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iconic hyunjin looks (8/∞)

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[pxgos]

Hyunjin icons: 🥟

-ˏˋ⋆ Like or reblog if u save/use ⋆ˊˎ ♡

[pxgos]

the personification of art itself: hwang hyunjin

pls how is it possible to be this beautiful? punching air rn

[pxgos]

[pxgos]

» rebel (past) & wildfire (present) » @xiris���

dear sunshine,

it has been a while. it seems like days do not exist without you. you want to smile at me, yet I cannot look upon you. it has recently come to my attention that I have not greeted you in a few centuries. a human pointed it out. as I stare at my curtains, I can see you warm their edges – you never lost your glow. but I have lost the ability to appreciate it or even touch it. sometimes, I wish I were mortal. sometimes, I miss you. will you forgive my absence?

he picked the glass of blood-spiked wine and took a sip. a drop fell on his parchment over the word ‘human’ – a stain. he pressed a finger over it, allowing the paper to soak it in. it looked like it belonged, as it should. he put the glass aside, and dipped his pen in ink once more.

are nights longer when you are gone? because my nights are longer without him. I feel like I should not depend on a fleeting emotion or a fragile human existence, but I find myself yearning for it, like an ant yearns for sugar crystals. and maybe I will become an ant, and the sugar will crush me. can you promise to shine over my body if I decay? will you look over him until his mortal life ends?

another sip, another drop. ‘without him’, because his heart bled leaving him behind in his mortality, forced to do so to spare him of the pain of never dying. but what did he know? perhaps he knew nothing. he was barely an adult, still dreaming of beautiful mornings and a sunshine smile.

I cannot forget him. forgive me sunshine, if I have been unjust. but help me not forget him, help me keep his memory. because this mortal is like…

like. words escaped him, another sip and someone barging in. his instinct was to get defensive when his privacy was invaded, especially like this. he has been attacked in his own chamber one too many times over the centuries, he could not afford being taken by surprise. he was in a vulnerable state after all, mind a little hazy with words and in pleasure because of the blood-spiked alcohol. he relaxed when he saw caleb with the cat. he did not expect him to give him such a pretty gift – he drank the scent of lilac until he felt like floating. he felt scent stronger than humans, and he quite enjoyed lilac - and the beautiful flower that bloomed at his window at night, them and caleb were his favourites. he did not grow up with lilac when he was human, but he knew that his current manor had quite a few trees blooming different colours in the yard. he chose it because they looked pretty in may.

his lips tugged into a smile, and he looked at the kitten with fondness. tsubomi, what a pretty name. he wondered how caleb stumbled upon it given it was not very common. he assumed caleb went through his books and saw it somewhere, akemi did not want to ruin his fantasy by seeking for the truth – caleb must have dreamt of that word. akemi will go with that. he lifted his gaze up and looked at caleb amused, recalling how he let the kitten sit on caleb’s jacket. “most cruel. jackets are not to be pooped on, tsubomi,” akemi entertained caleb and the kitten for a bit, but cleared his throat to sound more serious after a while. “do not stay late. it is a full moon tonight, and vampires are not the only monsters lurking.”

he watched them go and surpassed whatever joy he had, or whatever deep thoughts. he took the flower crown in his hands and looked at it, it was pretty. if he could keep it like that forever, he would.

…like lilac in bloom, ephemeral and seasonal. one day, he will lose his scent and his breath, he will lose his petals and wait for another year. be there for him, sunshine. until he has no more springs left.

he trapped a little bee in an empty glass. it probably snuck in with caleb, following and adoring the sweet scent as much as akemi was. he covered the glass with his hand and brought it to his window. he took a deep breath, and slid his hands under the curtain to open the window. he released the bee, and closed the window right after. his hands were burning.

please, protect him.

† † †

“why should we listen to you?” a vampire snarled at akemi, who was seated at the end of the table judging them all. it was the table of graces, or disgraces – depending on who you asked. the most powerful vampires, the oldest, the order of power, the high class, the royals.

“yeah, aren’t you the one who harboured a mortal?” another one spat on the table to get attention, some of the vampires agreed with a cheer.

the two vampires who accompanied akemi looked uneasy, they knew he did not like being disrespected. but most of all, they knew he did not like it when someone talked about him. akemi stood up, he was tall and elegant, but imposing all the same. they stared at him, they judged him, they wanted him out of the room. they looked for ways to remove him from this table, but they knew they should have him as an ally rather than an enemy.

“immortals live for centuries repeating the same mistakes, gaining no new knowledge. sometimes we need a second set of eyes, eyes that are not looking for anything but life. when is the last time you have lived?” akemi paced towards the first vampire who questioned his methods. “why do you kill?” a simple question, but there was absolute silence. akemi looked at the others, he waited for an answer.

“because it’s fun!” one of them said and hit the table with his fist. a few others agreed. akemi looked at him arrogantly, he had reasons to. he was, without question, the smartest in the room.

“is that all? well then,” akemi paced around the room again, until he reached the vampire who spoke. “proves my point. you are an immortal, and you are telling me you are not smarter, not wiser, not better than humans. you respond to instinct. it makes you less than human. a brute, an animal. is that what vampires should be? mindless savages looking for the next kick? we are not addicts. we want to rule, we want our food because we deserve it, we have rights. we do not always kill, my people do not. and we do not take, we ask,” he leaned in dangerously close. akemi was just as intimidating as he was handsome, his pretty features, however, did not betray any kindness. “and this is why you listen to me. because of your stupid acts, we are on the verge of being uncovered by human authorities. we are supposed to be smart and quick. superior in every way. I harbour humans for knowledge. to learn how they work, react, feel. so I will ask you again, why do you kill?” his words were graver, the vampire who spoke looked significantly smaller.

“to feel alive,” christopher answered, playing with his glass of blood. akemi’s lips curled in a smirk, he walked away from the vampire he cornered.

“and that is why I fuck him and not any of you. now clean your mess, idiots. next time think twice about kidnapping and killing humans,” he was shameless, arrogant and unforgiving. it was not a good idea to provoke him, nor to question his strategy. he was not always right, but he surely liked to act like he was.

“who died and made you boss?” the cornered vampire muttered, but the vampire next to him kicked his leg under the table. akemi heard him, but decided to ignore his buzzing.

† † †

the lilac wilted on his desk, and he pressed it in a book. he still has it, and sometimes when he misses him he opens the book to recall that afternoon. he wondered if the bee made it back home, or if the sun heard his prayer. the wave of lilac crashed into him when caleb fell in his arms again, akemi could feel his hands burning – as if they have touched the sun, as if he was made of sun. he recognised the effect of his influence, and he felt slightly guilty for having to shut caleb’s pain like that. he should let him feel it, even if it overwhelms him. but akemi remembered celeste, and how she depended on him and on whatever knowledge caleb had.

akemi looked at him, his hand guided to touch his cold cheek. a face that bloomed pinks and red turned pale blue and purple. he was still beautiful, his beauty could never fade. akemi recalls tracing those features with his pencil, in his study, a few days after caleb supposedly died. he could not find tsubomi, he only found her a few days later, curled up on caleb’s old jacket, forever asleep. and all those memories rushed in, and akemi felt hatred, resentment, and pain once again. he should push him, he really should. but he pulled him instead. never had he heard anyone speak those words the way caleb did, he meant it not because he wanted something from akemi, or because he knew that it was what he wanted to hear. no. he meant it because at his very core he was human.

I died without you. he wanted to say, and maybe he will one day. one day, just not today. he helped caleb stand and he breathed out, not realising that he has been holding his breath this whole time. “we will reconcile after we fix this, alright?” he meant it, he wanted to talk it through. even if he knew that perhaps things will not go as smoothly as he hoped they would.

they arrived in the room where they kept celeste, the sight was too much for akemi to bear. he had to help caleb sit on a chair, just because he felt the pain deep in his chest. he touched the glass and looked at his friend, once so young and healthy, fighting to stay alive. they took precautions, isolated her well and stayed away as much as possible. she smiled cheekily, but coughed right after. “oh don’t look like a lost pup, akemi. I’m okay. I wanted to lose weight anyways,” she teased, she was strong. akemi pushed his feelings away and turned serious, then he looked at her skin and everything else as objectively as he could.

“it is some kind of pest,” the medic said and brought a paper for akemi. “her skin is littered with dry patches. it looks like she is aging rapidly, these are all dead skin cells. her organs are failing slowly. I have never seen anything like this. it must be some mutated virus, otherwise I cannot explain why it is so aggressive,” he explained, and akemi looked at the paper perplexed. he was smart, but he never had to learn things like these. he could patch up a wound no problem, but this was far beyond his reach. however, he was motivated to read and learn about it.

“can you keep her stable?” akemi asked, not hopeful at all. the medic looked at him with a sigh, akemi nodded. “did you try blood? vampire blood?” the medic shook his head.

“we do not know how she will react. vampire blood should accelerate healing, but in this state she might reject it. we could try administering just a bit to follow her evolution. if it keeps her alive just for a little longer, we might be able to learn more about this thing,” the medic explained, and akemi rolled his sleeves up.

“how long does she have right now?”

“a few days. it is working fast, but she is quite old. which means it will take a while until her entire body decays. it seems that in the first hours it works fast, then it is a slow and painful process. I must say, boss. if this thing gets out, it is the end of immortals. not just vampires, but especially vampires,” akemi looked for a needle, and when he found one he gave it to the medic.

“we are trying vampire blood. celeste and I have the same blood type, so try mine first,” the medic nodded, but for a brief moment he looked over at caleb, wondering why he was there in that state.

“you compelled him,” the medic was quite bold, and rarely afraid to say whatever was on his mind. perhaps that was why akemi liked him, he was always honest.

“I had to. now take my blood. he can actually help us, he has a lot of human knowledge. this virus must have been created by humans, which means it stems from something human. he will help me find it,” akemi explained, the medic stuck the needle in.

“will he?” he was calm, celeste coughed again. akemi spotted jeognin by the door, looking worried. christopher was nearby too, chewing on his nails and fingertips. it was scary, yes. akemi did not have to instruct them about the importance of keeping this a secret. the fewer people know about it, the better.

“yes. he will,” akemi answered, and looked at his blood moving inside the syringe. he rolled his sleeves down, and looked at the medic. “if it works, come and ask for more. you should ask christopher if any of his people have any medical knowledge. having a few heads working on this will be ideal. I will look in my library for some answers with caleb,” he explained, the medic still looked a bit sceptical about caleb.

“I hope you know what you are doing, boss. he is an outsider.”

“not to me,” akemi’s words were final. with that, he grabbed the additional papers that the medic handed over, and walked back to caleb. he got down to his level and touched his cheek, perhaps out of habit or maybe because he felt like his compulsion worked better like that. “mon chéri, we will go to the library in a few. but can you take a look at celeste? just to take notice of the way the virus attacked her body.”

「 lèvres sanglantes 」

[pxgos]

» wolf » @xiris​

a sigh escaped his tiers, he wondered if he should perhaps delve in the topic. he did not want to upset caleb, and the intimacy they created was too peaceful to ruin. he decided to hold his tongue, but it did not stop him from thinking. perhaps human nature was just shallow, even his dearest was infected by its very poisonous roots. even so, he could not blame him – because akemi too was selfish, and shallow. nobody could really change the nature of mankind, even after they become a different species. maybe akemi in his own way fell for the beauty that caleb had – even if his definition of beauty was quite different. beauty in fact had no definition, perhaps it was what made it so dangerous, so toxic, so addictive. in time, caleb might realise it for himself – or maybe akemi will sit down and explain it.

not right then, not when his blood found something new to cling onto. it was not coldness, not disease or death – it was the sun akemi denied for so long. and he was allowed to embrace that warmth, to keep it close, until it dissolves in his arms and becomes nothing. he wondered if he will turn to ashes, or if he will fall apart like a corpse – akemi hoped he would become old, for he deserved to experience a boring but safe life. he really did. his scent was mesmerising, and akemi caught himself biting the inside of his cheeks more than once, sometimes hard enough to feel blood in his mouth. he will not harm caleb, he did not want to. but could he really resist the temptation? it was in his nature to harm, to feed, to destroy, to ruin. caleb would make beautiful ruins. ones that akemi would rise to become a temple. his temple.

love often forces you to do what your conscience does not want you to.

a moment of silence turned into a decade of darkness – all those bits and pieces akemi kept hidden. the moments when he felt incredibly lonely, that time when he watched his life burn before his eyes, or that other time when he was kicked aside. and he lost control of his feelings, even if just for a little while. he looked at caleb, but he did not speak. he did not have to. his lips dry and cold pressed on the warm skin – he wished they could stay like that for an eternity. and at the back of his mind, he uttered words that hurt him to the very core.

I am not worth your pain, but you are worth mine.

† † †

there was a time when smiles did not cost anything. a time when he gave them out for free. he had little, much like nothing – only himself and his family. a time when he let days drain him on the field, when he let the earth injure his skin. when he let the river take him and carry him anywhere the wind blew. and he remembered one of his sisters sometimes, the memory of her was very distant – he cannot remember her favourite colour, but he can still remember her eyes. such innocence and sweetness was rare for a child like her. he loved her, even if he could not remember how that felt like. and sometimes he hears her voice calling from the fire, calling for him to die with her. but he – he did not. he could not die.

immortals were greedy, because humans were. and whilst akemi knew exactly how he could end his life, he chose not to. he chose to live on, let vengeance consume him and others, let the entire world fall to his feet. and he fought for it – he fought for it all. he has been in wars, he has won and he has lost. he never allowed himself to be swayed by whines and cries from mortals or immortals, even if they should ignite some sympathy in him. perhaps they did at times, but he did not let them see it. he has done plenty evil, he has reacted like an impulsive teen more than once – but never has he been as reckless as falling for someone. and he had plenty occasions to, plenty lovers he had dear or he wanted to have again – why caleb? it was the question that has never left his mind ever since he met caleb. and as much as he did not believe in fate and destiny, he could not deny that perhaps they were meant to meet. he was meant to meet a person that made him smile for free. that felt like home.  

† † †

“really now?” akemi frowned at the fury beast on his bed, the kitten stared at him for a while before resuming its cleaning routine. akemi liked animals, but he did not like it when someone let dirty ones in his room.

“caleb let it in, sorry sir,” one of his followers apologised and rushed to pick the cat up, but akemi stopped him. the vampire looked at his superior confused, yet stopped in his tracks. akemi smirked, and the other vampire felt incredibly intimidated. that smirk usually meant one of two things: trouble or more trouble.

“I will deal with it,” the vampire looked at akemi almost innocently.

“sir?”

“I am not heartless. I would never harm an innocent cat. I will just show it the litter box,” akemi seemed amused, and the vampire blinked rapidly. akemi picked the cat up and brought it to his chest, the kitten did not seem to mind. “you are a cute stray, but you are dirty and you have flees. however, I suppose caleb can take care of you if he brought you in,” akemi smiled, but he made sure his follower did not see it. he grabbed the jacket caleb left behind in his room and threw it on the floor, then placed the kitten on it carefully. “this is your toilet. I will give you some privacy,” he scratched the kitten’s chin, then turned around to see his follower utterly baffled but somehow amused.

“may I ask something?” the follower inquired, and stared at akemi as he passed by.

“as long as it does not waste my time,” akemi responded a little detached, closing the door behind him. he was secretly glad this particular follower decided to be around, he was a quite decent boy. not someone who will blabber about akemi’s peculiar behaviour, or his secret love for cute little animals.

“why don’t you smile more often, sir? it suits you,” the follower almost expected akemi to slap him silly, or hiss at him. he was ready to defend himself if push came to shove, but akemi did none of that. instead, he actually smiled.

“so that you do not ask me questions like that one, jisung,” akemi said coolly, and continued to walk away from his room. jisung followed him, akemi heard him sigh in relief.

† † †

akemi counted his heartbeats, perhaps as a way to calm himself down. it was indeed very stupid to barge in without backup, and to gamble with the way one of the oldest and strongest vampires would react. but it was exactly something caleb would do, akemi did not want to lecture it on it. he was just glad he barged into the right place – not that he was forgiven. however, akemi could put his animosity aside for the sake of fixing the issue. the heartbeat was stronger now, and akemi could feel caleb’s body getting heavier. he did not need to think, he instinctually wrapped an arm around caleb’s waist to sustain his weight. he did not expect a reaction like this. in these brief seconds, caleb looked a lot like the person akemi used to know – the innocent human wishing for eternity, begging for a smile with the prettiest eyes. it shocked akemi, and he could not hide his astonishment at caleb’s reaction.

naturally, akemi put his anger aside. he believed him, even if he did not say it. no liar could be that good, and the way caleb reacted led akemi to believe that he was reliving some past trauma. “I never mentioned his name,” in fact, akemi did not know the name of the intruder. but he guessed from the way caleb reacted that he knew him well. “caleb, mon chéri*, I am not letting anyone in,” he cupped the younger vampire’s cheeks, still bewildered by his reaction, attempting to calm him down. “but you must tell me everything about this ethan. he attacked one of my friends’ business. he has others with him, do you know them too?” akemi tried his best not to overwhelm caleb with questions, he had far too many.

“boss,” akemi was startled by the voice of one of his followers, one that knew about caleb and this place. he was forced to let go of caleb, but he made sure he did not drop him on the floor.

“must you interrupt me?” akemi’s eyes glowed red, and there was a growl in his throat. he turned at his follower, who took a step back. “what is it?”

“celeste, sir. she’s sick,” akemi’s gaze softened, he was utterly confused and still annoyed.

“what? she is a vampire. she cannot be sick,” the follower looked at him uneasy and then looked down. “what are you not telling me?” akemi’s voice sounded surprisingly broken, it was too much even for someone like him to handle.

“she’s really sick. she might die, sir. our medic put her in isolation. it’s some virus that kills vampires, sir. she said she was pinched by this hooded person in an alley,” the room was spinning. akemi felt as though all the oxygen has left his system.

“tell them to find out everything about it. how this virus reacts, develops, everything. I will,” akemi looked at caleb briefly, then back at his follower. “he is really smart. let me calm him down, and I will bring him along. I think he can help,” his follower nodded, and akemi held his wrist for a second. “please keep her alive. and do not get sick too, jeongin,” he let go and stood in the door frame for a minute longer.

he went back to caleb afterwards, and sighed. he hoped they had more time to discuss things, but this could not wait. this was an urgent matter, and he needed caleb in the right headspace. he grabbed his chin and pulled him close. “I am sorry for this, 私の最も甘い*. we will come back to this a little later,” he looked into caleb’s eyes, and he mustered the willpower he needed to influence his headspace. he was not certain it will work, he usually chose not to do it if he could help it. “you are calm, you have access to all of your knowledge. and your assistance is needed right now. do you hear me, caleb? I need your help.”

_________ *trans. my dear; watashi no mottomo amai (my sweetest)

「 lèvres sanglantes 」

[pxgos]

» bleed » @xiris​

sometimes his body would feel empty. as if he was a corpse left in the rain, much like the lifeless body he left behind. and he often did not care what happened to his victims, they could rot on his accord. because in his mind, there was always a reason for taking one life. there was always something – even a little thing. he needed motivation, he was a killer but he had his own twisted morals. his own kin did not see it that way, but it did not matter. he saw it that way. he was not as monstrous as they liked him to be – perhaps it was what got him into trouble often. he was respected, feared, liked and hated – there was no way he could satisfy every single vampire or human. always in-between was his thing, and whilst he sided with vampires most of the times, he was not entirely ignorant towards humans.

and caleb made that side of him shine. if he could have him in a crystal box, he would have gladly searched for one to fit him. a fragile prison, one that was every colour he emitted, and one that could be shattered with a single tap. that kind of freeing prison would suit someone like caleb – and in his own way, akemi imprisoned him in an attempt to protect him. protect him from his own kind, from his competitors and enemies, and especially from humans, the worst kind of monsters. the real monsters. are we the monsters, or do they make us into monsters to feel better about themselves? christopher asked akemi once, and he could not answer. he thought about it for centuries, and he only found the answer when he looked into caleb’s eyes. if caleb could look at him like that, then he was not a real monster.

† † †

his naivety was amusing, but a little sad. akemi could not begin to explain the pain of living as an immortal, it would have been in vain. whilst most humans dream of the privilege to stay alive for longer, some vampires would trade immortality for a second of feeling alive. especially those vampires who did not choose to become this. caleb’s proximity did not bother him, but it made his blood boil under his skin, it made him feel warm – a cold-blooded creature turned human once more with simple touch. and akemi did not understand it, nobody explained it to him or even told him it was possible. he never thought he would catch himself sweating again, or even have his heart skip beats when his cold, red eyes would linger on caleb’s face for long. or have his breath caught in a loop when leaning in to kiss him, always tender and never with the lustful passion that was typical of vampires, especially typical of akemi. for him, caleb was a spider lily that kept on blooming, his life force, his eternity. and if caleb would be one feeling, he would not have one name. he would be a volume of poetry.

when akemi heard his words, he wanted to react violently as it was in his nature to act and ask questions later. he would have pushed him, thrown him against a wall and maybe accidentally killed him had caleb not touched him. caleb did not understand just how much akemi wanted to keep him away from that pain, but he was too weak to resist making him his forever. akemi blamed his own loneliness for falling prey to those beautiful eyes asking him, again and again, to keep them alive for longer. and perhaps in that moment, he knew time will drive them apart – even when time did not exist. because as much as akemi wanted to be less of a monster, his fate was sealed. caleb’s did not have to be. akemi brushed his cheeks with his thumbs, trying to find it in him to reject him. to let him go and live his life the way he wanted. with no knowledge of immortals, a simple human life. a boring one, but one in which he will never lose his smile.

“you do not know what you are asking,” akemi’s tone was soft, much like a whisper. his voice was hoarse, as if it was difficult for him to spell out such words. and maybe it was, because the words caleb spoke next made him weak. weaker than fire, or than the sunlight. weaker than he has ever felt in his life. and it hurt more because they were sincere. akemi listened to his heartbeat, and it was steady – he was not lying. at least not that akemi could tell, and he had plenty experience with liars. “I…am not certain what happens after a vampire dies. some clans and nests have their own traditions of sending the fallen away. there are…some that believe their path is shown to them when they die as humans,” it was the fire akemi did not want to face, the fire growing inside of him. consuming him, like the weeds that often swallow flowers.

he looked at caleb, he wanted to call him stupid in an endearing manner. but he did not. and perhaps he should have, because without those silly words, his words sounded colder and meaner than he meant them. “that is just your selfish human need to stay young forever. youth and beauty are not worth this. you do not know what you are wishing for, caleb. I have already accepted my fate,” but his words got stuck in his throat again. a human was offering him protection. it was so absolutely stupid, but akemi fell for it. he believed him, he believed caleb could be a shield even if he knew he was likely the one who will save this human. he did not want to bring technicalities up, he let himself believe that. with him, akemi was vulnerable – he wrapped his arms around him, bringing him closer. and if caleb wanted to kill him then and there, he could have. and akemi would have fallen happy, even if his hell was empty. “if I hold you by my side, I will be the one protecting you, 私のユリ*.”

† † †

“so you’re gonna be silent?” the bulky vampire asked, throwing another bucket of vervain water into akemi’s face. he looked away, his face was burnt and beaten from all the times they have abused it. they disliked that he was pretty, and that they turned into vampires in older bodies. akemi will not spill out secrets, he could take a beating.

“boss, I don’t think he’s gonna talk,” a short vampire told the bulky man, and he scoffed. he grabbed akemi’s long hair and pulled it, making him look up.

“nobody can deal with pain for long, not even this prick. give him time,” a woman said, her voice was gentle but she was the meanest there. the bulky man spat into akemi’s face, but he did not react. pain was nothing to him. not after he laid his lover to rest on the wet ground. he wanted to be in pain, he wanted to be dead – and these people were just doing the work for him. let me be with him, were the words on akemi’s sealed lips.

on day five, they administered the poison. akemi knew its pattern, he has been poisoned more than once before. but he was headstrong, there was no way he will betray his own circle. even if they did not owe him anything – he was certain they would not show him the same loyalty if they were in his place. and perhaps he would have betrayed them too had he not wished to be with caleb. perhaps he turn mad at this rate, he hoped that would do the trick. he had to hope that being insane will allow him to forget and move on. he stared blankly at his capturers and he did not speak, not one word.

after two weeks, he started losing his mind. and it was when the torture really began. his worst enemy was his own mind, and the phantoms it created �� shadows of caleb, bits and pieces of the broken human boy he wanted to keep for all eternity. all of caleb hated him in his mind, resented him for what he has done. and even if he apologised to all of those versions of caleb, they rejected apologies, they rejected him. and if even one fragment of caleb called him a monster, then he must be one. akemi believed it, deep in his core. he was bad, he was evil, and he will show them all.

he left a trail of blood behind when he escaped, and he made no exceptions. he had no remorse, no guilt, no feelings. he walked out of there with blood dripping down his chin, down his hands, down his legs. and his hair was no longer blonde, it was crimson. and his eyes bled madness.

† † †

if over the years caleb has mastered the art of lying was unknown to akemi, which was why he had to be very careful. caleb’s heart was steady, however, his body was no longer human. which meant it was easier to fake calmness, something akemi could do as well. he could not rely on his heartbeat, or on his sweet tongue. akemi was forced to rely on his gut feeling, which did not betray him often. he was furious, and it did not help that caleb dared being comfortable around him once more. it did not sit right with him, not when not long ago caleb tried to murder his entire bloodline. akemi felt stupid for thinking about the words caleb uttered before being dragged away. I missed you more than words can tell, was the reply akemi never spoke. he should have known better than to fall for a cunning hunter again. than to fall for his pretty face again.

akemi wished he did not have to be the cold, detached leader with caleb. but if he jeopardised his position for someone like caleb, he will never have it back. and he needed this position – not only for himself, but for caleb too. akemi knew that as long as caleb was in his possession, he was safe. his lily was in his garden, and akemi will have to be the one to weed and water it. but at least with him, the lily will not welt. he tried not to be distracted by this version of caleb – one that lost the human innocence, the naivety. one that has answered the question that was once asked – and akemi repeated the words he spoke back then in his mind: immortality has no perks. but right now, he had to doubt himself. his immortality had one perk: caleb.

“others are not me, ウサギ*. I will rip it out of your throat if I have to. I mean it,” he did mean it. the term of endearment felt colder, and perhaps it was used intentional to remind caleb of his position of prey, despite being a predator now. akemi had no desire to be violent with caleb, but if he betrayed him again, he could not spare him. not again. he looked at caleb, breathing out heavily, trying to contain his anger. the nickname was hurting him more than caleb could ever know, akemi had to look away from him. “you did. you lied to me before, caleb. white lies you thought I will never find out about,” akemi looked at him again, deep red eyes fixed on a paler version of the lover he once knew. akemi’s entire eye was red as if it was bleeding. and maybe it was bleeding, just like his heart. he stepped closer, mustering a lot of self-control to touch caleb without harming him. he placed two fingers on his neck to feel his artery.

“you cannot distract me. not this time, caleb,” but he was not entirely truthful. he still felt incredibly attracted by him, and somehow immortality suit him. as much as akemi wanted to deny it, he loved how violent he looked, how white and red tainted his features, how dark and confident he acted. “so answer me honestly, or I will make sure you never defy me again,” another step closer, perhaps to assure himself that caleb will stay on his feet. even if akemi did not show it, he was ready to catch caleb if he fell down. “did you train a group of human hunters? did you set them loose when I captured you? do you know anything about it?”

_________ *trans. watashi no yuri (my lily); usagi (rabbit/bunny)

「 lèvres sanglantes 」

[pxgos]

αυτό χωρίς καρδιά ;

.fairy_name ✴ kellan .human_alias ✴ kai lee .d_o_b ✴ unknown (spring, likely two or three centuries ago; human: 20th march, 2000) .age ✴ immortal (human: 21) .gender ✴ agender (he/they pronouns) .sex ✴ male .species ✴ dark fae .flower  ✴ aconitum (wolf’s bane or devil’s helmet) .orientation ✴ could care less, likely demiromantic .place_of_birth ✴ somewhere in asia (human: waterford, ireland) .ethnicity ✴ unknown (human: korean-irish) .languages ✴ sylvan (native, high sylvan), english (native, gaelic and british), german (fluent, old german), latin (fluent), ancient greek (fluent), japanese (intermediate) .residence ✴ dublin, ireland (has a home in the woods too) .occupation ✴ student at UCD (majors in plant biology)

⇉  m o r e . . .

positive ✴ creative, charming, intelligent, well-spoken, determined neutral ✴ deceitful, morally grey, adaptable negative ✴ cunning, malicious, jealous, vengeful, arrogant temperament ✴ choleric hogwarts house ✴ ravenclaw or slytherin mental health ✴ sociopathic tendencies (feels little to no sympathy for humans), deranged (might have psychotic breaks), temperamental

magical practices & powers ✴ he draws his power from nature and dark objects; his assigned flower is aconite, which means his life force flows within the flower (if someone will ever exterminate the species, he would cease to exist); he can control plants and speak with animals like most fairies; his words are poisonous (sometimes he can make humans do what he wants without fighting him); he uses blood magic (with sacrifices, torture, etc. but he does not harm animals, just humans and other supernatural beings); he is a firm believer in the balance of nature (dark magic throws nature’s balance off, so he tries to stay in the grey area and repent for heavy sacrifices); any creature of light can make him grow weaker facts ✴ he is not entirely evil (he lives in a grey area, even if he appears to be mean/rude); he likes to change his appearance a lot (with hair, clothes, make-up, etc.); he is quite the actor (it is a quality that makes him charming and dangerous at the same time); he is an excellent liar; he is very likeable (even if his actions are questionable, he is well-liked by humans and other supernatural creatures) premise ✴ there is a myth amongst his people that angels are still alive. today, most supernatural creatures stopped believing in heaven and in the existence of its winged warriors. but fairies, even dark ones, never stopped believing that these beings are still around. fairies often sided with angels in the war, but things have changed over the centuries. angels have wronged fairies in the past, and have turned their backs on them allowing fairies to die for them in the war. species of fairies went extinct, and naturally this history made new fairies carry a lot of hatred for the once beloved winged friends. it was perhaps the reason fairies still believed angels were lurking around, even when everyone else was happy that a war cannot start again with angels gone. kellan dedicated a big part of his immortal life to finding traces of angels on earth. it is in his own dark interest to stir something up, but he cannot do that without the winged warriors. if kellan is completely honest, he is mostly curious to see how angels look like given he has never met one.

[pxgos]

» you & I » @xiris​

maybe in his heart he always knew that he was not dead. no matter how real it felt and looked, accepting he was gone was not something akemi did lightly. all those trapped feelings he released for the boy trapped him too. and it hurt more than poison, it hurt more than torture. death was not painful, he did not think it was. and sometimes he was ready to accept it, to accept that despite his immortality he possessed one of the most painfully human and mortal sentiments: love. he did not want it, he never thought himself capable of it – but life enjoyed playing tricks on him like that, just like it enjoyed taking away everything he needed and wanted.

before he turned, he spent his days on the field, bathing in the sun and in the small river close to his home. barefooted, happy, filled with hope. it was his paradise, he knew that – he has long dreamt of going back to that moment. he wished he were mortal when his family was attacked, he wished he would have whisked away in a cloud of smoke like they did. but if he did, if he died all those centuries ago, what of caleb? what of that feeling that only he ignited? he would have died not knowing how painful it is to live. would it really have been better?

† † †

“darkness is the solace I must choose,” his body has never moved according to currents of feeling. his thoughts had a way of keeping it under control in most situations – but right then, his body was captured by peculiar arms. caleb was human, by definition akemi should have looked down at him. should have. but he respected him for whatever odd reason. his knowledge, his understanding, his cunning. if anyone can and will kill him, it will be caleb. maybe with a simple touch he already did, he killed him again and again. and akemi did not fight back.

“immortality has no perks, my dearest,” akemi sighed, his bleakness was but expected. after living as long as he did, he reached to the only conclusion one could. “imagine holding a grudge until the day you die. imagine the day of your death never comes. imagine all those moments that feel like seconds to you, years that feel like a day, centuries that feel like a week. time gets lost, and soon enough, everyone will be gone,” akemi turned around to face the boy, his face was stern but his eyes told a different story. he touched caleb’s youthful cheek, he did not know. he lived twenty-something years, he could not know, akemi thought. “if I could make moments last for an eternity, I would. I would keep this one right here. because in my lifetime, having you here for however long you may live, will feel like a day. a meaningful day, but still just one day. life is a flame that dies too quickly, and immortality is the perpetual darkness. flames will rise to light it up once in a while, but its nature will never change. maybe one day you will understand,” there was a smile on his lips, but it was rather detached and perhaps pained. immortality was not a curse he wanted to put on caleb, as much as he wanted him. as much as he loved him. but akemi never claimed to be strong in front of love.

† † †

his fingers traced his skin that now felt cold like his. he was once so warm, so alive – akemi remembers his pulse, his heart beating so fast. they were both dead now, and still, akemi felt more alive with him than ever. was it fair to think that death has brought them closer? he was not going to go, not any time soon, not if akemi could help it. but when he does, when he really does, akemi wants to join him. if the afterlife exists, he hopes he can take caleb to his hometown – to those hot fields in summer before everything happened. when he was just a boy, who knew little of the world but who cherished everything.

it was his own heart he felt in his throat, guilt. he felt guilty for making him go through this again, even if he had his reasons, even if caleb attacked first. akemi moved closer, the dim light fell on caleb’s features – he was paler than usual, he looked weak. and if akemi looked close enough, he could almost see the poison move inside his veins. “you do not need to be poetic to be a work of art, caleb,” the words escaped without much thought. and if caleb will bring it up later, akemi will blame it on a delusion or something. but in this moment, he did not want to be the enemy, not like this. “you can tell me where your headstone is later, I will bring you some flowers,” there was some amusement in his voice, but even so, he was quite serious about giving him flowers.

akemi knew he should not be too happy to have caleb in a good disposition, flirting with him as if he did not want to kill him. but akemi could not deny his passionate nature – he thrived on sexual tension and sensual escapades. he knew that caleb too shared that sentiment now given they were both made of the same blood. he let the knife pierce the surface of the skin, and watched caleb’s blood drip down his neck. he leaned in close enough to whisper in his ear. “mon chéri,” not once, but a few times as he watched the blood flow out of his body. when he thought enough of it was out, he pressed his lips against the open wound. his teeth did not pierce his skin, but they grazed it as if they wanted to sink deep. he controlled himself, and sucked the blood out of the wound, the poison hot in his mouth.

he filled his mouth with it, then spat it nearby. he could not ingest it because it was impure, the idea was to get rid of it as soon and as quick as possible. the second time he filled his mouth he was harsher, perhaps because he was fighting his own desire off. he spat the blood again, some of it dripping down the corners of his mouth. he looked at caleb, he looked weaker. akemi touched his cheek softly, caressing it with his thumb. he failed to be heartless, his touch betrayed his feelings once more. “I have no desire to torture you myself, my dearest,” he sighed deeply, and filled his mouth with caleb’s blood once more. until he took enough out to feel it clean in his mouth. when he did, he had to let him go. caleb was clean of poison, and akemi had to assume his role as a leader again.

he called his people to take caleb away. but this time he did not want him chained to a chair, he ordered them to take him to an empty guest room and restrain him there. as much as akemi wanted to let him be free, he was certain that once caleb was back to his senses, his plan to exterminate akemi and his people will continue. akemi could not risk having more vampires killed, it would not look good. besides, him and caleb had some serious catching up to do. some of his people started to grow suspicious, but they did not question him. and even if they did, they knew akemi did not respond to anyone, especially not to those he has saved or created.

† † †

“christopher is here to see you, sire,” akemi looked up from his desk, his fingers caught a rose petal that was dying. he got distracted by a painting for a moment, one he saw in a newspaper article. he put the newspaper away, and gestured to his men to let the vampire enter. he was younger than akemi, but his royal blood was purer. he was once a prince, in line for the throne. then things went downhill, and he had to run away. akemi met him a few centuries ago, and they have been good partners ever since. they both saw to their own people, their own districts, but they are always close to one another. it paid off for two powerful vampires to be close, not to mention Christopher was not entirely unpleasant to look at.

“did you miss me?” akemi asked amused, his little games worked better with people he considered close. he might have looked and acted mature around his people, but he could be quite silly with the right people. christopher was used to this side of akemi, hence he paid no heed to it.

“your arrogance is growing by the century, akemi,” christopher shook his head and took a seat in front of akemi, quite casual. “unfortunately, I am not here to play with you. there are urgent matters that require your assistance,” it was his business voice, akemi recognised it. he sighed and leaned back in his chair, playing with a pencil he was holding earlier.

“what is it?” akemi asked, he tried not to sound too annoyed. his mind was in a peaceful place earlier, he was actually in a good mood. good enough to go and have a chat with his prisoner, but of course, a good mood rarely lasts.

“we are hunted. the lower kin is starting to suspect our illegal activities. and, some high status vampires stole more than they should have. it is only a matter of time before we are also uncovered. that one vampire hunter that disappeared? you know the one who hunts his own kind?” akemi shifted in his seat, he was talking about caleb. akemi did not tell anyone he has captured the hunter, and to everyone else it looked like he just disappeared. “he made sure to stir some things up. he has friends, and those friends alerted the humans. last night, ten of my men were killed in an ambush. they came in with fire and crosses, and stabbed vampires to death. I am afraid this exposure will make human authorities turn against us. a war is coming,” christopher explained, akemi’s grip on the pencil got stronger. so strong in fact that he snapped it in half.

“really?” his voice was colder, even christopher got uncomfortable. “I happen to know the perfect informant. get your closest people, and you move in with us for a while. close the club, and lay low for the moment. we will find a solution, I promise you we will,” it sounded serious enough. akemi’s voice fell in a silent growl, he was clearly annoyed. he did not want to give more details, and christopher did not ask him to either.

akemi walked out of the room, and headed towards the secluded guest room. he should have known that caleb had more cards up his sleeves. he barged in mindlessly, let akemi capture him, knowing that even with him captured his ‘plan’ will continue. akemi felt betrayed, his heart was beating faster than usual. he let his guard down for a moment, let his smile guide him, let his own heart fall prey to an insignificant hunter. he wanted to hate him so badly without knowing the full story, he wanted caleb to be the bad guy. he wanted caleb to be this mastermind who played him, perhaps because he would have felt a little proud. but mostly because that would be the last straw, the straw required to push akemi away forever. to make akemi truly the enemy caleb painted him to be.

he opened the door and stood in the frame, tall, annoyed and almost bearing his teeth at a restrained caleb who should by now be free of any side effects the poison has had. “alright, I am ready to talk under one condition. no lies allowed. if you lie, I will cut your tongue out,” akemi slammed the door shut, and stepped out of the shadow, eyes red. “deal?”

「 lèvres sanglantes 」

[pxgos]

» hollow

out of all screams he has heard over the centuries, his screams were the ones he did not wish to hear. it was not the agony he was going through that pained him – it was their sincerity, their absolute pain. he had to leave, because he could hear no more. only a fool would believe he was completely unaffected by the pain he had to inflict upon one of his ‘creations’. his oldest companions knew him better than he wished them to – celeste was only one of those vampires that could read him with a glance. she stuck around for long, he does not even remember how long. her and elli were his forever companions, as some would call them. they came back every now and then, had the liberty to roam with whoever they wished – two women he came to respect and to whom he gifted freedom. their freedom was rewarded with loyalty – even if they often talked back at him, they were loyal to him and whatever his cause was. they would rather die than betray him – he knew that, he did not once question it. naturally, they knew him best. when he paced around in his study, celeste’s eyes were not wondering, they knew.

“what was it that he liked?” she asked, running her finger over the rim of her wine glass. it was one of his finest, she was welcomed to drink from it. he stopped in front of his bookshelf, pulling out an old manuscript he kept for one purpose alone – to remember. it was so old, it barely stayed glued together. he had to fix it a few times, it was a precious relic. and akemi was perhaps the only person alive who knew how to read it.

† † †

“– in japan,” his words disturbed the silence once more. akemi was lost in his thoughts, trying to find an appropriate answer to his previous inquiry. he got up from his chair, approaching the human and the manuscript he was holding. his long, yet cold fingers touched the broken spine of the book. his lips tugged into a smile unconsciously, one that disappeared as soon as it appeared.

“you know what they call japan?” he looked at the boy, his curiosity intrigued him. perhaps his equal thirst for knowledge made akemi docile, made him like him, allow him to be there and ask every question he wanted to ask. “the country of the rising sun,” he continued, taking the book out of the boy’s hands. he opened it at a random page, it was written in an old japanese writing – one that he grew up with. when he was a boy, he learnt how to read from an old, religious man. he was not allowed to have an education, because his family was too poor for it. but he learnt how to read – he learnt meaning much later. the book was handwritten, some pages were smudged or faded in time. the old man who taught him how to read wrote some of the stories he heard down. and, at night, akemi would read them under his blanket – he remembers practicing daily.

“this reads shita-kiri suzume, it means tongue-cut sparrow. it is an old folktale,” he ran his fingers over the words on the page, he was slightly amused. “perhaps you expected some ancient secrets. these are just stories. but in my opinion, they are the best treasure a man can have,” akemi closed the old book, and placed it back on the shelf. he turned to look at caleb. “to answer your question,” he said, softer but still detached. “I do miss it,” he was sincere, it was perhaps a fault. akemi has never been much of a liar – of course, he learnt over the years how to lie. it helped that he was a natural at acting. however, lying always hurt him. perhaps because he has always wished to grow up an honest man, who made an honest living and fed his own family. not one who fed on families.

“what would you like to know about japan? and which japan do you mean? I lived there more than once, in more than one century. I end up visiting every century, I cannot deny my roots.”

† † †

“stories,” akemi answered simply, celeste placed her glass of wine on the table. “I told you to use a coaster,” he did not have to look, he knew she did not use one. he heard her hiss, but as she shifted in her seat, he knew she picked up a coaster and did as he instructed.

“thought you’d be more worried about the dying boy in your prison, akemi,” she almost sounded spiteful, but he knew she did not mean to. it was just her personality. and that she had plenty of.

“he is not dying, celeste,” akemi placed the book back in the shelf, running his fingers over the spine. he made a mental note to fix it again later, it was something he did every couple of years. it was deteriorating, but he did not wish to give it to a museum. it was something personal, and it belonged to him. it was perhaps the last piece of home he owned.

“oh right, forgot he’s stubborn,” she rolled her eyes – he did not have to look, he knew she did – and got up from her chair. “remember that time I had to take the poison out of you? it hurts like a bitch. if he’s not dying, he’d sure want to,” she was scolding, akemi tried to ignore. “I know you care about him. you may fool these buffoons, but you aren’t fooling me,” she placed a hand on his shoulder, not many got this privilege. “I hope you know what you’re doing.”

† † †

akemi only went to see him after a few days. he did not witness the torture, but he surely instructed it. little by little, until caleb was numb enough. it was cruel, definitely something that akemi, the leader, would do. akemi, the lover, would have swallowed the poison himself. he would have taken the burden away – because it hurt. thinking about him hurt, thinking about his screams was torture to akemi as well. but he had to punish him – if only for appearances. he knew his vampires had the tendency to ignore direct orders, especially if they were angered. he was lucky enough a loyal vampire told him caleb received a dose that was a little too powerful. it was enough to make akemi go out of his chamber and go to see him.

he heard his pleas, he figured the pain was too much. after all, the venom must be draining him of all energy. a vampire could not die from it, so they were forced to be stuck in a state of half-consciousness, in constant pain. akemi asked to be alone with him in the room, because he knew he had to intervene. his nest wanted caleb dead, and that was not exactly akemi’s plan – he wanted to punish him, perhaps unleash his frustration and his relief that caleb was indeed still alive. akemi took a sharp blade, it was a pretty dagger made out of silver – an old object he has been carrying around for a few centuries now. silver harmed vampires, even if it did not kill them. it was efficient when cutting a vampire, which was the only reason akemi had one. one never knows.

“I am here,” akemi was not a saviour, he failed that mission a long time ago. but he will do his best to keep caleb alive this time. “I will kill those idiots,” he muttered under his breath, and looked at caleb. he sighed and touched his cheek softly, almost tenderly. he took his blade and brought it to caleb’s neck. “this is going to hurt a lot. but the more you resist it, the worse it gets. I will suck some of the poison out, but as it leaves your body, you might start hallucinating. and then, you will faint. you will not die though. but being close to death is kind of your thing,” he pierced caleb’s skin with the blade only slightly, then he stopped. he needed consent. “I can, of course, leave the poison inside your blood stream. after a month, it should stop hurting. and you, mon chéri, will be just another madman on the streets,” caleb would not be the first vampire driven insane by pain, he would certainly not be the last. “so, we can talk while you still have your wits, or after you lose them. there is no difference to me,” there was, plenty. yet, consent was proper. and something royal vampires were known for. they lured their victims and convinced them to give in, it was their game. they were predators after all not savages.

「 lèvres sanglantes 」

[pxgos]

» enough

what about spider lilies?

a line he read somewhere, sometime. it stuck with him, because it was peculiar. he did not like to admit that he liked flowers – a thing so alive it made undead things shiver. there were plants that burnt his fingertips, but he touched them still. because he was not afraid of beauty, he was not afraid of decay either. it was not knowing, not learning that sat heavy on his shoulders – he put an effort into learning as much as possible. and even if he played dumb, detached, akemi never forgot that boy who was once excited by everything alive. it was perhaps the reason why he could never harm an animal, even though it was in the vampiric nature to replace the source when times got hard. akemi would rather starve to death than harm an innocent animal. odd as it was, his compassion was something he kept for himself – exactly because it would make him look weak.

so, what about spider lilies?

they bloom up, towards the sky – some say they feed on blood. akemi could imagine them rising from his veins, twisting in the air once or ten hundred times. majestic flowers – royal, beautiful, peaceful. the flowers he would have left on his grave – he would have drowned caleb in these pretty flowers, from head to foot had he the strength to bring him to his final resting place, had he the courage to admit that he has never been just someone for him to feed on. he was convinced flowers loved him, for at his death they mourned – the flowers akemi kept in his home welted, some died within hours of caleb’s supposed death. and why, when they never met him? why, when he never sang to them?

perhaps because akemi’s heart welted too.

† † †

he would take it all, all the pain and the guilt – with the sharp object that was under his chin. he wanted to fall prey to his desire to die, and even though it was tempting, he was already dead. has been for a long time – and most believe his heart ran cold, including caleb. especially caleb. it would not matter if the entire world saw him as a monster – it was all meaningless to akemi. but if he saw akemi as one, he knew he was one. he was forced to turn his love into hate, his doubt into strength. because he would not be a leader if he would let some infant vampire boss him around. akemi touched the sharp object with the tip of his fingers. the stake pierced his fingertips, but he did not mind that he started bleeding. his other hand reached for the pendant, but he did not touch it. he was confused by it, and somewhat surprised caleb was not rolling on the ground in excruciating pain from wearing it.

then he looked at him again. he grabbed his wrist to keep the weapon away from his face, and lowered it with quite some strength. he would never admit that caleb was strong out loud, but he certainly acknowledged it. of course he would be – he just decapitated a handful of vampires by himself. still, caleb was an anomaly. one that akemi wanted to study in more than one way. against his better judgement, and perhaps against what was expected of him, akemi touched him. he dragged his fresh blood over caleb’s lips, grabbing his chin to have some control over his ‘creation’, as he wishes to be called. he was not wrong, and akemi certainly preferred creation over child – he despised every vampire who named their bitten humans ‘children’.

there were many thoughts running through his mind, thoughts he would rather keep to himself. but there was one that kept coming back – spider lily. he was one, in all his aggression – beautiful, always looking towards the sky, caring for nobody but its own being. and maybe he will be that one flower on akemi’s grave – or that one flower he will braid in his hair. whichever it was, he wanted to keep him by his side to find out. “that sounds oddly romantic,” so did akemi’s voice. perhaps he was a little lost in those peaceful thoughts – he had to pull himself together. he tightened his grip, pulling caleb closer by his chin. he felt the sharp object touch his skin, maybe the stake pierced his skin a bit. it was so close to kill him, yet so far. because akemi’s hold on caleb’s wrist did not loosen, he will not let his guard down.

“I am looking,” akemi’s voice lowered, he heard the hisses in the background. caleb very much disrespected these vampires’ leader, and they did not take it too lightly. “I did not intend to kill you, caleb,” he spoke his name in a different tone, he forced himself not to. vampires could get overwhelmed too – it happened more often than they liked to admit. there were many things akemi wanted to tell him, many things he never told to anyone. his tongue and throat burnt – you are my best creation, he wanted to say. but he did not. “but if you insist on attacking me and my nest, I feel much obliged to restrain you,” akemi pushed him and put some distance between them. he gestured in the air, and five vampires stepped forward from the shadows. they were big, and definitely strong. “put him in iron chains, he is strong. give him a dose of snake venom, it should keep him calm for a few hours. I will talk more to him when he is not holding a weapon against my throat,” he turned his back at caleb, because he could not stand looking at him for too long. he felt overwhelmed with all those feelings he fought to repressed for decades. he did not like being out of control – naturally, he had to enforce control.

「 lèvres sanglantes 」

[pxgos]

» unpaintable

akemi’s eyes fell on the wilting rose on his desk. he sank it in blood, it was once white but now it captured some of the blood it consumed. much like vampires themselves – at least new ones – their innocence tainted by the irony taste on their lips. it was a thrill none of them forgot – the first time they drank blood. he still remembered his first – he too was wilting like the rose. born in a impervious state of war and upheaval, he has never found peace – not amongst the corpses under the bridge, or the ashes of his home. his family was poor, they had nothing – their eight children were starving, he was starving, he has always been starving. he was their bastard, a mistake his father has made. akemi belonged to a different bloodline, and they made sure to remind him of it.

first time; he was bitten during the night – he never saw the one who did it, because his father killed the vampire and threw him in the ocean before akemi could recognise him. he thought it was someone paid by the ones who wanted his entire family dead, his assumption was correct. he was eighteen – eighteen, bitten, alone. the next day, their home caught flames. and he had to fight off a fever, and choke on his own blood. he found himself under a bridge, where many have died – nobody cared enough to collect them. first time; he saw her. a beautiful white rose, tainted by his red. because he could not fight his hunger, he could not be gentle. amidst the war, he created another war – one that he still carried with him.

fire – one of his fears. not because he was a vampire, but because he has lost everything he has ever known to a force beyond his control. it was a fear nobody knew of – they assumed he was weary around fire because all vampires were. but there was more to him, much more – and they all misunderstood him. he learnt to live with the thought that they will always see him as a heartless monster – he was certain caleb saw him as one. caleb was a white rose once too, and now he was wilting. from all the anger he felt, the anger that was so strong it unsettled akemi. he felt it, it was a part of caleb – it was in his growl.

his staff has insisted on keeping him in a hidden chamber, one that caleb will never find no matter to which extremes he goes. akemi expected him to come, he has waited for him. and he knew he will not be silent. akemi took all new vampires he created under his protection, it was the reason he made them – to worship him, stay loyal to him, serve him. but caleb? caleb was not supposed to be alive – and even if akemi was glad he was, the forty so years of neglect had a say in how the new vampire experiences the world. akemi recognised a little bit of himself in caleb – when he stormed inside the throne room to kill the queen, the one who ordered the fire. or when he took her daughter and made her one of his kind, or when he cursed the entire royal line amidst a terrible war.

caleb had that potential. akemi was not scared of him, but he was weary of what he could do were his power not contained. caleb was smart and resourceful – smart enough to get under akemi’s skin, and make akemi protect him when a swarm of vampires wanted to devour him. ‘leave him for later’, akemi told them. he wanted to say leave him to me, he said it in his mind over and over again. he regretted not being able to save him, centuries of experience should have taught him better. he could not begin to imagine the hatred caleb felt for him – but he could feel some of it.

† † †

what was it about his eyes that kept him on edge? perhaps it was his sincerity, his coldness, his hatred for a kind he did not understand. he tried to fool akemi, he did not manage to. but akemi let him believe he did, he pretended he did not know caleb was out to uncover the elite vampires. the vampires were weary of the presence of a human inside their safe place, and even if he was a ‘willing victim’, there was something about him that did not sit right with them. he had no fear, no hesitation – akemi thought he was plain silly for not feeling scared, he learnt that his courage was what made him so painfully human.

his eyes carried the light of life – that blooming white rose akemi saw in many humans before. the will to live, to fight, to exist. it was a light he has lost a long time ago – but with him, it felt as though he could recover some of it. he did not show it, did not say it – akemi’s behaviour was unchanged in front of him, the same cold and sensual being he was with all humans. but caleb was different – and perhaps he regretted not letting him know. how could he say it? centuries of holding his tongue in front of such mortals, of showing no kindness or remorse – it was a difficult craft to learn, difficult to learn how to be human again. but maybe, caleb taught him some of it – unwillingly, of course.

and when he died, he watched the rose fall to the ground – it was still blooming even in its tainted form. it was raining, pouring over the bodies. for the first time in a long while, akemi hated the colour red. hated that caleb looked like a mangled animal, hated the blood that fell down his chin – hated how he could not bite back his hunger and desire. it was the downfall of being a vampire – impulse control was nearly inexistent. it took centuries for him to learn how to control himself, and even so, he lost it sometimes. as cold as vampires looked, they felt too much. sadness felt like grief – watching him die felt like the worst pain he has ever experienced.

and then, he went numb.

† † †

akemi stepped into the dim-lit hallway to watch him. he carried a lifeless corpse, dragging blood inside akemi’s den. it was a declaration of war, anarchy if you will – no vampire has ever disrespected akemi the way caleb dared. and his people knew that, they waited for akemi to rip this mindless hunter to shreds. a vampire who hunted his own kind – if vampires were to believe in religion, they would call it a blasphemy. akemi wanted to be alone with him, but there were others lurking in the shadows, ready to pounce if caleb tried to kill their leader. it was the disadvantage of attacking someone in their own home – this was akemi’s place, which meant caleb will be forced to play by his own rules.

“I see you allowed yourself in, caleb,” akemi’s voice was calm, steady, calculated. he stepped closer, into the light. he was not scared, he had no reason to be. there were other emotions that overwhelmed him – but fear was not one of them. there were hisses in the background, akemi raised his hand to hold off those shadows that were lurking. he stepped even closer, daring. “you could have sent a letter. I would have welcomed you with a proper meal, not with security. you could have been a guest, you know,” he moved even closer, close enough to look at him properly. there was not much distance between them now. yes, he saw the weapon in caleb’s hand. maybe a part of him wanted caleb to kill him, it was better than living with guilt. “you made a mess, caleb. I sure hope you have a proper explanation for your actions.”

「 lèvres sanglantes 」

[pxgos]

⤷ @meikosflower ⤷ heaven’s on fire by kiss (the song in the car)

the lingering presence of yuta’s lips set in the room once he left with boreas. theo could feel his heart in his throat, in his ears – pounding insanely. it was an intensity he has not felt before, one that only yuta could bring out of him, out of them. he tried to recall if he has ever felt this wanted, and this safe. he did not feel such intensity with his ex, nor such emotion that yuta gave him with one single glance. theo breathed out, it was difficult to find oxygen in the room. he heard the pipes rattling, and he knew he had to calm his heart less he wanted the entire apartment to explode and flood the entire building. he was smiling unconsciously, touching his lips softly to keep the feeling for longer, to keep feeling him for longer. sometimes he hated how much of a romantic he was. maybe he should scream into a pillow and call it a day. but instead, he decided to rest. he listened to his heartbeat until he fell asleep.

boreas was not stupid. he felt the intensity that was hanging in the air, and it was a feeling that he did not think yuta would ever emit. he was as aggressive as ever, perhaps even dismissive – boreas could tell he hit a nerve by taking theo away from him. but if anything, yuta should thank him. had he not done that, he would not have had the courage to be protective over theo. boreas did not know what went down inside the room, but he had his suspicions. maybe yuta’s slightly red cheeks and swollen lips told him a little too much. he did not tease though, he had no mood to get into a fight. he had his own thoughts to battle, especially after seeing his old flame.

days passed faster now, and theo made sure he researched enough for them to organise a road trip. he found the cave where hephaestus’ weapon should be located, boreas was not too helpful. theo reckoned it was not just because he wanted to tease him and yuta, he figured boreas did not wish to betray hephaestus. theo thought it was rather considerate, but he knew yuta did not find the situation optimal. yuta did not leave theo’s side – it was difficult for theo to go to the bathroom unattended, because yuta insisted they should be together at all times. theo thought it was sweet, even if at times it was rather inconvenient. there was no way something will suck him into the toilet. but he respected yuta’s worry, so he followed him even if it was rather absurd.

theo got touchier, and he was glad that yuta did not reject his touches. he did not straight up go for another kiss, he figured it might drive yuta away. he waited patiently for yuta to be the one to kiss him, it was the only way he could assure himself that their first kiss was not just an impulsive thought, but that it actually meant more. boreas annoyed them less, but still annoyed them. theo was glad boreas resorted to flirting from a distance, he did not touch theo anymore – perhaps he sensed the intense physical bond that has formed after he snatched theo away. in less than two weeks, theo managed to plan a road trip for them. he let yuta do all the physical work, and gave boreas little to do so he does not sabotage them. theo was the one who packed food, clothes and his research.

when they got inside yuta’s car (now cleaned and organised thanks to theo), a realisation hit him. theo remembered their mission, the one that was so easy to forget with how lovely and peaceful things have been. theo felt odd to know that this might all have been a dream. that when he woke up, yuta will not be there anymore. because once their mission was over, theo had no certainty yuta will still want to be with him. it saddened him, but he tried to focus on the mission for the sake of finalising it. boreas was in the backseat, yapping about some random things. theo held the map, he decided it was best to have some physical copy of the road just in case his mobile data failed them. he looked at yuta, and sensed he was rather tensed – maybe because he was annoyed at boreas, or because he too realised they were getting closer to their goal.

“alright, so it should take us about five days of driving to get to the location. of course, we have to take breaks and camp a few times. it is almost summer, so weather should be fine. it means we will be on the road for almost two weeks,” theo explained, it was almost the end of may. yes, his birthday will be caught on the road. he realised that when he planned their trip, but he could care less. he wanted to spent his birthday with yuta, and he guessed that having boreas around will not be that bad. he did not know if yuta remembered his birthday, theo mentioned it before. he mentioned it to boreas too, a long time ago. at any rate, he knew he wanted to treat them with good food, one only turns twenty-one once.

“I can drive too, you know?” boreas said, and theo turned to look at him. he knew that yuta would not like having anyone touch his car, he barely let theo touch it. theo had to insist that they had to change drivers once in a while, so theo will eventually take the wheel to help yuta out. he did not think yuta will agree to let boreas drive, especially because that meant taking his cuffs off.

“we will deal with it. besides, a slower trip is advised. we are passing by the ocean and some rivers, I could ask some creatures about my father’s location. the farther away he is, the better. it means we can gather our strength before facing him,” theo explained and looked at yuta. he was somewhat glad the red-haired demigod listened to him to some extent. theo was the planner, that much has been established ever since they met. theo pressed a button to play a song – only to be startled. the volume, as well as the intensity of the song made him cover his ears.

“OH HELL YEAH! IT’S ON!” boreas cheered, and started humming the song and the lyrics, even mimicking a guitar in the air. it took theo a second to figure out what was going on, he looked at yuta confused, but then he started laughing. boreas’ reaction was too funny to ignore. he looked like a cool grandpa, and acted like one too.

「 just as fire and ice 」

[pxgos]

» @xiris​ » eyes for you

there was nothing more satisfying than watching blood roll down a clean window – accompanied by street lights, screams, and car crash noises. the chaos they have created, one he observed coldly but satisfied, was intense. hair tied back, blood dripping down his pale cheeks, wine glass in hand. he stepped over a dead body casually, fixing his clothes as he approached a trembling man on the street. he turned the street into his personal playground, just to show the rest of the vampires this is not a game. the man on the ground had a wooden stake in his weak hands, his eyes closed – he was praying. akemi rolled his eyes, kicking the man’s shoulder with his foot to make him move from his spot. three other vampires gathered around, smirk on their lips, teeth showing. they were hungry, always so hungry.

“devil,” the man muttered, akemi was not impressed. he tipped his glass over and let the wine fall on the man’s head, he only cared that he wasted perfectly fine wine to teach a meaningless creature a ‘lesson’. he grabbed the stake and gave it to one of his vampires, his eyes still on the trembling man.

“look at me,” it was a command, his voice was cold and detached. the other vampires got a little uncomfortable, they were scared of him, as much as this trembling man was. the man looked up, the vampire pressed his foot against his shoulder so hard it almost broke. “I do not take betrayal lightly. I am sure you know that by now,” he spoke with the same tone, the man fell over pleading. he tried to escape, but it was in vain.

“I won’t do it again, I won’t I swear,” the man tried to bargain his way out, but he already knew second chances were not permitted. akemi approached him, standing tall, proud and handsome – there was real malice hiding behind his rather delicate features. “please, I-I-I can do b-better!” he tried, but the vampire’s face did not change.

“what a waste of time,” akemi sighed, and grabbed the stake from the vampire he handed it to earlier. he casually sank it into the man’s stomach, watching him crouch over in pain, coughing out blood as he did so. the scent of fresh blood made the other vampires hiss. “you broke my heart,” it was a rather dramatic statement. akemi liked to make fun of everyone he felt was inferior to him. and even if this particular trait was rather charming, in this situation it was just cruel.

“you don’t have a heart,” the man’s last courage spilled out, he trembled more and prayed again. the vampire smirked at him with a pretended sympathy, fishing out a lighter out of his pocket. vampires did not like fire, but neither did humans. and whilst vampires might survive being burned alive, humans could never.

“oh I do,” he answered, playing with the lighter. his fangs caught some of the fire’s light, they looked sharp and ready to rip the poor man open. “you know what happens when you break a vampire’s heart?” he continued, setting the stake on fire. it started to burn, very slowly. he stepped away to avoid the fire, and so did the other vampires. the man started screaming, he caught fire fast but burnt slowly. “they eat yours instead,” he said, and threw a bucket of water over the flailing man. the fire died down, but the man was done for. akemi turned around on his heels, and let his crew have their well-deserved meal. the screams were comforting, the revenge has been served.

† † †

it was forty or so years ago, a violent night just like this one. a younger, but still old, akemi roamed the streets, punishing those who dared step too close, or who dared betray him. one would think centuries of being alive would make one wiser – but, despite being a vampire, he was still human at his core. humans never learn, never grow wiser – no matter how much advantage they have in life. if one were to write a book about all the times akemi has read a person wrong, they will certainly have a successful career. it was the pretty little things that managed to get under his skin, he has always been weak for a pretty face. maybe because any young person reminded him of who he used to be – a simple boy, who was born in the wrong family. sometimes he wished he would go back to that place of peace. to his past self, the one who was supposed to die a long time ago.

akemi’s will to die subsided over the centuries, because he figured out how to live. it was, however, not gone. akemi learnt to live like the monster and bloodsucker he was. he told himself he was bad so many times he started to believe it. he made a life for himself, even if he did not want it most of the times. he was not taking any chances, he did not let anyone tell him what to do, and most important of all, he did not let pesky humans meddle in his affairs. he chose his victims wisely, those people nobody would miss, those people who were likely to disappear. that way, he could stay undercover and continue consuming fresh blood without starting a riot.

the vampire community was growing substantially, more and more common vampires started cursing humans. the elite knew better than to turn those they did not see fit for their cause – but there was just so much they could do about reckless common vampires. a lot of responsibility fell on akemi and those like him – the princes of the underground ring, the oldest vampires that had some royal blood running through their veins. but unlike the others, akemi has always been a little childish, a little too eager to solve everything with violence and less diplomacy. it made him the most feared, but also the most hated amongst his kind. and even if they hated him, there was something about him that made him likeable to most. maybe because when nobody was looking, he was still human.

fast-forward to a rainy may day, akemi saw him waiting outside the club. he smelled his fear, he noticed his hesitation, he doubted he wanted to be there. no human was foolish enough to venture in such place unless they wanted to get killed. akemi was running short on humans in his circle, there were just so many times one could use up a human before it was drained of blood. the human had the built for prey: young, fit, and naïve. akemi approached him for what he hoped was the first and last time – because in a few hours he would have him lifeless in his arms, no matter how much he liked his eyes or his stupid bravado. he promised himself that, he had to believe it.

† † †

“master,” akemi was startled awake by one of his trustworthy vampires, one of the few vampires who was allowed in his chambers in case of emergency. akemi rubbed his temples, sighing under his breath. he wanted a day off, it was not too much to ask. for someone like him, time did not exist. yet, most vampires insisted on keeping up with the human construct of time.

“it better be important,” akemi looked at the vampire who entered. the vampire was nervous, he was akemi’s latest addition to the inner circle – a young, yet unexperienced boy. akemi did not want to admit that the only reason he allowed the boy to be there was because he had a cute arse. it was unprofessional, but he could care less.

“yes, yes it is,” the boy said and placed some photographs on akemi’s desk. he looked at the pictures and frowned a bit, trying to figure out what he was supposed to notice. “uhm, elli said that you met this vampire before. he’s been causing some trouble lately,” the boy explained, and looked at akemi, almost biting his tongue off when he met that stern gaze. “she said his name is caleb.”

“impossible,” akemi answered simply, but he looked at the pictures again. he did not want to betray a flicker of surprise, he did not want to betray any emotion at all. he sighed a bit and tried to recall his eyes. they were not visible in these pictures, but they were engraved on his mind, those pretty lifeless eyes. he was dead, akemi laid him down personally. he closed his eyes, he still remembers how it felt like. but he did not collect his body, he did not burn it, he let others deal with it. it was simply too much for him. his anger was rising, he took a deep breath.

“uhm, what do we do?” the boy asked, akemi looked as though he will exterminate every single person in sight. the boy stepped back, and bowed respectfully. he decided it was best to leave akemi alone, it was a wise choice. akemi looked at the pictures again, tracing them with his fingertips.

caleb.

there was a note of melancholy in his eyes, one that nobody but his pet bat noticed. he could not believe it has worked, and he could not believe caleb managed to stay hidden for so long. akemi thought he would have felt him, but alas he knew fair well he closed that door the moment he thought caleb was dead. he inspected the photographs, he was close. sooner or later, caleb will find him. and akemi will be ready.

「 lèvres sanglantes 」

[pxgos]

「 lèvres sanglantes 」

[pxgos]

「 just as fire and ice 」