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thinking of jean hanging up on jeremy first time he called that cracked me up fr best start to a golden ship

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The Kings men, chapter four

Okay i'm literally shaking posting this, i've been working on it for days i lost all objectivity about it.

Someone requested this scene when I asked for recommendations on an older post, so this is tkm chapter four:

"Andrew sprawled on the couch in the lounge while Kevin went ahead to change out. Neil hesitated, changed his mind and started after Kevin, and changed his mind again. He stood behind the couch, folding his arms across the back of it, and peered down at Andrew. Andrew had one arm folded under his head and the other draped over his eyes to block the light. 'One of these days you might as well practice with us,' Neil said."

This scene is so long I had to cut some parts (including the incredible "You let us run ourselves into the ground and clean up behind us. You play the game like you play life. That's why you're so good at it.").

Not to mention Andrew's height fear, one of my all-time favorite aftg quotes ("When you said you were afraid of heights, you were joking, right?" "Andrew, you can't be. What were you doing on the roof?" "Feeling." -tkm ch.5).

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I come back to this bit all the time for a laugh because it’s gotta be up there in the top Neil Misunderstanding The Situation moments. yeah man. faint inconvenience I’m sure

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I still have some legendborn art I never posted cuz I’m shy… so here how I imagined the event at the quarry👉🏽👈🏽

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interesting to me that neil compares kevin's relationship with riko to his relationship with his father when i truly believe it is much more similar to the relationship he had with his mother when she was alive. OKAY GUYS JUST WALK WITH ME FOR A SECOND ALRIGHT HEAR ME OUT. okay so obviously there are some major differences like mary's physical abuse is justified as necessary discipline for neil's continued survival whereas riko's physical abuse of kevin was mainly due to jealousy plus the fact that riko and kevin are the same age does create a much different power dynamic, however if neil is gonna compare riko to his father i think i am allowed to ignore this one. but ANYWAY if u think about the extreme codependency fostered in the nest through the partner system it's very comparable to mary and neil's forced dependency on each other while they're on the run. like kevin and neil are both isolated from society and forced into a situation where there is only one other person they can trust or rely on in the face of external dangers (riko and mary respectively). but the bulk of the comparison comes from the fact that the deals surrounding kevin are Not about keeping riko from physically attacking or kidnapping him (like neil's father does to him) it's about keeping kevin from saying Yes. andrew + neil are working to keep kevin from agreeing to go back and that's why it is fundamentally similar to the abusive situation neil finds himself in with his mother. if mary was alive neil never would've gone back to exy, if she had survived and told him to leave the foxes he would've said yes!! he's been conditioned to rely on her the same way that kevin was conditioned to be riko's second!! neil talks about kevin like he only fears physical repercussions to himself from riko which is true but on a fundamental level kevin and neil are struggling with the same idea which is "i should not be doing this". plus kevin's love/guilt/relief surrounding riko (specifically his death) is like one for one how neil feels about his mother. I'm not really going anywhere with this post i just couldnt stop thinking about mary and neil's relationship and how overlooked it is due to neil's biases.

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Remember this feeling. This is the moment you stop being the rabbit

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One thing that kinda gets me with aftg is how a lot of the time each of the different trauma suffered by each character no matter how much "worse" any character had it than others, they're all somewhat viewed as equal. None of the characters, I feel anyways, tries to "one up" the other with their trauma.

Everyone is given sympathy by Wymack (or the second chance) and the other characters, to a certain degree.

And I just love it so much, because usually in books characters that suffered mental trauma are usually overshadowed by characters who experienced physical trauma. So it's just nice to see that both those different traumas are sympathized with to mostly an equal degree. Especially since a common thing that people who did grow up In a violent home but was not the main focus of the violence hear is "oh but they suffered worse. They got it worse. You don't have a right to complain someone else suffered more".

And it's just like ahhhhhhh Nora you joy you.

It doesn't skip over mental issues and illness as the insignificant suffering of characters, but it genuinely shapes them and their every day life.

It's never a case of suffering more or less than a person, everyone is different and struggles with different things, grew up in different homes and requires different types of support. It's not a one fits all world and aftg I feel really embraces that.

Also I am very aware alot of this isn't strung together very well.

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Alive and uhhhh well at least alive

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a future where january 19th isn't so bad

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neil, while calling kevin a coward: has an entire stalker binder about him and knows every small detail about him and would kill riko for him no questions asked

kevin, while insulting neil's exy skills: he's gonna be a great fucking exy player if its the last thing i do

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im rereading tsc (to prepare for tgr lmao) and i hadn’t noticed this little detail previously but it hit me like a truck this time around

jeremy has the entire backline’s notifications set as a quacking sound. so that means when jean messages him jean’s text also sounds like a duck quacking…

“little Parisian duckling”

Elodie’s dress with the ducks on it…

*rocks back and forth with my head in my hands*

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Kevin is such a fucking drama queen. Fighting Seth and Matt because he demands Neil at midnight. “the next time I come for you, you will follow me” when he could have justsaid ‘hey Neil wanna join extra practice cause you’re the worst player?’

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I saw you talked about Kevjean songs and I wanted to proposition: Partners in Crime by FINNEAS

anon!!! you’re so right oh my god

you said we should get out while we still could!! ah!!!

@cabesswtaer lookk

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i'm crying he's so normal he has no idea there's a mafia bird cult torture facility in west virginia

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I think an important detail ppl forget is that Jeremy likes tall/non gangly men. Which means he likes that Jean is bigger than him lol

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Neil Josten lets Andrew's his cigarettes burn to the filter without taking a drag. He hates vegetables. He knows all the places you can shoot a man without killing him. He doodles fox paws on his homework. He's not scared of knives or violence or the yakuza. He is scared of cellphones and therapists and his own reflection. His favourite colour is gray. He got told he couldn't play exy with a bloody nose so he sniffed back the blood until they let him. He doesn't like movies or loud music. He hitchhiked halfway across South Carolina by pretending to be a sociology student. He gets sad when Kevin watches exy without him. He wishes he had his mother's patience instead of his father's temper. He's brilliant at manipulation. He's stupid on purpose. He was every inch a lie but his friends made him into someone real. He doesn't wear a jacket to the roof when it's cold because he knows Andrew's body heat will keep him warm. He thinks the hardest thing he's ever had to do was opening a tub of ice cream after kissing his boyfriend and not like, all the torture he's been through. Nobody is doing it like him

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just thinking about how much aaron wondered if tilda thought she picked the wrong twin after he found out about andrew.

maybe if she had andrew, she’d stay sober and stock the fridge. maybe andrew would have been a good enough son that she wouldn’t have started hitting.

he was never enough for her and now he finally knows why