proceduralpassion

[proceduralpassion]

I cannot believe it..

[proceduralpassion]

Brandon is a bitch thank you for coming to my ted talk 😂😂😂 such a great chapter

Lmaooo exactly friend! Thanks so much 💚

[proceduralpassion]

Them Duprees don't play about Dani...

Beyond The Gates [02/24/25]

[proceduralpassion]

Brandon is truly his own enemy, it's crazy. He's incapable of seeing that he's the problem and that's gonna come back and bite him on the ass eventually.

I'm so happy that someone stepped in when things got really tense with McKenzie and Brandon. Often times, you don't see people step in during real-life moments like that, so I appreciate Ezekiel so much for doing what was right.

McKenzie and Jax's moment was so special. I think, underneath all the thoughts running through her mind, she recognized Jax as a safe haven, someone to go to for support. She's got to go on her own healing journey of letting people in and not letting past circumstances define her. I truly hope she learns to take baby steps forward rather than going backwards and pushing people away, whether that's Jax or family/friends.

Thanks so much for the support! I missed my bbs so much and I definitely want to try to write for them more often this year. I've got some fun storylines and moments planned for this fic 😍 Y'all support means everything to me.

I Don't Wanna Be Unfair | Chapter 10

Pairing: Jax Teller x OC Series Masterlist

Summary/synopsis: Fresh off a broken engagement, McKenzie Gilbert has a one night stand with a random guy she never plans to see again. Soon after, their paths cross, which complicates several situations at hand.

Chapter warning(s): language, implied smut, BRANDON, discussion of cheating/manipulation

WC: 7.1k

McKenzie let out a content sigh as she rolled off of Jax and tucked into his side. She glanced up at him and was met with a playful smirk as the SAMCRO president cuddled even closer to her.

“You really enjoyed that.”

She rolled her eyes and gave him a light shove, “You knew what you were doing.”

As they wrestled their clothes off while stumbling into his bedroom earlier, Jax laid down with that lazy leer of his and had requested, “Sit on my face.” McKenzie didn’t hesitate to oblige and now in the aftermath, she rested in his arms spent and satisfied.

Jax moved from his back over to his stomach and sent her a flirty wink before fluttering his eyes in relaxation. Her eyes roamed over his back and they were drawn to the scarred tissue hidden clandestine within his tattoos. The layered edges of the hole told her it was a gunshot wound. She was too enthralled with their hookup to pay much attention during their first night together, but now it seemed blaringly obvious that the man had a sketchy past. Except for as long as she could remember, her entire life had consisted of morally gray men with hearts of gold. 

In a way, he was the most perfectly fitting guy in terms of potential relationships. Brandon was an MC outlaw, sure, but he had joined the life as a means of escape. Jax had been raised in the culture just like she had.

“So how did you get that?”

Jax glanced at her with a hint of confusion.

“The gunshot wound on your back?” It was genuine curiosity, but she realized that it might not be a comfortable topic for him, “You don’t have to talk about it.”

“Nah, it’s fine,” he said with that easy grin of his, “I was a fucking prospect.”

He laughed at himself, at the memories, before venturing into the story, “Red Woody wasn’t always Red Woody. At first, one of our brother’s wives, Luann, had started the company. It was called Cara Cara back then. The club helped her get the building for it and it definitely wasn’t easy. One time, we were so close to the point where JT, my dad, was going to go co-sign the papers the very next day. Then, the realtor calls and says someone put in a better bid and our deal was off. Turns out it was some loser trying to sell hunting gear. There aren’t even any fucking bears in Charming, much less deer,” Jax and McKenzie chuckled together at the commentary. “Me being the prospect and trying to impress my old man, I grab Ope and say ‘Bro, let’s go mess with him a little, convince him to take his shitty little hunting store outta town.’ We find out where he lives and no one’s home, so we snoop around. Found the sale papers from the realtor deal and decided, shit, if there’s no proof of sale, the deal might as well be off. We were gonna rip up the papers and challenge the realtor.”

McKenzie interrupts, “You know the realtor would’ve had copies of those exact papers, right?”

“Yes, I know that now, smart ass.” Jax pokes at her stomach and enjoys her ticklish grins.

“Anyway, we thought we were home alone. Turns out the fucker was just in his back shed with the doors closed. Sneaky as fuck because I didn’t even hear him come in. I just happened to see him pointing a gun at Ope out of the corner of my eye and I jumped in front of him because I knew he wouldn’t react in time. I don’t really remember much after that except for us getting the fuck out of dodge right after. Ope had to practically hold me up himself until we got to the bikes.”

“Damn,” McKenzie whistled in amazement. Humor danced in her eyes, though, as she continued, “If your dad’s anything like mine, then I know he was not amused.”

“Bro, as soon as he saw it was just a flesh wound, he slapped me so fucking hard, I landed against the pool table.”

McKenzie’s cackles filled the room and they only grew louder as Jax laid out the punishment chores he and Opie got assigned not longer after that ill-fated stunt. 

It was only after her laughter died out did she have the chance to remark, “I’m sorry, Jax, but that was really fucking stupid. You absolutely deserve the punishment you got.”

Jax grinned, “I know.” His sigh is filled with notions of bittersweet. It was a fun, chaotic memory that he and his best friend would always share, but it also was a reminder of how quickly things could go left. “The same way my dad was hard on me, I’m sure that’s why your pops was so hard on Brandon. The look of horror on my pop’s face when I burst in with blood pooling all on my side and back was the same look your dad had when he realized Sweets was shot.”

He pauses for a minute before considering. “Sorry, maybe it’s not the best idea to bring your ex up.”

“It’s fine. He’s not Voldemort,” she shrugs. “Besides, it’s not like he’s going anywhere. If my dad was right about one thing, it’s that I might as well get used to being around him.”

“I don’t know who Voldemort is, but yeah, I agree with your dad, too. I just didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“Well, one: we’re definitely going to have to fix that. And two: thanks. I’m good. Trust me.”

Jax nods, throwing his arm around her waist. “He’s an asshole but that doesn’t mean I want the guy to get killed doing something stupid, y’know?”

“I can definitely get that. Maybe even more than you do. Brandon’s always been an act first, think later type of person. I know he means well in the moment, but sometimes he has a habit of getting himself and others into trouble too.” 

“I feel like there’s a story in there somewhere.”

There is, but McKenzie’s just about reached her Brandon quota for the day. She also hates that Jax and SAMCRO are now caught up in mess caused by her ex-fiance. Even more than that, she hates that she can tell that this is all weighing on Jax.

“I’m sorry.” She strokes his cheek, their eyes locking. “You’re responsible for keeping your men safe and I know that has to be a lot of pressure and stress.”

She sees it every day. The toll it takes when you’re responsible for the lives of others. How it’s even more aggrandized when the people you’re protecting are also people that you deeply care for. She’s watched SAMCRO over the past several weeks, taking note of the close bonds weaved within them. It didn’t take her long to realize the parallels she sees with the Street Wolves. They’re more than just a club. They’re a brotherhood. A family.

Jax gazes at her, wearing a look that she can’t quite interpret. 

“What?”

“Nothing,” he shakes his head. “It’s just that, I guess you do know. Our lives aren’t quite so different…”

“Maybe not, but then again, being a family member of the club is still different than actually being a member.”

Jax tilts his head, “If you, Lisa, or Sairah are anything like the women affiliated with SAMCRO, you’re a part of the club in your own way.” He pushes himself up off the bed. “Thank you, though. Seriously.”

McKenzie smiles at him, the sheets bunched up over her. 

“You want something to drink?” He asks as he gets up.

“I’m good.” 

Jax nods before disappearing outside his bedroom door with McKenzie shuffling under the covers. She watches the door he just exited from, unable to characterize just how far her empathy goes for him. 

***

Brandon sat alone outside on the pathway next to the Garden’s parking lot, his eyes glued to Jax’s Dyna amongst the row of bikes near the front of the bar. It’s been two days since he learned about Jax’s past and he’s yet to come to a decision about just what to do about it. He knew he needed to be strategic with the information he’s learned about the SAMCRO president, using it to be its most effectual in getting his way.

The thing is that he’s not sure whether he wants to share what he’s learned of Teller’s past with the rest of the crew yet. Sure, it would be nice to expose the man’s dirty laundry and let his brothers know what kind of grimy man they were doing business with, but it was currently the only card he had to play at the moment. He wondered whether playing it close to the chest was the more clever move to make instead of losing his upper hand so quickly. 

He wasn’t sure yet what to do, but he knew he was going to do something. He can acknowledge that he fucked up, but one would be hard-pressed to convince him that Gil and Rev wouldn’t have chastised him so harshly had it not been for Jax and SAMCRO. And it was pure bullshit. It was one of the Street Wolves after all that got shot, so he didn’t even understand why Gil felt apologetic towards them. They were outlaws, too. They knew the risks. 

Jax wasn’t going to continue walking around like he ran the place. Brandon wouldn’t let him. 

He had every intention of putting the man in his place. Of making sure that he knew that this was still Street Wolves territory and that he wasn’t in charge. 

His goal, for the time being, would be scheming the right way to go about it. And, of course, maybe have some fun at Teller’s expense in the process.

***

Jax steps into the entertainment area of the Street Wolves’ club house, following the aromatic wafts of hashbrowns, grits, and pancakes. A few of the Wolves, along with Bobby and Juice, were already congregating in the room, watching Lisa and Ace unfold the aluminum sheets over the pans of brunch food. They circled the food like lions do their prey and Jax couldn’t blame them. He could already feel his mouth watering from the aroma alone.

“Mornin’,” he greets Rev who’s closest to the door, leaning against the wall with a book in hand. 

“Hey, man. You doing alright?” 

They dap each other up before Jax mimics his stance, leaning next to him. 

“Yep. You?”

“Good. Went to visit Sweets this morning. He was grouchy because I woke him up, but otherwise doing fine considering.”

“Good, that’s good.” Jax muses. His eyes veer back to the brunch spread when Lisa heads downstairs to get plates and utensils. Brandon is standing next to Ace chatting, but his gaze locks with the SAMCRO president instantly, morphing into a smug smirk. Jax’s eyebrows furrow in response, but Brandon is back to his conversation with Ace before he can dwell on it any further.

“Yeah,” Rev continues, “He’ll probably sit home and recuperate for the rest of the week, but that old dog’ll probably be back in no time.” 

Jax chuckles, “I’d expect nothing less. I think I heard him and Chibs making plans to take a ride out to Fresno.”

They both turn towards the door when Lisa returns with McKenzie and Sairah following closely behind. 

“Morning, guys,” Sairah greets.

“Fancy seeing you here,” Rev brings her in for a one-armed hug before pulling McKenzie in for one as well. 

“I don’t have to go into the office until later. Plus I can’t remember the last time I’ve had a hot meal for breakfast.” Sairah turns to Jax. “You don’t know life until you’ve tried my mom’s pecan pancakes.”  

“Well, then I can’t wait to truly start life,” Jax smirks. He avoids more than a few seconds of eye contact with McKenzie, not intent on Sairah clocking anything between them. 

The brief conversation that carries between them pauses once Gil makes his presence known. He addresses the whole room wishing everyone a good morning. 

“Let’s eat,” he enjoins.

The Street Wolves president led the line to grab food, taking loaded servings of all of his wife’s cooking while simultaneously addressing everybody.

“Rev and I went to go see Sweets this morning. He’s doing well, back to his crabby ass self. Cussed us out for being on his doorstep so early in the morning.” The group laughed, the Street Wolves being all too familiar with how much Sweets prioritized his sleep. “He’ll take it easy for the rest of the week, but I’m sure he'll be back in action not long after. Can’t keep an old dog down.”

He continues, “Otherwise, it’s business as usual. Lisa organized this brunch just to keep everyone’s spirits lifted.”

“And your stomachs full. Lord knows half of y’all can’t cook,” she throws in.

Laughter convenes among the group, a gloomy weight lifted off the room. Everyone sits, enjoying their food and making conversation with each other. Jax, McKenzie, Sairah, and Rev all sit towards the end of the long table, chattering amongst themselves.

“So, Jax, do you have a girlfriend?” 

Jax nearly chokes on his piece of bacon as he registers Sairah’s question. Rev snickers. McKenzie eyes the parsley on her grits with more attention than necessary.

“Uh, no…” he finally answers. 

McKenzie gives a sly grin before taking a sip of her orange juice. 

He continues, “I’m single.”

Sairah hums in response. “Nice to know. Now that you’re in Highwater more often, you’ve got a whole new dating pool to explore. Shoot, I’ve got co-workers who want to take a walk on the wild side who’d probably go a round with you.”

“Why do I feel like this is the beginning of a trap?”

“Oh, no such thing,” she says, sipping on her drink with an air of innocence, “Just know that if you’re ever looking for some potential connects, I’m your girl.”

Rev jumps in, “Don’t fall for it, man. I let her set me up on a date once. Never again.” 

“I warned you ahead of time that Cosette was a stage 5 clinger. Not my fault that you kept messing around with her after I told you she’d get attached.” 

Jax and McKenzie both laughed in amusement watching Sairah and Rev go at it. 

“It’s everyday with those two,” McKenzie remarks.

“Hope I’m not interrupting anything.”

Laughter stops and all four pairs of eyes veer to the source of the new voice in their midst. Brandon approaches them, standing adjacent to where Jax and McKenzie sat. McKenzie leans closer into his sister’s space, a move not lost on Sairah or Jax. 

“First, I just wanted to apologize to you,” his words targeted at Jax. “I put SAMCRO in just as much danger as my fellow Street Wolves with the stunt I pulled. Despite my good intentions, I put everyone’s lives at risk and that wasn’t fair. I’m man enough to admit when I’m wrong. It’s not easy for a lot of men, but I don’t want to be that guy.”

Jax would feel appreciative of Brandon’s words if it wasn’t for the smug smirk that colored his face as he finished his spiel. Hearing the words alone, he might’ve paid it no mind, but there was an undertone of arrogance as if Jax was supposed to catch some underlying meaning in his words. 

Still, he stands up and shakes Brandon’s hand, feeling the eyes on him. “I appreciate that, man.”

“Yeah, I just wanted to get that out there. I mean, the last thing I’d want to be is on your bad side, y’know what I mean?” 

Jax’s eyebrows furrow, disquieted by the man’s forced smile. 

“Anyway…” Brandon turns to McKenzie. “You got a minute?”

“Not for you,” Sairah jumps in.

“I wasn’t talking to you,” Brandon snaps.

Rev cuts his eyes, “Watch it.” 

Immediately, McKenzie puts her arms up, not intent on another tension-filled encounter between her sister and ex. 

“It’s fine,” she says. Truth be told, she’d rather be anywhere than stuck in a conversation with him, but it’s nowhere near the first time she’s settled to do things she doesn’t want to do in order to keep the peace. 

She leads them out into the hallway and veers towards the end. She glances at the dorm room that her and Jax had had their shower tryst in and feels her cheeks warm at the memory. The idea of being blocked into any space with Brandon in her way sends unease through her, so she aims to lean against the wall that’s still not far from view of anyone eating in the rec room. 

Crossing her arms against her chest, she sighs, “What is it?”

“I wanted to ask if we could go and talk. Somewhere tonight? Or maybe tomorrow?”

McKenzie stares at him, searching for his angle.

“…why?” She finally asks.

He sighs, taking a step closer before halting at the sight of her tensing. He steps back, looking directly at her.

“I just have some things to get off my chest. I’ve had some time to think about things. Reflect.  Pauletta’s been helping me work through some things.”

McKenzie immediately scoffs. 

“I’m just trying to be a better man for her. And she thinks that us moving forward in our relationship would go a lot smoother if we air things out for good.”

She hums, “So you’re doing this for her?” 

“I’m doing this for myself. I have a lot of things I need to get off my chest. About our relationship. About everything that happened. I don’t want to go around carrying all this guilt. We both deserve to move on for good, and in order for that to happen, you need to know the full truth.”

McKenzie stood there, taking in his words. Trying to decipher whether it was genuine or just a bunch of bull. The guy before her sounds a lot more mature and introspective than the man she was in a relationship with for several years. It takes her back to the beginning of their dynamic, when she fell in love with him. The realization leaves a weight tugging in her stomach.

Brandon presses. “I’ll leave you alone after this, I promise.” 

Ultimately, she knew he wouldn’t give in until she gave him the answer she wanted, but it didn’t take long for her to truly consider for herself that she wanted to hear what he had to say. Her confidence was waning, but, on the off chance, that he had a genuine reason behind how he’s treated her, she wants to hear it. 

She finally agrees. “Fine. But we’ll do it somewhere public.”

His smarmy smirk returns. “What? You don’t trust me enough to meet in private?”

No source of humor shows on McKenzie’s face. His smile falls at the seriousness in her eyes. 

“Okay,” he finally says with a nod. “We can meet up at the coffee shop you like on Swan Street? Does tomorrow work for you?”

“Yeah.”

“Thanks.” He starts to head back to go eat. “I’ll see you then.”

She gives a slight nod before waiting a moment, allowing him to enter first before heading back to where she was sitting. Jax and Rev have just finished with their meals and are catching up with Gil on the opposite end of the room.

Immediately, Sairah pressed her, “What the hell did he want?”

McKenzie gives a light shrug, “He just wants to talk.’’

“About what?”

“I don’t know. I guess he’s looking for closure? He just said he wants us to have it out. Explain things. We’re gonna meet up at the cafe tomorrow.”

Hesitation covers her little sister’s face. Her voice lowers as she asks, “You’re not…you’re not thinking of getting back together with him, are you?” 

“Are you shitting me?” The stark disbelief on McKenzie’s face immediately answers her question. “Hell no! He’s on his ‘better man’ bullshit, apparently. I guess things with him and Pauletta are progressing mighty fine…”

“God, I hate a dumb bitch. Especially when she actually seems sweet.” 

McKenzie sighs, “Well, it’s whatever. He’s not my problem anymore, so hopefully this is the end.”

***

McKenzie sat at the table set near the window, her anxiety on a ten as she waited for her ex-fiance. He was already ten minutes late and she was beyond ready to get this over with. She’d give him five more minutes before she texted him to fuck off and stop wasting her time. 

“You need anything, sweetheart?” The young, kind waitress approaches her table, having just cleaned the adjacent one. 

“Oh, no thanks. I’m just waiting for someone.”

The woman nods with a smile while heading back to her cashier post towards the back of the coffee shop. The bell above the door jingles and McKenzie’s attention turns towards the figure walking in. Brandon. 

At first, he steps towards the register, but immediately veers towards McKenzie once he spots her. 

“Hey. Thanks for meeting me here,” he greets as he sits. “Sorry I was a little late.”

McKenzie waves her hand in dismissal, sitting up in her chair. “It’s fine.”

“I actually was gonna try and be here earlier but I’m still earning my way back in your dad and Rev’s good graces. They made me clean all the bikes and the last shit I need is them on my ass about a missed spot or something. Plus, Teller was there. Didn’t need him ratting me out to them.”

McKenzie furrows her eyebrows. “What’s your beef with Teller?”

“Nothing. He’s a dick and I don’t think he’s gonna be much of a problem for any longer.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Brandon glares at her, scoffing. “Guess I shouldn’t be surprised you’re kissing his ass like everybody else. You don’t know him as well as you think you do.”

McKenzie swallowed thickly at the comment. It was for her sake that Brandon wasn’t privy to just how well McKenzie knew Jax. Physically, at least.

Whatever was up Brandon’s ass was irrelevant and she didn’t want to venture further into a conversation about Jax, so she switches gears. 

“What did you want to talk about?”

Brandon takes the bait, veering back to the topic at hand. “I don’t really know where to start. I know I put you through a lot. With the cheating and everything… I’ll tell you anything you want to know. But I figured you deserve the full story, so I guess I’ll start from the beginning?”

When they had first broken up, she had wished for this honesty. It was what she was owed in her mind. Now, she’s not sure she even cares. 

Her nod is mechanical as she waits to listen to what she’s not so sure she wants to hear. 

“OK, so the first time I cheated on you, it was a mistake. Truly. I don’t even know if you remember that night but I remember that we had got into that big fight. You got mad because I was working behind the bar and thought I was flirting with one of the customers.”

“I remember.” She interjects.

Brandon nods. “It just spiraled from there. You kept saying that you felt like something was off, that we were distant.” 

“Well, I wasn’t crazy for thinking that,” she mutters.

Brandon hangs his head. “No, I guess you weren’t. I was just so pissed after that argument that I went for a ride. Landed in the town over. No one knew me. Knew that I was in a relationship. It just felt good. Familiar. To not have any responsibilities or someone who people are dependent on. It felt easy. And things with us were the opposite of that, so I chased the feeling. The cheating just… happened.”

McKenzie stared at him, watching him as he explained his inner thoughts at the time. She’d give anything to look away.

The words flow out of her mouth harshly. “It didn’t just happen. You made a deliberate choice. Wanting to escape your responsibilities, I can get that, but there’s a difference between taking some time away and putting your dick in another woman. Multiple, actually.”

Brandon doesn’t even bother denying it. “I get it. At first, drinking was enough for escape. But shit, I drink even when I’m not looking for an escape, so there’s only so much that can help. I needed more. Someone else to distract me from our problems. And then… I mean the more I did it, the better it felt. And I should’ve told you, I know that, but cheating seemed easier and it would only make our issues multiply, had I been honest.”

It’s only with impulse control that she doesn’t slam her fist down on the table to get him to stop talking. 

She takes in a shaky breath before finally asking. “How many women did you bring back to our place?”

“...Do you really want to know?” Brandon fidgets in his seat, rubbing at his mouth first before scratching the back of his head.

McKenzie nods.

“Six.”

“Six times.” Her throat clenches as she repeats him. “And it was six different women?”

She feels her nose burning watching him nod. Her eyes shone with hurt and anger. “What the fuck is wrong with you? How could you have not told me any of this? I don’t get it. I don’t know why you did any of this. Why you asked me to move in with you. Why you asked me to marry you. You’ve been stringing me along for over a year!”

“I just told you why, McKenzie. Because it was easier. I mean, come on,” he sighs exasperatedly. “Did you really think we were gonna make it down the aisle? That we were gonna be together forever? There’s no way you can look me in the eye and tell me that.” 

“I thought things were hard but I think giving me a ring sent a pretty clear signal that you were willing to put in effort to make things work. Supposed to, anyway.” She snapped. “I mean, talk about fucking mixed signals. What kind of logic were you expecting me to have to think that you saying you wanted to marry me meant that you actually wanted to break up? You should’ve just grown a pair and told me the truth.”

Brandon’s eyes narrow in frustration. “You aren’t naive, McKenzie. You knew that I wasn’t happy. And don’t delude yourself into thinking you were happy either. Our relationship was crumbs. Shit, by the end, we were barely sleeping together.” 

“That didn’t fucking stop you from getting it somewhere,” she bit out before releasing a shaky, resigned breath. “I know that things were difficult, but I wasn’t ready to give up, Brandon. You giving me that ring made me think that you weren’t ready to give up, either. Made me think that you still loved me and that we’d get through the rough patch. But you didn’t mean any of that shit and I really, really wish you would’ve just been upfront with me.”

“It’s not like I can go back and change what happened. All I can do is apologize and hope that we can move forward. I fucked up, I know that. All I can do from here is be better and move on.”

“Yeah, with your new girl.”

Brandon scoffs. “So that’s what you’re pissed about? Because I’m with someone new?”

“I’m pissed because I wasted five years of my life fully committed to you, loving you, standing by you when you were off sleeping with God knows how many women. And then what, days after you break up with me, you not only have a new girl, but you’re parading her around me and my family like nothing happened? And now the kicker is that you’re sitting in front of me that you two have gotten so serious to the point where you’ve had this epiphany that now you should be a better man. She means that much to you. But me? Your former fiancee couldn’t have been given enough respect to sit down and have an honest conversation until after the damage is done? I loved you for years and not once did you have the decency to break things off the right way. I don’t mean shit to you, I see that now. I was just a placeholder until something better came along for you.”

Her response is bitter and yet it’s the lightest she’s ever felt now that she’s finally gotten it off her chest. The discomfort and agitation that Brandon displays while clenching his neck means little to her. She just did what she had never gotten to do since everything went to shit: said her piece. 

“McKenzie, I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I should’ve broken up with you way before this. There’s a million things I should’ve done. We were never going to work. And you’ve gotta know that. Our relationship wasn’t good for either of us.”

“All the more reason why you should’ve said something. My only fault here is for being stupid enough to believe you or any or your bullshit.”

“McKenzie-”

“No,” she cuts him off. “I don’t need to hear any of your justifications. You want to ‘move on’, then fine, but I’m not absolving you.”

“Kenz-”

“I wish I had never met you,” McKenzie blurts out, unable to stop in hiding her feelings. She ignores how his expression darkens. “I wish I never fell for you. I wish I never worked so hard to make sure that my dad and family approved of you. And I sure as hell wish I never said yes to you. Every bad thing in my life points back to you.”

Brandon’s voice sharpens even in his low tone. “You don’t mean that.”

“I do. With everything in me. And I don’t even know why you would care since my feelings never mattered to you. All you ever did was hurt me, and I let you. But not anymore.” Her voice gets louder as she continues, filled with more ire as she watches outrage contort his face. “I’m so sick and tired of you blaming me for things that aren’t my fault. I’m not letting you do that to me anymore, either.”

“Keep your voice down,” he hisses. 

“Don’t tell me what the fuck to do!” His words that were aimed at getting her to calm down only set her off. “You don’t get to control me.”

“That’s enough.”

“Or what?”

By now, their harsh exchange of words had captured more than a few eyes. 

She didn’t care. She was tired of making herself small for others. Especially him. As far as everyone was concerned, she hoped the unintentional witnesses of their outburst enjoyed the show. She got out practically everything she needed to say to him, so she breathed another heavy sigh before closing what was hopefully their final chapter.

“You’re the worst thing that’s ever happened to me,” she says, her voice lowered but still firm. “You ruined my life, and you’re probably gonna do the same to poor Pauletta but that’s none of my business. You can sit here and try to feel better about yourself, but you’re a pathetic excuse of a man. I don’t know if it’s because you were so miserable with me, or if it’s because you hate yourself and want to make others feel that way, too, but that’s none of my business either. Because I’m done. I don’t care to hear any of your explanations anymore. It doesn’t matter. None of that changes what you did to me. And I can walk around the Garden and pretend you don’t exist, but that doesn’t mean we’re good, because we’re not. Have a nice fucking life.”

McKenzie gets up and grabs her things. She walks past his seat to head for the exit when Brandon grabs her arm tightly. 

Absolute fury shines in his eyes. “You better watch your mouth, McKenzie.”

His intimidation should have brought forth fear, but she can’t help the chuckle that escapes her. 

“You can’t hide it for long, can you? Your anger. You come in here on your ‘better man’ bullshit and the second I piss you off, you resort back to old habits.”

His hold tightens, a now painful grasp. 

“Let me go,” she grits out. 

He holds tight, a nasty snarl on his lips that was unfortunately familiar. She contemplates snatching the chair out from under him with each nanosecond that passes.

“Excuse me,” an unfamiliar figure approaches. “Let her go. Right now.” 

She had no idea who the man was, but watches as he pushes against Brandon’s chest with just enough force to get him to let go. The second she was free, she immediately stepped back, holding her arm to her chest.

Brandon launches out of his seat. “Mind your gaddamn business.” 

The anonymous man still stood in front of McKenzie unflinchingly. 

“Pretty sure half the cafe heard your business, hermano. Sounds like you’ve done enough, so why don’t you take a walk?” The guy spoke roughly, pointing towards the door. McKenzie watches Brandon scoff, measuring up the man. He shakes his head, taking a few steps back before narrowing his eyes at her.

“You’re right about one thing. Being with you was the worst mistake of my life.”

He stormed out of the cafe, the door slamming forcefully after him. McKenzie ran her hand through her hair, letting out a huge breath.

After making sure Brandon is gone for good, the man looks back to McKenzie. She feels her eyes burn again as she realizes that people are only just now resuming their attention to their own tables after the whole fiasco. 

“Are you okay, ma’am?” The man asks softly.

“Yes.” McKenzie swallows, slowly nodding. “Yeah, I’m good, really. Thank you…”

“Ezekiel,” he introduced with a kind smile. 

“Thank you, Ezekiel.” 

She attempts to slide past him, desperate to get out of here, before he asks, “Did you need me to walk you to your car or anything?”

McKenzie shakes her head, “No thanks but I appreciate it. Have a good night.”

She left the coffee shop without another word, her head down until the night air hit her face. Once she settles into her car, her head lolls back on the headrest, her eyes closed. She wasn’t sure what to do now. She didn’t know whether to head home to her sister’s house, stop by her parent’s or drive around with no destination. The encounter she just had is taking up all the space in her mind and she needs it to leave. She finds herself dialing a number, hoping for a response as she listens to it ring.

“Hello?”

 She takes a beat before speaking, hoping emotion doesn’t crack in the tenor of her voice.

“Hey, uh, where are you right now?”

“Home. You okay?” Jax asks with mild concern.

“Yeah. Can I come over?”

He answers with zero hesitation, “Of course you can, darlin’.”

“Thanks. I’ll see you in a bit.”

She hangs up the phone, tossing it in the passenger seat before switching gears and heading to Charming. She blinks her eyes several times, unwilling to let tears mask her view of the streets. She meant it with every fiber of her being that she was tired of letting herself be controlled by Brandon. The feelings of loss still ring heavy in the demise of their relationship, but that doesn’t mean she had to let it consume her. The worst was over. Now, it was time to learn how to adjust, pick up the pieces, and continue on. She couldn’t do that with an overstimulated mind so she sought out the first place where she knew she’d be safe to just be. She loves her parents and she loves her sister, but she knows they’ll want answers if they glean how discombobulated she feels right about now. She’d have to talk, she’d have to explain. And then, she’d have to deal with whatever consequences rained Brandon’s way from her family.

With Jax, there were no expectations. 

She pulled up to his house another twenty minutes later and immediately walked up to his front door, not wasting any time. It didn’t take long for her to hear the door become unlocked and for her to be faced with just a handsome, although uncertain, face. 

“Hey…” he ventures, widening the door for her.

She practically leaped onto him, grabbing his face with both hands, and willing their lips to meet. It’s so heated that it has Jax staggering back a step before finding purchase against the open door. He kicks it closed with his foot, an arm around her waist as he carries her further into his living room. 

Their locked embrace only parts when oxygen becomes a requirement, their lips still close in proximity as they catch their breath. He pants, lost in the pout of her lips before focusing on her face as a whole. There’s something he can’t place about her demeanor. It’s laced with the desperation called for in such a steamy moment, but there’s something else slipping from under the heat. 

He doesn’t get a chance to question it before she slips down from his embrace, grabs his hand, and leads him towards his bedroom. He doesn’t resist and his eyes darken, watching her slip her shirt off, met with the sight of her braless. 

She reaches for him, her hands on him in an instant, ridding him of his own shirt before she grabbed at his belt. Her clasps his hands above hers, pausing for just a second.

“Hey…” he gathers her attention. “Before we do this…. Are you okay?”

Now that they’re looking eye to eye, he sees the emotion swimming in hers. 

“I’m fine,” she says.

She plasters on a smile. She’s successful in sliding his belt from between its loops before focusing on her own jeans. Once they’re discarded, she sits on his bed with him towering over her. He lifts her chin.

“Are you sure? Did something happen?” He reaches for her arms, wanting her to stand back up when he notices her subtle wince. His eyes veer over to her arm and he frowns at the sight of discoloration near her wrist. “What’s this?”

“Nothing,” she grabs her arm back from him. “It’s probably from work. Look, are we doing this or not?”

She’s too impatient to wait for an answer before placing a soft kiss on his abs. Her hand slips under his boxers, stroking him with a firmness that juxtaposes the delicateness of her lips on him. It took nothing for them to rid each other of the rest of their clothes, Jax admiring her curvy, regal figure in its most bare form. 

Their bodies moved at an unyielding pace as Jax covered her body with his. 

It was over much too quickly for McKenzie’s liking, despite the fact that he left her panting in satisfaction. He rolls off of her, landing on his back as he, too, catches his breath. 

Now that it’s over, McKenzie’s mind is back to racing and her ex-fiance’s words reappear to the forefront of her mind. Her arm is still tender, more so an annoying reminder that she can’t shake. It’s the gateway portal that flashes her back to the cafe. The harshness with which he spoke to her. The burning sense of worthlessness that it etched into her. The worst part is how he made her feel like she was to blame. Like he had no choice but to cheat and mistreat her and there was something she should’ve done to prevent it. It was all too overwhelming and nothing was alleviating her frazzled head.

Every ounce of concern rushed back to Jax as he looked over and took note of McKenzie’s glassy appearance as she stared up at the ceiling fan.

“Darlin’, what’s wrong? Did I hurt you?” He reaches for her, sitting up with worry. 

“No,” she reassures. “It’s okay, I’m fine.”

She attempts to shuffle away but Jax has his arms in a hold around her waist. 

“What is it, baby?”

The more that she hears the compassion that fills his voice, the more she wants to push away from him. Because she’s seconds from crumbling with every unsuccessful attempt at blocking her evening out from her mind. It’s a battle she’s losing with tears at the brim, begging to cascade down her cheeks. 

Jax, meanwhile, had no idea what was plaguing her so deeply, but he’d never seen her so hurt before. 

His voice becomes desperate. “You can talk to me. Whatever it is.”

She looks at him, believing the sincerity in his eyes. The mirrored look of distress that distorts his face. It breaks the dam open and her tears fall with reckless abandon. A sob escapes her lips as her hands cover her face. 

Jax shifts, pulling her closer into his chest, rubbing her back. Her heavy cries cause his stomach to sink, the reality of her angst coming back with much more force than the inklings of unease she displayed when she first got here. Her body shakes in rhythm with her weeps and he grips her even closer.

What happened is no longer his concern as much as comforting her. Giving her the safe space to let go of everything she’s been holding in. He’d make it right if she’d let him, but for now, he did what he could in the moment and that was to simply hold her.

“I’m not going anywhere,” he whispers into her ear. He’s not sure if she even registers the soft words he utters under his breath to her, but he continues anyway. Continues until her shaking ceases and she lies still in his arms.

Sleep.

The broken-hearted girl in front of him cried herself to sleep and it wrenched at him. 

He throws a hand into his hair, combing it back from his face. As he rolls onto his back, he takes her with him, clutching her to his side as he shifts into comfort. The lights are already off and darkness covers them as their breathing evens out.

She’s never stayed the night before but he wouldn’t let her leave even if she woke up and insisted. There was no way he was letting her be by herself this upset. Even if it was subconsciously, she sought him out for a reason. 

He just hoped that when the dawn rose in the morning, she’d still let him be there for her. 

A/N: Whewww can't believe it's been 2+ years since I've updated this fic. Thank you to all readers, both new and old. Lmk if you wanna be added to the taglist. Please, of course, leave reblogs and comments if you enjoyed. Love you bbs 🫶🏽

[proceduralpassion]

Did I just read that correctly Ezekiel ahhhh. So Brandon is just digging his grave deeper and deeper like how awful is he. I feel like Kenzie sister is going to be the first one to catch them together hahaha omg I loved this chapter so much so happy you are back!!!❤️❤️❤️❤️

Yess, you're absolutely correct! I knew that I was gonna introduce one or two Mayans MC characters, so this was the perfect little spot. We'll see him at least one more time, I think.

Brandon isn't making life easy for anyone around him but especially for himself in the long run.

Debating on one person finding out Jax and McKenzie in the next chapter possibly, but we'll see if it turns out to be Sairah or not. 👀

Thanks so much! I'm excited for where the story is going and I'm happy to see that people still tune in into it.

[proceduralpassion]

I Don't Wanna Be Unfair | Chapter 10

Pairing: Jax Teller x OC Series Masterlist

Summary/synopsis: Fresh off a broken engagement, McKenzie Gilbert has a one night stand with a random guy she never plans to see again. Soon after, their paths cross, which complicates several situations at hand.

Chapter warning(s): language, implied smut, BRANDON, discussion of cheating/manipulation

WC: 7.1k

McKenzie let out a content sigh as she rolled off of Jax and tucked into his side. She glanced up at him and was met with a playful smirk as the SAMCRO president cuddled even closer to her.

“You really enjoyed that.”

She rolled her eyes and gave him a light shove, “You knew what you were doing.”

As they wrestled their clothes off while stumbling into his bedroom earlier, Jax laid down with that lazy leer of his and had requested, “Sit on my face.” McKenzie didn’t hesitate to oblige and now in the aftermath, she rested in his arms spent and satisfied.

Jax moved from his back over to his stomach and sent her a flirty wink before fluttering his eyes in relaxation. Her eyes roamed over his back and they were drawn to the scarred tissue hidden clandestine within his tattoos. The layered edges of the hole told her it was a gunshot wound. She was too enthralled with their hookup to pay much attention during their first night together, but now it seemed blaringly obvious that the man had a sketchy past. Except for as long as she could remember, her entire life had consisted of morally gray men with hearts of gold. 

In a way, he was the most perfectly fitting guy in terms of potential relationships. Brandon was an MC outlaw, sure, but he had joined the life as a means of escape. Jax had been raised in the culture just like she had.

“So how did you get that?”

Jax glanced at her with a hint of confusion.

“The gunshot wound on your back?” It was genuine curiosity, but she realized that it might not be a comfortable topic for him, “You don’t have to talk about it.”

“Nah, it’s fine,” he said with that easy grin of his, “I was a fucking prospect.”

He laughed at himself, at the memories, before venturing into the story, “Red Woody wasn’t always Red Woody. At first, one of our brother’s wives, Luann, had started the company. It was called Cara Cara back then. The club helped her get the building for it and it definitely wasn’t easy. One time, we were so close to the point where JT, my dad, was going to go co-sign the papers the very next day. Then, the realtor calls and says someone put in a better bid and our deal was off. Turns out it was some loser trying to sell hunting gear. There aren’t even any fucking bears in Charming, much less deer,” Jax and McKenzie chuckled together at the commentary. “Me being the prospect and trying to impress my old man, I grab Ope and say ‘Bro, let’s go mess with him a little, convince him to take his shitty little hunting store outta town.’ We find out where he lives and no one’s home, so we snoop around. Found the sale papers from the realtor deal and decided, shit, if there’s no proof of sale, the deal might as well be off. We were gonna rip up the papers and challenge the realtor.”

McKenzie interrupts, “You know the realtor would’ve had copies of those exact papers, right?”

“Yes, I know that now, smart ass.” Jax pokes at her stomach and enjoys her ticklish grins.

“Anyway, we thought we were home alone. Turns out the fucker was just in his back shed with the doors closed. Sneaky as fuck because I didn’t even hear him come in. I just happened to see him pointing a gun at Ope out of the corner of my eye and I jumped in front of him because I knew he wouldn’t react in time. I don’t really remember much after that except for us getting the fuck out of dodge right after. Ope had to practically hold me up himself until we got to the bikes.”

“Damn,” McKenzie whistled in amazement. Humor danced in her eyes, though, as she continued, “If your dad’s anything like mine, then I know he was not amused.”

“Bro, as soon as he saw it was just a flesh wound, he slapped me so fucking hard, I landed against the pool table.”

McKenzie’s cackles filled the room and they only grew louder as Jax laid out the punishment chores he and Opie got assigned not longer after that ill-fated stunt. 

It was only after her laughter died out did she have the chance to remark, “I’m sorry, Jax, but that was really fucking stupid. You absolutely deserve the punishment you got.”

Jax grinned, “I know.” His sigh is filled with notions of bittersweet. It was a fun, chaotic memory that he and his best friend would always share, but it also was a reminder of how quickly things could go left. “The same way my dad was hard on me, I’m sure that’s why your pops was so hard on Brandon. The look of horror on my pop’s face when I burst in with blood pooling all on my side and back was the same look your dad had when he realized Sweets was shot.”

He pauses for a minute before considering. “Sorry, maybe it’s not the best idea to bring your ex up.”

“It’s fine. He’s not Voldemort,” she shrugs. “Besides, it’s not like he’s going anywhere. If my dad was right about one thing, it’s that I might as well get used to being around him.”

“I don’t know who Voldemort is, but yeah, I agree with your dad, too. I just didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“Well, one: we’re definitely going to have to fix that. And two: thanks. I’m good. Trust me.”

Jax nods, throwing his arm around her waist. “He’s an asshole but that doesn’t mean I want the guy to get killed doing something stupid, y’know?”

“I can definitely get that. Maybe even more than you do. Brandon’s always been an act first, think later type of person. I know he means well in the moment, but sometimes he has a habit of getting himself and others into trouble too.” 

“I feel like there’s a story in there somewhere.”

There is, but McKenzie’s just about reached her Brandon quota for the day. She also hates that Jax and SAMCRO are now caught up in mess caused by her ex-fiance. Even more than that, she hates that she can tell that this is all weighing on Jax.

“I’m sorry.” She strokes his cheek, their eyes locking. “You’re responsible for keeping your men safe and I know that has to be a lot of pressure and stress.”

She sees it every day. The toll it takes when you’re responsible for the lives of others. How it’s even more aggrandized when the people you’re protecting are also people that you deeply care for. She’s watched SAMCRO over the past several weeks, taking note of the close bonds weaved within them. It didn’t take her long to realize the parallels she sees with the Street Wolves. They’re more than just a club. They’re a brotherhood. A family.

Jax gazes at her, wearing a look that she can’t quite interpret. 

“What?”

“Nothing,” he shakes his head. “It’s just that, I guess you do know. Our lives aren’t quite so different…”

“Maybe not, but then again, being a family member of the club is still different than actually being a member.”

Jax tilts his head, “If you, Lisa, or Sairah are anything like the women affiliated with SAMCRO, you’re a part of the club in your own way.” He pushes himself up off the bed. “Thank you, though. Seriously.”

McKenzie smiles at him, the sheets bunched up over her. 

“You want something to drink?” He asks as he gets up.

“I’m good.” 

Jax nods before disappearing outside his bedroom door with McKenzie shuffling under the covers. She watches the door he just exited from, unable to characterize just how far her empathy goes for him. 

***

Brandon sat alone outside on the pathway next to the Garden’s parking lot, his eyes glued to Jax’s Dyna amongst the row of bikes near the front of the bar. It’s been two days since he learned about Jax’s past and he’s yet to come to a decision about just what to do about it. He knew he needed to be strategic with the information he’s learned about the SAMCRO president, using it to be its most effectual in getting his way.

The thing is that he’s not sure whether he wants to share what he’s learned of Teller’s past with the rest of the crew yet. Sure, it would be nice to expose the man’s dirty laundry and let his brothers know what kind of grimy man they were doing business with, but it was currently the only card he had to play at the moment. He wondered whether playing it close to the chest was the more clever move to make instead of losing his upper hand so quickly. 

He wasn’t sure yet what to do, but he knew he was going to do something. He can acknowledge that he fucked up, but one would be hard-pressed to convince him that Gil and Rev wouldn’t have chastised him so harshly had it not been for Jax and SAMCRO. And it was pure bullshit. It was one of the Street Wolves after all that got shot, so he didn’t even understand why Gil felt apologetic towards them. They were outlaws, too. They knew the risks. 

Jax wasn’t going to continue walking around like he ran the place. Brandon wouldn’t let him. 

He had every intention of putting the man in his place. Of making sure that he knew that this was still Street Wolves territory and that he wasn’t in charge. 

His goal, for the time being, would be scheming the right way to go about it. And, of course, maybe have some fun at Teller’s expense in the process.

***

Jax steps into the entertainment area of the Street Wolves’ club house, following the aromatic wafts of hashbrowns, grits, and pancakes. A few of the Wolves, along with Bobby and Juice, were already congregating in the room, watching Lisa and Ace unfold the aluminum sheets over the pans of brunch food. They circled the food like lions do their prey and Jax couldn’t blame them. He could already feel his mouth watering from the aroma alone.

“Mornin’,” he greets Rev who’s closest to the door, leaning against the wall with a book in hand. 

“Hey, man. You doing alright?” 

They dap each other up before Jax mimics his stance, leaning next to him. 

“Yep. You?”

“Good. Went to visit Sweets this morning. He was grouchy because I woke him up, but otherwise doing fine considering.”

“Good, that’s good.” Jax muses. His eyes veer back to the brunch spread when Lisa heads downstairs to get plates and utensils. Brandon is standing next to Ace chatting, but his gaze locks with the SAMCRO president instantly, morphing into a smug smirk. Jax’s eyebrows furrow in response, but Brandon is back to his conversation with Ace before he can dwell on it any further.

“Yeah,” Rev continues, “He’ll probably sit home and recuperate for the rest of the week, but that old dog’ll probably be back in no time.” 

Jax chuckles, “I’d expect nothing less. I think I heard him and Chibs making plans to take a ride out to Fresno.”

They both turn towards the door when Lisa returns with McKenzie and Sairah following closely behind. 

“Morning, guys,” Sairah greets.

“Fancy seeing you here,” Rev brings her in for a one-armed hug before pulling McKenzie in for one as well. 

“I don’t have to go into the office until later. Plus I can’t remember the last time I’ve had a hot meal for breakfast.” Sairah turns to Jax. “You don’t know life until you’ve tried my mom’s pecan pancakes.”  

“Well, then I can’t wait to truly start life,” Jax smirks. He avoids more than a few seconds of eye contact with McKenzie, not intent on Sairah clocking anything between them. 

The brief conversation that carries between them pauses once Gil makes his presence known. He addresses the whole room wishing everyone a good morning. 

“Let’s eat,” he enjoins.

The Street Wolves president led the line to grab food, taking loaded servings of all of his wife’s cooking while simultaneously addressing everybody.

“Rev and I went to go see Sweets this morning. He’s doing well, back to his crabby ass self. Cussed us out for being on his doorstep so early in the morning.” The group laughed, the Street Wolves being all too familiar with how much Sweets prioritized his sleep. “He’ll take it easy for the rest of the week, but I’m sure he'll be back in action not long after. Can’t keep an old dog down.”

He continues, “Otherwise, it’s business as usual. Lisa organized this brunch just to keep everyone’s spirits lifted.”

“And your stomachs full. Lord knows half of y’all can’t cook,” she throws in.

Laughter convenes among the group, a gloomy weight lifted off the room. Everyone sits, enjoying their food and making conversation with each other. Jax, McKenzie, Sairah, and Rev all sit towards the end of the long table, chattering amongst themselves.

“So, Jax, do you have a girlfriend?” 

Jax nearly chokes on his piece of bacon as he registers Sairah’s question. Rev snickers. McKenzie eyes the parsley on her grits with more attention than necessary.

“Uh, no…” he finally answers. 

McKenzie gives a sly grin before taking a sip of her orange juice. 

He continues, “I’m single.”

Sairah hums in response. “Nice to know. Now that you’re in Highwater more often, you’ve got a whole new dating pool to explore. Shoot, I’ve got co-workers who want to take a walk on the wild side who’d probably go a round with you.”

“Why do I feel like this is the beginning of a trap?”

“Oh, no such thing,” she says, sipping on her drink with an air of innocence, “Just know that if you’re ever looking for some potential connects, I’m your girl.”

Rev jumps in, “Don’t fall for it, man. I let her set me up on a date once. Never again.” 

“I warned you ahead of time that Cosette was a stage 5 clinger. Not my fault that you kept messing around with her after I told you she’d get attached.” 

Jax and McKenzie both laughed in amusement watching Sairah and Rev go at it. 

“It’s everyday with those two,” McKenzie remarks.

“Hope I’m not interrupting anything.”

Laughter stops and all four pairs of eyes veer to the source of the new voice in their midst. Brandon approaches them, standing adjacent to where Jax and McKenzie sat. McKenzie leans closer into his sister’s space, a move not lost on Sairah or Jax. 

“First, I just wanted to apologize to you,” his words targeted at Jax. “I put SAMCRO in just as much danger as my fellow Street Wolves with the stunt I pulled. Despite my good intentions, I put everyone’s lives at risk and that wasn’t fair. I’m man enough to admit when I’m wrong. It’s not easy for a lot of men, but I don’t want to be that guy.”

Jax would feel appreciative of Brandon’s words if it wasn’t for the smug smirk that colored his face as he finished his spiel. Hearing the words alone, he might’ve paid it no mind, but there was an undertone of arrogance as if Jax was supposed to catch some underlying meaning in his words. 

Still, he stands up and shakes Brandon’s hand, feeling the eyes on him. “I appreciate that, man.”

“Yeah, I just wanted to get that out there. I mean, the last thing I’d want to be is on your bad side, y’know what I mean?” 

Jax’s eyebrows furrow, disquieted by the man’s forced smile. 

“Anyway…” Brandon turns to McKenzie. “You got a minute?”

“Not for you,” Sairah jumps in.

“I wasn’t talking to you,” Brandon snaps.

Rev cuts his eyes, “Watch it.” 

Immediately, McKenzie puts her arms up, not intent on another tension-filled encounter between her sister and ex. 

“It’s fine,” she says. Truth be told, she’d rather be anywhere than stuck in a conversation with him, but it’s nowhere near the first time she’s settled to do things she doesn’t want to do in order to keep the peace. 

She leads them out into the hallway and veers towards the end. She glances at the dorm room that her and Jax had had their shower tryst in and feels her cheeks warm at the memory. The idea of being blocked into any space with Brandon in her way sends unease through her, so she aims to lean against the wall that’s still not far from view of anyone eating in the rec room. 

Crossing her arms against her chest, she sighs, “What is it?”

“I wanted to ask if we could go and talk. Somewhere tonight? Or maybe tomorrow?”

McKenzie stares at him, searching for his angle.

“…why?” She finally asks.

He sighs, taking a step closer before halting at the sight of her tensing. He steps back, looking directly at her.

“I just have some things to get off my chest. I’ve had some time to think about things. Reflect.  Pauletta’s been helping me work through some things.”

McKenzie immediately scoffs. 

“I’m just trying to be a better man for her. And she thinks that us moving forward in our relationship would go a lot smoother if we air things out for good.”

She hums, “So you’re doing this for her?” 

“I’m doing this for myself. I have a lot of things I need to get off my chest. About our relationship. About everything that happened. I don’t want to go around carrying all this guilt. We both deserve to move on for good, and in order for that to happen, you need to know the full truth.”

McKenzie stood there, taking in his words. Trying to decipher whether it was genuine or just a bunch of bull. The guy before her sounds a lot more mature and introspective than the man she was in a relationship with for several years. It takes her back to the beginning of their dynamic, when she fell in love with him. The realization leaves a weight tugging in her stomach.

Brandon presses. “I’ll leave you alone after this, I promise.” 

Ultimately, she knew he wouldn’t give in until she gave him the answer she wanted, but it didn’t take long for her to truly consider for herself that she wanted to hear what he had to say. Her confidence was waning, but, on the off chance, that he had a genuine reason behind how he’s treated her, she wants to hear it. 

She finally agrees. “Fine. But we’ll do it somewhere public.”

His smarmy smirk returns. “What? You don’t trust me enough to meet in private?”

No source of humor shows on McKenzie’s face. His smile falls at the seriousness in her eyes. 

“Okay,” he finally says with a nod. “We can meet up at the coffee shop you like on Swan Street? Does tomorrow work for you?”

“Yeah.”

“Thanks.” He starts to head back to go eat. “I’ll see you then.”

She gives a slight nod before waiting a moment, allowing him to enter first before heading back to where she was sitting. Jax and Rev have just finished with their meals and are catching up with Gil on the opposite end of the room.

Immediately, Sairah pressed her, “What the hell did he want?”

McKenzie gives a light shrug, “He just wants to talk.’’

“About what?”

“I don’t know. I guess he’s looking for closure? He just said he wants us to have it out. Explain things. We’re gonna meet up at the cafe tomorrow.”

Hesitation covers her little sister’s face. Her voice lowers as she asks, “You’re not…you’re not thinking of getting back together with him, are you?” 

“Are you shitting me?” The stark disbelief on McKenzie’s face immediately answers her question. “Hell no! He’s on his ‘better man’ bullshit, apparently. I guess things with him and Pauletta are progressing mighty fine…”

“God, I hate a dumb bitch. Especially when she actually seems sweet.” 

McKenzie sighs, “Well, it’s whatever. He’s not my problem anymore, so hopefully this is the end.”

***

McKenzie sat at the table set near the window, her anxiety on a ten as she waited for her ex-fiance. He was already ten minutes late and she was beyond ready to get this over with. She’d give him five more minutes before she texted him to fuck off and stop wasting her time. 

“You need anything, sweetheart?” The young, kind waitress approaches her table, having just cleaned the adjacent one. 

“Oh, no thanks. I’m just waiting for someone.”

The woman nods with a smile while heading back to her cashier post towards the back of the coffee shop. The bell above the door jingles and McKenzie’s attention turns towards the figure walking in. Brandon. 

At first, he steps towards the register, but immediately veers towards McKenzie once he spots her. 

“Hey. Thanks for meeting me here,” he greets as he sits. “Sorry I was a little late.”

McKenzie waves her hand in dismissal, sitting up in her chair. “It’s fine.”

“I actually was gonna try and be here earlier but I’m still earning my way back in your dad and Rev’s good graces. They made me clean all the bikes and the last shit I need is them on my ass about a missed spot or something. Plus, Teller was there. Didn’t need him ratting me out to them.”

McKenzie furrows her eyebrows. “What’s your beef with Teller?”

“Nothing. He’s a dick and I don’t think he’s gonna be much of a problem for any longer.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Brandon glares at her, scoffing. “Guess I shouldn’t be surprised you’re kissing his ass like everybody else. You don’t know him as well as you think you do.”

McKenzie swallowed thickly at the comment. It was for her sake that Brandon wasn’t privy to just how well McKenzie knew Jax. Physically, at least.

Whatever was up Brandon’s ass was irrelevant and she didn’t want to venture further into a conversation about Jax, so she switches gears. 

“What did you want to talk about?”

Brandon takes the bait, veering back to the topic at hand. “I don’t really know where to start. I know I put you through a lot. With the cheating and everything… I’ll tell you anything you want to know. But I figured you deserve the full story, so I guess I’ll start from the beginning?”

When they had first broken up, she had wished for this honesty. It was what she was owed in her mind. Now, she’s not sure she even cares. 

Her nod is mechanical as she waits to listen to what she’s not so sure she wants to hear. 

“OK, so the first time I cheated on you, it was a mistake. Truly. I don’t even know if you remember that night but I remember that we had got into that big fight. You got mad because I was working behind the bar and thought I was flirting with one of the customers.”

“I remember.” She interjects.

Brandon nods. “It just spiraled from there. You kept saying that you felt like something was off, that we were distant.” 

“Well, I wasn��t crazy for thinking that,” she mutters.

Brandon hangs his head. “No, I guess you weren’t. I was just so pissed after that argument that I went for a ride. Landed in the town over. No one knew me. Knew that I was in a relationship. It just felt good. Familiar. To not have any responsibilities or someone who people are dependent on. It felt easy. And things with us were the opposite of that, so I chased the feeling. The cheating just… happened.”

McKenzie stared at him, watching him as he explained his inner thoughts at the time. She’d give anything to look away.

The words flow out of her mouth harshly. “It didn’t just happen. You made a deliberate choice. Wanting to escape your responsibilities, I can get that, but there’s a difference between taking some time away and putting your dick in another woman. Multiple, actually.”

Brandon doesn’t even bother denying it. “I get it. At first, drinking was enough for escape. But shit, I drink even when I’m not looking for an escape, so there’s only so much that can help. I needed more. Someone else to distract me from our problems. And then… I mean the more I did it, the better it felt. And I should’ve told you, I know that, but cheating seemed easier and it would only make our issues multiply, had I been honest.”

It’s only with impulse control that she doesn’t slam her fist down on the table to get him to stop talking. 

She takes in a shaky breath before finally asking. “How many women did you bring back to our place?”

“...Do you really want to know?” Brandon fidgets in his seat, rubbing at his mouth first before scratching the back of his head.

McKenzie nods.

“Six.”

“Six times.” Her throat clenches as she repeats him. “And it was six different women?”

She feels her nose burning watching him nod. Her eyes shone with hurt and anger. “What the fuck is wrong with you? How could you have not told me any of this? I don’t get it. I don’t know why you did any of this. Why you asked me to move in with you. Why you asked me to marry you. You’ve been stringing me along for over a year!”

“I just told you why, McKenzie. Because it was easier. I mean, come on,” he sighs exasperatedly. “Did you really think we were gonna make it down the aisle? That we were gonna be together forever? There’s no way you can look me in the eye and tell me that.” 

“I thought things were hard but I think giving me a ring sent a pretty clear signal that you were willing to put in effort to make things work. Supposed to, anyway.” She snapped. “I mean, talk about fucking mixed signals. What kind of logic were you expecting me to have to think that you saying you wanted to marry me meant that you actually wanted to break up? You should’ve just grown a pair and told me the truth.”

Brandon’s eyes narrow in frustration. “You aren’t naive, McKenzie. You knew that I wasn’t happy. And don’t delude yourself into thinking you were happy either. Our relationship was crumbs. Shit, by the end, we were barely sleeping together.” 

“That didn’t fucking stop you from getting it somewhere,” she bit out before releasing a shaky, resigned breath. “I know that things were difficult, but I wasn’t ready to give up, Brandon. You giving me that ring made me think that you weren’t ready to give up, either. Made me think that you still loved me and that we’d get through the rough patch. But you didn’t mean any of that shit and I really, really wish you would’ve just been upfront with me.”

“It’s not like I can go back and change what happened. All I can do is apologize and hope that we can move forward. I fucked up, I know that. All I can do from here is be better and move on.”

“Yeah, with your new girl.”

Brandon scoffs. “So that’s what you’re pissed about? Because I’m with someone new?”

“I’m pissed because I wasted five years of my life fully committed to you, loving you, standing by you when you were off sleeping with God knows how many women. And then what, days after you break up with me, you not only have a new girl, but you’re parading her around me and my family like nothing happened? And now the kicker is that you’re sitting in front of me that you two have gotten so serious to the point where you’ve had this epiphany that now you should be a better man. She means that much to you. But me? Your former fiancee couldn’t have been given enough respect to sit down and have an honest conversation until after the damage is done? I loved you for years and not once did you have the decency to break things off the right way. I don’t mean shit to you, I see that now. I was just a placeholder until something better came along for you.”

Her response is bitter and yet it’s the lightest she’s ever felt now that she’s finally gotten it off her chest. The discomfort and agitation that Brandon displays while clenching his neck means little to her. She just did what she had never gotten to do since everything went to shit: said her piece. 

“McKenzie, I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I should’ve broken up with you way before this. There’s a million things I should’ve done. We were never going to work. And you’ve gotta know that. Our relationship wasn’t good for either of us.”

“All the more reason why you should’ve said something. My only fault here is for being stupid enough to believe you or any or your bullshit.”

“McKenzie-”

“No,” she cuts him off. “I don’t need to hear any of your justifications. You want to ‘move on’, then fine, but I’m not absolving you.”

“Kenz-”

“I wish I had never met you,” McKenzie blurts out, unable to stop in hiding her feelings. She ignores how his expression darkens. “I wish I never fell for you. I wish I never worked so hard to make sure that my dad and family approved of you. And I sure as hell wish I never said yes to you. Every bad thing in my life points back to you.”

Brandon’s voice sharpens even in his low tone. “You don’t mean that.”

“I do. With everything in me. And I don’t even know why you would care since my feelings never mattered to you. All you ever did was hurt me, and I let you. But not anymore.” Her voice gets louder as she continues, filled with more ire as she watches outrage contort his face. “I’m so sick and tired of you blaming me for things that aren’t my fault. I’m not letting you do that to me anymore, either.”

“Keep your voice down,” he hisses. 

“Don’t tell me what the fuck to do!” His words that were aimed at getting her to calm down only set her off. “You don’t get to control me.”

“That’s enough.”

“Or what?”

By now, their harsh exchange of words had captured more than a few eyes. 

She didn’t care. She was tired of making herself small for others. Especially him. As far as everyone was concerned, she hoped the unintentional witnesses of their outburst enjoyed the show. She got out practically everything she needed to say to him, so she breathed another heavy sigh before closing what was hopefully their final chapter.

“You’re the worst thing that’s ever happened to me,” she says, her voice lowered but still firm. “You ruined my life, and you’re probably gonna do the same to poor Pauletta but that’s none of my business. You can sit here and try to feel better about yourself, but you’re a pathetic excuse of a man. I don’t know if it’s because you were so miserable with me, or if it’s because you hate yourself and want to make others feel that way, too, but that’s none of my business either. Because I’m done. I don’t care to hear any of your explanations anymore. It doesn’t matter. None of that changes what you did to me. And I can walk around the Garden and pretend you don’t exist, but that doesn’t mean we’re good, because we’re not. Have a nice fucking life.”

McKenzie gets up and grabs her things. She walks past his seat to head for the exit when Brandon grabs her arm tightly. 

Absolute fury shines in his eyes. “You better watch your mouth, McKenzie.”

His intimidation should have brought forth fear, but she can’t help the chuckle that escapes her. 

“You can’t hide it for long, can you? Your anger. You come in here on your ‘better man’ bullshit and the second I piss you off, you resort back to old habits.”

His hold tightens, a now painful grasp. 

“Let me go,” she grits out. 

He holds tight, a nasty snarl on his lips that was unfortunately familiar. She contemplates snatching the chair out from under him with each nanosecond that passes.

“Excuse me,” an unfamiliar figure approaches. “Let her go. Right now.” 

She had no idea who the man was, but watches as he pushes against Brandon’s chest with just enough force to get him to let go. The second she was free, she immediately stepped back, holding her arm to her chest.

Brandon launches out of his seat. “Mind your gaddamn business.” 

The anonymous man still stood in front of McKenzie unflinchingly. 

“Pretty sure half the cafe heard your business, hermano. Sounds like you’ve done enough, so why don’t you take a walk?” The guy spoke roughly, pointing towards the door. McKenzie watches Brandon scoff, measuring up the man. He shakes his head, taking a few steps back before narrowing his eyes at her.

“You’re right about one thing. Being with you was the worst mistake of my life.”

He stormed out of the cafe, the door slamming forcefully after him. McKenzie ran her hand through her hair, letting out a huge breath.

After making sure Brandon is gone for good, the man looks back to McKenzie. She feels her eyes burn again as she realizes that people are only just now resuming their attention to their own tables after the whole fiasco. 

“Are you okay, ma’am?” The man asks softly.

“Yes.” McKenzie swallows, slowly nodding. “Yeah, I’m good, really. Thank you…”

“Ezekiel,” he introduced with a kind smile. 

“Thank you, Ezekiel.” 

She attempts to slide past him, desperate to get out of here, before he asks, “Did you need me to walk you to your car or anything?”

McKenzie shakes her head, “No thanks but I appreciate it. Have a good night.”

She left the coffee shop without another word, her head down until the night air hit her face. Once she settles into her car, her head lolls back on the headrest, her eyes closed. She wasn’t sure what to do now. She didn’t know whether to head home to her sister’s house, stop by her parent’s or drive around with no destination. The encounter she just had is taking up all the space in her mind and she needs it to leave. She finds herself dialing a number, hoping for a response as she listens to it ring.

“Hello?”

 She takes a beat before speaking, hoping emotion doesn’t crack in the tenor of her voice.

“Hey, uh, where are you right now?”

“Home. You okay?” Jax asks with mild concern.

“Yeah. Can I come over?”

He answers with zero hesitation, “Of course you can, darlin’.”

“Thanks. I’ll see you in a bit.”

She hangs up the phone, tossing it in the passenger seat before switching gears and heading to Charming. She blinks her eyes several times, unwilling to let tears mask her view of the streets. She meant it with every fiber of her being that she was tired of letting herself be controlled by Brandon. The feelings of loss still ring heavy in the demise of their relationship, but that doesn’t mean she had to let it consume her. The worst was over. Now, it was time to learn how to adjust, pick up the pieces, and continue on. She couldn’t do that with an overstimulated mind so she sought out the first place where she knew she’d be safe to just be. She loves her parents and she loves her sister, but she knows they’ll want answers if they glean how discombobulated she feels right about now. She’d have to talk, she’d have to explain. And then, she’d have to deal with whatever consequences rained Brandon’s way from her family.

With Jax, there were no expectations. 

She pulled up to his house another twenty minutes later and immediately walked up to his front door, not wasting any time. It didn’t take long for her to hear the door become unlocked and for her to be faced with just a handsome, although uncertain, face. 

“Hey…” he ventures, widening the door for her.

She practically leaped onto him, grabbing his face with both hands, and willing their lips to meet. It’s so heated that it has Jax staggering back a step before finding purchase against the open door. He kicks it closed with his foot, an arm around her waist as he carries her further into his living room. 

Their locked embrace only parts when oxygen becomes a requirement, their lips still close in proximity as they catch their breath. He pants, lost in the pout of her lips before focusing on her face as a whole. There’s something he can’t place about her demeanor. It’s laced with the desperation called for in such a steamy moment, but there’s something else slipping from under the heat. 

He doesn’t get a chance to question it before she slips down from his embrace, grabs his hand, and leads him towards his bedroom. He doesn’t resist and his eyes darken, watching her slip her shirt off, met with the sight of her braless. 

She reaches for him, her hands on him in an instant, ridding him of his own shirt before she grabbed at his belt. Her clasps his hands above hers, pausing for just a second.

“Hey…” he gathers her attention. “Before we do this…. Are you okay?”

Now that they’re looking eye to eye, he sees the emotion swimming in hers. 

“I’m fine,” she says.

She plasters on a smile. She’s successful in sliding his belt from between its loops before focusing on her own jeans. Once they’re discarded, she sits on his bed with him towering over her. He lifts her chin.

“Are you sure? Did something happen?” He reaches for her arms, wanting her to stand back up when he notices her subtle wince. His eyes veer over to her arm and he frowns at the sight of discoloration near her wrist. “What’s this?”

“Nothing,” she grabs her arm back from him. “It’s probably from work. Look, are we doing this or not?”

She’s too impatient to wait for an answer before placing a soft kiss on his abs. Her hand slips under his boxers, stroking him with a firmness that juxtaposes the delicateness of her lips on him. It took nothing for them to rid each other of the rest of their clothes, Jax admiring her curvy, regal figure in its most bare form. 

Their bodies moved at an unyielding pace as Jax covered her body with his. 

It was over much too quickly for McKenzie’s liking, despite the fact that he left her panting in satisfaction. He rolls off of her, landing on his back as he, too, catches his breath. 

Now that it’s over, McKenzie’s mind is back to racing and her ex-fiance’s words reappear to the forefront of her mind. Her arm is still tender, more so an annoying reminder that she can’t shake. It’s the gateway portal that flashes her back to the cafe. The harshness with which he spoke to her. The burning sense of worthlessness that it etched into her. The worst part is how he made her feel like she was to blame. Like he had no choice but to cheat and mistreat her and there was something she should’ve done to prevent it. It was all too overwhelming and nothing was alleviating her frazzled head.

Every ounce of concern rushed back to Jax as he looked over and took note of McKenzie’s glassy appearance as she stared up at the ceiling fan.

“Darlin’, what’s wrong? Did I hurt you?” He reaches for her, sitting up with worry. 

“No,” she reassures. “It’s okay, I’m fine.”

She attempts to shuffle away but Jax has his arms in a hold around her waist. 

“What is it, baby?”

The more that she hears the compassion that fills his voice, the more she wants to push away from him. Because she’s seconds from crumbling with every unsuccessful attempt at blocking her evening out from her mind. It’s a battle she’s losing with tears at the brim, begging to cascade down her cheeks. 

Jax, meanwhile, had no idea what was plaguing her so deeply, but he’d never seen her so hurt before. 

His voice becomes desperate. “You can talk to me. Whatever it is.”

She looks at him, believing the sincerity in his eyes. The mirrored look of distress that distorts his face. It breaks the dam open and her tears fall with reckless abandon. A sob escapes her lips as her hands cover her face. 

Jax shifts, pulling her closer into his chest, rubbing her back. Her heavy cries cause his stomach to sink, the reality of her angst coming back with much more force than the inklings of unease she displayed when she first got here. Her body shakes in rhythm with her weeps and he grips her even closer.

What happened is no longer his concern as much as comforting her. Giving her the safe space to let go of everything she’s been holding in. He’d make it right if she’d let him, but for now, he did what he could in the moment and that was to simply hold her.

“I’m not going anywhere,” he whispers into her ear. He’s not sure if she even registers the soft words he utters under his breath to her, but he continues anyway. Continues until her shaking ceases and she lies still in his arms.

Sleep.

The broken-hearted girl in front of him cried herself to sleep and it wrenched at him. 

He throws a hand into his hair, combing it back from his face. As he rolls onto his back, he takes her with him, clutching her to his side as he shifts into comfort. The lights are already off and darkness covers them as their breathing evens out.

She’s never stayed the night before but he wouldn’t let her leave even if she woke up and insisted. There was no way he was letting her be by herself this upset. Even if it was subconsciously, she sought him out for a reason. 

He just hoped that when the dawn rose in the morning, she’d still let him be there for her. 

A/N: Whewww can't believe it's been 2+ years since I've updated this fic. Thank you to all readers, both new and old. Lmk if you wanna be added to the taglist. Please, of course, leave reblogs and comments if you enjoyed. Love you bbs 🫶🏽

[proceduralpassion]

Just kidding! I think I might update tonight instead! Who's ready?!

Depending on how the week goes, I might update IDWBU on Tuesday!

[proceduralpassion]

If there's any moral to The Secret History, it's that being basic is okay sometimes

[proceduralpassion]

Depending on how the week goes, I might update IDWBU on Tuesday!

[proceduralpassion]

Henry's belief that he would have different dreams if he slept in a different bed might be the sweetest thing I've ever heard in my life.

[proceduralpassion]

Just finished reading The Secret History whewww. 4.5/5 ⭐

[proceduralpassion]

Gonna go ahead and warn y'all that there's so much Brandon in this chapter, and he truly belongs under the prison for his transgressions 😭😭

I don't have a particular day when I know that I'm gonna post a new chapter for IDBWU, but I'm already at 2.2k words and I anticipate writing at least double that in terms of what I've got outlined, and honestly probably even more. I'll just keep this as a little accountability thread to see how well I do with writing this week.

[proceduralpassion]

3.9k words, not bad for how busy these past two days have been

I don't have a particular day when I know that I'm gonna post a new chapter for IDBWU, but I'm already at 2.2k words and I anticipate writing at least double that in terms of what I've got outlined, and honestly probably even more. I'll just keep this as a little accountability thread to see how well I do with writing this week.

[proceduralpassion]

do you feel like youre annoying online?

[proceduralpassion]

3.1k words 💻

I don't have a particular day when I know that I'm gonna post a new chapter for IDBWU, but I'm already at 2.2k words and I anticipate writing at least double that in terms of what I've got outlined, and honestly probably even more. I'll just keep this as a little accountability thread to see how well I do with writing this week.

[proceduralpassion]

I love these pictures of her , she looks so timeless.