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When it comes to asexual allyship a lot of people wanna have their cake and eat it too (pun unintended). People like a lil 'aces are valid' moment but don't actually unpack compulsory sexuality. People see sexless queer representation and always clock puritanism before they ever clock asexuality. No one's actually reading the ace theory and texts coming out. Everyone keeps doing surprised Pikachu faces whenever a conservative or TERF says they're against asexuality despite the fact ace activists have been saying since day conservatives are not anti sex but anti sexual autonomy. 'Aces are queer' until we actually are. Even ace support posts keep ending with some expectation or condition that asexuality is #valid as long as asexuals still perform a small quota of sex/sexual activity. I'm so over 'Aces still have sex!' 'Aces are hot' Aces are sexy' 'Aces aren't virgin vanilla prude sexless puritans!' disguised as support.

Like no. Sorry. Until you accept that some asexual people's no is permanent, that some asexual's singleness is permanent, that some asexual's childless-ness is permanent, that some asexuals are the 'no' in little to no sexual attraction and i'd say most importantly, that queer sexlessness isn't a biological, social or moral failing, I don't believe you'll ever genuinely support asexuality. (In reverse, I also feel similar about aromanticism and romance).

Like a lot of u haven't gone beyond 'the a isn't for ally' and it shows. I don't want people to support asexuals just because we're soooo hot or because we write the best smut apparently or because we could have hypothetical sex or because we could do hypothetical kink or because our minds are soooo dirty actually or because we'd do romance reallllyyyy well or because we can still have kids or because asexuals hand out water bottles at the orgy or some shit. I want people to support asexuality because no sexuality is deviant and it's basic human decency.

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[extremely biased Dorian romancer voice] Guys, I think we won.

I know it's more common to hear that Solas romancers won - and after seeing how much extra content they got (additional dialogue trees with the Inquisitor and a whole alternate ending with a kiss), I can definitely see why.

But that's the thing - I've seen Solas romancers utterly split on if they liked this extra content or not. I've seen takes ranging from, "oh, I'm so glad I finally got my happy ending!" to "what the hell? This is awful!"

I've seen people heaping endless praise onto Solas' characterization. I've seen people deeply upset over Solas' characterization. I've seen people who think the Inquisitor vowing to save Solas is the most romantic thing ever. I've seen people who hate how the writing portrayed the Inquisitor as hopeless, blinded by love, and shadowed by Solas' dynamic with Mythal.

Case being... the fanbase is polarized. Some people won, but some people lost very, very bad. I've noticed the latter with those who had Inquisitors that romanced Solas, but wound up angry and vowing to stop him.

So, back to my first point. How did Dorian romancers "win"? For lack of a better term.

Well, for one, we got more content than every other romance (barring Solas'). I'm mad on behalf of the other romances, but there's no denying we made it out VERY lucky in that regard. Could it have been better? Yeah. But honestly, in comparison to Hawke talking about their romanced companion, I feel like we won. Not a huge win (Warden Alistair's dialogue about the HoF was a MASSIVE win), but a pretty good victory nonetheless.

Romance wise we got: direct, in-character interaction that alludes to Trespasser's conflict with the anchor secretly killing the Inquisitor. Sweet idle dialogue from Dorian. An immensely touching letter from Dorian that logically concludes his character arc from Inquisition (with him no longer being allergic to The L Word!). And we even got a Dorian romanced Inquisitor implying that he's up in Minrathous enough to consider himself a source of information for the Inquisition.

Generally, we got: Dorian being written in character (this is helped by him showing up as a side character and not a main one... less questionable decisions), with notable development stemming from what was planted in Inquisition (working through emotional repression, abolition and enacting societal change, etc). The option to make Dorian Archon or not, allowing for the player to decide what future they want for him. The Inquisitor wearing the Shadow Dragon casual outfit and arranging meetings in Dock Town of all places. Both of them surviving to the end of Veilguard. Both of them working and fighting together in the finale to save Minrathous and stop the gods despite the Inquisitor's duties in the south. Heavy implications that Dorian and the Inquisitor have been talking off screen about Rook and about recent events. Vague timeline that allows for several headcanons to fit - like, are they married? Engaged? Idk. How often does the Inquisitor visit? Well, often enough to consider himself a direct source of information, but with recent events, he and Dorian have been forced to use the calling crystals and write letters over the course of weeks... so really, it's up to you.

What we didn't get: Maybe a dialogue tree during Rook's conversations with the Inquisitor. Uhhh, there's one optional dialogue response if you're too formal with the Inquisitor where he calls Dorian an old friend. Which Dorian also does to the Inquisitor in Trespasser. Literally the same exact wording of "old friend". I can't be too mad over a such a funny oversight happening again. In the exact same way. But this time easily avoidable.

TL;DR - We got a lot of wins, a lack of divisive content, and a generally happy fanbase. That, and the Inquisitor and Dorian standing next to each other. Oh, the screenshots to be had. The whimsy of it all.

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I have fantastic news - there's apparently a line of dialogue exclusive to a Dorian romanced Inquisitor that implies he's up in Minrathous enough to be considered a primary source of information on what's happening up there.

Also, visiting at least once a month? That makes Dorian writing yearning letters and talking about him to random people in the Shadow Dragons hideout even FUNNIER.

Solavellan this, Rookanis that. Can we please talk about how funny it is that Dorian is an absolute husband guy for a romanced Inquisitor. [Dorian voice] I miss my husband, Rook. I miss him a lot. I'll be back.

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Solavellan this, Rookanis that. Can we please talk about how funny it is that Dorian is an absolute husband guy for a romanced Inquisitor. [Dorian voice] I miss my husband, Rook. I miss him a lot. I'll be back.

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Asexuality and Kaidan Alenko

Or, how a bisexual romance option is the only asexual friendly one. With a bit of work.

For a while, there was not a single Mass Effect romance I enjoyed. I found all of the ones I've played through fairly shallow, and as a result, I played as a single Shepard more often than not. Part of this is due to my being aroace - or for the purposes of this post, asexual.

I so badly wanted a romance with ample build up. With an emotional bond before getting together. But due to the nature of the series, most romances are sudden, and are directly tied with sex. Each romance culminates in a sex (or implied sex) scene, where they will leave if you turn it down. This is no fault of the characters, but of the writers for assuming turning down sex was equal to turning down the character entirely.

Even romances without sex scenes aren't exempt from their direct ties with sex. For example, the fan favorite romance with Garrus starts off with Shepard asking for sex out of no where. When it comes to Mass Effect, even if it is not shown, it is implied.

So, where does Kaidan fit into this?

The reason why I didn't even consider Kaidan at first was the knowledge that he (and the other ME1 love interests) were subject to a disease called the late 2000s. Romances are easy to lock into and all culminate in a sex scene. ME2 also default assumes you didn't turn them down for sex and will still act like you banged. Which. Epic game design there!

Even for a Male Shepard romancing Kaidan in ME3, it skips to a sex scene (though this I didn't mind since the build up with the trilogy long Kaidan slow burn was so fulfilling, but that's besides the point).

And then I found out that if you play as a Female Shepard, you can turn Kaidan down for sex in ME3, and he will be the only (and I mean only) romance option who doesn't leave, and instead chooses to cuddle with Shepard. Which. First of all, game changer.

Second of all, and most importantly, this meant that if I wanted to play as an asexual Shepard, all I had to do was play as a Female Shepard, abort Kaidan's romance path early on in ME1 by keeping up formalities, and then romance him in ME3, where you can turn him down for sex two times and he is totally okay with it. And he stays. Both times.

I'm not entirely sure where I'm going with this, but having the option to do such a thing in a game series spanning from 2007-2012 meant a lot to me as an asexual.

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adding onto how i adore the slow burn route for shenko, i've been doing (yet another) slow burn run, but with fem shep, and i wanted to highlight my favorite non-romanced dialogue post horizon regarding kaidan.

talking to the illusive man is fun because his commentary on the whole fiasco basically boils down to "you're not gonna be hung up on this guy and ruin the mission now are you"

and shep has the option to tell him to back the HELL off. which. touchy subject, much?

additionally, talking to kelly chambers after is a treat, especially as a non-romanced female shep, because she will question if shep has "strong feelings" for kaidan, to which if you answer with the "yes" option, shep will not directly answer with "yes", but her words about kaidan indirectly imply the "yes" anyways. which is super nice, imo.

like, you didn't say no, shep! i see you!

and of course, my favorite. shep can get snippy with joker after the latter mentions how it was nice to see kaidan.

joker's "ok well sheesh" reply to this is also humorous bc i can only imagine the crew of the ship watching as shep (specifically one in this situation, or a shep who romanced kaidan in me1) is just a snippy grumpy dick for a bit after horizon lmfao.

all of this dialogue you can dig up, especially for a shep who didn't romance him in me1, makes for suuuuch a juicy slow burn. highly recommend.

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Shenko (And Its Many Variations)

So, I've been replaying the Mass Effect trilogy. In regards to my "canon run", I've been torn between my Male Shepard and my Female Shepard. Their romances with Kaidan both have their pros and cons, and I can't quite decide which one clicks for me. Literally, I made a personal pros and cons list and I still can't decide.

But, this also means I've been a little unwell in the head test trying different scenarios with both Shepards. This post is meant to document my findings and hopefully help out anyone who might want to romance Kaidan, but doesn't know how they want to go about it.

Disclaimer: This post will talk about the vanilla, un-modded Mass Effect trilogy. I play on console, so I tragically do not have the luxury of the Nexus! This is for anyone who plays vanilla or plays on console like me! If you're on PC, and if none of the options below suit you, there is probably a mod that can help you out!

To begin, Shenko is very flexible. There are several variations, and it can easily be sculpted to the preferences of the player. First of all, Kaidan is bisexual, and can be romanced by both Male Shepard and Female Shepard. So, you got those options. You want a slowburn? Yeah, you can avoid romancing anyone until you run into Kaidan again in Mass Effect 3. You want the angsty forbidden love, "we never officially broke up, but we're not really together right now, it's COMPLICATED" dynamic, then yeah! You can get that too! With this in mind, I will be splitting up this post in terms of their different, possible dynamics, and the restrictions that come with each Shepard.

The Slow Burn Dynamic

Kaidan is one of three original companions whose romance can be initiated in Mass Effect 3. If Kaidan has not been romanced in Mass Effect 1, then Shenko becomes more of an angsty slow burn. There are unspoken feelings, lost time... waiting to romance Kaidan in the last game of the series is just as tragic as the other Shenko variations. The only difference is that their feelings were never expressed until the world was ending.

The Slow Burn Dynamic - Male Shepard

In the vanilla game, this is the default dynamic for Male Shepard and Kaidan. He can only be romanced in Mass Effect 3. However, it does not hurt the ship any. With a slow burn in mind, Male Shepard is allowed to talk freely with Kaidan in Mass Effect 1 without accidentally triggering his romance, and without being forced to be rude or turn him down. While it's messed up Kaidan wasn't a romance option for Male Shepard in the first game, we can still take the good from the bad - especially in the context of a slow burn.

Male Shepard's dialogue with Kaidan is a bit more dry in Mass Effect 1. However, a Female Shepard going for a slow burn will also wind up on the same dialogue path as a Male Shepard.

A Shepard on the slow burn path will notice that a lot of Kaidan's dialogue and scenes still seem somewhat... charged. If you haven't romanced anyone, Kaidan will be the companion who interacts with Shepard in Mass Effect 2's prologue, he will still be used to get to Shepard by the Collectors, he will still say losing Shepard felt like losing a limb... there's a lot of goodies to be discovered.

To initiate a slow burn romance with Kaidan as a Male Shepard, you must:

Save Kaidan on Virmire (duh).

Ensure you haven't triggered the romance for any other character by the point of Mass Effect 3. This will lock you out of Kaidan's romance otherwise. I'd recommend not romancing anyone else in the previous two games for the feel of it all, but that is ultimately up to you and your Shepard.

Buy Kaidan the bottle of whiskey while he's in the hospital, exhaust all dialogue with him, and visit whenever you get an email from him.

Avoid killing him during the confrontation and invite him back on the Normandy. Talk to him after every mission.

Meet up with him on the Citadel and return his feelings.

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PROS

There is zero effort required to initiate the slow burn. This is the default state. You will not have to be rude or turn him down in Mass Effect 1.

Kaidan's confession at Apollo's is much more sweet with Male Shepard than it is with Female Shepard due to him being more shy and roundabout in addressing the slow burn. After all this time, indeed...

CONS

Ashley is the character who approaches the beacon on Eden Prime, meaning Male Shepard will not have the opportunity to push Kaidan out of the way and talk to him after the mission.

Kaidan does not hold or kiss Male Shepard's hand while at Apollo's.

Said scene with Kaidan is also cut short in comparison to the one with Female Shepard. A lot of dialogue is cut and it immediately jumps to their sex scene, rather than allowing for Male Shepard to request that they merely cuddle (which Female Shepard CAN do).

The Slow Burn Dynamic - Female Shepard

This is where things get a little tricky. While mostly similar to Male Shepard's, if you're playing as a Female Shepard and want her romance with Kaidan to be a slow burn, you'll have to follow a few specific steps when it comes to Mass Effect 1.

It is notoriously easy to prematurely romance Kaidan as a Female Shepard. Thankfully, there is one specific line of dialogue where you can abort the romance early on.

To initiate a slow burn romance with Kaidan as a Female Shepard, you must:

[True Slow Burn] When talking to Kaidan after the first hearing, you unfortunately must shut him down. This is the only way to avoid Kaidan letting on about his feelings for Female Shepard (aside from outright ignoring him!). When he apologizes for getting informal, choose the bottom-right option: Just be ready.

OR

[OPTIONAL: Turned Down, Followed By a Slow Burn] You can be nice to Kaidan after the first meeting, but this will also mean Kaidan will outwardly ask Female Shepard if he's getting mixed signals or not. You can abort a romance with him by gently turning him down.

Save Kaidan on Virmire (duh).

Ensure you haven't triggered the romance for any other character by the point of Mass Effect 3. This will lock you out of Kaidan's romance otherwise. I'd recommend not romancing anyone else in the previous two games for the feel of it all, but that is ultimately up to you and your Shepard.

Buy Kaidan the bottle of whiskey while he's in the hospital, exhaust all dialogue with him, and visit whenever you get an email from him.

Avoid killing him during the confrontation and invite him back on the Normandy. Talk to him after every mission.

Meet up with him on the Citadel and return his feelings.

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PROS

Kaidan is the character who approaches the beacon on Eden Prime, meaning Female Shepard WILL have the opportunity to push Kaidan out of the way and talk to him after the mission. You can talk to him freely in this conversation, just not the one after the first hearing.

Kaidan will hold and kiss Female Shepard's hand while at Apollo's.

The scene before they attack Cerberus' base with Kaidan is not altered in anyway. There is additional dialogue, and Female Shepard can ask that they merely cuddle instead of have sex. Kaidan is the only love interest in the whole game who will not leave when Shepard asks for this.

[ASEXUAL SHEPARD] Kaidan's slow burn route for a Female Shepard is the only one where you can avoid sex without any consequences (like a character breaking up, leaving the room, or incorrectly claiming they did sleep together). In both the Citadel DLC and in the scene mentioned above, Female Shepard can choose to cuddle with Kaidan and he will be totally fine and happy with this.

CONS

You have to be careful talking to him in Mass Effect 1 if you want a slow burn. Either you'll be forced to be somewhat rude to him (and miss out on a good chunk of his first conversation mentioning Rahna), or you'll have to outright reject him. This does, however, work out well with a Shepard who starts off very formal and cold but defrosts over the course of the plot.

Kaidan's confession at Apollo's is a little bit more generic and blunt than his confession to a Male Shepard.

The Angsty Forbidden Love, "We Never Officially Broke Up, But We're Not Really Together Right Now, It's COMPLICATED" Dynamic

In contrast to a slow burn, one can choose to romance Kaidan in Mass Effect 1. This section will be shorter, since it is unfortunately impossible to romance Kaidan as a Male Shepard in the first game. Without mods, anyways, but that's not what this post is about. There will also be a lack of a pros and cons section, since there is no Male Shepard version of the romance to compare it to. And I won't be comparing this dynamic to the slow burn dynamic because there are no objective pros or cons. Just preferences!

Actually, the only objective pro is that Kaidan's dialogue with a Female Shepard who has not turned his advances down is a lot better and more full of character.

This version of Shenko has very high ups and very low downs! And, of course, many different outcomes. It's the forbidden love in Mass Effect 1. The drama of the Horizon encounter in Mass Effect 2. Kaidan's letter to Shepard. Their reunion in Mass Effect 3. "Don't 'Kaidan' me!"

To initiate an Angsty Forbidden Love, "We Never Officially Broke Up, But We're Not Really Together Right Now, It's COMPLICATED," romance with Kaidan as a Female Shepard, you must:

Talk to Kaidan after every mission in Mass Effect and take all of the kind and flirty dialogue options. Whenever Kaidan asks if he's overstepping, tell him he isn't.

Avoid romancing Liara; you must turn down her advances.

Save Kaidan on Virmire (duh).

Accept Kaidan's company before arriving to Ilos.

You can romance someone else in Mass Effect 2, but I would recommend against it as Kaidan's dialogue is sweeter in Mass Effect 3 if you don't. Again, preferences though! You might like that drama!

Ensure you haven't locked in the romance for any other character by the point of Mass Effect 3.

Buy Kaidan the bottle of whiskey while he's in the hospital, exhaust all dialogue with him, and visit whenever you get an email from him.

Avoid killing him during the confrontation and invite him back on the Normandy. Talk to him after every mission.

Meet up with him on the Citadel and renew your feelings.

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There are also other options, of course. Like not getting back together with him. Not getting with him at all. Letting him die on Virmire. Shooting him during the confrontation. But, these are more self explanatory!

I hope this wall of text was helpful, or at least enjoyable to read! I might have missed something, so if there's any other fun facts you want to share, please feel free to add them! Or ask me any questions! Have fun hunting for that Canadian booty!

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this is literally just femshenko

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i have no horse in this race anymore, but real talk, if they make pharmercy canon that will be the most blatant “we completely ditched all of our original plans to save face and placate the shippers for internet points” pile of schlock i’ve ever seen

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Poem Bangkok ‘Lunar New Year’ 2022 Collection

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"Immature people crave and demand moral certainty: This is bad, this is good. Kids and adolescents struggle to find a sure moral foothold in this bewildering world; they long to feel they’re on the winning side, or at least a member of the team. To them, heroic fantasy may offer a vision of moral clarity. Unfortunately, the pretended Battle Between (unquestioned) Good and (unexamined) Evil obscures instead of clarifying, serving as a mere excuse for violence — as brainless, useless, and base as aggressive war in the real world."

Ursula K Le Guin at it again, being right as always

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i am a private person who doesn’t like talking about their life but who also compulsively overshares at any given opportunity. hope that helps

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whatever souls are made of, yours and mine are the same (insult)

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Metztli was the goddess (or possibly god) of the moon, the night and farmers in Aztec mythology. They were likely the same deity as Yohaulticetl or Coyolxauhqui (both moon goddesses) and Tecciztecatl (moon god); like the latter, who feared the sun because of it’s fire. The moon and sun were at one time equally bright. Fearing the earth would burn under the light of two luminaries, one of the deities threw a rabbit in the face of the other, and the one struck darkened to become today’s moon. Henceforth it is possible to distinguish a figure of a rabbit on the moon’s surface. During a full moon, the ‘Rabbit in the Moon’ becomes readily visible. (Elie Saab Spring 2017 Haute Couture Collection)

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they hate to see a bisexual traumatized eldest daughter thriving

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get okay with being some level of burden on others, seriously