psychon4utical

[psychon4utical]

For the first time in years and years, I know loneliness. And yeah sure it's cause I'm the one cutting everyone else out, but til this probations done in two months I don't got time for noooooooobody.....and it sucks

[psychon4utical]

Practicing humility and better mindfulness of emotions. Emotions always been tricky for me. Mostly cause I don't feel them, but eh I'm learning and making that the goal of this year - empathetic mindfulness. Spent last year getting my money right and the year before learning to a tee how I physically carry myself so I feel like this is a good goal for this year. On that note though, Ive never been healthier since I was a kid and never had this much dough before, so in theory this year should do wonders for grounding myself and learning how to much more properly interact with others on an emotional level

[psychon4utical]

Hate when people say, "I can do it without you anyway fuck it"

Then boom I come back, hoping they actually got the thing going on their own, but they're just still flailing. It doesn't benefit me in any way to see someone not reach success in their work, but it benefits everyone if things still get done without me

[psychon4utical]

Im actually fucking disgusted with myself right now. Now that I'm 60+ days clean and reconnecting with most of those who I'd fallen off with this past few months.

I found out one of my good friends fucking died and I was too strung out at the time to even care enough to remember. People even called me all day the day after it happened and I didn't even remember any of those calls or that he even died until I tried reaching out today.

Drugs are fucking gross, I was acting fucking gross. Death is a thing of beauty, even when it happens to those we hold close, but it's ugly if we don't pay the right respects.

My dude, I hope wherever your beautiful, radiant, enthusiastic, motivated, empathic soul wanders/surfs, it finds somewhere that deserves it.

[psychon4utical]

As soon as probation is over, moving to santa Cruz to pursue my education for a few years. Every kind of school I wanna go to is there.

Kinda strange reverse-engineering life, choosing to become successful and make my own way before going to school to get a degree. Honestly, it straight up made more sense. Unless ya getting family support idk how people can possible live an enjoyable life and also be putting in the work required to do well in school without having already gotten your shit together first

[psychon4utical]

Wait what I'm actually happier sober wtf

All these damn years. Even with my 6-8month breaks. What the fuck man I think I'll actually keep it this way xD

[psychon4utical]

Day 2.

[psychon4utical]

[psychon4utical]

work on yourself for yourself by yourself

[psychon4utical]

Day one no drugs ughhh

[psychon4utical]

whaaaaaaaaaaat Alison Wonderland has been buying k off me for months now, never knew her as anything but Alli until now :P

what the fuck moments in the life of the plug

[psychon4utical]

2 of the 5 people ive actually dated have now tried to kill me. definitely wondering why i attract such fucking mentally balls to the wall women. kinda wondered if maybe its me, but that wouldnt make sense seeing as im never the one to choose violence or agression in working with partners through anything.

doin fine with the flings n such and almost got back into dating, but maybe i should just stay away from long term sheit :/

[psychon4utical]

if you arent obsessed with horror and gore and laying waste to the shreds of humanity dont hmu

[psychon4utical]

Elevated asf in life now. Trying hard not to let this all get to my head but it feels good to feel like this through all the crazy shit I've been through

[psychon4utical]

Jfc I'm pretty much perpetually on acid now

[psychon4utical]

Being freshly rich is the craziest feeling ever.

Knowing that I have completed freedom to do whatever I want wherever with whoever is fucking insane. I'm finally able to move forward with my dreams. This is almost comparable to the intensity you feel when you fall in love. Maybe it's me falling in love with myself and my life though too.

Just gotta finish 600 more hours of probation and then the sky is the fucking limit

[psychon4utical]

HOLY SHIT IM BUYING A HOUSE NEXT WEEK WTF THIS IS INSANE.

I'm boutta own a fucking farm holy shit. I actually made my goal of buying my first property before I hit 23