putanginanaman

[putanginanaman]

MY BROTHER IN CHRIST

WHAT THE FUCK. YOU ARE IN THE MOST UNHEALTHY OF SHITS I CANT EVEN FORM THE RIGHT WORDS FOR THIS

I'm glad I don't talk to them much anymore considering what happened earlier this year and my past experiences, although this is primarily self-induced and on my part

Now I'm already happy with whoever wants to keep me around and I'm glad I've gotten so much better at handling these albeit only internally

I wish them the best but I don't think I want to be closer friends with them in the future :)

i don't mind getting stepped on

use me as a doormat

until i say so myself, you can use me however you like /nsx

i should really get used to people drifting away from me because of the hundred feet walls that are a meter thick teflon that i put up

oomf unfollowing me on priv is fine, i don't deserve anything after all

if everyone leaves it's fine, it has been long coming

i'm a shitty person anyways

[putanginanaman]

tru things r so much better during f2f classes though I have to note that it does have its own downsides

I hate online classes

I miss face to face classes where I can focus my shit and actually get something done

True I did get better a bit mentally but the payback isn't worth it at all

[putanginanaman]

Now that's a relief

They were just hangin out in the dc like usual pala

Idc if they hate me anymore as long as they are happy :))

[putanginanaman]

dawg i spent the entire morning on tumblr i feel better now it think

give in and let go, was it????

also my art looks so empty here, there's barely anything????? im gonna post more next week ehe

[putanginanaman]

BRO,,,,,,

THE SHIT THAT'S BEEN HAPPENING TO ME

ARE SIGNS OF ADHD APPARENTLY

HOLEY SHIT

[putanginanaman]

WAIT GAGO,,,, MAYBE I'M ROMANTICIZING MENTAL ILLNESS

BC OF THE SHIT I SAY

OK WAIT

[putanginanaman]

when the mental illness hits

[putanginanaman]

[putanginanaman]

[putanginanaman]

ah im hearing first love/late spring clearly again

it's been so long :_) this is how you know the cut runs deep

[putanginanaman]

me to the 23425345345435th person trying to get closer to me:

sorry for being mentally ill with the worst coping mechanisms bestea <3

[putanginanaman]

i get tunnel visioned for a month and it all ended up into this :))))

maybe that's the reason why enemies to lovers really captivated me

amputa lods whata hell hasdfdsfhdhsfhdfshdfhd

[putanginanaman]

I DON'T WANT ANYONE TO SEE ME BEING WEAK

ALTHOUGH I FREQUENTLY SHOW MY EMOTIONS THERE ARE THINGS THAT RUN DEEP

OR MAYBE I THINK THEY DO BUT THEY'RE ACTUALLY NOT THAT HARD TO UNDERSTAND, IM SUCH A SHITTY PERSON

[putanginanaman]

ya know what, im taking an indefinite break on socials if some people need me, ill be here on tumblr

i can't really afford to drop my shit for this

i don't know how to do anything

i'm such a piece of shit

[putanginanaman]

maybe i am spiraling maybe i am not

i am horrified of asking other people for help i do not like who i am now i dont know if i can change

i just wanna disappear never to be found, instead of losing people because of my inadequacies as a person

[putanginanaman]

i really went and did the impossible

im such a fucking asshole and i don't know how to stop it

[putanginanaman]

no one will be able to get close to me

i do think it's terrifying but then again, it will only hurt the both of us

i am scared of getting closer to anyone

getting nearer means expectations

they expect me to be there for them

i don't even expect me to be there for myself

or do i, maybe im just being an asshole

it has been like this for years

i don't know if i can fix it