psycho-boy - Tumblr blog

[psycho-boy]

[psycho-boy]

it’s okay to do things that make your symptoms worse (as long as you’ll stay safe)

every once in a while you need to eat something yummy. or go on a walk. or a trip to the zoo. take a hot shower. cry your eyes out. dance. listen to music. draw for way to long. write. laugh. sit in a cafe with a friend. paint your nails. dye your hair. go on a run. pet a cat

sometimes you need to do things that are cathartic or make yourself feel alive. sometimes you need the reminder of why you’re fighting so hard to stay alive

this is your reminder that just because it makes your symptoms worse, it isn’t always the wrong thing to do. there can be value in these actions

[psycho-boy]

ough

[psycho-boy]

"neurodivergent" means disabled. it means disabled in some way involving cognition/emotion/sociability/mental abilities. it is a call to solidarity between the person with adhd, the autistic person, the depressed person, the dyslexic person, the schizophrenic person, the ocd haver, the intellectually disabled person, the person with dementia, the epileptic person, the stroke survivor, anyone who has a mental disability. it's a call to each of us to be more than ourselves, to be in solidarity against the ableism that affects all of us.

it isn't a quirky fashion statement. it has always been about disability

[psycho-boy]

Something that I wished we talked more about is that some people who recover from eating disorders will become fat. Some people’s bodies will just naturally be a bit bigger, especially after the stress of a lifetime of disordered eating. Weight gain is value neutral and often a part of recovery, and you cannot be fatphobic without directly advocating against people recovering.

[psycho-boy]

Dissociated to survive

[psycho-boy]

shaking myself (very gently) . being in pain takes a lot of energy!!!!!! being in pain is exhausting!!!!!!! you are not lazy or weak because you need to spend so much time resting, this is your body coping with how much pain you’re in literally 24/7!!!!!!!!!

[psycho-boy]

getting tumblr ads telling me they have a message for me from my angels.....scared that they know about them and very tempted to click on the link but luckily i'm more scared of computer viruses than i am curious about that

[psycho-boy]

Schizospec culture is having a dream so vivid/lucid that you actually can’t tell if you dreamt or if you were awake -> which then leads to a psychosis… :(((

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[psycho-boy]

[psycho-boy]

[psycho-boy]

i'm literally safe at my friends' house (which i went to bc i was feeling UNsafe) and i still can't sleep because it keeps screaming at me kms. like. i literally can't.

[psycho-boy]

in another universe, i am left untouched. i am not filthy, and my body doesn’t ache from invisible wounds resembling their handprints

[psycho-boy]

Constant self imposed control over every aspect of yourself is great! But Beware

[psycho-boy]

Schizophrenia: too many connections

Disclaimer: I am not a psychologist or a professional, I am simply describing my experience and how I view my schizophrenia

Tw: description of the process of psychosis

I am open to discussing this and if I say anything wrong you are welcome to correct me, remember to be kind.

I have noticed that it seems as though to me schizophrenia is that there are too many connections, and I have noticed that through looking closely at the "prodromal stage" to my psychosis, because my psychosis doesn't just usually come out of nowhere, there is a buildup and it goes like this:

Trigger: this is where a trigger to a psychotic thought comes in, it may be that someone says something along the lines of: "what if psychotic people see the actual reality" or "I am in your walls" (be so kind as to not say that to a psychotic person). To me it is that I think that people are hinting at the fact that they hate me, usually through critique of something that is an inner part of my core.

Anxiety: this is starting to worry about something that is tangential to what your psychosis usually revolves around. For me it is social anxiety, where I start worrying that I do everything wrong or miss the social cues or I say something wrong or offend someone or do something embarrassing etc. This is where you start connecting things.

Confusion: this is where the psychosis starts to kick in, this is the worsening of cognitive symptoms. You start forgetting things and you get distracted and it starts getting harder to talk and make sense in general. You start getting a whole bunch of epiphanies and aha moments, where things feel like they suddenly make sense and you might start getting quite philosophical and get good ideas and become creative. But I think the confusion is due to the fact that your reality starts swaying from the common reality and you keep thinking about this one thing that your psychosis revolves around and you're really distracted by it, the common reality is suddenly unimportant.

Paranoia: suddenly everything makes sense, you've figured it out, and you are quite sure that the connection you've made is the right one and you're going with it.

The thing is though that that connection isn't even there. I think that schizophrenic people make too many connections and have a hard time prioritising which connection makes the most sense. There is too much information but also a lack of ability to prioritise what makes sense.

Do you relate? Does this make sense? Please add your input.

[psycho-boy]

Psychosis feels like unraveling

Psychosis makes me feel like everything is threatening, even objects

Psychosis feels like everything I think and feel is liquid and blending together, leaving me confused

Psychosis feels like my brain has disappeared and left a big blank space where no thoughts form

Psychosis makes me feel like someone is inside my body, touching and grabbing me underneath my skin

Psychosis feels like being controlled by an outside force

Psychosis feels like reality and you yourself is disintegrating

Psychosis feels like everything is simultaneously fake and more real than usual

Psychosis feels like spiraling through an endless cycle of thoughts

Psychosis feels like being fragmented

[psycho-boy]

i have never successfully articulated anything but i got very close, once