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at this wedding as a bridesmaid its actually very beautiful. im gonna ask the waiter what he thinks hold on

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#neverforget the time that Bella wore a full length khaki skirt to meet Edward’s family and he basically lost it because he thought she looked so sexy

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Margaery’s kindness had been unfailing, and her presence changed everything.

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My favorite is people who send me unsolicited dick pics and then they’re like, “uh, hi? Are you ignoring me?”

It’s just so funny to me. Like one minute I’m designing bioreactors and getting published for heat dissipation in polymers and then I open this godforsaken app to dudes hanging brain who can’t even pronounce “saponification” calling me a slut because I won’t give attention to their limp excuses for existence.

3 billion years of evolution and the greatest form of communication you can conjure up in your fermented omelet of a conscience is submitting your wrinkly ball sac to a stranger on the Internet to substitute the attention your parents never gave their mistake of an offspring.

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me, coming back to my senses: I……really ate all that bread…….

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my mom taught me the therapeutic power of cleaning. open all the windows. throw out the old. wipe down the entire house. burn some incense. roast some coffee. then rest. that way the tears from last night don’t feel as heavy. 

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scientist: hey dad, I discovered a new spider today! and I named it after you

dad: thanks son! I really needed this today, the boys at work were making fun of my long legs again. what did you call it? :)

scientist: uh…

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i am very supportive of this family and i could not be prouder

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i finally found the best youtube comment