pwclark

[pwclark]

Namjoon???

*gasp* PERRY THE NAMJOON?!

[pwclark]

Icarus

Perhaps they have gotten the myth wrong. Maybe the sun didn’t ruin Icarus’ wings, perhaps he didn’t fall out of foolishness

It wasn’t a mistake

Icarus had been trapped in a labyrinth for years with only glimpses of the sun

Perhaps he knew he knew his wings would never make it,

but the sun called to him every day. His only source of light. Of hope.

He saw the sun, went towards it. Realized it could never be reached. But saw it, felt it, was warmed by it. And with his dreams achieved what else could come next? Knowing he could never fully grasp it. Knowing it would follow him no matter where he went for the rest of his life the sun would be there. Taunting him with unobtainability Beaming down on him. Warming him, burning him, leaving scars and marks for life.

So he dove

Plummeted

Soaring in free fall with only one thought left and that was he would escape the sun.

The sun does not shine in the sea

It does not reach that deep

Better to be in the bottom of the ocean, then on land with the constant watchful eye of the sun.

Icarus shouldn’t have been warned about flying too close to the sun, but rather ever wishing for it in the first place.

Icarus was not a fool, but we have all been fooled by Icarus.

[pwclark]

My Choice

Bucky Barnes x reader (post Endgame)

Y/N and Bucky handle the aftermath of Steve leaving to return to Peggy.

Warnings: anger, language

——————————————————————————

Something was wrong.

Bruce had returned to the compound in alarming silence, carrying his equipment alone. I knew what had happened as soon as I saw it. The brown bag slung over Sam’s shoulder. My heart clenched.

How could he? Of course I knew why, I just couldn’t believe he’d actually done it. Suddenly fear krept up my throat. What if... It was quickly forgotten as Bucky walked through the door. His head hung low and his brow was pulled together deep in thought. The pain of loss etched into every angle of his face. I couldn’t stop the anger that began to boil inside of me.

“Steve, uh. Steve’s gone.” Bucky mumbled barely raising his head. His eyes dare not drift from the speck of lint on the blue carpet. I couldn’t stand the sight of his saddened face anymore. Without a word I turned and stomped to the gym, my nails digging into my palms.

It has been about 2 hours since the boys returned sans one Rogers. My knuckles are bruised from the rage filled punches I have been throwing at the swinging bags. Every punch is harder than the last as my arms begin to feel like jelly. With a final sad jab to the bag I flop down to the mats and stare at the white tiled ceiling. My head spins with thoughts. Hurt. Betrayal. Confusion. Sadness. No single emotion sticks out and I close my eyes to silence the storm. A shower- I need a shower. As I stand to head to the locker room, Sam opens the door.

“Hey” he takes a seat at the bench.

“Hi.”

“I figured I’d find you here. Tin man told me you left all pissy.” He looks at me expectedly. My knuckles are starting to throb now. All I can focus on are my shoe laces. “So that’s it then. You’re not going to talk?��

“What do you want me to say Wilson?” I look at him now, throwing my hands in the air.

“Well for starters you can tell me why you’re-“

“You know damn well why.” I snap. I’m stopped from turning away by Sam’s hand gently grabbing my wrist.

“C’mon Y/N, you can’t honestly tell me you’re surprised. We saw this coming a mile away.” He had a point. The thought had crossed my mind atleast once before today. But I never expected him to actually do it.

“He had a chance to go back. To go home.”

“He was home Sam. We were his home, his friends.”

“I know but-“

“No. You don’t get it.” I can’t help but laugh bitterly “I suppose you’re just happy he’s gone. Don’t think I didn’t notice that fancy toy you brought back with you. So what you’re the new captain america now? Geez Wilson”

“Hey woah. That’s enough. I know you’re hurt. Believe me I am too, really I am, but I’m not the one to start blaming.” Sam’s tone is gentle but firm. I sigh and take a seat on the bench next to him.

“Yeah I know I’m sorry. I’m not sure why I’m even acting so angry. I’m personally not that hurt. For us it’s not so bad. We and Steve were close, but I get why he did it. But for him to do this to Bucky. I can’t forgive him for that Sam. How can he just throw away everything they had? Did the last seven years mean nothing? I mean he went from fighting his own comrades for Buck to leaving him without even a heads up??? How could he possibly do that?!” As I talk my anger grows. It only intensifies as I hear the man beside me laugh.

“Oh man. You really like him don’t you?” I blush. After being recruited to the team a few years back, Barnes and I grew close and I developed a crush on him. In order to save myself the embarrassment I hid it as best I could. Between the late night talks, recon missions, and lazy days off my crush had grown into serious feelings for the sargent. It was awful when I lost him in the snap. I thought I’d never see him again. I turned to Steve for comfort during that time. He knew how much Bucky meant to me. When I saw him after five years, I swore my heart was going to burst. Yet still these feelings had never been addressed out loud.

“Oh come on it’s not like it was a secret. We all practically knew you had feelings for the guy.” I shrug might as well tell someone now.

“Yes. I do. I suppose that has something to do with my pissy attitude.”

“You should talk to him.”

“Maybe. But right now I need a shower and sleep. I’ll see you tomorrow Wilson and hey, I’m sorry. For what it’s worth I think Steve made the right choice. You’ll be a great Captain. I’m just not sure I’m ready to see a different face behind the shield yet.” He nods with a soft smile on his lips. He leaves as I head to the showers.

I lay in bed trying to force my mind to sleep. Every muscle in my body is exhausted but my brain cannot rest. As I try to fathom the fact that I will never see Steve again tears fall down my face. As pain siezes my chest, I can only think of how much harder it must be for Bucky right now. Oh Buck, I’m so sorry.

(Bucky’s POV)

It hurt like hell. I gave up on sleep hours ago, and instead let my mind wonder to the painful memory of this morning. The look on her face. Her brokenness and anger. It just about killed me. She ran off and I didn’t see her for the rest of the night. I thought about trying to go talk to her, but I didnt think I could face seeing her so upset again. So I ate a few things and then came to my room.

Steve leaving had been hard. But I wasn’t shocked in the slightest. I got to say goodbye, and that was it. The walk back to the compound was quiet. My stomach felt uneasy as I tried to face the fact I’d have to tell Y/N. It had been hard knowing the pain she went through during the - what did the kid call it oh yeah- during the blip. But now this. This would destroy her, and the thought of her pain alone made me sick to my stomach.

I give up on sleep, and I make my way to the kitchen. I open the fridge door and idly scan the shelves. I hear the floorboard creek and turn to see her standing there in her black cotton shorts and Central Park zoo T-shirt-specifically bought 2 sizes to big for sleeping. Finally my eyes make it to her face and- She’s been crying. The end of her nose is pink, and her eyes are still glossy. Son of a bitch. The sight almost makes my knees buckle and my stomach turn. I have known Steve all of my life. On many occasions I’ve stepped in to save him from the messes he got himself into, but right now in this moment I could kill him. I could never forgive him for the pain he brought to the beautiful girl in front of me.

(Reader’s POV)

Bucky’s eyes hold mine for a second until I look away at the empty space in the dark room.

“Can’t sleep?” I ask in a shaky voice. I miss the small step he takes forward as if to reach out to me.

“Nope, and I take it you can’t either.” He pauses for a moment before he grabs two glasses, the milk and a package of cookies. “C’mere.” I follow him to the couch that faces the floor to ceiling windows and sit down. He hands me a blanket and I wrap it around my shoulders. A small smile dances on my lips as he sits beside me and pours the milk for each of us.

“Thank you.” I say as I take my cup form him. For a while we eat our cookies in silence. I stare out the large windows at the stars shining outside the compound. I can feel his eyes on me. His emotions roll off of him in waves. Hurt and anger.

“You have every right to be angry at him.” I say turning to catch him give a puzzled look before turning his pensive gaze to the crumbs on the table. His eyes meet mine again before he asks,

“Why do you think I’m angry?”

“I know you well enough by now to know when you’re angry James.” I say. His mouth turns up into a smile at the mention of his real name. “He deserves every ounce of your anger for leaving.”

“Well you’re right I am upset, but it’s not for my sake. I’ll miss him, but I understand why this is how things had to be.” I search his eyes for answers as he chooses his next words. “Those tear stains on your cheeks should never have had to happen, though. I hate to see you hurt like this.”

I shake my head at his words. Of course Bucky would be thinking of others even while going through this great loss. “He left you Buck. After all you all have been threw. After everything he did to bring you back and then he leaves you. Just after you get back from.....” I trail off and a shiver rubs up my spine. “He betrayed your friendship. With no warning. How could you not be upset.”

The metal in his arm whirs as he fiddled with his fingers.

“He told me he was going to do it.”

“What?”

“A few days ago. He came to my room and wanted my advice. He talked about how he never adjusted to this life. How he longed to be back in his own time. With her. He saw her, ya know? When he went for the stone. And he couldn’t stand to stay when he knew he could have her.” He continues his story as I sit with my mouth hung open in shock.

“He still shouldn’t have left you behind. I’m sure you are longing to get back to your time too. You could’ve gone. He’s not the only one that was lost in the 40s. How selfish could he be to leave you here like that.” I turn to face him completely on the couch. He is staring at the stars again now when he tightens his lips and shakes his head.

“He offered.”

I stared at him in awe. The anger inside me suddenly deflated.

“He wanted me to go with him. But I chose to stay. Y/N he didn’t abandon me it was my choice.” He glances at me, then turns to face me as well.

“Steve never really left the past. Not completely. But I’ve been modernized wether I chose it or not. There’s no place for a metal armed war vet like me there. I’d be an outcast and even more of a freak.”

“Oh don’t say that. You’re not a freak.” I reach and grab his hand. His thumb rubs the back of my hand.

“But th-that’s not the main reason I stayed.” I wait patiently with his hand in mine for him to continue. He takes a deep breath to calm himself before he looks into my eyes. His beautiful eyes. I get lost in them searching for any possible clue. I see his nervousness, and something more. Something familiar that I can’t quite place.

“It’s you.” Tears begin to fill my eyes as the soldier in front of me pulls my hands up to his mouth to kiss each one. “Steve found the love of his life at the beginning of the war. Fate ripped them apart and he found a chance to go back to her. So he took it. But I don’t have to go back. I found mine right here, doll. So I’m staying” he looks at me with one of his classic Sargent Barnes grins. My heart leaps out of my chest and butterflies flutter in my stomach. I grab his face and crash my lips onto his. We pull away breathless as our foreheads rest together. “I don’t want to be in any other time or place if it’s not with you.”

“James Buchanan Barnes, you never cease to amaze me.” I giggle as he wraps his arms around me. We sit there in each other’s embrace watching the stars.

As my eyes start to close he leans down to plant a kiss on the top of my head.

“This. This was my choice.”