+ last semester, so I’d say I’m good at the subject,” You promptly replied, regaining your composure. Your eyes shifted between Jay and the digital numbers that represented time on your cash register.

3:08 A.M., and no sign of Angel Eyes.

There were certain circumstances where she’d be late in your daily encounters with her, but she’d notify you beforehand with a text or a quick call. A sigh escaped your lips as you reminded yourself that only eight minutes had passed. Surely, she’ll come around later—a busy day, perhaps.

“When does your shift end?” He asked, opening the can of Red Bull and gulping a concerning amount. It wasn’t your place to lecture him on caffeine intake, since you dabbled in outrageous shots of coffee. What was within the vicinity of your authority at the store, though, was telling him to leave. He already bought what he needed from the store. What more could he want?

“I came in at 9:30 today, so I’m ending in about thirty,” You absent-mindedly replied, keeping your focus on the automatic doors of the convenience stores. Even if you were aware of the sensors capturing strong gusts of wind, it still reignited the hope within you that your nightly companion was unharmed.

“Oh, I see,” He said with a sigh. He took his backpack and occupied the empty seats behind the counter. As he continued sipping on his energy drink, he opened his laptop and perched it on the wooden surface. The urge to kick him out of the store completely was there, but it wasn’t like he was doing anything against the law. There were designated spaces for workers and students alike to plug their laptops and get some work done, so it didn’t warrant a phone call to the police or your disdain.

“I’m kinda stuck on a test I’m having next week, but history’s an elective for me, so I never really paid attention in class,” He explained, using his nimble fingers to quickly scroll through a dense document on his screen. You kept up the pattern of locking and unlocking your phone within intervals of a few seconds, each passage of time raising your heart levels. Your gut raised alarms in your head, but you tried to suppress them.

“What’s it about?” You asked, keeping your attention on your phone instead of his laptop. You stepped out of your counter and leaned beside the coffee machine, arms crossed as you continued to huff out a string of sighs. He turned his chair towards you and transferred his laptop to his thighs.

“World War 2. Cliche, I know.”

A long, drawn-out hum and a nod escaped your lips as you processed his statement. Controlling the urge to roll your eyes, you jogged to the backroom to fetch your own backpack. With a shift occupying what would’ve been your sleep schedule, you had to fit schoolwork somewhere in between. Plus, maybe this would distract you from Angel Eyes for a little. Her line of work may be dangerous, but this wasn’t completely out of the line. Maybe she was caught up with a rich, tenacious customer that she couldn’t escape.

As you rushed out of the backroom, you tripped your toe on the small, silver ramp that separate the staff area from the main counter. A string of laughs entered the silent atmosphere of the convenience store, coupled with a sudden redness on your cheeks.

“I know I just met you, but I’m sorry I’m too hot, I guess,” He said, leaning his body on the chair the way a model would.

You rolled your eyes right in his direction, slinging the fallen backpack on your shoulders. You checked your elbows to see if there were any bruises or scars that needed treatment. The perk of working at a convenience store was knowing you had access to everything at the tip of your fingers. That’s why they were called convenient, after all.

“One more strike, and I’m not helping you with your history test,” You snapped, taking your laptop out. You began to look for the notes you wrote last year—coincidentally matching his upcoming test’s topic.

“You will help me, though, because I’ll tell your brother that you’re being mean,” He replied, taking his phone out and hovering your brother’s contact information to your face. To drive his point home, he faked a cry, balling his hands into fists and wiping invisible tears off of his cheeks. Scoffing in response, you suppressed your natural habit of exclaiming in joy whenever you found something you were looking for. This was especially valid for your poor laptop, since you never cared for organization. Your desktop was filled to the brim with Word documents dating back to high school, none of them secured in respective folders. For this reason, you often relied on the search function.

“Sure, tell him, because I’ll tell him you’re flirting. Then we’ll see who the loser is.”

Your brother being nosy was one thing; overprotectiveness was pretty much his love language. When you turned into an adult, your parents stopped giving you strict curfews. Once you moved out, they would ask for your location or text you here and then, but they never berated you for being out too long. In fact, your gig at the convenience store was met with encouragement and praise for the fact that you were earning income. Your brother was the only one who opposed the job, throwing a panicked fit when he first found out about it.

“It’s already bad enough that you got a job at such a late shift, but seriously? Kabuki-cho? Do you even know how dangerous that area is?! The Yakuza’s base is basically there, and who knows? You might be trafficked?! Are you sure you’re gonna be okay?”

It took a while for you to convince him, giving him hour-long lectures on how working near the red-light district wouldn’t result in you succumbing to prostitution. Even then, there was nothing wrong with the trade so long as it wasn’t forced and safe—at least that was the opinion you stood by. Though your brother still had his reservations about the location of your job, you always made to send updates or tell him stories about Angel Eyes to reduce the stigma he had around the area.

“Wow, if you really find me that hot, you should’ve just told me. Then, I wouldn’t have to ask your brother about you or stalk you on Instagram,” He said, prompting you to hit his arm with your backpack.

Having midnight shifts gave you access to a range of people, which in turn developed your radar for sleazy men. Jay was out of the list for sure, delving into his little category of “handsome as fuck but kind of annoying.” He was quite fun within his own rights, though, and your night began to take an interesting turn despite Angel Eyes’ absence in the store.

“Wow, obsessed much?” You rested your elbows on the rest counter, cocking an eyebrow at him. You had your backpack resting heavily on your lap, ready to be equipped as a weapon at any given moment. Jay raised his hands in surrender, diverting his attention back to his laptop.

“Nah, but really. This history test was a cover-up. I just wanted to get to know you since you’re apparently an amazing sniper at Warzone. My squad’s getting rusty, and I need a new recruit,” He explained. Nodding slowly, you placed your laptop back in your bag. You quickly checked the time etched above the taskbar and eased your breathing.

3:21 A.M. and still no sign of Angel Eyes.

“What do you main?” You asked. You crossed your legs and folded your arms together. Keeping your phone in your pocket, you stayed alert for any future buzzes. Jay rested his arms on the counter, lazily trudging his feet on the floor you mopped a few hours ago.

“I rush a lot. I’m pretty good, you know?” He replied, taking his phone out and showing you his stats.

“Hmm, not bad. I don’t have a rusher on my squad, so I guess we could link up.”

Unmuting your phone, you began to type out his handle and sent him a friend request. Another wide smile was etched on his lips, and you took the time to stare at his features under the fluorescent white lights.

It almost became your pattern of the night to constantly glance at your phone, heart heaving at the lack of anything from Angel Eyes. You would call her, but her line of work wouldn’t allow it. It was a long string of trouble on your end, and now that Jay was here, you wouldn’t want him to be involved in any way at all.

It wasn’t like you were ashamed of your friendship with her—it was quite the opposite. If you had the talent to write a book, you’d wholeheartedly decide to craft the main character around someone as tragic but charismatic as her. Your concern with Jay came in the form of his mischievous nature. A few conversations with Jay were quite enough for you to determine his character—endlessly curious, probably a daredevil, and most likely a wolf in sheep’s clothing. It was just too dangerous for him to gain knowledge of the world beneath the city in any way.

By the looks of it, you also assumed he was someone who couldn’t keep a secret.

“Jokes on him, because I was his best student. I just got the questions wrong to help him with his paycheck. I’m so nice, right?”

“I extend my prayers to my dear brother, who had to grace his lovely presence to the morbid demon that is Jay.” You said. You put your hands together, mimicking what you saw in the chapels. Pretending to splash holy water on him, he went along with your little play and gave out a shrill shriek.

“Out demon, out! I shall banish thee from the face of the earth and send you back to hell!” You shrieked, continuing to flick your wrist while holding an invisible bible in your other free hand. He waved his arms around and threw the large bag of potato chips toward you. The contact made you flinch, raising your arms on guard a tad bit too late. The only thing you could do to secure your victory was threaten to open the bag and eat everything in one go—which surprisingly worked. Jay got up at yanked the bag off your hands, cuddling the plastic bag like precious cargo.

An uproar of laughter formed a jazz ensemble in the air, occasionally off-beat, but consistently melodic. You caught your breath a lot quicker than him, clenching your stomach from the sudden pang of pain that unnaturally stretched your diaphragm. As he continued to laugh, you listened in on the musical qualities of his tone. The warmth in each hiccup gave you a small feeling of comfort as you took your mind off of Angel Eyes for a little while.

In truth, you have met Jay somewhere. You couldn’t remember if it was a large house party or a freshmen cotillion, but the realization hit you like a truck as you began to familiarize your eyes with his presence. In your memory, he was wearing a suit—so it was probably the cotillion. He didn’t attend the same university as you, but he was your brother’s junior—which meant you shared sister schools. You were drunk enough to forget his name, but conscious enough to remember what he looked like.

Now that you thought about it, a similar event such as the one you’re currently having with him unfolded in that very cotillion. Parallelism worked in wondrous ways, and you finally remembered integral pieces to the incomplete, hazy puzzle of the encounter. From the hazy cores of your memories, he threw fallen confetti at you as he screamed gibberish notions of Latin to your face. Judging by the slurs in his impromptu monologue, he was probably—most likely—heavily intoxicated. You couldn’t tell if you either played along or angrily threw confetti back at him, but the scenario was all the same.

“Huh, cute.”

“I know I am.”

Your pupils quickly widened as you snapped back into the tangible world. He currently rested his head on his palm, a shimmer in his irises formulating alongside the slight flicker of the fluorescent lights above.

A dilemma suddenly struck you as you allowed yourself to look at the time etched on your phone once more—should you tell him? There was certainly no harm in doing so, but your qualm was when. This key event would potentially turn him into a friend or something more, but the right timing was necessary. Little did he know, you enjoyed your fair share of fun, too. Hypothetically, considering this encounter and the drunken blurbs of demonic sacrifice on the balcony of a hotel, you ranked lower than him in levels of mischief.

However, that didn’t warrant you from getting back at him. After all, a good joke required the unexpected—and what better timing to tell him about your past, intoxicated meeting than right at the moment before you two part ways?

“Your boyfriend probably won’t smile like you right now if he knew you called me cute.” He started, burrowing his knuckles on his cheek. A tinge of pride was present in his speech, with a lax attitude to match.

“Boyfriend? Buddy, I’ve been single since last year,” You replied, a wave of genuine confusion entering your headspace. You titled your head to his statement, and his eyes apologetically widened.

“Oh really? I thought you kept looking at your phone because of your boyfriend or something, but I guess I was wrong,” He said, averting his gaze from you. “What’s up? Do you wanna talk about it?”

Something caught your throat, almost choking it until you run out of air. Droplets of sweat began to form right below your eyebrows. Before you opened your mouth, the automated doors breathed a low hum, letting in a cool swish of the midnight air. You jerked your head towards the glass doors, only to have your heart sink. It was your co-worker, who desperately tried to avoid eye contact with you upon seeing Jay. You were about to ask him why he was here until your eyes went to your phone.

3:30 A.M., and definitely no signs of Angel Eyes at all.

Quickly ripping your backpack open, you excused yourself from Jay, darting to the bathroom to change into your regular clothes. Before you began your Olympic-level sprint, you grabbed your phone and rushed into the small, plastic door right beside the magazine corner.

Once you locked the door, you hastily stripped your uniform off. Clad in nothing but your bra, you began to speed dial Angel Eyes’ real phone number. This was definitely a risk on your end, since she was probably working at the moment.

An unwritten rule among the folks at the red light district was to separate your identity from your work persona. This included phone numbers. God knows what would happen if someone like her had her entire identity revealed in that world—it was already bad enough that she was branded as a commodity rather than a free individual.

Her dangerous situation was made clear when mentions of her real name were avoided at all costs in your conversations with her. You knew she was from a foreign country by the strong accent in the way she spoke your native tongue, but nothing outside of what escaped her lips described her true self. Given that level of secrecy, a single slip would gravely worsen her security at the prospect of underground mobs targeting anyone in her circle of familiarity. This would include you, but at this point, you just wanted to know if she was alive.

You called her three times now, and every single attempt ended in a robotic female voice that reminded you of your futility.

“Goddamnit!” You yelled, hitting the ceramic sink in annoyance. The stinging pain that spread from the palms of your hand to the rest of your body didn��t matter anymore. You couldn’t even feel the static numbness that reverberated on impact when all you could think of was the safety of your late-night friend. It took every fiber in your body to prevent throwing your phone on the ground. Without it, you were nothing in every way. A smartphone was an essential item in modern everyday society, but at this moment, its main role was to act as your only key to Angel Eyes.

There were times when she’d show up with bruises, cuts, and, at worst, moderately severe physical trauma. It wasn’t in your place to avenge her, but it was getting harder and harder to control yourself when each injury was covered up with her chatty, beautiful smile.

Here’s the difference, though. She’d show up. Ever since your first meeting with her, she’s never failed to meet you during your shifts. Hell, you’d even spare some time to walk around with her in the vicinity of the convenience store before she had to revert to her worrisome work ethic. So for her to go off the grid for one night in the past year of a consistent rendezvous with you made your heart rate go insane.

This was probably your ninth time trying to call her, and it always ended the same way.

“Sorry, we couldn’t answer your call.”

A flurry of knocks simultaneously lined up with your loud curses.

“Are you alright?”

Quickly shouting back a typical response, you hastily threw on a crewneck sweater through your head. Being good at history had its perks. For instance, memorizing dates and their linear significance to a string of events was as easy as the alphabet for you. Unfortunately, this came with a cost. While you were great at facts, you were definitely terrible at fiction.

Ergo, you were a terrible liar. Even worse when you’re under pressure.

This meant one, single thing—you had to tell Jay. Your sudden lack of confidence and incoherent stutters would just give it all away. Taking a deep breath, you felt for the cool handles of the metal doorknob. You slung your backpack onto your shoulder, using your free hand to grip the straps tight.

“He-“

“I was gonna call your brother to call you! Jesus, you gave me a heart attack!”

You beckoned for him to follow you out of the automated doors. Before you left, you gave your co-worker a quick wave, wishing him good luck in the following hours. He returned the gesture with a curt nod, only to avert his eyes back to the cash register.

The skies were still black, giving a form of pathetic fallacy to the dire situation you pictured Angel Eyes in. The lack of bustling laughter from the izakaya next door also added to the abnormality that your gut feeling pointed to. Street lights flickered back and forth—a clear anomaly in your usual experiences with the now desolate pavement.

You shivered at the light touches of cool wind on your neck. The weather forecast on the news this morning told you the temperature was going to drop, but you didn’t know the severity of it. Your heightened senses also worsened your bout with the cold, and you slipped your arms inside your sweater. Jay stood in front of you, leaning on the wall right next to the smoking area. His eyes looked around the night sky, and his hands were fully submerged in his hoodie’s pocket.

“I know this is going to sound crazy, but we might go to jail after this. Remember, you can back out at any time. This is my issue, and I’m gonna deal with it.”

Before Jay was able to respond, your phone’s ringtone jarringly disrupted the dead silence of the empty metropolis.

“Hello?”

You picked up the phone, assuming it was Angel Eyes, but the voice didn’t match at all. What you got instead was a flamboyant, male voice that was crying in distress. Now that Jay was about to know the situation you were in, you put the call on speaker.

It was difficult to decipher the caller’s qualms based on their tear-filled response. The thick, baritone stutters that plagued any forms of speech in the voice that spoke your native tongue didn’t help your case either, but the mention of your dear friend was enough for you to try your best.

“You’re Angel Eyes’ friend, aren’t you? The one from the convenience store?”

Judging by the anguish in the caller’s voice, you branded them as someone you could talk to. Switching into a slower, gentler dictation, you began to break away from the English language.

“Did anything happen to Angel Eyes?”

Jay tilted his head in confusion, eyeing you with an equal amount of bewilderment. You couldn’t tell if he understood you or not—but nonetheless, you raised your palm at him, focusing on the cries at the other end of the line.

“Sh-she”

“She?”

You heard someone else jerk the phone away from the current caller, and now you were faced with the sultry, yet reassuring, voice of a female correspondent.

“Hello? This is Angel Eyes’ friend at the convenience store, right?”

Both of you were now on edge, leaning closer to the phone.

“Yes, I am. Did anything happen to her?”

A sigh was heard from your current caller—something that raised your heart levels once more.

“Unfortunately, yes. She’s still alive, but she’s beaten up quite badly. We don’t know who her perpetrator is, so we’re guessing you could come over to get her to spit it out. She told us she only wanted to talk to you about this, so yeah. Sorry for involving you like this, but we really need it. The last thing we want is another round of gang wars in the district.”

As you inhaled, you held your hand up to Jay once more. You mouthed “later” to him, something he hesitantly took.

“Alright, is it the usual location?”

The other end of the line went silent, but the cacophony of chaos in the background gave you some sense of security that she was still on the call.

“Tell you what, I’ll meet you at the entrance to the club she works at, and I’ll take you to where we are now. It’s a short walk from where you are right now, assuming you’re still at the convenience store. No pressure on you, but please make it quick, yeah?”

There was an oxymoronic mood in her voice, as if she knew that she was doing the exact opposite to you. As the call ended, you took Jay’s hand, guiding him to the route into the city’s red-light district. Your tugs were met with a firm stance, though. His feet were glued still on the concrete pavement, eyes wide in a state of shell shock.

“What the hell is going on? Angel Eyes? A potential gang war? Club? Don’t tell me-“

There was a sudden shock in your eyes as you reevaluated your initial underestimation of his language comprehension abilities. Giving his shoulder a light slap, you began to loosen your grip on his wrist.

“I am not a sex worker, Jay. My friend, Angel Eyes is. She works at the club down Kabukicho.”

Completely letting go of his hand, you ruffled your hair in frustration.

“Something happened to her, and I need to see if she’s okay. If you don’t want to come, that’s understandable. But you have to make it quick, because I don’t have a lot of time right now.”

Your impatience wasn’t helping you in any way, and your feet began to move on their own.

“Wait for me!”

Jay jerked your shoulder towards him. Normally, this type of behavior would anger you to no end, but the only thing in your head right now was the safety of your friend.

“Will this affect my student visa?”

“Jay, I’ll cover for you if anything happens. Trust me.”

You didn’t know how you were going to do that, but your brain was too focused on the situation at hand. In addition, your aforementioned lack of skills when it came to lying definitely won’t help him once the police were involved—but your main priority right now was getting to where Angel Eyes was as fast as you can. If this meant dragging Jay along, you had no choice.

Giving his shoulder a light pat, you beckoned for him to come right next to you. He returned the gesture with a small smile, then hid his hands inside his hoodie’s pocket.

The route to the red light district was something you came to memorize through your occasional walks with Angel Eyes. Distance-wise, it was a five to seven-minute walk. It usually took a bit longer when you walked with her because her stories would take up extra time—of course, this was something you didn’t mind at all.

You’d know you were getting there once you turned right to a specific corner—which consisted of an almost magical, soft glow from the lanterns of an izakaya. The place was called “kokorozashi no fue,” and to your friend’s knowledge, it served the best chicken skewers.

You made a promise to go with her one day.

Since she’d work upwards until sunrise, her breaks were at most an hour long. Usually, the time when she’d have to go back aligned with the end of your shift, so you had a slither of time to enable walking alongside her into her little world of neon lights. Conveniently, the station was also right next to the end of the district, which gave you an excuse to stay by Angel Eyes’ side in these small ventures.

You experienced the same twists and turned to the place, but now, your companion was different.

Jay looked around, keeping his eyes busy with the closed shops. To ease your mind, you decided to engage in some small talk. It wasn’t to say you replaced Angel Eyes with him, but it was a nice way to take you off of the endless labyrinth of undesired scenarios that plagued your head.

“So, why did you choose Japan?”

A small hum was the only sound that was present in the barren roads.

“I don’t know. I really like anime and games. Plus, I also learned Japanese for the benefits of zero subtitles and a friend, so I wanted to see how good I was at it.”

“Wanna test it out?”

You now reached the exact corner that held a large, white lantern up high. Waves of relief spread across your body as your eyes began to see the Kanji characters of the izakaya.

“Koko no yakitori wa sugoku umai yo.” You said, as you pointed to the lantern right in front of you.

The casual switch from English to Japanese was natural to you, since you were raised to speak both. Although, at times, it can definitely be a handful. Some words in Japanese, such as idioms, didn’t translate well in English, and the same can be applied vice versa. Sarcasm never works in Japanese.

Jay pursed his lips in response, playing with stray hair strands that covered his forehead.

“Sounanda. Jyaa, kondo isshoni tabeyouyo.”

You gave him a small round of applause, something he returned with a dramatic forty-five-degree bow.

“Bravo, dude. You have an accent, but the grammar’s on point.”

Pretending to throw a rose at him, he caught the invisible flower mid-air.

“Thanks, man. My friend told me the exact same thing.”

A light chuckle managed to squeeze its way out of your mouth. Turning right from the lantern’s position, you now entered the world that never sleeps.

Perhaps this was why you coined the term “after dark.” Nocturnals such as yourself were an anomaly in the human population, but the citizens of the red light district were truly ghosts in a world of daytime activities. They were the ones that lurked around when the sun was up, hiding inside the basements of clubs and other licentious establishments. Once it was time for the moon to shine, these creatures of the night revealed themselves in tight, shiny dresses.

“How about you? How many languages can you speak?”

You hummed the tune of a song that played at the convenience store. The bright, pink lights of massage parlors and soap houses began to come to view, giving you an outlandish wave of relief. You considered yourself a daytime creature despite your ungodly hours at the convenience store, so normally, things like this shouldn’t excite you.

“If we’re talking about fluency, I’d say Japanese and English. In general, though, I’m adding French and Spanish to the list. My reading is better than speaking for both, but my Spanish is a lot worse than my French."

Jay’s eyes beamed under the neon signs that sometimes hurt your eyes if you stared too long. Billboards that advertised host clubs popped up, and you knew you were close by.

“Hey, that’s pretty cool! I learned Spanish for the grades, but even then, I suck absolute balls at it.”

“Same, same. Whoever told me Spanish was easy can go eat a fat dick.”

The buzzing of your phone was met with an all too familiar sign perched on the side of a road. Black marble walls came to view, with the golden glow of the words “New Grand” lighting up the alleyway it was in. The orange lights behind the tinted glass doors of the building were obscured by a tall, feminine figure.

“Name and purpose, please?” She asked strongly, towering over your frame with crossed arms. You showed the woman the message on your phone with a profuse flurry of nods.

She was built like a supermodel, with long legs revealing themselves under the slits of her skin-tight dress. The silver sequins that traced her chest shimmered like a disco ball. Her exposed décolletage was almost skeletal, with collarbones protruding out of her vital skin. Despite her figure, her face had some masculine qualities to it. For instance, her cheekbones were quite high, giving her a squared jawline. She eyed Jay with caution, checking him from head to toe.

“Angel Eyes said you’d come alone.” She warned. She held her phone like how one would hold a cigarette, suspended in mid-air with a flair of lax grandeur.

“Well, he can probably wait outside while I talk to her or something,” You hastily replied. A sly smirk slowly revealed itself on her lips. She beckoned for you two to follow her, demonstrating an industry-professional catwalk as she swayed her hips to the beat of her quick strides.

“I saw her shivering around a pile of broken glass when I checked up on the club. I work at the gay bar right in front of this one, so naturally, I’d be concerned for my girls when a fucking sofa flew out of the eighth floor right there.” She explained, once she knew that Jay was a man to be trusted. She used the tip of her phone to point up at the skyscraper. Sure enough, the pristine rows of tinted windows were disrupted by the jagged patterns of pointy, broken glass in the middle. You visibly traced the hypothetical trajectory of the chair had you seen it fly out the window. Jay did the same.

“That’s a pretty big fall for the chair.” He muttered. The shift in language from the English sentences he spoke with you a few moments back abruptly set you on edge. Circling the empty space that would’ve been where the chair fell, he gave you a puzzled look.

“Well, aren’t you a smart cookie,” She teased, crouching down to pinch Jay’s cheeks.

There was a condescending tone in her voice, but it was something you understood. Men in her world—regardless of age—weren’t men anymore. They were a product of violence and pure lust—a primitive afterimage inside the husk of human male bodies. The stories you’d often hear from Angel Eyes were enough confirmation for you to realize the animalistic tendencies of the opposite sex. It also allowed you to draw a fine line between those you considered men and those you categorized as anomalies to the linear progression of evolutionary theory. Jay was on the list of normal men, alongside your brother and those you called “friends” within your regular circle.

“Thanks, miss,” Jay replied, returning her subtle disdain with equally subtle notes of sarcasm. The woman cackled and lightly slapped his shoulder.

“You know, you’re funny. Your girlfriend here should be lucky that you can take a joke well.” She turned her head towards you, giving you a wink. Jay gave you a nudge with his elbow, followed by the suddenness of his arm over your shoulder.

“Yeah, you should be lucky that I, your wonderful boyfriend, gives you an endless supply of S-tier jokes for free.”

A sigh of frustration filled the air as you rolled your eyes until they began to hurt. He continued to wiggle his eyebrows at you, maintaining his solid hold on your shoulders.

“I kid, I kid. I know what a relationship looks like, but Angel would probably feel better if you told her you found some love.” She explained, softening her gaze as she gave the two of you a flurry of affectionate head pats. “The industry can be tough, you know? Some cheesy story about how you two met or something would probably brighten her up a little.”

The three of you stopped in front of a brick-lined building. There were two open stairways—one that led up and the other that led to the basement. In the middle of it all was a small, cube-shaped sign that had “Artsy Fartsy” written in both English and Katakana. The front of the cube was hot pink, but as you scanned its angles, you began to realize that each side held a different set of vibrant colors. She beckoned for you two to follow her downstairs.

“Hey, you alright?” He asked in English. Smooth pats were laid out on your shoulder, and you tried to match your breathing with the rhythms of his fingertips.

“Yeah. I’m just nervous. I don’t know what to expect from Angel Eyes, and I don’t think I can handle what I might hear.”

Using his thumb, he gently massaged your bicep.

“Dude, if it makes you feel better, I’m hella nervous too. It’s my first time coming this close to a place like this, and student visa aside, I can’t begin to imagine what sort of crazy shit will unfold once we hear her story.”

A burst of awkward laughter made its way out of your mouth. He slinked his hand right into yours, interlocking your fingers with his in the process. Giving the fat in your palm a light squeeze, he began to sway them with his stride softly.

“We can do this, alright? You can do this, girlfriend.”

“Yes, yes I can. We can.”

Looking back one more time to the distant image of the darkness up above, you imprinted the remnants of an outside world as you diverted your attention back to the large, brass door in front of the three of you. It wasn’t like you were going to die today, but it was a minuscule possibility. Anything can happen within the fences of the soaplands. Plus, the fact that they were mostly run by the Yakuza gave you an equal amount of lingering fear.

“Can he understand Japanese well?” The woman asked you.

“Yes, he can.”

“Alright, this is some advice for the little boy, but with looks like that, you’d want to stick to this narrative. The girls mean well, but sometimes they can be too much. Relationships are a huge turnoff for a good bulk of them, so you should be fine if you could keep it up.”

Her tone towards him was softer now, and each syllable was slightly drawn out to clearly enunciate every word that came out of her mouth. She leaned in close to Jay and you, and whispered in a hushed tone.

“It’s an added bonus too if you’re in a straight relationship.”

Before she turned the golden handles, she gave you an affirmative side hug. A motherly smile formed on her lips, her eyes almost too fragile.

“Thanks for doing this, really. It’s a sad reality that not many care about people like us, so your help means a lot. This goes to your “boyfriend,” too. You look like you don’t have a single connection to Angel Eyes, but your moral support is enough.”

“No problem, ma’am.” He replied, hands still on yours.

The other side of the brass door revealed what one might expect from a bar in a modern red-light district. LED lights of mostly a cold hue filled the spacious room, putting into picture the eternal night that folks like Angel Eyes experienced.

Your eyes quickly scanned the entire room, but there was no sign of your friend.

Panic overwhelmed you in a millisecond. Was this a trap? Is this your final moment before being sold off to a human trafficking or prostitution ring? Were you and Jay under the hands of the Yakuza? Is this the last time you’ll live your mundanity as a college kid? What will happen to Jay? Will he get sold off because he was a foreigner? You just met him, and the last thing you wanted was for him to enter a world of debauchery because you were too head-strong for your own good. How about you? Will you live the same life as Angel Eyes from now on?

His grip on your hand strengthened, with an equal amount of sweat pouring out of his palms. There was a visible shake in his eyes as his pupils widened under the flashes of purple lights.

The woman who guided you to this very bar flicked a nearby switch, turning the darkness down with the dim glow of a chandelier you just noticed.

The place itself, without the strobe lights, looked cozy enough to replicate a coffee shop’s atmosphere. Velvet seats were propped in front of lacquered tables that reflected the chandelier’s crystalline structure. A bar counter was around the corner, with soft, cushioned stools of maroon aligning itself with the length of the counter. Rows of bottled alcoholic beverages were neatly arranged behind the bartender, who was wiping a wine glass. Some bottles held a classic shape, while others were decoratively sculpted. Among these, the skull-shaped bottle on the rightmost part of the shelf caught your eye. Unlike the other bottles next to it, its surface looked like it was made of black ceramic. Its eyes were painted like a Mexican Day of the Dead mask, implying that its contents were of Spanish or Latin American origin. Tequila perhaps?

The bartender raised his head up, breaking the glass he wiped.

“Mama! I was so worried for you! You took a lot longer than I expected you to!”

You recognized his voice as the jovial and incredibly dramatic male from your call a while ago. The way he dressed, coupled with the heavy makeup on his face, implied that he was an okama, but you didn’t pry too much on other people’s sexualities.

He quickly wiped the mess he made, engulfing your impromptu guide into the world of soaplands in a large hug.

“Hey, Takeshi, let me go! This dress was expensive, you know!”

She gave the man light slaps on his forearm, and he eventually freed her with a giggle. He turned his attention to you and Jay, eyes lingering longer on the latter.

“Oh my god! You’re the darling girl that Angel Eyes won’t shut up about, right?”

He gave out a shrill, girly shriek before subjecting you to the same treatment he gave his Mama. Twirling you around in a tight embrace, he jumped back and forth in excitement. In your little spins, you got a flash of Jay exploding in laughter alongside Mama.

“And who is this handsome young man?”

A tinge of flirtation was present in his voice once he let go of you. It was your turn to hold in your laughter, biting your thumb a bit too hard as you held your stomach.

“Takeshi, he’s off-limits. He’s straight, and he’s dating that girl over there.”

“Aww, that’s too bad! Hearing Angel Eyes talk made me believe she was her girlfriend or something. But can I please have a little fun with him? He’s too cute! He looks just like a little angry bird!”

Sighs of awe filled the entirety of the bar as Takeshi pinched Jay’s cheeks, making him look like a little croaking frog. There was a visible annoyance etched on his face—something that made you haughtily laugh at him. Takeshi’s so-called Mama had to physically yank him away from the poor boy, making the whole scene in front of you look like something fresh out of a comedic skit.

“So… where’s Angel Eyes?”

Mama was now seated on one of the counters, taking a cigarette out of nowhere.

“She was here, on one of the counters. Takeshi probably let her stay in one of the rooms at the Love Ho next to ours. I think one of the girls is treating her injuries right now.”

She pointed her unlit stick upstairs.

“Takeshi, you can go with her to Angel Eyes and come back once she’s done. The boy will stay here with me. I don’t think she’d be comfortable with him in the room, so just let her do her thing alone.”

Pointing her other finger to one of the seats, she beckoned for Jay to come to where she was. Another round of whines came out of Takeshi’s lips with the new orders.

Before you followed Takeshi out of the bar, Jay rushed to you and gave you a reassuring hug.

“Remember, You can do this. I’m rooting for you,” He whispered right into your ear. His hushed voice soothed the lump that was growing inside your throat. Exhaling a choppy breath on his neck, you closed your eyes, smelling the aromatic scent of dry cleaning and detergent. You never knew, but he could be the last person that you’d see before your unrealistic, but somewhat plausible demise.

“Jay, it’s not like I’m dying, but yeah, thanks a lot,” You replied, returning the hug with a tight squeeze. He gave you a firm pat on your back, slowly letting go of you. You let the remnants of his touch linger on as a sign of good luck.

"You alright, hun?"

You and Takeshi were sitting on top of the last staircase that separated the bar from the outdoors. You curtly nodded, rubbing your upper arms to let your crewneck sweater trap more heat into your body.

Shadows of people that weren't there illustrated themselves in your vision, and you mentally traced their outlines one by one. Some of these shadows lurked behind each building, moving clandestinely like the stray cats that hid behind large trash cans. Being the factual human being that you are, you comforted yourself with logic—these were just tricks, "rapid eye movement," as they say.

Sometimes, though, the unknown didn't have or need an explanation. Phenomenons such as the shadows of the night and Angel Eyes did not require rationality for the sheer fact that there was absolutely no single way to verbally describe what was going on. Calling these shadows "ghosts" made it a lot easier than trying to find answers as to why they were there, and dismissing Angel Eyes' situation as a product of gang violence would've saved you and Jay all the time in the world.

The difference between the now rapid movement of these shadows as they danced under the light was how they weren't prostitutes. They didn't need to sell their bodies to carnivores who lived off of devouring and dominating the weak and vulnerable. They just floated about and minded their own business, serving their main role of giving humans a little fright at night.

Under the street lamps that continued to flicker about, you saw the flutter of a moth's wings.

"Must be nice to be like that, right hun?" Takeshi chimed in, holding a metal flask in front of you.

Your fingers wrapped themselves around the cool steel, breath easing in with every sip of warm alcohol.

"Yeah. For someone that's called Angel, she sure can't spread her wings."

You passed the flask back to Takeshi, who stuffed it in his pocket.

"She's really lucky she has you, you know? I remember when Mama and I started out two and a half decades ago."

Takeshi stood up and softly wrapped his fingers around your wrist, pulling you up from your seated position.

"Mama wasn't even called Mama back then, she was known as he, and her name was Hiroto. We did drag together at a place called Paradise Lost, but they shut that down right before Hiro-chan, and I quit."

Stubby fingers pointed at an establishment opposite to where you and Takeshi stood. Metal blinds boarded up its doors, but the presence of a giant, blank sign on top of it gave you a minuscule sense of life in the now completely bare district.

"I won't say Angel Eyes has it easier, but what I can confirm to you right now is that even in our world beneath the surface of the city, violence against people like me is pretty much commonplace. That's why Mama quit once she had enough money to buy out Artsy Fartsy. She wanted to make a safe place for us, and of course, I followed along."

Takeshi was a great storyteller. So was Angel Eyes and Mama. Maybe the nature of their jobs gave them an array of experiences that sounds too strange to be true.

There was an attentiveness in the way he uttered each syllable, almost drawing out an entire picture with his descriptions. The harsh contents of his life under his intonation sounded just like a kindergarten teacher lulling her students to sleep on nap time.

"The thing about our world is that we really only have each other. It would be nice to make connections outside of what we do, but it's pretty much impossible when the entire country brands us as something illegal. That's why I'm kinda jealous that Angel Eyes met you,"

Takeshi flashed you a motherly smile, and you raised your arm to give his shoulder a firm, but soft pat.

"I mean, Mama and I get along really well, but our industry is known to be cruel. We can't get too close to each other even if we need to; it's just gonna hurt us all in the end."

You tried to find words of consolation or comfort, but your throat was stuck. How can you add insight to an industry you've never set foot in to this day, or ever? Angel Eyes' stories weren't enough for you, because even within the streets of the red-light district, they had their own separate worlds.

The building right next to Mama—or Hiro-chan—and Takeshi's bar had a flair of uncanniness to it. For its light pink finish, the bleakness of the tinted windows added a sinister touch to the overall architecture. A flickering glow from the large, cursive sign that read "Bon Perrier" plastered itself on the concave entrance, greeting the two of you with a cold welcome.

The receptionist's eyes widened upon your entrance, dropping a white, plastic phone entangled in curly cords. A large clatter from the fall disrupted the smooth bossa nova music that played on the intercom.

"Take-chan! I thought you were- "

"I'm not here for that, Fuji-chan. Lord knows I'd never find a woman attractive in that way,” Takeshi said with playful disgust. The woman called Fuji-chan also had a tinge of dramatic exaggeration in the way she spoke, wrapped in a tenor quality.

"Ara maa, is she a new face? It's quite refreshing to see someone as youthful as her around here!" You shook your head in response, dodging the hands that tried to pinch your cheeks.

"Do you know where Angel Eyes is?" You asked.

"Angel Eyes?" Fuji-chan placed the plastic handset back onto the receiver, propping an elbow on the smooth, marble table. She took out a thick, hardcover book and began scanning through her list of patrons for the night.

"Fujiko, it's the girl who came in a while ago. Heavily injured, thick Southeast Asian accent."

Humming in response, she quickly closed the book and switched to her computer.

"Ah, I see. Mariko left a few minutes ago, but I'm pretty sure she's still there. Eighth floor, room 15."

Dangling an intricate key card in front of you, a sudden sternness replaced her animated gaze.

"Be careful, though; she's a wreck right now. I don't know who did such a horrible thing, but I'm placing my money in a foreign branch here. It's bad to point fingers, but Mariko-chan and I talked about this after tending to some of her wounds." She explained. She leaned in closer, and you tiptoed to meet the eye level of the two, tall people that hovered over you.

"I think it's the Russian mafia. I'd say the Triad, but I don't know. They haven't been that active around here since two or three years ago."

"Me too. The way she was beaten doesn't look like anything the Yakuza would do either. Even they'd treat their girls with some levels of dignity."

You found yourself nodding along to the quick succession of accusations. Initially, you expected the red light district to be run by domestic gangs. If your history class taught you one thing, it's that prostitution is pretty much illegal across the world. Of course, some lucrative methods were used to exploit the loopholes, but nonetheless, the industry itself wasn't quite open compared to the soaplands you were in. Mentions of foreign criminal organizations definitely widened your perspective as you began to comprehend the global nature of the sex industry.

Once their gossip session subsided, Takeshi waved goodbye to a slowly disappearing Fuji-chan, guiding you to a hallway with three elevators.

"So… I don't mean to be such a nosy person, but how did you meet Angel Eyes?"

You tapped your feet on the cool swirls of the marble-tiled floor, tracing its abstract swirls with the tip of your shoe.

"She always bought cigarettes at the convenience store I work in. One day she came in with a black eye, so I gave her some bread, and we became friends from then."

Takeshi flashed you another warm smile as one of the elevator doors opened, revealing a scarlet interior lined with gold.

"You really are a dear, hun. Most people in your world wouldn't even bat a single eye if that ever happened. Just like how bystanders ignore a person puking their heart's content at a platform."

He sighed, gaze fixated on the carpeted floor. The accelerated levitation you felt aligned with the sudden wrenching of your stomach.

The elevator made a slight ding, opening its doors to reveal an aquatic-themed floor. The hallways were illustrated with vivid colors of fishes and corals. As you peaked into the outermost part of the hallway, you saw a semi-realistic drawing of a mermaid sitting on a rock.

Instead of the bright lights that greeted you at the entrance to the Bon Perrier, this floor was illuminated in shades of navy and turquoise.

"Well, I'll see you back down, alright?"

Engulfing you in another tight embrace, you felt the corners of his metal flask poke your chest. This time, you returned his hug with equal desperation for human touch.

He waved goodbye as you entered a blue-tinted door with the number "15" in the middle.

The dazzling shimmer of the delicate chandelier swayed with the hums of the air conditioner that blasted throughout the entire room. Jay tried to count the number of crystals on each end of the myriads of candelabra stuck on it, but lost track whenever he’d feel the daring gaze of his companion of the night.

A part of him wanted to tag along with you to the other building, but he knew it wasn’t in his place to talk to Angel Eyes. Like you told him, it was your situation, and you were the most eligible party to conduct this diplomatic venture.

Another part of him just wanted to be next to you throughout the night, as weird as that sounds.

Despite his predictions, the slender woman in front of him kept the unlit cigarette between her slender fingers. She twirled it around, reminding him of when he’d flick his pen in class.

“Worried?” She said with accented English.

Jerking his head towards the woman, he nodded.

There was a slight pause in her speech, before she decided to continue in her native tongue.

“Well, I’m sure she’ll be fine. It’s almost closing hours for the district anyway, so I doubt anyone will hunt her down.”

She kept up her slower enunciation, in contrast to the way she spoke with you or Takeshi. Jay didn’t know whether to take offense in her consideration of his status or to thank her for being considerate.

The sheer mention of a hypothetical hunt sent shivers down his spine. It was one thing to live in a foreign country, but it was definitely another to fully experience the so-called “underworld” behind the surface.

The woman continued to play with the unlit cigarette, lightly tossing it up and down between her palm.

“You sure do like her, huh.”

“What?”

A sudden shift in the woman’s innate pessimism gave Jay several rounds of chills.

“The way you look at her. It’s almost like puppy love, I’d say.”

“What makes you think that?”

Jay has never been this defensive over anything. Sure, he’d act up whenever things were being thrown at him, but his demeanor always remained calm.

There was a childlike giddiness in her gaze as she stood up from the counter, standing where Takeshi was. Grabbing a bottle of Bacardi, she began to pour a few shots of it in a cocktail shaker.

“Hmm, you tell me.”

With a smirk etched on her face, she sliced some lime on a wooden cutting board. She took his silence as an answer, and whistled an unfamiliar tune.

“Do you want me to spell it out?”

Although her speech was slow, she retained the jovial attitude she now had. Jay kept his eyes glued to his sneakers, swaying them in the empty space of the bar counter. He could hear her turn on the faucet, and quickly looked up to her exposed back as she washed the cutting board. She continued to whistle along, stopping right as she placed the wooden board on a hidden drying rack.

“As I said, you look at her funny. Almost like she’s the only one for you. It’s cute.”

Green veins popped out of her slender hands as she squeezed some lime juice in the cool, metallic shaker. For someone as thin as her, she sure did have some amounts of muscle definition.

“I don’t think I look at her like that, though. I’m just worried. I don’t want the police to think I led her here or something.”

“Good alibi, boy, but that’s not passing through me at all. It may not be love just yet, but I know what strong attraction is when I see it.”

Jay watched her every move. He’s seen a mojito before, but he’s never known how it was made. The woman’s finger was now around a bottle of honey, pushing it up until the viscous liquid slowly poured into the cylindrical container.

“You know, the way you’re acting right now reminds me of myself back then. I was quite naive and young when I started, so a single act of kindness always managed to pull me in.”

He couldn’t catch a few words, but her emphasis on the way she said them made him infer their meaning.

As someone who considered himself a third culture kid, picking up shifts in tonalities and diction was a talent that he developed in his years of living abroad. It was also a way for him to compare the languages he knew how to speak, and what they revealed about their respective culture.

Shoveling some pre-crushed ice into the shaker, she began to demonstrate her skill.

“I used to work in the industry itself before I became the “big mama” of my own group of girls. You see, when you’re like me, love and attraction were a rarity. In such a conservative country such as this, it’s really hard to find someone out there.”

Shaking the contents of the cocktail back and forth, she diverted her gaze towards him.

“It was probably two decades ago, in the nineties, I think. I was in my early twenties, and it’s only been a few years since I’ve started. Most of my customers were only there for one night, but I did manage to have a couple of regulars.”

She placed the shaker down, preparing two tall glasses with metal straws inside. Taking a muddler, she took a leaf of mint and began performing something akin to a magic trick. Despite its small size, its scent filled his nose as she stirred the drink.

“There was one guy who always showered me with gifts. I knew what he wanted, but there was still an innocence in me that longed for him. Unlike the other customers, he made sure to ask me about the things I liked, when my birthday was, or when I’d end my shift. I really thought he was into me.”

Doing the same with the other empty glass, she used her other free hand to grab a bottle with bubbly liquid inside.

“Do you drink?”

Jay nodded, following the muddler as it stirred around.

“Okay, good. Anyway,”

A proud smile was on her face as she slid the glass of mojito towards him. He took the glass above his nose, smelling its dizzying sweetness. He’s never had a mojito before, or any cocktail for that matter. His years in America exposed him to nothing but kegs of beer and oily sausages.

From the counter, the woman began to sip her drink.

“He was married, but he treated me like a woman for once in my entire life. There wasn’t any malice in him, and he was incredibly kind. Not just for the gifts, of course. It was the little things, like how he’d open our bottle of champagne first, or how he’d always make sure I was comfortable with whatever we were about to do on certain nights.”

The cool liquid had a strong tang to it, but he soon tasted the harmonious blends of honey and lime.

“I don’t want to seem dark all too soon, but it’s basic routine for everything to go bleak in a world like mine. His wife, she found out and killed herself right after that.”

Her sips became heavier, and she opened the bottle of Bacardi to add more of its transparent liquid to her own glass.

“It was hard for me to take in—still is. I then found a letter in my boudoir from him, telling me it was my existence that made him realize what he truly was. The letter was quite long, but I read it enough times to remember every single word in it.”

Her speech returned to its usual, fast, yet somber patterns, and Jay did his best to catch whatever she said.

“It was perhaps the first time in my life where I truly felt something for someone. I did have my girls, but what they say is true; there is a difference between friendship and romance. It was just such a strong sense of longing that lingered on in me even after he stopped seeing me, and that made me realize that maybe, maybe, I was in love. The talks about family and whatnot didn’t apply to me when all they’ve ever done was force a norm in me that I knew I wasn’t a part of. So boy, you should be thankful for what you have. It’s already risky enough for her to build an amicable friendship with Angel Eyes, so I’m pretty sure both she and I wanted you to stay here for your safety.”

Her glass was now empty, and she shook the large cubes of ice that clanked with the clear surface. She threw in some broken English in her stories, giving Jay a somewhat better understanding of her experiences.

“What I’m trying to say is, you’re young. You’ll meet more people for sure, but she’s a keeper. Her dedication to making sure Angel Eyes was okay is enough for me to know how nice she is. Don’t lose her, yeah?”

An air of silence began to fill up the air, but it was comfortable to him. He didn’t feel the need to talk, and he continued to sip his drink. The flavor was a bit calmer on his taste buds now, as the large cubes of ice continued to melt in with the mojito.

Jay never believed in love at first sight. His parents would often talk about their miraculous encounter and eventual marriage, but it wasn’t enough for him to fully consider the reality of the phenomenon.

His skepticism and defensive attitude towards this entire situation should warrant an explanation, which originated in the form of his sister.

You see, his sister was a romantic. She fell in love with the neighbor’s son as soon as they moved to America, and they hit it off immediately. What she didn’t realize, though, was how he’d often sneak out to waste away his youth in clubs that reeked of hard liquor and tar.

She’s fine now, but it took her some time to recover from the shock of it all.

Not everyone exhibited the same behavior as his sister’s ex, but it did teach him to be wary.

The layers of sarcasm, juvenile humor, and troublesome antics ceased to protect him from the enigma that was you, however.

He’s not sure if he’s met you or not, but the way his tutor would talk about you built an image of the girl he’s always wanted to meet. Ambitious, calculating, yet inviting. That initial intrigue soon grew into a mild infatuation, and before he knew it, he couldn’t get his mind off of you at all.

This whole night with you turned that image into a reality, and all his guards came tumbling down.

It was quite difficult for him to grapple, since he’s always prided himself in being a “smart lover.” He never dabbled into romance too much, and he prevented the escalation of attraction into pure forms of adoration. Hell, he was the one who often joked about his friends’ failed relationships, so something like this was extremely foreign to him. Too alien, in fact.

As if the woman in front of him read his thoughts, she chuckled.

“Don’t be scared, boy. I don’t know what’s on your mind right now, but don’t take it too seriously. What comes will come, and when it goes, you gotta let go. Just go about life like that, and you’d be fine.”

He took another sip of the mojito, nodding at her every word.

“I see a lot of myself in you, you know?”

Jay tilted his head in confusion, setting the glass aside. He didn’t know if it was half-full or half-empty, but the debate can wait for later.

“In what ways?”

He was careful with his tone. He didn’t want to look insulted at the comparison.

“Oh, in many ways. You’re quite playful, and your eyes wander around a lot. It’s almost like a little bird, really.” The woman started, leaning her body on the counter with ease. She looked up at the ceiling in nostalgic wonder, taking light sips from her glass as she twirled the liquid around its circumference.

“You have a curious outlook toward anything and everything, and that’s very refreshing for once. The people that are from here who work during the day and live so-called normal lives care too much about trivial things and sticking to the norm, never even opening themselves to any form of exchange. They’re very standoffish, and I’m sure you know that as a foreigner in this country.”

Jay nodded, too aware of the countless experiences he’s had as an “inbetweener”—never foreign enough, and never enough to gain local status. Although his situation was different from the woman in front of him, he was fully aware of the parallels in the narrative.

“Yeah, I get the angry bird thing a lot,” Jay started, thinking of all the times that he spent isolated in a classroom that pretended he didn’t exist. “I don’t know. I never get tired of moving around, though. It’s a nice way for me to learn new stuff, and that’s pretty cool.”

“Oh? Where did you live prior to coming here?” She asked, curiosity widening the smoky decor of her lids. Jay slid his glass to the woman, who emptied its contents in the sink. He muttered a small apology, which she returned with an amicable smile.

“I grew up in America. Then I went back to Korea for a bit to train,” Jay started. “Not for the military by any means,” He then corrected, frantically waving his hands at the woman who kept her lax position by the bar counter.

“What I meant to say when I said training was to become a singer,” He started again. “I was gonna debut in a boy group, only to realize that it wasn’t for me. I liked the idea of being famous, but I just wanted some freedom again,”

The woman’s eyes widened as she filled her glass with auburn liquid again.

“That kinda makes sense, considering your face.” She used the muddler to draw circles in the air, with each movement aligning with his facial features. A long, sharply decorated nail etched the lines in his eyes, then traced the angles of his jaw, then led back to the curvature of his lips.

“I’ve heard that the world of entertainment can be quite harsh. Korea especially, I think.” She said. “I don’t know much about the new generation of singers there, but I remember having some customers that complained about the stupid restrictions. You guys even have a dating ban or something, right?”

Jay nodded in response, recounting the times he and his trainee friends would sneak out to meet some of the girls that attended the high school nearby.

“How did you get into a university here without a high school diploma, though?” The woman suddenly asked, shifting the conversation in the same way she shifted her position. “University in general is pretty tough unless you’re going to an arts-related school, no offense.”

“I studied for the SATs and TOEIC, and somehow got into the social science program. My major’s still undecided, though, since I had to catch up on a lot,” Jay replied, eliciting a light hum from the woman’s lips.

“Well, you have a very bright future ahead of you,” She said with a smile, getting closer to gently pat the crown of Jay’s head. “Education was a missed opportunity for me since my parents kicked me out before I could graduate high school. If I could turn back time, I might have struck up a compromise with them to attempt university.”

There was a sudden warmth in Jay that beamed with each word of advice from the woman. It was almost like in another life, they would’ve been close friends.

“Thank you. It really means a lot. I was kinda lost for a while, but I’m glad that I’ve sort of found a footing I can go with.”

“Don’t mention it, boy. I’m just doing what I feel is right. Not to say that I fully regret coming out, but living comfortably with who I am had an extreme trade-off.”

The woman excused herself and stepped out of the counter, leaving Jay alone in the empty, yet cozy interior of the bar.

You took the time to examine the keycard that Fuji-chan handed off to you. Its thin, plastic material was almost sharp enough to cut your finger if you weren't too careful. The card itself was a minimalistic design—the words "Bon Perrier" in the same cursive font were delicately typed out in a golden color, coupled with the swirls of art nouveau patterns that adorned the sides of the card.

Slipping its slim physique into the designated opening of the keyhole, a loud "click" was audible enough to fill the silent hallways with sound.

The room was almost pitch black, obscuring anything that came to view with its dark shadows. The only thing that illuminated the area was the vicinity of the open door, as the blue hues of the hallway's LED lights acted as a candescent glow in the extremely austere atmosphere of the room.

"Who's there!?"

You saw a curled, feminine form suddenly spring up into action. Shatters of glass were heard inside, and the shadows cast by the blue lights from the ajar door displayed the shadowplay of a hand holding a pointy, broken glass bottle.

Even if her voice was the exact opposite of inviting, the sheer fact that it belonged to her gave you a sense of relief.

"If you're the mafia, I'll kill you! I'll kill you!"

Your feet were stuck right in front of the door, and you raised your hands in surrender.

"Angel, it's me. I wanna see if you're okay, okay?"

The large shadows subsided alongside the click of a lamp. Within the dim cast of a yellow light bulb, you saw her, curled up on the king-sized bed. White duvets were stained with pools of dried blood, and her crouching figure shivered with fright.

Slowly coming inside, you shut the door behind you, making sure to hear the same click that indicated its locked state. You felt the walls as you made your way toward her, taking note of their soft, insulated texture.

Angel Eyes wasn't exactly as young as you, and the stains of black eyeliner on her cheeks revealed her true age. When she would visit you at the convenience store, any form of wrinkles would cover themselves in the flawless application of foundation and blush. Her hair was always tied up in a neat bun with a crown of Dutch braids right above her forehead—something like a medieval princess. Now, it was completely disheveled, and you began to see the frizziness that came with a continuous process of bleaching and dyeing.

She remained still, hugging the bloodstained duvet even closer to her body. The little slips revealed that she wore nothing underneath the duvet.

"Oh, it's you."

An undertone of melancholy mixed harmoniously with her usual jovial tone. She looked like she didn't want you here at all.

"Yes, it's me. Can I see your wounds?"

She hesitated, before revealing her bare torso to you. Fingers began to trace the janky stitches of thread on her body, and she flinched with every single touch you gave her.

You weren't a med student, and in no way were you qualified to treat her wounds. This was up your brother's alley, but nonetheless, you took what you knew from his incessant ramblings about human anatomy and applied it to the sight in front of you.

Before you went any further, you got up from your position and poured some bottled water into a pristine glass. She politely declined the offer, directing her hands on top of the wooden bedside drawer.

"Me not so thirsty. Girl from a while ago, Mariko gave me water."

You nodded, continuing to examine the mini-fridge. You didn't know if it was the nervousness or your addiction to coffee beginning to show its side effects, but your throat was completely dry. Eyes scanning through the neatly aligned plastic bottles in the cooler, you took out a bottle of ginger ale and gulped half of its contents in one go.

Despite her body being a bloody, injured mess, her face was untouched—save for a few, dark bruises that washed away under her thick, oxidized foundation. Her false lashes fell off her face as she roughly scratched her eyes, smudging the deteriorated linework of her eyes even further. You tilted her arm, checking for any signs of physical trauma. Sure enough, several parts of her bicep were filled with knife markings. Scabs tightly formed around the inflated area, but you could tell it was still fresh.

"I'm okay. Can still move."

The way she winced in pain as she attempted to flail her arms was almost akin to comedic timing, but there was no time for that right now.

"Angel, you're not okay. Look at you; your entire body is filled with scars!"

You asked her to turn around, and her back was perhaps the worst thing you've ever seen since binging an entire season of Hannibal. Most of the scars were haphazardly sewn with a tacky finish of black thread, but the biggest scar did not seem to cover her exposed muscle fibers. There was some blood gushing out of the opening of the wound, oozing in thick, bright red hues.

Your quick feet left the bed and entered the large bathroom, taking a bathrobe, a comb, and a few towels.

"Did Mr. Chen do this to you?" You asked, handing the bathrobe to her. She shook her head, eyes still on the duvet.

She shook her head. Helping her out of the covers, you gently held her arm, which was like glass between your fingers. You combed her long hair out of the way, and slipped one sleeve into her wounded arm. She did the other side, and loosely tied the bathrobe with what little strength she had in her.

You took a remote from the bedside drawer, turning the entire room's light system up. The clear brightness made her shriek as she buried her head in your shoulder.

"Turn down! Turn down!"

At her request, you slightly dimmed the room down, making sure to leave just enough light for you to further examine her wounds.

Lights pats began to carefully avoid the scars on her back. Her breath hitched with each touch.

"It's okay now Angel, I'm here, alright?"

Your hand traveled to her damp, frizzy scalp. You felt her nod as you patted her head. Small, skinny arms laced around your waist, pulling you closer. The movement made her wince in pain.

Taking the comb from the bedside, you started smoothening out the entangled mess of her disheveled bun. She turned around, giving you access to the entire length of her hair. Taking a hair tie from her wrist, she placed it right behind her, arms disabling her to raise them high.

"It was a foreigner."

"Hmm?"

The comb snapped in half amidst one of the larger clumps of hair, prompting you to use your fingers. Starting at her scalp, you massaged the sides of her temples.

"Foreigner beat me up. American, I think. He white man. Told me I scam him because period start. I bleed during sex he got mad. Took my wallet, took my bag, took my phone. He said he go to police. He said he arrest me. He said I go to jail."

She closed her eyes, letting your fingers ease themselves between her hair.

"Do you know what he looks like?"

You had to be careful with asking for too much at once. It was enough at is it that she allowed you to come this close to her in such a state.

"Kinda fat. Bald. Blue eyes. Big nose."

Humming as she began to describe his looks, you pictured several men of that stature in your head. Burning a few of the descriptions in your head, you took out your phone and quickly typed it all out.

"Do you know his name?"

She shook her head.

"No name. Bad for business if you tell real name. Reservation name I know, not real."

"Can you tell me his reservation name, then?"

She pointed to the bedside drawer, and you telepathically opened it. Taking out a notepad and some paper, she jotted down the last name of the perpetrator.

"Don't know correct spelling or not, but it look like that on booking."

You thanked her, neatly folding the paper and stuffing it in your jean pocket. You'll probably hand it off to Mama or Takeshi once you went back down.

"Can you stand up?"

Angel Eyes shook her head. She asked you for one of the pillows on the couch, and you jogged towards it, swiftly tossing it to her.

"Leg okay but arm no. Him not so good at punch, so he got knife and stab stab around. Can walk, but tired."

Slowly retracting her body from her seated state, she hugged the pillow tight.

You sat by the bed, slowly watching her fall in and out of sleep. Taking your hand, you continued to comb through her hair, giving gentle touches that carefully prodded away from the bruises on her face. Some of them were ones you've seen back at the convenience store that were slowly healing up, but most were fresh.

Taking a deep breath, you tenderly engulfed her in an embrace, avoiding too much pressure on her back. Her shaky breaths stabilized into deep patterns of inhalation and exhalation, giving you the cue to get up.

"Thank you, Angel, really. You've gone through enough. I'll see you at the store when you're better, yeah?"

Using the remote, you dimmed down all the lights back to the way it was when you entered. The last thing you saw before you closed the door was Angel Eyes clutching the pillow tight, chest rising and falling into a deep sleep.

Waving a quick goodbye to both Takeshi and Mama, you were now side by side with Jay, exiting the red light district. The once dark skies brightened up into a luminous fusion of violets, blues, and orange in unison with the white, circular sun rising up from its slumber.

The streets looked contrastingly different from what it was a few moments before—the shadows that lurked around dissipated into thin air, leaving remnants of afterimages that floated with the sun’s rays. The roads flashed with the vivid hues of taxi cabs that finished their nightly routine, carrying invisible passengers in their seats. The white silence of the “after dark” hours was now replaced with various noises that performed their daily orchestra of noise; the pigeons fluttered their wings in the sky, perched atop electricity towers; the once barren pavements still lacked human presence, but reclaimed their mundanity in the times between dawn and morning; laughter ceased into complete silence as the izakayas turned their lanterns off, boarding their blinds up in the process; the convenience store lost its glow in the dark, night sky—replaced with a serenity that invited daytime patrons into its automated doors of glass.

This was the signal for the end of “after dark” hours to you, and you’d say it was as equally intriguing as the former.

Jay pointed at a 7-Eleven in the station, and you followed him in. The convenience store you worked at was a different chain, but who’s to say you needed to uphold brand loyalty?

“Dude, I could totally use another red bull right now.”

You nodded, darting toward the continuous rows of beverages behind a cool, glass door. Picking up two cans of coffee, you waited for him to jog towards you to give him his can.

“How are you not tired?” He exclaimed, gulping all the coffee down in one go. He then dug into his backpack for a nearly empty bottle of honey, squeezing what he could out of it in his coffee. You contemplated telling him the story about Mr. Honey from your brother, but opted to hold your tongue. There were many secrets spilled that night, and you decided to keep the tale for another day.

“I don’t know. I work the midnight shift, man. I’m used to it,” You replied, twirling the can of coffee in your hands as you watched the sunrise.

Jay took his phone out of his pocket and checks the time: 5:07 A.M. There were a few notifications in the periods of dormancy, but he chucked it back in.

“I don’t think I can go to class like this. I’m too tired and I can’t show up wearing what I wore yesterday.”

You stilled a burst of laughter, twirling the cans of coffee between your hands again. Its metallic clank buried itself under the radio-friendly pop songs that played in the intercom.

“Dumbass, it’s Sunday. We don’t have class.”

Jay’s eyes widened in response. The shock was a nice substitute for caffeine, after all. To check if you were correct, he fished his phone out again, checking the time and date on his lock screen.

“Is that your girlfriend?” Mimicking the same tone he used back at the bar, you pointed at the girl on his screen.

“Dude, if I had a girlfriend, I wouldn’t be here with you by now.” He replied, mocking your tone with an exaggerated impression of his own. “Also, incest is gross. That’s like if I asked you if your brother was your boyfriend.”

The casual nature of his remark prompted your cheeks to redden. Jay took note of this and mentally thanked the woman at the bar who served him a mojito for her encouragement.

Following him to the snack aisle, he began to choose food in an array of bright, packaged airbags.

“Did you know, this country has the least air-to-chips ratio? Like, I remember back in America, where most of their chips had more air than actual potato chips. It was kinda sad, but hey, at least it’s not as bad as Lays. They have the worst ratio when it comes to this.”

In perfect unison, he pointed at the green bag of Lays sour cream. You nodded in agreement, eyeing the rows of chocolates that tempted you to buy out the entire section.

“Are you gonna be some sort of chip scientist? Spending years of study until you perfect the exact ratio between blank air and crispy, fried potatoes?”

He snorted at your response, coughing his throat in the process. He took a bag of Calbee’s classic Nori Shio chips, presenting them to you with a dramatic flair. Replicating his little act, you took a box of chocolate-covered almonds, swishing them around in circles.

“If the pay’s good, I might as well do it, but that’s only if you’ll be my assistant. I need a professional part-time convenience store worker who touched enough bags of potato chips to give me the information I need.”

You tapped on the surface of the box, tracing the alphabets etched on it. Positioning the box towards your cheek, you attempted to hide the growing shades of pink that dusted its surface.

“I’d join you in your venture of scientific discovery, but my love for chocolate almonds won me over. The more important question here is determining the perfect chocolate-to-almond ratio inside these babies.”

Shaking the white and red container, your eyes met Jay’s brown irises. The warm smile that you’ve grown accustomed to was present on his lips, and his eyes turned up into little crescents. You took the box further onto your face, covering it entirely.

“Bro, I don’t wanna see almonds. I wanna see your face.”

He grazed his fingers on top of your hand, gently taking the box down to your sides. There was a bright, doe-like nature in his pupils that you didn’t seem to notice under the chandelier of the bar.

His hand lingered, firmly holding yours. He held your hand a couple of moments ago, but something about this one felt different. It wasn’t the supportive squeezes he gave you before you checked up on Angel Eyes, and it definitely wasn’t the forceful tugs you subjected him to before you met Mama and Takeshi.

It was familiar, but it felt very new.

Remnants of the fleeting moment bore into the muscle memory of your hand as he let go.

“We should probably pay up. We’re blocking the aisle.”

Timidly nodding along, the two of you walked together to the cashier. He offered to pay for your items—something you didn’t expect from someone like him. You did try to protest, telling him you were earning “cash money” through your job, but he insisted.

“La la la can’t hear you. What’s that? Did you mean to say, Oh my Prince Charming Jay, please pay for my much-needed coffee and almonds!?”

You elbowed him, feeling sorry for the cashier that had to deal with you two.

Stuffing the bagged goods in your respective backpacks, you made your way to the ticket gate. Jay tried to read the kanji characters in Japanese, but gave up halfway through.

“I don’t get how Japanese people work. You take Chinese characters and completely fuck it all up in every single way. Plus, you have hiragana before and after the characters. If you’re gonna use Chinese characters, just use it as it is.” He complained, throwing a middle finger at one of the signs.

“Even I’m confused most of the time. Like, there are so many ways to read some of the characters, and sometimes different characters sound the same.” You replied, sharing the same sentiment. “Writing is also a different story, since my handwriting is absolute ass.”

Laughing in agreement, he slung his backpack strap tighter toward his shoulder. A deep sigh escaped his lips, as if he woke up from a good dream. You tilted your head towards him, tracing his jawline.

“Man, that was a crazy night. The only thing I planned out was to meet you during your shift and ask for your number, but I didn’t know I’d be caught up in some type of underground violence.”

Your mind thought of his sentence a little longer, like a piece of bait pierced on a metal fish hook. It was one of the crazier nights for you, too— but nothing prepared you for the sudden anomaly that was Jay. Even if your year-long experience of scanning barcodes from nightly patrons prepared you for something like this, it wasn’t like they openly made you feel like a giddy high schooler again.

“Who knew your quest for pussy would lead you into a rabbit hole of gay bars and soaplands galore, right?”

Patterns of panting began to form on your lips as you reached the top of the platform. Jay patted your back, hitting it with a bit of force later on.

From where you were, the whole city came to view. On the horizon, the skies turned into a visible shade of marmalade, losing their cool tones. The array of skyscrapers asymmetrically obscured the bright sun, forming geometrical, yet abstract shadows that loomed over the entire area. The once empty pedestrian lanes started to crowd with dots of people that rapidly moved from place to place. Jay pointed to the large, red sign that indicated the entrance to the red-light district. Underneath the sun, the place lost its vivacity.

“I wouldn’t exactly say a quest for pussy, but more like a quest to see and talk to you again. And again. And probably again.”

A box-shaped grin formed on his lips as he wiggled his eyebrows in rapid succession. You took your backpack and hit his shoulder with it.

“Stop being cheesy, please. It’s bad for my health.”

“You’re bad for my health.”

You continued to bombard him with a flurry of soft hits, until both of you ended up in a hunched position, stifling any kind of laughter that tried to leave your lungs.

“No, but seriously I wanna do this again—preferably without the whole sketchy alleyway stuff,” He said, eyes glued to the soles of his sneakers. You giggled in response, snapping your fingers in front of him to grab his attention. Your eyes meet, and you smiled at him. He returned it with his trademark grin.

This was a sight you could definitely get used to in your midnight shift.

“Well, you know where the convenience store is.”

A robotic female voice announced the incoming arrival of your train back home, disrupting the uninterrupted eye contact you shared with each other. You pointed to the platform and tilted your head in question. He shook his head in response.

“I’m that way.”

He used his thumb to point behind him. As you heard the train tracks’ guttural, janky clanks, you slightly grabbed his hand. Glancing back to your own platform, you began to see the train’s head rushing into the station.

“Oh, and by the way,”

“Hmm?”

You leaned into his ear and felt him slightly shiver at the proximity.

“Freshmen cotillion. You were drunk as fuck. The suit was kinda hot, though.”

The doors to your train opened, and you ran inside right before they closed. Through the glass window, you vigorously waved your arm, being mindful of the passengers around you.

The last thing you saw before your train left the station was Jay’s wide eyes, coupled with a flurry of texts that barraged your phone afterward.

#tranquil fic rec #group: enhypen #member: jay #genre: mystery #genre: magical realism #genre: romance #genre: comedy #type: long fic

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