psycho-boy

[psycho-boy]

sometimes u are rly rly rly sad and then u dance in ur underwear to a song u used to love when you were fourteen and like. ok yeah hope will find me again. and u too

[psycho-boy]

me on 1mg ativan

[psycho-boy]

I could feel the tears brimming and sloshing in me like water in a glass that is unsteady and too full.

Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar

[psycho-boy]

so we're giving Ativan another try. i'm just so worried about getting addicted bc i Fucking Love Ativan. but i think if i follow the prescription and don't go overboard it will be okay. it'll only be for a few weeks probably. right?

[psycho-boy]

schizospec (specifically w/ disorganized thinking) culture is always adding the caveat of "does this make sense?" to anything you say because you know your thoughts are disorganized, but that makes it hard to tell if your own speech is disorganized because it sounds disorganized to you no matter what, even if it's perfectly clear, because of how your brain processes words and thoughts and speech internally

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[psycho-boy]

[psycho-boy]

im getting out of here alive (my twenties)

[psycho-boy]

schizospec culture is wishing you got the kind of psychosis that left you in a blissful daydream type state where everything was sunshine and rainbows and nothing felt wrong and nothing was scary or big or bad

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[psycho-boy]

where is that cat with the kind and reassuring face

[psycho-boy]

No, you're ok. "Locked in" is a meme, particularly to say you're going to "lock in" means to focus on something. Not a sign or anything. Unreasonably popular actually, I didn't get the gist for like a month.

thank you! this makes sense, it was just one of those things where i saw it once and then suddenly it was everywhere

[psycho-boy]

i need a bit of a reality check...is "locked in" a meme? like a popular internet thing? does it have some meaning to you all?

i just don't know what it means and i was starting to think it might be a message for me in some way and i'm kinda freaked out

[psycho-boy]

I said this months ago but I'll say it again: if you're transgender you HAVE TO LIVE

[psycho-boy]

time with complex trauma is like. i need to do everything all at once and if i don't i'm a failure, even if there's nothing to do. three months ago feels like yesterday but i can hardly remember yesterday anyway. i'm running out of time. for what? i don't know. i need everything to slow down but my life is so stagnant. i can't go to sleep because the day can't end, but i need the day to end or i'll go insane. i'm constantly worrying about the future but it feels like i have no future. i'm running out of time. for what? i don't know. time has no meaning but every second is the end of the world.

or is this just me?

[psycho-boy]

queer people of all kinds. i am looking you in the eyes. do not fucking kill yourself. are you listening to me it will be okay. it will get better. i am shaking you by the shoulders do. not. fucking. do. it. you have so much to keep going for and so many people who love you. the cost of the present will not outweigh the life ahead of you. i love you. chin up or down keep walking you'll get there. we will pull you back up onto your feet should you fall. i love you

[psycho-boy]

sorry i cant hang out i forgot how to mimic human like behaviour

[psycho-boy]

i miss when i was in a coma

[psycho-boy]

very busy. i have to pace in circles for 6 hours. you understand