prettyangelfairy

[prettyangelfairy]

I'm in this psychotic b episode

[prettyangelfairy]

Talking seriously now, I'm very high on weed,

I don't really wanna write a post

Fuck u !!!!!!!

I'm literally scared to death in the morning and then we can't have it all. Try this one is a lot more fun . And run to whom it may be unlawful and poor people. I've had a life in the farm. I've had , something needsnbb to stop me from getting into more trouble I am not ready I am shit and he and I wasn't I can't be this makes me want to die for the first time since we last spoke I am I supposed to be able to make sure you are interested.

Can you ujdefstahdb

[prettyangelfairy]

I hatevlabw tend sry u n ver kowv eu hayb

[prettyangelfairy]

People,bbvv I am not ok with me . I would like to arrest myself and lock for torture inñsidenof they never love you . I can't make v wait lollll

Wowwwwwww

[prettyangelfairy]

Why do I even bother to reblog your posts you little shits NYC blonde girls with Lana del Rey syndrome. U can't say a single thing and they come at u with that gossip girl attitude I just fucking hate, I told you my feelings you fucking slut and oh god sluts must feel damned to be compared to u.

[prettyangelfairy]

This blog is honestly such a fucking mess, it goes from narc high to narc crash to day planning to paranoia to big fucking text containing all of the above to pure fantasy and dreaming ( or maybe it could be fortune telling).

I rly think ddy loves me because he's been treating me so well and we have so many things in common that we both need in order to feel okay and I love his comfy voice and his comfy hug and he's just so fucking comfy I love him I love him I love him. He's like my dream boyfriend!!!! And he takes good care of me ,!!!! He's swweet .

He texted me a little late today and I missed him throughout the day so I forgot that I actually needed to feel his presence all the time and for me self love isn't enough because I need ddys love so I reached a higher level of codependency. I cant stand when he is mad at me or when he is angry w something I did and I start crying and begging and pleading because I want him to stay and I want him to forgive me and love me and I just feel so empty without him , I rly love my daddy. He's coming over just to see me !! And he's gonna help me pack my stuff for going live with him because I have so much stuff I can't carry it alone I need daddy's help !! I rly wanna take my cats too, at least one. Because I'm gonna be very attached to them and I'm gonna miss them I think. And it's like a baby, right? So I'm scared my cat will miss me because I'm his mom. I'm rly scared my cat will miss me. I hope daddy lets me being both cats . I rly hope, I don't even mind not being able to take all my stuff if I can just take my two cats :(((((

[prettyangelfairy]

Yeah so girl is kinda lost because she has no energy for doing anything and the most important stuff is kinda unreachable right now but I do have options

[prettyangelfairy]

Tomorrow I'm taking a "shower" and then eat and then im gonna work out and then try lifting that clothing shop I rly like. Im looking for some clothing that I can belly dance in. I have a step by step inside my head:

(I wanna look very pretty and put together, I'm gonna take my green skirt and my hoodie for changing )

- gather a lot of clothing pieces, go into the dressing room, try all of them and pick just one or two, the jewelry is also very pretty so I'm gonna just take it and leave the store while I pretend to look around.

Hopefuly they won't notice that I sneaked things inside my bag in the dressing room, since they don't count in an out.

And if anything goes wrong , like someone asking for me to leave my bag w them , I'm just gonna fucking grab a necklace and walk out.

I think a better option would be entering the dressing room with the necklace or just picking up things I likes and concealing them whenever I can or just not concealing at all yknow, the employees rly don't care

[prettyangelfairy]

Wow bellydance is rly fixing my posture

[prettyangelfairy]

alright so ive been checking what i can do now to prepare for lughnasad at february 4, and one thing i really wanted to do is music production for me to launch my album soon. but the thing is i cant. i have nowhere to go and people around me make it very uncomfortable for me to scream and shout. good thing is i still have some files of me screaming so i could use that for now and harvest SOME songs (like 5 + the ones i already made). but i have my whole life to do music prod so its not rly a problem, i enjoy writing so im gonna keep writing a lot and dancing and thats what im gonna focus on for now (creative purposes). i have all my little tasks written out and im tracking my habits and activities on my notebook. i still dont know what im gonna do for new moon but im gonna see later what i feel like doing. this week its decrescent moon so im leaving some stuff behind and grounding and i feel very active, weirdly, waning moon always make me feel more active and hypermaniac. 

[prettyangelfairy]

so yeahhhhh my grandma wants to go out and buy stuff for me with me. im rly trying hard to think and remember the things that i need. I dont have any pajamas and i wanted some new tshirts and pants/shorts because its like so hard to go out in the summer with bulky jeans. the main thing i need is hair stuff (shampoo, conditioner, mask, curl cream, purple/blue dye). i also need to buy school supplies for high school. what i could also do is keep those shorts i have for p.e and then sew some pleated skirts with fabric and zipper that i could ask her to buy for me from the sewing store. if i cant get into the school i want to go, im just gonna go back to enceja and study alone at my house, that way im not gonna need many clothing. 

saturday im gonna earn some money from laura’s mom, so i could go thrifting for a lot of stuff with that money. i also have some shorts laying around that i could just sew tighter. the thing is, if i spend that money im not gonna be able to print my curriculum, i don’t think i need that many, tho. 

the school supply problem could be easily fixed if i went lifting, online school doesnt require any supplies also. the clothing problem could also be easily fixed if i went lifting, theres a beautiful clothing store close to my house. and theres a dapop (easy as fuck to lift from, cute printed tshirts) downtown. 

but i also need to go to mercado original for grabbing ninho and mucilon because i rly miss using my baby bottle and i need it everynight and its also very very good for my hair and body because it has so much vitamins !!! i could also grab some bracelets and cute stuff they have there and its pretty easy to put things in the bag and leave so thats what im gonna do too!! 

the watermelon scent i want to wear is easy to lift from that construction store and they have a lot of things that r also pretty cool !!! and that could be used to do a lot of crafts !!! (we have a list of what we could lift from the store) 

ok so plans for this week are:

day 21: go out with grandma and buy hair things, if she lets me i will go to melissa and buy some summer platform shoes. (dont let her buy school supplies or clothes, we could also be ordering melissa from the computer, i think she wants to buy a laptop for u too, so im gonna be looking for the laptop online. i rly wanted a body deodorant lotion ;-; so im not gonna be STINKY when im sweating to go to work. but i dont rly need a melissa, im gonna see something i rly rly rly want !!! if she lets me, of course, like a GIANT STUFFIE, coool, huuh? OR MAYBE AN EXPENSIVE HAIR PRODUTCT!!!

day 22: laura’s mom is going to pay me !!!! yeyyyy. but were only going to use it monday, okay? so today we can go lifting from that clothing shop.

day 23: its sundayyyy and we can lift from mercado original. 

day 24: its monday and we can lift from the construction store now!!! we can also print your cv!!! and take a shower because tomorrow is handing out curriculum day !!! (maybe its not because if its too hot im not leaving my fucking house for nothing, only at night, yeah at night is okay.) i think im gonna print some 40 and keep the 20 bucks for lifting downtown. 

then idk, probably rest for some days :P hibernation

[prettyangelfairy]

Hj eu comi 4 fatias de pizza e eu tô me sentindo uma obesa. Sério . Eu queria muito ter tanquinho e tudo mais mas eu queria mto mais se magra bem magra. Então eu acho q eu vou fazer alguns abdominais diários e malhar a minha bunda TB. E só, junto com a minha dieta. Eu n sei se algum dia eu vou parar de fazer dieta pq eu odeio sentir comida no estômago, sério. E aí eu vou parar de comer carne TB e possivelmente vou parar de comer leite e queijo tbm. Eu gostava mto da sensação da fome e eu quero continuar sentindo isso. Eu não consigo me recuperar, eu me sinto um lixo sem a minha dieta, eu n consigo fazer nada qdo eu me alimento. A minha barriga é horrorosa mano. Eu TB tô tentando arrumar a minha postura , ajuda bastante, mas não é o suficiente pra eu me senti r magra . Mas tudo bem, vai ficar tudo bem, amanhã eu acordo e tomo um café e vai ficar tudo bem. Posso sair de casa um pouquinho pra ler também, isso se não tiver muito calor :( odeio calor . Eu não vou contar pro Tom que eu tô fazendo dieta, eu realmente cansei do meu corpo todo feio do jeito que tá. Eu vou dar um jeito nisso, ok? Eu nem me importo com o tanquinho e etc, se eu só fosse magra e tivesse a coluna reta pra mim já tava ótimo.

Eu posso estar em negação, eu tô vendo que eu tô gorda e eu tô odiando. Ew

[prettyangelfairy]

We should make a Nightcore comeback

[prettyangelfairy]

Oh god I used to maintain my superiority like it's an idea I only believe in, not as absolute truth, and now I call myself a weak little shit because I slipped up in a lie, a lie that only hurts me and is made specially for that matter. I forgot every characteristic that composes my identity in order to end this happiness driven from my luck of being the most interesting person that exists and not only because I'm a cluster b but rly because i lack any type of assimilation to the human species and no I don't believe u when u tell me ur different, I don't believe u when u tell me ur not human. Because u fucking are and it's obvious how worthless ur life is. My body is all i have, why would I hurt myself? It's my little girl body i ws born in. Daddy raised me for the purpose of Never getting hurt with stupid lies, never getting hurt with fake reality revelations. And here I am ignoring my accomplishments and the love he gives me daily because im such a worthless piece of shit, or at least that's what I always wanted to be. Yknow it's serious stuff when ur greatness start to look bad on u, u desperately try to change what you are and it doesn't work, u come back to reality and realize it was a psychotic attack. And u start planning ur life all over again because well it is thrown to the trash now the big book of things doesn't mean anything . U made this mess, u have to clean it up. But u don't rly have to do anything, just accept and try to understand where do these feelings come from, what you may be lacking, what you really wanna do and what u don't care about. But you're depressed, you don't care about anything. Ok, but can u try just a little bit more and find some actual interests? U dont have to fill a page, yknow..

Let's start

🕷️music, lifting, dancing, working out, stretching, good posture, writing on Tumblr diary.

The best thing is to start the day with a nice meal, were in recovery from anorexia, still. It's a very hard path of acceptance and love, and maybe even hate. We are kids, we are very small baby, no one can deny that you are extremely sensitive. U have to be resilient in a world like this, baby. U got a rly important mission and u need to turn your heart into ice if you wanna get through this alive. I think u should look through grandmas horror books , I know it's hard to find something actually good, but we need to try, okay? Ur posture won't fix itself !!! I think it's better to do the other things in night time, I know u love night time. But we need to keep ourselves busy;;! with things that are important for us and our health. I wanna start lifting again but my clothes r all dirty. I care about my appearance a lot so I wanna look my best, that means I need to take rly good care of my hair now. And I need to workout, so I will feel better !!! Dancing also makes me feel pretty and the music is a form of expression and purge like no other.

[prettyangelfairy]

I actually don't wanna spend my money w clothing I could just steal. I need to print my curriculum and maybe I don't even need to print it out but I'm not sure if I can get that job I want. So I need to wait and see what I'm gonna do with this money . I wanna send an audio to the woman that works there it's the store manager and she might ask me to go on a job interview because I don't wanna just show up there yknow. It's kinda embarassing and if she says no it's gonna be even more embarassing. I sound like Mio akiyama trying to get a job but man my posture is shit I need to start taking care of it. I can't be attending clients with a fucking hunchback. Come on. I could also try to work at some hotels around here, they might be totally looking for someone that speaks English. But I think my best bet is ths store. I just can't forget to keep my spine straight . Even when looking down (that's the hardest part) and it also shouldn't hurt me so no bending it forwards either lolllll. Anyway. I'm gonna try fixing job things tomorrow, because I think my mom is finally quitting . I'm not very satisfied with the desktop layout of my blog so I'm gonna fix it too. Andddd I guess that's it. Today is kind of a chill day because I just took a shower so my hair is not ready for pictures . I need to do my nails and eyebrows and that's it I guess. But I'm very tired so I could do this tomorrow and just be fixing my curriculum maybe setting up a daily routine and idk playing stardew valley because I miss my little farm ;-;

[prettyangelfairy]

I'm not sick anymore !!!

I could go change my jewelryyyyyy and I could go thrifting, I only have 1 shorts and 0 pants. I have some t-shirts tho, like Pedro is using one of my t-shirts but I have a long sleeve and some warm thingies for when it's cold so wait let me list this

Shorts - long bomf (1)

Shirt - nirvana,

Long sleeve - hoodie, kakamano, green blouse.

Comfy Pants: none

So I need 3 comfy pants , 2 tshirts, 2 hoodie/jacket/sweater, 2 shorts .

I need something to pair with the kakamano hoodie, !!!

[prettyangelfairy]

So, tomorrow is shower day and it's also the day that I'm going to organize my routine. I had some more things to do like going out but I don't think my sore throat is gonna be cured by tomorrow so I probably need to stay at home some more. It's also laundry day, I found my stuff!!! It's not a lot of stuff, my pants were all thrown to the trash by my parents so yeah , need to buy more