presidentcynne

[presidentcynne]

Launching Nothingness

I've got a good thought of what to write about in my weekly essays over the week but when I started writing, all the emotions I need to write about in this post streamed down to a single loop like everything happened fast and I've got nothing else left to write about. This. This is exactly what I've been feeling throughout the episodes of wanting to start writing but every time I do, I easily ran out of imagination and I find it hard to begin.

Science calls this burnout. I've been up to so many responsibilities and I wanna run away from the rest of the world but at the same time, I'm also hopeful that maybe someday all of this will be over and I'd be able to live my life as I please. I don't know. I'm so lost. As you know, I'm a 3rd-year psychology student, who juggles two corporate jobs while freelancing as a content writer. In the daytime, I work as marketing staff for a local real estate company that also offers car trading and other stuff. While I work as an SEO Email Outreach Specialist at night. With all of this workload, I intricately insert my academic career between my corporate jobs so I could finish my bachelor's degree on time while supporting my brother finish his studies, and supporting ourselves to survive. For almost four years now, I've been doing this every day, and I'm mentally, physically, and emotionally tired of what I've been through. Yes, my brother's finishing his degree this May, but now, I'm piled up with all of this exhaustion. I'm demotivated to keep on keeping on. I just want all of this to be over. LOL. As of now, I'm not suicidal or completely hopeless. In fact, I'm hopeful. I'm just super duper tired and I just want a good number of people who would be willing to listen to me. Just listen. Just read this post. Just some people would be willing to engage in this essay without judgment. Unconditionally. I guess I'm really just lonely. That I lack a certain amount of validation. Well, you're not wrong. But I also want a breakthrough. I want to finish college. I want to live. I want to experience passing. I'm tired of always walking so fast, running at max, I don't know. Or maybe this generation is simply the saddest. I mean, I wanna disagree. But at the same time, I don't wanna diss out the sufferings that we have all been experiencing so far. And I'm goddamn sick of this. Well, I don't even know what I'm even writing this for. What I only is that I want to write everything that my mind says so this midnight. At the same time, I want to end this post by putting one good catch: I want to my writing legacy. So the future has something to celebrate with this once-in-a-lifetime contribution. LOL. Leave me anything kind here. [By the way, it's my first time on Tumblr, please be good to me.]