prettylaceything

[prettylaceything]

So I felt like this needed its own section. So I put my deposit down on a house to rent next year. Actually love the house!! Can not wait to move in. It’s going to just be an amazing experience

[prettylaceything]

Okay so driving is going a lot better now. Getting out further, on my own and trying new places. Still stall occasionally and panic but I’m getting there. Liking motorways at the moment.

Placement is okay, same old thing every day, fairly boring. Phoned in sick for today and tomorrow, really can’t be arsed going in at all. Need a few days break.

Started something new, started seeing a guy called Charlie. Been talking for about three weeks. He came over and stayed last night. Had sex about 40 times no exaggeration. Had some pillow talk, stayed up all night. He left about 12 today. He’s been messaging me since. He’s cute and sweet. Really get along with him, feels like it’s been years. Which sounds really strange tbh.

But generally feeling happy these days. I’m owning my life. Being an independent woman.

[prettylaceything]

Done a fair bit of driving these past few days. Went up for my hair doing in my own. Drive to work twice and parked up. Ended up working all weekend but I get time and a half and I need the money.

Ended up deciding that I’m moving out in September. Going to do a house share with the girls. Actually really excited now that I’ve stopped stressing about money 😂

Fairly nervous about placement on Tuesday but I’ll be fine. Just got to get used to it all again.

[prettylaceything]

Very proud of myself. Got home from uni had tea and stuff. Drove to my grandmas for the first time. Then I went up to my hairdressers which is about 4 miles away. Then drove to my sisters which is 10 miles away. Then came home. Drove to my placement which is about 7 miles away and back. Went home on the motorway. Actually so so proud of my little self. 😍

[prettylaceything]

What a strange two days.

Ended everything with ash, were still friends, seems really strange that we can still get on. Kinda need to move on.

Charlie messaged me that night. Drunk out of his head wanting to hook up. He has a girlfriend which I said to him. He apologised. Wonder why he still drunk messages me when it’s been months & we weren’t even together. Due to him.

Bought my first car this weekend too. So excited and scared at the same time. Got my self a little Citroen C1. Called it Charlie, ironically 😂

To say it’s been a mixed weekend. But I’m overall happy I guess.

[prettylaceything]

The story so far... in a very odd order.

Ash came over yesterday, completely spontaneous, we decided yesterday morning before I went to uni. Booked a hotel. Generally did the usual. Got Chinese food, went to the cinema; we saw venom which is a really good film, then obviously we had a lot of sex as per. He seemed in a better mood this time, like he actually wanted to spend time with me. Which made a change. I had about an hour where I felt really low last night, overthinking, feeling like he is in it just for the sex or shit like that. I think like two Snapchat’s popped up from lasses on his phone, not the friends he’s ever spoken about. But I trust him so I don’t feel like it’s bad, can’t say I haven’t over thought about it tho.

Did a bad thing... who knew it was possible to give someone a blowjob in the cinema while there are people sat next to one and another. 🤷🏼‍♀️ anyway, managed that one. 😉

Other than that, uni. Passed my IM and Subcutaneous injections so I’m proud of myself. Did all my urine analysis fine.

Emailed my placement mentor as I start in two weeks, so nervous. I’m hoping she gets back to me with my off-duty. I still need to do a dummy run to see where abouts it is and work the buses out.

Still no hope on finding a car. I’m generally becoming desperate now. I can’t do fuck al until I have one.

I’m skint. Like on my arse. Other than savings I have for a car. I have about £40 to my name. I have a mean our Thursday & a night out Friday. And getting to placement. So that’ll be a fun task.

Set up my self sourced for over Christmas. Just need to ring the woman and confirm it. Which I will get around to. Generally got so much on, I have about 60 things to do in two weeks. Laptop won’t load it without adobe so I’m gunna have to spend a day at uni to get them done 😪

Planning so many holidays and travel. Amsterdam December hopefully, Norway April, somewhere hot in June, possibly India on a self-sourced placement In July. Then I want to see if Kelly wants to go somewhere at the end of the year. All cost money, but I’m using my loan for that. I’ll never get the opportunity when I’m back at work. And money comes back, time doesn’t.

At Jessica’s tonight, only place I actually feel like I can relax. So I’m going to try to tonight.

Looking forward to next Friday night & dreading it at the same time. I’m not one to go out nightclubbing. But I feel like I really need to let my hair down, and have a good time with friends. Need to bond more.

Honestly couldnt ask for a better uni friend group. After so long of dreading it too, and not thinking I’d make friends.

[prettylaceything]

So today I had clinical skills again, we were practicing injections. It was really fun and I feel so much more confident about giving an injection, I still worry about it on a patient. It was fairly fiddly to hold everything together but I got the hang of it. And while doing a subcutaneous injection, it was had to get the liquid out and not get air bubbles. But I gott here in the end. Was whipping them out in no time.

Went to Beth’s after, didn’t end up drinking. Watched some bake off, had five guys and a good chat. Getting a lot closer and we’re planning to do it every Tuesday and me stay over. Which will be good. Won’t be spending too much then on taxis on a night to go home.

Honestly feel like I have a friend group at uni now. Really enjoying it. Which I never thought I would have.

Ash hasn’t messaged me at all today, I haven’t messaged him till half an hour ago. But I’ve been busy. I know he’s on holiday but he’s been on walks and in the car so he could have asily messaged me. But I’m trying to not be pissed off and let things be as they are.

Fairly worried and I feel like it’s coming to an end. But what can I do about that. 🤷🏼‍♀️ plenty of other fish in the sea. Plenty on guys at uni and damn some of them are hot 😍

[prettylaceything]

The last few days;

So I went over to Ash’s on Thursday to spend a few days there with him. It’s been alright, few bits have happened that made it less of what I wanted. We did a fair few bits such as breakfast & lunches out, walking sage, generally just chilling out.

However, we had a talk where he doesn’t know what he wants. That he likes me but there isn’t that thing if feelings yet. Which I fully understand given his past, and also yes I have feelings for him, but I’m not quite there yet myself. But he said he wants to try and I hope that wasn’t pressured at all, I was just open and said everything how it was. That he needs help to move past things, it’s always going to be this way unless he tries, that he doesn’t have to worry about hurting me as I know what I’m getting myself In for and the fact I’d get over it... basically it really. I said I’d like to see where things go, there could be potential. I even explained how these things take time, that it’s not going to be hunky dory within a few days. And that I understand and everything can be slow.

Then his mum. She seems lovely, she’s out there and she says things as they are. She’s open about everything. But I feel like she’s probably going to either hate me, or I don’t want to be in her wrong side. Jacques made a comment of “if you play your cards right and you both get married, you get sage back” and his mum was like “he’s too young to be thinking about that” like okayyyyyy. Kinda feel like she hates me. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Sage was amazing. He gave me the warmest welcome ever. And clearly he remembered me. Which gave me so much relief. He barley even left me alone for the first few hours 😂

Then... Travelling... I’m honestly so proud of myself. And it’s not often I say that. I have always been so anxious about travelling alone and getting lost. But I managed it. I want all the way from Leeds to poulton on my tod. Going there was easier. It was just one change over. Coming back was a nightmare. Polton to Preston. Preston to Manchester via coach. Manchester Piccadilly to Leeds via train again. Then home. So yeah, very proud of myself. 😁

[prettylaceything]

So last night was very fun. Went out wth ash 😊

So he picked me up and we decided we were going for something to eat in Leeds centre. He needed to nip into the Apple store and things like that.

Ended up going to Nando’s where I lost my nadls virginity. It was actually really nice too.

Then after that we decided to go for a walk at golden acre park. Found this dog running about, in the end the owners found it. But we were at it about an hour.

In the mean time, I’d bought a remote control underwear vibrator. Which we had a play with, it was actually really fun.

Walking back to the car I was so hyped up to a point I just needed sex. Anyway, found some toilets, and ended up fucking in there as you do 😂 didn’t put any tissue down so I was caked in cum.

Went to the cinema, I was still in a really playful mood so I tossed him off in there. Just for some fun.

After the movie we ended up sitting in the car for half an hour. He was saying how much he really really liked me. Which is good to hear because I know how scared he is of everything to do with relationships.

Drove back to mine as I was shattered. Pulled over on my street, fucked in the car. And I don’t just mean a quickly. I mean it was full on take your clothing off, heated up foreplay, a fuck load of kissing kind of sex.

Got in about midnight and I’m now currently shattered as it’s 6:30 am and I have to get up for uni. Full day of lectures. 😭

[prettylaceything]

So from last time, I was super excited about going to ash’s this weekend. Well that’s changed. He needs to go see his cousin. But we’re still meeting up Sunday and having lunch and stuff which will be really nice 😍

And then next weekend I’ll be there; Friday, Saturday and Sunday. So that’ll be fun. We can really spend some time together. 😊

Also, I’ve decided I need to start cutting ties with sellers and Chloe. They’re both toxic and use me for everything I have. It’s just draining tbh. I have Kelly and Beth. And that’s all I need. Two decent people who don’t want to use me for everything.

[prettylaceything]

I’m so excited so this morning, me and ash decided I’m going over this weekend so I’m so happy 😊 like we’re going to try and make this work 😬

Stayed at my aunties last night, found out I’m 100% allergic to her dog. I’m so itchy and ugh.

[prettylaceything]

So we had the talk. The “where is this going talk” and oh my god. I’ve never been happy, sad and confused all at once like I was then.

Map we decided that we’re seeing each other. That’s the label. It’s exclusive. We’re going to try and make it work with distance and me being at uni. So that’s good.

However, I wasn’t half fucked off. He said a few shitty things like. “Yeah I get that but the way my friend put it is that it was hard for you to find time for Sage.“ which made me blow my top and I was like don’t even go there. Like a completely different scenario and sage is a bloody dog who couldn’t look after himself while in the house. He later apologised but it wasn’t the point.

Then, this; “I told you me and my ex had to break up in February because of that case and her working in a nursery. Neither of us wanted to. Plus her parents weren’t a fan of us being together given the nature of it which I get because they didn’t know me very well. The thing is me and her were madly in love. It was a great relationship and neither of us wanted it to end.” Like if were starting something, I don’t want to know how in love you were with your ex. How you would have gotten back with her. And how you’re still probably in love with her now or have some form of feelings. And I get what it feels like. But it’s not something I wanted to hear tbh. Like basically that’s saying ‘I want her, I want to be with her, but I have to get over it because I can’t be’ like kick me in the teeth babe. 😔

But anyway, we decided to see where things go. And I’m okay with that. I don’t feel like I’m ready for a commitment anyway and I don’t have the trust yet.

As for uni, I’m half way through my 1st assignment which is really good. Just got like two paragraphs, referencing and a proof read to do. Then that’s sorted.

Started my clinical skills online stuff. Not sure if I can do all of it now because I’d like to get it over and done with. I just need to do some notes about everything.

I have my case study questions to do tonight and then that’s ready for Monday.

I kinda got my voluntary placement sorted, I just need to have a plan and proof so I need to talk to Ian when I go in Monday as he hasn’t responded to my email as of yet.

I have a few bits to do outside of uni such as; eye test, doctors, tailoring, student account, order book and sort my hair. Generally need to get my life together I feel shitty this week as I’ve basically eaten shite and barley been to the gym. So I need to get that in check. 🤷🏼‍♀️

I was meant to be out tonight with the girls but ended up flaking as I’m still not right well. Don’t think Steph was happy but we rearranged anyway. Instead I have the hell dog at my aunties so she can go out on her date and be free to not come home and think about him.

So we had some breakaway training on Friday, as well as self defence for in the streets by a company in Bradford called rigin which specialises in the Gracie technique. They were amazing, to the point I actually want to go and do classes at some point when I finally buy a car.

Training was so funny as I accidentally punched Beth around the face. It didn’t hurt her, she has a slight mark. But, the trainers were like you’re way too excited sit down 😂

[prettylaceything]

So Ash came over yesterday evening, we had such a good time. Everything is so comfortable. We went to have food at Frankie and bennies, then we went to the cinema to watch the nun. Never shit myself so much In my life.

Then the little bastard, said he was going to the toilet and would meet me in bed. So I go toddling up the stairs, see the bathroom light isn’t on. So I go put it on thinking he couldn’t find the light switch. Go back into the bedroom. And the asshole was hid behind the door and jumped out at me. I’ve never screamed so much in my life.

It was fairly funny at the white rose after we had food. We were going to the car, I robbed off with his hat. Ended up running and having a right laugh. He then gave me the silent treatment on the way to the cinema. So I ended up doing something to make him forgive me 🤷🏼‍♀️

We came back home, had a lot of sex as per. He was watching something and I fell asleep. Apparently I was snoring, but I was bloody tired.

Got up this morning, went for breakfast, came home watched movie. Had moe sex and obviously just at the time of finishing there was a knock at the door 😂 ended up cuddling on the sofa till I fell asleep. Then he went home.

Can’t help but miss him 🙈😭

[prettylaceything]

Update

So I’m on my second week of uni. Everything has been full on over the past week, very intense. So much has gone on. We have so much reading to do. Assignments, exams and placement all before Christmas. But the course is amazing, I’m really enjoying it so far and that’s the main thing I guess.

So I made some friends. Ones called Beth and the other is Steph. They’re both really nice and we get along. We’ve arranged to go out for Stephs birthday which is Thursday, so we’re going on the Saturday. It’s the same day in which Beth moves into her accommodation. I’m really looking forward to it. It’ll be nice to be out of uni and really get to know each other.

Mai Ash came over on Friday night and stayed over. We did plan to go out and do something, but we generally we at it like rabbits all day/night/day. Which I’m not complaining at. I generally miss him when he’s gone. But he’s coming over on Wednesday night so I’m really excited. I think we actually are going to do something tho. We need to otherwise it’s just going to be sex.

It was funny as I went into work and I work with my neighbour. She was saying that she wanted to call round for a bacon sandwich the other morning as she could smell the bacon. I’m so glad she didn’t as I was literally mid giving a blowjib in the kitchen while we were cooking.

So Sellers she hasn’t half annoyed me. Like to the point I don’t wanna see her again. She basically invited herself to stay over at my house then disrespect it. So basically, he’s an oversize of a few points in why it’s been a nightmare.

Basically, I am laid back with people in my house. Like if you want a drink grab one, grab anything to eat out the fridge, do as you please. But Stacey’s boyfriend who I met once for about two minutes, then about three weeks ago when I went for coffee with sellers for about 30 minutes max. Left them both stay over. This guy has literally come into my house, decided he wanted to make spaghetti bolognase which is fine. Has gone through my fridge and freezer. Got some mince out to defrost. Chopping everything up. I walk in the kitchen and he’s there just cooking away. Like I was planning to use that mince this week but hey ho 🤷🏼‍♀️

Left my kitchen in a shit hole of a mess. Like sauce splattered up the tiles.

Me, Chloe, Marley, then Stacey and him are In the living room. There literally getting it on. And I mean, I was expecting to turn round and him be balls deep. So we were all finding it awkward and ended up sitting in my parents room.

These are like a few points. And I’m pretty chilled out. Like I just think I’ve met you twice, you could have asked. I don’t know if from Adam and I’m letting you stay in my home to do you a favour.

Chloe has stayed a few days which I’ve been so grateful for especially through all that shit. I mean don’t get me wrong, I’m happy to have her over. But I do want a night alone, I haven’t at all since my parents have been away. And I probably won’t now until the next time they go on holiday.

I ended up going out last night to the pub, had a really good laugh to be honest. It was nice to get my head out of uni and everything that’s gone on in the past week.

I’ve been making sure I exercise a lot lately as I need to eat while at uni. Been walking home from uni everyday. Going swimming and to the gym. I’m still trying to keep caught up with people in my life it’s just so hard. Even got to start a voluntary placement. And work.

I’d say life is good right now, I just want to know where I stand with ash. That’s all. I could be stood anywhere, I just want to know.

[prettylaceything]

04/08/18

So I had my first ever day st uni today. This morning I was so anxious, I was having chest pains and palpitations, getting even more stressed I couldn’t find my meds for it. So I had to leave having not taken anything, ended up getting lost on my way to campus. Eventually found it and made friends with two girls.

Went in for the induction, had two lectures, made friends. Had been split into tutor groups and all that. Anyway, by midday I was relaxed and settled.

Had a lecturer throw a sweet at my head, mainly as I was at the back and she couldn’t reach to pass me it 😂.

I generally have really enjoyed my first day, I’m mentally tired from it all, but it was really worth it. I’m actually so happy at the moment. It’s not as scary as I thought and I think I’ll be alright there.

So tomorrow is uniform fitting, ID check, ID cards, NHS cards, injections and occupational health. But I should be done my around 1pm. So I’m going to go swimming after, have a stress relief.

But yeah, honestly a really good day.

[prettylaceything]

Update on life;

Okay so he was going to come over on Friday night but cancelled as he was tired. Which I get it’s a fair bit of driving.

Then we got back I normal conversations everything was fine. He said on Saturday night that he wanted to book a hotel room for Sunday night. We booked one, then he opened up and told me something that had been going on for a while now. I was a bit shocked by it, but it’s not something I’m going to get my knickers in a twist over. Then he got overwhelmed by telling me and cancelled the hotel.

I got drunk last night, messaged him with how I’m feeling. Not the whole lot but the tip of the iceberg. He said he’s going to talk to me today about it as we both were drunk and he didn’t want to talk till we’re sober as it was the mature things to do. Which I get, but it also worries me a little bit.

I’m petrified that I start uni tomorrow. Like I could cry at any moment over it. Going to look at a car tonight and hopefully buying it 😬 think I’m going to go to the gym today too.

I need to look into some self care tips for this year, try and really look after myself with things like;

- eating

- exercise

- meditation

- sleep

- mental health things

Generally I need to get a routine and have a monthly check list so I know that I’ve done my assignments, seen family/friends, been to the gym and just get in with life really

[prettylaceything]

Okay so last night I got really upset. Everything was overwhelming. And I think that was the first time I’ve cried that hard in a long time. I guess I was feeling really low and down over things with ash. He’s been very hot and cold and I didn’t know what was going on.

So I woke up this morning as everything was back to normal. Full conversations and everything. So I felt so much better. But then, he went cold again.

I don’t even know what’s going on anymore. I just wish I had an idea. We decided he’s coming down next week for a few days which is good.

I feel like because we’ve seen each other we’ve got all the tension out. And it’s just normal now. I mean we both have our own lives and that’s alright. I get that. But it’s strange that we’ve gone from talking all the time, and him making time to talk. And it’s all gone.

I guess it’ll all work out in time with what’s going on.