pxmarierose

[pxmarierose]

An update, I guess.

It has been almost a year since I last visited this blog and yes, I am still alive. I actually have thought about updating this blog several times already but I don't think I had anything extremely important to say. So I think, I do have those now.

Almost two weeks ago, I lost another good friend that I have known for quite some time, Kite. Kite is our HR personnel way back 2006 when I joined Siemens PH. I actually just remember good times with her - no joke. Meron kasing iba na nagsasabi na naaalala mo lang or nasasabi mo lang yung mga magagandang bagay pag namatay na yung tao. Fuck cancer talaga. Bakit ba kako sa mabubuting tao pa nangyayari 'to. I miss you, Kite. Talagang puro masasayang alaala lang ang naaalala ko sa'yo. No more pain and suffering - and until we meet again.

I said "another" because this year, I also lost Pia - the sweetest person I was lucky to have met and made friends with. I knew Bridgerton because of her - as she lent her books to me (trusting me enough to take care of those) and even gave me a recipe of her croquettas. I miss you, Pia. I am so sorry that I haven't been a good friend to you.

And since we're talking about friends - here's what went down this week:

Yep. These are the same folks who were with me when my head was somewhere out there and non-functional. It's been a hot minute since we last hung out and went on a roadtrip and this is one of the highlights of my year. Nakaka-miss pala yung tawanang walang humpay talaga. Yung tulog na bahala na anong oras gigising (well s'yempre except for kailangan 'nyo mag-check out ng 12nn gaga ka ba) plus the never ending kwento whether it's about our work or personal lives.

Just a few realizations lang din: sabi ko kase noon, bakit kaya tuwing may paandar, hindi ako kasama? Ang sama ko ba'ng tao, gano'n? Hindi ba ako fit sa grupo nila? Ayaw na ba nila sa akin? I realized that as you grow older, you let people be. You don't force friendship. You don't force people to like you. You respect their decisions. You can be happy for them, whether they'll do the same or not. At the end of the day, it's you who is overthinking things, and who's forcing relationships, when you don't need to. People will like you if they'll like you. People will care for you if they want to. Keywords: if they want to.

So ayun lang ang hanash ko for this Saturday. I don't know when I'll get to update this again but thanks so much to those who read my old blog that's been around for quite some time now. :)

[pxmarierose]

How are we?

It's been almost a year, and I have a job since 8 months ago. Life has been so-so. Thank God, we are continuously blessed.

Comedy pa rin dito sa bansa namin kasi hanggang ngayon wala pang matinong response about this pandemic. To think na hindi naman ako ganon ka-political magpost - biglang nagkaron ako ng pake. Sabi ko non, "Hmpfh, di naman ako apektado nyan!" pero kung iisipin mo, ngayong aware ka na sa kung gaano kalaki yung kaltas sayo kada sahod mo aba eh parang teka lang ho, kailangan ko na'ng magkaro'n ng pake!

Honestly it's been a while since I have stripped down my feelings and posted something like this, so enough with the political BS for now. ;) Well, eto, stuck at home and all - how's my mental health? I feel like pulling my hair at times, lesser instances of me smiling, nagugulat ako when I laugh my heart out kahit nasa bahay. Minsan lam mo yun, you just find yourself laughing because of the incredulity of things happening around you. Kadalasan, iniisip ko kung kelan ba ako makakaalis sa 'kaputahang sitwasyon na 'to, mga gano'n. Makakaalis pa ba ako, ganyan.

Pero kanya-kanyang trip sa pag-cope ng nararamdaman and para maprotektahan yung sarili mong pag-iisip bago ka malunod at tuluyang bumigay. Minsan din, naiisip ko if papasok na ba ako sa therapy, kailangan ko na ba, ganern. Lalo kapag nababalitaan mo na paisa-isang nawawala yung mga kaibigan mo, yung mga kakilala mo, kahit kakilala ng kakilala.

Ewan ko, siguro after a year ganito pa rin yung sitwasyon namin, hopefully, hindi na. Medyo nakakaurat na rin kasi, na napapatanong ka na sa sarili mo if marunong ka pa ba makisalamuha sa ibang tao pagtapos nitong pandemyang ito, marunong ka pa ba pumunta sa mga lugar na pinupuntahan mong madalas. Alam mo pa rin bang ienjoy yung mga bagay na almost dalawang taon ng hindi nagagawa kasama yung mga kaibigan.

Kapit. Kung sa palagay mo eh di mo na kaya, 'wag kang mag-alala, hindi ka nag-iisa.

[pxmarierose]

-16

About two weeks ago, I learned that I will be laid off work.

Sucks, right?  I am, until now, at a loss for words on how I’m going to continue ‘living’ and be able to sustain my mom’s medication once I no longer report for work.  The last person that I am thinking of is myself, I think about my mom more than anyone.  

I’m getting tired of things, honestly.  My mind has been rejecting the idea and refuses to cooperate - I am supposed to be studying and feeding my brain some ‘brain food’ instead of just rambling here in my cob-webbed space in the internets.  phew.

Despite of everything, I am blessed with friends and a partner who understands.  My friends are job hunting with me - for real.  They are the ones who are looking for posts for me, and are even asking me for my CV so that they can refer me to anyone they know.  

I badly need a job.  Please.  

[pxmarierose]

#NewNormal ng pagde-date sa Jollibee. 😷 Ka-haggard maggrocery bakluh. 40 minutes maggrocery, 45 minutes pipila! 😴 https://www.instagram.com/p/CCioKF2pjSs/?igshid=1t2lu6il4jjqs

[pxmarierose]

My POV.  And no further than this blog post.

Earlier today, a supposedly “caretaker” of the compound where my father’s house sits (and where I also live with my mother) and I had an altercation.  Nobody wanted to stop, nobody wanted to give way.  I decided to go inside the house, as arguing with a closed-minded person would not get me anywhere and is just a waste of time.  Bite me for realizing this after talking nonstop for almost 10 minutes.

I am not proud of what came out of my mouth, I am not proud of what I said, I am not proud of the outcome.  But I will forever be proud of standing to what I believe in - and for defending my family’s property.  For believing in what is right.

I blog when I’m emotional - and tonight my emotions are just too high.   But that would be the last time that I’ll stoop that low.

It was never my intention to insult anyone, nor to make anyone feel inferior.  My only concern is my father’s property - nothing else.  If you hurt me or my family, I won’t just stand by and watch.  I will retaliate - if it’s for my family and loved ones. 

If you come across this blog because you want to “know more about me”, be my guest.  This is the last time you’ll hear me talk about this incident - I won’t give you an audience next time (should you piss me off next time by trampling on my father’s property).  If you want to gossip about me, go ahead, I don’t fucken care.  I’ll take every legal action I can in my capacity to protect what’s ours and what my Papa took years to work on.

And I’m moving on.  Bahala na kayo jan.

[pxmarierose]

Nakumpleto rin. 💕 Except for Rebel, all of these were bought as secondhand from FB groups. 😊 Walangggggg tulugannnnn!!! 😂 (at Binangonan) https://www.instagram.com/p/CCKsRY3pJSC/?igshid=10tv0cgs29tv2

[pxmarierose]

Akala ko matitiis kita, eh. 😂 (bukod sa Shopee, budol din sa bookstores. Wag pasukin. 😂) https://www.instagram.com/p/CCITnl_JUPa/?igshid=wo71ekph4ran

[pxmarierose]

Father's Day Sunday ♡ https://www.instagram.com/p/CBslVZgJKNz/?igshid=956mqekq1hl4

[pxmarierose]

🌸 (at Quezon City, Philippines) https://www.instagram.com/p/CBqF4XXpNrv/?igshid=bmkp95dqh1cj

[pxmarierose]

Current read. 😉 I re-visited my collection and just found out that my copy of this classic turned 10 years old last February. 😉 I got this for Php 225 pa noon. 🥰 Nakakatuwa rin magbasa ng mga libro mong nabasa mo na dati. Para kasing nakikipag-usap ka sa isang kaibigang matagal mo ng hindi nakakwentuhan. 😉 https://www.instagram.com/p/CBkYW9gJ3up/?igshid=tht51lmjj70e

[pxmarierose]

I don't remember another book that made me cry harder than I did with The Kite Runner. I was desperately looking for this in NBS, finally landed a copy from @booksforlessbookstoreph 💕 Why it took me so long to read this, I don't know either. But boy am I thankful for owning a well-loved copy (with dog-ear pages, too) of Khaled Hosseini's masterpiece. Let me share to you the part that I loved (and cried at) the most: "He held up a finger, asking me to wait, and walked to his living quarters. A moment later, he emerged with something in his hands. 'The opportunity never presented itself last night for Hassan and me to give you this," he said, handing me a box. 'It's modest and not worthy of you, Amir agha. But we hope you like it still. Happy birthday." Why this part, you ask? I won't spoil the (entire) book for you, as I'd like for you to read through it and exoerience the same warm feeling that I had after finishing this great work. 💕 "For you, a thousand times over!" https://www.instagram.com/p/CBiy0khpU_T/?igshid=bnwzi72dg7fp

[pxmarierose]

[pxmarierose]

thank you for the birthday gift, babi. 🥰 matagal mang hinintay, ang importante, dumating. ❤ https://www.instagram.com/p/CBXKsOrJCOJ/?igshid=1qftxlur39lp

[pxmarierose]

[pxmarierose]

🧡 https://www.instagram.com/p/CBP_mUxJ2nj/?igshid=6dwztcaor20v

[pxmarierose]

☺ https://www.instagram.com/p/CBF2W18p8AD/?igshid=1btf417vnpq4h

[pxmarierose]

- Troye Sivan https://www.instagram.com/p/CBACs2apMyR/?igshid=1euj862n5g739