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This is one of the funniest things I've found on tumblr and I've seen some shit

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wizard college is going to kill me I swear to god. I just saw someone without a component satchel reach into their pocket and pull out a handful of LOOSE tapioca to use as a substitute for blood in their fell ritual. and it worked. I've never been so fucking mad.

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Women want one thing and it's quite obvious, A large affordable interconnected North American Rail Network

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on wikipedia straight up "learning it". and by "learning it" i mean, lets just say.. information

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today i layed an egg. woke up around 10am. layed an egg

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this too shall pass

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ok, given the new dni list, I'm wondering if you dislike women again, but this time also equally dislike men?

I have realized that all gender is evil and Non Biney is the path to salvation

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the author's barely disguised lack of socialisation and profound sense of alienation from all other human life

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don’t care + didn’t ask + a shadowmonk chases me in my dreams

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new high school classmate: so what’s your name

renesmee: renesmee

new classmate: that’s… interesting

renesmee: my mom was on crack when she named me

bella, sitting literally two seats away: 

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tumblr please stop telling me to wd40 a mouse

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i read the cutest reddit thread today where this 19 yo boy was “babysitting” his 15 yo little sister while his parents were away on vacation and she got this horrific period and needed to be taken to the ER.

and this sweet 19 yo boy was doing all he could to take care of her, giving her meds and water and then packing stuff up to go to the hospital once reddit was like “yeah if she’s soaking two tampons in an hour you should go” - but being only a little older than a child himself, he didn’t know what to pack, so he brought like three things, and one of them was SUNSCREEN.

lmao everyone on reddit was like “you’re a really good brother but sunscreen?? for the hospital??” lmao they are roasting him. also op’s sister changed his name in her phone to “spf” and their dad calls him “bananaboat” now. this guy is never living this down

(also his sister is ok and it turns out their family has some kind of genetic blood disorder)

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scantily is basically the most classic way to be clad

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Wish I was a late bronze age girl

I would have my homeland invaded by the sea peoples. I would be lain siege to by the sea peoples. My cities would be sacked by the sea peoples. I would make bronze tools and pottery. My shores would be invaded by the mysterious sea peoples. I would be mustering my armies to fend off the sea peoples.

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Why do so many people make tiktoks while they're clearly driving. What the fuck. Stop that shit, you're gonna kill someone.