punks-not-dead

[punks-not-dead]

An old piece I wrote in July called Idyllic Dream

the destruction always seems inevitable

its all I've ever known. being scared of when why and how and this thought will never go. over analyzing each moment knowing the red flags like trivia. ignoring every single warning in the hopes of an afterglow.

im fighting through every small event always feeling like im being dragged by an invisible current

rationalizing why i think like that

why i always almost snap

looking for a breath i can't take

wondering where i picked up all this extra weight and

**the days are turning over once again and im scared of what each one might bring

the light thats shining's not bright enough for me

still trying to differentiate fiction and reality

Blinded by my past lives

and my fear of becoming absentee...

to what i wanted and all that this could be

and I just don't wanna end living in this idyllic dream**

I feel like it's a secret I've been keeping how I've been scared because if this all ends

I'm gonna be left searching for a reason

cause this just might be the thing to take me down

These demons I've been fighting are learning new tricks now

not sure if my mind is playing games or if I'm really feeling like an stranger again

and I'm so close to slipping into the void of becoming my biggest fear.

**the days are turning over once again and im scared of what each one might bring

the light thats shining's not bright enough for me

still trying to differentiate fiction and reality

Blinded by my past lives

and my fear of becoming absentee...

to what i wanted and all that this could be

and I just don't wanna end living in this idyllic dream**

Used to self sabotaging every good thing trying hard not smother the flames that warm me

My track record shows a history

of breaking everything.

I can't see the ruins of what we used to be it'll be the first empire I've built that im not ready to see bleed.

I just need one chance a hail Mary in the hands of a God in which I don't believe.

The only true religion I know is this idyllic dream.

**still trying to differentiate fiction and reality

Blinded by my past lives

and my fear of becoming absentee...

to what i wanted and all that this could be

and I just don't wanna end living in this idyllic dream**

[punks-not-dead]

 Ursula K. Le Guin, The Dispossessed

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so close to a breaking point but what happens when you don't know what happens when you break. i have this feeling in my feet and in my chest that tells me i can't stay.

i can't breath lately, not correctly anyways, there's an invisible knot in my throat always getting in the way.

my tounges became poisoned by the water from family tree all i can do is beg you not leave me.

i don't wanna run away i wanna run home but home is always so far away and lately it's been cold, carpeted with eggshells, and painted with all my shortcomings and yet it's all I ever want.

the same archetypes in every story.

the same details in new robberies.

but we can lay new flooring paint the walls back with roses they once knew, rewrite the chapters we've already once lived through,

as long as my home is always you.

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some of my favorite gustav doré pieces

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little life update i feel like i'm finally going somewhere.

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Everyone talks about how Jesus drove the money changers and merchants out of the temple, but everyone glosses over the fact that he took the time to braid a whip. That would have taken a couple hours. I have braided leather before, and it takes a lot of time and effort. It may have even taken more than one day, all scripture says is, “And when he had made a scourge of small cords, he drove them all out of the temple-“ there isn’t a time period given. But I would still say it was at least a few hours. he had to braid multiple cords, bind them together, make a handle, and fix the cords to the handle.

The point of this is that what he did was NOT impulsive. It was cold and calculated. Premeditated even.

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Open Letter #1; to some one i no longer know

my naivety got the best of me once again.

i ignored the warning signs they all sent me

they told me you were a bad idea but those seen to be things im drawn to

but i hope you know no one wants you except the fucked up self destructive girls. you may fuck them but that's bc they've already fucked themselves

you'll never be as addictive as the self loathing they feel on the left side of your bed

but keep telling them their special and the other pretty lies

you use to cover up the tears forming in your own eyes

you're only a self absorbed asshole because thats where you feel comfortable

and you're gonna have to face the fact that you can't project your issues onto everyone around you

not everyone has to walk in your shoes

keep telling yourself your the best they can do

keep telling yourself everything but the truth

[punks-not-dead]

Falling 4 You

Falling in love has never been so effortless.

i'm infinite in your arms and all i want is to spend that eternity wrapped up in you.

you've made me smile and cry and laugh and i wouldn't trade the little time we've had for anything else in the world.

[punks-not-dead]

I love them sm and what they have is an amazing gorgeous love.

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[punks-not-dead]

Hans Richter :: Film still from Filmstudie (Film Study), 1928. | src YouTube

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Vine St, Hollywood (1957) x ‘Dying in LA’ by P!ATD