pursuinglifelibertyandhappiness

[pursuinglifelibertyandhappiness]

My Social Media Presence

If you’re reading this, you’re part of the omnipresent reign of social media, and have probably wondered at some point if being SO connected is for the better…or the worse. The antiques who once lived without social media often argue it harms more than it helps, but unfortunately (at least for millennials) the online world feels inescapable. Our choice isn’t social media or no social media, its how much of which ones.

The pressure of social media tormented me when I was first introduced. I had no idea who I wanted to be and couldn’t figure out which of my peers I was supposed to please. I had my family, who only expected pictures of them and cat memes…my friends, who expected bitter commentary and self-deprecating humor…the rest of my school, who expected selfies and proof of how much fun I was having…ex-boyfriends, who expected pictures of other boys posted to make them jealous…my family’s church friends, who expected bible verses and albums of volunteer work…the list goes on. I had my mom forcing me to delete tweets with curse words in them or Instagram pictures where I showed too much skin. I had cousins texting my parents because I joked about a box of condoms on snapchat. I had kids I went to Sunday school with calling me a whore, their parents blaming my upbringing. I found myself for a long time dividing up the medias, for example Twitter is for my friends, Instagram is for my school, Facebook is for my family. I’d block my parents on this one, follow them on the other. I was young (still am) and trying to express versions of my self that I had not figured out how to balance.

Again and again I was plagued by the same question. How do you genuinely exist in a viral world, where the sole purpose is to judge and be judged by others?

Social media goes against every moral I’ve ever been taught. Don’t be yourself. Don’t tell the truth. Keep it superficial. Judge books by their covers.

We feel threatened by people who look happier, healthier, more beautiful, more successful than us, and feel self assured by the promiscuous, poor, embarrassing, less polished people. We so easily compare ourselves to people we do not know. She has perfect skin and tons of designer shoes, we wish we could be so happy. They all have blue eyes and a golden retriever, we wonder where our families went wrong. He has 20,000 followers, we doubt he’s ever felt alone. We think social media allows us to see more, know more, show more, but we know nothing about the people we see on our phone screens. Were failing to meet standards that are likely not real.

Social media sustains a state of jealousy, where you either envy others or want them to envy you.

Social media reinforces a singular "correct" lifestyle, one every one has to live for approval.

Social media removes us from the moment by only valuing memories. Social media is an outlet for hate, for shame, for rejection. Social media is a platform for societal norms, what is ok and not ok to post, what is ok and not ok to BE.

But social media also allows a single voice to be heard by millions. Unlike life, social media gives us control of our reputation. On social media we write our own stories. We paint whatever picture we want the world to see.

At 18, I’ve decided I no longer want to paint 7 different pictures for 7 different crowds, write fictional stories, or censor my personality. I want to be all that I am, all the time. I want to use social media to capture who I am, but also support the break down of standards I have no desire to achieve.

I will not pretend I always have it together, instead I’ll post a four paragraph essay about my mental illness. I do care if your political beliefs attack human rights, so I’ll make sure to retweet all the anti-trump shit I see for the next four years. I don’t believe embracing my sexuality and loving the skin I’m in means I do not respect myself, or value my other qualities any less, and I’ll post as many pictures in bras as I feel empowered to.

If you ask me "Is this how you want the world to see you?" I’ll say absolutely. I’m proud of who I am, how I dress, how I feel, who I date, and everything thats shaped me along the way.

If I hold back myself in fear of the lens others will see me through, I’m only giving power to those lenses.

And if you have the right to judge me by your standards, I have the right to judge me by mine.

[pursuinglifelibertyandhappiness]

A Decision

Embracing where I've been, where I am, and where I want to be

My purpose for writing (and posting) this, as vulnerable as it makes me, is to to hold myself accountable for what I hope to be a successful pursuit of self growth. I've struggled with depression, anxiety/OCD, and mood disorders for a long time, and although I've had periods of my life where I feel I'm fine, I relapse, and for better or for worse it's had a great effect on my perception of my self worth, and a lot of my relationships. I went from not accepting that there was anything wrong, to accepting it, but not recognizing my reactions as abnormal in practicality, to accepting and recognizing, and deeming myself unfit for any kind of healthy love. I'm (finally) learning that acceptance doesn't mean stagnancy.

Being aware of my flaws doesn't mean they are unfixable. It's true that relationships are hard for me, when I'm constantly fighting paranoia and insecurity and my compulsive need to be in control, when hopelessness can override my emotions at any moment, when my first response to any conflict is to run. But that's because relationships are hard, people and emotions are complex, and sometimes even the strongest people struggle to rationalize when their heart is on the line.

It's taken years for me to stop apologizing for things I cannot control, but in some ways I feel like acceptance means I've lost. I've allowed my instability to become me, to control me, and to define me, unapologetically. Although I know better than to blame myself, I'm tired of always blaming these disorders for my regressions. I no longer want new beginnings to scream "take me or leave me." There is a level of understanding I need from others, but I am also unfinished and need to allow that to remain true. I spend so much time wishing for people to lower their expectations of me, but maybe I just need to raise my own expectations. Make promises to work on my faults, and keep them.

For those who will be around and have been, thank you. Your support is endlessly EVERYTHING to me. Through a more mindful self, I hope to move forward, despite my mental illness, and accept all the love and beauty in my life.

[pursuinglifelibertyandhappiness]

Thoughts on Cultural Appropriation

As a suburban-raised white girl, I had little to no understanding of cultural appropriation growing up. When the term became something of discussion, I thought the whole idea was absurd. To me, hair was hair, clothes were clothes, music was music. I grew up in one of the most diverse towns in the country, where any racism present seemed solely internalized, at least from my perspective. For many years I thought racism was dead. I had friends of every ethnicity, and we accepted each others families, traditions, foods, dress… It was all normal to us, our town was not a melting pot but a tossed salad and we never questioned a tomato for not being lettuce. But when issues started arising about Kylie Jenner and Iggy Azalia, around the same time that protests were exploding across the nation regarding Ferguson and Sandra Bland, modern racism and cultural appropriation hit me like a truck.

Where I lived, was RARE. Racism was NOT defeated. And culture was not to be taken lightly in a world where people were still being killed, imprisoned, and humiliated for theirs.

So I read, and watched videos, and chanted around an indifferent community about cultural appropriation. White people with dreads is wrong because black people with dreads are “unprofessional” and “dirty.” White people can’t just take rap music for themselves, because it’s a staple part of black culture and it’s roots come from oppression BY white people. Native American headdresses are symbolic and meaningful, sticking feathers on a headband as costume disregards that, and glamorizes a culture white people have tried to destroy for centuries. Wearing bindis at music festivals is wrong because the significance of bindi’s is not to complete a hipster outfit, they are a religious decorum, and it is not our religion.

Once you get it, you get it. 

 You can’t just take parts of other cultures, glamorize them, and call the look innovative and edgy, especially when people of those cultures TO THIS DAY are being discriminated against for their customs. If its really important to you, take the time to fully understand the custom, and participate in a way that does not steal, glamorize or offend. My Native American Aunt taught me about meditation and spiritual enlightenment through the process of burning incense. I took great interest, and so she bought me her favorite incense for Christmas. I find incense is extremely helpful for my anxiety, and brings me clarity. I don’t think anyone would argue that this is cultural appropriation. I took the time to learn about it, I recognize it as NOT mine, and I am appreciating the practice, not changing it or rebranding it.

It’s simple, right?

Wrong. 

A few months ago I made a mistake. I was watching TV late at night, and as most of my generation does, I find it almost impossible to do anything without simultaneously doing something else. I have to listen to music when I run, I have to eat or drink while I sit and talk, I have to check twitter while I pee. I get bored. As I was catching up on the netflix docu-series “Making a Murder,” I started braiding my hair in tiny braids. By the time I finished the show, my whole head was covered in braids, and unlike many of the beautiful women who rock cornrows, I looked atrocious. Almost instinctively I snapped a pic, and posted it. Minutes later it occurred to me, that this could be problematic. So I responded to my own post with “This might be problematic” as a disclaimer. After being online for ten minutes, I decided it was better to delete the post. But it was too late.

I received hate for weeks because of that picture. I became a racist, a hypocrite.. I was no longer respected for my views, or taken seriously by my socially aware peers.. I felt guilty and ashamed.

But looking back on it now, I do not accept the reaction I got. I am NOT a racist. I did not braid my hair to make fun of women who wear braids, I did not braid my hair to say I “wore braids better,” I did not claim the look as original. I have spent so many hours reading about white privilege and the fundamental causes of discrimination in our society, I’ve backed so many arguments about racism and denial, I’ve fought so hard to expose cultural appropriation itself. I love braids on black women... I’m not racist, and braiding my hair doesn’t discredit that.

So what does that mean? Do I think white people have the right to braid their hair? Is hair just hair? Where do we draw the line?

The issue isn’t simple and neither is the answer.

I realized that in order to better promote change, we need to protest the system that favors white privilege and appropriation, not the appropriators themselves. I don’t mean to defend appropriators, or place blame on cultures that accuse appropriators. Appropriation is wrong, and I still stand by the arguments I made against cultural appropriation. But in most cases, we need to boycott people who stereotype based on cultural customs, or looks in general, not people who want the look for themselves. Telling white people not to braid their hair, or wear certain clothes, or make certain music doesn’t make those stereotypes go away. Unfortunately it even has the potential to alienate those cultures even more. The solution is to expose. Expose the system for it’s flaws and discrimination, expose cultural values and inform of their significance, expose white people who think they’re version of other cultures is more appealing.

We should encourage people to embrace their cultures and be proud of them. We should encourage people to learn about other cultures and respect them. We should encourage people to appreciate other cultural customs without changing their meanings. It’s one thing to eat mexican food, it’s another thing to make a burrito and call yourself creative.

There are boundaries, there are rules, there are lines we cannot cross. As a society we have to be sensitive to others. We need to accept, not assimilate.

It’s okay for us to share cultural customs, it’s not okay for us to REMOVE those customs from their culture.