pursuit0fhappin3ss

[pursuit0fhappin3ss]

[pursuit0fhappin3ss]

The look on your face when you watched that damn white unmarked vehicle pull up, will forever bring nothing but a tsumani of sadness and tears to my eyes. 'There back' you sighed as I had just picked you up not even 2 hours prior. I didnt understand what you had said to me at first but before i could turn to see the vehicle, It clued in whom you were talking about, I could feel my expression change almost as abruptly as the vehicle door behind me opened and slammed shut. My tired eyes that were once wide now just barly squinting,trying to stop tears from crawling down my face. The half sentance I had started went to nothing but a small sigh and muffledness. Before I could even think, Hell, I blinked and you were walking away, I just stared blankly at you for a few moments. My jaw dropped as I never expected for you to run. However you did and boy oh boy did you ever run fast. By the time the officer got in his vehicle to chase you, You had already made it half way down the feild. Once i heard the cop peel away it took me a moment to process what had all just happened but the only thing i could comprehend was 'how can they have the right or the power to just take our right of being with one another away' I hopped in my bright blue F150 and reverse as fast as i could, so i could peel away after you two. When I got down to the bottom of the feild, you were in the vehicle and I was left looking at one of the other ladies on the yard as my eyes filled themselves and I couldnt hold it together anymore. I miss you my love, theyll never be able to keep us apart

[pursuit0fhappin3ss]

It was about 1 month until I was 16 and I remember waking up in a pile of my own sweat. Coughing and wheezing so much it started to hurt to breath. I had started Wripping my clothes off searching for someway to make it easier to do something that had been so effortless just before id fallen asleep. I couldnt talk, yet, I wanted to scream. I remember vividly hearing the garage go up and then down while my dad left for work. Oh god oh god I had to find my phone. I threw blankets up in the air, but it became so exhausting with such small breathes. I still searched for my phone. I became helpless at least I remember feeling like it. I sat there in complete awh as I didn’t know what to do, I just knew I was sick l, and really sick. It took whatever I had in me to turned on my fan in hopes that maybe that would help. I began to feel more and more defeated I didnt know what to do. my eyes search and searched started to fill with tear, I tried to calm myself down by inhaling as slow as humanly possible, I happened to looked over and oh fuck there it was, my phone. I grabbed it and as fast as I could called my dad. It rang and he answered."I" inhaled & exhaled "dont" again more breathes "feel" 2 more breaths "good" inhales exhales. He was already 45 minutes away he couldnt turn around. I told him it was okay that I was okay. After we hung up I called my mom and told her she needed to come get me right now. Something was wrong I explained in complete and utter disraught and painc , I didnt know what was happening to me I was scared. Luckily she only lived a few blocks away but When she got to my dads I couldnt barley get up, so she came into the house ran to my room, helped me get dressed slowly. By this point I was so sick and had lost so much oxygen I couldnt barley open my eyes. My older brother who ended up being home had carried me to her car. The entire way to the hospital I rememeber trying to look around but being so exhausted I just couldnt bring myself to do it. How far are we? I asked with breaths of air that inbeween so distant and shallow. It hurts so bad, I didnt know what to do. Finally we made it to the hospital, I couldnt get out and walk on my own so my mom rush frantically and grabbed a wheelcahir and thrown me into. As I entered the doors It was like a falwk of geese attacking me all at once. Things were being attached to me left right and centre I answered what I was asked in one word answer but couldnt say anything more. I could hear the doctor talking to my mom, I should have been taking in so much earlier, He was getting mad at her. I felt bad, I didnt know either, It was my fault too id never be sick before how were we supposed to know what to do. When they attached the c-pap machine to me it was like sticking your head out of a moving truck and being rushed with air. I remember after that as I was falling asleep doctors uopn doctors surrounding me. I woke up a few times but slept most of that next week. They diagnosed me two years later when I had turned 18. Still to this day im in disbelief. I never thought this would happen to me I went from watching it in a commercial to this being my new reality.

[pursuit0fhappin3ss]

Dad

My dad wants whats best for me, but he doesnt love me if you know what I mean? He wants me to succeed but he wont give me the time of day if thats not what he sees. Id done everything hed wanted of me to show him he could be proud but thats not what he claims to precieve. I followed every rule hed give me until i was in my late teens, a dad is supposed to help you back not turn his back and pretend he didnt know what happened. I shouldnt have to had begged for my dads attention so, I pushed you away as a test, which meant we talked less and less, when id confronted you about it. All you did was argue "its a two way street" So I turned around and put just as much effort as you and well dad now cant you see. We havent talked since, ive come to realize that at my best, im my fathers daughter. Otherwise, he couldnt be bothered. he doesnt love me, he loves the idea of the perfect daughter and the praise hed recieve.

[pursuit0fhappin3ss]

[pursuit0fhappin3ss]

I still think about you a lot but not in the heartbreaking, head turning, bed tossing, aching kind of way. It’s more of an acceptance, a closure - where we happened and it was real for a moment. And now we no longer are. Flowers don’t keep growing. They wither and petals fall, and new ones take their place. Same flower bed, new flowers.

Ming D. Liu (via mingdliu)

[pursuit0fhappin3ss]

“I still think about you a lot but not in the heartbreaking, head turning, bed tossing, aching kind of way. It’s more of an acceptance, a closure - where we happened and it was real for a moment. And now we no longer are. Flowers don’t keep growing. They wither and petals fall, and new ones take their place. Same flower bed, new flowers.”

— Ming D. Liu (via mingdliu)

[pursuit0fhappin3ss]

“i am a hurricane of a girl and i won’t apologize for not being able to fit in the palm of your hand.”

— Body as a Natural Disaster, Angelea Lowes (via angelealowes)

[pursuit0fhappin3ss]

“You broke me into little pieces that I’m still picking up to this very day I may never have been perfect but at least I was still whole With every tear you made me cry I melted away just a little more and my heart now beats so much slower than before The power you held over me still sickens me to my stomach I’ve got to thank you for one thing, though I’ve learned how to not crumble for anyone, anymore.”

— @makingmywaves (via makingmywaves)

[pursuit0fhappin3ss]

“it takes a while for me to open my doors but when i invite you over know that you are now also an owner of my home”

— A Story a Day #102 by bramble-lee (via bramble-lee)