puddlejumpin

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AU where Dean and Sam parted permanently in seasons 1

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any advice or insight about planning and cultivating the kind of life and community you want... It's rough out here

It IS rough out here 💖💖 I really ruminated on this and wrote up some thoughts which have ended up sounding disturbingly like a manifesto. OOPSIE. Disclaimers are that these are things that have helped me to build out a life that I love; I have developed these strategies gradually over like fully 10 years and I'm articulating them with the benefit of ample hindsight. I’m also extremely extroverted and have a pretty high amount of executive function; some things probably work for me that won’t work for other people. But I hope you can take away some things that might work for you!! I also have my *** tag which has a lot of posts about this kind of thing

So for a long time a source of pain and distress for me was being queer and specifically aro/ace, and feeling like I was grasping around for a community of people who wouldn’t just prioritize their romantic partners at all times. I remember when I was in college I was like is there anyone in the WORLD who doesn’t want to get married. And, like: of course. Dozens of us. But in navigating those fears there was also kind of a journey of both becoming really comfortable and loving towards and at ease with myself, and then also building out a community of people I can depend on for the things I need. In no particular order:

I befriended other aro/ace people. I did this first online and then later by downloading Lex and meeting people in my city. It was really helpful for me to articulate some of my feelings with people that felt similarly; through this I was also introduced to new ways of living including polyamory and relationship anarchy which were really helpful on-ramps to imagining and envisioning a good life.

I learned to communicate earnestly around my fears — for a long time when I was able to communicate around this I did so kind of glibly and desperately because I really didn’t trust that anyone would rise to the occasion. So it took vulnerability on my part and developing trust with others to be able to do this more easily. Now I try to assume that other people want to understand my motivations and my feelings, and that being vulnerable is an opportunity to grow closer to someone. And I try to be generous in how I interpret THEIR words and actions as well.

Likewise, I had to stop setting traps — I would sometimes be in situations where I could see that a friend was going to maybe do something that would hurt me, and it was very tempting to let that happened so I could be righteous and wounded, which is a bad impulse I had to work hard to stop. I had to basically constantly ask the question: do you want to be right or do you want to have friends? Turns out the answer is mostly to have friends.

I had to diversify my friendships so I didn’t feel such a sense of scarcity around if someone moves/leaves/gets a partner. I met a TON of people through 1) showing up to local hobby groups consistently and repeatedly 2) accepting all invitations offered to me 3) actively saying out loud, “I am looking to make more friends.”

Generally I think identifying this journey out loud is helpful. It means that people think to invite you to things and set you up with their friends!

If I turn down an invitation I immediately counteroffer with an activity and a time/date so people know that I am serious about spending time together.

I accept that sometimes an event might be outside of my wheelhouse and maybe even kind of boring or bad. I have been to so many events. I have been to mime festivals and movies in a foreign language with a different foreign language subtitles. I have gone grocery shopping with people. I went to a play that was 6 hours long. I GO TO THINGS and it means that people invite me to things. If this sounds exhausting I'm sorry, I do like 15 things a week.

I also host things! Sometimes a group (especially a hobby group) needs someone to event plan and if you have the capacity to do that it really speeds things up. People want to hang out and they want someone to tell them to hang out. Everyone longs for a social tsar.

I am very comfortable in my own company. I do things by myself. I cultivate habits and behaviors that I think are positive so that I like who I am. I try to be honest with myself when I misbehave and avoid defensiveness as much as possible. I try to be realistic about my good and bad qualities and communicate around them.

I try to honor my commitments to my friends and find friends who do that as well. I show up to things I say I’ll show up to and do things I say I’ll do. I try not to let myself off the hook while still giving myself grace (ONGOING PROJECT WHICH I’M BAD AT. NO GRACE FOR CALLA, ONLY HOOKS)

Everything is a negotiation! I try to seek clarity about my expectations and needs. I find it’s very easy to get into conflict about something that is not actually the thing that matters to either of us. Taking time to discern what that actually substance of a hurt/disagreement/desire means that you can actually articulate a desire and have reasonable hope of it being met. Silly example but I hate traveling during Thanksgiving because it’s a tough time of year for me and I always feel really worn down physically. My parents want to see me sometime in the fall. It doesn’t matter to either of us whether it is actually Thanksgiving, so now we have fake Thanksgiving in early November. This kind of negotiation can apply to literally all areas of your life.

Determine what things are load bearing for you in your life. I need to leave my apartment every day. I need to have things on my calendar to look forward to. I try to make sure that both of those things happen for me and I have friends who support those things.

All of this is a muscle that has to be worked out! You can add weight gradually and then suddenly doing anything lighter seems unfathomable.

Some problems you have to wait out. Some conflicts you can’t communicate around. At that point you have to look inward to determine whether to yield or walk away.

I have friends of all ages and this helps me believe that every year of my life is going to be better and better forever, amen.

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Phoebe Halliwell + Cole Turner CHARMED (1998–2006) cr. by Constance M. Burge

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One time my dad and I got into an argument cause he said it was unprofessional for a man to wear a skirt to work because a man would only want to wear women’s clothing if it was a sexual fetish and at the time I just thought it was stupid but in hindsight I think I learned something deeply personal about my dad

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The Beast, traditional ink and paint by Koshchei.mrtl

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that name isnt "literally unpronounceable" its just not english and im going to fucking kill you

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sometimes I remember that there are legit people who think virginity is a real thing and a huge deal and like having sex is a thing that fundamentally changes u as a person and it feels like I turned over a log in the woods and discovered a strange new breed of pervert

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tumblr keeps putting rpf baseball yaoi on my dash, and like, okay fine I get it. Whatever. But it’s all rpf baseball yaoi of fucking YANKEES PLAYERS. YANKEES PLAYERS??? Tumblr thinks I’m a fuckin YANKEES FAN???? Tumblr coming into my house and accusing me of being a goddamn motherfucking yankees fan???????? You say that to my face. You come to my house in the great beautiful city of Boston Massachusetts and say that to my fucking face tumblr. Ohh when I get my hands on you tumblr. Yankees yaoi. I’m actually for real mad about it.

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he needs enrichment

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hey man i see the projector in your mind's eye casting the image of a beautiful self indulgent fantasy over my silhouette so i just wanted to remind you before you try any funny business that when its battery dies it's just going to be me here

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losing my MIND

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in a world where a prominent branch of anti-trans activism focuses on fearmongering about "parents' rights," trans rights and youth rights become inextricable.

trans kids deserve to be called the right pronouns and the right name by schools and doctor's offices, regardless of "parental consent." trans kids deserve to undergo the right puberty at the same time as their cis peers, regardless of "parental consent."

the very concept of "parents' rights" is a smokescreen that enables the abuse and dehumanization of children by adults. this is bad for cis kids, too.

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Truscum this comic is not for you

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AYO EDEBIRI 82nd Venice International Film Festival (Aug 29, 2025)

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i’m gonna say a thing that is entirely observational and has nothing to do with judging how people have fun