puppylovebites

[puppylovebites]

I'm convinced our neurons interconnect

At Least

Not Enough

"And I'm so glad you're comfortable enough in having me that you don't need to hold onto me so tightly. But now it's my turn."

25/2500

You get to see that 1%

Maybe that's just something we both know

Borrowing words from each other's dictionaries

forgetting we have the same edition.

[puppylovebites]

"I NEED TO BE HELD"

*deeper voice*

"held responsible" ☝️🙂‍↕️

[puppylovebites]

It's hilarious, really

I've been writing in this google doc for 4 years.

I should go back to that, not this.

Anyway, what's so funny?

I'll write something big and scary

And then go back later and write "wow...that was a lot. I'm so glad I'm better now!"

and then write something worse a few months later

slowly i stop being surprised at how bad things were

slowly i see myself become worse

and better

and i'll stay in this cycle until it kills me

It's like when a virus evolves after treating it

Into something worse

We're growing old together

Even if you want to kill me, love, we will both win depending on the day.

It's not so lonely thinking of you like this

I hope I can let you go someday

[puppylovebites]

Gonna download a last will and testament template and fill it out atp im really bored

[puppylovebites]

feeling physically ill from eating pizza i think so i try to feel mentally ill instead so it cancels out but then i end up feeling horrible in all ways

Listening to mitski so I can plummet because I know what'll fix me I just have to get there

OUCH two minutes of mitosis (mitski but it autocorrected and that's hilarious) and im leaving

I know what'll fix me

I just have to get there.

[puppylovebites]

love is not being blind to the hole in the fabric

love is buying that shirt anyway because it is beautiful and worth taking time to fix

and if it can't be?

then love is wearing it despite

.

.

.

i have drawers full of clothes i do not wear until my favorites are dirty

because there are holes i dislike

or patterns i've grown out of

but i never throw them out

because what if i miss them on a cool October night where those jeans would match my costume

what if i could love them again for an hour

before messily cramming them back into the bottom drawer

i couldn't seem to find my gloves that i've worn twice but needed today

or that raccoon tail i bought despite misreading its price tag

or that shirt i used to wear so often before slowly hating the texture

i guess i simply lost them

just like everyone else

[puppylovebites]

my dog loves her toys

she wags her tail

and carries them around

puts them in the dirt

leaves them in the rain

destroys them

i can't love and keep you

i can't play without tearing out your fluff

[puppylovebites]

Quadruple whammy of anxiety deciding it exists again; meds not working; physical sickness; stomach issues; period; school stress; future stress; interpersonal relation stress; loss of appetite; and all of them causing each other and making each other worse

AND IT'S COLD

And I'm freezing

And I'm overheating

And I'm

dying

[puppylovebites]

I need to rip something to shreds like my dog when I so much as consider playing outside with her (she destroyed two toys in two minutes)

[puppylovebites]

i need to be torn to shreds

grated like cheese

i tried that

didn't work as planned

skin is just so darn elastic

it happened on accident once

delicious

one day my teeth will be sharp enough

to tear myself to shreds

let me layer my problems one over the other

to ignore the ones I don't want to talk about

why the chords feel like holding you

why im sick to the stomach

with shame

[puppylovebites]

I like puzzles

Figuring things out

Putting all the pieces together

Connecting the dots

Help me fill in the blank

Why is every song about you?

And why do I cry to them all?

I don't know if it makes it better or worse but

None of them are sad.

Four across

I'm not one for crosswords

[puppylovebites]

Domesticate me.

People wonder how wolves became dogs

They think of it as a formally utilitarian relationship

Man used wolves for what they could do

But I know it was something sweeter

You give me scraps of your food and trust me not to bite you

You let me lay by your fire for warmth

And I let you feel the softness of my fur

We share body heat

You're not afraid of my sharp teeth

And maybe the wolf learns why someday

And I hope my pelt can warm you more than I ever did

[puppylovebites]

I'm a clean person

Until I forget to wash my hands

The downsides to anxious clammy hands

That residual gross feeling

I remember what it's like

I hope it doesn't stay

Another flower for the garden.

[puppylovebites]

and if i can fall in love with a song

maybe it never counts

and if i cry so easily

none of my tears mean anything

everything feels like nothing

nothing feels like everything

is that meaningless?

she tells me things i already know

so why is it so hard to believe?

am i you because i don't know who me is?

[puppylovebites]

It's different layers in a lollipop

one of those gross ones with the gummy middle

that everyone hates.

I like to crack them down the middle to reach it faster

I always need to know how it tastes.

you take your time

it hurts your teeth

i hope you get bored of the strawberry flavor

before reaching the grape in the middle

realizing the gum loses it's flavor too fast

you'd spit it out

wash it away with

something else.

[puppylovebites]

I was wrong in an earlier unpublished poem

It is the gateway drug

And it felt

I eat bread and cheese like a little mouse

I bundle myself in coping mechanisms

What am I coping with?

I'm not sure

I never knew did I

I'll never know

[puppylovebites]

OMG JONNNNN FROM THE MAGNUS ARCHIVES YOU FINALLY FINISHED HIM

awe Jon wants a lil snack

I FINNNAAAALLYYY FINISHED IT!!