president-and-godemperor-forlife

[president-and-godemperor-forlife]

[president-and-godemperor-forlife]

Mean Girls dir. Mark Waters | 2004

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pov: you're Venatori and you're about to die ✨️

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Just some quick crow portraits.

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imagine being illario and finally finding the resolve to kill your cousin right. you seduce and fuck a blood mage venatori magister to get her to do this for you. you figure you’ll eventually kill her once you are first talon, tie up the loose end and make it look good for you. a vengeance story! except when your cousin’s body shows up your grandma retreats into herself presumably out of grief and you’re like jesus christ he’s a corpse and still the favorite. at this point you start feeling some regret and at the wake you’re beside yourself. it helps to be really feeling some of that to fool everyone else. but months pass and your grandma still isn’t even discussing the inheritance and you have to be normal because you don’t want to incriminate yourself. and then a year later some random guy (worse if its a de riva tbh) shows up saying they need your cousin to kill an elven god (what.) and he’s the only one who could (insulting). and its at this point your grandma is like “lucanis died… but he is not dead!”. record scratch freezeframe. while you juggle with the fact that the freak woman you fucked specifically to get her to kill your cousin didn’t even kill your cousin AND your grandma didn’t bother telling you (for good reason ofc but she doesn’t know that), you have to lead these assholes to go save him and unravel your hard work. so plan b. you kidnap your grandma and push your (now possessed) cousin away (and then get mad when he actually walks away. because you’re like this). and when your cousin comes dangerously close to figuring out what’s happened with you and the magister, you kill the magister. you ally with those elven gods and venatori (you aren’t sure how you’re going to get out of this one but it’s fine. that’s a hill for future illario) to make sure you have enough backing to stand up against the other houses if they challenge you becoming first talon. you continue to gaslight your cousin into staying away, because if there is one thing you can count on, it’s his literal inner demons and total lack of a support group, you’re certain he’ll fuck it up by himself. you know this because his support group used to be your grandma (dubious) and yourself (lol). you’re almost home free. and caterina will definitely acknowledge you as a player on the board. which isn’t important but it would be nice, right. BUT THEN IT TURNS OUT. YOUR COUSIN HAS RECENTLY MADE 7 FRIENDS. one of whom can speak to the fucking dead because of course he can. and then some of those friends show up to publicly humiliate you at the dinner party that should have been YOUR crowning moment. your grandma ALSO shows up to tell everyone you have gathered that your cousin is first talon. your cousin gapes at her because he doesn’t actually even want it so it’s kind of awkward for everyone. and then when you’re sure he’s about to ask viago de riva to poison you to death, he actually tells him just to take you away. because OF COURSE he’s being the bigger person. anyways the point is i’m surprised illario just lets himself be taken away because if i were him i would have started biting people and then bombed the villa

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Viago's opening letter to a de Riva Rook is the funniest goddamn thing

"Dear Idiot,

You are so fucking stupid and everyone is still complaining about that stupid thing you did. But none of them are complaining more than ME, you moron, you disgrace. I cannot believe I raised you. Anyway, if you die I'll kill you. Come home safe. But not soon

Your (Begrudging) Father Viago"

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... but we're more like brothers. Caterina took us both in... (We're brothers...)

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Spite is hilarious

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I will absolutely give them this one, the devs made the battle at Weisshaupt absolutely fucking grueling. Like, you do keep finding yourself thinking, "sincerely how the fuck am I still alive; I downed my last potion four minutes ago" almost the entire time. The escalation from any previous fight is appropriately gigantic. Like, "wow okay suddenly I have an army and mostly they're just dying." And I think that's very much how you should feel.

And then to have a small child ghosting along with you the whole time is such a fascinating narrative choice, as well. Something so small and vulnerable, to hold up against the giant face of a monstrous god in the clouds.

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when your bestie is also your worstie 😔

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Lucanis in your party at Weisshaupt is the funniest thing in Veilguard. Man does not hold back about how BAD shit is. The entire time he's just like "This is bullshit! You know this is bullshit right!?" but goddammit he swore to follow to the ends of the earth and if you tell him to stab a cloud he's gonna do it

"They keep adding horns and it keeps getting worse!" Is the funniest line in Dragon Age history

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that one b99 cold open

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𝑦𝑜𝑢 ℎ𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑒𝑥𝑐ℎ𝑎𝑛𝑔𝑒𝑑 𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑏𝑎𝑙 𝑗𝑎𝑏𝑠 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑠𝑜𝑙𝑎𝑠

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Before Veilguard's release I was theorizing the Veilguard companion characters might have been designed to be parallels to the known Evanuris, but I couldn't place all of them.

Now that I've played the game (almost twice) I think I've figured them all out.

Rook - Elgar'nan, the leader. Controller of light and dark. The one who influences the others.

Neve - Mythal, who can be a fierce protector or a source of inspiration and hope.

Harding - Andruil, the hunter, who went mad from the Void and had to fight her way back

Bellara - June, the inventor. Master of magical artifact.

Lucanis - Dirthamen, keeper of secrets, who mastered the twin ravens of Fear and Deceit, and returned from death.

Davrin - Ghilan'nain, Master of Monsters, Keeper of Halla.

Emmrich - Falon'Din, the necromancer. Friend of the dead.

Taash - Sylaise, who's fire cannot be quenched.

Which leaves Solas to play the role he always has - Fen'Harel, the trickster and betrayer, who could ally with them, if only they will listen to his advice and try to protect their world as best as they can.

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neve and davrin about setting up a shop together after everything is done

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The Formless One is the best boss fight ever put in dragon age, not because of the fight itself (it's actually annoying as hell) but for the fact that the damn thing sends you hate mail after you beat it. That's fucking hilarious.